Monday, November 15th, 1999 Issue 507 First Published May 5, 1949 The Newspaper of the LSESU Executive Editor: Daniel Lewis E-mail: d.lewis@lse.ac.uk UNUSUAL SUSPECT INSIDE Mukul Devichand Adrenaline was in full flow this week as a mysterious intruder was caught snooping in the offices of this very publication. On being caught, the man turned violent. The incident, described as "serious", occurred on Saturday 7th November at about 5:20pm, towards the end of a Student Radio Conference being hosted at LSE by PuLSE Radio. Jon Frewin, head of PuLSE and LSESU Treasurer, found the suspect in the Beaver office when he came to pick up his bag. It seems the man had sneaked in and kicked through the door to the Beaver office. "I asked him what he was doing," recounts Jon, "and he tried to fob me off by saying 'it doesn't matter'." Jon then asked the man who he was. At this point "he picked up a bottle, threatened me, shouting 'I'm fucking doing nothing'..." Jon, in sharp contrast to his Lion-like appearance, turned tail and retreated upstairs for his own safety. The man, still brandishing the bottle, followed him. Student Radio delegates hanging around the entrance to the Three Tuns were shocked as the man threw the bottle at Jon - but it narrowly missed him and smashed on a wall. The suspect then jumped onto a bicycle and fled - but bystanders were soon spurred into action and chased after him. Frewin and Tim Baker, manager of UCL's radio station Rare FM, led the pursuit of the man down Houghton Street. Baker then displayed some amateur heroics. Seeing that the chase was becoming fruitless, he launched a rugby-style tackle on the cycling man. "It was dramatic," said bystanders. The man came crashing to the ground and four people pinned him down. Events turned awry, however, Security cameras caught the suspect's getaway as the man screamed that he "couldn't breathe". But when the grip on him was eased the man escaped and somehow got back to his bike. LSE Security were confused as they arrived to investigate the fracas, as the man started vocally accusing Jon of being an attacker. In the mess that followed, the man was allowed to get away into the London crowds. Tim Baker gleefully recounted his version of the tale and when asked where he learned his rugby-tackle skills he says that he "was brought up around tough mates that liked wrestling." Lucky for us. He also notes that "whenever 1 see Jon, I seem to get into a scrap. I'm sure he thinks I'm a thug." He adds, "in fact I'm not a violent man, just fighting crime like a superhero." Hmm. Those involved expressed concern that the Police were not informed of the incident. "They should have called the police," admitted Bernie Taffs, head of LSE Security, although he added that as a former Superintendent for the Metropolitan Police he thought the chances of arrest were slim. But he defended the actions of his men. "They themsleves are not policemen," he said, "and they do a good job with what they can." In this case, he explained, security only realised that a crime had been committed after they saw the damaged Beaver Office door. Indeed, with just six men to cover 25 buildings it is perhaps unsurprising that, despite significant cuts in theft in recent years, not every incident can be adequately solved. The man was caught on Closed Circut Television Cameras as he made his escape down Houghton Street. He is described as white with dark hair, aged 27 or 28, 5' 8" tall and pale faced. His appearance was pallid and he had visibly blue lips. "He certainly looked like he was supporting a drug habit," said Frewin. He was softly spoken with "an Irish-ish accent." Whether or not he was related to LSE or not remains unclear. He is still at large. Picture: Neha Unia Jon, in sharp contrast to hisi Lion-likei appearance,] turned tail andi retreated upstairs} for his own safety. The man, stiill brandishing the\ bottle, followedl him. Studentl Radio delegatesl hanging aroundl the entrance to\ the Three Tunsl were shocl ihe Napoleonic Wars led to the destruction and ruin of vast swathes of Continental Europe. Its impact in England was none the less destructive, but this time on the finances of the great aristocratic families. Their destitution allowed Sir John Soane to compile one of the greatest, eclectic collections of antiquities ever seen. Frequently descending on Christies throughout the 18th Century, Soane built his collection into the museum we can still see today. Sir John Soane was a key socialite of the Georgian period, crowning his career at the Royal Academy on becoming a Professor. He was responsible for the classical elegance of the Bank of England, and various buildings along Whitehall. His plans for the Houses of Parliament, if they had been adopted, would have dramatically altered the architectural landscape of the Thames. The Soane Collection is housed at 12 - 14 Lincoln's Inn Fields. Its discrete period frontage belies what lies in the main rooms of the museum. It contains perhaps the most interesting, and certainly one of the strangest collections anywhere in central London. The main attraction to visitors lies in Soane's extensive trove of classical pieces. It boasts a plethora of finely sculpted Romano-Grecian busts, statues and designs. What truly grabs the attention is the plastering of all spaces with appropriated classical building details. Plinths, columns, friezes and reliefs all compete for space and the visitor's attention. The result is a collection that is truly bizarre, seemingly unordered but strangely alluring. One of the most bizarre aspects of the collection is the contrast between Christianity and Paganism. The world of Ancient Rome collides with that of New Rome, as the busts of gods, nymphs and heroes vie for space with the gargoyles, icons and statues of the Christian world. The museum is set in the stables of 18th Century townhouses, transformed by Soane, who wanted to recreate the ancient catacombs of Egypt in the centre of London. The resulting atmosphere gives the collection its strange, even otherworldly quality. The air is musty, the ventilation being restricted by countless objects. The rooms are dimly lit, creating shadows which are at times even more interesting than the objects that project them. The rarefied and ancient atmosphere is completed by a musky smell, the almost universal odour of the preserved ancient world. The centre of this collection is the Dome Room, dominated by the sarcophagus of Pharaoh Seti I. This has been described as one of the most important Egyptian antiquities ever to be discovered. The Room allows the visitor to take in the whole breadth of the collection in one view. Looking up to the domed and sculpted window the true extent and variety of Soane's collection becomes apparent. Soane's collecting interests extended far beyond stone, encompassing bronze and painting. The Painting Room, although limited, boasts works of