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BRITISH LIBRARY OF POLIIICAL 8 ECONOMIC SCIENCE
PuLSE: AIMING TO ENTERTAIN - SEE PAGE 23
The Beaver
The Newspaper of the LSE SU
Harry Potter opens a whole can of whoop-ass on his secret chamber - page 20
First Published 5 May 1949

Blink remembers the LSE of the 80s compared to
the school of today "
- page 9 ^ -
12 November 2002
Issue number 565
NUS President Welcomes LSE's Backing - Page 6
STRIKE!
LSE faces shudown this Thursday
TIRED OF T'
iSAk.i:
nR£0 OF THf
T1RE0

unison ^ mmor

How the School will look on Thursday
Michael Bourke
The LSE faces severe disruption this Thursday when lecturers and support staff will strike in support of their claim for better pay., hoping to "effectively close the School for business".
Both of the major campus unions, the Association of University Teachers (AUT) and the public sector union UNISON, received overwhelming support for industrial action from their members. The strikers are demanding an increase in London weighting, the extra money paid to workers in the capital to compensate for its higher cost of living.
This payment has been frozen at £2134 for a decade. Over the same period house prices in
London have risen by a staggering 155% and other living costs have also risen considerably. The strike, which will affect all of London's higher education institutions, was precipitated by the decision of London's higher education employers to propose an 11th year of the freeze. The unions are campaigning for the weighting to be increased to £4000, a sum they point out is "£2000 less than the police and not as much as health workers get."
Chris Husbands, LSE AUT President, told the Beaver "We're
striking with great sadness but the depth of feeling on the London weighting issue leaves little alternative to some dramatic form of action."
His feelings were echoed by Rob Traynor, Branch Secretary of LSE UNISON
, . ,	, .. who told the
higher education, Beaver, we in students will be hit no way want to
hurt students but unless something is done to stop the erosion of pay in higher education, students will be hit too." He explained "In some departments, staff turnover is running at as much as 50% per
"We in no way want to hurt students but unless something is done to stop the erosion of pay in
too."
- LSE UNISON
year. Unless something is done the end result wiU be a transient staff lacking experience and expertise. Inevitably this will mean a poorer service for students."
The strike has received the official backing of LSESU. At last Thursday's UGM a motion of support for the action was passed by a clear majority. The motion called on LSE staff and students to stand united for increased government funding of universities and mandated the LSESU General Secretary, Tuuli Kousa, to write to the School's Director in support of the strikers.
Speaking after the meeting Kousa said, "The success of the motion shows that students are prepared to stand behind the people who provide their education...the students have spoken and the SU will follow their lead."
Chris Husbands welcomed the UGM's decision. He said, "I'm very pleased to have the endorsement of the Students' Union. It shows that students are aware that the quality of the education which they receive is degraded by LSE's failure to make any realistic allowance for the high cost of living and working in London."
Justifying the School's position, Director Anthony Giddens cited the cost implications of raising London weighting to £4000. Writing exclusively in today's Beaver he expresses "sympathy" with poorly paid staff but explains "Doubling the present rate of London Allowance to £4000...would only mean an increase of £40 per week
for each member of staff but would add about £3million to our pay bill per year" His view seems to be indicative of the opinion of many other heads of higher education institutions in London, who ai^e that in the absence of increased government funding the unions' claims are impossible to meet from already overstretched budgets.
However, Professor Giddens' own salary has been cited by the normally mod-
"Doubling the present rate of London Allowance... would only mean an increase of £40 per week for each member of staff but would add about £3m to our pay bill per year."
- Professor Giddens
erate national AUT leadership as an example of	the
"hypocrisy" of higher education "fat cats" who receive generous cost-of-living allowances but refuse to give them to lower paid staff. Professor Giddens was paid £160 000 in 2000/2001 and according to the Time Higher Education Supplement he was awarded a pay rise of 10.3% in that year. Even this considerable salary is dwarfed by the pay packet of Sir Richard Sykes, Rector of Imperial who received £242 000 in 2000/2001 plus free accommodation in Central London. Sir Richard is fast becoming the man both staff and students love to hate - he is already deeply unpopular with some following his proposal to levy top-up fees of £10 500.
The AUT claims that, on average, Heads of Institutions in London are paid £136 000 compared with £120 00 for those outside of it. This amounts, it argues, to a de facto London weighting of £16 000, almost eight times that paid to Thursday's striker. Sally Hunt, AUT General Secretary, said, "At Continued on page 2 Editorial page 7
Inside; b:link mixs morroco with monarchy bashing, 8-13; b:art merges rock'n'roll with bowling 14-23; sports report magical displays, 24-28
Page 2
Tuesday 12th November
A-level crisis "A storm in a teacup" - UCAS Chief
Phillip Nielsen & Tom Jenkin
A RECURRING feature of the ,A-levels scandal' seems to be the reduction of numbers. Results of 91,545 candidates were reviewed, 1,945 students had their grades changed and 168 were eligible to change courses with all but 15 declining to accept the offer. A mere four of them will be doing so this year; three actually changing universities, one his course at the same institution. Twelve will start at a new university next year and eight gained access to universities due to their upgraded marks.
So, was it worth all the trouble and excitement? Tony Higgins, chief of UCAS said: 'We were extremely disappointed that many people sought to fuel the situation with exaggerated forecasts. Words like storm and teacup come to mind'. He also expressed his sorrow over the loss of
former Secretary of State for Education Estelle Morris and of Sir William Stubbs, former chairman of the Qualifications and Curriculum Authority saying that Morris 'cared most passionately about education' and that Stubbs was 'one of the best administrators the education system has known'.
His ments anger affected regarding fiasco. David Woodhead,
director of the Independent Schools Council, said:
teacup. The fact that there were as many re-gradings as there were demonstrates that". And he is not the only person who will feel outraged by the trivialisation of the event. The needless anxiety will have made the transition from school to university even more daunting than necessary for those students involved, not to mention Messers Morris and Stubbs. It also does not address the question of how the whole business of grade fixing could have occurred in the first place.
Nonetheless, the fact that the whole debacle has been reduced to a change in course for only ten per cent of those affected will be greeted by universities with a sigh of "It wasn't just a	relief. At least they won't
storm in a Morris: No wonder she looks upset...	^
com-could those by the
influx of additional students. The news will also be of some comfort to the new Education Secretary Charles Clarke, already facing heavy criticism over the proposed introduction of top-up fees. But unfortunately for him, this is not the end of the affair: ousted QCA boss Sir William Stubbs is suing the government for wrongful dismissal. There is already talk of Morris and senior department civil servants facing subpoenas to give evidence.
There is also the question of what will happen to those students now starting to start university next year due to the 'a-levels crisis' in case top-up fees are going to be introduced? Do they have to pay this year's or next year's fees?So, there is room at least for one more a-lev-els article to make sure it won't be forgotten next year.
Beaver Strike Briefing
The Beaver offered both sides in the fortcoming strike 400 words to explain themselves toLSE's students. Here's what they had to say.
The Strikers Speak	The Director's Cuts
Chris Husbands, President of LSE AUT and Rob Traynor,	Prof. Giddens, Director of LSE, justifies the Schools position
Branch Secretary of LSE UNISON explain why they feel	and suggest lobbying the Government.
striking is the only option they have left.
A message to the Students of the London School of Economics and Political Science:
AS A student with coursework to do and lectures to attend, you may feel upset that the School will not be operating normally on Thursday 14 November. The very people who normally run it, academic staff and their academic support staff colleagues, will be on strike.
This action has been taken only with the greatest reluctance. The School's staff are not natural activists. However, they have been left with no alternative by the persistent refusal of the School (and almost all other higher education employers in the London area) to make any financial recognition of the fact that living and working in London are significantly more expensive than elsewhere in the country, and have become increasingly so in the past ten years.
The fact that London Weighting - the extra that is paid to those working in London - has in most higher-education institutions remained unchanged at £2,134 since 1992 is a slight to all those working there, including those in the School. As you will know, housing prices in London have spiralled upwards during the past ten years and travel costs have risen dramatically in the same period. Other workers - even those in the public sector such as teachers and the police -have seen increases in their own London Weighting payments in order to take some account of these higher costs. The university employers, including LSE, have consistently refused any such increase, arrogantly assuming that their employees would be eternally willing to accept this situation.
AUT and UNISON members have now given substantial majorities in secret ballots in favour of Thursday's strike action, such is the level of their frustration and
anger at how they have been treated.
The School's response to the claim for a relatively modest increase to £4,000 shows an incredibly blinkered attitude and an appalling degree of remoteness from the concerns of many of its employees. The annual cost to the School would, we are told, be £3 million a year, and it would mean an increase of 'only' £40 per week per person. Well, it may be news to the School, but a lot of UNISON and AUT members at lower ends of their pay scales would be extremely pleased to have an extra £40 per week, even if that were taxed.
Perhaps what is most pernicious about the School's unwillingness to pay increased London Weighting is that, as a same-sum across-the-board payment, it disproportionately helps the lower-paid. Complementarily, refusal to increase it disproportionately hurts the worst-off employees of the School.
Do please remember this and give your support to School staff striking for a simple recognition of the financial difficulties that they face!
The school is acutely aware that the cost of living in London may be a significant contributory factor to recruitment and retention in the capital and we sympathise with the difficulties that this must cause to many staff. Our position on London Allowance remains the same as it has been for some years.
If the School were to increase London Allowance even by a relatively small amount the cost for us an employer would be significant.
We would have to meet such an increase from our own resources (in the absence of any additional government funding for this purpose) and if we did, it would be necessary to consider where savings might be made from other School activities in order to do so. Doubling the present rate of London Allowance to 4,000 for example would only mean an increase of 40 per week for each member of staff
Continued from page 1
a time when people are increasingly concerned about the fat cat payments made to some senior managers,
vice-chancellors at London universities will clearly be seen as being hypocritical. The situation is quite frankly scandalous." Rob Traynor of LSE UNISON reinforced this view, pointing out that "£16 000 is more than some of our members annual salaries."
With the unions determined to press their case and London's vice-chancellors apparently equally convinced that it is financially impossible to meet their demands more strikes could well foUow Thursday's action. Although last minute hopes of a deal cannot be totally abandoned it seems probable that LSE stu-
but would add about 3m to our pay bill per year.
I have always taken the view that the position of staff working in London will only be improved by a significant increase in basic salaries for both academic and support staff. I would encourage all the trade unions to continue to lobby the Government as I do in order to achieve this aim.
dents will experience further dislocation to their studies. Indeed the next few months look likely to be increasingly fraught across the whole higher education sector On 4th December the National Union of Students hopes to bring thousands of students to London for its march against top-up fees. If, as anticipated by many, the government's funding review (now promised for "January 2003") proposes top-up fees there seems certain to be a further escalation in activism and campaigning on campus.
Against this backdrop of growing crisis the students' reaction wiU be crucial to determining the future of higher education in this country. Starting this Thursday, unions, vice-chanceUors and ministers will be pajdng close attention to places like the LSE.
More strikes loom as HE crisis deepens
Tuesday 12th November
¦ The Beaver News
Page 3
Houghton Street's views on whether Britain offers "best value" degrees
"Best Value" Degrees Incentive for Government to Implement Top-Up Fees?
"Absolutely - or at least LSE does. High quality teaching from world renowned experts at an affordable price."
Samantha Nicklin (Environmental Policy )
"Try telling that to the muppets at Strand Poly who'l end up at McDonalds."
Rex Walker (Government £t History)
""Certainly when compared with the cost of American universities. At LSE you get an internationally recognised degree for less money."
Ed Hutchings (IR a History)
""As far as teaching yes. but for ten grand a year the facilities are a joke."
Donny Surhani (Law)
Prashant Rao & El Barham_
In the midst of a major
debate going on nationwide over whether or not the Government should allow leading universities to charge top-up fees for all students, the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development	(OECD)
released its 10th annual study on education, making comparisons between 32 countries across all facets of education.
According to the study, students at UK universities receive the best personal 'rate of return' from their university education compared to students in any other industrialised country, prompting fears that the Government would use this study as an instrument to possibly promote a proposal submitted by 19 UK universities to charge top-up fees.
However, the study also shows that UK undergraduates contribute twice the OECD average towards their education. As NUS National President, Mandy Telford put it, echoing the feelings of student leaders nationwide, "UK students cannot be expected to bear any further costs. The introduction of top-up fees would force our students to cough up the most money just to attempt to better themselves."
The personal return statistic made its debut in this year's survey. It makes a comparison between the returns on investing the requisite amount of money in higher education as opposed to putting the money in a bank. In the end, a university education promised a better return in each of the 10 countries studied for the statistic, with the UK yielding the highest with a return of 17% - considerably higher than the OECD average of 11.8%.
According to Andreas Schleicher, head of the indicators and analysis division at the OECD's directorate of education, this was largely due to the fact that university degrees in the UK took less time (three to four years) than in other OECD countries, and also because dropout rates in the UK were among the lowest of the countries surveyed.
What is the NUS's response to the survey? According to NUS Press Secretary Dan Ashley, We don't want home students priced out of an education. Students shouldn't be denied acceptance on the basis of their financial situation."
The NUS has organised a mass demonstration on December 4th and also, upon the release of the govern-
ment's proposal regarding top-up fees, the NUS will call for a mass meeting in central London within 72 hours.
Meanwhile, in a separate development to the spiralling top-up fees argument, parents seem to have come to terms with the idea that universities need the extra cash, but are not sure how it should be raised.
In a survey commissioned by the Times Educational Supplement and conducted by YouGov, 77 per cent of the 1,530 parents that took part recognised that universities were under funded, but only 23 per cent believed that higher tuition fees were the answer. A mere 8 per cent supported the current capped fees and loans system.
Undergraduate fees are now fixed at £1,100, but the government is expected to raise this limit when it publishes its higher education document in January, as Ministers say that Britain's universities are in dire need of the extra money if they are to compete on an international level.
However, this is at odds with the view of the majority of parents who participated in the survey - 51 per cent of whom unsurprisingly would like to see the re-introduction of maintenance grants. Close to four in one parents believe that fees and loans should be reserved for students from 'better-off families' who can afford them. About half agree that the rest of the cash should be raised through some kind of graduate tax.
Yet despite this parental opposition, increased tuition fees continue to receive the support of the educational world, with two thirds of university vice-chancellors either backing them outright, or describing them as inevitable. 46 of them are in fact merely waiting for a favourable sign from the government, and are feverishly preparing to introduce higher tuition fees as soon as they get the go ahead.
Only 15 of the vice-chancellors canvassed for the survey claimed to be against higher fees, many of the voices of dissent coming from the other side of the Scottish boarder, where there is a different system of fees currently in place. The Scottish government currently pays students' tuition fees, with graduates contributing £2,000 to a bursary for poorer students when they start earning a salary.
This survey demonstrates they rift forming between the higher education system and the people who wish to use it.
Union Jack
To all intents and purposes this week's UGM appeared just like any other, but the ever vigilant Jack noticed a number of small anomalies that made him feel all upset and start formulating conspiracy theories, until he realised his pounding head and sweaty palms were ' probably the result of his excesses of the' night before.
Fudge's absence in particular caused great consternation amongst the rank and file of the balcony - mmour has it the disappointment of his recent election defeats have led him to spend whole afternoons whimpering outside the Union Shop's store rooms begging to be allowed to audit their stock.
Further oddities included jiggley jigg-ley dazzling Heather Blake performing on stage this week to a curiously silent balcony - Jack wonders if Little Miss Harvey has been wielding her hatchet again - the balcony brats aren't usually so well behaved, and also seem to have completely lost their aim: they surely can't have heeded the annual complaining letter in last week's Beaver about the travesty that usually passes for fairness and respect at the UGM?
It was a treat to see James Deaiman looking so sweetly smug as for the first time he sat in the Exec seats legitimately -Jack was beginning to think that his Union career was looking as sad as Loser Lewis', and seriously doubted he was ever destined to rise further than the dizzying heights of being BeUendi's tea boy. Jack has noticed with growing concern that Toiy sleaze seems to be rife in the Union this year -even with uber-sleaze Fudge's absence -but hopes that some good may yet come of it; the addition of Dearman to the Exec means they have even less of an excuse to allow the Trots and Swizz to continue to take over Union activities as they have been doing so far this term.
Jack felt let down when he realised that standards are dropping once again at the UGM; the Union Bell was conspicuous by its absence this week - Jack thought the question was dead and buried since Lee finally got off the sofa to bring it back - but it seems that protocol has once again been flagrantly flouted, Bellendi claiming that he had far too much to do with Akela being away to bother with such childish shenani-geins. It appears her secretary has been having a few too many tea breaks, and so our poor Pleasurer has had to do more than just play with all the toys he gets as bribes from sponsors.
He was baffled to see the Sabbs backing a motion from the Madway camp supporting strikers and offering messages of solidarity at picket lines, but all became clear to Jack when he leamt that London weighting for Unison and AUT members would mean a nice fat pay increase for certain individuals present at the UGM - a true meeting of communist and capitalist values!
And finally, although readers may not quite appreciate Jack's fondness for the Coat Peg Motion, they surely cannot help but agree with him that its appearance on the order paper at last is a most welcome event, and hopes they vnll allow UGM business to proceed smoothly and swiftly this week so that the Union may at last resolve the difficult issue.
Page 4"
Tuesday 12tli November
The Beaver's weekly round up of student news
with Lyie Jackson
Mlill Univ^ifsity i ' \	i
©oGheste
It's all about Manchester this week, with two of the country's best stories coming from the home of every 7-14 year-olds favourite football team. The latest mobile phone technology is behind a revolutionary new approach to teaching which is about to be pioneered by the Faculty of Medicine, Dentistry, Nursing and Pharmacy at The University of Manchester. In the future, students within the Faculty will use 3G or 'third generation' mobile phones which can connect to the Internet to communicate with a computer that will act as a 'patient'. The 'patient' will have a complete medical history and will call students on special 3G phones when it needs medical attention.Most universities are trying to cut down on the all too familiar occurrence of mobile phones going off in lectures, but at Manchester it could be a case of medical emergency. "Hi, this is your computer" in a digitised American voice, "I've had a crash and I can't get it from floppy to hard." Manchester should soon be turning out a series of qualified doctors, with the ability to fix IT problems and top grades due to wireless Internet access in exams - everyone's a winner! Secondly and yet more ridiculous, tennis players at Manchester University have been left with unusable tennis courts after the Commonwealth Games. The courts at the Armitage Site in Fallowfield have failed to reach health and safety standards after modifications were made prior to its use as the Athletes Village in the Summer Games. Two strange things strike me about this story. Firstly: don't you think that having health and safety standards more stringent than those of the Commonwealth games is a bit over cautious? You need some sense of danger in the sport. Making a game of tennis any less exiting could gently lull some -spectators into a coma. Secondly: the courts are in Manchester - the fact that they haven't been stolen yet is a miracle in itself. I say make the most of them before some hooded youth turns up one night and has them away.

