THE STUDENTS' UNION NEWSP^ER OF THE LONDON SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS 1ST NOVEMBER, 1993 ISSUE 385_, May's DisquaUfication Upheld on Appeal • Jon Spurling; On Thursday the decision of the Returning Officer, James Brown, to disqualify Adrian May from the Students' Union elections was confirmed by the Constitution and Steering Committee. The committee turned down May's appeal unanimously after a sometimes acrimonious hour long meeting. May was originally disqualified after Brown observed him helping a voter to fill out her ballot form. At the appeal hearing May claimed that when he filled out the ballot paper of another member of the Union he was merely "acting as a friend", helping someone who did not know how to complete the ballot paper and had no intention of attempting to alter the result of the election. In rejecting May's appeal the committee went against the advice received by the Union from the NUS lawyer, advice that May claimed vindicated his position but which the committee felt was irrelevant given that all the candidates signed a declaration investing the final decision on all aspects of the election on the Returning Officer and the committee. During the meeting much reference was made to various articles of the constitution but in the end the deciding argument as recalled by Nick Kirby, a member of the committee, was that May's action constituted improper conduct of an election. His action meant that "she [May's friend] didn't get the chanee even to see the front of the ballot paper [where the voting instructions are located]." May's defence rested on his assertion that no part of the constitution specifically barred him from filling out other people's ballot papers. The committee threw out this objection insisting that ,in order for the constitution to work, it needed to be interpreted broadly as it was when, for instance, the Returning Officer allows each voter only one vote. In any event May's case was fatally weakened when he admitted to distributing election leaflets in the foyer of the Old Building, something which is specifically barred by the constitution. James Brown claimed that he was "totally vindicated" by the decision although he admitted the procedure was unedi-fying; "the whole episode is an unfortunate incident which can only discredit the Students' Union." e 'W::> "IF I SHOULD FALL FROM GRACE WITH GOD" " (u5 ( '' 1 \ j ' 1 I I u,:; i. .^: Front Cover Credits: Photo: Pam Keenan, Layout and Design: Ron Voce, Inspiration: Adrian May & James Brown 2 - News 1st November 1993 Union Jack Well, well what a bumper crop for Jack this week. But less of the levity; it is beholden to Jack to announce the departure of Ron Voce erstwhile, in the tmest sense of the word; chair of the constitution and steering committee. He will be sadly missed. It was just a pity that he couldn't quite manage a farewell malapropism ofthe standard that Jack has come to expect. He tried but longwindedness will never be an effective substitute for true comedy. Anyway, to get back to the meeting. This week we kicked off with the Returning Officers report, and yes Mr Brown still looked like a proclaimer on speed, which was a pity since the news he had to deliver was of truly earth shattering moment and would ideally delivered in a churchillian monotone. Yes Adrian "mine's a double (vote)" May had been disqualified from the election. OK, Jack was lying when he said that this was important, lets face it all anyone knows about Adrian "vote for me (twice)" May is that he's a Christian who has a big problem with drugs. All the same its probably the most important thing that James has announced in his life. After Ron's performance we heard that Tesher was ill, well if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen, as Jack's mum always said. Anywaj Tesher's unfortunate illness meant that Lola had to read the Gen See's report out for her, all well and good but if Lola's speech is anything to go by the leaderene must have abysmal handwriting. The rest of the Officers' reports were predictably boring; we were told to "talk to strangers" and be proud of S & M, Incidentally Chris, imparter of this last piece of valuable guidance, looked as if he'd been indulging in a bit too much M and not enough S, remember Chris, France is much moi*e rejuvenating than Germany . ^ Anyway, on to the motions, yes on this auspicious occasion we managed to get through more than one, the first concerned the 'Tower Hamlets nine'; either 14 to 16 year old sticker throwers' or ¦ 16 to 20 year old brick throwing rioters according to ones point of view. Leo thought that their being charged with riot was a bit harsh especially given that they were just the friends and family of a victim of racial violence. George thought so too, and he was there - extraoi'dinary large group of friends that man has. While Jack's on the subject of the LSE's very own Dick Van Dyck he has to comment on George's exhortation "grow up!"directed against the election masters James and Ron. Really George, you old reprobate, how can anyone of your age who is still interested in LSESU politics possibly tell anybody to grow up. Jack feels he must pause to note Simon, the chairs, monologue on the theme of paper throwing. He really doesn't like it, at all, and took about half an hour to tell us so. This somewhat annoyed he whose name Jack refuses on principle to mention (Martin) who demanded Simon continue the meeting. Suffice to say the put-down left few of Simon's opinions to the imagination. The second motion we managed to discuss concerned squatting, something Leo did in Hackney and Richard did....., well just did, sort of...... All this talk of the rampant abrogation of property rights really got to James Atkinson who started to demand horse whipping, Jack can only suggest that he sees Chris. Remember James PRIDE. Jack better stop here before he gets out of hand, anyway he's off to the "count". Health Centie's Not Colditz —Jessica M. Callin— As far as most freshers are concerned , the most embarrassing aspect about their obligatory trip to the Health Centre at the start of term had to be peeing on a small white sheet of paper. Queuing up outside the toilets , clutching your white strip is hardly conducive to impressing your fellow Freshers. However, several female students allegedly received what they believe to be irresponsible and unsatisfactory advice. One girl claims to have been told she was fat without having been weighed or measured, and another says that whilst inquiring about contraceptives she was handed the Pill without enough information on alternative methods or possible side effects. When asked to comment on this, Dr Fender, the director of the L.S.E Health Service, said that she "can't imagine" any of her doctors acting in such a manner, and that she personally never uses the word 'fat' due to its negative connotations. Eating disorders are rife amongst female students at the L.S.E. and the Health Centre treats every case very seriously, especially since there has been a marked increase in the number of bulimia sufferers in the past few years. Dr Fender did say that she believed it was perfectly acceptable for a doctor to comment on a person's weight during a medical consultation, as many health risks are associated with obesity and it would be irresponsible for a doctor not to raise a patient's awareness of them. As regards contraception being given out haphazardly, again Dr Fender said that this was "highly unlikely". She said that part of the Health Centre's policy is always to give sound advice to students and cited that the Centre has one room devoted solely to information on different methods of contraception, and that they engage a gynaecologist two and a half days a week as well as employing a Family Planning nurse. She said it was very difficult for her to be able to give any concrete answers as the students in question had not