considerable interest. Any student of Political History will no doubt be familiar with the Election .Series by Hogarth, which Is revealed in its entirety at the Museum. Also by Hogarth the infamous Rake's Progress is also displayed, along with works by Turner amongst others. The collection presents an Interesting snap shot of later Georgian life, and a lesson for those seeking political office. The people may have changed, but many of the tactics have not. Finally the museum also encompasses the living rooms occupied by Soane. The period rooms have been immaculately reconstructed, and represent one of the most complete pictures of the professional life in the Georgian Period. On their own these rooms would be interesting, and are still well worth the visit, but compared with the main collection they are more akin to the restored period rooms common to many tired, provincial museums. With free admittance to the Museum, and a location not even five minutes walk from the LSE, at least one visit is a must for any student. It is open 10am - 5pm, Tuesday to Saturday inclusive, and for a real treat the first Tuesday of every month sees the museum open 6 - 9pm for a candlelit display of the eclectic glories within. Tube and Buses: You all know how to get to the Lincoln's Inn Fields!!! . FINE ARTS The Design Museum The world of design has recieved an uncommonly large amount of media attention recently, especially in the run up to the Millenium. One institution revelling in the renewed glory of design has been the Design Museum located on the vigorously upcoming South Bank near Tower Bridge. Unfortunately the Design Museum is the opposite of the Soane Collection in too many crucial areas. Whereas the Soane Collection is understated and modest, the Design Museum is overhyped and loud. The Soane Collection is crammed with pieces, the Design Museum is strangely sparse. Most importantly, the Soane Museum is free, whilst the Design Museum, even with the NUS discount, is £4.50. The Museum Is everything you would expect from a collection boasting to be the "world's first museum dedicated to the study of twentieth-century design". It is aesthetically pleasing. Incorporating white walls, starkly metallc fittings and splashes of colour. It is light and airy, with a strong functionalist, if not minimalist design. Unfortunately this style of design has become so ubiquitous that a similar experience of the aesthetically sublime could be gained from visiting your nearest branch of Muji. At least with the latter option your £4.50 would go towards some tasteful home furnishings. What one would expect from the Design Museum is something more avant garde, something more striking. What a visit will prove is that the museum has a disturbing tendancy to break its design promise. For a subject as interesting and encompassing as design undoubtably is, the Museum has a peculiar ability to bore. The Permanent Collection could be a collection of pioneering designs, displaying to the lay visitor the importance of design throughout time and our lives. Instead it seems to focus on the least interesting aspects of design across a limited number of fields. Furniture design is given more than Its fair share of space, but the lack of information or eye catching pieces soon leads to Interest fatigue. The Second Floor Collection is worsened by Carol Voderman's contribution. Every year the Museum allows someone to spend £30,000 to produce a collection exhibiting what they consider to be the benchmarks of modern design. Voderman's selection reflects somewhat the selector. It is superficially attractive, yet lacks sufficient depth to hold interest. It is dated, and far too reliant on technology and science to be of Interest to the casual observer of art or design. Anyone of a more scientific inclination, or strange Voderman obsession, should see her section for themselves. However, it would be unfair for this review to focus entirely on the downside to the Museum, and there Is certainly enough to promote interest and make a visit worthwhile. Most of this is focused on the First Floor, the floor devoted to the special collections. At the moment this is concerned with questions of design, and is entitled "Design-Process, Progress, Practice". The exhibition is a survey of how design has brought about 100 artefacts synonymous with everyday life. It considers questions such as "Is it possible to design something too well", which covers the building of the Eiffel Tower, to "Does this car look forward or backwards", reflecting on the design behind the new VW Beetle. Each of the questions is fully discussed employing writing, computer displays, video footage and audio points. This holds the attention, and leads to people actually becoming involved and drawn into the displays, in a way that most modern museums are aiming for. I would recommend a visit to the Design Museum. In the scheme of things the entrance fee is not too steep. Although I was profoundly disappointed, perhaps the Museum's raison d'etre is to bring design to all groups. Anybody serious about design would be advised to steer clear, and soak up the much more accessible displays that are free, all year round. Yes, in terms of influence, an average branch of Sainsbury's wins every time! The Design Museum South Bank nr Tower Bridge Tube Tower Hill for District and Circle Lines London Bridge for Northern and Mainline Services Buses 100, 15 a 78 to Tower Hill, 47, 42 & 188 to Jamaica Rd Openins Hours 11:30- 18:00 seven days a week NUS £4.50 Adults £5.50 1' ..something borrowed, something blue LITERARY CONCEIVE THIS ALEX KRANZ reviews Ben Elton's latest bestselling novel INCONCEIVABLE which is currently in the top ten Times Bestsellers list. Ben Elton is nothing if not versatile. Between television, plays, and this-makes-six-bestselling novels, he has accumulated a rather gleeful range of contemporary targets for his brand of focused and dangerously-lulling satire. Perhaps it's only a slight trek from the gender politics of BUST FROM THE PAST, his last book, to the onslaught of sperm jokes in INCONCEIVABLE, his new bestseller. But INCONCEIVABLE stands on its own as a specimen of the reliable Elton humour, but also as a distinct, lovely story. It is as sweetly poignant as POPCORN was sharply biting, but it has in common the same deft instinct for satire, even moral vision. In INCONCEIVABLE, Elton takes up the story of Sam and Lucy, a modern London couple who want to have a baby but in five years of trying have had no luck. Lucy has them deal with their feelings on the subject by each writing in a diary. Lucy writes 'Dear Penny,' to her childhood imaginary friend. Sam writes 'Dear Book,' to the book he is writing in. Sam, you see, is somewhat reticent on the issue of having a baby. Actually, 'somewhat reticent' is only my sympathetic term for him; Lucy's is 'emotionally retarded.' The couple's frequent failures to