B©3V©
r i
ewsfxaper of the London Schpol of EGonomics
Issue 368
INSIDE
THIS
ISSUE
Arthur Scan
A'.':
Crash And Bradburn!
By
Ralph Wilde
Ents Debate ent-Tensifies

orary dency wee the late^^

ini


students
came to terms with the news last week that the Ents. budget j of £8000 had run
dry, opinion was divided among the concerned sabbaticals as to the causes I and solutions.
Scapegoats were the or-I der of the day as all LSE 1 students looked for some-I one to blame.
Jon Spurling, Finances I and Services Officer, j maintained that it was not down to individuals but rather student apathy, the recession, the high number of postgraduates and poor facilities . This was reiterated by Jonny Bradburn, Entertainments Officer, who believes that "facilities at LSE are	an
embarrasment." He com-j plained that the Under-! ground was too small, had Ibad ventilation and was j unpopular; that the disco • equipment was "out of I date and broken;" that the [quad was unsuitable for Ibands and the bar too Ismail. Other London colleges, he said, at least Ihave a P.A. and a decent avenue. He also played the lapathy card, saying that |he had tried hard to get lents off the ground after Itwo years of stagnation, Ibutpeoplejust didn't turn lup,pointingout that when Itickets were on sale in ¦Houghton St. last week, Jonly a handfull were sold. jFazile Zahir, the General ¦Secretary, was more criti-Ical, suggesting that iBradburn had good ideas Itheoretically, but "failed Ito get offhis arse and sell ¦tickets" and this was the Iproblem rather than any-Ithing else. "He didn't put lenough work into the job, land let the societies
down."
She sees this as a flaw in the sabbatical system; "Too much of our jobs are dictated to by our personalities." Zahir conceded that Bradburn was elected because of his popular personality. "It's unfortunate that he got in on the A.U. vote", which would make the success of a no-confidence vote at the UGM unlikely.
The question now is what entertainments at LSE will be in the future. Zahir and Bradburn both advocate a full time Ents manager, Spurlingopting for shifting responsibility to the General Secretary. Zahir is pushing for a manager who would replace the sabbatical and h a ve a m ore real i sti c, h ard sell approach. She accepted that this would be, "unfeasable at the moment because of the expense", but if the school bough t th e Royalty Th ea-tre and asked the Union to organize the bar and events, the cost of a manager would be justified and LSE would have a venue similar to that of UCL's Bloomsbury Theatre. Spurling rejected the idea of a manager as too expensive and unnecessary. Instead he would like to reshuffle sabbatical responsibilities, with the Welfare and Equal Opportunities Officer taking over the academic affairs remit of the General Secretary, leaving the General Secretary to concentrate on the external face of the Union and entertainments. The Finance and Services Officer would liase with societies. Bradburn opposed this idea, saying that sabbaticals do not have enough time as it is without extra responsibilities
He also believes that the argument about the cost of a manager doesn't

Ents. It's Never Enough - What is the Cure? Boys Don't Cry Jonny
hold up - if this person managed to break even and make a profit then the Union would actually save money and a budget of£8000 was unnecessary in the first place. Bradburn wants to seethe whole system of sabbaticals overhauled, scrapping the Welfare and Equal Opportunities Officer, and transferring responsibilities to the General Secretary which, at the moment, "does very little."
He also pointed out th at Royalty Theatre can not be seen as a miracle solution since it isn't a particularly good band ven ue.
Many students are now wondering whether anything is going to happen for the remaining year. Spurling suggested that the bar may decide to fund minor events, but that this is unlikely; and that if any end of term event were to be organized, then this
....who believes that "facilities at LSE are	an
embarrasment." He complained that the Underground was too small, had bad ven-tilation and was unpopular; that the disco equipment was "out of date and broken;" that the quad was unsuitable for bands and the bar too small.
would have to break even, which would mean ahard sell with the tickets. Zahir was convinced that Bradburn, "has bucked his ideas up since the Student Union Executive meeting," and holds out hope for future events. Bradburn reassured stu-
deiits that there will be further events this year, albeit mainly with the cooperation (andfunding)of the Rag society. This begins on Thursday with a mini-rag day, with abseiling, an all day bar and big screen film shows (Bill and TedAVayne's World.) The Ents committee are also investigating the use of the big screen video machine in theNewThea-tre on a permanent basis, to host a series of cheap showings on Tuesdays; and there are events organized by societies which Bradburn is involved in.
Martin Lewis, member of the Ents and Rag committes, called for "loyalty from the students" for these forthcomingevents. Spurling intends to put his proposals to the SU exec, at the start of next term, and the school awaits the outcome of the negotiations over the Royalty Theatre.



2 News
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
Union Jack
/Casablanca. People with hope have fled the As^ onrushes of oppression; from steamy lectures in the East Building to hurried meals in the Old Building to anxious classes in St. Clements. Casablanca is the end of the line for many of these weary travellers. Out of all the bars and all the gin joints in all the world, they have to walk into mine, Rick's Cafe American.
With Sam at the piano and Sasha behind the bari we began with a solemn moment of silence for ;An)ar dip Gill, our comrade who died last week-
Hearts beatingfaster, we then hosted another meeting of the Resistance.: International hero Victor Lazlo, president of the NUM and IMO,gave us twelve minutes of the best. No jobs or institutions are safe from Vichy attacks. Coalis cheaper than nuclear, and you can eat coal. Because the market is not free but rigged, what we need is for several million people to take to the streets to make General Petain redun-; dant. The singing of LesMarsailles was led by Nurse Janet Maiden (in the role of Use), who is fighting gamely for the life of Un i versi ty Col lege Hospital. It was 1.30 when we scurried back to my place until closing- Rick can understand why Vichy consider these people dangerous.
Clearly, we will have to get these two freedom fighters the special letters of transit to get them out of thi s Theatre, But who has them? Sam didn^t know. Sisha hadn't come across them or anything else at Uifiion Council, Fazile, the lady with the guitar {whomnobody can figure why she didn't end up on the cutting room fl oor>y soothed us and compl emen ted SenorUgotti,*my sweetheart j-on his new haircut. By ratification of her song, we created an open panel to propose reform of the Resistance, the NUS. Phoebe, the girl who associates too closely with The Enemy, ibroke the news about th e passing of Bill Ward, a comrade from last year. I had to send her home in a taxi.
In burst Senor Ugotti, Would Fazile be available Wednesday? She challenged him to 'Name the time and the date; bigboyv' He squealed "Hide me RickJ^but I'm not sticking my neck out for nobody. Then some poor refugee lost all his money at the tables, but, because he is married to those nice societiesv he doesn't get written out of the script just yet.
Next in was Captain Renault, to take away our ordinary business. Tm shocked, Rick, shocked." But Windsor Castle had burned and nobody was going to get out of Casablanca without paying, unless they had the special letters of transit. We heard ho w the Queen should pay to fix her own house, of which she has several, how she should pay taxes; and how she sh ould be out a job. Vroom ing on hi s motorcy cl e came mad General Strasser. Despite taking serious abuse, this loyal subj^t ranted inaudible warnings on the dangers of the militant communists. The rise of this young crowd-pleaser reminds Rick of the rise (and fall) of IjeeMariottj gone but not lamented.
But Major Strasser has been shot? Round up all the usual suspects. Everyone wanted to take credit, and hands rose: to the ceiling. We even voted that the castle be converted into centrally heated housing for the homeless and that the Reds were right to storm the Winter Palace.
Sam felt enough was enough and curfew was approaching; Old Bob tried for one lastplay^ but he and I were left on a rainy foggy runway as the plane took ofFwithoutuSi^ustoneof those thingsyastime goes by."
Jon Spurling - Finance and Services Officer Photo Thorsten Moos
£2000 BT Blues
A few residents at Passfield Hall who thought they were phoning abroad for free were given a rude shock last week when a phone bill of £2000 was received by th e Hall administration.
The drama arose when for some reason the payph oneonthefirstfloor became di scon n ected from the wall. This allowed anybody using the phone to call anywhere without having to put any money in. News spread fast, and at one point there was a queue of about 12 people waiting to use the phone.
A notice was subsequently put up in the Dining area saying that each resident would now have £10 deducted from his/her caution money at the end of the year. This has prompted angry reactions from the residents who didn't join in the Tun'.
An n oy e d r e si de n t s h ave accused	the
adminstration of incompetence for not realising the phone was 'broken' and thus not doing anything to prevent residents from trying to call free. It was obvious to some that students' struggling to meet the exorbitant hall fees were understandably tempted to use the opportunity to call their nearest and dearest in far off
Peru.
The outgoing president of the committee, Diomides Vassiliou, was reported to have said that the cost of the bill would be met by profits made by the Hall, and not by the residents. This claim has not as yet been backed up by the Administration.
One overseas resident was allegedly seen calling America for "at least half an hour", not realising that the cost of the call was being charged to the Hall. A few residents who have admitted calling'for free' are said to have thought that th calls would not be logged by BT, and thus they "would get away with". An angry British resident said that this attitude "demonstrated considerable naivety and stupidity".
One solution being suggested to defuse the anger ofthehonest residents who didn't try to defraud BT was that the overseas residents should pay for the calls overseas and that the British residents should meet the cost of the inland calls. However, it has been pointed out that some British residents called overseas, and that this method would penalise the innocent overseas residents.
By Steve Roy
Paxman on
Politicians
Emma Bearcroft LA.Wildethorpe
Sabbatical Spending under Revision
By Peter Harrad
The Student's Union has budgeted for a deficit for the third year running. Finance and Services Officer (FSO) Jon Spurling has confirmed. The news follows reports that the number of Union sabbaticals may be reduced as a cost-cutting exercise and may cause some to question levels of expenditure by Union Officers.
The deficit projected each year by the FSO refers to expenditure in the next academic year, so that figures for actual expenditure this year will not be available until August 1993. However, the complete expenditure of the Ents budget coupled with a fourth sabbatical sal ary andthedisappoint-ingly small increase in revenues makes it likely that the deficit of £11000 projected by Spurling's predecessor will be exceeded. Spurling would not be drawn on the deficit he expected for 93-94.
The rise in SU expenditure this year has drawn attention to the quasi-autonomous way union officers spend money. It was revealed that there is no control over expenditure via the School, such as telephone bills; a bill is simply presented to the SU Finance Secretary and must be paid. Likewise, large sums have already been spent on campaigns by the General Secretary and Women's Officer.
Spurling agreed that this was a problem, but
The description of a "supercilious jumped-up journalist", as Jeremy Paxman was once called, did not appear to be reflected by the warm reception he received at the LSE last Wednesday. At the invitation of the Schapiro Society, BBC 2's Newsnight presenter spoke on "The Media, Politics and Truth", addressing a packed audience in the New Theatre.
H.E.Makin, Editor of the Baltimore Sun, once said that "journalists
pointed out that the union had a legal duty to pay bills incurred by its staff. He confirmed that the subject was under examination by the Finance Committee, "with regard to certain departments more than others". Despite this he expressed the view that with the current union hierarchy, financial control was "virtually unenforceable"; this was one of his arguments for reexaminingthe current sabbatical arrangements.
One of the features of last year's budget was an increasingreliance on the services as a means of generating revenue, coupled with the appointment of a General Manager to support the move. The projected rise in income from the services has however not appeared - Spurling disagreed that this reflected on either budget or manager, blaming the recession andaddingthat in his opinion the General Man ager post was "as useful asiteverwas"-healso predicted that the effectiveness of the post would rise over time.
He also denied that abolition of a sabbatical post would put last years' rise in the block grant, designed to fund a fourth sabbatical, in jeopardy. If the union were to reassign its resources more efficiently, he argued, this was not a justification for a reduction in support from the School.
should be to politicians as dogs are to lamposts". The essence of Paxman's anecdotal speech was to defend this contention. He began by suggesting that politicians could not give the BBC 'the elbow' as an editorial in The Sun had recently advised, since politicians fear anonymity and will take any opportunity to appear on television. Journalists thereforehave the authority, Paxman argued, to act
Page 4 col 1
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4 News
(ctd. from page 3)
as representatives of voting citizens, and a duty to remain uncontaminated by power. In comparing the two "trades" of journalists and politicians, Paxman suggested that neither are "proper jobs" nor "over-encumbent with modesty". However, while politicians may believe they have the solutions to various world problems, and must be seen to conform to party lines, journalists are granted the freedom to choose differing arguements without havingtobelieve in them, thus exercisingtheir "butterfly minds". Such flit-tingfrom one item of principle to another, with no requirement to accept the practicalities, means that the 'press' can aim at power without responsibility. Rudyard Kipling summed up this premise by describing the power of newspapers as the "predomincance of the harlot throughout the ages". While questioning the power of'harlots' and conceding that the influence of newspapers probably increased the Conservative vote by only about 1% in April's election, Paxman suggested that the power of the 'press' should not he underestimated.