come forward themselves, nor had they named their doctors. She did say that due to the huge amount of work that the Health Centre has to deal with throughout Freshers Fortnight, registering close to 1000 new students, it is possible that the doctors had been careless with their advice. Again however, comment is made difficult by the anonymity of the people involved. Dr Fender was adamant that she did not need to apologise for any alleged actions as she believes that a very good Not as forbidding as it looks. The LSE Health Centre in St Phillips building. Photo: J Arong service is provided to L.S.E students, including proper channels for filing complaints. Using the opportunity to voice some of her personal concerns, Dr F ender said she was worried about the increase in smoking amongst students, the way alcohol is presented to freshers in a .favourable light, and in particular the Tequila parties. Apparently some brands of tequila contain a substance similar to mescaline that produces an LSD/hallucinogenic effect which makes the drink particularly dangerous. During last year's event two girls had to be hospitalised after collapsing, and two years ago an Oxford student died after a Tequila party. As well as disagreeing with the glamorous way in which these events are promoted, Dr Fender wished to highlight the fact that rape frequently occurs at these parties. Anyone who followed the King's College Date Rape case will be aware of the issues surrounding a common student combination of alcohol and sex. Dr Fender personally believes that 'date rape' is a dangerous concept and that such issues should be seen in terms of "rape or regretted sex". Whilst we were on the topic of rape, mention was made of a future talk to be given by a police surgeon on the subject. Labour Club at NUS Makes Changes Paul Birrell Government reforms are mobilising the NUS in an attempt to avoid "total annihilation". At a Labour Club meeting last Wednesday, Lorna Fitzsimons and Dermot Kehoe, the chair and vice-president for education of the NUS National Executive, outlined their proposals for a new-look NUS. Accusing the Government of being "Monty-Python-esque", and "pandering" to Conservative Students, Lorna Fitzsimons stated that the reforms were an "attack on automatic rights for students to the services of the NUS." Yet official response to the reforms has been small - only 1% of associated bodies have replied to the national executive with their proposals, bringing a call from the speakers of greater involvement and democracy within the NUS. The speakers said that the Labour Club must take the initiative to preserve "all that is golden in the NUS" -" if we don't do it, no-one else will... the NUS would have been dead long ago if Labour Students had not intervened." Their proposals had just been readied after complaints last week that no NUS response to the government white paper had been forwarded. "We are playing 11th hour politics to allow extra student consultation," said Ms Fitzsimons. NUS proposals include splitting the Union into three parts - services, charity and politics. It is likely that services will be funded by Public money, whilst other sources ofincome support charity. Finance is one of the major worries for the NUS under the proposals. Presently the NUS has a budget of £3m; staff and fixed costs, accounting for about 50% of spending, will have to be cut, whilst the conference - which costs £60 a minute - must economise. And the bottom-rate affiliation fee may have to be raised to bring in more money. Ms Fitzsimons stated that more money would be needed to support the NUS "our job is to maximise the amount of money" and that without this money, students could suffer. The political wing - the "stumbling block" of the NUS - will also be funded by non-public money, and will promote "internationalism" and enable the NUS to "politically educate a wide range of students". The three wings should be"under the control of Labour Students", said Dermot Kehoe as 'since the 1970s it [ the NUS J has been under the leadership and influence of Labour Students", echoing Ms Fitzsimons claim that the NUS was "dependent on Labour Students for running them", and her call for the Labour Club to "continue to legitimate our [ the Labour Club's J control of the NUS. Mr Kehoe stated that things did not look so bad as they had done a year ago, and that he believed the NUS would remain for many years and called for more support to ensure that the NUS is a 'pi'ogressive' body, and continues its compulsory membership scheme. Whatever the reforms, the NUS believes that it will continue to survive, remaining the biggest student union in the world. 1st November 1993 TItC l^€€lVer__News - 3 iifay Disqualification Mars LSESU Election Returning Officer James Brown. Photo by Pam Keenan Sabbatical Finance Officer Responds to Beaver Articie Dear Beaver, "LACK OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN BEAVER STAFF" I, like Ron Voce, feel passionately abopt my work. However, since the publication of last week's protest Beaver, I find I have to correct information provided by Ron (The Beaver Bites Back Again, Pg 6) and Santa Khajuna (No Headline, No Space, No Money and No Beaver, Pg 3). Although this has been attributed to a lack of communication between the Beaver Staff, I would like nevertheless to clear up any misunderstandings that may have arisen with respect to the Students' Union Budget allocation. The School, not I (as this was not made clear in Sarita's article) have withdrawn an earmarked sum of £15,600 this year from the Hardship Fund. This reduces the Hardship Fund by approx. 50%. The reason given by the Director was that".. .no case existed (...) for the making of a further such additional subvention in 1993/4." The Student Support Fund (which includes the Hardship fund, Childcare fund etc.) will remain at least at last year's figures - the £15,600 will be found from elsewhere if not from the school. We are currently demanding the return of the funds cut. However, with this cut, there is no doubt that this year the Union as a whole is financially up shit creek. Over the Summer, the budget for the Beaver was worked out with Kevin Green (then Editor). The accounts he produced budgetted for weekly 16 page issues with a couple of bumper issues. I suggest to Ron, the new editor, that he should've looked at the accounts produced by the Beaver instead of accusing the S.U. of"...telling the Beaver to print only 16 pages..breaking the LSESU constitution." Now that he has, there seem to be no problems. The contribution from the S.U. for this year as compared to last year is: 1992/93 1993/94 Income: £ £ SU Grant: 8,500 7,500 Advertising generated by Finance & Services Officer (!!): 2,100 3,300 TOTAL 10,600 10,800 With the Beaver's own advertising income, it should be more than able to cover the "minimum cost of £8,460" quoted by Ron in last week's issue. So there you have it; I don't mind being blamed for something I'm responsible for, but Idomind being blamed due to the Beaver getting their facts wrong. Having cleared this up, I do want to say that, in my opinion, the Beaver has improved over the Summer and I hope that they continue to do so with Ron as the new editor. Cheers, Lola - Finance & Services Officer. P.S. The surname is Elerian not Elerion. Ron Voce A# 4.05 pm last Friday, James Brown, the Returning Officer, brought the final results of the Michaelmas Term elections into the Beaver Office. Usually the count is over very quickly, but the cuts in student representation on school committees mea^it that the returning officer had to eliminate more candidates and so the process dragged on. The whole count was overshadowed by Adrian May's disqualification, especially when it became obvious that had he not been disqualified, he would have been elected very easily to the prestigious Court of Governors and the Committee on Accomodation. Despite this, all the other Student Issues First (SIF) candidates were elected. Some seasoned LSESU hacks have labelled the SIF candidates no more than Umbrellas ( a defunct LSE non-political group from 1992-3) in disguise. During the count, Jason Stacey, an SIF candidate, stated their literature was the same as last year's Umbrellas. Yetthis should not detract from the fact that their message has hit a vein amongst the almost 850 students who voted. The post of Honorary President was not as close as last year's election when the Returning Officer Chris Short had to use his casting vote to make Arthur Scargill, President of the NUM, Honorary President. This year Quaddus Ali, the victim of a racist attack, won over Virginia Bottomley MP by 360 votes to 256.