communicate are a steady theme in the book, and there are some clever counterpoints that result. Lucy's diary: 'Sam's in the bathroom shaving, having just delivered a little monologue on the downside of having children, and I'm trying very hard not to get upset. . . When he talks like that, as if children are some kind of lifestyle option to be taken or left, I feel a million miles away from him. Children are the reason to be alive.' Sam's: 'I just reminded Lucy that kids are, in the end, just another lifestyle INCONCEIVABLE stands on its own as a specimen of the reliable Elton humour. It is as sweetly poignant as POPCORN was sharply biting, but it has in common the same deft instinct for satire, even moral vision. option and I think I made her feel better.' Elton also prospers by mining his own territory here. Sam, like his author, is a TV comedy programmer and a source of some anxiety for him is that he doesn't actually know what his job title is at the BBC ('We all agreed at this year's Christmas drinks we really would pluck up the courage to ask the Deputy Director General what our jobs were.'). And Sam's work takes him briefly through the world of modern rock and roll, one of the most well-played satirical scenes in the book. It's frequently a problem when wry cultural novelists try to parody contemporary music, because, frankly, they don't really know how (See Tom Wolfe's A MAN IN FULL: 'Rammer Rammer Doc Doc'? What the hell was that?). But the lyrics Elton supplies his invented Brit Pop icons are funny, and his name for them-Mirage-is perfect. Sam also decides halfway through INCONCEIVABLE to write a screenplay called Inconceivable, about a married couple trying to conceive. Elton has a bit of fun with this post-modern game but he also seriously uses the screenplay plotline to affect the real story. For, though the world of television, film, and a dozen other ripe targets get some PORNOCOPIA MARK CAMPBELL gets down and dirty with the latest book to analyse the world of pornography: PORNOCOPIA by Laurence O'Toole. My initial impression in reading the author's name of this book was, "Toole by name, tool by nature?" Difficulties in taking the subject matter seriously were accentuated, when I discovered important contributions have been made by John "Buttman" Stagliano, Tony Adams and that veritable court jester. Woody Long. But it would be an insult to O'Toole to treat his work in a predictably puerile manner. He has written a thorough account of all things porn related. To begin with, he provides us with possible definitions of what society construes porn to be and its history preceding the past thirty years, which he focuses on for most of the book. Also, how porn has always been linked to censorship and debates about its controversial connection with art. O'Toole pertinently asks, "Can porn be art because It makes you horny not lofty?" He also compares the contrasting evolution of porn over the past thirty years in Britain and America. In America, hard- core porn is legal and widely available in many states. This contrasts with Britain where It is Illegal to retail or distribute hardcore. O'Toole discusses the essence of what makes a good porn movie. Blockbusters including "Deep Throat" and "The Opening of Misty Beethoven" are not just mindless bonking, but succeed in conjuring up an erotic atmosphere by providing a tangible link between the story and sex.. PORNOCOPIA does not titillate, but does reliably give us an insight into the freakier aspects of porn. It is also reassuring to know that the British manage to be worst at porn as well as all other pursuits we tend to participate in. Britain is known for the quality of its soft-core spanking porn. Spanking has become known as the English vice. PORNOCOPIA by Laurence O'Toole is out now priced £9.99 published by Serpent's Tail. i;:d!tion treatment on the side, Elton's latest satiric crosshairs would seem to be on the fertility industry. And they partly are-but not entirely. Elton, in INCONCEIVABLE, is really after the institute of marriage, or, if we can stand it, love itself. 'Of course, I do really love her,' or 'But after all I do love Sam,' are refrains that sound constantly throughout the book. The finest strength of INCONCEIVABLE, the really brilliant fusion of Elton's casual narrative and intensely sincere satire, is in the way Sam and Lucy's love is so truly tested. In a world of overpopulation, of having children out of habit, out of instinct, out of entitlement, out of fashion, out of conformity, this book examines what most people want so casually and attain so easily. And it does so from the perspective of two people who want it so much and cannot have it, but are ultimately made to see the meaning of it. This sly book unveils a pageant about the merry misadventures of infertility to reveal the brutal and wonderful meaning of what it means to commit to another person for a lifetime. INCONCEIVABLE by Ben Elton is out now on hard back published by Bantam Press, RRP £15.99. RACHEL LAM reviews her favourite detective thriller novel THE NEW YORK TRILOGY by Paul Austec Paul Auster is not your regular mystery writer. It follows then, that THE NEW YORK TRILOGY is not your regular collection of detective stories. Set in the enigmatic environment of New York, the stories are more than mere "detective" thrillers. The collection prods and provokes the reader into examining the intricacies of the creative process. At the same time, the stories increasingly extend their grip over the; reader until it Is almost Impossible to put the book down. ¦ : ' ~ ¦ The collection begins with City of Glass - the story of Quinn, a writer of slightly "trashy" detective stories. His mundane life is interrupted fay a mysterious phone call asking him to investigate a "case". The portentous consequences of his agreement to take on the assignment only fully dawn on him at the end when it is too late to turn back. • The same can be said of Ghosts; another rather esoteric detective Story. The characters in this forage; into the private eye's world are :aU:rtame^ after. colours; ; Blue, Black, White.... White hir^$ Blue to spy on Black. Black leatjs an overtly boring life. The odd naming detaches the reader, from the characters, and focuses attention on ^ ' thU uncharacteristically slow progression of the plot. Suffice it to say that the obscurity of this particular chapter In the trilogy is explained by the final story... The Locked Room. In thfs,: the conclusive story within the trilogy, Auster offers his explanation for the framework of the book, while further enticing the reader intc) his world of explorative writing. Each of the stories is singularly intriguing. However, when th6 book Is read as a whole, the reader discovers that an almost transcendental (yet meaningful) coherence ties the three together^ Auster has achieved a fascinating paradox of suspense, mystery anl exploration. THE