Front Cover Credits: Photo: BBC. Layout and Design: Ron & Neil. Inspiration: Neil, the Daleks, the Cybermen & Chris Longridge's uncle, the Brigadier. 2 - News TAie l^eaveir 29th November 1993 Union Jack Well, Christ, what a cock-wp. Top tw0 percent of tbe population and we caii'^ even get it tdgether te holda UOM aiid,,letsfede it, ifsnot that dIfRcuit, What, Jack wpndeT®, will happen v^hen we graduate to running the country? Along With most, of liie fsanej population Jack had imagined liiat no-one could man&ge laiej worse , than N<>. Tea^is .pre^nt incujnhent but todaj^s chara^ie h#'8 -heginning towonder. For those of you who wereft^t there - eiiid that; : must fee iiiost of you giyen that ai t^p p<»nt m ; meetir^ [sici.-Wei^. we ^ were unable to hav^ a meeting:due to the preseii<^ of a certain Benai^ Kussell, Who, you may well ask, is he? W^ll» ^ack^ while ddfig his best to enilghten you,: can only say that he appears to be the big gin^r • bloke who shaipes noiie of his nanle^ke Bertrand^ Husseira concern for p^ce. / ^yway, apparently [and allegedly] this bloke had batter^ soine SWP fteialist Workers-Pai^l chap and had thus been bannfed frorti attending our DOMs^ Whether tbo^e who: did the banning were actuary aUowed to do so is a moot point which Jack may, if he be both^; ered^ address later on, ^ The inter^ting, well, all ri^t,. slightly less bor- ; ing aspect of tMs farce was the bizarre allegiances it; generated. For a start we saw: the beginnings of the i 'fled headed league* iJaek hopes Mr Conaii l^yle i for^ves his pla^laiism)^ llbis naseent force demon-; strated its unity when Dean 'the Eu^y Hayer' i Taylor signified his support of the aforemenMoned j Mr Russell i/^th the words "Its Just beeai^se he*s; a;! ginger^" A second strange ^liance was that between the: LSiS Gon^rvati^es and the RCP, Dennis EusselPs. admission of violeaee towards a SWF memberdraw^: ingsmnptiiou^ applauise. Jack supposes that Tories ' were merely Chuchiirs: gulag: excusing maxim; 'an enemy of my. eit^emy is my friend". : •::: O.K. Havii^ extrapolated all that Is .mar^^ ginally inte^ting all that r^lly:remains to say: at: this^imcture is that: Steve, the pi^vio^sly aiiony-mous vice chair^ Has had a nice hairciit but Kick Kitby, chair of the Constitution and Staling Com' mitteei hasn^t (thereyoti go Steve, Jack's a man ofhi^' word and he promised you a mention). Now, unfortxmately we have inched an impasse,: for Jack has run out ofthingiS to say with scarcely: halfofhi 8 allocation used. This means that Jack will have to resort to this week^s national space filler and ask who should be the next England manager? Jack considers it i^viOus that Teriy Venables is the best man for the Job but apart from, thai pearl of wisdom he cannot i^ally add to the Sun's seminal analysis. So; having singularly failed to stretch that one out Jack is leftwith no^temative other than ret^irn-ing to tiie Pennis Russell fiasco. What he wants to Jmow is why the meetkig had to close. If our Mr Eussell had indeed b^n suispended from the Union all this would raeanis thathe assumes the status of non-member j ie that, in order to speak, a procedwal motion allowing him to do, so: wouid !^ve to be: passed. In eifect being suspended from the Union Mr Russell Should have been treated like any other non^member. Washe? Jack.feels not. Also there is no Sjpecilic provision in the constitution enabling disciplinary comniittees to ban people &om the JJGM. Certainly suspension from the Union does not have this effect, it merely lays down conditions for attendanee. Did, wonders Jack, the disciplinaiy committee overstep the mark, for the best of motives^ on this one? Anyway, enough of such seriousness. Jack says 'El Teffbr England and if not Tel; Jack. STOP PRESS: It has come to JacVs attention that Peter 'the photographer' Harris may indeed intend to take disciplinary €Ujtion against those photogenic paper thit)wers. Be warned! Hartam Glolie Trots Around Hie Whatas Ina Woyseth As voices yelling anti-Norway slogans rang outside the Old Building on the afternoon of Tuesday, November 17th, the Norwegian Prime Minister, Gro Harlem Brundtland, was giving her speech at our "institution of world wide fame belonging to the international premier league of academic excellence". Her lecture was given under much more amicable conditions than those afforded to Virginia Bottomley, yet the facial expressions of the listeners in the Old Theatre did vary in terms of sentiment. The Prime Minister's talk concerned "the setting of a course towards a common future", stressing the need for nations to cooperate politically, economically as well as ecologically. The concept of "sustainable development" and the preservation of the environment for future generations were two dominant issues. Brundtland stated that "perhaps the threat of global warming is the best example of how our economic systems are causing problems... to the planet." Norway is a country where acid rain causes great concerns, as 90% is "imported" from other countries - a substantial share of that being from Britain. The Prime Minister thus prompted international measures to halt damages to individual countries. Brundtland's emphasis on global environmental concern was perceived by some as hypocrisy. Many of the listeners were eagerly awaiting some statements about the whaling issue, which was not addressed in the lecture itself. As the Prime Minister later "became open to points of information", however, the issue was raised by an L.S.E. student, who asked how the Prime Minister could prompt international environmental regulations so strongly when Norway itself has decided to disregard the international community's sentiments relating to whaling. Brundtland's dignified welcome of "the opportunity to tell us what this is all about" unleashed a wave of applause, particularly from members of the Norwegian community who were present. According to interna- r The Prime Minister of Norway, Gro Harlem Brundtland, talking about '*the setting of a course towards a common future" in the Old Theatre. Photo: Pam Keenan tional research, she said, there are about seventy different species of whales, most of which were badly overcaught for decades, by all the countries engaged in whaling. After the Whaling Convention was agreed upon, though, Norway did cease to catch the endangered species, and only continues to catch a small quota of whales, of which more than eighty thousand exist in the North Atlantic alone. In referring to the Stockholm Conference on the Human Environment, she quoted that "states have a right to exploit their own natural resources and the responsibility to ensure that activities within their own jurisdiction do not cause damage to other states". Acid rain does often cause damage outside the do- mains of a given country, whereas any objections to whaling, Brundtland emphasized, are based on sentiment. She further stated that the management of natural resources in any country cannot be decided on the basis of sentiment: "It is not a question of world sentiment where acid rain is concerned, it is a question of fact. Moreover, it is not a question of Norwegian sentiment, that we don't like that our forests are being destroyed -certainly we don't like it, but the fact is, it is being destroyed! This is why other countries have a responsibility towards us. But what if the Norwegian people and parliament decided that we don't like foxhunting, and that we expect the English to respect that we don't morally approve of foxhunting." That final twist to Brundtland's answer may have been humorous (indeed, many thought that it was), but she did pose a thought provoking point! If you hold it against Norwegian fishermen that they kill whales: why should members of the English upper class be allowed to keep on with their foxhunting? In an interview with Brundtland, at the reception which was given for her after the lecture, she repeated that she thinks that the issue has been misinterpreted by many and overexposed rather unfairly, especially by Greenpeace. But perhaps the discussion on the latter is better left for another article. To end then: is there anyone interested in saving the poor fox? Tango with Parris Toby Childs The Times sketch writer Matthew Parris was invited by 'Demos' to talk about "Fame and Politics". The subject seemed to be interpreted differently by the speaker who concentrated upon an autobiographical account of his rise to near fame, with just a little politics thrown in. This unexpected swingin subject was nevertheless entertaining and one characterised by luck. For instance when all the prefects were expelled for smoking marijuana he became head of the school, being too "green" to touch it. After a spell at Cambridge he was approached by MI6 and viewed favourably because of his knowledge of an admiral's daughter. Not being very good as a spy he joined Mrs Thateh-er's staff where he had his first taste of fame. A grumpy, intolerant old woman wrote to Parris complaining about welfare scrounging minorities. His decision to abruptly point out that she should be grateful for living at the taxpayers expense was not warmly received by the media, the letter being published on the front page of the Mirror. Defeating Messrs Lilley and Howard for a safe Tory seat in an obscure Derbyshire constituency he entered the Commons only to leave when he discovered the impotence of a backbencher and so became a sketch writer. Although the tales and escapades in his varied life were amusing the relevance was not always clear. Mr. Parris himself admitted he was not entirely sure of what he should speak upon. The importance of luck emerged as a significant element in careers. It appears fortune must be a woman. 