Despite the fact that politicians attend television courses to learn the art of not answering questions, supressing interuptions and general filibustering, no other medium allows such direct instantaneous access to politicians, accordingto Paxman. Recognising the power oftelevision, politicians seek to control it, but remain accutely aware of its usefulness to them. The criticism oftelevision bias continues to persist but Paxman's defense was that parties in power will always be given the "harder time" because it is more interesting, and the journalists' responsibility is to be sceptical. Politicians should take their treatment by the 'press' seriously, but to be driven histerical by it is, in Paxman's view, "silly".
Drawing from Makin's analogy, Paxman argued that if a politician was "at all decenthe/she wouldn't be in public office". As Lloyd George once suggested: "Politicians are like monkeys - the higher they climb up the tree the more revolting the parts they expose!"
In Jeremy Paxman's opinion, there are two dangers facingjournalism today. The first danger stems from the complete contempt in which the press is held by many a
politician. The fact is that the relationship between politicians and journalists is a fundamentally unequal one as politician s control the flow of information off which journalism feeds. Nowhere is this clearer than in the massive output of 'government information' and press releases by various government departments whose purpose is not so much toinform as to show the government in a good light. News management can easily slip into news invention under crisis conditions, the latest example of this being the Gulf War.
The development of the press lobby system, whereby journalists are fed otherwise unavailable information by the Downing Street Press Officer on the condition that they do not reveal their sources, also accounts for the dangerous lack of diversity in press coverage. The lobby system reinforces the 'herd instinct' i.e. the tendency for journalists to simply regurgitate what they have been told, and runs contrary to the principle of open government.The second danger facing the media, according to Paxman, is due to the shortcomings of press editors and/or proprietors, who like nothing better than seeing their personal prejudices in print. Being at the head of a newspaper gives one the priceless opportunity of sounding off on everything under the sun. What is perhaps more worrying is that newspapers editors/proprietors can be made to toe the line ofthe party in power by being offered honours. Paxman produced a very revealinglist of editors and top press executives whohavebeen on the Honours Lists since 1979 : to no-one's surprise, the Mirror, Guardian, Independent and Sunday Times (the latter having been 'unduly' critical of the Royal Family...) were not represented.
In concluding Paxman suggested that journalists and politicians are like "tics and sheep: they need us, we need them; they do, we observe; they speak, we comment". This symbiosis should, according to Paxman be as far as the relation.ship goes. Since they are on "opposite sides" the two "trades" should keep their distance - "scepticism and affection are not the best bedfellows". While politicians go on to be cabinet ministers, Paxman will "be in his ilk as a jumped-up journalist!"
Photo of The Week
Bernardo Dugan for "Haircut of the Week"
Photo: Thorsten Moos
Death
I
threat |
I
to	I
BennettonJ speaker |
Adrian May . j
NUS Reform,
Gavin Blackburn
N.U.S. Reform, much quoted, but like so many policies in studentpolitics, seldom understood. A recent U.G.M. motion sub-mittedby theD.S.G. called for reform of N.U.S. This was briefly described as seperation of services and campaigning, an end to factional division, greater unity and the establishment of seperate partisan student organisations, affiliated toon an individual and voluntary basis.
Fine words, but let us put some flesh on these bones and try to envisage what the new N.U.S. would look like. Firstly, we would still have to appoint student representatives to oversee the administration of services and formulate a buying policy. To do this we would need a National President, Finance Officer and a WelfareXEqual Opportu-nitiesOfficeratleast. How are these guardians of student services to be selected? At present the President and her Executive emerge from a National Conference where arm-twisting and smoke filled rooms are the order of the day. Frankly, not even a Tory whip would use the tactics employed at conference elections. Would it not be fairer to have a national ballot to decide our national presidency? Ultimately this is a question of trust; do we trust ourselves, or do we trust a conference delegate
With N.U.S. services now entrusted to more democratic hands, let us turn our attention to the problem of political representation and campaigning.
The fact is that marches and demonstrations often do not represent students - they are hi-jacked by a Marxist semi-organised group of malcontents who could be, but never quite are, th e spark to ignite the revolution. The results are student protests dominated by a minority of students. This is not to say doing nothing is better
than demonstrating, and the miners have proved that a public demonstration at the right time can attract public support. However, is it not now the time to explore different forms of representation and protest ?
I propose a dual strategy of representation and protest. Firstly, national political groups which students could join voluntarily. I am sure that the Liberal Democrat and Labour sections could organise demonstrations just as well as N.U.S.
The second proposal is somewhat novel. This would involve the creation of a student interest group along the lines of the Committee of Vice Chancellors and Principals (CVCP) that represents Higher Education institutions. This group would be a council of all General Secretaries and College Presidents. Each member would have a block vote for all of the students in their institution which they would use on their behalf to decide on policy. This group would attempt to become a constructive player in the role of Higher Education policy.
These proposals would divorce N.U.S. of its campaigning role, creating in its place two alternative strategies. One of direct confrontation through national student political groups and one of constructive criticism and consultation through the Council of General Secretaries and Presidents. I accept that these ideas carry no guarantee of success. I agree that if John Ashworth and Co. could not get us County Hall then what chance do Faz and her colleagues have ? My only defence can be that they will not do any worse than the current N.U.S. We can not unite behind N.U.S. at present, maybe our General Secretaries can unify us more, they are there to represent us, not a faction.
A speaker visiting the ; school last Thursday was I threatened with a 'Bullet j between his head' after a I call was received on the | answer phone of Student j Union Entertainments ! Officer Jonny Bradburn. ; OlivieroToscani,Creative I Director ofthe Bennetton ' Fashion chain, and re- j sponsible for the chain's : notoriousadvertsingcam- i paign featuring newly ; bornbabiesandnunskiss- ; ing priests was the sub- ; ject of the death threat : which according to i Bradburn was received j during the course of the ; UGM.
After seeking police ad- i vice the lecture was de- ; layed one hour and en- | trance restricted to LSE ! Student Cardholders ; only. Asafurtherprecau- i tion the room was : changed, and the audience I informed there was a se- | curity alert, although some suggested that they should have been told of the full extent of the threat.
Itis not known whether | the call was a prank or ! from someone with a seri- i ous grudge to bear. Since i the call was received by j an answer phone it is not j possible to ascertain j whether it was from j within the school or from j outside it, however i Bradburn believes that 1 the tone of the call sug- i gests it is from someone j not connected with the i college.
A spokesperson for ; Bennetton UK told The Beaver that even though : theyreceiveplentyofcriti- i cismfortheiradvertising, j their staffhad never been : subject to death threats, i The chain's advertising, ; whilst being offensive to i some, has attracted a lot ! of attention to the retail | group. The British i AdvertsingStandardsAu- i thority was forced to ban ' a poster displayinga blood : covered newly born baby i after receiving an over- ; whelmingnumberofcom- i plaints. Previous adverts j by the chain had also pro- i duced numerous com- | plaints.	I
MrToscani'svisittothe j LSE was arranged by Faz ! Zahir, General Secretary j butherinitial unavailabil- j ity on Thursday afternoon |
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
Questicml Time
To John Spurling, Fi-: nance and Services Officer:
How do you plan to im-^ prove/chang^ services? I
The major problem we j have with our semces is lack of space; we have! made applications for; more room to the School ; but these have been re-3 jected, thus our only re-:l course iis to make better! use of the space we do i have. To this end the most I crowded of our services, ; the shop, will be undergo-; ihg a refit to make it more ^ "user friendly". Another-' area we are looking to improve is the use of our ; facilities by societies and i students. The Under-; groundbar is particularly i well suited to this purpose but we can make it; easier to book this and^ other services,"	||
To John Spurling,
Could there be a fax accessible to students (as at i ULU)?
'There is no reason, in :| principle, why we should not provide this facility to studentsbuti will have to ; in vestiga te th e econ omics before we can put this proposal into practise. In next i weeks' UGM I will report back on the outcome of my investigatjons." To John Spurling
Instead of havi ng to use throwaway cups in the c^e, could students bring their own mu^ and gefe tea/cofJee cheaper at thei Veg Cafe?
"As the reduction in, price would be a fraction of a penny this scheme would not be practical, it would also be near impossible to regiilate the amount portions, especially of milk. Thisscherne also raises concerns over hygiene which would be next to iriipossible to alley."
This column has been ; established in the Beaver ; Newssectioh so that you,, the students, can ask i questions to elected Union Officers.
In this way we hope to ; provide a forum for you to follow up on issues you' are interested in. Union ; officers will answer the questions put to thein to , the best of their knowl- i edge and the answers can be regarded as committing the Union officer to his/her statement. Questions should be submitted to E197, the Beaver of-; fice, or to the Newseditor. The questions will have; to be signed when handed , in. Th ey are going to be ! submitted anonymously; to the Union officers. Use : your democratic ri^hf cfc-

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6 A.O.B.
A Glint In The Eye Of Rag
Everyone knows that Rag Week takes place once a year. Few people know what Rag Week is all about. Therefore to promote this year's Rag Week, a mini-Rag Day has been organised to highlight and promote the four charities involved.
So what's going on? Well, next Thursday (December 3rd) the Rag Society, under the capable Chairmanship of Justin Deville, has organised a number of events aimed at raising money for this year's designated charities. Throughout the day there will be abseiling down the side of the Old Building under the guidance of Hans Gutbrod (Faz take note!). The hit of last year's Rag Week, the pleasure of walking down the walls of this hall owed institute will be yours for the minimal fee of £3. This will be accompanied by an all-day bar, kindly provided by Mr Jim Fagan himself (the photos are yours, Jim!).
At some point during the day, you're likely to be accosted by various officials of the Rag Society who will hand you a leaflet highlighting the events of the forthcoming Charity bonanza. On it you'll see this year's
Going over the edge: last year's Rag extravaganza	(Photo: Steve East)
charities. What are they? Airspace is a charity that caters for children with learning difficulties throughout Britain. The Terrence Higgins Trust needs no introduction, being one of the leading AIDS charitiesin Britain. UNICEF is the third charity	while
Centrepoint, a charity which caters for the homeless of London, has been chosen as this year's local charity.
The whole day will be rounded off with a feature film double bill in the New Theatre. The totally
awesome "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" will be teaming up agai n st "W ay n e's Wor 1 d" to bringyou one excellent bargain. Dude dress appropriate.
The whole day is a brief introduction to Rag. If your captivated by the idea then why not come along to this week's Rag Society meeting in A47 which will be held on Tuesday at 6pm.
The Frank and Walters
AIDS & HIV Awareness Week
7-11 The Underground - Films:
Sluts and Goddesses Gay Mens Guide To Safe Sex
WORLD ATOS DAY
Positively Women : Womens Room 1-2 p.tn.
Motion on lifestyle questionnaires
bucket collection for THT
All Week. The Quad:
bucket collection for Exhibition HT	Information Stall
Protest letters to Friday 4 December Association of British 7 p.m. Terrence Higgins Insurers.
Trust Roadshow
Next week on Wednesday is a chance for you to be militant and involved for once. The Llo/ds and Midland Boycott campaign (based in Manchester) is organising a national day of action on the 2nd of December. But I will tell youaboutthatoncelhave convinced you to join our most excellent campaign.
Why Lloyds and Midland? They hold the largest loans to the Third World and sit on the Structural Adjustment committees of the International Monetary .
Fund (IMF). The IMF does not take into consideration the need for social development (investment in health, housingand education for example)	and
environmental protection. We think that should be a priority rather than a secondary concern. The high street banks also receive tax relief on debt provision which costs every British citizen (that means a lot ofyou)£70ayear. Surely that money should be used for debt relief and other worthwhile forms
Red Ribbons
of investment in jobs, education and health. For every pound given to the Third World, British banks receive three pounds in debt repayment.
Obviously most students that hold accounts with Lloyds and Midland aren't in a position to close them so we are encouraging those that are to fund their drinking sessions with overdrafts at Barclays and Natwest instead, or even better, at CO-OP and TSB if they are rich enough.
AIDS
Awareness
World Aids Day is approaching
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
The aim of WORLD AIDS DAY on Tuesday 1st December is to promote action and discussion amongst people not regularly confronted by AIDS. To ask EVERYONE to be aware of the need for compassion and understanding in dealing with the issues.
The Red Ribbon we ask you all to wear is a symbol of your awareness and concern, the contributions from the sale of these will go to the WORLD AIDS DAY '92 Campaign.
Basically HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) can only be transmitted in four ways;
1)	During unprotected vaginal or anal sex.