The
Nottingham
Trent Universitv
Andrea Turner, a former Nottingham Trent student, recently unveiled a dress that can shrink up to two dress sizes. Ms. Turner was commissioned to design the dress by Weight Watchers. As the owner loses weight, a hidden panel at the back can conceal any excess material. The design was revealed at the latest London fashion week, where not many of the models had to use the largest setting. However, with a fat price tag of £1500, there is not much incentive to get too thin for it! Commissioned by Fosters, the expanding beer belly men's version should be on the shelves in the near future.
Birmingham
UCE PUN WARNING! University of Central England student 'Adam P' saw red recently (Oxford University style joke there) when he wasn't allowed to attend a formal dinner-dance wearing his scarlet Adidas jacket and a smart pair of trousers. Mr P said later, "I told bouncers that smart is subjective and that they didn't have the credentials to decide whether I was dapper enough!" 2801bs and 6 foot 5 are usually credential-worthy enough for most people, but obviously not trendy Adam. The student, who appears to have attended the same self-confidence lessons as Daniel Taylor at Leeds University later said in an interview, "everyone inside is going to think that I'm f*cking cool, so who the f*ck cares that I'm not wearing a dinner jacket". Well, the bouncers for a start. In an article named using almost as much talent as my joke above, 'Red Not the Colour of the Season in Birmingham', (it gets worse) Adam goes onto say "I had to take my custom elsewhere, the whole situation was red-iculous!" If you're still reading, I did warn you!
^Lii^ Ciiiii
NORWICH
TStudents at UEA were recently taken by surprise when a young woman allegedly drove her car into a queue for a club. The students were queuing for entry into an organised university night in Norwich when the driver became involved in an argument with another woman in the queue. Eyewitnesses thought that she had stormed off to some other night-spot, only to discover that she had actually gone to get her car, which she drove directly towards the crowd. Only one person was slightly hurt, and the woman is now being charged with Actual Bodily Harm and driving while under the influence of alcohol. Proof if any were needed that calling a club 'Carwash' is bound to cause problems.
Tuesday 12th November
Page 5
The Power of Passion
Oriana Fallaci on the Islamic Mountain and on Western missing zeal.
Carlo Pacifico
Three weeks ago Oriana Fiallaci, Italian journalist and author, was invited to present the American edition of 'The Rage and the Pride' at the American Enterprise Institute, Washington. It was the first time in ten years of silence that she had appeared in public. The strength of the move added up to that of the message Ms Fallaci wanted to spread through her newest book and certainly through the intense speech she held.
'Wake up, then! Sveglia, wake up.' This is not the time to be 'cool' and pretend things are fine; this is not the time to be politically correct and indifferent, it is time to wake up and react: 'I blame Westerners for not being passionate. Not in Europe, neither in America. If we don't protect out Culture we will be defeated by Islam'.
'The Rage and the Pride' describes Islam like an iceberg. Khomeini was, Osama Bin Laden
is and whoever will come next will be the top of the iceberg and appear on the surface, but the real protagonists of this war are the Mountain. Nobody admits there is a Mountain hidden under the surface, a Moimtain of passionate people ready to follow their leader and kill themselves and others. They do it for they believe in their God, in their leader. It is the hatred born out of passion. 'Allah-Akbar, Allah-Akbar! Jihad-Jihad!' This is how she pictures the Mountain of Islam: 'This Mountain that has been still for the past four thousand years, that doesn't move out the depths of its blindness.(...) This Mountain that is secretly jealous of us, secretly attracted by our lifestyle, blames us for its material and intellectual poverty'.
Ms Fallaci writes about the way she sees the world, and she writes as someone who regularly receives threatening phone calls she believes come from an Islamic fundamentalist of French-Lebanese origins. Ms
Fkllaci writes about everyone's fear and about the way this fear isn't turned into some sort of
Controversial Italian Writer Oriana Fallaci
reaction. She says: 'I identify 'The Rage and the Pride' as a plea. And this preach is not addressed to the Sons of Allah. It would have been useless. I
addressed it to us'. This plea is a call to the West, whose culture she is proud of. 'This culture that, even having made mistakes, sometimes horrific mistakes (think back about the Inquisition and about the concentration camps and about Hiroshima), took us away from the tents of the desert. It nourished the garden of our thought. It elaborated the concept of beauty, of moral, of liberty and of equality. It gave us a system far from perfection, that often is a big lie but, all considered, it is better than others: the system named Democracy. It pursued extraordinary achievements in the field of Science, it cured illnesses, it provided us with welfare. (...) Merits which the Islamic culture cannot be proud of.'
In her book and in her speech, Oriana Fallaci is very harsh, very powerful. She has got passion, and she knows it. Her book is her weapon, and she is a soldier on the front line. But her book is also her curse, because
her strong words are given more relevance than her message. She is accused of being a racist, a claim she denies. She says, referring to the legal charges and fines she had to deal with in France: 'As far as France is concerned, when it is the moment to defend the Sons of Allah, they forget even the three pillars that regulate every civil society: what they call Freedom of Thought, what they call Freedom of Expression and what they name Freedom of Print'.
Certainly, her new book isn't the first provocative paper she's produced, and, as a journalist and a writer, she is meant to know how to say what she thinks. One, in fact, may well wonder whether the same message spread in the usual flat and coldly rational fashion - that is how she would define a normal article or essay - would obtain the same reaction from the public. Bad publicity is still publicity. Vehement critics, sour sentiments and bitter accusations are the signs that her message has at least been heard.
Societies Officer's Irregular Column
Just two quick notices for society committee members:
1)	There is a pigeonhole for every society at SU Reception (East Building). Could you please try to check your society's pigeonhole at least once a week, since many of them are very full!
2)	I have placed some useful information for committee members on the SU website under the 'Societies' heading. If there is anything you wish to see added please email me.
Thanks. Elliot, SU Societies Officer, e.c.simmons@lse.ac.uk
banking & finance society - talk by md of morgan stanley
DATE: Tuesday, November 12th, 2002 LOCATION: D202, Clement House, LSE TIME: 18:05
COST: Members: Free / Non-Members: £2 (includes membership fee)
A talk by Mark Echlin Managing Director of Morgan Stanley entitled "connecting people, ideas and capital, we will be the world's first choice for achieving financial aspirations". Non-members are invited to join on the day for £2. Members register free by emailing su.soc.Banking-Finance@lse.ac.uk. Non-members are ^Iso invited to email to register for the talk (membership costs £2).
film society - film night with film maker eric harmon
DATE: Tuesday, November 12th, 2002 LOCATION: E171 (New Theatre), LSE TIME: 20:00 - 21:30 COST: Free
One man battles with the lure and sadistic lust of greed in order to live forever. Backed by a story originating in 1920, this plot of evil is presented as a high quality, consumer tested, product. The second film from US award-winning independent filmmaker Eric Harmon, FarconZigguruat will serve plot twists and ideas in ways conventional cinema has yet to imagine.
Showing for the first time at the LSE with special group Q&A with Eric Harmon, this is night for the serious filmgoers.
A wide range of forces are supporting this picket, including supporters of LSE Stop the War Coalition, LSE Labour Students Against the War, the LSESU Socialist Society and Student CND supporters. All are encouraging students who are against the war on Iraq to take part. The anti-war movement has had several successful demonstrations recently and it is important to maintain the high level of momentum that the anti-war movement currently has, making sure that the anti-war views are heard.
The picket is being called by Student CND, the Federation of Student Islamic Studies and the Student Stop the War Coalition.
kazakhstan society - cultural evening & fashion show
DATE: Wednesday, November 13th, 2002 LOCATION: Old Theatre, Old Building, LSE TIME: 21:30-23:00 COST: Free
A welcoming speech given by his Excellency Erlan Idrisov -Ambassador of Kazakhstan to the UK. Followed by a Fashion Show featuring professional models showing a unique collection of National Modem Clothing. Accompanied by award winning, platinum albimi selling Kazakhstan Musician -Asylbek Ensepov- playing a national string instrument Dombra in modern interpretation (e.g. Pulp Fiction soundtrack).
attac society - talk by 'green hero' dr.hermann scheer
DATE: Monday, November 18th, 2002 LOCATION: Room D602, Clement's House, LSE TIME: 12:00 (Noon)
COST: Free
LSE Attack Society presents a talk by Dr.Hermann Scheer -Time Magazine 'Hero of the Green Century' during the LSE Environmental Week.
Dr. Scheer is a SPD Member of the German Bundestag and it's Foreign Relations Committee, General Chairman of the World Council for Renewable Energy, Winner of the Right Livelihood Award - the Alternative Nobel Prize. The Solar Economy by Hermann Scheer, is published by Earthscan price £17.99.
socialist society - picket against the war on iraqi
DATE: Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
LOCATION: US Embassy, Grosvemor Square, London (nearest tube Bond Street) TIME: 1700-19:30 COST: Free
Don't forget!
To advertise on this page please email Elliot -the SU Societies Officer - at e.c.simmons@lse.ac.uk by the Thursday before the paper you wish to advertise in is published. Please try and send adverts in a similar format to those in this week's paper.
Tuesday 12th November
The Becttxr News
Page 6
National President: Top-Up Fees Will Cripple Higher Education
Nolan's Fringe
061 In The Area
This week the world's eyes turned towards Manchester in anticipation of the first derby match between the cities' football teams in 2 years and only the second in six years. It was painted as the ultimate battle in good and evil, poor vs. rich, underdog vs. oveirlord. 'Poor' City, everyone's favourite second team, were against United, everyone's least favourite team. City fans are all from Manchester and are loyal dedicated and loveable, true football fans like the Gallagher brothers from Oasis. United fans are from anywhere but Manchester, and are cynical, glory seeking ersatz football fans like Angus Deayton. City won of course, 3-1, causing jubilation throughout the land and in Manchester itself, where City fans lived up to the "24 Hour Party People" reputation of the city and had a carnival.
Manchester was also in the news this week, but no-one, least of all Manes, paid much attention to this story. This was the story that Manchester has the lowest male life expectancy of any city in Britain, at 69 years. Bernard Manning, the fat racist 'comedian', was brought into to defend the city's honour and said "people in Manchester live fast and die young", totally in tune with the mantra of the moment. And so the story went ignored and will probably be forgotten this time next week. I wonder what Mr Manning would have said about other statistics in Manchester Like the one that says there are more sui-
cides amongst young people in Manchester than anywhere else. Or the statistic that shows that there are more children in care in Manchester than anywhere else in Britain.
The fact is my home city is a place of eternal contradictions where myth and fact are often blurred. It's place of great economic disparity, where shoppers in busy designer arcades pass by homeless people. Where the bustling purpose built city centre is surrounded by sprawling poverty stricken inner city areas. The place may be improving, but it took an IRA bomb and the Commonwealth games to make the 'proactive' city council realise that Manchester was a shithole.