29th November 1993 Tfie (JCdl/er News -3 Russell Remains As Reid Gets Riled Ben Oliver Last week's Union General Meeting was closed amid angry scenes when a suspended member of the union refused to leave the Old Theatre. Dennis Russell, disciplined several weeks ago for assaulting another student in Houghton Street, was barred from union meetings as part of his punishment. He was asked to leave by sabbatical officers, but remained in his seat with fellow members of the Revolutionary Communist Party, forcing UGM chair Simon Reid to close the meeting after only fifteen minutes. As Reid spoke from the podium one of Russell's friends, not a student at the LSE, took the microphone and denounced what he termed the "censorship" being imposed by union officers. He was loudly opposed by members of the SWSS but was supported by Tories and many of those on the balcony. After the meeting had been closed Russell himself took the stage, condemning unions which sought to "restrict free speech". Students questioned the officers' right to expel Russell and close the meeting, claiming such action required a vote of the meeting. Speaking afterwards. General Secretary Tesher Fitzpatrick said, "Dennis was specifically barred from the UGM. By a unanimous decision of the disciplinary committee he lost his speaking" rights and was told he would be escorted out if he tried to enter." "The UGM is a forum for discussing and passing policy. We are anxious to avoid any further disturbances." UGM chair Simon Reid said, "I closed the meeting after a request from Tesher. The meeting was already disorderly and there was a certain level of personal intimidation. I refuse to accept that; it's not part of the job description of anyone here." "There is an element of the constitution that says where a particular event is not covered the chair is required to make a ruling. If Dennis has been barred then I can't run a UGM with him there." Dennis Russell was unavailable for comment. UGM Chair, Simon Reid, who closed last week's meeting after just fifteen minutes. Photo: Steve East Slow Re-Action From the Action Bank, Claim Students Beaver Staff After an eloquent address to freshers in the new theatre at the beginning of term, first years rushed off in their hundreds to open Nat West Bank accounts, having probably been swayed by the various enticements on offer. Cheque books, cash cards, Switch facility, overdrafts and a free £25 incentive were eagerly awaited. It came as a surprise to many when various perks were not received. Afew encountered difficulties which left them penniless at a time when the money was desperately needed. Complaints to the bank were met with varying degrees of reticence and incompetence, making the Bank less than popular with many people. Inconsistencies appeared to anger most of the disgruntled customers. One student. Mat Forder, was told he would not have a cash card till £500 was deposited in his account, whereas the normal sum for most students was £400. Refusals to overdraft requests was another common grievance. The Bank insisted that an overdraft facility should only be granted when the need for it arose. This somewhat shortsighted attitude belies the fact that many students cannot pinpoint the exact moment when they are going to need the facility. Another major area of dissatisfaction was the inability of the system to open accounts applied for at home. The application tended to disappear. This has been blamed on the inefficiency of home branches, not the one in Houghton Street. Defending the Nat West record, staff pointed out that the annual surge is often going to* cause unforeseen errors or problems. The vast majority of transactions were successfully handled, butNat West admit all should have been. This does not satisfy a few students who are considering closing their accounts in disgust, but are too fearful to in case they encounter the same problem elsewhere. The irony is that it is because people rarely change their accounts that banks target students, to handle their money in the future, apparently whatever the degree of service Editor's Tip Andreas Whittam Smith, editor of The Independent, spoke at a meeting organised by the LSE Chaplaincy last Monday. The Editor spoke with some relief about the survival of his paper, despite the recent price cut of The Independent's main competitor, The Times. He said the main readership losses had been incurred principally by the Daily Telegraph. The speech was given in a freezing cold room, because somebody had left the window open. Photostory: Pam Keenan IhB BM Of llB IM (News in Phil Gomm and Steve Roy Tube poweiHess Wlwpe Is Dan T Hundreds of LSE students were left stranded with 20,000 others last Wednesday when a power failure on London Underground brought chaos to the capital. As a result 25 trains were brought to a standstill between stations, meaning passengers were forced to abandon their trains, walk along dark, rat-infested tunnels, to escape up emergency shafts. Some students were reportedly trapped in trains for over two hours. The fault occurred when two high voltage cables blew up, the second of which was supposed to be an emergency backup system. Those few students who did arrive in time for classes reported that attendance was well down, even for early morning. One person who escaped any delay was the BeaverEditor, Ron Voce, who upon waking, heard that there was problems on the Tube, promptly got up, jumped on a train, and arrived at the LSE ' at 7.30 am. Such dedication is thought apparently to be sadly lacking among other high-profile newspaper editors. Page 9 of London Student's latest issue contains an article purporting to be about the increasing number of students turning to crime. The reporter, Jessica Childs, cites two LSE students, "Mark", who is a "self confessed kleptomaniac', who apparently has now left the LSE, and "Dan",who "uses various tricks to avoid discovery" at the noble art of book theft. If anyone knows Dan, or has seen him lurking about, could they please contact the News Editors in the Beaver Office. In the meantime, Dan's identity remains a mystery, except to those at London Student who interviewed him. It remains to be seen whether the Student Newspaper of the Year will name names, or whether we will see more of their reporters quoting other anonymous LSE students engaged in criminal activity. At the current time a number of LSE students are writing for London Student, including Chris Hadley, who holds one of the News Editor positions. 4 - Politics Tfte l^eavey 29th November 1993 Just as the Tories werfe begiriimiig to liopfe the fuss tyyer Maastrichlj B^irope aild: all dyiKsg dowsn; along it com^s-agam. Bill Cash:and Normaii :Tefckbit:r^e€!ntiy spoke at; a Welsh V.C. conference, urgiag: local paries- id sielect anii-Europeans for the; Sbrop^ aii: ieieieftibns iiext y^ar; ; aa idea wMch se^ms soni^wliat lEo^cai until one remoitibers that the Tones expect to have : just a handful of European: seats by July. Oil the isarae day, Hugh DyKes^ihe most pVo-'Buropean : of the Tory M.P.s was hos ting the Otoer^^ Etiropean Soelety's; conference m London. The linkTha^heiiieS in: the; Harrow l^ast: Conservative ^association are set to itf.and deselect Dykes and, POLITICKING hears-:lhe loading movers in thi^ Bizarre coufs^ of itction are the Young Conseryatiye|s lii; Harrow Eapt, :: Apart from amiouricing the • 'ireform' of th6 Stiidehts' tJn|ohs>; the Queens'^ • iS^ieecfi, was a d«li affair with the: more- interesting; political debatfe going oh in the eld Seftp; empty Ghamher of the Consitions .Left Labour S^nnis Skin -ner sits but:on principle eyery j^^ but this ; year was joined by flyeothera. Rather than Just sit there, they decided to entertain themselves and Skinner took the Spe^k^r's Chair for a debate oh the monarchy and one on the House of Lords. Both debatesj proposing abolition of said institutions, wero won by five to nil; Skinner was imprestsiye in the Chair:; How does POLITICKING know T Bei^auSe the proceed-ings were recorded by the B.B.C., prepai^ng for ; the aifti-ernoons* debate, and bbotiegged;c6p!es:of the tape are me : from POLITICKING^s own contacts within the School and the wider political;worlid.: Othei^,:; however, are gleaned: from the-press: and vaiHr' ous political journals that m ay not be seen by all who read ihis esteemed publication, and for those: accusing this columii, of plagiafism re-: ¦; member, the best stories iaJreoften to be found ing more than one source. "People Friendly" Goods Paul Jacklin In the 1980's the environmentally friendly good came of age. Increasing public concern about the environment changed to some extent the way manufacturers produced and marketed their products. Some environmentally friendly claims had greater legitimacy than others but the changes in consumer demand have undoubtedly had some positive environmental effects (e.g. the CFC free aerosol). However shouldn't we also be concerned about the