-Zig and Zag, glove puppets extraordinaire from Channel 4's "The Big Breakfast", came a creditable third. Surprisingly, last place was taken by Bosnian President, Alia Izetbegovich. The count for Honorary Vice-President was much simpler. Brown looked at the ballots cast for Dennis Skinner MP and those of Michael Mansfield QC and declared Mansfield the winner by a "landslide", without counting the ballots. Similarly, for the Executive post of Post-graduate and Mature Students' Officer, Garan Goodman, Independent Left, was elected over the Conservative Students' candidate, Chris Parry, who conceded without a count. The Court of Governors election was always going to be overshadowed by the May controversy, but even so Martin Lewis, Independent, and Erik Mielke, Conservative Students, were elected on the first round by exceeding the quota. With May disqualified, his 77 votes were redistributed according to the rules laid down by the Electoral Reform Society. This allowed Micky Khurana, LSE Labour Group, Ralph Wilde, Independ- ent, and Kate Hampton, Independent Green, to join Tesher Fitzpatrick on the Court. Brown agreed afterwards that the election had been a success and that the controversy surrounding it would soon blow over. He felt his decision to disqualify May had been vindicated by the unanimous decision of the Constitution and Steering Committee to uphold his judgment. He was also pleased by the turnout being above av- erage for the Michaelmas elections and hoped that the Spring elections would continue the trend. Brown strenuously denied allegations that' he had been "out to get" someone disqualified so that the Spring election candidates would be more wary of breaking the rules. Saying that he would have taken the same action regardless of who the candidate was, he did add that May's actions made his first election "more interesting". Election Results Honorary President Careers Advisory Quaddas Ali Service Committee Steve John Honorary VP Mike Mansfield QC External Communica- tion Committee Postgraduate and Tom Greatrex Mature Students' Officer Steve John Garan Goodman Committee on Court of Governors Accomodation Martin Lewis Kate Hampton Erik Mielke Simon Ede Micky Khurana Ralph Wilde Safety Committee Kate Hampton Eugene Stalker Site Development Inter-Halls Committee Committee Jason Stacey Lovedip Dhaliwal Harriet Smith ULU General Union LSE Health Service Council Committee ' Phillip Tod Sarah Opie Tim Lewis Hugh O'Leary Alexander Ellis Helen Jarvis Sonny Uppal Nicholas Sutton Claire Jennings Ralph Wilde Library Committee Sarah Owen Mark Boden Allegations Fly Over, Tequila Event Ben Oliver ___ Allegations of profiteering and mismanagement have been made against the organizers of the last Tequila event, held at the Cafe de Paris on the 20th October. Complaints have been made to the Unioil about the length of queues for entry to the event, which some claim forced them to leave after a four hour wait. Finance and Services sabbatical Lola Elerian has confirmed that friends were forced to turn away. Union staff also stated that the London School of Tequila, which organized the event, is not a registered society and therefore not compelled to sub- mit accounts. The profit made by the organizers will remain unclear, but Leandro Moura heard that the final figure will be "the thick end" of £2,000. Complaints have also been made by the School about the selling of tickets in Houghton St., for which the organisers did not have a licence. Entertainments sabbatical Justin Deaville now plans to introduce new regulations for societies wishing to sell tickets in order to "protect" students and avoid further allegations of illegal trading. These include stalls in the entrance to the Clare Market building, and the numbering of tickets for outside events. A spokesman for the organizers denied allegations of long waits. "We sold about 680 tickets. The club management limited entrance on the night, to 650. in order to comply with fire and safety regulations, though their capacity is 700. That meant that about 30 people had to wait until others left, but the queue soon cleared." "This talk of'hundreds' waiting is untrue; the people making the allegations weren't there. No one has come to us asking for their money back. If they did we would gladly refund them." "It was just a good party," he continued. "£5 is very cheap for a club like the Cafe de Paris. We had good London DJs and cheap drinks. Add that up, consider the ticket price and you'll see we couldn't have made that much profit." Several students have voiced concern that nonunion organisations are trading at the school and making money from students unaware of thier status. The old Tequila Society has a chequered history. The last event left the Union with bills of nearly £400, and there was p rape at one party several years ago. The Finance and Services committee has decided not to allow the Society to reregister because it is solely dedicated to hedonism. 4 - News 1st November 1993 Scargill Attacks Conservatives National Union of Miners President Arthur Scargill. Photo by Pam Keenan. Philip Tod In a fiery and occasionally controversial speech at the LSE, NUM president Arthur Scargill lambasted Conservative economic and energy policies, defended trade unions and called for a return to the traditional socialism of Keir Hardie and Aneurin Bevan. Speaking to a packed New Theatre last Tuesday,last year's Honorary President of the LSE Student's Union put forward his view of Britain after 14 years of Conservative government. He spared no-one in his analysis of Britain's problems, criticizing Labour and the TUC as well as the Conservatives. "If someone from outer space looked down on us" began Scargill, "they would think we lived in an insane society". He Labour- Which Way Now? Childy- On Monday two members of the Parliamentary Labour Party came to the School to discuss the future shape of the left in politics. Both agreed that after four consecutive defeats it was necessary for a firm statement of policy to be delivered, as Labour appeared to be drifting without setting clear objectives of what precisely it stands for. Giles Radice, MP for Durham North and a Fabian, argued in favour of modernization of the party. The traditionalist view was advocated by Roger Berry, a Bristol MP. Mr. Radice suggested that the Labour Party was essentially a turn-of-the century organisation, catering for the needs of a class which now longer exists as such. He proposed, in particular, the abolition of Clause IV of the constitution, the commitment to public ownership, not only because it was an outdated vote-losing concept, but also because of the symbolism attached to rejecting an ideal which anchors the party in the past. The south, an electoral wilderness for the party, is the crucial battle ground for seats, he believes. Labour must become acceptable to southern voters if it is ever to have a real chance of power. This means de- stroying'the erroneously ba^ed 'tax and spend' policy and major income redistribution programmes, highlighting the tax bands of the shadow budget as one of the reasons contributing to the defeat of 1992. This involves redefining