Mind you we Mancunians have provided ourselves on triumphing over adversity. From this screwed-up city came all of the best British bands of the last twenty years, the Joy Division, New Order, The Smiths, The Stone Roses and the Happy Mondays. Amidst the guns and the drugs we partied at the Hacienda and set the blueprint for rave culture, not just in Britain but in the rest of the world. Amidst the depression and the suicide we also have given the world some of the best comedians of the last decade, Steve Coogan, Caroline Aheme and Peter Kay. Manchester for all its faults has shaped our cultural landscape.
My father could have been said to be a typical Mancunian. He enjoyed life in the face of adversity (losing his first wife and
child in a plane crash in the sixties). He had a sense of humour as dry as the Sahara desert. He also supported United. As do 'non-Mancs' Steve Coogan, Christopher Eccleston, Ian Mcshane and Albert Finney. Morrissey, the greatest Mancunian of all time according to a recent survey, and lead singer of the Smiths, supports United. The Gallagher Brothers have been to two City games in the last five years. They now live in London. Also City won on Saturday without a single Mancunian in the side. United had four. A lot of City fans come from Stockport. They single cuddly and loveable chants about the Munich air disaster where United lost the core of one of the greatest club sides the world has ever seen. And there was no carnival in Manchester last night. Enmity between the two sets of supporters made sure of that, no 24 Hour Party "people solidarity there. Myth and fact blurring again.
My father could also be seen to be a typical Mane in that last year, aged 67, he died from heart failure. Mr Bernard "I came from nothing and don't you forget it" Manning, looking down from his mansion and deciding who was going to drive him today, would have been proud. Manchester the place of eternal disparity and contradictions claimed another victim. Manchester, so much to be proud of but, in the words of The Smiths, "So much to answer for".
A Pleasure to Meet You!
Hello To all of you out their reading the Beaver. A finer paper will not be found in the whole of UL, and even with it's much needed overhaul the London Stooodent is still no match for our well trimmed organ.
This last week has seen me plunged into a supporting role for Tuuli in her absence, and an incredibly busy week it has been. Not content with just sitting in my office listening to Xfm and saying Baaah, my time has been taken up with meeting the many and actively involved society members that inhabit LSE. Along with this we are in the midst of a huge plan of upheaval. No not another Teach In, but a refit of the Tuns, and underground. By this time next year the Union will be vastly transformed for the better!
Another thing that has kept me unusually busy due to Tuuli's absence is the UGM. The major issue of the day on Thursday appeared to be the issue of smoking in the Quad. It seems that the vast community of people who once enjoyed a coffee with their cigarette, will now have to sit elsewhere. The
In addition to the popular group study rooms, the Library now offers a larger room - R09 on the lower ground floor. This enables up to 12 LSE students at a time to meet to discuss project work etc.
You can book R09 (as other Library group study rooms) via the folder at the Service Counter on the ground floor of the Library. Bookings can be made up to a week in advance. To ensure R09 is used
Quad is now non-smoking. For those who drafted and voted for this motion I am glad to inform you that staff in the Cafe are now aware, and signs should now be in place. Already the first complaints have begun to trickle in, on either side!
Bellini: Young, free and happily not single
This motion, and others have sparked two points that I have to make about the Union. The first is a simple one. The Mezzanine was supposed to be non smoking, yet even this area, not to mention the vast area of the quad, was difficult to police. Instead of complaining to the Union about this matter, the first notice of discontent we heard was
for larger groups, the LSE Card numbers of four students are required on booking. Existing study rooms in the Library can be booked for groups of between two and six people.
As with all group study rooms, normal Library policy applies. This includes keeping all food and drink (except water) outside the Library. Please respect fellow users by leaving rooms tidy. , . ,
in a motion to change policy submitted to the UGM. Another way people seem to feel it is appropriate to complain is in the Beaver, but if you have a problem with anything to do with the Union please tell us, how else are we supposed to know?
Secondly this new policy is going to be hell to police, a vast area with many expectant smokers, and no expectant mothers, ready to spark up and read Nietzsche, or the FT. The Cafe understaffed and hugely busy will make their best attempts to enforce the policy, but that is all they can do, their best. They will not however do so on the Mezzanine floor. So instead of a concentrated and more likely to succeed attempt on a small area we now have a non-smoking area that will in the opinion of many be a half way house that will annoy everyone and please no one!
At the end of this though I have one simple message if you think this is silly turn up to the UGM. Have your say, you never now what might get banned next. Umbrellas?
Peter Bellini
SU Pleasurer
r09 was previously reserved as a Library staff meeting space, but we have adapted our procedures in line with student need. The room will be available to students initially on a pilot basis for this term. If there are any other issues you feel the Library can help with, please let us know by completing a feedback form at the Service Counter.
London students have unsurprisingly reacted angrily to recent stories that they may be expected to pay £50,000 to complete a three-year degree.
The merger talks between University College London (UCL) and Imperial College have given Sir Richard Sykes (rector of Imperial) another chance to put his case for top-up fees. The Imperial College Council has already accepted a proposal to charge fees in excess of £10,000 a year - the only voice of dissent coming from the student member of the Council.
NUS is delighted that Tony Giddens has come out and stated his clear opposition to top-up fees and called for fierce resistance against any moves to implement them.
Top-up fees quite simply would cripple higher education. There is no question that higher education is desperately underfunded but asking cash-strapped students to find the money is an insult to struggle that they already go through. Top-up fees would lead to a two-tiered university system where the most important thing to secure a place would be a healthy bank account.
Institutions that rely on the money these fees would generate would have to accept a certain number of fee payers to make sure there is enough cash in the coffers - regardless of whether or not they are the most talented students.
The government promised a review of student funding to improve matters, after the public made their feelings on the introduction of tuition fees quote clear on the doorstep at the last election. The ensuing review has become a long-drawn out process, but have ministers really forgotten that message? The public didn't like tuition fees, they want an improved system; they certainly don't want top up fees. Treating the views of the electorate with such contempt is a very dangerous game for the government to play.
Mandy Telford
NUS National President
STOP PRESS: BREAKING LIBRARY NEWS
Tuesday 12th November
JheBenverEdHorid
Page 7
EdUorial Comment
Activism spreads
STAFF FROM across campus will show students how to do it this week as they strike en masse this thursday.
Taking a lead from the Coalition Against The War's activities last month, LSE employees hope to close the school for business for the day in a bid to stop an eleventh successive salary freeze.
Whilst the students last month fought for peace it seems the joint AUT-Unison strike will see academics and support staff fight for their pay packets.
But is this so wrong? Working in London brings with it a huge financial burden that, it would seem, is not being adequately remunerated by the LSE's current payments. And so, in a bid to right this wrong, the workers will lead a picket in front of the Old Building.
Effective lobbying of government and the LSE administration is the only way to bring about such change, but - after ten years of trying and failing to do so - the academic staff have reluctantly resorted to a desperate show of dissatisfaction.
Classes will be cancelled and the library is expected to close -which will not doubt please some of the student body wishing to put off their overdue essays for a further week.
The unions' disruption could also be exacerbated by the impending fire fighters' strike due on the
same day, which together would see the whole school close.
Provided that worse case scenario does not take place, union activists - who voted last week to support the boycott - shall face the interesting quandary of crossing the picket line in their droves to make their way to this week's UGM.
But in doing so they will be helping to highlight the cause: just as the coalition hoped - and succeeded - in gaining publicity for their cause last month, the underpaid workers will try (for a second time this academic session) to bring attention to their plight by filling Houghton Street throughout the day
Any disruption to students is worrying. However, the unions' shutdown received laudable support from the student body in last week's UGM and at that meeting it seemed that students were themselves reluctantly on side with Thursday's industrial action.
Whether the other 6,500 students on campus will be as enthusiastic when missing their classes next week is debatable, but surely the current action will be worth enduring if it results in a well-moti-vated staff getting paid what they deserve.
Let us just hope both the government and LSE listen so we can all get back to work without further ado.
More stats heralding doom for HE funding
As THE rift on higher education funding is furthered this week, it seems that the odds -and now the statistics - are stacked against parents and students alike.
News that British universities offer the best rate of return will provide little surprise to many of our EU and international readership, yet the OECD figures wiU further back the arguments of Higher Education Minister Margaret Hodge that tertiary education comes too cheap in the UK.
Professor Giddens' stance on top-up fees has been welcomed by NUS President Mandy Telford, but the Director would seem to be increasingly isolated amongst those in charge of British universities - as 46 vice-chan-
cellors from across the country openly admit to preparing to introduce 'full fees' as soon as possible.
Yet, we must remember that the fight is not yet lost. It seems increasingly likely that the government's 'strategy paper'will provide a number of HE funding options to consider -that is, when it finally arrives (the latest prediction is January 2003).
This should give us all both time and motivation.
Until there is a long-term resolution we must all actively caU for a system that sees education as a right not a privilege and do our part at the LSE to win a debate that wiU affect generations to come.
No model of modernity
LSE HAS often been criticised in these pages but perhaps never before has life on Houghton Street been attacked with such informed acerbity as by Jan Duesing's musings on the differences between the LSE of the 80's and our modern school (see pages ten and eleven).
From the lack of criminals amongst the academic staff, through constant building works across campus to the sexist schoolboy antics of
the UGM, Duesing pulls no punches as he remembers the days of a £22 weekly rent.
Perhaps the fiercest criticism -and one which the Beaver by no means agrees with - is that today's student body is too focused to enjoy the experience that student life at the school provides.
Yet, love or loath what he is trying to say, it makes for a thrilling read for anyone who wants to judge the merits of modern life at LSE.