conditions of those who produce our goods? Workers in the third world are particularly vulnerable, where they often don't receive a fair price for their goods or their labour and are subjected to inhumane working conditions. Some examples should help to illustrate the point. Only 12p of the cost of a £1.50 jar of coffee goes to the grower. Field workers account for just 1.5% of the cost of a banana. Female workers in brazil nut factories work in temperatures in excess of 40°C (100°F), they have to reapply for their jobs each year and prove they are not pregnant. In Sierra Leone, Sieromoco, a subsidiary of the Swiss aluminium giant Alusuise pays labourers in its bauxite mines 60 pence per day. The plight of third world workers is largely a consequence of the world trade system which puts developing countries at a disadvantage vis-a-vis industrialized ones. Many third world countries are commodity dependent which means they depend on the export of primary products (minerals, cocoa, coffee and tea) to earn foreign exchange. In economic parlance such products are said to have a low income elasticity of demand. In English it means that their price relative to manufactured goods falls. A kilo of sisal, the raw material of string and rope, buys only a fifth of what it did in 1983. One solution would be for the third world to process its commodities and thus obtain the value added currency achieved in the rich nations. However, rich countries prevent this through a system of tariffs which rise according to the degree of processing. Commodity Markets are also dominated by massive transnational corporates: No. of Co. % share Tea 3 85% Tobacco 4 87% Cocoa 3 83% Bananas 3 80% As there are so many commodity produces and so few buyers, market power rests with the buyer and the price will tend to stay low (misuse of a monopoly). Christian Aid have recently launched a Trade for change campaign which tries to address itself to the problems faced by the third world in trade. The concept of "people friendly" goods is but a small part of that campaign. It serves an example of what can be achieved through fair trade. "People friendly" goods have been available a long time. Traidcraft has for years bought from sources which gave workers a better deal and pursue responsible social policies. However, they have only served a niche market retailing through Oxfam shops and fair trade catalogues. The introduction of Cafedirect. Such brands achieved 3% market share and are' available in 90% of supermarkets in Holland. Four UK fair trade organisations (Traidcraft, Equal Exchange, Oxfam Trading and TWIN trading) were behind the launch of Cafedirect. They went for mass production which enables them to achieve the economies of scale necessary to compete with established brands on price. Initially the supermarkets were not prepared to stock Cafedirect but as soon as Waitrose did, they all became interested. It is now stocked in most of the stores of the leading supermarkets (and in the LSESU shop). So far it has been a success and the number of suppliers is having to be extended. What benefits have the 20,000 farmers who supplied Cafedirect from Cooperatives in Peru, Costa Rica and Mexico (soon Nicaragua) also derived? Well they receive 45p per packet, approximately 33.3% of the retail price. One tangible benefit of this is that their children are now able to receive an education. It is hoped an instant Cafedirect will be launched in the spring of next year. Generally though the raison d'etre of Cafedirect is to persuade manufacturers and retailers that there is a consumer demand for fairly traded goods. It is not practical for small fair trade organisations to displace established brands, rather than aim to make those brands fairly traded. To this erid the Fair Trade Foundation has been set up. Companies are invited to apply for the Fair Trade Mark. The foundation would then make an independent assessment based on its preestablished criteria. If the company was successful it could then carry the Fair Trade Mark on its product. As yet no company has been appointed but interest has been expressed. That companies see commercial potential in the idea is evinced by Typhoo who recently included a leaflet in their tea sating "caring for tea and our pickers". Consumer power can be used to encourage best practice. Littlewoodshas a code of conduct for its product buyers which means they won't buy garments if certain working conditions are infringed. However, Littlewoods does not use this as a selling point. By changing customer culture, such practice would be rewarded and a small step would be made in improving the plight of people in the third world. Between Monday 29th November and Friday 3rd December, LSE Third WorldFlrst is having its own Fair Trade Campaign. A stall will be in the Quad between 2-4pm where there will be letter writing, coffee tasting(Cafedirect competes on quality as well as price) and general information. We shall also be submitting a motion to the UGM. Political Dictionary Madman: a foreign leader who is objectified as if lacking any rationality. Particularly useful for describing someone whose country is high on the list of potential targets for US Military attack. Market Place: Makes the multinational corporate arena sound as folksy, accessible, and open to newcomers as a neighbourhood farmers market. Massive Invasion into the confidentiality of: Could expose what I did. Melting Pot: An ora-torical recipe for America, without mentioning that those at the bottom are most likely to get burned. Militaiy Dictator: Out of favour with the US Government.- Military Leader: A militaiy dictator in favour with the US Government. Move the Groal Posts: For PoHticions trginsfixed with playinggames, an ultimate outrage. My Good Friend: In poHticion speak, just about any coUegue who is not an avowed enemy. Rational I Defence: ^ ^ Nationed military build ups extremely lucrative for huge corporations. National Interests: The vested interests of a powerfiil few in the nation, writlar^e over the heads of the public as equivalent to the best interests of the society as a whole. Neighboiw, Carii^ for neighbour &Com-munityCare: Awonder-ful idea which conveniently substitutes for government programs to help people. Helps distract fix)m demands that poUticions should actually do something substantial about recurring social problems. Neutralize: Kill 29th November 1993 ^he Advertisement - 5 r Marakon Associates Marakon Associates is a strategic management consultancy. We help complex companies achieve superior financial performance through systematic improvement of their strategic and organisational effectiveness. « Applications to: Peter Weston, Recruitment Coordinator, Marakon Associates, 1-3 Strand, London, WC2N 5EJ to arrive before 1st January 1994 London USA Australia J 6 - Opinions ^ If you ha\o any qu<*rioN, roinplaiiifs or c*onsiruc:iivo c*riticUnis« we want to hear from you. be reached . O l.SI£Sr Kfct^ptiofl-or via ihe Library's I su{t£;(*sti»n box iMak(> hurii your mcssngi* IK Hdiit'fihSiid to one or both of us). Kf^mombor' wo ran't addrt^sN your problems if wi»Vh not n«varo of Iht'ni! 8- Campus_TAte l^eavey_29th November 1993 l^usy Qeave Oiiiy in«! Un U burMi this wcok, ho hc^hoa il»oidctd to koeji it shoi*t and ftwect Hnd give you happy punters nonif visiin] stitiiulfiHon iiii»t<)ad. Not, ffo ifot yc/ur thrills fnun Miinc<-where cliiK, yer perverts. j\ol n cxcitinif wcK'k. but BB bcci) all evrs and i*ar»tobrin{{>ou (hobi>ft( mlUsandhith.......... I«a»it Saiurdny saw thoHahtiicius* Ho»>uber>' pai*t> - inado more fsihidous b^ Ihr fnrt lhal (l«M'C*Jir muMif wii»»ptj]yt*> pnrty-};cion« who kindly docidod l4» invito Iho h'isv Brif^adc, who wi'i'c ri^H]J> ini|m'sm«db> th(>.sinj^n}*tnlontsol'UiofTairs Social Secretary. "Are wc* in an> iininrdinte riatiKer?*' ho a>^kwi them^but the only diini;nr to tht* >OLiiig hu^ w:is that of coirii.'» iniorrupius hil(*r on. 'I hr danger* however, was to thr Sub Wanlen of Rosebery, due to I he Hre light int{ skilN dispiayod ut the end of Uic* eveninj; - well done to the young lady who manaffod to rompietely anak faiin uHth a extinguisher. Voii t><*e, blokfss love setting moivt juMtav much at; bii*dK dof Casualty of ih« night inuat go to Skirty fr'imHk!!, whodecided Li>avoid|fettin(;n)oistandcnded tip \frith a black eye instead. Evo-Btiek, you did a good job on h(sr, ni:ito! Up the road at HassfiHld, Strippagranvt are on thn menu in the dining haJi > bealb the tt»u«l 9Uifr «ervi»d ilu*ns anyway!;. Happy belated Birtliday to Mr Uiuihdio« who spent the evening wiUi his hand^ fiil! of beaver (and aUegedty it waik very tasty, too!