2)	By sharing needles or syringes to inject drugs.
3)	Through infected blood or blood products.
4)	From a mother with HIV to her unborn child.
You can't get HIV from hugging,touching, kissing,coughing, sneezing, sweat, tears, saliva,animals, mosquitoes, sharing a toilet seat or practising Safe Sex.
Safer sex is any kind of sex which reduces or eliminates the risk of blood, semen or vaginal fluids from one infected person entering the blood stream of their partner. So sex using a good quality condom, kissing, hugging, masturbating, massaging and oral sex are O.K. AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome is the name of a series of cancers and infections
which can occur as a late consequence of HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) infection. When in the bloodstream the HIV virus attacks the T4 (white blood cells) - part of the immune system that prevents the body from getting diseases. Eventually too many T4 cells are killed for the immune system to remain effective. Current treatments attempt to delay this point, but there is no known vaccine for the virus.
American experts claim that by the end of the decade more that 25 million people could have Aids, with up to 110 million adults and 10 million children infected with HIV. The predictions of The World Health Organisation are a little lower at 10 million cases and 30 to 40 million infections, still a staggering number. Perhaps surprisingly, 80% to 90% of these will beheterosexual. Wemust challenge the perception of AIDS as just a gay disease. Today's prime target is heterosexual, female and aged between 16 and 35. According to the WHO this epidemic is still in its infancy.
In less developed countries the primary incidence of AIDS and HIV is among heterosexuals. However, this group also takes an ever	increasing
percentage of new cases in the US and Europe.
Across the world the safe sex message is meeting with institutional resistance,	and
consequently only limited success. InTanzanialong-haul lorry drivers have been targeted with condom promotion in the hope that this will curb the spread of HIV over thousands of miles. But in other states illiteracy, superstition and churches have impaired education campaigns. Twenty percent of intravenous drug users in Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay are HIV+, and twenty percent of prostitutes in Bangkok are infected.
The theme of World AIDS Day '92 is "A Community Commitment". As a contribution to this campaign the Students' Union is running its HIV/ AIDS Awareness Week from Monday 30 November. This will promote awareness ofthe global problem and the practical means of avoiding infections. For more information feel free to take leaflets from our stall in the Quad next week, or come along and talk to Terrence Higgins Trust on Friday.
We would greatly appreciate it if you could write a letter of protest to the Association of British Insurers whose "Lifestyle Questionnaire" in Life Insurance application forms greatly discourages HIV testing.
Phoebe Ashworth
Third World Coming First
motion through the UGM to make it Student Union policy - so you can come along to that and throw paper aeroplanes at anyone who dares to speak against us in a couple of weeks' time. And of course the boycott will work. Bad publicity from the student body helped force Barclays out of South Africa.
That's about all I can write before the Beaver office shuts so I hope I've convinced you to join the Lloyds and Midland Boycott. The day of action ".•i&'oa-Wednesday.awd.we:^.
will be meeting at 1:30pm in Houghton Street. Ifyou haven't been convinced after this enthralling article I will persuadeyou then.
The socially conscious at LSE will join people from all the colleges of London to march up and down Tottenham Court Road dressed stylishly in black behind a grim reaper(hopefully, this will interest the press and the general public because it is more original than rows and rows of identical SWSS placards). Laying wreafch&'.toutside. bank s -
and leafleting on Oxford Street will follow. Although the whole thing is incredibly well organised there is still plenty ofroom for any new ideas you may have.
All there is left to say is "please come along, multiple orgasms guaranteed". Otherwise the already growing humour about an epidemic of lethargy at LSE will be confirmed in the eyes of the rest of the studentbody ((jodforbid).
Kate Hampton
The Beaver, 30 th November 1992
7 Campus,
Ents Diary
(with a sporting touch)
16. 35
HFL Dagenham & Barkings WestRuslipO 1 FAP Arsenal 0 Notts Forest 3
Monday 7-llpni Aids Awareness films in the Underground: Sluts and Goddesses and Gay Mens' Guide to Safe Sex Amnesty presents Marcos Aviraina in A86, 5pm
48 SP Rangers 3 Celtic 3 (Yes.)
56VCF Wycombe Wanderers 0 Telford 0 (YES) Tuesday 1st December: World Aids Day.
Darts Society play Kings' in the Underground. Scandanavian Society's Xmas Party, C120. NUS open Committee on reform 3pm, venue TBA.
An Evening of Comedy featuring Anton Chekhov, 8pm, the Old Theatre. £2 admission. 16.36 3 FAP Chelsea 1 Liverpool 0 (Oh bugger...)
21 Div2 Leyton Orient 5 Brighton 2 (Leyton Orient scored five?)
14	Div 1 Newcastle 2 Notts County 1 (Nope...) Heiniken League Pontypool 15 Neath 36 9 FAP Middlesboro' 2 Blackburn Rovers 8 (EIGHT)
Wednesday 2nd December; Students'Union Exec. Meeting, 2-3pm, E207. More comedy with Chekov at 8pm. Geography Association party in the Underground & Quad £5/£6 free wine and beer. 16. 37 4 FAP Norwich 1	Coventry 1
(YESSSSS!)
56 SDiv2 East Fife 4 Forfar 5
15	Div 1 Luton Town 0
Watford 0 (ha,ha,ha) 16 Div 1 Millwall 9 West Ham 0 34 Div 3 Barnet 4
Scaraboro......(yes).....3
(Oh shit)
Thursday 3rd Decem ber: MINI RAG DAY
featuring an all day bar, abseiling down the Old Building and Film Dou ble bill in the New Thea tre ('Wayne's World' and 'Bill & Ted's Excel lent Adventure') 3 FAP Crystal Palace 2 Tottenham Hotspur 2 (Yes..two more) 41 SP Dundee Utd 0 Hearts 1 Pakistan Society in the Quad 6-llpm. Bucket collection for Terrence Higgins Trust so bring those buckets!
16.40 llDivlWolver hampton Wanderers 2 Leicester City 2 (YES) 23 Div 2 Fulham 1 Bolton Wanderers 2 HFL Pratt's Bottom 3 Lewes 4 HFL Bootle 0 Red Star Milton Keynes 0 HFL Peckham 3 South Liverpool 2 (You're taking the piss)
Friday 4th December: 7pm Terrence Higgins Trust roadshow. 16. 42 VCF Runcorn 1 Fisher Athletic 0 2 FAP Aston Villa ^ Everton 4
Saturday 5th Decem ber: HELL-FIItE.
16.45. 20DivlBrentord (This is it, this is it) 2 Swindon
Town....(yes)......(yes).........0
(oh fuckinghell, Hoddle, you're crap...)
Eastern Vision Forum are holding something this week. See Reza for details.
Ron Voce Held At Gunpoint
Security staff at LSE failed to respond to his tortured cries for help.
Roving reporter Ron Voce™ was viciously attacked last week in Los Angeles by a group of muggers. Unable to fight back. Voce™ was forced to hand over all is money, travellers cheques and credit cards to the criminals. Details are sketchy at the moment but one thing is clear: LSE's security staff failed to respond to this attack. Despite dialling 666, Voce™ received no assistance. On being asked why they did not respond a spokesman stated "I'm sorry but
we do not patrol down town Los Angeles, or any city in California".
This response was met with shock and outrage by various members of LSE's hacking community. Most alarmed was RezaMahmoud. On hearing of the attack he was concerned for his fellow Eastern Vision Forum member especially considering the irony that Voce™ is the society's Safe Transport Officer. "We now kn ow it isn't safe to walk the streets of LA. Ron has done his re-
search" stated Mahmoud. Faz Zahir showed some concern but was oleased thatRon "managed to get laid in New Orleans" while Simon Reid simply laughed off the attack. But everyone agreed that Security at LSE needs to be looked at once more. Howcan an innocentLSE student be victim to such a cruel attack. Clearly America is unsafe for all LSE students, especially those who originate from across the pond. Speaking on an entirely different subject, Bob Gross,
he of National Newspaper fame (The Independent and The Guardian), stated "what we need is a change of attitude". Meanwhile Voce™ himself i.s-returninghome this week to face allegations that he did in fact miss his American War of Independence class whilst he's been away.
Bobby Charlton.
L.S.E.XIST
Why don't men and women have equal rights at L.S.E?
I
t's bloody disgust ing. Why is it that one group of people attheL.S.E. isconstantly overlooked and treated like pieces of shit? While women walk all over us in their steel-tipped stilletos, the men are enduring increasing levels of prejudice at L.S.E. Having progressed from the position where females were not given any rights, we have arrived at the reverse - men have been forgotten, a repressed group, condemned to live in a thoughtless, uncaring society in the shadow of their female counterparts. Let me explain... L.S.E. Student Union policy concentrates on
providing women students with services that cater solely for them, thereby neglecting the needs of male students. Women's lib. and Feminism as a movement is supposed to have been about social justice, in the words of Kate Hampton (pacifist and anarchist), "feminism is about providing equal opportunities for women and giv-ingthem equal rights and more choice, and by marginalising them and putting them in a special category, one creates a counter-productive polarisation in society...", which is my point exactly. For example, why isthere no men's room? Why do men not need a place to
Wednesday 2nd December 1.30pm Houghton St.
Join students from all over London to support the Lloyds And
Midland Boycott campaign Dress entirely completely and utterly in BLACK to demonstrate
against Third World Debt
go to get away from women and their neverending"oh, men are only after one thing" etc. And what about a men's officer? We have problems too you know - men are perceived to be emotionally much stronger than they really are, the reason for thatbeingthat over the years, we have been forced to adopt an impregnable, dominant persona, but deep down we are all soft, pink and squishy.
Perhaps the most pressing issue at the moment is that of safe transport home at nights, which is currently not a facility that men at the L.S.E. are able to avail themselves of. This is very worrying when one considers the increasing cases of male rape, and the fact that in London, more violence is directed against men than women. Let's face it, after a storming night out on the beers, the females have always got Ladycabs to turn to, a
nice, cheap, safe option, while the men have to fend for themselves, unable to fork out for a taxi because of the abject poverty that all students, male and female alike, suffer from.
How can all this be justified? Personally, I,ve always believed in equal rights and have always hoped that women would be given a greater chance in society. Now, I'm a disillusioned man, sitting powerless, the wheels of change racing uncontrollably over our traditional ways of life. Please don't get me wrong - I favour change and all of the ex tra benefits it has brought women, but men need these benefits too. As stated by our oh so highly talented campus editor, Jerome Harris, "If women are to compete on an equal basis with men, then they must feel that they are standingon their own,notbeingmolly-cod-dled and 'looked-after'".
ANON
The views expressed in this article are those of the author (who has decided to remain anonymous for reasons of his own safety) and not necessarily those of the Beaver and its staff.
Winners of the Royalty Theatre Macbeth/ Tempest Competition:
K. Spleen James T. Hull J. Harris Anne Le Goulven
8 Opinions
The Beaver
How can the government look towards the tax payersofGreat Britain and expect them tofootthe bill for the repairs needed for the reconstruction of Windsor Castle when they plan to close three major hospitals in London and continually fail to do anything constructive about the homeless problem in the capital, not to mention the closure of pits in the coalmining regions of Britain. Surely the Queen has enough (un-taxed) money stashed away somewhere to foot the bill?
It's obvious to many people that the Royal Family is an out-dated institiition. A useless monument serving only to remind those who can remember of the past where Britain ruled the waves. Of course, being her loyal subjects, as Adam Cleery would say, we're expected to sit back and pay £60 million. Adam is an example to us all. Let's follow this example and lie in the road, bleeding to death, because there's not an ambulance available and if there was one, it wouldn't be able to reach the nearest hospital in time. Ifit did, you're one bloody lucky person. Afterall, can you name one central London hospital which will still be open by the end of 1993.
It is clealrv obvious that the Tory government have got their brains up their back sides (allegedly). What is more important? Three NHS hospitals, where treatment is free and the waiting lists long because of cutbacks, saving miner's jobs, providing homes for the homeless, protecting the environment, increasing student grants, or a castle in the middle of the countryside which is about as much use as a small, green rubbery thing which youhaven'tgot much usefor. Or a smoke damaged fire alarm.
Of course, there is one option which the Tory government has yet to consider. How about selling Windsor castle to the LSE?