their principles similar to Gordon Brown's "We are not against wealth" speech. This mus.t be vehemently reiterated if the party is to overcome the prejudice of southern voters. Moreover, despite the financial rectitude of their manifesto the conservatives were still able to label Labour as recklessly extravagant and irresponsible in fiscal matters. It is essential that Labour continues to be seen as financially sound if this reputation is to be changed. Mr Berry, a newcomer to Parliament, is a Tri-bunite - usually connected to the mainstream of thought in the party. He attacked the case for moving to the central ground in politics as this not only abandons the ethos of the party, but also deprives the electorate of any substantial choice, pointing to the similarity between Labour and the Liberals and even the conservatives in certain areas. He argued that the election was not lost because voters were suspicious of Clause IV, which was not even an issue, but because of their failure to offer an alternative to the conservatives. For example, the party supported ERM membership, and therefore economic policy in general, despite the fact that there was a crisis and a well reasoned different strategy may have won votes. Furthermore, he argued, Labour is the party of better public services and this necessarily entails higher expenditure. By adopting a 'responsible' financial situation Labour waa abandoning its popular public service stance and consequently offering little alternative to the Tories, possibly increasing voter apathy at a time when interest is required. Both agreed that there was a need to expand grassroot membership at constituency level particularly amongst the young, and admitted there was a prevalent attitude of indifference towards the perception of political paralysis. A "vision" was needed to restore Labour's electoral fortunes, as to what this vision would be there was disagreement, although full employment was a possibility. They both expected a common way forward to be found, was disagreement, although full employment was a possibility. They both expected a common way forward to be found. cited a figure of four and a half million unemployed as evidence of Tory policies "designed to create mass unemployment" and "a climate of fear" amongst Britain'f^work-force. Scargill, describing himself as a "passionate advocate" of proportional representation, claimed that the Conservatives had no authority to attack Britain's standard of living, as they hdd "not once enjoyed a majority vote" in the the eighties The President of the National Union of Mine-workers attacked Conservative Trade Union legislation, claiming it stopped Unions from operating effectively. He also derided the government's policy towards coal,jokingthatifthe£1.3 billion subsidy given to the nuclear industry was given to coal it could be handed out for free. Nuclear energy was unnecessary, expensive and unsafe according to Scargill, and the consequence of the government's policy was increased unemployment at greater cost to the taxpayer. Tory "vindictiveness" against the NUM he put down to the blow that the 1974 miner's strike had dealt the Heath administration. However, he caused some unease amongst members of the audience by comparing Tory attacks on pits to the persecution of the Jews by the Nazis. He later apologized for any unintended offence he might have caused, explaining that he had been referring to Conservative attempts to remove all evidence of the existence of closed pits, in the same way as the Nazis had sought to hide evidence of the Holocaust. Turning to the government's attacks on Student's Unions, Scargill claimed that "once you give expression to views that are not those of John Major or Virginia Bottomley" they will not be tolerated. Referring to the demonstration against Bottomley's speech at LSE, he joked that students had been "extremely moderate and liberal in their approach". He alleged that the Secretary of State for Health was destroying the NHS at a time when the USA was looking to universal health provision. During the ensuing dis-cussion, Scargill also blamed the Labour party and the TUC for Britain's problems, saying they had "done nothing" to stop the Tories. Recalling that the Winter of Discontent had occurred under a Labour government, he maintained that the process of denigrating Trade Unions had begun well before 1979. Labour were now "virtually indistinguishable" from the Liberal Democrats, and the only difference with the Conservatives was that Labour was claiming "to run capitalism better than them". He expressed his determination to turn Labour back towards Socialism, and concluded his speech by linking the defence of Trade Unions and Student's Unions, saying he was "proud to be the Honorary Presi dent of the LSE Student's Union" . The speech was warmly applauded, but Vice-Chairman of the LSE Conservatives Hugh O'leary described his reference to the Holocaust as "offensive". He claimed that Scargill's accusation of a deliberate Tory policy of causing mass unemployment was "ridiculous". Mickey Khurana, Treasurer of the LSE Labour club, expressed no surprise at the NUM President's criticisms of Labour and concluded: " If Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and the rest of the beautiful people had an ounce of the passion that he has, we would be in number Ten now". 11*1^ Debate continues over the final use of Clement House, the LSE's £4 million purchase. The SU has presented plans to'create a new common room and insurance facilities. Photo by Steve East ' 1st November 1993 ^he l^eaver Advertisement - 5 HOW TO GET WHAT IS RIvHTLT YOURS! AN EXTRA fV If*? w % y A Did you know*** If you are m full or part lime educatlorii^ teaching or studying at college or university you could qualify for the Apple iducation Discount Scheme* This allows you special discounts on Macintosh computer equipment and kit* What are you waiting for*..? coll 071 403 6000 Dial now ask for either Brenda or Adrian. r WattvCard. J Pay by cash, cheque or credit card. Credif terms available/ subfect to status. 4|||f Authorised Apple Reseller Authorised Sducation Reseller Apple and the Apple (ogo are registered trademarks of Apple Computer inc. Ail trodemarks recogn Mac in the Box is a trading name of Waterloo Group pic. * Apple products by outhorised outlets only. E & O E. Written details available upon request \ 70 Newington Causeway, London, SE1 6DF v Tel 07T 407 2882 Or call in, no appointments necessory. Open between 9am and 6.30pn^ Weekdays 6 - Opinions TIte Reaver gan too throw bricks at the police. However, contrary to media re- - ports they were not brought by protesters. They came from a cemetery wall which collapsed under the weight of people trying to escape the police violence. For two hours the police continued their attack. Finally stewards pushed the police back to let the march continue. Yet even then the violence did not stop. I myself saw the police attack the end of the march, beating stewards with their truncheons. They even tried to sabotage people's routes home, sending coaches away empty. The LSE coaches were two miles from the end of the demo, and most students decided to go back as a group by rail. One group of students from the college went by rail to Woolwich, where a gi'oup of Nazis boarded the train and attacked people in the last carriage. '^Pnl i noamfipH WLthbabcns^ fieldsandgas \jnleasheddogs and rode horses ¦ ¦ _ t ^ I Jht- darcnstisaLoiL's'' It took forty minutes before the Nazis were arrested. Luckily none of the students were hurt, but it is proof yet again that the police are more anxious to protect the BNP then anti-racists. The head of the Metropolitan police, Paul Condon, says that the police should take racial attacks more seriously. But the demonstration shows that the police are more interested in attacking those who oppose the Nazis. The blame for Saturday's violence lies with the