snuK-ii^
By Ria Dastidarl
Letters to the Editor
Dear Editor,
I would like to respond to Edward Ellis' somewhat disgruntled letter of 5th November I attended the UGM (Thursday 31st October) about which he complained so vehemently, and I can say that it is the best fun I have had in academic surroundings since a boy in my Chemistry class snorted magnesium powder
I am a first year undergraduate, I have been a regular attendee at the UGM for the last five weeks, and wiU be for some time to come. I concede that the atmosphere at the UGM on the 31st was somewhat lively, but to claim that "racism, sexism and intimidation," were present is absurd - in fact I wonder was our foreign friend present at the same meeting as me. The debate was well managed by the Chair, despite some thorny issues being on the agenda. I was struck by how these issues (top up fees and the war on Iraq, to name but two) were dealt with in a civilized and well structured manner, allowing all people in the hall to put across their views.
Mr. EUis' gripe with the 'balcony boys' is absurd - they have as much right as anybody else to express their opinions. Mr. EUis also complained that "a speaker was ridiculed because of her ethnicity". For those not 'lucky' enough to witness this speaker, she came close to achieving permanent aural damage on everyone present in the Old Theatre, as she 'excitedly' put across her views, shouting down the microphone whilst well over-running her time slot. She was asked by the Chair to speak more quietly, and it was on this topic that some comments came from the floor - ethnicity was never an issue, as Mr. Ellis claimed.
The UGM plays a vital role in the life student union, and thus in the life of the University as a whole. If Mr. Ellis still has a problem with
attending this valuable device for interaction, maybe he should use his £10,000 to buy a few newspapers, scrunch them up and throw them at a BBC cameraman. It's great fun. I wonder if he was present at this week's UGM, in which motions such as the BNP and Remembrance Day were discussed in a rational, calm manner - and note - the vast majority of the intelligent comments came from the "mob" on the balcony.
An Old Theatre Concerned Resident
Dear Sir,
In response to Bob Harris' letter (issue 562) I would like to argue that the reintroduction of Womens' Gym sessions on a Saturday morning, far from contravening the SU Equal Opportunities statement, is strongly in accordance with it. The SU aims to make its services available to all students - these sessions were introduced in order to allow female Muslim students the same opportunities to use the gym that Mr Harris currently enjoys. If Mr Harris would like further information on the aims of the sessions I would encourage him to contact me.
Kowan Harvey Equal Opportunities (female) Officer
Dear Sir,
Many thanks to 'the Beaver' for your kind coverage of the first LSESU Socialist Society meeting of the year with Tony Benn. Related to that report, I'd just like to quickly take up some of the points made about Iraq and the antiwar movement in that and other pieces.
Certainly, the Left outside the Labour Party is a part of the anti-war movement both nationally and at LSE. However, it would be entirely wrong to have a situation where it was the only force in the anti-war movement as was made clear at the aforementioned meeting. That is where our role and that of others has come in as supporters of the Stop the War Coalition. At that meeting we had speakers from Student CND and the Labour NEC/Labour Against the War - hardly 'trotskyist' or 'anarchist' hacks as the editorial ridiculously suggests are the only force within the movement against the war! I would also add that Student CND supporters at LSE have publicised all activities against the war (including the No War on Iraq Liason Group's meeting in Parliament which was supported by a large number of MPs from across the political spectrum) -so are hardly pushing an alterior motive other than building campaigns for peace.
The fact that many members of groups such as the SWP are active in the Stop the War Coalition is not a reason for those who do not share such political beliefs to get involved. Nor is the fact that the SWP were present at the 'civilised occupation' as some have termed it a reason just to rubbish it as some writers seem to have done. As a member of the Laboiir Party, I have many political problems and disagreements with the SWP, and at times would have suggested another line of action for the STWC than has been the leading view, but nonetheless go to the meetings, participate in the discussions and seek to have an impact on what is going on. If you are against this war then it is crucial you convince others and do something about it - all are welcome at the Stop the War Coalition meetings, why not come and have your say rather than use problems with some of its components as an excuse to stay away? Matthew Willgress_
Dear Editor,
I am writing to complain about the persistent high levels of email activity being spread around LSE. Are the people who send these emails persistent on ruining everyone else's education or do they reaUy have nothing better to do. I believe there are many other people, in similar positions to me, who feel the need for IT services to regulate the use of IT, in particular email, far better around Campus.
David Bains
7'/7eBeaverTe am
EXECUTIVE EDITOR: lain Bundred MANAGING EDITOR: Mike Bum DIRECTOR: Claire Loescher BUSINESS MANAGER: Nicholas Stoker
NEWS EDITORS: Julia Giese; Armin Schuiz
8:UNK EDITORS: Ibrahim Rasheed; Brian Choudhary
B;UNK INVESTIGATIONS EDITOR:
Arianna Adjani
B:ART EDITOR: Mike Burn
FILM EDITOR: Eleanor Keech; Terance Li
MUSIC EDITORS: Mike Burn; Valeria Severini
CLUBBING EDITOR: Tom Miskin LITERARY EDITOR: Dalia King SPORTS EDITORS: Holly Featherstone; Gareth Carter
With special thanks to: Michael Bourke, Rowan Harvey, El Barnham, Phillip Nielsen and Prashant Rao
THE COLLECTIVE
Dune 'the punk' Adanns, Serif Alp Atakcan, El Barham, Christina Beharry, Matthias Benzer, Vida Bronnby - Tavener, Farzan Bilimoria, James 'Mullet' Baker, Michael Bourke, Leonard Brouwer, Hannah Bryce, Lome Charles, Ed Cook, Naomi Colvin, Peter Coupe, Dan Cumming, Nafeesa Ermes, Tristan Feunteun, Juli 6an, Ian Qascoigne, Sarah Greenberg, Rowan Harvey, Sib Hayer, Lindsay Hoag, Katherine Jacomb, Lyie Jackson, Tom Jenkins, Edward Jones, Tuuli Kousa, Candice
MacDonald, Dan Madden, Vita Maynard, Garbrielle Menezes, Ruth Molyneux, Linda Morris, Shashwat Nanda, Robin Noble, Justin Nolan, Phillip Nielsen, Samantha Nicklin, Daniela Ott, Neel Patel, Nicholas Pauro, Sarah Peet, Alison Perine, Chelsea Phua, Keith Postler, Kirstine Potts, Claire Pn/de, Adam Quinn, Vanessa Raizberg, Jan Rattay, Zaf Rashid, Loretta Reehill. Piers Sanders, Susannah Sava, James Sharrockj Elliot Simmons, Matthew Stoate, Jamie Tehrani, Saija Vuola, Julius Walker, Laura Wheeler. ' PRINTED BY WEST COUNTRY DESIGN ft PRINT ;
ctore Says a 10CD words