NEW YORK TRILOGY Paul Auster, published by Fabet and Faber, 1985. RRP £6.99 sFeatures TheBeaver Issue 507 - November 15th 1999 .19 UNNATURAL SELECTION? Neelam Verjee probes the murky world of job recruitment Amidst the never-ending torrent of employment opportunities literature which bombards hopeful undergraduate and graduate students alike, eager to get their collective, metaphorical feet in the door, an essential question raises its ugly head. Are employers today looking for 'the ideal candidate', or are they a perfectly impartial, meritocratically determined people? An interesting recent development in the attitudes of prospective employers, is their drive to consciously target and recruit 'diversity groups like women, Afro-Caribbean, Asian, gay\lesbian\bisexual and disabled students', as DiversityNow, an international recruitment firm, has summarized their intentions. Their idea is to run separate conference calls for different 'diversity groups', wherein employers host student calls who consequently apply to be selected for a range of career options. The employers then pick those students that they are interested in and invite them for further discussions, allocating a suitable 'diverse' employee to each group. This subtle shift of emphasis in employment recruitment policy could mean several things. Employers are either more politically correct and thus to avoid a plethora of lawsuits, now actively encourage the participation of minority groups. But why the need to single them out and label them? Could this be a form of positive discrimination? Or perhaps employers are finally realising the vast and relatively untapped potential of students from minority groups and have a genuine interest in adding such variation to their workforce. Some firms are inviting students to discussions relating to work place issues such as racism, sexism and homophobia in the working environment. By holding round table conferences with so-called diversity students, L5E EER5 Do your job chances depend on your ethnic background? employers are hoping to arrive at realistic solutions to such social problems. However, some sectors of the service industry seem - according to media reports this week - to be more concerned with appearances than with ability. Fitting in with a corporate image can apparently be more important than talent or intelligence. Around LSE, a variety of opinions on the employment policies in the UK, held sway. One third year student, known only as Lee, had a sour 'It should be easier to get a work permit', to offer. His bitterness resulted from being an international student and having had to face the uncompromising stance of the Home Office and so was only marginally reflected in the opinions of his contemporaries. Kinyanjui Kibati, a second year law student took a more moderate tone, agreeing that although with the advent of the new millennium, there had definitely been an increase in employment prospects, opportunities for minorities were still 'worryingly few and far between'. A Zimbabwean undergraduate in the Actuarial People tend to fall back on their ethnicity to make themselves feel better about not getting that hot shot Job. Science department provided an interesting alternative perspective, with the view that 'everyone has a fair chance if they have a good class of degree, as the jobs market is very competitive. People tend to fall back on their ethnicity to make Picture: LaureTrebosc themselves feel better about not getting that hot shot job. Without being an expert on the subject, perhaps the more traditional firms have a certain candidate they look for when recruiting and this could be a problem. There are a lot of non-white people out there making it big and it is up to those who have been successful to keep up the reputation and make employers see that we are just as good as our white compatriots.' Sarah Trew, a second year law student of British nationality observed that 'being a white person living in England, this issue has never really had an impact on me personally. However I do have friends from ethnic minority groups who have felt discriminated against at interviews, on the basis of their race. To me this is unacceptable as ability and not ethnic origin should be the basis for successful employment. Unfortunately if you look at the top jobs, this is still not the case'. The question is not whether discrimination exists, but to what extent and at what levels it has pervaded this society. Also, is discrimination against minority groups the only issue - what about the worrying trend of reverse discrimination - discrimination against the predominant societal group by minority-run firms, organizations and individuals? According to DiversityNow, ethnic minorities are forced to apply to a greater number of jobs and generally take longer to secure their first post. 31% of ethnic minorities as compared with 18% of white people feel underemployed in their jobs. They also state that graduate recruiters tend to target a small proportion of universities, often the most academic, which contain lower numbers of ethnic minorities. As for women, they only represent 32% of managers and administrators, and are proportionately under-represented at the top end of the management hierarchy. The most common form of discrimination suffered by the disabled is by employers, who may assume that disabled people are unable to a job as well as a non-disabled person. Unfortunately, we can be of no doubt, that bias - discrimination in the work place is still an important factor in the employment race. But what about those without a 'good class of degree' and the benefits of a solid education. 'As much as I would like to hope that employment opportunities are the same for everyone, there is constant doubt as to whether we are accepted or rejected for our merits or our colour,' - Yuejia Peng, second year maths and economics student. If even for those who have excelled academically, there is an element of disillusionment as to the impartiality of recruitment policies, then what about those who lack such an advantage? sFeotui^ TheBeaver Issue 507 - November 15th 1999 20 OLD LABOUR'S OLD STAGER Louise Stanley on the champion of the Labour left When the history books turn their attention to the twentieth century Labour Party, the person marlKW ¦ t ¦&¦ \%-' XlV- !i2» .iir^Cwii^^ii^y'jr'jMS^' u cades of ' Jf- i-\'"* » i r »?¦»> -r^i* every Saturday from October 23rd @ LS AUTUMN SPECIALS All fares include faxes and are valid for students & those under 26 rtnff rtn fr rtn fr rtn fr rtn fr Paris Eurostar £49 New York £189 Los Angeles £195 Lima £359 Singapore £375 Dublin £67 Boston £195 Rio de Janeiro £315 Bangkok .