>. Speakiii^of Ueflver, Miss Kate Tampon L» apparently not happy aliout the faet that herai bas not Iichu utted finite last WedniM-day. BB senda deepest sympatbiefr to her, and any bidn for beaver can be made via tho Student Union pigetin holeR.M.En»uKh bea* ver f«»r this week, I thii\k, exeetit to bay that people look for thero in the ttfrangef»t pUcen " such a» Mr Blue Jean, a player for the ;jrd team* who cImm^c to keep vvatch for them outiside H4?p9um tube iftaUon last week. Bad Luck, mate - Kinjs^s CruatH is probabl> a bet- lUS has been told t n watch oat for a certain Tory who be vl«ttlng Uotij^^ton next week. XxH»k out for the Dim CnravdH, who may be cleaning windows in a pair of cycling fihorto ne^r you Noon. i\nd if you don't underfitand what tho hel> {*ni talking about, then ask a Tor^* to explain it or for* ever hold your piece. Anyuruy, lhaC'«i >our installment for rhift week, BO it*s gooiibye from me. and remem** bor (hat ulJ> actimis invulving beavers, bums, andpaekageitof any sIm* could criMt vou vour Ufe well your repntation, anyway! A laMt word of warning - BB is Hatching you and your mysterious ginger lurrrvvv Irianglo! PS A big hello to Mr Stupid, the paedki^iHftc with a peiac^umt for disabili^ Reaver \ Do you have any gossip you would like to | share with the rest of LSE? If so, BB would \ like to hear from you. Simply post your i tittle-tattle to the following address: Busy | Beaver, C/O The Campus Editors via the | Beaver Collection boxes or drop us a line | via the vax. So simple, even Mr Stupid | could do it..................I Balcony Boys Say "Bollocks" aiming at saving tha wepU Hampton's haaUT David Whippe There are several reasons for attending the weekly Union General Meeting, but two stand out especially. In an attempt to enhance your understanding of them, I have created a couple of pleasing scenarios to make them all the easier to digest. The first involves an aspiring politician's acceptance by the L.S.E., and his subsequent willingness to get involved in party feuding on a much more childish level. He therefore joins the party of his preference, and after having dispensed with the initial formalities of inserting his tongue firmly up the chairman's behind, ultimately finds himself offering vocal support at the foremost of the British Isles legislative bodies, the U.G.M. This sort of conscientious character is typcal of the hardy perennials who constitute the political bent of your average meeting. The second scenario involves the lad who has just been cruelly cast-aside by the most gorgeous girl he's ever had the honour of getting regular sex from. (As we all know, men have one-track minds). This cessation of easy-access nookie has left him with that familiarly vengeful feeling whereby he feels compelled to throttle her slim neck, stab every teddy-bear she ever gave him, and smash his stereo into myriad pieces. (Granted, this is a rational train of thought, yet one prone to regrets the following morning when you wish to play your "favourite" Cure C.D. and contemplate the least bothersome forms of suicide). In summary therefore, he is looking for a huge punch-up, and where better to get it than a political arguing shop? He thus also makes his way to the Old-Theatre every Thursday at 1:00, although heads for the balcony where the opportunities for violence and sinful wrong-doing are infinitely greater in scope. With our understanding of the social make-up of the illustri- ''We can only count one dickhead" ous U.G.M. enhanced, we may now skip jauntily to the proceedings. The first thing that strikes you is the uncanny resemblance it bears to an England-football m'at.ch, "although, this must be qualified by the existence of more hooligans and fewer Dutch riot-police. The second that strikes you is probably a rolled-up copy of the Beaver thrown by some guilty party such as myself. Despite my best efforts though, there appears to be one gentleman who has elevated paper-throw-ing to an art form, and is incomparably talented at propelling any sized paper ball at huge velocity and with pin-point accuracy. It is indeed one of my stated aims to be as gifted as this man by the time I leave the L.S.E. My original goal of a degree pales into insignificance when compared with the ultimate prestige of consistently hitting Adam Morris on the head as hard as humanly possible.Another facet of the U.G.M. is the fact that (despite my left-wing tendencies), you feel ultimately compelled to be as fascist as they come. This is engendered not only by the fact that every U.G.M. decision is utterly worthless (thus rendering your vote the same), but also by the presence of the rugby team in the row behind me. It is therefore obligatory to laugh at all of James Atkinson's speeches whilst concurrently trying to lodge pieces of paper in Leandro's dungarees. Despite all this laddish thuggery, an attempt is being made in the arena below to hold a serious political debate, and this is ultimately the Achilles-Heel of the U.G.M. This is because it tries to pass judgement over national and international issues, and no self-respecting politician in his right mind gives a flying-frig as to the opinions of the stu- Photo: Pam Keenan dents at the L.S.E. He would not even bother to summon up the breath necessary to laugh at us contemptuously. Thus, while other unions are debating worth-while pursuits such as the timng of the next sponsored bungee-jump, ours is merely wasting its time, until it changes however, it shall continue to be one of the highlights of my week, and a consistent provider of a bloody good laugh. Win One Of Tim Newman and BaddM vmeoe Newman & Baddiel Competition 1. Who were the other double act on the Maiy Whltehouse Experience? 2. Name the two Professors in the sketx^ 'History Todays 3. Where is the last show of the Live and in Pieces tour? Answers on paper to The Beaver throt^^ the usual channels Suiter^ut l^airbeirs Sliiimpoo+ Cut Only £7 (For evoiNcimvnot ju^ ntudcnts, jtl Ifu' time) Monday - Friday 8.^1) am till 6.30pm Saturday 10.00am - 5.00pm 177 Drury Lane Covent Garden London WC2B 5GF Tel.071 831 6116 Haim Proprietor [YiTflWi' ^ [•17 YPt Ha iMiiiM WnUr Grid ¦for tS niMi Oomm iq JH1^ ^ iflnnii spKUw Gdia fl - fw MM in Tani 1088 ' Novn lAr 2811 > DiMiibw flth Greenpeace • ' AGM, 6.00pm in room A698. LSE Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Society introduce Andrew Billington, Health Advisor from Middlesex Hospital. He will be discussing "Safer Sex" and other related topics. 6.00pm in H216. 7.15pm. Shaw Library. LSE Music Society Michaelmas Term Concert. Choir and Orchestra with Matthew Taylor, conductor. Haydn: "Missa Sancti Nicolai (Mass No 6 in G)"; Shostakovich: "Piano Concerto No 2 in F"; Haydn: "Te Deum No 2 in G". (Repeat perfonri-ance tomorrow same time, same place). Stringfellows without 1) Paying a small fortune 2) Being humiliated by the bouncers as you and your ''hot" date get turned away 3) Shagging a page 3 model. For only £5 (tickets on sale in Houghton Street), you can dance from 9pm. to Sam. One word of warning, it's smart attire (You have been warned). The European Society and the Grimshaw Club invite everybody to come to their Christmas Boat Party on the Thames at 8pm., tonight. Tickets are £4 for members and £5 for non-members and can be bought in Houghton Street. The Jazz Society presents the swingin' guitar/sax duo, "Double Standards". 8pm. onwards in the Underground. £1 members/ £1.50 otherwise. AIESEC announce "the party to go to...", "party the night away at London's most exclusive and celebrated West End nightclub...". To be honest it maybe the only chance you get of going to WORLD AIDS DAY!! 2pm. Venue TBA Rag Society meeting. It is vital that anyone who is interested in helping on Mini-rag day tomorrow or in Rag Week next term attends this meeting. So come along, join in and help us raise loads of money! Socialist Worker Student Society Debate "How Do We Change Society: Reform or Revolution?" Speakers: Meghnand Desai (Professor of Economics at LSE) vs. Pat Stack (Journalist for Socialist Review). l-2pm in the New Theatre. The ULU Christmas Do University of London Union, Malet St, WCl (071 580 9551). 7pm-3am. Fri 3 Dec. Peroxide Blondey (another Tribute Band would you believe it), Locomotown and dancing'til late with Lost in Music. Christmas Ball King's College London Student Union, Macadam Building, Surrey ' St, WC2 (071 836 7132). 9pm-3am. Fri 3 Dec. Live bands, discos and casinos. Goldsmith's College Christmas All-Nighter Goldsmith's College Student Union, Lewisham Way, New Cross (081 692 1406). 8pm-6am. The Prodigy live, with a massive sound system and laser lightshow. Christmas Club Noyz University of London Union, Malet St, WCl (071 580 9551). 7pm-lam. Special prices and silliness at the Chart dance night. There is a workshop on conquering and healing of racism, initiated by the Baha'i Society. 2-4pm. in S75. The regular Rag Film Night again takes place in the New Theatre. Usual prices apply, see posters for details of tonight's films. The LSE Labour Club has a "Beer and Sandwiches" evening in the Underground from 7.30pm. Admission is free. The Latin American Society holds its annual Christmas Party at Legends. Tickets will have been on sale for some time by the time you read this and they say "buy early to avoid disappointment". If you want a ticket they are £4/£6 depending on membership. 10pm. to 3am. Dress to spice!! Yes folks, Christmas is coming and so is mini-rag day, so be prepared....to part with your cash. For all the adrenalin junkies, there will be abseiling down the old building, for those of you who prefer a slower pace of life, mellow out in the Tuns, it will be open all day. Please keep your change handy though, we'll be wandering around school all day with collecting cans. Favours, favours... QMW Labour Students invite you to hear Roger Berry MP on "Does Full Employment Matter?" 5.00pm., Quiet Lounge. Centre For Economic Performance Public Lecture. 