edited by: b.chaudharij i.m.rasheed
The monarchy is dying by
a thousand cuts. when will we do the decent thing? by adam quinn
No matter how the problems slowly drowning Iain Duncan Smith may seem to swell, he can at least rest assured that there's one group of people left in Britain who can still outdo the Conservative Party in terms of both dysfunction and high-profile decline. You've guessed it, it's everybody's favourite travelling circus, the royal family, who this month added nearly perverting the course of justice and conspiracy theory to their extensive list of known talents.
First, in an event that left even the most experienced court reporters baffled, the Queen suddenly pronounced, mid-trial, that she remembered Paul Burrell, ex-butler of the ex-Princess Diana, telling her that he had stashed away piles of the Princess's possessions for 'safe-keeping'. These were items which he had for two years stood accused of thieving. Then, when the newly liberated Burrell decided to beef up his retirement nest-egg (presumably butling isn't what it used to be) by selling his story to the tabloids, he caused a stir by revealing, as well as the usual everybody-hates-everybody shenanigans of the royals, that the Queen had told him in their final conversation to beware of "powers at work in this country of which we have no knowledge".
In the case of the trial, the Queen has managed to put herself in a position where she has only three explanations for her behaviour, all awful: (1) She thought it beneath her to make contact with the police and get involved in their investigation, and was happy to sit by and watch Burrell go to jail for a crime he didn't commit. (2) She was so out of touch and/or stupid that she either didn't know the trial was going on or didn't think her conversation with Burrell was relevant. (3) She never had the conversation with Burrell at all, and her sudden 'recollection' of it was a scam to get Burrell off and end a trial that was getting more grubby and embarrassing by the day (one for the conspiracy-minded only).
Add to that inglorious list of possibilities her reported warnings to Burrell, which read like Christopher Lee lines from a Hammer Horror, and it's
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fair to say that the Queen hasn't emerged well from recent events. Obviously, her being the Queen and all, many people, Tony Blair included, have been bending over backwards to insist that she did nothing wrong, that everyone except her can expect the blame, and, most obviously, there can be no question whatsoever that she at any point acted with anything but the best motives. So that's all alright then.
ROYALS FLUSHED
Looking at the royal family as a whole, we can add our new knowledge of the Queen to a sizeable stock of existing information. We already knew the royals were - in the form of one member or another - serial adulterers, reactionaries, bulimics, alcoholics, spendthrifts and emotional retards. Now the head of state has contributed amnesia and paranoia to that list of noble traits. And this is officially the foremost family in the country. Makes you proud, doesn't it?
But if we already knew so many base facts about the royals, and if every new piece of information we get seems to make things worse rather than better, surely what we really need to do is ask ourselves two key questions: Why are we surprised any more? And why are we still interested?
I could bang on about the outdated nonsense of having a hereditary monarchy at the head of our state. I could invoke all sorts of high concepts like democracy, equality and justice. But I won't, because it's been done a thousand times before, and I'm sure you're just not interested any more. Everyone knows the reasons for an elected head of state over the pot-luck of primogeniture, and if they were going to win the argument alone then they would have done it by now. For one reason or another they don't seem to cut any ice with the British public.
That being the case, it's better to take on the monarchy on the real issues in the popular debate. Nowadays, the monarchy is clinging onto its mori-
Royal Flushed
Objectivity and Israel
L5E then and Now
More to Florence
Than David
* ........... .....
Across the bands of Time...
bund existence with three arguments. First, they bring in a whole bunch of money through tourism which would otherwise go elsewhere. Second, they're now like celebrities, and their lives give us entertainment. Third, however bad the royals are, they're no worse than the repulsives who fill our elected political roles, and from among whom we would have to choose a new head of state.
The first argument, though obviously it's impossible to be certain in advance, is likely to prove to be rubbish. People come to see big fancy palaces and people doing stuff in silly uniforms. There's no reason why the end of the monarchy would necessitate knocking down the buildings they used to live in and cancelling the changing of the guard. In fact, throwing the Queen and her tribe out onto the street would free up a lot more rooms for tourists to go and see. It's not like the tourists actually get to see much of the royal family themselves, anyway.
The second argument is true, but surely we will get beyond it. Yes, the royals are celebrities of a sort. But the fact that they qualify is a sign of the low redefinition that has beset the term. Traditionally, the point of a celebrity was that they were a talented and/or attractive person who inspired interest and excitement in the public. The problem with the royals is that they are the antithesis of that description: intellectually stunted, socially inept, professionally mediocre or worse and, with a tiny handful of exceptions, not far short of being downright ugly. Surely, even in
a society obsessed with fame and increasingly willing to bestow it for 5-10 minutes on any grating halfwit with a passable smile and a dignity-deficit, we can do better than these people for celebrities. Looking and singing blandly enough to win Pop Idol may be a slender basis for fame and fortune, but inbred descent from German 'nobility' is surely less still. If their justification, for existence is being celebrities, then the current royals don't make the grade, and it's only a matter of time before that realisation dawns on the tabloids and even the most prurient of their readership.
Which leaves us with the third reason for their existence, and makes us realise why the monarchy has become a bit like the Labour government. Everyone knows they're a bit crap in all sorts of ways, but no one has any idea what the alternative would be. If you sack Tony Blair, the alternative is Iain Duncan Smith. If you sack the Queen, well then you'll have to find some clapped-out old politician willing to see out their remaining days signing laws they didn't write and unveiling plaques. That's what happens in other countries with an elected figurehead of state.
Who would we get? John Major? Paddy Ashdown? Margaret Thatcher? It doesn't really bear thinking about, does it? The monarchy, for all their faults, may well stay put until some elected politicians come along whom the public can stomach. Perhaps we'll have to wait until the unusually well-liked Tony Blair retires from active service; after all, people are always saying he really wants to be a president, not a prime minister. In the meantime, those of us with an anti-monarchist tilt will just have to grit our teeth, and hope that we never need to rely on the Queen to 'come through' for us in court.
beaver