£359 Mexico £375 Amsterdam £74 Washington £195 Nairobi £337 Delhi £359 Sydney £539 Prague £145 Las Vegas £195 Cape Town £349 Hong Kong £369 Auckland £599 s 1CC IM CO £")m BRITISH AIRWAYS accommodation (based on twin share) Madrid frt I DO Barcelona frtlby Vienna frtZU/ DON'T MISS OUT! SEATS ARE SELLING FAST FOR CHRISTMAS. CALL INTO THE BRANCH FOR DETAILS. STA Travel, London School of Econonnics, East Building, Houghton Street, London WC2. Telephone: 0171 831 2989 www.statravel.co.uk JULES RULES THE QUAD Three months in the nnaking comes the Oficial Opening of the new Union Venue... At great expense (hence the ticket price t.b.c.) we are bringing in JUDGE JULES to oversee proceedings and play a two hour set in the quad. This is quite possibly the most exciting event in LSE Students' Union history and wil be a night to remember for everyone. The only problem is that there will only be about 500 tickets available, and demand will be rampant. I have to work on a first come, first served basis, and tickets will be going on sale later this week... Look out for details because this is an event you will definitely not want to miss. The date is Wednesday 24 November, the day before the National March for Education, so put it in your diaries (or personal organisers if you're flash) and keep your eyes peeled for more info. !? ? ? I I I I goes on as usual. I I I reported last I 1 I I week we have sorted out the pricing policy, £2 for LSE, £2.50 for NUS and £3 for others. For value for money and quality entertainment I think we are hard to beat, you will pay much more, even at other universities so what else do you need to know??? I'll see you there Tuesday is Quiz Nite, the hardcore following enjoy their weekly foray into all things intellectual (or just dodgy cult TV.) If you think you can beat the far too successful Rugby boys, come on down and take your place in the annals of QuizNite history - oh and of course, there is £50 in it for the winners - nice! BEAVER SPECIAL OFFER 20% DISCOUNT ON BBC BOOKS, VIDEOS AND AUDIO TAPES As from today LSE students will get a special 20% discount from the BBC Shop at Bush House. Situated in the arcade at the south entrance of Bush House, students will be able to save money on books, videos and audio tapes by simply presenting their student ID cards when purchasing goods. Whether its an educational book for yourself, an Only Fools and Horses video for dad or an Agatha Christie audio tape for Grandma, you can guarantee you'll be better off this Christmas. This special offer begins today, 1 November, and lasts until 31 December this year. Also on sale in the shop are Teletubbies, Wallace and Gromit, Bob the Builder, magazines, radios and much, much more. It's only round the corner so why don't you pop in and see for yourself. THE CHUCKLE CLUB Up and coming at the top Comedy Venue:-20th November 4th December Donna McPhail Paul Zerdin Mike Wilmot 27th November Alistair McGowan Helen Austin NickWilty Stewart Lee Rhona Cameron League against Tedium 11th December Owen O'Neill Sean Lock Hattie Hayridge Admission NUS £6.00/Normal People £7.00 Enquiries-0171-476-1672 Bea\/eN\loni NOTES The Three Tuns Cheap and Cheeful Across I Artistic style originating in Rome in the 18th century (13) 10 Fibrous protein found in hair and nails (7) II Canadian village and world ethics think tank (7) 12 Person shunned for social reasons (5) 13 Undertaker (9) 14 Arabian outer garment (3) 16 Of or pertaining to Muslim mystical system (9) 18 Evoking a former era (9) 19 Member of the genus Anguilla (3) 20 Publicised to an extreme (9) 23 Patte (anag.) (5) 24 Plaited straws used to make hats (7) 25 Egg-shaped (7) 26 German policy introduced by Himmler (5,8) Down 2 Continental types (9) 3 Provide food (5) 4 Year (5) 5 Tending to produce sleep (9) 6 Perceptive (9) 7 Hindu male religious teacher (5) 8 Area of Namibia between Walvis Bay and Angola (8,5) 9 The right moment (3,4,2,4) 15 Class of spiders (9) 16 Indications (9) 17 Lens with long focal length (9) 21 Boredom (5) 22 Amusing (5) 23 Wind (5) ¦Union TfteBeaver Issue 507 - November ISth 1999 23 LIBRARY: NEWS FROM THE EASTERN FRONT It is two months since tlie Library opened at.25 Southampton Buildings. Additional facilities have opened since the start of term and we are continuing to make adjustments to services where needed and possible. Recent developments include: * Drop boxes for book returns are available in the Old Building as follows: 2 at front entrance to Old Theatre; 1 outside rooms A30-A32 (accessible 9.00-17.00, Monday-Friday). Last collection from the boxes is 4.00pm, Monday-Friday. Please do not return short loan books (Set Texts) in drop boxes. * Additional Study spaces and IT workstations are available in the basement of Clement House, room D010. Open Monday-Friday, 9.00-21.00 * Study spaces at Southampton Buildings. The most prominent study spaces are in the Reading Room but there are also many others in different parts of the buildings -including small rooms for quiet study. Pick up a guide from the Help Point or Information Desk at Southampton Buildings to get a full listing. * IT workstations at Southampton Buildings. These are on the second and third floors in the Red Zone, with an IT Help Desk on the second floor. Pick up a guide from the Help Point or Information Desk at Southampton Buildings to get a full listing of the rooms with |T workstations. * Course Collection service. We have installed an additional sen/ice point in the Course Collection that we hope to staff at peak times. Course Collection loans can be returned in drop boxes (please do not return short loan Set Texts in this way). Book loans can be renewed online using the self-service option on the Library Catalogue (http://blpes.lse.ac.uk), or by calling 0171-955 7225, 10.00-17.00, Monday to Friday. * Heating at Southampton Buildings. The heating system at Southampton Buildings is almost too effective in some areas with some rooms becoming very warm. A heating consultant is looking at the system and making adjustments to achieve a more comfortable temperature. * Library service for students with special needs. Because Southampton Buildings is inaccessible to many students with special needs, there is a Library service point and study area specifically for such students in rooms A30-A32 in the Old Building. This is staffed Monday-Friday, 9.00-17.00. The Library contact for special needs students is Jo Taplin (extn 7609) Some lesser-used collections (foreign government publications, older discontinued serials, newsletters) are in an off-site store. These materials are marked as being available 'on request' in Library guides and can be fetched to Southampton Buildings for your use. Researchers needing to browse these collections can arrange this at the Library Information Desk. If you have any comments regarding the library please pass them on to Becky Little at su.edwelfare@lse.ac.uk GENERAL SECRETARY'S COLUMN Graham Usher Middle East correspondant for Economist Magazine and author of "Dispatches from Palestine", will be talking on: "OSLO:PAST AND FUTURE; THE REALITY OF THE OSLO PEACE ACCORDS" 5pm Wednesday 17th