Executive Editor Managing Editor News Editor Campus Editor Features Editor Food & Drink Editor Arts Editors
Music FIditor Sports Editors
Photographic Editors
Financial Director Classifieds Editor
Neil Andrews Kevin Green Hans Gutbrod Jerome Harris Paul Bou Habib Steve Thomas Navin Reddy Geoff Robertson Rob Hick Daniel Beharall Tom Randell Steve East Thorsten Moos T. James Brown Carolyn Wilson
Staff; Selman Ahmad, Jamsheda Ahmad, Tom Aubrey, Emma Bearcroft, George Binette, Nigel Boyce, Johnny Bradburn, Matt Claxton, Adam Cleery, Mark Dantos, Sarah Ebner, Sian Evans, John Fenton-Fischer, Tesher Fitzpatrick, Nick Fletcher, Sarah Jane Gibbs, Gavin Gilham, Phillip Gomm, Andrew Graveson, Bob Gross, Madeline Gwyon, Justin Harper, PeterHarrad, Gerard Harris, Becky Hartnup, Rhiannon E. Hordley, Eduardo Jauregui,TobyJohnson,SteveKinkee,Martin Lewis, Chris Longridge, Stavros Makris, Pernilla Malmfalt,; : Adrian May, Emmanuel Ohajah, Sarah Owen, David | ¦ Price, Zaf Rashid, Mervyn Rees, Steven Roy, Bella i i Sleeman, Ian Staples, Tony Thirulinganathan, Ian i Turner, Ron Voce, Ralph Wilde, L. A. Wildethorpe, i Stuart Wilkes, Suke Wolton, FazZahir.
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That's Entertainment
Dear Editor,
The post mortem given to the position of Entertainments Officer (23/11/92) was a bit premature. May I take the liberty of making a few comments about the article and the position of Ents Officer having had the dubious honour of holding the post from 1991-92.
Firstly, getting LSE students to go to Union organised social events requires more than the usual remedy of putting up posters and distributing leaflets. The most successful events of my years did not revolve around advertising a "name band", but a theme event or society party advertised by a previously established reputation and word of mouth. The office politics that are currently carrying on in the Union are quite obviously exclusive and actively discourage students from socialising at the Union.
The General Secretary, Faz, is misguided to believe that "good bands" will not play at the LSE because of our venue. Admittedly the Quad (one of 6 venues at the LSE -think hard) is painted a dodgy shade of yellow and has horrible live sound quality (to the trained ear); but bands will play anywhere for a price and the Quad can have a great atmosphere (i.e. live bands at Tequila) with more than fifty people.
The Ents Officer's responsibilities among three lazy (all sabbaticals are) Union hacks who have no experience with the entertainments industry, no music/comedy contacts, no idea how to run major events, negotiate contracts, deal with professionals professionally, or a complete lack of desire to shift several tons of equipmentat lam on their day off.
My initial suggestion to revive and revamp entertainments at the LSE would be to invest in a full-time paid professional Ents Manager. Full-time is essential, don't be fooled by current appearances lack of things to do, it is just that some sabs don't do anything. The problem with voting in sabbaticals to do very responsible jobs is th at popularity contests do not produce winners with the essential qualifications for the job at hand - providing you
with decent, thought-out entertainments.
I patently disagree with Jon Spurling(SU Finance & Services Officer) that hiringan Entertainments Manager would cost the Union more money (more than £8,000 in two months???). The Union is currently sinking over £22,000 (sab salary & expen ses & budget) a year into an unsuccessful (and apparently unknown) ents programme. That's 100 students' grants. SUrely it would be more cost effective to in vest£ 13, 000 a year, plus initial budgets, to pay a professional with previous experience to run a profitable, regularly scheduled, and well-attended entertainments programme. Profit that could be re-invested into better venues, societies, and cheaper events.
Jon, please don't make a hasty, misinformed decision that could make or break a successful LSE social community. Don't worry, I won't apply for the job.
Fiona MacDonald
1991-92 Ents Officer
PS Johnny, I never said it would be easy.
P.P.S. Microgroove is the best funk, rap, dance band in London, too bad you all missed it.
Child's Play
Dear Beaver,
Thank you for supporting the campaign for a safe play area for the children of the LSE nursery. You describe it as "Pete's campaign". In fact, the campaign was initiated by the parents of children in the nursery, and I have just been helpful where possible. Like you, I encourage students to support this Union campaign.
Yours Sincerely
Peter Harris
Equal Opportunities and	Welfare
Sabbatical.
The
Cyprus
Issue
Dear Mr. Andrews,
In response to a letter complaining about Union Jack's dismissal of the debate on Cyprus, you ask "Howare wemeanttotake sides when both groups constantly accuses (sic)
the other of lying? Who are we to believe?" As a historian, surelyyoumust know the answers to your question, or is there som eth i ng el se to be sai d...
The Cyprus debate is one about which many books and newspaper articles have been written, and concerning which many primary sources are available. The task of the historian is to weigh up theavailable evidence and to come to an informed opinion. Granted, the Cyprus debate is one that arouses strong emotions, but as a detached, independent observer, the historian is bound to take this factor into consideration when assessingthe reliability of a source.
For example. The Turkish Cypriots allege that one reason for the invasion ofTurkish troops was to protect the human rights of the Turkish Cypriots. However, their case in this respect is badly undermined by the record ofthe sameTurkish government with respect to the human rights of Kurds and dissident Turks within their own country. Furthermore, the almost universal condemnation of the Turkish invasion, and the complete lack of recognition for the puppet regime established, are both factors which a historian would consider when assessingthe merits of the case.
Of course, the historian should be careful not to take on board either argument without due consideration, but to take such an irresponsible attitude on a matter of such importance is not conduct befitting a historian or the editor of our Union newspaper.
I, for one, fully support efforts to highlight the crimes committed by the Turkish governmentboth then and now, and reject totally the lame excuses for the dismissal of the debate. The UGM motion, though not your behaviour, is totally compatible with the LSESU's tradition of fighting injustice. It need scarcely be added that your references to "atrocities, genocide and jaywalking" are perhaps the best illustration of your approach to history, politics and life in general.
Steve Peake,
MA International History.
I'm sorry you feel like that, Steve, I would like to point out, however, that I did not write the phrase "atrocities, genocide	and
jaywalking". I agree that the Cyprus issue arouses	strong
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
emotions. I therefore chosee to respond to Mr. Valouxalus' letter, which was a reply to the previous week's Union Jack, in a manner I believed apt for the situation. With such an emotional subject matter there is always the possibility that it could blow up into something more serious, as arecent altercation at King's College between Greek and Turkish Cypriots suggests.
The infinite regress of	mutual
recriminations makes it hard for an independent observer, like myself, to try to reach an opinion which has avoided even the best historians. We can only examine the available evidence. As a fellow historian, I'm sure you'll agree that the most important factor when assessing any evidence is to take into consideration it's origins. Therefore most sources of information on this subject are likely to contain bias in one form or another, whether intentional or not. If I remain "impartial" at aUGM surely that is my perogative on the basis that the arguments raised by both sides are bound to conatain a considerable amount of bias, be it right or wrong. As you state in your letter, "the historian should be careful not to take on board either argument without	due
consideration". How can you cast an informed opinion on such an important topic on the grounds of two one minute speeches by both the Greek and Turkish Cypriots,	each
passionate about their respective arguments, when the speakers are constantly interupted bythe opposition. That was the point I was trying to make.
Post Haste
All letters to be delievered to the Beaver Office (E197) by internal mail or hand by 3pm Thursady
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
9 Feature
THE TRUTH ABOUT FASCISM
Be they euro, eco or communist-fascists, Adam Cleary finds a common abhorrence for freedom in all of them...
Recently I opposed a motion on the Asylum Bill ata UGM. Since I was the subject of copious, childish, irrational abuse no one heard what I was try-ingto say. This small incident is but one illustration ofthe wayin which a hard core rabble of militant communists, who supposedly stand for all things right on, actively move to suppress freedom of speech.
I find this sort of hypocrisy to be the underlying factor in socialism, freedom of speech for everyone, except those who disagree with us, freedom of the press, except when the papers disagree with us, freedom to choose whether or not to belong to an organisation, except when those organisations are left wing trade or student unions, scrounging off members who have no opportunity to express their disagreement by leaving the organisation. I would suggest that this hypocrisy, this intolerance, bears the signs of a certain fanatical extremist creed commonly known as fascism.
We are surrounded by fascists of one stripe or another every day of our lives. There are the euro-fascists, for example, who refuse to accept, or even listen to, any arguments about the viability or acceptability of further EC integration as proposed under the Maastricht Treaty. They seem to think the EC is some sort of omnipotent God, who is going to solve all the world's problems with the wave of a magic wand and lots of interfering, unnecessary, burdensome legislation which impoverishes everyone except the powerful lobbying groups who proposed the legislation in the first place. You only have to look at the policy which absorbs most of the EC budget - the Common Agricultural Policy ( CAP ) to see the full horror of what lies ahead if the Treaty of Maastricht is ratified.
The movement towards EC integration is one of those terribl e con spi raci es
perpetrated continually throughout history by politicians, bureaucrats, and the elite patronising socialist 'chattering classes'. All three ofthese groups in countries across the Community know full well there is little if any popular support for the Treaty, and they all conspire together to portray the Treaty as the most wonderful move forward for Europe to their electorates, but they don't let their electorate vote on a matter of such huge constitutional importance.
They don't even publish the Treaty and allow the electorate to read it. Haveyou read a copy? Do youknow where I can find one available for inspection by the general public? The only government honest enough to both publish theTreaty andlet their electorate vote in a fair ballot was Denmark -and they lost. You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot get away with it forever, one day the people of Europe will take back the freedom and independence which their governments are taking away from them now.
At LSE we are also continually confronted with communist-fascists who utterly ( and tragically ) refuse to accept th at communism, collectivism and socialism in all their depressing little formats are all effectively dead and buried, longabandonedby the people they sought to appeal to and represent. Even in supposedly communist countries like Chine and Vietnam, communism has been effectively abandoned; In France we have had, for the past ten years, a Socialist government which advocates 'market socialism', which, I would like to point out, is a total contradiction in terms (much like the phrase 'Socialist Worker' ). The market is socialism's nemesis, socialists are supposed to combat the 'wickedness' ofthe marketand put'people before profits'. It is
Fascism is, in all its forms, a pernicious, evil attack on freedom and tolerance, and we should always fight against it.
impossible to speak of the two in the same breath as part of the same creed.
Of course we also have the eco-fascists, who, in true Malthusian fashion, proclaim that the end of the world is nigh, and as a consequence we should abandon all the technological progress and the high standard oflivingwe have achieved through market capitalism, and return to nature to eat nuts, berries and rabbit food. I would like to draw their attention to the fact that the richest countries in the worldhavethebest, most pleasant environments, because they have created the wealth which enables them to spend money on improving the environment.
Something eco-fascists and socialists never seem to understand is that you CANNOT distribute wealth unless you create it first. I think it is extremely sad that we still live in a society where wealth creation is vilified and sneered at, and men who distribute what they have not created are exalted, whereas the men who made it all possible are rewarded with envy and suspicion. The emphasis is wrong - there is soon nothing left to distribute if you do not create wealth by allowing competition and free markets to work effectively. If
you suppress economic growth in a vain attempt to protect the environment, you will soon be so poor that you will have no alternative but to destroy the environment to stay alive.
Puritanical, self-righteous, hysterical, luddite eco-fascists should remember this the next time they startlecturingdevel-oping countries on their environments at another sad spectacle like the Rio Conference. The only way we are going to stop poor countries from cutting down trees and polluting rivers is by making them wealthier. The easiest way to do this is of course to buy their exports. Do we do this? Absolutely not, we choose instead to close our markets for the benefit of small but powerful lobby groups and, to stop their governments making a big fuss, we give them aid which they waste or cannot use effectively because they lack the technology to exploit it. And, however generous we are with this aid, it rarely benefits the people it is meant for, except in such an indirect way as for the effect to be negligible. It is surely far, far better to let the market do its work of creating mutual prosperity through free trade. This will benefit the ordinary citizens of developing countries
directly in the shape of higher sales, profits and wages.
A recent exam pie of this hypocri.sy at work wasthc recent decision by the EC to impose duties on imports of cheap P^ast European steel just to protect a collcftion of powerful but inefficient state-owned West P'uropean steel companies. Ourbril-liant friends in Brussels don't seem to have quite realised that by doing this, they are a) impoverishing consumers of steel (including all those powerful but inefficient EC car firms we want to help as well ),b)ensuringthat when the EC steel industry fi n a 11 y m e cts th e truth ofthe market, its demise will be all the more painful for all the more people, c) impoverishing long suf fering EC taxpayers by making them foot the largebillfortheinadequa-cies ofthe EC steel industry, and of course d) im poverishing Eastern Europe's workers, consumers and companies by pre-ventingthem from .selling the goods they are making, which makes all their protestationsaboutall the aid they are sending quite ridiculous and hypocritical.