police. MEDIA Naturally the media has been full of lies about what actually happened that Saturday, portraying demonstrators as a wild savage mob "indistinguishable from the far right" (Sunday Times). So according to the press, we are as bad as the BNP. • What the media ignores, though, is that it is the Nazis and not us who have killed four young black men in the area. WHAT NEXT? The way forward is to keep up the pressure on the Nazis. We have to expose them for what they are and confront them wherever they appear. We must not allow the BNP to pose as respectable politicians, as Le Pen has managed in France. Nor must we ignore them and claim that they are not the problem. The tragic deaths of Rolan Adams, Ruhullah Aramesh, Rohit Duggal and Stephen Lawrence, are proof that we must continue the campaign against the BNP. Everyone who hates the Nazis has a role to play -explaining who the BNP are, and that we cannot let up the fight against them. Every demo, every protest and signature on a petition is a blow against them. 8 - What's On__l^eaVCr Ist November 1993 WHAT'S ON * WHAT'S ON o Looking Through A Glass Onion is a celebration of the life and work of John Lennon. The production, which comes to London's Criterion Theatre direct from its sensational success in Australia, features many classic songs by The Beatles and John Lennon including LUCY UN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, WOMAN, JEALOUS GUY and IMAGINE. IHWHIMIIIMSIC Until 13 November best available seats are available for £5.00 only for all Tuesday to Tiiursday performances at S.OOpm and the Saturday matinee at S.DQpm. Simply present this fiyer at tiie Box Office wlien you book. anHUN THEflRE PICCADILLY CIRCUS LONDON W1 071 839 4488 Monday 1st WHITE RABBITS! First things first, we start the week with a cock-up... Both the Labour Club and the Shapiro society are holding events at great arranging LSE. The first Shapiro Club Forum is supposed to be "Northern Ireland, present and fiiture." Introduced by Dr. Brendan O'Leary, it is open to all students and promises to be the first of many stimulating discussions. Also the Labour Club are holding their A.G.M. (I haven't a clue what's going on, but by the time you read this it's bound to be over so I don't suppose it matters. Sort your rooms out.) "Talk To Strangers." The Lesbian, Gay and Bi-sexual society will be dis- cussing different coming out experiences, 6pm in H216. The regular football night is on again in the Underground, tonight's featured game is West Ham United v. Man. City; so it's bound to be a real cracker (honest it is). Whatever, even if the game is crap, there is still the usual drinks promotion, which also comes in handy for all those City fans who want to drown their sorrows after the game. LSE Demos: Theresa Gorman MP will be speaking on "Women in Politics", A85 at 5pm. All students are welcome. The Rag society are meeting at 5pm in C120. One thing that may be of interest to any arty people out there (no need to be shy), if you have ever fancied designing a logo for use during Rag Week you could get the chance to win a great prize (and see your masterpiece in full glory). Wednesday 3rd The LSE's Rock-Climbing society are meeting at 2pm in L09. Although primarily to discuss the arrangements for their trip to Harrison Rocks, if .you are interested I'm sure they would be glad to see you. The Debating society are meeting at 1pm in C120. "This House Believes That The Third World Should Be Left To Their Own Devices". "Why Not Women Priests?" Father Derek Jennings will be speaking on behalf of the Catholic society at 1pm in K51. Tonight's'films, presented by the Rag Society, are "Scent of a Woman" and "Under Siege". Normal "prices apply at 7pm in the New Theatre. Time Out is publislied evepy Wednesday priced £1.40. Tlie Compiete Guide to tlie next 8 Days in London. News, Reviews, Features, plus all the regulars: Around Town, Art, Books, Children, Clubs, Comedy, Dance, Film, Gay, Music: Rock, Music: Places, Music: Classical, Politics, Sport, Theatre, Classifieds. Entertainment Seven Nights A Week At ULU! '• 'i Monday at ULU Regular F.A. Carling Premiership Football, live and exclusive on Sky. Carling Black Label promotions with every game. - Tuesday at ULU Humdinger!!! A mad disco playing everything from world music to acid jazz (Free in stage 2). Also in Palms Bar, there's a quiz with free entry and loads of free giveaways. Wednesday at ULU Stomp!!! A pure dance disco, feo-^ turing DJ's from The Ministry of Sound and The Milk Bar; playing House, Garage, Funk and Rap, (And regular drink promos). 1st November 1993 TIte leaver What's On - 9 WHAT'S ON * WHAT'S ON European Soccer in the Underground! If the Premier League is not premier enough for you then how about a httle continental action. Man Utd. are up against Galatasaray in the second leg of Cup match. The first game finished 3-3 so again it should be a cracking second leg, (and I don't think Dennis Irwin will be left out this time, will he Alex?). Also catch up on all the other Euro results, Norwich, Arsenal and the Villa are also in action this week. Thupisilay 4th Carr-Saunders already know Frankie Marshall, and he is appearing again tonight. Sounds a little like karaoke to me but it is free. A good night tonight at ULU, not only is their excellent Cutting Edge disco with Simon Price from the Melody Maker free (with live band,., Rancho Diablo) but if you fancy a really good laugh, Jim Tavare and Mathew Hardy are appearing upstairs in Palms Wine Bar. The ewning kicks off at around 7pm, I and Newcastle Brown is on sub at Today marks the beginning of the 37th London Film Festival. Over a fortnight of new, old, classic and not so classic films. (See the Arts pages for full details.) Don't ask me what it is but in the Three Tuns tonight there is a bit of a "Fun, Alternative Singalong". Allegedly, those of you in Friday 5th Bonfire Night, remember the firework code folks. Again the regular Time Tunnel disco is in the Underground, it is supposed to be a special Bonfire Night "do" so don't forget those sparklers. Entry as usual is free! It's back again! Tonight marks the return of the Carr-Saunders Party. There is very cheap drink, with a bar extension till 12am and dancing till the early hours. Remember, remember the 5th of November; well no doubt there will be a few who won't after tonight. Saturday 6th If you still need a bit of Action following all the gunpowder festivities, it seems you can forget it if you want to at LSE. Well, do you really want to come back here again? ULU has it's regular Club Noyz night, only £2 entry and with Mad Dog 20/20 (mmmm,) at £1 a bottle it is a cheap way of a good dance and getting pissed on a Saturday night.(Well, it beats £15 and six pints of water.) Sunday Did you know that these pages are open to all societies and individuals who wish to promote any events that in any way relate to the LSE? Drop Nick Fletcher a line at the BeaverOffice, Room E197, or shove it in one of the Beaver collection boxes. I doubt whether I will use it but you can put it in anyway 'cos it's free and saves a lot more paper and useless posters in totally stupid places. Thursday at ULU The Cutting Edge!!! Alternative music (winatever tinat means), witli Simon Price from tine IVlelody Maker and live music. Alternative comedy in Palms Wine Bar (check flyers for names and prices). Friday at ULU Lost in Music!!! Dance music from decades past, anything from the Kinks, via Sister Sledge, through Duran Duran and ending up wherever. Free entry. Saturday at ULU Club Noyz!!! One of the best dance nights in London and still only £2 in. "Best Ever DJ's, Lights, Sound, Video"- allegedly. Sunday at ULU Debauched!!! Sundays are always debauched at ULU, sleaze and drink to finish the week, This week Julie Emery, tinie Out Student Guide Editor, Pays a Visit to London's Cinemas The flicks, the pictures, the movies: whatever you- call it, a