November New Theatre The capital-wide, student rag, London Student, has a column 'Typhoon in a Teacup,' where their intrepid investigative journalists uncover the outrageous scandals that bother student hacks and, well,... nobody else. Surely a contender for the next award should be their very own organ, following the 'Good Giddens to LSE Sport' expose on the back cover of their last edition. It's caused quite a stir, What is good is that It highlighted the issue of Wednesday afternoons and that postgraduates in •particular are getting a raw deal - the greater the awareness around this issue the better. What isn't so good is that most of the article was almost completely inaccurate. No attempt was made to find the facts - neither I, the AU, Giddens or anyone else was approached to help with those facts. So here are the facts: FACT 1 ' Wednesday Afternoons: If he had bothered to ask, he would have discovered the Union has made this issue a priority. Yes, the situation isn't what we want, but all undergraduate teaching has or Is being moved to keep Wednesday afternoons free. That is the first part of our victory. I am now campaigning to ensure that all postgraduates enjoy that right too. When we secure that right, we will have completed the victory. There is nothing about being a postgraduate which means you aren't interested In sport or the other activities that happen on a Wednesday afternoon. FACT 2 - Union/AU relations: I really believe the Union has excellent relations with the AU. The AU is rightly is autonomous from the Union and we won't always agree on everything, but we are pulling in the same direction. The ULU vote last year may have strained relations with some, but that was over a year ago and was before I took office. Certainly l have tried to work with the AU Executive - proof of that is the new Gym -a genuine partnership between the AU and the Union, FACT 3 - Union support for sport: The Union allocates 20 per cent of its budget to sport every year and this year has paid for two thirds of the cost of the new Gym. : FACT 4 - Giddens's support for sport; I met with Giddens and tackled him on this issue. His response was 'I am not anti-sport.' A claim ¦bolstered by his status as a Tottenham Hotspur fan. Adrriittedty, Newcastle would be better, but you can't have everything! Plus, Giddens couldn't have blocked developments at Berrylands four years ago - he wasn't here. FACT 5 - The Berrylands Groundsman: The groundsman has been completely misquoted. Not only is it inappropriate to quote staff members in this way, but the article has also distressed the groundsman, somebody respected I think by all who meet him and somebody who has devoted much of his life to LSE. Sadly news of this story reached him just hours before he embarked on a break to Tasmania, ruining what should have been a holiday of a life time. FACT 6 - This article was written, I am told, by an LSE student, ; This is the same LSE student who has a history of fighting to make the lot of students better. This time its Wednesday afternoons, last time, armed with the conscience of a good citizen, he decided to reveal to ail that LSE and Kings students from time to time may forget to buy a ticket whilst travelling to Berrylands. What a crusader for students he is 'Outrage as students save themselves cash.' I'm sure a job awaits at The Daily Telegraph. But the response from London Transport (who is cited as the victims in this student scam) seems to be curiously low key, not the sort of response you'd expect from a company strapped for cash. Maybe however that's because the line to Berrylands has nothing to do with London Transport. In what is yet further evidence of diligently checking out the facts, the route is actually operated by South West Trains - that fine example of how to run a public service. After all they do need the cash - to pay for the mounting fines levied by the rail operator for failing to run the their trains on time or in some cases even at alL That is my contribution of hot-air to the typhoon. But when we put the inter-hack typhoon into the teacup, what's left is actually a serious issue. That is that all students have a right to have Wednesday afternoons free from teaching to take part in the extra activities that make University life what it is. With around a quarter of students members of the AU, sport is the most obvious activity. But sport is just one of many - other societies also run events and there are then various community schemes, like BP Tutoring. : My position is clear - all students have the right to have Wednesday afternoons free, I demand that they get it, I have secured )t for undergraduates and will now secure it for postgraduates. ^ iBeaverSports TfteBeaver Issue 507 - November 15th 1999 24 LUCK OF THE IRISH LSE COME FROM BEHIND MORE TIMES PREVAILS IN THAN THE BONJ ON A THE BATTLE OF BERRYLANDS LSE 1st QMW 1st Jester has sex in eight different places (at once) Only a short trek was required to Mile End to play the munters that make up QMW. I don't know what the BUSA rules are but, for the second time so far this term we had to suffer the indignity of having to change alfresco-providing great entertainment for the kids who were truenting and the 20,000 tower blocks that surrounded us. The brisk wind and drizzle ensured we all had nipples which could cut glass and post jog we were wet, warm and raring for some hard-core action. However the surroundings, reminiscent of Apocaplse Now, didn't put us off and, sporting our new fab numbered shirts it wasn't long before we were on top- which is of course our favoured position- and we had slipped in twice before the first half was over. To be honest I have no idea who scored which goals as in the role of sweeper I was too busy having chats with McKenna, legs and MJ at the back but Su's slippery skills definitely reaped rewards, as did Prattles more dominatrix style of play. Second half saw much of the same, the birds wouldn't take no for an answer, rather like the AU boys on a Wednesday, but we actually scored, totally unlike the unfortunate tumblings of footy thirds. With 10 minutes to go the luck of the Irish had prevailed and GOOD NIGHT OUT SOAS 2nd LSE 2nd Bioice says things Angelihe had fired one in and Su finally managed to slot her second in, though it did take a few attempts to find the opening-sound familiar thirds?!! Sitting very pretty on top, we were satisfied and exhausted from our performance but it was while we were wallowing with a fag in our post coital glory that QMW 'came' from behind and banged two in before the final whistle. Back at the Tuns activity was pretty much the same- a full blown orgy broke out between the rugby and football boys- the footy thirds having finally come out as the only entirely gay team in the LSE. Jez Philips gave Charterhouse a good seeing to and based on last night, Rob swallows rather than spits. Knowles was caught doing a