The situation 1 havejust outlined happens all the time, but it is just a small part of the picture - the Common Agricultural Policy, which prevents developingcountriesfrom selling agricultural products to Europe, the Multi-Fibre Agreement, which restricts trade in textiles.
payers money I am tempted to think they have a competition running in the EC's Brussels HQ to see which bright spark can come up with the scam which will waste the largest amount of EC taxpayers money and be totally economically inefficient at the same? time -first prize so far to the guy who invented the Com- ¦ mon Agricultural Policy.
Another species is the health and safety fascist, the sort of person who would not be happy unless the whole of humanity was lying down on a cushioned mattress, wrapped up in cotton wool, receiving a medically test(!d form of vegetarian yogurt through a steri-lisf>d drip. There must never, ever be any danger of anyone ever havingany fun, or doing anything remotely dangerous or exciting' is their motto. These dreary puritans love to trawl out reams of useless rules which circumscribe ever\' aspect of the way we live our lives, and continually encroach upon our freedom. Seldom is liberty lost all at once, as someone once put it. I think the recent decision to install cameras on roads is a good example of this sort of dreary, puritanical, 'Big Brother' fascism. Those wonderful people in Brusselsalso show alarming tendencies in this direction, with their publication of 5000 pages of rules every year, and all those secret committees ofthe European Commission who wander about
large reams of non-tariff theCommunity encroach-barriers which make it all ing upon freedom every-
but impossible for a whole range of goods from developing countries to enter rich countries, these are the most important and obvious, and the most scandalous, ways in which a coalition of euro and eco-facsists and socialists all band together to impoverish everyone - EC taxpayers, workers, consumers, Third World nations, everyone except themselves and the powerful interest groups they represent. It is such a brilliant way to waste tax-
where.
There are many kinds of fascism, surprisingly it often manifests itself most strongly in people who purport to be most agai n st it. The underlying factor in all forms of fascism, however, is a messianic mission to undermine and destroy individual freedom, free trade and free markets. Fascism is, in all its forms, a pernicious, evil attack on freedom and tolerance, and we should always fight against it.
10 Art
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
Duchess of Malfi At Hampstead
By
Ralph Wilde
Webster's dark parable on a corrupt, morbid and devious world had new life breathed into it at this production in Hampstead. A plot of intrigue, scandal and betrayal in high places unfolded as the Duchess married against her brother's wishes and events spiralled into tragedy.
The Duchess was played with the emphasis firmly on the un scruitability ofthepart : here is a woman immersed in degradation xind evil who manages to retain her humanity in the face of others' brutality. Unlike Hamer Walter at the RSC, Louise Salter injected naive playful laughter on to the agenda as a character resplend-entin herignoranceofthe fatal consequences of her actions. The poignancy of her situation was underlined beautifully when she ticked Ferdinand off for being a little too close for comfort, without realizing thefull implicationsofhis behaviour - that she could do little now to resist her awful fate. The Duchess, unlike Bosula, is truly helpless, "Life is a tedious theatre -1 play a part in it against my will", yet she remains positive and playful even in death, making the effect of the play even more horrific.
Bosula,	the
"intelligencer" who sells his soul to the service of the brothers, spyingon the Duchess and
Bosola's dialogue was barely hinted at by the actor, and thus the confusion displayed in the second half seemed contrived and unnatural. Dramatically, he has to feel remorse, "guilty conscience is a black register", but it
"Life is a tedious theatre -1 play a part in it against my will"
precipitating her downfall, was played here as a decidedly nasty piece of work, complete with a bovver boy bulldog physique and dodgy bouncer 'tache. Ironically the spy, he is in fact the one character with a degree of control over his life and for this he pays an awful price, at first betraying the Duchess to death and then avengingher by murdering the brothers. The problem with Bosola is one of morality and conscience - we can never be sure whether he really cares about anythingat all, even after he laments his role in the Duchess' fate. The inner conflict present in much of the imagery of
seems too much like a bolt out of the blue to be credible. The director curiously added an extra detail when Bosola kisses the Duchess' corpse after her death, but this seems like an easy way of making up for the lack of early suggetions about his confused state of mind, than an interestinginterpreta-tion of their relationship.
Ferdinand and the Cardinal, the two twisted Machiavellians who both covet the Duchess for different reasons were both disappointing. The crescendo in Ferdinand's decline was missed with a complete lack of gradual build up to the explosion of
mysognmy and madness that we are confronted with attheendoftheplay. Several scenes where the dialogue can be used to drop subtle hints to the audience abouthis underlying feelings were botched with Ferdinand wiggling around in-effec-tually, wasted lines like "farewell lusty widow" displaying neither menace nor sexual tension. Worst of all, his remorse at the end seemed feigned, yet surely there is a degree of method in his madness unless we are to ignore the	incestual
mysogymistic conflict in his character.
Similarly, the deli ciously slimy potential of the lecherous Cardinal went no further than a distinctly greasy hairstyle ; there was no attempt to highlight the difference between appearance and reality (a core theme of the play), or hi s senior, infinitely more cool status in relation to his brother - he even fluffed the sex scene with Julia, getting lost in the
The
Duchess of Malfi
She
s to
Conquer
robes that made him look more like a refugee than a megalomaniac cleric.
Minor characters were uneven, some bringing much needed comicrelief, whilst others barely wentbeyond their dramatic function. Antonio (the Duchess' lover) opted for the one dimensional subordinate Ken doll persona, ther being no quetion that the Duchess was the dominant partner. Cariola, the Duchess' maid, proved a more objectively intelligent mental foil to the Duchess'passion thatisn't always highlighted in the character, and in the final scene added an unexpected twist when she, like Bosola, snogged [surely "kissed"-Ed] a confused Duchess before her mistress was finished off. The comic turn of the evening was delivered with style by one of the smallest parts in the play, the old lady. As a spectacularly sarcastic nun she dealt with a sharp hand a now demented lupine Ferdinand, peeling
on a pair of latex gloves for no apparent reason (Ferdinand in need of an enema? The safe sex menage of Jacobean tragedy?), bringing refreshingly new meaning and significance to her handful of lines.
The set of costumes paid homage to the wide ranging images of the play to good effect, especially when underlying the sexual tension that isn't fully developed by several of the characters. All the familiar phallic symbols were present from collosal candlesticks that several characters barely avoided knocking over, to poinards, flashlights and the old favourite, the sword. Female sexuality was suggested by two curiously vaginal curtains that swished suggestively at every entrance [pardon !?-Ed.], and the Duchess exposed her bare neck at every opportunity in a rather too blatant hint at horrors to
come.
c
ostumes fell along understated lines.
with the disappointingex-ception of the Cardinal who failed miserably to live up to his sumptuously decadent scarlet robes. The Duchess' resilience was elegantly underlined by her garb of white silk pyjamas as she languished in jail awaiting strangulation, and Ferdinands' painfully tight trousers. The tiny stage made the sword scene feel uncomfortably artificial and offered potential for disturbing intimacy with the audience that wasn't realised. Music was used to good atmospheric effect despite an audible click on the pause button reminiscent of an infant school play.
Depite it's limitations, the production was accesible and engaging, with the Duchess and the nun stealingtheshowand a decidedly lack-lustre performancebythe brothers. The play's dark agenda is of course important today and this message was underlined with a new sense of immediacy and relevance.
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
11 Art
Peak-A-Boo!
Fire Walk With Me and all that!
Kyle McLachlan, not looking as Ruffled as usual
Steady Eddie
the quality of girls could	to expectation. The stun-not be criticized-better' ning 'Scream' and 'Pu-
than a night down the	berty'are included in this
Tuns at any rate.	section. Munch possessed
The content of the exhi-	an intense fear, but of
bition was at times comi-	what it's hard to explain,
at that. It was the type of cal - although convention	It's not a paranoid fear in
life you either laugh at or and pretension prevented	total, nor is it the type of
Munch was not a happy chap, perhaps rightly so. His first forty years of life was full of material that Woody Allen could make a film of - and a funny film
cry with, and Munch chose thelatter with added misery and paranoia.
His 'Frieze of Life' was not intentionally a collection. He decided near it's completion thathispaint-ings were in some sort of chronology that closely echoed his life. It would seem that he was not wrong. However, similar themes run throughout the collection and at times separation	and
periodization of his work is not as apparent as it obviously was to the curator.
The exhibition is set in the austere surroundings of the National Gallery (Trafalgar Sq.). Thisisnot surprising for an artist of his reputation, but even so it seemed a little cramped. This claustrophobia was not helped by the large crowd viewing his work. I would suggest that if you decide to go it should be later on in the year and in the evening to avoid the crowd that was at best annoying. I'm not sure if it was me, but the crowd seemed exceptionally retarded in height and there were endless combinations of facial hair and strange glasses. However
one from laughing out- fearyou experience on the right. Munch was one of way to the Headmasters' life's losers. He was a sad office. It's almost as if bastard, the antithesis of Munch awoke everyday a spawny git. His work and felt that something reflects his troubled per- somewhere had gone hor-sonal life and it seems he ribly wrong - and he was was not short of material, invariably right. Thisfear The 'Frieze of Life' goes is reflected especially in from'Love'to'Anxiety'and thissection. Oneexample ends up on 'Death'. ofMunch's all encompass-Throughout all he is the ing fear is a painting of io.ser. 'Love' at first seems his house. It looks like erotic and sometimes ro- something out of mantic, but you realize Amytiville. The similar-later that this is Munch's ity is there, the house is way of exaggerating his on a hill, it's covered in misery. His painting The blood (or at least appears Kiss' taken out of context to be), and a psycho lives would seem romantic. The there. On the footnote to faces of the kissers have the painting the National become one, their bodies Gallery says; "...we are entwine rhythmically to- invitedtojoinIhishousel." gether-they've got it bad! Not fucking likely! Stay In context however, away kids, this man is Munch uses it to show that pissed off and unstable, although they may be ful- Atlast we reach 'Death', filled, even happy at that In this section one has to moment, it only deepens hold back the tears - of the misery they will suffer laughter. Here we read from later. Perhaps Munch how a woman agreed to was right. Or perhaps he marry Edvard, why or on was a miserable bastard what grounds was not who only got laid because elaborated upon. You the women in his life would think that Edvard thought they could get wouldjump at the chance, some money out of him. given all his miserable We then move on to failings with the opposite 'Anxiety'. Here at least sex. But no! Edvard in his Munch has an excuse to be eternal psychotic para-miserable-and he lives up noid wisdom, tells her;
"I'm in pain." , and could not possibly marry her. She then promptly marries his friend. But for Edvard this pain was not enough. He next has a heated argument with his would be fiancee and somehow manages to shoothimselfin the hand! Edvard is such a jerk that he could not even shoot himselfin thefoot. Munch to his credit paints a picture of the episode, but he entitles it; 'Murderess' and in another likens her to Charlotte Corday (Munch beingMarat).The section appropriately ends and so does the exhibition with Edvard admitting himself into a sanatorium.
The 'Frieze of Life' then is at best a stunning and expertly produced account ofMunch's early life, and at worst funny. In places his brilliance as an artist shines through and in others he even manages to fuck his considerable tal entup. In general though it's well worth two quid(NUS) and as it's only a ten minute walk away it would be criminal not to go. However, I think I should warn those of you who might be prone to empathizing with Edvard. I would not suggest going stoned nor whilst tripping, and avoidance of sharp objects is also a necessary precaution. You see Edvard can either be laughed at or cried with and a suicide at one of his exhibitions is just what the miserable bastarc would have wanted.
To begin with, an important point, non-Peakies (those who had no interestin, nor received any enjoyment from the series), those interested only what was, is and shall be, those who think surrealists sh ould be dumped in the Thames and those who turn their noses up at subjectivity STOP READING NOW! |What?That leaves only old Mr.Barnes and his one-legged cockerspaniel,Trevor to carry on !-Ed [.That should leave the readership con-sistingof weirdos, pseudo-intellectuals, arty farty types (what are you doing at the LSE?) IheyJ've got my English Lit. 'A' level, thanks!-Edl, extreme film-buffs and those secretly disgusted with the straight-jacketed bland-ness of their normal lives and hence who embrace the extremely odd, handbag, nutmeg [Tooth-3rush?-Ed], underwater world of Twin Peaks.
Those who suffered the stings and arrows of the TV series and in particular who were left baffled by the inscrutable (a word used often and with great relish when referring to Twin Peaks) ending, may or may not be glad to see the making of Lynch's prequel covering the few days leading up to Laura Palmer's death. Those who want answers, however, will get short shrift from Lynch who, let loose on the big screen and without the worry of claustrophobic censorship tying him down, sets out an orgy of aural and visual experiences to get his very individual viewpoint on what Twin Peaks was all about. Even I, having waded through the treacle of inscrutability sur-roundingthe series, could work out that Lynch was telling us that evil, whatever shape or form it takes, permeates and possesses even the most outwardly beautiful and stable backwaters of apparent bliss and that underneath thatfacadeofpeace-fulness lurks a malevolence of untoward destruction.