5.30pm. Old Theatre. Gavyn Davies, from Goldman Sachs International Ltd on "The UK Budget and the Optimal Level of Public Debt". Admission free. 5-6pm. A44. Investment Society Meeting. Speaker: Richard Farrel, Equity Team Director, Guiness Flight Global Asset Management. Subject: The Emerging Markets in South East Asia. All welcome. The Mediterranean Society are holding a wine-tasting evening in A85 from 6.30pm. Admission costs £2.50 but is free for members! The wine is free once you have entered and there is an opportunity to win more in a competition. KCL/LSE Geographical Association present their "annual X-Mas beer party".........all you can drink for £5. Venue A85 and A86, from 7pm to 11pm. The Scandinavian Society hold their Annual Christmas Party at 7.00pm. in the Quad. £4/ £5, tickets include free food from Scandinavian style "Smorgasbord" and Glogg. Schnaps and beer will also be on sale at low prices. If all that doesn't tickle your fancy, the first episode of the Battle of Tequila takes part tonight. The London School of Tequila are at Limelight from 9.30pm to 4am. With tickets only £5 advance and shots 50p. any arguments about ripping off punters may be forgotten... We will wait and see.... Should be a blast, mind. The Time Tunnel Disco is still with us. The music is now even better. The beer is even cheaper and it's still FREE!!!! Those of you who are living in Halls will be sitting down to a rare Xmas feast tonight, accompanied, no doubt, by large quantaties of free wine! The Cypriot Society will be holding a party in A85 and A86. They will be there imtil the early hours. Battle of Tequila Part Two...The SU are organising a rival Tequila party in the Tuns. Tickets are available in advance or on the door, see posters (are there enough of them??) for details. This week Julie Bnery investigates the pieasures of London's pubs and bars, without getting a hangover. Let's face it. Sooner or later you get sick and tired and sitting in the union bar every night, looking at the same faces and listening to the same tapes/selections from the jukebox. And if there's one thing London's not short of, it's pubs and bars. From after-work suits and ties paradise the Lamb & Flag, to the trendier-than-thou Beach Blanket Babylon in Notting Hill, all types of drinkers are catered for in our fine and wondrous city. You just need to know where the best ones are, and, indeed, those to avoid. First off, any pubs with black-suited.boim'cers stationed outside its doors should be shunned.Jt generally means they're used to troublesome punters or is the kind of pub that charges admission and lets in 'ladies' (whoever they are) free before 9.30pm. Such pubs include the loathsome Punch & Judy and the once great, now truly awful Spice of Life at Cambridge Circus. One of the best bars in the city, to my mind anyway, is Bradley's Spanish Bar in Hanway Street. A weird mix of faded purple velvet seats, orange formica tables and Thai staff, the jukebox features an eclectic mix of music from the Sex Pistols to Johnny Cash, and the clientele a mixture of joumos, musos and students. Bar Sol in Covent Garden is for those who like their bars loud and busy. Happy hour lasts until 8pm Tuesday to Thursday, and there are various dance nights throughout the week from soul to samba. Other bars worth checking out in the area include the stylish Brixtonian Backayard (but only if someone else is paying) and The Spot, where assorted clubbers, Arsenal team members and Australian pop stars have been known to gather (I once saw Kylie Minogue in there munching a salad, so there). Soho is also a good spot for trendy bars and pubs. The French House (just call it 'the French' for added street cred) where you can't order a pint because they don't serve 'em; the so infamous it's tedious Coach & Horses> favourite watering hole of Jeffrey Bernard and other media types; and Dutch pub De Hems with its lovely old sofas upstairs (only don't go at the weekend unless you're into claustrophobia). The Dog House, winner of this year's Time Out Best Bar Award (see how I manage to get in these cheap plugs every week?), is a favourite meeting place for Soho types and trendies, and their flavoured vodkas are highly recommended. Famous pubs in the capital include the Princess Louise in Holborn (although I don't know why, I just know it is), with its wide choice of real ales, and the George Inn near London Bridge, the city's own surviving coaching inn, with its small, interconnecting rooms and low beamed ceilings. Of course this is a tiny selection of places to get hangovers: you could stick to the union bar, or even your living room. But then you'd miss the excitement of the bar staff saying 'time gentlemen please'; the thrill of freezing your extremities off while waiting for the 36 bus; and the exhilaration of conversations with pissed idiots on the Northern Line. Aaaah London, I love it. 10 - Arts Tfie Vieavey 29th November 1993 Anglo - Irish Disagreement Ben Oliver Writing a play within the confines of a familiar historical setting is not easy; there's a fine line between brutalising the characters to fit the events, and sacrificing historical accuracy for the sake of drama. Helen Edmundsonhas achieved what Shakespeare often didn't; 'The Clearing' presents well-drawn characters and a satisfying narrative against the background of Cromwell's 'ethnic cleansing' of Ireland in the 1650s. The plot centres on a young couple whose mixed marriage serves as an indicator of those troubled times. Robert is an educated English gentleman who farms an estate in Ireland left to him by his father. He marries and has a child with Maddy, daughter of a neighbouring Irish farmer. Both Robert and his English friend Solomon, a landowner, are sympathetic to the Irish; Solomon even speaks a few words of Gaelic. Their tolerance is in contrast with the attitudes of Cromwell and his local governor, Sturman, who plan to move Royalists and those not entirely sjTnpathetic to the Protestant faith off their lands to resettlement in barren Connaught. Solomon fought for the King and is threatened with displacement. Robert is acquainted with the Governor and a contributor to the Cromwellian cause, but his position is threatened first when he attempts to intercede for Solomon, and again when Maddy goes to the Governor to plead for the release of her childhood friend Killaine, who is kidnapped and about to be sold as a slave. Robert is identified as an Irish sympathizer and is forced to choose between losing his land and disowning his wife. Maddy is the most striking character of the piece; her friend Killaine describes her as having "two lives in her" after her mother died in childbirth. She's vivacious and wilful; Robert is initially attracted by her fiery nature but still expects an element of obedience which Maddy finds it difficult to give. She is torn between her family and Killaine, whose waif-like vulnerability contrasts with her friend's self-assurance. There are no performances that really stand out, though no-one is exposed as a weak link. Stephen Boxer is underused, giving a fine performance as the bigoted, cowardly, inflexible Governor; inflexible at least until his racism is appealed to. Susan Lynch is engaging as Maddy, and Lynda Bassett, as Solomon's wife Susaneh offers an excellent portrayal of pride and earthy nobility in the face of dispossession. The cast may improve as the run continues; Tuesday night's performance was marred by more than a few fluffed lines, and some of the timing was rather uncertain. The production is helped by a gloomy set of mouldy panelling and a forest scene to one side, which suits the misty, damp Ireland hinted at in the script. "The Clearing" is solid, entertaining drama, both moving and accurate. A few members of the audience were moved to tears; it might not affect you as strongly but the pathos of the piece is undeniable. Playing at the Bush, Shepherds Bush Green. This is well worth seeing if you can spare a few quid and are looking for something cultured to do. First Amongst Friends and Equals Dennis Lim Meet Andy, Billy and Trevor - three rich, spoiled, suburban brats who decide that a life of drug-dealing and armed robbery is going to be a lot more fun and exciting than Ivy League schools and law practices. That, dificult as it is to swallow, is essentially the premise of Rob Weiss's first feature film, "Amongst Friends". The first twenty minutes or so rushes through a whole decade affording us glimpses of the threesome's teenage exploits culminating in Trevor's arrest in a police sting. He serves a two-year sentence and then returns to Five Towns to see Laura, his high-school sweetheart, who was seeing Billy while Trevor was locked up. Billy has since become something of a name on the local gangster scene, while Andy's been rather less successful. Trevor, although at first reluctant, is convinced by Andy to get involved in a robbery, which predictably goes awry. It's a simple plot - simple to the point of transparency sometimes. Recycled themes abound -love triangles, strained friendships, inevitable betrayal, subsequent revenge. The bulk of the film is * k Sabbaticals get tough in new move for Student Union disciplinary procedures. set in the present and as a result, the relationship between the three friends is barely defined save for a recurring image of three 12-year-olds at play (against the cleverly