night out at a cinema still beats a night in with a video. But once again, we're back to the sarhe old problem; the cost. With seats in some West End cinemas costing up to £8, paying £1.50 for a video of last year's smash hit seems to make monetary sense. But armed with an NUS card and a little inside knowledge, a cinematic world of thrills and spills can be yours for less than the price of a couple of pints of snakebite. The first point of call has to be the Prince Charles in Leicester Place, WC2, where most films are a bargain £1.99: the cheapest in London. The programme changes every day: this week it ranges from "Reservoir Dogs" and "Eraserhead" to "Strictly Ballroom". Over on the South Bank, the National Film Theatre offers student concessions at £2.75 (plus 40p daily membership). With its adventurous programming, festivals and retrospectives, the NFT is a must for anyone interested in film. In one week you could see anything from experiments in early Czech cinema to Roddy Doyle's "The Snapper". Most West End and first run cinemas offer special deals on the first performance each day, some with added concessions for students. Camden Plaza's first show costs £2.30; at MGM Tottenham Court Road and MGM Shaftesbury Avenue it's £3.50. Portobello's Electric Cinema has student seats at £3, as does the Barbican. Local cinemas are also a good bet if you want to see the latest "Demi Moore takes her clothes off blockbuster, but don't have to see it the minute it comes out. Some locals are horrible, but cheap; others are institutions in their own right that people travel across town for. One of these is the beautiful art deco Camden Parkway, currently shut, but there's a determined campaign to get it reopened. The Rio in Kingsland High Street is a great cinema (especially if you live in Hackney, which I don't, but someone has to), and it offers student tickets at £2.50 or £3. If you're going to splurge, and want to have a bit more legroom and better sound than you do at the local fleapit, among the best cinemas in town are the Empire in Leicester Square, the Curzon Mayfair and UCI Whiteleys. Invest in a bumper box of popcorn, stretch your legs out, and revel in the beauty of Keanu/River/Demi/Sharon/Kenneth (OK, that was a joke) on the big screen. This week's main new releases are Jane Campion's award winning "The Piano", Michael Winner's "Dirty Weekend" (no giggling at the back please) and "Hocus Pocus", starring Bette Midler. The cheapest place to see "Dirty Weekend", if you really must, is at the MGM Fulham Road, where it'll set you back £3.50 to see what a terrible film Winner's made from a terrible book. Catch "Hocus Pocus" at MGM Trocadero for £4, if you go before 6pm and "The Piano" at almost everywhere, including the Barbican and the Gate. Happy viewing. 10-Campus 1st November 1993 ru!v 0 hcfi&J ,il lh( tn«] to-cliSltdCkv bar Jd Kinff?. 'T'fei^s * quizmaster? f Ifi v/as a. bit of a dickhead. I wouldn't t: andgi-enade. We were winnmy j' iiir -pof. so that evei7 time he chucked th«iii sif uh ho hit Neil's pint which went over my } iloixlv go()( J job they left loads of last week's l®IEs oa ihti LsiL)lf, they came in real useful. t fijeil what did you think about lofeg int every time you won apriafe, • cjioton.^ Ihingtosay..^i0iearf3 CHfTHicibard diM^ ifon -.H V Cct/.y Vow c-i I I'm lo th»ifnp ymi. «I t'nsf. I NotO-.i:t rmhiuor or mi ou were all earn. What Well, itycv'as a quiz of 3 halves and I thir^jthe geezer who did the singing, Bob Downs, was good. I likoali the old time stuff. I even brougftfejny copy of then (^inesss Book of Hit Singles, but it dW no good, I sat there like a guy with no Tallen^ Navin, where are you? s working- I forgot I was supposed to quiz. ¦ . ........¦ So P§ul Slagman, super-sub extraortMnaire. called up at the last molttd^to the squad, what did you think of it? . . ; -. out f^^B the vlir^ ijrst .an<\}^ed ii) tret one hid I ebthi'i uuv^ \\ting^^-»l^0ecfc latulation or what. ^ ' it wj^. .'«S I4h! •cai r^is OViC ove'i i> toes 1(1 c)M r the spag ^s week. n a bit illiredand lyouf minds at ¦ . 1 hope this hoover takes td I'll see you ou haven't heard- arid* I'm not y own trumpet, because I can't help the winning teain- yes, tj^LSE^ team won the quiz by one poini from ge Umversity4 The other two LSE ame third and |ifIRS CNP PyRCHASE , FfKMI 3L' 0i.m. m OFFER CDNLY OPEN TO UK RESiDENT AGED 18 YEARS AND OVER :-s MnmTAR nig NK/Ol'INE Li.^hi> 9mE SMOKINC, CAUSES lli:ART DISEASI: I ieaifji Departincnis' ( hie!^ Medical rijilccrs FAR O.Kini! NICOTIK Lectures I Societies The 1949 seminar memorial lecture by Mrs Gro Harlem Brundtland, Prime Minister of Norway on Government Rededicated: Setting Course Towards a Common Future: 5.30pm, tuesday 16 November in the Old Theatre, and an informal reception is being held in the Senior Common Room. Note this lecture and reception will now be ticket only (although there-is no charge for tickets) There will be no admittance without a ticket, which can be applied for from the Administrative Officer, Public Lectures, LSE, Houghton Street, London, WC2A 2AE. In the interests of security guests are asked not to bring bags onto the premises. No placards or banners will be allowed in to the Old Theatre, and all guests must be seated by 5.30 pm. The European society Invites you to a lecture about public attitudes toward the EC, given by Robert Worchester, chairman of Market Opinions Research Institue. It will be held on the 3 November at 5pm in A160. All welcome. The Fabian Society Speaker Meeting; Brian Gould M.P. 1pm on 8 December in the Vera Anstey Room. Speaker: Frank Field M.P. on Realignment of the Left.Takes place onThursday25th November at 1pm in E199 Sports Martial Arts T'ai Chi Ch'uan Society. Martial Arts promotes health and reduces stress. Everyone welcome. Come along to 8300 on Wednesday 2-4.30pm. Ifyouhave any enquiries please phone 081 673 0499 and ask for Flat lA. LSE Hockey Club Mens 2nd XI & Ladies XI These two sides with excellent potential are looking for keen players who can commit themselves to playing regularly throughout the term.If you are interested in playing for either of these sides, phone Richard Piere on 081 752 1739, or leave a message for myself or Des at the Athletics Union. CLASSIFIEDS Fill In the FREE advertisement form below, cut It out, and i post it In one of the Beaver Post Boxes attached to the collection bins, or hand It In to the Beaver In El 87 Name..................... Department.......... Catagory................ in Issue................... - > 1st November 1993__Sports -15 Criminal The Lion Roars gets a few inches off his chest once more in a D0^0|^/|f O vain effort to fill his Manchester United Football Club: Glory . Glory Man. United A top twenty hit in May of 1983, the Man United Squad had a lot more to sing about after they dispatched Brighton & Hove Albion 4-0 in the Cup Final Replay. Needless to say this was your typical Cup Final Bollocks sing around which included Ray Wilkins, he of the oh-so-dulcet tones and interesting way of playing football. Ian Wright: Do The Right Thing Coined off at Highbury during the Coca Cola Cup clash against Millwall, Wright got his revenge by playing complete shite for England and releasing this awful dirge in collaboration with the Pet Shop Boys' Chris Lowe. Can I kick him? Yes you can..... Taylor never picks these two is because he has a very long memory and he if he could pick Buddy Holly he would. When asked by 'Q' Magazine about their musical preferences and influences, Hoddle went for soulful disco while Waddle opted for the Clash. This record contains references to neither. Muhammad Ali: Stand By Me Floats like a brick, stings like an episode of Crossroads. A heavyweight in all divisions except vocals. Still, at least he beat Joe Bugner.... Keevin Keegan: Head Over Heels In Love Bubblegurh Perms have never sounded so good. A Number One in Germany for the Brut wearing born again Geordie, his