SSi^SSSeli
E8
OBJECTIVITY AND ISRAEL
Jarod krissman discusses media and alternative warfare methods in this latest round of responses.
Before proceeding to respond to Rami Cheblak's article "Propaganda, Partisanship and Peace," I would like to commend him for his tactful response to my article. All too often, people writing about sensitive and controversial issues such as conflict in the Middle East choose the path of personal attack over intellectual argumentation. I for one appreciate Rami's insistence on attacking the substance of my article and hope future articles on the issue will follow suit. Like Rami, I stride for an objective understanding of the Palestinian/Israeli conflict. Consequently, it is imperative that I respond to his allegation that my article was "riddled with misinformation, presented as legitimate facts."
Rami claims that my assertion that the Palestinian fight for liberation from occupation has sadly been conjoined with Israel's historical fight for existence is "not only disputable, but incorrect." To further his argument, he flags for the reader the great inequity in military might between the Israeli Defense Forces and the Palestinian resistance movement. However, his analysis is simply incorrect. The world is witnessing a new era of asymmetric warfare in which "the smaller power applies its strengths against the weaknesses of the larger power" (Guardian, Oct. 3, 2001) This tactic has already been unleashed by extremists in Washington



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DC, New York, and just recently, Bali. Israeli's face this very threat everyday. HAMAS has made it very clear to the world that the organization is intent on destroying the state of Israel. In its charter, HAMAS preaches the gospel that "Israel will rise and will remain erect until Islam eliminates it as it had eliminated its predecessors." To compliment their rhetoric, HAMAS (along with many governments) provides the Palestinian population with maps that conveniently exclude the state of Israel.
But how could destroying the state of it be possible? After all, the IDF has F-18's and weapons of mass destruction. Just like human beings, a state may be destroyed externally by an imposing force, or from within. Operating on the understanding that Israel cannot be destroyed through conventional military means, HAMAS, Islamic Jihad, and other
extremist groups are seeking to fulfill their mission statements by bleeding Israel from within. Just in the last year, the IDF has foiled two attempts to detonate more than a ton of explosives within Israel proper. While such an explosion would not threaten the existence of states such as Great Britain, states with populations of only five million people and a land mass no greater than the state of Tennessee are in fact vulnerable.
After attacking my assertion about Israel's historical and current fight for existence, Rami then moves on to criticize my claim that much of the extremism that has plagued Israeli society and has consequently left the Palestinian people suffering and stateless can be attributed to the closed societies from which Middle Eastern Arabs receive their information about the world around them. Although Rami is not prepared to defend the merits of Arab media channels, he does deplore "extremist sections of the Israeli press" that do not play a constructive role.
There within the context of his statement lies there very argument I have proposed. Unlike in the Arab world,
which has yet to produce a media source free from government control, the Israeli media indeed has SECTIONS.
That is, like other democracies such as the United States, Great Britain, France and Germany, the Israeli press is openly divided into sections published by extremist in support of the right-wing cause as well as pubUcations such as Haaretz, Israel's most prestigious daily that regularly criticizes the policies of government	officials
(http://www.haaretzdaily.com) In addition to strengthening my case with the very criticism he asserts, Rami then challenges "Jarod to show me any [incitement of extremism] he has come across."
Rami, it would probably look something like that. Given the widespread poverty in tjie Middle East, many Arabs cannot afford access to several media channels. However, Arab governments have developed a method to circumvent this socioeconomic dilemma. In Saudi Arabia, all children need do to receive inciting propaganda is attend school. There, "10th grade classes are forced to memorize from the Ministry of Education textbook entitled 'Monotheism' that is replete with anti-Christian and anti-Jewish bigotry and violent interpretations of Islamic scripture. A passage on page 64 under the title 'Judgment Day,' says; "The Hour will not come until Muslims will fight the Jews, and Muslims will kill all the Jews." (Charles M. Sennott, The Boston Globe, 4/2/2002) Rami suggests that I am somehow mistaken in claiming that Arab governments arouse the rest of the World over the Palestinian plight solely as a means of detracting attention away those
institutions (suppressive and closed Arab governments) that persist. Well, I would suggest that proof of this phenomenon was clearly represented in the last interview Saddam Hussein gave to Al-Jazeera, only the second of its kind since the Gulf War. When asked to comment on current US foreign policy, the Iraqi tyrant spent the majority of the time calling on the Arab world to rally behind the Palestinian cause, a far less pressing issue for the dictator. As a consequence of such propaganda, "Saudi kids are just set out on a path of thinking, 'OK, those are our enemies,' and in some rare cases they take action." (Ibid) Although Rami correctly asserts that media bias "exists a lot closer to home," these media sources are purposefully "overlooked" as a point of contention in my argument because unlike information dispersed by Arab governments, such propaganda does no go unchallenged.
undermine my
After Rami attempts to claim regarding Arab

July 24, 2i02 (Qatar)
Prime Minister Ariel Sharon is shown from a goblet labeled "The Palestinian Children's Blood."
institutions, he moves on to attack the language I utilized to describe the use of violence by Muslim extremists to achieve political ends. Specifically, he questioned the appropriateness of my usage of the phrase "miUtant political Islam," claiming that this as "an incitement of religious hatred itself" by automatically equating "Islam with extremism and militancy." In the last few years, it has become common place for publicists to not only attack the substance of a claim asserted by others, but also the language used to convey the argument. Consequently, academics are left with the seemingly complicated task of extracting meaning from words like "terrorism."Yet, truths regarding the social sciences should be able to penetrate cultural boundaries. Therefore, I am in favor of linguistic evaluations. So, while this might be a worthy criticism, all I can say is just like the Koran, phrases I use can be interpreted to the detriment of my cause. Although, it is important to note that I did not coin the phrase "militant political Islam." Rather, I adopted the language from John L. Esposito, professor of religion and international affairs and director of the Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding at Georgetown University's School of Foreign Service. Furthermore, Ahmed Rashid, a prominent Pakistani journalist, just released a book entitled The Taliban: militant
Islam, oil and fundamentalism. Both men extensively use the phrase, not as means of inciting religious hatred, but rather to profess benign understandings that aim at extinguishing the phenomenon. Therefore, while I will not criticize Rami's linguistic inferences, my interpretation and usage of the phrase is shared by some of the greatest intellectuals of our time.
Rami then goes on to point out "another factual error" I made in claming that Hamas, Israel's primary security threat, illegitimately carries out attacks from the West Bank and trains in S. Lebanon. He criticizes me for "confusing Hamas, the Palestinian political party, which is confined to the West Bank and Gaza, with Hezbollah, the Lebanese militant political faction which trains in Southern Lebanon." I am not confused. Rami is simply wrong. Leaders of Hezbollah itself has publicly announced that members of Hamas and Islamic Jihad train with their organization in the Bekaa Valley of Lebanon and at a base near the Iranian City of Qom, with the approval of the Syrian government. (Anthony Cordesman, Israeli vs. the Palestinians: The Second Intifada and Asymmetric Warfare) On that note, I will take the liberty of criticizing Rami for confusing his facts. Rather than being "confined to the West Bank and Gaza," Hamas set up offices in Teheran in 1992 and continues to this day to build a support base in Iran. (Al-Mughrabi, Nidel, "Palestinian Police Link Hamas men to Iran", Reuters, February 4,1999)
This brings me back to the argument I had set out to convey in my last article: The conflict between the Palestinians and Israelis should not be seen as one between Ariel Sharon and Yasir Arafat. Rather, the wide support base each side of the conflict enjoys is a testament to its truly global scope and thus requires a global solution. I am personally a pessimist in believing that, left to the two primary parties involved, the conflict will prove unsolvable. One of the greatest obstacles that has plagued both Palestinians and Israeli's has been relying on truly distorted representations of their history and the current conflict in seeking a just solution for both parties. If the rest world is to resolve the ensuing plight of both peoples, it must not allow misinformation to get further entangled in the web of complexities that has allowed this conflict to claim the lives of so many.

the editors would like to apologize to rami cheblak who we incorrectly printed as remi chablack in blink 564. and also to lawrence marzouk who was the author of "More to Czech than Prague."