chosen backdrop of Big Audio Dynamite II's "Innocent Child"). It's admittedly a very strong image, but also a hollow one. Sketchy, hazy information seems to be all Weiss can be bothered to provide and this leaves the ensuing confrontation nowhere near as effective as it could have been. Weiss's logic must be that style can compensate for shoddy content because too often, he leaves too much unsaid - the motivations of his characters are never obvious, which makes it virtually impossible to empathise with them. The ending is a little too tidy, and more worryingly, a tad moralistic - crime never pays (yawn). Weiss's reference points are painfully clear. Whoever wrote the press release had the decency to admit that "Amongst Friends" was an attempt to relocate Martin Scorsese's "Mean Streets" to the affluent suburbs of Long Island. Rob Weiss is apparently pissed offthat critics continually compare him to Scorsese - as far as this reviewer is concerned, he should be so lucky. Scorsese's influence here is not insubstantial, but comparisons with the great man are premature - sacrilegious even. Weiss may be a talented director, and this is by most standards a highly satisfactory first effort, but Scorsese's irrepressible panache is seldom paralleled. "Amongst Friends" represents the feature film debut for all three of its young leads and for that reason alone, we can overlook the fact that the acting is hardly ever more than adequate - Patrick McGaw as the luckless Trevor being the lone exception. "Amongst Friends" is remarkably polished for such a low-budget effort. It's a neat package - reasonably well-scored by Mick Jones, snatches of typical American college music (Lemonheads, Ministry and the shitty Stone Temple Pilots), clever camera manipulation. But ultimately and ironically, all this succeeds primarily in showing up the film for what it really is i.e. in making it woefully apparent that beneath the slick, sleek veneer is a perfectly ordinary film which tries a little too hard to convince us otherwise. WBaralpytagtoll span II8G3IISB WB aracpapatlaytag out our pages. H you have anytittag for the Arts BItops (Nav, Geolt, Ben, SoppelftMck) pleasaifeMpltlite Ow Beaver omc8 (E187) OP leavB It li the Beaver post boxes areuid the 29th November 1993 Tfie y^eaveir Face Values from Mel Dennis Lim I must say I was really impressed at first - Mel Gibson's decision to mutilate half of his greatest asset seemed like a very courageous one. But it isn't very long before you realize that "The Man Without A Face" is every bit as safe and calculated as, say, the Lethal Weapon trilogy. Gibson is the titular man, Justin McLeod, a former teacher whose mysterious, rumour-filled past has left him not only scarred for life, but also ostracized by a typically small-minded and parochial community. Chuck Norstadt is a 12-year-old, who conveniently enough is badly in need of a tutor to help him pass a military school entrance exam. But Chuck doesn't only need tutoring; his father is dead, his mother has since remarried for the umpteenth time and he has to live with his villainous stepsister -which all points to him needing a Father Figure as well. Once the characters are established, you can work the rest out without too much trouble. Initially awkward relationship fol-lowed by blossoming friendship and respect. Messy family problems, murky past dredged up all over again, stupid town people initiating stupid rumours. Adversity, emerging triumphant over adversity. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't spoil the ending for you, because surely you already know it. This film is based on a book, but it could just as well be a pastiche of a few other films. Take an inspiring and innovative teacher ("Dead Poets' Society"), combine him with a disabled (or in this case disfigured) mentor ("Scent Of A Woman") and throw in a cute little kid (just about every other movie ever made) - how could anyone possibly go wrong from there? Anyone who has (quite understandably) felt an overwhelming urge to inflict horrible and excruciating pain on Macauley Culkin will be relieved to know that newcomer Nick Stahl is the least irritating child actor in years. Gibson's effort at directing is not going to win him any awards, but he certainly impresses. He always knows what he's doing - and more importantly, he's actually good at it. His acting doesn't reveal anything we don't already know - that he can perform, but is too lazy to most of the time. The ending is crafted to elicit adjectives like inspirational and moving. Personally, I thought it scored a little too high on the Maudlin Scale. If you're in a weepy mood, this will not fail to touch you, but if not, it just might irritate the hell out of you. "The Man Without A Face" is a quintessential feel-good movie and like far too many feel-good movies, it treads a precariously thin line which separates feeling good from feeling plain nauseated. 11 U Painting by numbers, the IPS way..... a portrait of anyone we know? Ben Oliver Reviewing films is not the cushy job most think it to be. Last Monday I had to drag myself out of' bed to be at the Lumiere Cinema by 10.30; not easy given the state I had been in the night before. I had such a bad case of the shakes I hjad difficulty holding the complimentary cup of coffee; someone was doing roadworks in my head and I wasn't con- vinced the contents of my stomach were going to stay put. All of this isn't really conducive to reviewing difficult French films. You need a certain amount of physical well-being to be able to concentrate for two hours on the emotional roller-coaster rides being experienced by the leading characters and then come out and be not only intelligent but critical and entertaining about what you've just seen. *IP5', the new film by Jean-Jacques Beineix would not have been an easy film to review had I been in the peak of fitness. There is an element of narrative to follow, but the meat of the film lies elsewhere, in the idea of searching common to all three main characters. To deal with the narrative first; Tony, a Paris graffiti artist and his kid friend Jockey are forced to drive a consignment of gnomes across France by a Paris gang. Tony at first refuses, but goes to escape thoughts of a nurse he has fallen in love with but has repelled with his gauche displays of bravado. Jockey comes along, keen to see snow in the Alps but also to escape life with his depressed, alcoholic father. Halfway there, Tony decides to ditch the gnomes and head to Tou- Granpa, We Love You Ron Voce The last ttog I expected t»be on a Tuesday aftisrnoaii to daetaa, but 4m to fact that the. Beaver the lime, I went along to soe etarrmg DoinaM Sutfeer- hi ret3ro^)eclj. am lai?«r md half later I waotdesed h.i«- ir. iT.wrt-ftiTif.' .¦*;oninu\ lO Jl'.i ' U? Itis sed to to I wa& of^Cape Feex Hf-nonr of Doul-A" Iv aiiiitluv tvpical -\snm<'an UimUm tyoo -rsfivip. viih paroU' iiiivma .servtvj '^2 vtMry uf ^ iTiunitT '-c-iiuvi'.o ior ktllkig l}k He wm to tbe it, -he- «AiiI ak-;wt» rvnwniber tuT " 'io jSiid mei FraA tries aod pedK t hnnigh ix*fsiiaBiun arul a iiule hii ui Mibt it-u« r{iaviTi(>» K«ftm that lOtiyht' .tii* ^ ul. aiw>f-arHrt(io. bill I'hi .ii .x\n 'if (s.jjice sUiTtn thf ^>a)l n.ilini. t/.v-moa :in ^ }3mi2S)»jrk^ dknax Yea, £^keP«weU, eyjua^i nirid' hiKrt in northoni Aiizdtia. >T h.»d tt.m--tioaied 10 times ia the film so yoa they th«-re.Uitbvwhaia-Tr.u'iji lout^-M-irbiM comerDm;. Devil RwiM Ttu- is-.-.l.i'h'ly inum-the «3l?feci oc€«ipp^ to Kiarm whkb SiOaHy iaade: r&alise dsS, was a bialL A(.tiJ.*]ly I suppfrfe I (lid kind of likf fiUn, just ,I dida't tihti' so at ifee ^ait. iSutherlan^ wae^^at m fib^ iralues d 05lbti^ but Ortiy ; louse to find his nurse. In the process he steals several cars; one has Leon (Yves Montand in his last role) slumbering on the back seat. The car crashes, the elderly Leon saves the boys from the ensuing fire, and leads them into the magnifi-cently-shot French countryside on a bizarre search, the object of which is not at first apparent. The relationship between the three is subtly developed by writer Jacques Forgeas. Tony (Olivier Martinez) is often angry and intractable, and is resistant to the old man's friendliness and wary of his seeemingly supernatural powers. Jockey (Sekkou Sail) is more willing to accept Leon, but equally willing to rob him. The script leads slowly into a discovery of common aims; Tony is searching for his nurse. Jockey for a father figure and Leon, it is revealed, for a lost love; an attempt to recapture the early days of a life threatened by ill-health and insanity. The pace of the film slows as Leon and the boys begin their walks in the woods; in places it seems to lose direction, in others it misses natural conclusions but is sustained by the photography, the scenery and the quality of the acting. Martinez as Tony is artfully sullen. Sail plays the cocky kid without exaggeration and Montand-is, well, Yves Montand. It seems fitting that the great man's last film should introduce some new talent. With strong supporting performances (and reasonably accurate subtitles) this is more than just a tree-hugging film for our times. 29th November 1993 Rusty Biog Bock Party Bullet Hole J ^very does aom^ime in their Jife, BBH is going to do a few namdchecka (in ao ^ particular ord«r|... .. Anfie Btumortd (c^ifl 'rh*?i*a Hird^ Aari^ka^ Hice (gooify rei«rdV Andrew OVoxmar^ Esther' ft^mUcn IV-ni.»n(i\^i.C'iX j.vnnK:tWi€St«-\Vi).j.lJput.