pop career was soon dispensed to the Bargain Basement Bin shortly after this stiffed at Number 31 in 1979. If Andy Cole owned a copy he'd be just sick instead of homesick. Linford Christie: Keep On Running Olympic, Commonwealth, European and World Champion over 100 metres. Complete shite over 7", 12" and Compact Disc, and we're not talking about hislunchbox. Glenn & Chris: Diamond Lights For some reason, the press and public alike think that the reason why Hoddle and Waddle can't hold down a place in the England squad is because Graham Taylor doesn't like skill within his team. Wrong. The reason why One mixed grill, please. Liverpool FC: Anfield Rap Lesson one: When entering a Cup Final, especially one where you're odds on favourites to win, never get so cocky that you enroll the services of . one Derek B and record a rap singing you're own praises. The result will be one of the biggest upsets in FA Cup history. Rap with a capital C. Scottish Rugby Team with Ronnie Browne: Flower of Scotland It reached Number 73 in 1990 for one week only. I wonder why? Nottingham Forest F.C. and Paper Lace: We've Got The Whole World In Our Hands Why the fuck this was ever released is beyond comprehension. For a start. Forest were not in the FA Cup final and I suppose Paper Lace were desperate for a hit, but that's no excuse. Criminal. It includes the vocal talents of Archie Gemmill, Peter Shilton and John McGovern. Matchroom Mob with Chas & Dave: Snooker Loopy Chas & Dave were responsible for all those Tottenham songs that were released in the early Eighties. The Matchroom Mob was a' collective of the World's top snooker players. This got to Number 6 in the charts in 1986. Ergo it's a load of crap. Rod Stewart & the 1978 Scottish World Cup Football Squad: Ole Ola Oh, for fuck's sake. Iran and Peru. Need I say more? Scotland World Cup Squad: Say It With Pride Costa Rica. England World Cup Squad: This Time (We'll Get It Right) No they didn't. Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards: Fly Eddie Fly Cheap, unamusing cash-in attempt on dear ol' four eyes' new-found fame. His only real claim to fame was that he managed to survive the Win- Diamond lights? Bollocks more like ter Olympics. He finished last. Twice. But can you remember who won? Okay, Rob, we all know that you know, if you know what I mean... Nigel Benn: Dark Destroyer Better-than-the-rest, but still pretty feeble all the same. West Ham United Cup Squad: I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles ....Pretty bubbles in the air, they fly so high, nearly reach the sky, then like West Ham they fade and die..... Take That & Fuck Off - The Brotherhood of Spam: Joey Deacon, Sex Beacon EP Not really a sporting record because it doesn't actually exist. Well, it does but someone nicked the only copy. Besides, Jonny Bradburn used to be the A.U. President so there is a kind of link and their version of Whitney's . 'I Will Always Love You' has to be heard to be believed. Other tracks listed include 'Dannii's Got A Crush On Us'. Worth a mention: Arsenal F.C. First Team Squad, Coventry City Cup Final Squad, Crystal Palace, Chelsea F.C., Gazza, Joe Frazier, The England Rugby Squad, The Republic of Ireland World Cup Squad, and Tottenham Hotspur for releasing the most crap ever recorded by a single football team. Alternative Top 15 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 7. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. Eyes Without A Face - Nikki Lauda Bullet In The Head - Israeli Olympic Sqaud It's A Shame About Ray - Ray Kennedy Needles & Pins - Barry Sheene Bring On The Dancing Ht)rses - Carlton Palmer & Tony Adams Slippery When Wet - Manchester United Flying Experience Smoke On The Water - Donald Campbell Walls Come Tumbling Down - Liverpool vs Juventus Social Club I Wish I Could Fly - Zambian World Cup Squad If Only I Could Flag Her Down - * 1993 Grand National Starter We Didn't Start The Fire - Bradford City F.C. Fall On Me - Mary Decker Touched By The Hand Of God - > Adrian May...ahem Maradonna I Can't Stand Up {For Falling Down) - Frank Bruno I Can See Clearly Now - Gordon Banks_ No.5 Norwich City In the county of Norfolk, home to such names as Colmans mustards, The Norfolk Broads, Bernard Matthews, Reepham andone of NPA's friends, can be found the fine city of Norwich. Carrow Road is home to one of the finest footballing teams in the country, and one of the finest stadiums, the first all seater to be built. And to some extent Norwich have always been trend setters. Bayem Munich 1 - Norwich City 2 is, to some people, the most surprising result so far this season. But it isn't really if you put it in context of the achievements of The Canaries over the past few years. Admittedly this is the first year that Norwich have played in Europe, but we only have our maniac Scouse friends to thank for that, having qualified twice during the ban period. Cheers Bazza! You twat. Norwich always seem to be relegation favourites at the beginning of any year, but consistently do well: third last year, and title contenders again now. What the pundits fail repeatedly to acknowledge is that Norwich are a footballing side, which, thankfully, is still the best way to play the game. Many of the footballing greats bloom at Norwich and then move and fade out simply because they move to *big name' clubs. That's not football. Recently the likes of Micky Phelan, Kevin Drinkell, Robert Fleck, Andy Townsend, Andy Linigan, Steve Bruce, Chris Woods, Robert Rossario & Dale Gorden, to name but a few, have graduated from Norwich and to some extent fizzled out but Norwich continue to play some of the most talented and inventive football in the league. Mike Walker, the current manager, and coach for many years, has performed brilliantly in the wake of John Bond, Ken Brown and Dave Stringer. He has the ability to take Norwich the one step further which they repeatedly miss. Two FA cup semi-finals in the last four years and finally third and leading the premiere division for large parts of last season. Curiously the only cup in Norwich's also-ran history is the Milk Cup, beating Sunderland 1-0 in 1985. This year bodes well for Norwich who now seem to have the conviction as well as the ability to win. One of my favourite games has to be the Mill wall/Norwich match in 1990,1 think. Norwich take the lead twice, but Millwall respond immediately each time. In the last minute Robert Fleck scissor kicks the winner from outside of the box: a goal which was deservedly given goal of the month, but should have been of the season. Final score Millwall 2 - 3 Norwich City. A result with which I won a ten pounds bet, and obtained a great tonic for Neil when his misplaced enthusing get's too much [Fuck off, Green. We were robbed- NA] I would like to give you all a detailed history of the club, but I don't know enough. I'm a simple country lad, bom in a farm yard, who has a love and enjoyment of home grovni talent [Baa- NA], & the football isn't bad either. Curiously there is often debate concerning the pride of East Anglian sport with the footballing horse from Portman Road. So I was pleased to hear the commentators on the Bayern/Norwich match on Sky describe Norwich as the 'Pride of England', too bloody right, we should have played Holland. England could do with more teamwork and fewer one man bands. On the ball city. The Canary Chirps [Oh, ha fucking ha, Kevin Raymond Green - NA] Tlt« Keaver 1st November 1993 Houghton Harry Harry's guide to student life is somewhat overdue, but like a pregnant mother who's three weeks overdue, the goods have finally been delivered. Everyone wants to be a student but not everyone can become a student. Entry requirements can differ depending on your circumstances: you'll need either some exam passes (A-levels, GCSE's, 100 yards swimming badge, good looks, etc) or to be a member of the Royal Family. Conversely, you don't need any academic qualifications