In "Fire Walk With Me" this is pursued to extremes by showing the accelerated destruction of
Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee); the extremely gorgeous porn queen who whirls to her fate on the back of seedy sexual misadventure and drug addiction, ably helped by Bob, the personification of evil presumably as imagined by good old Dave himself.
Also pursued in extremis is a weirdness factor roughly equivalent to a medley of the last three or four episodes of the series, all the weirdest bits from the rest (hallucinations of giants and midgets, ridiculous riddles, ladies with logs, etc.) and a generous helping of Vic Reeves and Salvidor Dali. There is one scene in which, like "Heaven's Gate", the dialogue is drowned out by background noise. Unlike "Heaven's Gate", however, this is deliberate. David Bowie appears for about ten seconds, and for slightly longer, so does Keifer Sutherland and Chris Isaak as FBI agents while various characters from the series turn up in order to lend their hand to the inscrutable (there it is again) proceedings.
Words beginning with "in" would in fact, be pretty much sufTicient to describe the film. Inscrutable, incautious, incalcuable, indescribable, indefinite, ineffable, indecipherable,..|0K, we all know you've got a dictionary, there's no need to show off!-Edl. On the other hand this film was designed to be a mess since it is really only a collection of images and feelings by its author. In it's defence, it can neither be described as insipid, since in its incessant coverage of the intangible it is at least interesting, nor inane since one is always, despite its terrible incertitude, aware of an indefatigable intelligence inneriatingthe work. And it's also not an intestine, since this is the canal ex-tendingfrom the stomach to the anus. You could always go and see it incognito after all I Ha, ha. No comment - we're restraining ourselves today - GRl.
Mervyn Reeves
12 Music
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
THE^'WHAT^ ON" COLUMN
Due to the ineptitude of certain music ven ues in London, this is notas comprehensive as I would have hoped: However, it's; better than nothing, but i do hope to bring you a more efTicient listing next; week.
MONDAY 30TH
There's an All Star Gui® tar Showcase Jam at the: Camden UnderworId(£5), though quite how star-studded it will be rentaingi to be seen,.,a1temativelyy you might be a little bit partial to Norman Jay's Original Rare Groove Show (£5,20% off for stu^ dents) at the Bass Clef (35 Coronet; St.,; Old St;: tube)...Ifyou already have a ticket for tonight's Meri; They Couldn't Hang gig atTheMean Fiddlerthen you're a lucky scheister 'cos it's sold out! TUESDAY 1ST Global Sweatbox (Asian/ Western Dance Fusion) at the aforementioned Bass Clef (£3 B4 11, else £5, but etill 20% ofD...or per;-haps, if you're still a "goth", Creaming Jesus at Feet First, Camden Palace (£2 with flyer)...otherwise there's really bugger all els^. WEDNESDAY2ND Ooh! Ooh! A "surprise show" at The Marquee by ^ someone who is probably quite famous as it costs £15, tickets on sale today only...alto sax from The^ David Samborn Group at the To wn & Goun try Club (about £10, I think) tonight, tomorrow, and the day after...er that's about it.
THURSDAY 3RD
70s retro stuff from the Glitter Band at the Un-: derworld (£6)..,Alice Donut at ULU (£6)...Top of the Pops at 7.00 on BBCl (joke). FRn)AY4TH Hue & Cry - remember th em ? - well they're at th e; Clapham Grand tonight and tomorrow (£don't care, but then I doubt if you do either)...availt-garde techno-ihdustnal stuff from the fab Sheep on Drugs at th e New Cross Venue (£5.50) or another waste-of-time ULU Christmas	Ball
f£15!!!).,.Dr maybe silly Aussies The Pale at the Mean Fiddler (£6). SATURDAY 5TH Gig of th e week at Brixton Academy with The Jesus And Mary Chain , God Ma-; chine, Stereolab and the hotly-tipped Mint 400 > a: bargain at £9.50,;.Pele at the Mean Fiddler (£6).;;or; bloody Napalm Death at the Marquee <£7, wasted),..perhaps Marxman at the Underworld (£5)...the decision is yours„.
SUNDAY 6TH Don't bother getting out of bed!
An Expected Groovy Treat
Finitribe and Eat Static at ULU
by Dave "Dread Zone" Jones
Tonighthas to be one of th e most eagerly awaited gigs this term, hence it's a bit of a surprise to see that the hall seems to be only half full. However, to be seen, is that what is lacking in audience atmosphere is more than made up for in stage presence.
The main support band is Eat Static, the techno-daughter group of the Ozric Tentacles. Unlike much of the Hardcore that is kicking about at the moment, Eat Static are a band with character. Not content with the normal "merge samples and let them run their course", they think and create their sound with the precision and
tightness that run-of-the-mill techno would be wise to adopt. Contrast in grooves is another asset they have within their capabilities, hardcore dance beat will give way to soft samples in a split second and with a tight, controlled partnership. Brilliant!!
And so it was that not only were Finitribe prepared to come down from Scotland to entertain us, they also felt obliged to bring their Tardis for us to marvel at. The Tardis in question is the strange amalgamation of aluminium taking up the front half of the stage. Within its confines it contained all the back line,	samplers.
sequencers, smoke machines, projectors, intelligent lighting, drum machines, fluorescent screens and the actual band! Sounds weird?...It was! But as they say, "It's not what it looks like, it's what it sounds like."
As far as tech no goes, it has to be said that Finitribe are mellow, they are creative - they care about what they produce - not interested in the pretentiousness of being "in the area" or making sure they do not wander away from a single monotonous hardcore beat.
^Yer Crazy' is notable for its inteligent sampling - taking the best lines from The Shining at
the same time as keeping the dance theme ticking along - "Hello, anybody here?". 'Mellowman', for me at any rate, is one of the best tracks to arrive this year. Tongue-in-cheek love song, an existential masterpiece.
Finitribe have the wonderful ability of grabbing you by the throat and gently, almost coaxingly, spiralling into their own world, a world of fast-vegan-food, egali-tarianism and "FiniFlex", life supporting structures somewhere in the middle ofTokyo Bay. By this time, the lights, smoke and projectors are in full force, creating what seems to be a different dimension on stage. 'lOr contains the
element of the networking band - "Bass, can you hear me?...Loud and clear". 'Forevergreen' has about 5 versions on album, but they only manage to do one tonight, though which one it was is your guess.
By the time the fi nale is upon us, most people don't know where the time has gone, andhow the hell does their Tardis fit half of the audi-ence in it? The last number tonightis an awesome 'An Unexpected Groovy Treat', true, though I would say that the evening was expected and tht the stage crew on the night were on top form .(Shut up, Dave - RH)
Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy
A conversation: Grandad Bloom and Mimsy Neroids once again ponder matters relating or not to the music business. This week, a visit to the Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy...
electronically distorted larly on the new, softer.
Grandad: And what a star-studded night it was too, Mimsy.
Mimsy: Indeed it was. Grandad. Before you even arrived, the "retired" Sinead O'Connor had done a spot of backing vocals with support act Marxman and then proceded to stroll straight past me in a surprisingly diminutive manner - approximately 5'3', I would have said.
G: With a little glint in her Irish eyes?
M: Well, I'm not one to start rumours, but...
G: Can I just interject here to ask if Marxman were any good?
M: Certainly.
G: Were Marxman any good?
M: Woooo yeah, with a-radical socialist a-rapping and a-bass a-thumpity pumping. But as for stars, th ere was al so 'insanely-attractive-woman'. Not a celebrity as such, but she surely deserves to be.
G: Oh yes. And how can we forget: '"But, but, I can't seem to marry aggressive, hard beats to loud sampled guitars and
vocals", "Ah, you need Industrial Man - the LSE's very own, fresh in his new Consolidated top. Wouldn't be the same without him. Any more stars?
M: Apparently Billy Bragg is 'in the house', though we didn't see him; however, what with him and Hiphoprisy touring together in the U.S., and Bilbo being quoted on the Disposables' album, I wouldn't be at all sur-pri sed were he to be found skulking backstage hobnobbing a bit.
G: Hmm. But on to Hiphoprisy themselves. And I believe you wanted the words"mellowgroove" to feature quite prominently in this account?
M: Quite right, crumblie.
G: Might I ask for a few reasons why?
M: Because the groove really was very mellow, with a live drummer used more prominently than "sampled" beats, and a greater utilization than we have heard in the past of virtuoso jazz guitarist Charlie Hunter, particu-
mellower, groovier version of 'Socio-genetic experiment', a songin which African, Native American, Irish and German singer Michael Franti bemoans hissometimesfeeling'like a prejudiced community's token of infection'. Funky stuff, with a message for us all - not unlike 'Star Trek, the next generation', really.
G:Yes Mimsy, stick to the point. Anyway, I can seem to remember wanting to make a point about the numerous percussion sections. In addition to the drummer, we had the miraculous Mr. Hunter, who seemed to be able to produce via his seven-stringed, sloping fretted guitar sm-o-o-o-th lead playing, bass, beats and the like, all at the same time. And then we had cute, bouncing Rono -rapper, dancer, DJ, mime arti st, climber, h itting out the rhythm on and with anything he picked up: wheel rims, angle grinders, chains, steel sheets, spanners, scaffolding... hell, the unconventional li'l guy even used bongos.
Not bad for a feller who's at least a foot shorter th an his partner in rhyme, Mr. Franti.
M: And on top of all th ese interweavinggrooves,you have Mr. Hunter's guitar, Franti's fast and "Frantic" rapping, Rono's running, Sister Sledge singalongs, television trashing, political polemics, Dead Kennedys covers, morality musings, calls to black consciousness, capitalist corporations crappingon thekids, the vacuousness of vanity and HIV worries..
G: Ah, you mean 'We are family', 'Television, drug of a nation', 'Satanic Reverses', 'California
G: IJh huh momma. M: Yup. But as a postscript, I'd like to say that I found it ironic that Hiphoprisy, a rap/hiphop group have yet to break through to a black audience. Tonight's crowd were conspicuous by their predominantly whiteness.
G: Mmm, but the fact that the white audience were genuinely listening to songs like 'Amos n' Andy' goes to show that people are beginning to realise that racism is a White problem -
M: Careful, Grandad, that last statement was almost ambiguous.
G: Sorry, I didn't mean it to be. Furthermore, Hiphoprisy are a hiphop
Uber Alles', 'Language of band who have gone be-violence', 'Famous and yond the Public Enemy
dandy, like Amos n' Andy', all of the above, 'Financial Leprosy' and 'Positive', respectively.
M: Yes, that's right. Not that I was particularly studying the titles, of course - too busy a-dancing, a-jumping, a-singing, a-leaming and a-assimilating. Hubba hubba, what an enjoyable yet stangely educational evening we two had.
blueprint of addressing mainly 'black' issues, and have therefore not fallen into tha trap of alienating much of their potential audience.
M: That's enough of the social comment. Grandad, this is a music review.
G: Okay.
Join our friends next week for another interesting conversation with a musical theme. Bye Bye.
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
13 Music
TAKE COVER!!
The Raith Rovers Fan Club presents the A-to-Z of the worst cover versions all time.
The world is full of unsolved mysteries, e.g.:
Why do no buses come for an hour and then two come at once?
Why is "Dangermouse" on at 6.25 in the morning?
Why isn't Lee Harvey Oswald in the Lee jeans ad?
However, the most puzzling, as yet unsolved question is:
WHY DO CRAP BANDS DO COVER VERSIONS?
There are many theories:
1) As tribute to someone who they regard as "influential". 2) Their own songs are shite.
3) Cynical marketing/publicity stunt to revive a flagging career,
or 4) All of the above.
What follows is not a new theory, simply a list of some of the less-than-complimentary attempts that have occurred. Most are fairly recent - a reasonable indication to the standard of today's pop music.
Talentless scouse morons.
RICK ASTLEY - WHEN I FALL IN LOVE The oldest trick in the book - wait until someone is dead before insulting them. Poor old Nat 'King^ Cole was probably doing 45 rpm as well, if you get my drift!
MICHAEL BOLTON -
SITTING ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY Oh dearie me. As above only much much worse. This really was quite unforgivable. The greatest soul moment of all time ruinedby the greatest lack of talent on Earth. Out there, I hope, someone has a bullet with Mr. Bolton's name on it. It would not come as any great surprise to fin d out th at such a person mightbe related to Otis Redding.
CANDY FLIP STRWABERRY FIELDS FOREVER
Stoke's greatest contribution to popular music culture. Like the football team, its utter bollocks. Alex Thomason probably thinks it's great. Anyone who liked the Beatles probably doesn't, I'd guess.