-or wbatX John StajpktiOR, t^Yi^ Tfltmmt = «i3ea«,Jt®Nte*lBa)*t7nioiPe^' Roy Walker, <^a Black (lorra lorra makeup), S' ( jir l.:jn\ (.vjv,L>ji P-nii'i , Ball isnwtarjae)^ Tony 5>ortw (livifig of life^ fbms lower than Simes), Mike Smitbi, -MlaiJ Clary^l Mark Lamarr ^aj^t)gant git), Jeremy Beadle (two^^ - hA ha -VniJS Rohinafid^ Cook"^ Ihopelttliiy »me Mon will blow ym ^way &om%^ Mai^i Clarke, Rod H?ill (gUtttjring career, I tisitik), Barry Cryej*, Fraik M«ir (pemsX Eobiosoti» Magnussoa, Uliika Jol^Siio^^ {talent?), Joha FashaBU^ Matthew Lorenzo ^where the ftiek did they find him), AniJi^ Tonieri Biam> Louise tJordaJj, L&sUfi Ci^wther, Tfed tibgera, Vordennan, Ben Elton Denny Baker, Aadi Peters t^re me sterer^fth}, Aiidy Crsm^ Phillip^ Schf^eld, Sarah (h^eo^^^cl'J^ Ches*yl Lion^ Blair, Una ^tubhs, 'terr*^ Wogsm Johoa^anKoBS, Sid IJ^Ie, Eddie La^. Lee DesmW ^ ^ BobMonkho'a»©'Our gejiital$)J Tni:vl^.l u-kburn.Ilobr'url?rig.Hans S?to-i.U.A-oi": T'klimrtr>h.Juw.cn,Rte!«irdMadf»Usy rtskfihai 3JihTTa> OUT »if vourpocker j,.J.ifly Pinnoijsin, Ru'h^tni >!TI!«£M '.^ulv botu'd, nti.pid bas««d '1 'Bercayd MaosMnfj Toby Aasfcis, Mke Morris, I rainelMy, LormineClWi(lAt.toii.Maipi^, ojitft tbe with PurvM. J'>hn 'ptav dia»1 Sh<'p - ofi *otj arturtlly arp, too hee'.. Mike Rood. Miko Reid. Noel hAsnwiU, Kn^hr.yui <;uj'u-MufU»y^ John Cniwn UmiT'lry Filr*' Tfip p'oj; T'r.'Mn, Ru-h.ird Diinlpchy. .Ii'hnntli.m Iniubichw, Iiy33«sa, Chmtophi^ yillerap, BVed Dliadisai^ |ie$s twMX ^iton Wekby^ Al^s^^s$ir Biumot, Keyg,|)ayel^Traviis,NejysHt^|he^s* Wendy Oraig, Eiu/n hctin>. NnUonwid*', Si-n^n o? Prjim:. Ar-tiqnt-Roadshow - impr^ive cv; tbM), Dawn .Joanna Lumley, Rom^ O^ijeil (Aa^rgh), IfeNy' Stntt, -Jnii.i WhitfioUI. Kelli ity hfHiiiil Kich.ird l^n «*«, Caria Laae {aisd anyo?» who*s be«nt wiihi« haiW it yo»jr shitty aiUt^OJi ''comedi^s")^ tTanot Streei-Forter^ Mormski^ Be^l Reid^ Barbara'^ Cajtland^ Dave Baddi«^» Rob Newnaafi {as funny as cancer), Das^O'ConitMir, Amandfi da Cadanet, Katio F^uckrikt Kt?iih Cfe^g'^in , Y'i'etteJ^eldii\g.« Fuck off and dk, the lot of ^-ou. And a spodal mention Foi* Mflr«ethan^l of the alcove -1 know what , you look like, but you do at know wbat> I Imk like,i£ 1 you get my When My Life Story frontman Jake Shilling-ford asks the crowd at the Imperial College Student Union, 'So who's bought our record?', a grand total of three hands are raised. This doesn't come as much of a surprise. You're unlikely to have missed the gaudy posters plastered just about everywhere announcing the release of their first single,'Girl A, Girl B, Boy C, you might have read the glowing reviews in the press, you might even have heard it on Radio One, but if you tried to look for it at any place which isn't an independent shop, you've probably received a blank stare and come away empty-handed. Which is all a real shame. Because if they had a whole lot more marketing muscle behind them and if there were any justice at all. My Life Story would be bona fide pop stars by now. Quite simply because their first single is one of those rare treats - sufficiently radio-friendly, brimming with chart potential and actually rather good. The three tracks on it are testament to a simple fact - Jake Shillingford doesn't write songs, he writes epics -pieces of melodrama with half a bloody orchestra thrown in for good measure. Back to the gig. It's Friday night, which means it's the weekly disco at the ICSU, which means that before the My Life Story - Yet another ill-advised Messiah impersonation band actually come on, we have to suffer through a compost heap of naff tracks by the godawful Spin Doctors and fucking Haddaway. It's a tremendous relief when they finally appear. They tune their instruments very loudly for about a minute before Jake Shillingford makes his dramatic entrance. The band play only seven songs tonight - we get to here all three tracks off the single ('Girl A,...' actually surfaces twice) and a few more as-yet unrecorded ones like 'Motorcade' (introduced as "being put forward for the next Bond movie theme") and something quite dazzling which is probably called 'My Love Stands Triumphant'. Throughout there is little doubting Shillingford's talent -the man can write some top-notch tunes and his lyrics sound good although they're often vague and bemusing ("Genius is genocide, the friends I never knew have died"). Shillingford's on-stage Brettamax Matt Pennell The other day I minced campily into my local friendly megastore, and I bought the latest offering from those glam gods Suede, which is their new video "Love and Poison", at £10.99 it's not cheap, but will offer hours of fun for any discerning Suedester or Suedette, or evenSueddoe depending on what you think. This video is in what I've always reckoned to be a bit of a Cinderella format -The Live Performance Video. No matter which bandit is, watching them on the small screen can never be as good as actually being there.Despite this reservation, I have to say 'Love and Poison' is worth watching, even if like me you were there at the gigs in the first place. The director, Wiz, tries his best to make this as visually interesting as possible, there is heavy use of colour filters and camera trickery which comes off effectively in most cases. The songs played are all of their favourites which I won't bother to list.The last noteworthy thing is that in between songs there is footage concerning the band, including a bit where 5 blokes piss their names up the wall, and the urine trickles into the gutter. So there you have it, 'Love and Poison' - an exercise in slick live performance and unneccesary bad taste. persona is certainly interesting. It's evident from the moment he comes on that he craves attention - and he'll get it by any means necessary. He's got this fixed, ridiculous expression on his face - wide-eyed and indicative of psychosis, he jumps up and down rather a lot and he swings his mic about all the time (sort of like, err... Brett out of Suede). Initially, words like 'prat' and 'wanker' did unfortunately spring to mind rather a lot, but after a while, it got strangely compelling. He chats a little in between songs and rather undiplomatically proclaims, "Last night we played in Camden and they were boring old farts - this is much better." If that's anjdhing to go by, Camden must have been awful because frankly, the crowd, although appreciative, were largely unenthusiastic. It would be a gross injustice not to mention the rest of the band because there's clearly a lot of talent on show here. Strings, brass, piano - all here and all bloody good as well. And they have loads of sax solos, which, amazingly enough, don't sound crap. The saxophone is the most misused instrument in popular music and (unless we're talking about the brass maestro Terry Edwards) can and usually does sound incredibly constipated and irritating. So are My Life Story destined for greatness? I have my reservations. It's left to be seen if a whole album of grandiose epics will spill over into pomposity. Besides, making sweeping statements after one single has been empirically proven to be bloody stupid (foolishly enough, I expected Suede to be infallible after 'The Drowners' - as you well know, what we got was that pathetic excuse for an album). As a live act, My Life Story are a reasonably enjoyable, if not essential, experience. What IS essential though is that absolutely charming single. i'' 'f:;; From 27th November until 24th December, London has an extra radio station. Festival Radio. Originally from Brighton, the station are conducting a trial transmission in the capital for a month, with a view to obtaining a full licence next spring. Presenters include comedians Mark Lamarr and Jenny Eclair, joumos Miranda Sawyer and John Ronson, John Peel and Norman Jay. Full schedules can be obtained from the Beaver Office, or can be found falling out of the middle of Time Out. Why I Love My "There are actually some interesting bits in it, unlike the piss-poor and boring London Student." C. Tallant Bradford Reaver 29th November 1993_TAte ^eCII/er_Classifieds -13 STiu CARR - SAUNDERS PARTY & AU BARREL Friday, 3rd Deceinbei* Bar Extension till 1.30am LSE UNION SHOP CHAMTY CHRISTMAS CARDS We are selJing a selection of Christinas card packs in aid of the following charities: AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL; BARNADO'S; BOSNIA AND HERCEGOVINA FUND; CENTREPOINT^ CRISIS AT CHRISTMAS; GREENPEACE; GREAT ORMOND STREET^ NATIONAL CHILDBIRTH TRUSTS NATIONAL ECZEMA SOCIETY; NSPCC; SAMARITANS; SHELTER^ WATER AID. We are also selUngiiaclisxtf Facade Christoias cardsas well as sin^e cards GENTS HAIRDRESSERS NOW OPEN AT LINCOLN'S INN FIELDS • FRIENDLY Sc PROFESSIONAL. HAIRDRESSER SPECiAlJST IN LONG Sc SHORT STYLES WET CUT Sc FINISH £6.95 SHAMPOO CUT ^ FINLSH £9.50 • NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY OPENING HOURS - . MONDAY-FRIDAY giK)am - 6iK)pm ANGELO GENTS HAIRDRESSERS 50A LINCOLN'S INN FTEI.DS (ON PORTSMOUTH ST.) WC2A 3PF TEL: 071 405 6251 A?i«5EtO uNfxH>N-« tisx nrijy | poafSMot/THyt; LSE i s *-Mm.» i / \ - - u 1 '•^\A /Y ^ i ..... "Sor^, am I late?" \ EH No J Tottenham Ho^pup 14th April, 1991- a date thai ^tirs the heart o every true Spurs fan. i4th Aprils 