to be a Royal (See Prince Philip, Lady Di, etc). Once you've entered a seat of higher learning (Fnarr, fnarr), you'll discover the difference between school and Uni. At school, teachers watch over you. At Uni, no one but your Guardian Angel watches over you. Therefore, if you're likely to lose your mind and go completely barmy, don't expect anyone to care. They'll just think you're a moody bastard. Also, if you've only got three hours of lectures a week you'll be faced with a dilemma: do you, a) spend the rest of the week working, reading and having the occasional odd tipple, or b) do you spend the rest of the week completely pisseidt out of yoiir head and only work for the final three weeks before your exams? Hard choice, unless you're a Postgrad, hack or Peter Harris. Friends will come and go throughout your student life. The friends you made during the first week will become a cyst on your social life. Some people will just pretend to be your friends and will only talk to you because they can't find anyone else that can stand them for more than ten seconds. Beware of third years because most of them are complete c***s. One thing you will have to do is have a BIG AFFAIR. Make sure it's a really traumatic one which will haunt you throughout your adult life, like them plays on Thursday night T.V. If you're a real masochist, have more than one.... An important student object is your diary Be sure to record details of your student life every night before you go to sleep, maintain ing brutal honesty, re: Sexual Encounters. An example extract should go something like this: Friday 3rd October - Fresher's Week starts. I think I will F*** X and then cruelly discard him/her. 4th Oct. - F***ed X last night and then discarded him or her. Aren't I cruel, tee hee. 5th Oct. - X F***ed me. I am in lurve.......... 6th Oct. - X only wanted me for my body.....I will commit suicide. Of course, suicide is a great option, but once again, you're faced with a dilemma. I jnean if you decided to cash your chips in by a drugs and alcohol overdose, everyone will think it was just a student-type excess thing. If you decide to blow your brains out, your parents will blame 'that' heavy metal album you got for your fifteenth birthday...which will probably be something wank like Europe. Therefore I recommend hanging - this.is very popu-ar and has several advantages: 1) It gives you a stiffy if you're a chap, 2) Your fringe dangles down elegantly, clothing retains its "ruffled" ines. You remain hip even in death, 3) Fellow students will be traumatised, etc. I can see the letters flooding in even as we speak: "Dear Beaver, I thought HSH was in very bad taste. My friend's just committed suici...... Glory Days Revisited? Go Fourths, young man and conquer the world Matt Smith Yet again the Glorious Fourths are keeping LSE Football ah ve, and the big question on everybody's hps is; can the Glorious Fourths break even more records than last year? The storming start to the season would certainly point to a 'yes'. The Glorious League and ULU cup holders of 1993 got off to a steady start with a magical 5-0 victory over KCH away, forming a team nucleus that is the talk of the clubhouse. Five different scorers proved the potency of both midfield and forwards alike and a lucky strike from Simon Right-back would suggest he is more than the token scouser. The only threat to the LSE goal came from a daring back-pass/hoof from Chopper and his first goal for LSE was foiled by an uncharacteristic save from Dan. However, all this success and glory has already taken its toll on our initial Captain Eugene and our star center-back John, both daringly poached by Shaggy for hi s collection of 4th XI rejects. Shaggy's complaint about the lack of pace at the back of the 3rd XI is a remnant of the Whitehall/ Graveson days. If he was that concerned why did he poach Eugene 'pie-eater' Stalker? Even so, the experience of Tom, Fran, Chopper and the subtle yet effective captaincy of Cozzer, could shape the side into another awe-inspiring outfit. The 8-0 massacre of UMDS 2nd XI under the watchful eye of refereie Griffiths was a lesson in football. Ed Elkin tore the midfield apart, Rogerson got himself a hatrick, Cozzer floated balls this way and that, Fran frightened the defence, Hegarty was lazy and told crap jokes to Rogerson and the defence noted the fine weather for that time of year. Even the side-bet between Chopper, scouse and Fran couldn't distract the onslaught as the ref s book remained unblemished. On to the UAU. The Glorious Fourths reminded KC 4th XI just why we reached the semifinal of the national cup last year [losing to the eventual winners] with a 3-0 thrashing. Ed Elkin as in the previous games was surprisingly violent for one of his stature, even informing the ref of his intention to punch an opponent if he was fouled again. Rogerson increased his tally to take him to 5 to make him LSE's top scorer, and events with Carris later that evening would suggest his 'magic touch' is appreciated elsewhere. Dickie Whitehall's return from retirement was much expected and praised. Vetta's performance earned him a place a LSE's second top scorer with 4 goals, much to the chagrin of his 3rd XI and 5th XI buddies. The return from injury of Jez should boost the Glorious Fourths further, and despite his UCL association with 'Kebab legs' Kem, the team have taken to him. The barn-storming (16 goals in 3 games) return of the Glorious Fourths then, is a beacon in the dark tunnel of LSE Football and only Sean would bet against their further success. Needle, Nardle Nod LSE's all-star Netball team victorious against St. Bart's - The Sharp Shooter - It can be said that LSE is not renowned for its sporting excellence, our 'supposed' fortes lie in our rugby team's ability to drink themselves into hospital, our football team's ability to preen themselves in mirrors, and our hockey team's ability to never have a full squad, but there is now new hope'for LSE's failing sporting reputation- the LSE Netball Team. It is true to say that the LSE netball team has kept a low profile over the past two years; some would say that this was due to their 'slightly' humiliating defeat against Surrey (score not to be mentioned) in 1991. However a newly assembled fighting machine under the skillful leadership of their captain, Mrs Hell-fire herself, made an excellent start to the season when they beat St. Barts Medical School 14 - 11. This victory was slightly marred by the Rugby 1st XV's victory over Goldsmiths but we can't help that. The game itself was a mixture of style and finesse with sheer guts and determination emerging at the end quarter. Barts led the entire match until the last 15 minutes, when they were witness to the . true spirit and professionalism (not highlighted in our appearance) of LSE and our superiority surfaced. Shouts of "Heidi mark her..." and "Come on LSE we can do this..." could be vividly heard across St.Paul's, the score was 10 - 7 to Barts, it seemed the Netball team was to follow in the steps of their predecessors. However, with the sharp shooting of our goal attack, the impressive passing of our Centre, the excellence of our Wing Attacks jumping ability and the general high level of team spirit, the LSE girls clawed their way back. As the whistle blew they had done us proud and Barts were left demoralized and gutted. The LSE netball team will no doubt receive the same cynicism as always, but let us hope that we can give them a little more support when they face their next tough challenge- next Wednesday it's Strand Poly. Brownie's pi'ediction in last week's organ proved correct as LSE's 1st XV ran out 16-14 winners against Goldsmiths! Whether or not this winning streak will continue, as opposed to Brownie's usual streak, remains to be seen as he was too pissed to give any sort of informative comment. He did giggle a bit, though, before collapsing into a huddle on the floor.