HRHP
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THE LSE THE
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"I came to the LSE in october 1985; and am hoping to finish in around 2004. "
It's not as bad as it sounds. I took my bachelor's and master's decrees in the eighties, then worked in the city, and came back a year ago to do a PhD.
How has the LSE changed? here are a few impressions, in no particular order.
by jan duesing.
The Demise of the Northern Accent
In the Eighties, the popular game at the LSE was to be more working class than the next person. This game was played by both students and academics and tended to take the curious form of the adoption of a Northern English accent.
Nowadays the LSE is less socialist, less British, more affluent and much more expensive. A higher proportion of the UK population actually goes to university, though the number of genuine working class students at the LSE (as well as genuine Northerners) has, if anything, declined. More on all of these things below. Northern accents are now rare.
Rags to Riches
Prom the outside, the buildings look largely the same (though there have been some further acquisitions since the Eighties). But the "karma" has changed. Thinking back, I recall a pervasive sense of poverty.
Margaret Thatcher and her followers did not like intellectuals. They looked down on education and regarded it as a poor substitute for business charisma (combined with financial leverage). Insofar as they wanted to finance higher education, they wanted to finance the natural sciences. They did not like the social sciences and particularly did not like the LSE.
In their defence, let me say that LSE courses in those days were substantially less real-world oriented than they are now. On every other point they were wrong. Most obviously, they should have been able to understand that Finance was Britain's most successful industry; and that the cream of their (state-funded) physics and engineering graduates would soon be looking for jobs in the City, just Uke many LSE students.
-fhus, in the 1980s, the LSE had lost its state support and had not yet
adapted to the new situation. The cutbacks affected all aspects of eveiyday LSE life - except apparently the IT equipment, which was quite good even then.
Nowadays, research grants, collaboration with the private sector, much increased income from student fees, plus private donations have put the LSE in a position where it no longer really needs the state - provided that it is able to able to maintain its reputation.
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would then have to bail him out.
He occupied a disused hospital and turned it into a shelter for the homeless. (Homelessness increased phenomenally during that time.)
Some time after leaving the LSE, during the Gulf War, I tried to make contact with him again. I had to call him in Baghdad... Another, now a professor, used to have very loud and very personal arguments with his girlfriend - in the Library. She worked there.
Another professor became a father in his Seventies...
Unfortunately, some were both eccentric and rubbish. One was a media-friendly Professor of Political Philospohy who abused his title to make sweeping racist, sexist or extreme right-wing statements. I remember sitting in a lecture where he described a particular European language (the language of countless poets, philospohers, mathematicians and scientists) as "unfit for logical reasoning". A few sentences later, he tried to use a philosophical term derived from that language. He was unable to pronounce it and did not really seem to know what it meant. I did not laugh. Neither did anyone else.
Building Works
Over a five-year period, I cannot remember any building works. With the unkind exception, that is, of one of the LSE's next door neighbours, a company which decided to build a new tower right next to the library, during exam time.
Of
LSE T-Shirt . Motto: "Inebrius ad nauseam. Circa 1985
Superstars and Eccentrics
I do not know which current LSE academic will be the next to win a Nobel Prize, or whether there will be enough Nobel Prizes going forward. I do know this, though:
My first memory of the LSE, though, goes back to Easter time before I began my first degree. I remember standing in a pleasant, quiet, grey courtyard in the afternoon sunshine. Someone was throwing paper aeroplanes out of the window of one of the Students' Union offices. You could see the back of a large refectory (called Florries) on the opposite side and the back door of a bar straight ahead. I was standing in the area which now serves as the venue for the Crush - before they put a roof over it and turned Florries into part gym, part cafe. Another thing that
The real characters seem to have disappeared! One of my lecturers in the Eighties lived in his LSE office, wore sandals and gave all his money to charity. Periodically he would break into the Ministry of Defence, throw ash or rose petals on the floor and get arrested. His esteemed colleagues
QUEENS SPEECH IN FULL
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has gone is the old paternoster in the Clare Market Building.
Occupations
Occupations are a wonderful experience, to be recommended to everyone. In the Sixties, and looking across the Channel to Paris where students appeared to be close to overturning the entire state, the School became very cautious and put in steel doors to try to prevent occupations. To no avail. I think Ralf Dahrendorf's book bore testimony to this. So did a picture in the lUns which depicted a large number of long-haired hippies who had just taken over the school.
By the Eighties, the authorities had become much more relaxed. When the students decided to occupy the School in order to force it to hquidate its investments in the South African Apartheid regime, there was only token resistance. The students barged past a handful of porters, then all the staff went home at five o'clock and the students took over for a couple of weeks.
This way we got to experience some of the School's nicer features. I remember a late night sitting in a lovely conference room in Connaught House, complete with balcony, studying mathematics. Unfortunately I was only there for the first week. During the second week, I went ski-ing with my parents. (That's true socialism for you.)
The School gave in, as did colleges all across the world, and students were able to make a small but significant contribution to the ending of Apartheid.
Union Meetings
Union meetings used to be well-attended and colourful affairs, with plenty of intelligent debate and a good dose of himiour. On the left, it was almost impossible to secure a space standing up. With proportional representation of the form practiced in Ireland, and the Left divided between two major parties (and many smaller ones), the Liberals and Labour tended to be the largest two parties overall.
Speakers were often comical in their extreme earnestness. Resolutions
b B ci ve r

were passed on all aspects of world poUt tics. And national, student and local politics. Probably in that order. Never mind the fact that a lot of the political players who received letters of support or condemnation from the LSESU were not the slightest bit interested.
Speakers were sometimes so earnest about their own causes that they lost all contact with reality. I remember a year when the student body decided to fill nearly all the representative positions with gays and lesbians. One UGM, the (lesbian) Officer for Women Students started complaining about condom machines in the toilets because "condoms are offensive to women". The following week, a pretty lady on the right of the house decided to wind her up further by wearing a tight sweater sporting the words "Boy Toy".
The right did not often win a vote. I do however, remember one historical motion. After describing at length how and why socialism had failed, the motion concluded with: "Union resolves to make the Beatles song "Revolution" available on the juke box in the Three Hins." It was passed.
I cannot really judge what Union Meetings are like today because I have only attended one so far. It was the first meeting of the 2001/02 session and it was much less worthwhile event in terms of size, quality and entertainment value.
The OT was half empty. On my way up to the balcony, a rude little boy barged past me with a large pile of free-bie newspapers. Was he planning to distribute the Daily Telegraph at the UGM? No. He was planning to chuck entire newspapers off the balcony. I was used to order papers being turned into projec-
That was last year. This year, my impression is that students have become much more politically active. Students tend to respond when the need is there.
The political situation of the mid-Eighties affected students directly. We were under attack, financially, politically, in the media | and, on occasion, through petrol bombs. (The latter were the end result of a smear campaign waged against the LSE by the Evening Standard.)
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TIME CAP5ULE
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Though climate change, war, breaches of International Law etc. have not affected us directly since London has not experienced neither floods nor landmines, there does seem to be a much higher awareness than last year. This is also reflected in the number and activities of LSE societies.
Societies
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LONDON SCHOOt. OF ECONOMICS ATHLETIC UNIOM
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Why don't they have such cool societies today as they did then....
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tiles - but this?
The meeting consisted mostly of sexist comments from a bunch of UK schoolboys. Had it become that much easier to get a place at the LSE? The level of political debate was abominable. When a naive young American protested about links being drawn between the September 11 attack and its (obvious and well-knovra) causes, using the words: "This is an insult to Israeli and American students", it did not occur to anyone to ask whether we shouldn't be more concerned about Palestinian children being allowed to attend primary school than with pleasing Israeli students; whether another attack on more innocent Muslim civilians was, in his view, the right way forward; etc.
One of the first things I did upon my return a year ago was to look through the list of LSE societies. In the fc iii	i
Eighties, the biggest was the Tequila Society, because it put on the best parties, a role which today seems to have been taken on by the Athletic Union.
Other big societies included the Socialist Worker Student Society and the Labour Club, followed by the many cultural and other political societies.
So what were the interests of LSE students now? Well, there was the Accoimting & Finance Society, the Management Society, the E-Commerce Society, the Finance Society, the Investment Society, the Business Society, the Asset Management Society... . The list seemed to go on and on.
Cost of Living
Studying at the LSE had become a very major investment and people were now primarily interested in the career at the end of that investment. Fees for many courses had risen by approximately a factor of five (less for non-EU students, who had always had to pay high fees). The cost of living in London had gone up at least threefold, probably more.
My LSE flat in my first year (1985) cost me £22 per week. I remember one lady who considered this too expensive and decided to look somewhere else. Whether she found anything I do not know. A nice intercollegiate hall of resi-
Wonder if this will let you into Waterfront.
dence with two meals a day cost under £45 per week. My lunch in the Brunch Bowl used to cost me £1.05.
(Inter-) National Composition
The composition of the student population has changed. The proportion of postgraduates has remained broadly constant at a high level. But the proportion of UK students has declined from not too far below 50 to around 30 percent. That from continental Europe has declined substantially, largely for financial reasons.
The second largest group of students, after the UK intake, now comes from Asia. These students' principal motivation for coming to the LSE tends to be, quite simply, its reputation and associated CV benefits.
Summing all this up: people are more focused than they used to be. Few come to the LSE just for the experience.
Overcrowding
The intellectual experience may still be very much worthwhile. But the physical experience has gone from bad to worse. The LSE I remember was one where students spent a lot of comfortable hours sitting around, drinking coffee and smoking. (Incidentally, smoking is another student pastime which seems almost to have disappeared.) I do not recall ever having to fight for space.
One, in my view, outrageous
aspect of overcrowding is that LSE Catering Services, who provide the food in the Brunch Bowl and the Robinson Room, now try to prohibit the consumption of food that has not been purchased from them. The Brunch Bowl and Robinson Room are public rooms intended for the benefit of all students and there is no reason why we should not bring a packed lunch. (Another thing that baffles me: 15 years on, the Catering staff have still not learned to dry the trays before they stack them up for us.)
Overall, there are now roughly 6,500 students where there were 4,000 previously (though distributed over at least six extra buildings). Classes used to be a civilised experience. We had desks, about 8 people to a class and plenty of interaction with the teacher. This still exists in certain departments and for certain course options but it did not describe the experience of the third-year students I taught last year.
Also, third-year and MSc classes used to be taught by the lectiirers responsible for the course. This is now no longer the case. Though, theoretically, this can be a good thing just as easily as it can be a bad thing, I would guess that the average quality of the class experience has diminished - because aroimd one third of these class teachers will be teaching the course for the first time and you get a lot better with experience.
Continued Next Week in Part Two of Our Look at Then and Now