JASON DONOVAN AS
TIME GOES BY Of all the countries in all the world he had to come to mine. Bastard. Let's hope the Aussies aren't going to try and remake the film too.
EAST SIDE BEAT -
RIDE LIKE THE WIND The Christopher Cross original was crap. East Side Beat achieved the nigh-on impossible and made it worse. Mind you, I bet 2 Unlimited wish they were this good. THE FARM - DON'T YOU WANT ME Allegedly, there's a curse on the Farm. Good. Let's hope, then, that they meet with a really horrific accident. Like Phil Oakey with an Uzi, perhaps. Or a plane crash. Thinking
about it, the lives of several hundred innocent people is a small price to pay for the riddance of these buggers.
GUNS 'N' ROSES -KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR
As everyone knows, Bob Dylan had more talent in his little finger than Guns'n'Roses have in their entire bodies. The reason why over-rated AOR acts insist on taking the great man's superb compositions and murdering them in such fashion is beyond me. But, hey, Bob's probably got some really good drugs, man, so I shouldn't think he's too bothered! HOTHOUSE FLOWERS - I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW Johnny Nash's classic gets the full treatment from the only band ever to launch a whole career from that little 'spot' between the 'songs' and the votes at the Eurovision Song Contest.
Liam Hothouse Bastard
BILLY IDOL - L A.
WOMAN
Just 'cos you got a bit part in the movie doesn't give you any right to sing the songs, William. I'd have thought Chris Spedding's "Motor biking" or The Primitives' "Crash" would have been a little more apt.
ELTON JOHN - LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS
He's a good lad, our Elton. Giving all his royalties to AIDS charities. Has any-
one ever thought where a sizeable chunk of his fortune might go from his will? Exactly. Do your bit for the world, someone. K.W.S. - PLEASE DON'T GO
Please do. Fuck ofF. This abominable reworking of a similarly useless KC and the Sunshine Band track was allegedly a plea to Des Walker not to leave Nottingham Forest for Sampdoria. Well, if he hadn't already made up his mind to take the devil's lira, I'm sure hearing this persuaded him. JOHNNY LOGAN - I'M NOT IN LOVE lOcc's massive hit couldn't even crack the top 50 for Eurovision double-winner Johnny. That, I think, shows justhow shite it is, because the two songs appalling enough to win the contest got to Nos. 1 and 2.
JAMIE J. MORGAN -
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
Aural smegma. I shouldn't think Lou Reed's too both -ered about pissy little photograph ers-turn ed-sing-ers covering his records because he can make better noises through his ringpiece.
JIMMY NAIL - LOVE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
Brickie retard hopelessly croons Rose Royce's smash. ThankGodhe only brings out records every 7-or-so years. With any luck he'll have been mown down by a joyrider in Meadow Well or somewhere by 1999. ROY ORBISON I DROVE ALL NIGHT It baffled me, this. "'BigO' covers Cyndi Lauper hit from beyond the grave" -sounds like something from the Sunday Sport. This also has that little nob-cheese from Beverly Hills 90210 in the video, so it's definitely crap.
THE POWER STATION
- GET IT ON Marc Bolan,hero to agen-eration, died for you, you tossers. Why didn't you just go and desecrate his grave, eh? Real cack, but then, what do you expect from ex-members of Duran Duran?
QUIET RIOT CUM ON FEEL THE NOIZE This was released on 3rd December 1983 and got to number 45. Actually, I've never heard it, but it was the only one under 'Q'. Slade performed the original, and there's an old saying: "You can't polish a turd!"
My name is Prince
RIVER CITY PEOPLE
- CALIFORNIA DREAMING
AcoverofThe Mamas and the Papas' best effort seems fairly plausible, until you take out all the harmonies to render it completely insipid. Ten rouds of sarnies for our Scouse pals. Eat 'em and choke, you twats. SIMPLE MINDS - SIGN 0' THE TIMES Christ, this is worse than just about anything else. Jim Kerr really excelled himselfhere. Prince probably couldn't quite believe this. How do you take such a brilliant song and make it so bloody shit? Patsy Ken sit probably helped him out, I reckon. TIFFANY - I SAW HIM STANDING THERE She changed the title too, daft prat. Th i s sort of tosh is the reason why some states of the USA still retain th death penalty, you know. Where is she now?
UNDERCOVER
BAKER STREET This is a very very very crap record. But whether, when you're so close to the nadir of popular music, it's worse than Gerry Rafferty's original is debatable.
VANn.I^ ICE - PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC Wild Cherry's masterpiece is almost unrecognisable after a real tonking from our least favourite BMX rider. How one creature can exude such a complete and total lack of any ability whatsoever, save for mastur-batinghis ego incessantly, is beyond me. This makes (MC) Hammer look like a musical genius. I think that says it all, really. BRUCE WILLIS - RESPECT YOURSELF Someone should have told Mr. Receded Hairline to stick to acting. Sadly, The Kane Gang are probably better than him at that, as well.
(E)XTREME - LOVE OF MY LIFE
A band that openly admits to thefact that Queen have been a "major influence" on their career can only be a bunch of hopeless wankers and this...erm..."tribute" really does serve to confirm my worst suspicions. Still, it's better than anything they've written themselves, but that's not too tough, is it?
YELL! - INSTANT REPLAY
Dan Hartman's trashy 70s drivel gets the Stock Aitken Waterman workover. Everyone hates both versions but this is probably marginally worse.
LENA ZAVARONI - MA
HE'S MAKING EYES AT ME
Thegirl from the chippy in Rothesay gets her vocal chords round this Johnny Otis Show oldie. I
bet she's better at peeling spuds. A childhood deep-fat fryer accident and we would neverhave had any "Lena Zavaroni Christmas Specials". A pity, that.
Great Otis Redding
HONOURABLE MENTIONS...Band Aid II - Do they know it's Christmas?...Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine -This ishow it feels...Kylie Minogue - Tears on my pillow...Simply Red...If you don't know me by now...Take That - It only takes a minute...Rage -Run to you...Deacon Blue
-	The Bacharach and David EP...Erasure - The Abba-esque EP...Bjorn Again - Erasure(ish)...The Mission - Like a hurricane...Snap - Oops upside your head...and, I nearly forgot...anything by the bloody Pasadenas!
DEFINITELY WORTH LISTENING
TO...Fatima Mansions -Shiny happy people...The Shamen - Purple haze...The Beautiful South - Girlfriend...Tori Amos - Smells like teen spirit...Lawnmower Deth
-	Kids in America...The Stranglers - Walk on by...Rapeman - Just got paid...The Jesus andMary Chain -Surfin'USA...The Wedding Present - (Come up and see me) Make me smile...Saint Etienne -Only love can break your heart...The Fall - There's aghostin my house...and, th e greatest ever.. .KEVIN THE GERBIL - SUMMER HOLIDAY...well, Ibought it, anyway!
14 Classifieds
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
WE'RE HUNTING HEADS FOR BORNEO
10 Adventurers required for our first lateral trans-Borneo expedition. Recent full hinterland reconnaissance proves plan realistic. 25 day expedition starts 22 March 93. Details Encounter Overland on 071-370-6951.
ADVISOR TO WOMEN STUDENTS.
Rose Rauchman, Room A271 (Ext 7351) offers a "walk-in" service for women students who wish to discuss any issue causing concern. The advisor will offer advice and support for a wide range of problems and encourage students to seek guidance when appropriate from other sources.
All information is confidential. No action is taken unless requested by the student.
HOURS: Tuesday 10-llam, Friday l-2pni.
CAMPAIGN AGAINST HOMELESSNESS
organised by the LSE Liberal Democrats. For the rest of the term there will be a box in the SU Cafe where old clothes or other items suitable to be given to the homeless can be left.
Please give anything you can. All items donated will be given to homeless people who need them.
JAPANESE LESSONS
on Wednesdays 2-4pm in XI32 for beginners on Friday 2-3.3()pm in E196 for intermediates.
ACCOMMODATION AVAILABLE
ACCOMODATION AVAILABLE IN LSE HOUSING
Butler's Wharf
One place for a male student in a double room: £40.88 per week.
One Single Room: £57.40 per week.
Silver Walk
Three places in double rooms with en-suite
bathroom:£49.50 per week.
LSE Housing Association House
One place in a single room in the LSE Housing
Association House in Mile End: £220 per
month.
For further details contactthe Central Accomodation Office: Room E296
LSE Central Accomodation Office
Are you still interested in obtaining LSE Accomodation for next term?
If you wish to be considered for any vacancies in the residences please register your details with the Central Accomodation Office: Room E296.
FABIAN SOCIETY
Austin Mitchell, MP
will address the Fabian Society on 1st December at 1 pm.
Venue to be announced.
ALL WELCOME!
Private tuition in French and German given by qualified teacher.
Just call Paul on 071-486 8185 Monday - Sunday 10-12 and 19-21
ORAL SECTS PROMOTIONS PRESENTS A QUEER
FASHION SHOW
Rubber, leather, sports, disco, toys, C&W, and lots more.
ALSO STARRING
The Fabulous Brendas with Musical Vaudelville Kinny Gardner and DJ Funki G
in support of London Lesbian And Gay Centre
FRIDAY 4th DECEMBER,
The Quad.
Tickets priced £5/£3 Contact Mel Taylor, 071 955 7609
The Latin American Society and Club 64 present A Christmas Party at the Wag,
35 Wardour St., off Leicester Square Tuesday December 8th. 10pm to 3am
THE INFAMOUS GEOGRAPHY XMAS PARTY
WED. 2nd DECEMBER FREE BEER, CIDER AND WINE!
ALL NIGHT
Quad and Underground £5.00 in advance £6.50 on the door
LSE Drama Society proudly presents.
A CHEKHOV COMEDY NIGHT
Three one-act comedies
The Bear A Jubilee Swansong
Tuesday 1 st December Wednesday 2nd December
Old Theatre 8.00pm Tickets : £2.00
THE BEAVER CLASSIFIEDS
To advertise,
contact James in the Beaver office
iliiiiiiiiii
Ext 2870.
Copy date: Wednesday noon.
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
Grub Up!
Kit Fordham goes in search of culture at Jimmy's in Soho
Asked to write an article for the Beaver Food Page I trundled off in search of a suitable restaurant. Soho is a favourite and oldhunting ground of mine; an even older hunting ground for royalty in the fourteenth century who together with their upper crust retinue first coined the phrase "Soho!" while chasing something warm and furry for supper. No difference today although perhaps one could say that Charles' Camilla is neither so furry nor so filling as a roast deer.
There are dozens of restaurants in Soho and I don't pretend to h ave been to all of them. But I will guarantee that to fin done which will always have as great an atmosphere as Jimmy's whichever day you go is not so easy. It is situated at the heart of Soho, next to Bar Italia and opposite Ronnie Scott's Jazz Club all on Frith St W.l. Many people walk past its awning and street board as a result of other attractions. Those who don't and make their way down the creaky staircase towards this basement restaurant can rightly assume themselves to be part of a gastronomically knowledgeable elite (overstated..well perhaps).
Once you enter you will be welcomed by one of the
excellent, though slightly decrepit waiters. Their affable and relaxed manner is mirrored in their service, which is appropriately timed so as to be neither too quick ,a la Win-Kei, nor so slow that your pre-prandial chatting (snogging - ed) is interrupted by gurgling noises emanating from of one of your assemble starving hoard. It is now that you appreciate the authentic Greek Cypriot atmosphere - strange folk music and walls adorned with suitably Hellenistic memorabilia. Do not waste too much time drinking in the ambiance when you can be instead be using your time more constructively by swigging one of the excellent wines.
In choosing your table there is really no need to be too selective unless you are with a group of people. In this case you should try to get one of the alcoves, which will lend a special aura of superiority to your party. In choosing your food be a little more fastidious though not to an absurd degree. Basically avoid the mousakka otherwise you are okay with the rest. Definitely have a starter. Of particular note are the hummus, taramasalata (both with pitta bread) and the kalamari. These can be all the more excellent if you have a
delicious bottle of retsina with which to excite and refresh the palate in between-mouthfuls. If by yourself or with a non-drinker you can orderhalf a bottle leaving money to have some red with the main course later on. These are traditionally straightforward and will certainly involve lamb or beef, wh eth er it be kleftico (lambon thebone),stifado or even a kebab. Th ey will also, without doubt, be tasty, quite remarkably filling and can be perfectly complimented by any one of the red wines. Of these the Othello is a good example of the full, smoky yet intrinsically small Cypriot villagey nature present in each glass of the passionately, blood red Moorish inspired wine.