line in the toilets, Woolie and Kinks enjoyed some rather lucrative lap dancing while their pimp, Andy 'brave heart' Macfarlane had a roaring trade courtesy of the netball birds 'swinging' lifestyle. All in all fairly standard stuff for a Wednesday night. Arriving at Holborn station the Vis learnt that the squad available for this fixture against a side also unbeaten in the league was only 11 due to a funeral, Big bird being made to work and 100% Dutch Fred " the only thing which will stop me playing is my head falling off " Harleman was out with a stubbed toe. The game started with complaints of fouls from " the Bon]" as the SOAS centre back, wearing trousers which in any democratically ruled country should be deemed illegal, displayed a style of defending unseen in any manual, but any appeals fell on deaf ears given that the SQAS player acting as the official for the first half was to refereeing what Arthur Scargill was to Landscape gardening. In a tight fought game first blood went to the nippy SQAS forward who received a through pass and held off Steve Morrow before slipping the ball past the onrushing crazy Jim. After a rousing half time talk from " QPR " the sixths, with Dan "Steve" Potts moving to sweeper, slipped into second gear and took control. Unfortunately with a combination of finishing so poor anyone watching would have been forgiven for thinking we had Jason Lee up front and poor refereeing decisions the boys still stayed one down. The equaliser came curtisey of a blatant handball and from the resulting freekick the Bonj curled the ball majestically into the top locker. The game then turned scrappy and the only real chance that ensued from the following 20 minutes was a rip-roaring shot from the SOAS skipper but it was never going to be good enough to beat Crazy between the sticks. It was 2 minutes from time that the LSE decided to make their obligatory defensive error, failing quite dramatically to clear a cross, and from the resulting corner showed less defending than a team managed by Barry Fry and the ball was bundled into the net by the centre back. However, the sixths weren't beaten yet as from the kick off Toby Tolle played a searching ball over the left back to Elton " John " Forrest who skinned the defender before crossing for Chopper Mathur to scramble the ball home. It was a deserved result but one thing still needs to be said, Andy Shields, Andy Shields, Andy, Andy Shields if your boss tells you to work next Saturday go tell him to drink a pint of your steaming piss. SECOND TEAI^ IN MATCH WIN SHOCKER SOAS 2nd LSE 2nd Bioice says things Yep. It's what the world's been waiting for. In a week that saw Ginger Evans and Ginger Spice get it together - it was our very own Ginger Swede, Seb, who stepped in at centre-back (replacing Mark -'I need to shag my girlfriend before she leaves me') and-helped this promising young-side to victory. At last count, only two players were old enough to legally drink in the Tuns - which helps explain why several of them don't ever turn tip on a Wednesday evening. Visably shaken by the brightness of Seb's hair and the ridiculous haircut of Brummy Callis, UCL's strikeforce were unable to get anywhere near Captain Pete's goal (just as well really given one or two of The Crock's recent performances). But we have the National Liberation Front of Long Fringes to thank for letting Callis anywhere near this game. They dropped their ransom request of a pair of scissors and some hair gel just minutes before the kick off - leaving Pete C. to cut UCL's defense in two with his Hoddle-esque passing. A rousing (or should that be arousing?) team talk from Captain Crock before the game was surely the inspiration behind this cracking performance from the youngsters on a wind-swept Saturday afternoon at Berrylands. Either that or club-captain Mandy's severe bollocking ("I'm still pisshhed from the night before so you'd better win"). Whatever the reason, the second team turned away from their recent efforts at a Teletubbie approach to playing football (I wanna be La-La. No, I do...etc..) and gave the UCL boys a whipping. Fresher-to-the-Max Raphael showed enough commitment to leave his multitude of women alone for 90 minutes (although he was spotted trying to chat up the lines woman once or twice) and chucked a sizzling freekick goalwards which the keeper couldn't hold, only for the self-proclaimed Turkish Michal Owen (more like the Turkish Barry Chuckle) to slot away. The second goal came from Bolu - a thunderous shot into the top hand corner which he was probably aiming at the referee. Nevertheless, this well-deserved win over old enemies UCL should prove to be the start (if not the end) of LSE M's season. Mad fer it or what. ¦BeaverSports TheBeaver Issue 507 - November 15th 1999 25 LSE BASKETBALL STOMPS IMPERIAL, CLINCHES #1 SEED IN TOURNAMENT B-Boys make come back Cover your beavers because the LSE basketball team and their balls will be ignored no longer. Nobody gives a shit about the LSE basketball team. In fact, the most common response I receive at the Tuns on Wednesday nights when I tell someone that I am on the basketball team is, "I didn't know we had a basketball team." Well we do and we are damn good. Our 65-34 shellacking of Imperial yesterday ran our record to a perfect 4-0 and guarantees us the number 1 seed in our January tournament. With the perfect mixture of defensive intensity and offensive fluidity, the LSE basketball team ran through an utterly unimpressive group of losers(lmperial) en route to a 31 point rout yesterday. LSE's combination of depth, talent and Chief Staab's flawless game plan(yeah right) was far too much for the hairy animals from Imperial to handle. The first half was less than inspiring as Alex Gerrard, Artur and Lenas took turns bricking 25 foot jump shots. The only player who contributed in the first half was Toshia(T) Hari, who did a wonderful job keeping the time of the game and staring at Alex Gerrard's girlfriend and Frank Misischia's mom, both in attendance at yesterday's gala. Leading only 23-10 at the break. Chief Staab called on our newly revealed secret weapon, Timmus, to start the second half and give the team a spark. Timmus, in his first action of the season, exploded for six quick points in the opening minutes of the second half to make sure that LSE would never look back. Another brilliant move made by the Chief was to leave team captain Alex Gerrard on the bench to open the second half. Without captain Gerrard's constant ball hogging and shot heaving, the ball moved much more freely against Imperial's zone defence and opened up the inside game for Avram Pekris, who had an absolutely dominant game on the offensive glass. In all, Avram contributed 16 points, 13 rebounds and two broken backboards, which resulted from the bricks he was throwing from the foul line. Complimenting Avram down low was the slower and less mobile, but much