1991- th^ ineTnories still $end shivers down the t^pine. 14th April, 1991- a day honoured as St Hotspur's day. The occasion: the first FA Cup semi-final ever played at Wembley. The opposition: the scum from London N5. The result; 3-1. But why should X hark back to this match? Surely there must be more glorious occasions in Spur's history? l^t me answer 1>y ^minding you of the circumstances of thai game. In the blue corner was a mediocre team, going nowhere, and enlightened by ohly two stars of truly world class - Gazza & Gary Lineker. Furthermore the club was spiralling towards bankruptcy, with the vultures of Robert Maxwell and co. waiting to devour the renaains. While in the red comer was the Arse, a team heading for the Double, and persons ^ed. hy their di^Qk*and-hope\ of dreams over reality. A Time Out'preview^ of North London derby last season began with the question no mance dead?". A rather odd question with which to commence a football articW, but the author illustrated a larger point, the very real contrast between Spurs and Arsenal. ^Boring' Arsenal, efficient, businessmen-like^ sensible and ultimately successful • a team for accountants. While Spui^, flfUmboyant, sophisticated, disappointing - a tei^ for romantics, the poets, but most importantly of all, the dreamers. The basic distinction is reflected through-oiit the club. When Michel Platini (another player Harry Harris has linked us too) described football as being "the greatest contribution to world civilization this celltury*^ when Bobby Charlton referx^d to it as "God's game", they weren't talking about the sport pmcticedat Hi^buiy, Selhurst Park or Dlland oad, but what we try and play at the Lane. As the independent on Sunday recently noted, at Tottenhte **eertain beliefs are embedded in the club's DNA'*. These beliefs were articulated by our greatest player, Danny Blanchflo wer. "The ultimate fallacy about the game is that it isn*t about winning. It's not. It's aboutglory. It^s about doing things vdth style, with a bit of a flourish. It's about going Out there and beating the oiher side, not waiting for them to die of bor^om." So how does the present side measure up to the great teams of the past, the Double winners of '61, the IJEFA Cup winners of '71, the FA Cup winners of'82? Well, there are some genuinely good players - Erik the Viking, Sideways, Sha^y & Teddy, to name fotir. Yet there's still something lacking, something missing. I don't know what it is, but..,.The Mirror recently linked us to Matthew Le Tissier. Arrogant, lazy luxury player" (Alan Hansen), yet blessed with a touch of genius - in other words a typical Spurs player. Could he be the final sparkle to our diamond? Who knows? Meanwhile, the %oys at the Lane' will seasons, financial crisis, and singing about glomes past. "S-1. We beat the scum S-l...." Micky Khurana _ 16 - Sport TAie /Jcciver 29th November 1993 Harry Tlie prodigal's return has occurred. After all, if it*3S wliattilie feJds want who am I to deny have questioned me over the imst :fear or so as to exactly what was my xiewpet hate was (a^r all, what would Harry be without a pet hate ?>. Soap-dodgers were the original bees in my bobble-hat, which for average niraiber of Doors posters and hair-weaves. These days they are affectionately known as pond life. Anyway, to cut a crazy short story long I will have to admit I do have an all new axe to grind. If there is one thing that makes my blood boil it is those bloody tables which have become residents in Houghton Street, my street, Eveiyday, without fail, some selfish j^t soc. places a table and two chairs right in the middle of the very main vein of LS£ communications. Do they really expect that we are even vaguely interested in going to a 'party' in the loosest sense of a gathering on the pretence of cheap boo2e horrors of Strand Poly they can credit us with enough Intelligence to know that we are not interested. I do occasionally get on the knees of my Millets cords and pray for a tempest on the Aldwych to rub them out. The insistence on placing themiselves in the doorway of the building where the Tuns (sorry^ but I don't know the nameof it) is an absolute outrage. It never fails to knee-cap me, thus delaying my entry toiiiebar by an average of 12 seconds. Over 3 years this amounts to a sizeable amount of leisure time. No wonder graduates are finding it hard to find jobs when they are ill-prepared for relaxation time by selfish bastards who insist on drowning out conversations with guitar-based Eurorock played on substandard Tandy stereos. The ultimate insult came when not only was our freedom from sound bigots nicked* it was combined with smell bigots selling overpriced kebabs. 1 ask you, what is next ? Eu« rope playing their latest album of a lunch» time? The AU selling souvenirs from the Berrylands lost property department? I think that car-boot sales are the only sensible option. Imagine, very nice goods at very reason* able prices. This may give me a platform to drive our nice white Maestro over the homeless and begin to trade in the sort of things the kiddies are really begging for. For future reference this does not include Tequila, Norseman, The Big Issue, The Socialist Worker, Kebabs, tickets to amy party where the native lingua franca is not mine, giant poster sales, and anybody else who knows me. Even if they were given away like they were going out of fashion (I wish!) I would probably fiy in the face of public opinion and use them as a handy replacement to the P-section of the South London phonebook (a little tip 1 picked up from Steve Hitch when you can't find the Andrex). So, all you would be stall owners beware, Harry is not taking you lightly, but he will be taking yott« If there are any comments I shall be selling Bob Marley posters in the Quad all week. Must dash now, H*s the WWF Survivor Series tonight and I need my: pngside seat next to Mean Gene. England's 2222?- Dreaming DIB DBSt CaiNlatBS lOP *nfi8 most mncult Job htoodMr' Howard Wilkinson, .^e: 50. International Caps: 0. Famed for leading (hip success in 1992, he fhas as much Interna— |tional experience has ti&ra^m Taylor had when h^ fir Numero Uno in 1990. His long-ball style might not please everybody but he has coached a number of National sides but is favourite to take the job. Talk about giving a man on death row life insurance. Beaver Rating: 0 Bryan Robson. Age 36. Interna- LXhe only mai^^ Tcked out of th4ii (Cup in tke more times thai land, pro1 up top, he nevertheless runs his heart out for United, and then falls over injured. A diamond geezer, he's never met Mr Blobby Beaver Rating: 3(I.Q) Kevin Keegai Age: 42. IntkmM* tional Caps: 63 The people's /eJwice, learned his tra(M from BiU^SHS^Cftirtner En-ropean Hayer oftheSear, Kee^n hcs tumed.New-castle intoxmaof the lead-Premiership mdes of the momeiii a lot of talentjt Bat he's bought a lot cfl that sae-cess thanks to a board desperate f( When he fin he was comp] gave up aft« months Beaver rry Francis, e: 41. Interna- Caps: 12 aptained England in eiglt of those dozen caps, he I [was a steady mid-fielder wHo by injury. ExperienEfid success at managerial , level with bo^ Bristol vers sad (to a lesser tent) nished 5th last season ith a small but capable 'squad and achieved promotion with Bristol Rovers on a shoe-string budget. A popular choice all-round. Beaver Rating: 8 Ron Atkinson. Age 54. International Caps: 0 __le of She most succesafi jagers arornid. He's ] I his worth but he doesn't 'want the job. Jew^iery ¥nd may be out dated but no one doubts his ability to produce sides that play attractive, successful football. Beaver Rating: 10 Trevor Fran< Age 39. Inl tional Caps: 52 After a flims The Lion Roars. Age 22. International Caps: 2 (Faroe Islands) Hailed as one of the world's greatest goal keepers, The Lion Roars ^ currently seeking em-ploymenl for the job. Apsart those two dubious ca] he has 3l»oiut£]y no ?rience whatsoever, bi^t he does "laiu -^o find a right back, that Carlton Palmer is crap and what colour shirt to send his players out in, so he'll do better than Graham Taylor. Beaver Rating: 9 ii-^r toShefffWedni led to two We] nals last season. He his drawbacks, for a he picks Cai and he too can't^l^^ji^^f; his minds on fehat -sne the best colouite tb.deBd his players out/in. Beaver tlenn Hoddle. Lge 36. Interna-lal Caps: 53 extraordinary tal-as a player, he has ^tasohanag^Ife-.gc^ma^ ? win^n, t6 *the Steve Coppell. Age: 38. International Caps: 42. Injury forced Coppell to retire from the profes-fj^Tlipl^nme in 1983. His at Q1 seen in recent it things have not gone jell with Chelsea as they truggle to find form. Rating: 8 A top BBC pundit, He's considered too intelligent by some for the FA Beaver Rating: 6 Terry Venablj Age 50. Ini tional Caps: 2 the rintfa^i i& won cessful mana| international s| well as the dom< cent events coi his business affi affect his chancfl Beaver Rati usty Bullet Hole. Ray Wilkins. 21. International Age 37. Interna-s: 486 (£h?-Ed.) tional Caps: 84 he most irritating Yawn. Could do the "Mr jwb witjL^id of some-be^, one els«5 despite TKE? fact that he can't eveDJ pepage his own hair^ lout flinching >tsi -pjayioi A fine candidate for days. To sum him up in [job'causehe£Jsoknows one word, crabby, rgreat deal about foot- Beaver Rating: 5 ^1, pal". (one for each hair on Beaver Rating: 9 his head)