However full you may be at this stage of your meal do not squander the opportunity of having a baklava and a filfa. The formeris a compact sticky pastry which contains nuts and is probably the only thing that might bring your taste buds to orgasm. So that your throat may share in these pleasures I strongly recommend the latter, which is Greek Cointreau. Now you are presented with a catch-22 situation. Do you stay to h ave a th i ck sweet Greek cofFee and finish up the evening on a Hedonistic (Hellenistic)
note or do you pay up and head ofFto the fashionable coffee bar par excellence Bar Italia?
As regards the cost of such a soiree, without detailingthe price of each dish it can be said that starters are roughly £2-£3, main courses around £5 and deserts up to £3 with coffee £1 ish.
AMAZING COMPETITION
Well readers, or rather those than live near Camberwell. We are giving away two discount cards that promise £5.00 offthe total bill for a table of two in the evening and 50% discount for lunch hour. Isn'tthatjustbloody wonderful. So get those A-Z'soutandyoutoocould be sharing a table with J Bradburn and pals down south east way. Just send your entries, with your name, to room E197 and the largest donation will win!
Questions:
Where does Dundee cake come from?
How many times is custard served in the evenings in the cafeteria?
What is in beef stew?
Is there any crab in crab sticks?
How many lagers are sold in the Three Tuns?

How many bowls of custard are served here in the evening? (Here's a clue. Steve usually has three of them!)
-15 Food & Drink
I Don't
want to go to Chelsea
Thorsten Moos visits the Chelsea Kitchen( without his camera)
After heated debates at the editors' meeting on whether or not it is possible to get a decent meal for under a tenner, I decided to venture out to Chelsea to try this restaurant/ cafe. Conveniently located on King's Road ( Tube: Sloane Sq.) Chelsea Kitchen seemed an ideal place for a cheap meal after stretch ing the overdraft at the Harrods Sale.
The decorum is basic with pine tables and tiled floors. Unfortunately, it is impossible to look out on King's Road, as the cash till blocks the view. Quiet alcoves in th e basement are therefore th e better option.
The menu features the usual such as Avocado Vinaigrette (£1.30) or Salade Nicoise (£1.80) for starters. Main dishes include typical fry-ups but also Chicken Chasseur (£3.10) and Veal Escalope with Marsala Sauce (£3.70). After a brief look - the menu is not very long -1 decided for the Chicken Mayonnaise Salad (£3.10) and the Scampi Fritters (£3.80).
The food arrived quickly. The Salad resembled a chicken drowned in mayonnaise. The mayonnaise was of the heavy industrial type (?) with liberal addings of preservatives. V arious vegetables garnished the salad. The portion was large and the remaining ingredients seemed fresh. The Scampi Fritters with chips were crunchy and pleasantly grease-free. Nevertheless I am still wondering whether Birdseye had somethingto do with catchingthe Scampi. I shall never be able to understand what the mushy peas are for, but such is life. The presentation of the food could have been vastly improved by servingon larger plates. The mushy peas could be found under a pile of chipswhich in turn were completely hidden under a helping ofTartare sauce. The salad completely covered a tiny plate, seriously restricting manouvering space. The service was fast and efficient, even though there was a change of shift the new waitress took over^ without any of the orders getting lost.
If you think I am panning the place until now you are probably right. Nevertheless the excellent cakes and puddings helped to reconcile. I had a generous helping of Apple Crumble with hot custard (80p) with a very good cappucino (65p). To sum it up, stuff yourself with cake and coffee and try to get above the minimum charge of £2.50.
CHELSEA KITCHEN 98 King's Road SW6 Tube: Sloane Square
Open: Mon-Sat 8am>llpm; Sun 12>11.30pm
AtJNTIE FLO'S QUICK TIP Those of you who have the misfortune to live at Rosebeiy please take note; the newly ] installed Mi<arowave ovens arc INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH. Therefore if you want to bake a cake or roa^t some chicken, don't cook it at 100%, otherwise whatever you^re cooking will 63tplode. As for Jimmy Trees, STOP COOKING HIS MEALU HE'S OLB ENOUGH TO LOOK AFTER HIMSELF.
The Beaver, 30th November 1992
KINGS 4THS.. 1 LSE 5THS .— 2
Despite being drawn (again) against a side two divisions above us, the "piss-up team" of LSE once more showed grit and determination on the field to pull offa fabulous victory. In a tight first half we more than held our ground with some lovely balls, although required an Alan ("throatie") clearance oflF the line and a couple of smart saves from Berni ("Inn") to keep the scores nil-nil at the half. Sean ("the perv") and C.Robbo ("Han Solo") battled the midfield well, and were ably supported from the rear by Michael ("get the offender") and G.Robbo ("you P*ing donkey"), coupled with Richard P., surely the most mobile defence in LSE.
Butit was shortly after thebreak when we really got moving when, after a sliced shot from Maher ( it was a pass,honest"), Richard ("Tubby") L. screamed a low powerful shot passed everyone. More was to come, when, after a corner, Chetun ("How's my hair?") and Maher got in each others way before C.Robbo fired home via a wicked deflection passed the hapless Kings 'keeper.
Kings came back strong, and it took some great
i maining scraps of flesh hanging off the bones of the tackling and battlingby all to restrict them to the one i last historian foolish enough to consider the Fabians screamer they got w>th fifteen nimutes ^ go- ensunng irelevant to British political history. Harry, unper- a few ha,ry moments towards the final whistle. Kmgs
s Harry is sometimes prone to doing as he heats his final Chicken, Mushroom and ^ Mackerel pie of the day, up to optimum i temperature and marine pungency, he lurks through ^ I the lonely, dank and faintly fishy Beaver archive I chambers; deep beneath Aldwych tube station. En ter-j ing this dungeon- like legacy of Sidney "Special Brew" : Webb, Harry happens upon the rats and cockroaches which are still eeking out an existence from the re
i turbed by the slime and dirt, commonplace around i Houghton Street, marches boldy onward.
showed themselves sporting by allowing us to re-sub after Mark ("ow, my f*king ankle") had to leave the
HaWhas„ev;rbe.„.„e.ogivethe.to.ofS.d„e,
the best part of the performance was in the bar(s) later, when 9 men showed for the after-game piss-up. Predictably the Robbo's led till the end, finishing in
"Beaver sports christmas spot-the-ball'
i Webb the respect let alone admiration often accorded ito him by lilly livered armchair socialists moping i around in unmanly wine bars in that pit of all ihumanity:High Street Kensington, So, since sport is i all he knows and all he cares for Harry thumbs i through the sports archive and is drawn to the entries I for November 30 1967. This week, indeed this very I day, 25 years ago.
Many of you are no doubt familiar with the original ; and funny exploits of The West London Institute of ; Sport. They are known throughout the developed i world as amongst the most unimaginative and so-Icially impaired of all tribal groups. Following an I admittedly poor showing from certain unofficial ad-I ministrators in the Athletics Union the aesthetes I from "West London" took the Osterley Express straight i to the Tuns and proceeded to be their original and I funny selves threatening non-Rugby playing male I and female drinkers and causing criminal damage. In i sum the "Pride of West London" showed how really Iwell qualified they are to become teachers in the ; schools which our children will go to, government ; reforms willing.
i To continue, the archive which Harry happened to I start reading was concerned with the events of a i certain LSE Darts trip to Moscow arranged with the ; help of an affiliate member from Oxford University.
iThe "Darts-Soviet" as it was then called back in the ; heady days of Cliff Richard, Bobby Charlton and i Nobby "I don't jump over" Stiles had arranged to play ; with some of the best teams from all over Russia, and i to go on guided tours of the largest beetroot and potato i processing plants in the world . The funding for the
i trip had been arranged by William, the member from Lgg marked their fifth i Oxford, who would only say that his links in certain jgague win of the season i sections of the Russian Foreign Office had proved	^ feast of goals
; most generous. Harry s attention could not be taken agaipg^^yigii'lowly placed I from the faded back copies of the Beaver even to get rivals from across the ibacktothekitchenandlowerthelightonhismackerel strand. The 4th eleven pie, such was his excitement. Harry began to realise, quickly established su-as he read on about the heroes of the LSE Darts Soc in premacy, though their the 1960's, that the goings on then were not as inno- unusually fiuent passing ; cent as the Beaver cuttings implied. What he was	was hindered by an
i reading about and is now putting before the LtSE is the, atrocious playing surface, ; smoking gun that never was. In the Beaver archives, which resembled an i for 25 years, had been the evidence to prove the, now: outsized cow-pat. Even so, i President Elect, Bill Clinton's links with the KG.B.. ggmie and Ben Griffiths iAs Harry read on in the fading light, under the scored the goals to give |; rumbling Tube trains, he began to sweat knowing he (.^g g-jg advantage [had in his hands the means to destroy the most ^j^gy would never relin-; powerful man on earth.	, . : .	, quish. A lapse in concen-
|- When Harry had finished his pieCwith sauce) he' tration allowed Kings to I returned to the archive to retrieve the edition of the g^ore but a fine move su-; Beaver with the names and dates about the Darts Soc pgrbly finished by Runa i triptoM6scoW,heintendedtotakeittoJohn Ashwoiih Scarfstein restored the ; without delay. What should he find on his return to g^gi lead.
I the archive but an empty desk arid no smoking gun.The -pj^g beginning of the I terrible 1;rUth: was tfiat thesecond half saw a fiicker ifrom outfeide the M25(West London) had stolen what'Qf ^ fight-back, with a icould haye been the most: important edition of the Kings penalty reducing I Beaver Since that a)veririjg the relief of : Mafeking. j.|^g	yet this was a
i J.F.K; ofcourse would never have got caughtin print, f^^gg ^awn. A cascade of
goals followed, as LSE's
- ¦ 16 Sport
Grunting
Thirds
Excrete
Holloway
Turds.
LSE 3'rd XI..............3
RHBNC 2'ndXI........1
Glory days are back again for the universally acknowledged best team at the LSE ("I agree"-Andy Clasper). For those who aren't in the know, we are in the middle ofthe fourth division. RHBNC 2'ndXI are top ofthe firstdivision and are the cup-holders. So we beat them. This truly top-notch performance was in no small part due to the contribution of Andrew Graveson, who rarely in the past has made so few
errors in defence orsquan-

Photo; Steve East
KINGS 6THS 2 LSE 4THS 9
LSE...34 Surrey...l9 LSE...43 QMW...26
LSE Women's Basketball team, despite only being able to select ten players from a talented squad of fourteen and having to leave out some quality players, taught Surrey and QMW a few lessons and in the process avenged defeats from last season. Surrey cancelled a tournament without telling us, so we turned up and challenged them to a friendly which we thoroughly dominated with our rigorous early season practice yielding dividends in the fitness and disci-
pline departments.
inventive forward play repeatedly sliced open a truly ropey Kings rearguard. Two strikes by Bemie (Mussolini), completed a notable h at-trick, and there were further goals from Ben (Taffy), Nburu (Wright), Laurie (philosopher of the Mersey) and Mark Twite [shurely twat?-Ed2|.
After an exceptionally bright start to the campaign hopes are high in the 4th team that this season will have a silver lining. It would be just re ward for the overall skill and commitment found throughout the squad.
Laurence Ryan

Against QMW an emphatic blow was dealt with a good team performance, especially the strong defence, keeping QMW pretty much under control, although atone stage in the middle of the game they snatched a short lived lead. With great re silience we bounced back and ran away with it, to become LSE's only undefeated team. Thanks: Ornit, Alexia, Anda, Ragna, Jeanine, Amy, Silke, Sarah, Natassa, Isabel and Annabel. (Are these in any particular order Paul? -Ed).
Paul Blunden
dered so few chances. Other notables included Beharall whoissurelyone of the best linesmen in the New Maiden area, and Whitehall whose lack of pace is more than made up for by his sheer volume. Evan Nuttall pulled off some stunning saves and didn't punch one centre-forward, whilst Jurgenson proved he can play without being drunk (although this was video evidence as he was absolutely trousered at the time). However, unless you score you can only draw and two Euros did the business. Arnold Newman slipped one gracefully past the 'keeper,	and
unsurprisingly Christian the WonderDonkey claimed two. His second was actually "a little bit special", as he is particularly fond of reminding people given half a chance. One more player demands special reference, Alun Ho ward on his debut. This lad has pace and grace, style and guile, and most importantly a northern accent. He also now has a disciplinary record for committing a heinous foul on one of the RHBNC unfortunates. Enough said; the thirds are the best team at the LSE and anyone who says they aren't is smelly (except for anyone who says that and is harder than me, who are fiorallyfragrant). p.s. Just in case you hadn't heard, Dave Rich was captain.
Andrew Graveson.