better looking Frank Misischia(mobile # 07974178934 LADIES ONLY), who added 9 points as he finally busted out of a life-long scoring slump. On the court that is. Other big second half contributions were made by Marios Yiannas and Lenas Goatee, who carved up Imperial defenders and made the opposition look stupid on a number of occasions. Lenas hooked up with Alex Gerrard for a Hassan and Alex used their big bodies to bully Imperial defenders and control the backboards couple of great feeds under the basket and Marios continued to put pressure on Imperial's guards with his quickness and ability to draw fouls. The only problem is that Marios's foul shooting rivals Avram's. However, Marios did not break any backboards. Artur Orkisz, Hassan Harajli and Alex Heath all contributed quality minutes in dismantling the disgraceful Imperial basketball team. Artur began the second half with a crushing three pointer that began to demoralize Imperial's zone and force them to switch back to man defense. Meanwhile, Hassan and Alex used their big bodies to bully Imperial defenders and control the backboards. Enough about the game. The most exciting part of this contest was a brief melee that occurred on the court. One of the assholes on Imperial was getting a little frustrated with Mr. Yiannas's pressure defence and decided that throwing the ball at him was a good idea. Frank Misischia, who must have taken tough pills yesterday because he is actually a huge pussy, took offence to this act and retaliated with a girly shove. One thing led to another, and eventually the benches cleared(1 exception) and players from both teams were exchanging pleasantries with one another. Psycho captain Gerrard began screaming some crazy German shit at a kid on the other team and there was pandemonium. In case you were wondering, the one exception was Alex Heath, whose brain was still clogged with too much bong resin from a weekend in Paris to react quick enough to get up and contribute to the fight. According to point guard T Hari, master of the clock, the brawl lasted 12.3 seconds. Just another exciting day of LSE basketball. We will not be ignored any longer. The presence of the LSE basketball team will be felt from now on and if any ladies notice the group of tall guys in the corner of the Tuns, come on over and feel us. Just make sure you work on your ball handling skills before you encounter a member of the LSE basketball team. TAFF TODGER RANTS DURING DEMONIC POSSESSION! RHULIstXV LSE 1st XV Morgan the seriously oversized organ As the purple warriors sat down on the train to Royal Holloway we were more than psyched up to achieve our third successive victory - as you can imagine this feeling was a rarity. Not even Charterhouse who attempted to molest an, CAP in the 1st class cabins was going to distract us from our mission. Royal Holloway 'university' interestingly enough iised to be a mental institution which helps to explain why they ran around the field like headless chickens. Wednesday, it seems was the only day of the week that they were released from their straight jackets and white padded cells. Anyway, the Holloway 'outpatient' twats thought that it was perfectly reasonable for both sides to play in the same fucking colours!. Well, instead of claiming our: 50 vO walkover, true to.the name of the purple warriors we accepted the challenge and applied our tape and Vaseline with dubious efficiency I might add. For the first ten minutes, the mental students charged towards our line, time and time again. Before we knew it, they were 14 v 0 up. It was as if most of our players were still in Limelight from the previous weeks' victorious celebrations. The Organ was especially worried as he told the big men of our pack in desperation "They are targeting me with their fat ugly mad-men because I'm the smallest guy on the field". Cometh the man. cometh the hour as The Mong offered his 'assistance' Oust as a young female did in the Tuns later on in the day?}. A few minutes later he lined up his tackle ready to thrust the charging Holfowaiy no,8 back to buggery- he flapped at him ..(reminiscent of. Fletcher when iie saw Stumpy, darjcing with 'his' Tor^'sleaze later on In the eyenirjg)::and: barely slowed, hini down. Ttie Mong's assistance was not forthcoming for quite a time after. Soon, 'Dreamy' Boris (whose, passing total for the season is approaching double figures) slotted a penalty and then.canie a moment of magic from the Smiles Brewery team. Lord Winston of Eavis found his man for the only time, and the fat look alike of Barry John (aka Ralph) shimmed his way towards the line to allow die Collin to dive over and claim a try (blatantly not). The warriors sensed a third victory. With Macfarlahes' charging runs impeded, only by his wallet which was strapped in his underwear (tight Scottish bastard) and Connor the half breed tackling: everything in sight the LSE cause was very realistic. However, we let them score again only to allow the man of the moment, who, for once deserves a mention, to score another 'be||y flop'try. Well done Fat Bob. If only both our wingers had stopped complaining about not getting enough of the ball and if Shania Twain had not looked so attractive in his: camel/sheepskin coat ( Ahhh Sheeeep!) we might have won. : To say never mind about losing would be bollocks. Basically, we need to improve our all-ro'jnd rugby - even if it means that I have to learn how to tackle. It will be a sweet day when the purple warriors will be able to light their candles in the crypt we call The Tunis after victory, consume beer and shout in a drunken pleasurable way as Oscar 'Gimp' Kent, with his soothing voice, renditions 'Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick JB you gimp'. And, if anybody thinks this article is. sh.it,; my excuse is that I read the quality paper that is the Independent OK? aBeaverSports r/veBeaver Issue 507 - November ISth 1999 26 RUMS FALL ON THEIR BUMS AND WON'T PLAY ON Oupon a Wednesday afternoon, on a court not far from tiere, seven beautiful LSE princesses set out to defeat seven evil and ugly RUMS dragons in a contest l1 BADMINTON STARS: 'Deadly' Denis Wright Ciiung Han The Ginger Magiciari Noboru Ataka Captain Suhail Shaikh Kuo Wee AKIng'Winnoc Lui i them on their league victory; the boys took an apathetic response to their triumph. 'It don't mean shit,' Wee told one photographer, 'we've a long way to go and I won't be happy with anything less than that shiny BUSA championship cup.' The Ginger magician continued, 'we're going all the way baby, no-one's gonna stop us now'. With the crew also heading the ULU mixed league and the seconds looking good for national qualification, no mountain is too high for the bad boys to climb. Wright summed up the attitude of the camp, 'heads will roll, great men will see their downfall, and I and King Winnoc shall rule forever'. Alcohol can be a very dangerous substance.