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Globalization /s fact of life. There is no
visible alternative to the current world economic order, with the IMF and world Bank calling the shots. Yet, at the European Social Forum, there is an atmosphere of resistance. florence PERRETT writes from florence with additional reporting by ib rasheed.
"Close the shops. Close the restaurants, bars and markets" declared Italian columnist, Oriana Fallaci.
As most of you would have heard the European Social Forum has come to Florence. God knows why because it is not a very big city. Preparations started at the beginning of the week with most of Florence closing down and shops boarding up their windows. Police recruited from outside, with armoured cars and extra artillery, to add to the massive police presence. Helicopters could be seen patrolling in the sky.
There was a quite a bit of tension in the air because people weren't sure what to expect, and they were all fearful that the same thing would happen last time there was a similar protest in Italy. It is hard to forget the terrible events at the G8 summit held in Genoa in the summer of 2001. After a series of protests at various economic conventions held at different locations in the western world- the outcome of which the so-called 'anti-globalisers' deem to be socially unjust- the Italian police reacted with excess paranoia. The result: the killing of Carlo Giuliani and the midnight raid on the school where the protesters packed in for the night.
Europe. In the evening there was a big concert in Santa Croce. Lots of flags
with
Legacy of the October Revolution". Highly appropriate given the nature of what was to come. Russian scholars, in their language, performed it. The ideas of the inspirational leaders of the past: Trotsky, Bukharin, poet Marina and philosopher Jean-Paul!!!
The big day arrived and there was a march from the station to the stadium. They had to cut . across the outskirts of the old city as the city centre was closed. Ulrika and I joined the procession at one thirty. It was huge and went for miles. We were right behind a band to begin with. Everyone was dancing, clapping and chanting, 'Firenze, Firenze...' We got to the stadium at 5 or 5.30, where there was another huge concert. There were tonnes of people. Most of them wise enough to have brought food along with* them, unlike Ulrika and I who only had our cameras. Neither of us had eaten much all day, so we were exhausted when we got there. The prospect of having to walk all the way back wasn't too exciting either. It was stunning to see so many people all there in the freezing cold with their flags and slogans. They just kept coming...If I was writing this article a week earlier I would have been gloating about the fantastic weather. But ever since Wednesday the weather has changed so dramatically and it is freezing cold.
Forum so there were people sleeping out in the streets over night. Most of them were in hostels but there are not that many around and anything more than a hostel is really expensive in Florence.

So when I went out on Wednesday morning ? everyone was very quite. The tourists, many oblivious to the nature of the Forum, could be seen wan- ^ dering around in a daze. Florence was closed for business! People started arriv- ^ ing the same day, a motley crew of hippies from all over

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hammers and sickles flying all over the place, and people with Che Guevara t-shirts and stickers (For those who didn't know Florence is communist). And a great deal of patro nism towards Florence. Its the first time I've seen Santa Croce with more Florentines than Americans!! Thursday night my Russian friend Ulrika, and I went to see a rehearsal in piazza	della
Repubblica: "The
Unsurprisingly, Wednesday night was the beginning of the Social
y
- .1 111 I


MORE TO FLORENCE THAN DAVID
Anyway the whole event was an amazing experience. When in you're in a crowd you don't feel the chill. The atmosphere was so electric we had a really cool time. The best thing was that it was such a different feeling to what Florence is normally like!! Florence has such a fake atmosphere about it usually. Italians, even if they work there, are rarely seen socialising in the city centre. You never see Italian school children. They keep their social life separate to that of the tourists. So it was cool to see the true Florentines and see their patro-nism towards their city.
Of course there was none of the trouble that the authorities were expecting. The Italian right-wing parties had been spreading rumours of violence for the past few months and managed to persuade businesses to shut for the day. As a result, while walking back to the centre everything was closed and we felt shut *	out in the cold. By the
' ' 1 stadium there was a row of outside toilets each full with its own queue! And for those who were hungry there were only two hot dog stands, which will be rolling in money, as they were the only ones feeding thousands of people. Activism is tiring business.
b e aVB r


Last Winter, Brian Choudhary
led a small team of people
Now onto the real part of the journey. I was woken by the
across the sands of morocco as conductor in the morning the .	_	next day and was informed we
part of the adventure travel
Society. Here he explores his
adventure into the deep desert of morocco.
We flew to Malaga on December 29th, we had to be in Marrakech by the 30th. This was the cheap way to Morocco. Sit with old age



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pensioners on their package flight to Malaga, take a bus to Algericas in Andalucia, and cross over. The flight was uneventful, as was landing, and getting to Algericas. Once we were there, it was off to Tangiers.
Tangiers in many ways is still the "Casablanca" of the movies it was 60 years ago. The movie was called Casablanca, but the actual city it depicted, which was League of Nations neutral territory, was Tangiers. It was full of different spies and nationals, all conducting some dodgy business behind a counter. It hasn't changed much. Tangiers today is the gateway to Europe. It is full of pimps, prostitutes, and Africans looking to start a new life once they cross the straits of Gibraltar. There was also a host- of older gay men, going to those "special" hamans where they could get a wash and then some. On the ferry over, I was approached by one, and kindly declined his offers,
but was explained the scene. He flies down from Stockholm once a month to Malaga on business,
and uses the ferry to go over "discreetly." On the more pleasant thoughts,
once we docked in Tangiers, it looked like a completely different world. Getting out, we got into the first taxi we could to the train station where we took the overnight train to Marrakech. Unlike other countries in North Africa, there weren't too many hustlers, this is because Morocco has a special army division called the "Tourist Brigade" whose sole purpose is to give hustlers a nightmare. Soon after it came into being, hustling slowly disappeared off the streets of Morocco.
had arrived, I took a sleeping coach so I was relatively awake, however once in Marrakech, I was picked up by my good friend Akim who was going to take care of me for the next few days. We got tickets to a New Years Eve party which was happening on the Algerian border, in this area called M'hamid. We hanged out the day in „ Marrakech, eating amazing food for an amazing bargain. I explored the main square in Marrakech inside the old city walls	called
Jemaa El Fna. It is an enormous souk which is right outside. There is nothing more pleasing than sitting there all day in the shade drinking Morroccan Whiskey (Mint Tea) and watching people haggle over goods. The sunset was magical, and the
entertainment that evening was amazing.
The next day, we headed out by bus to M'hamid, and we got to pass some larger older Berber cities along the way. Morocco is mixed between Berbers and Arabs, with Arabs living in the North and Berbers living more inland. We drove through Ourzazate, and Zagora. We stopped at a pitstop in a berber village,
and saw a peculiar site for Morocco, a bar We went inside and we saw some beers on display and a couple of the locals drinking it. We had a beer and they asked us if we
entire city it seemed, everybody was running around on camels. Now I realized why this new years concert was so far away, dunes. Miles of dunes. Straight out of Frank Herbert. It felt good to touch the stuff. Most of Morocco is not sand dunes, there is quite a bit of green-
flying around, giant bowls with covers on top were brought to you straight from the fire were they were cooking. This dish, called Tajine, is eaten with bread, no forks or knives. I met the people at my table, it was quite a diverse bunch, everybody was having a good
m

ery since it was quite fertile plain and the Sahara just touches it. I spent the rest of day rolling down dune and playing with scorpions. The event was quite well planned, we gave our tickets at the entrance of the area and explored a bit. We found some musicians playing this music called Gnawa. It is of African origin, brought by slaves to morocco. They were having a "jam" session, so I decided to join in and picked up an instrument. I was playing the tambourine for the next two hours. The music is very rhythmic, like house music, and is easy to get into.
Then the event started, we ate in a giant tent full of tourists, food was
time. I went outside, and was greeted with quite a site. On the top of eveiy sand dune, there were torches lit so you could walk around at night on the dune. Then the music started. First they began with traditional Moroccan music but then it turned into western music. Once music style that quite impressed me was middle eastern sounding house music, its all the latest rage. Anyway I grabbed my bottle of champagne I brought and uncorked it and the rest I don't remember, other than what I heard. Went on a camel ride apparently and slept on a dune somewhere.
The stage they setup was impressive as well. There were white sheets with lights behind them in the background, and the bonfires on the hill combined with it was quite impressive.
Return journey is coming up In Next Week's Issue
ACROSS THE SANDS OF TIME
liked it. It tasted like something halfway between the beer somebody left on your counter during your party and you drank the next morning and sand. Anyway we were back on the road and we reached M'hamid in the evening. It took 12 hours to get there!, but it was worth it.
The town was small, there were only about 10 cars in the
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Mighty Mighty Vines
ELLIOTSIMMONS checks out the NME Term Warefare Tour as it hits London

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Hailing from Liverpool, The Bandits know how to steal a good tune. Their set leaps from songs reminiscent of Cliff Richard & the Shadows, to Ska, to some ill advised heavy numbers -like Embrace they are only comfortable at two speeds: slow and medium. A young band that the label 'melting pot' is not wasted upon.
Why are they here? Nada Surf have captured the sound of the IVIiddle School disco circa 1990 -Bryan Adams & Bon Jovi- and seem intent on forcing their tasteless brand of dull college rock upon UK audiences. They end their set by raping Joy Division -with a cover of "Love will tear us apart". Hang the bastards.
Craig Nicholls is a star. You can't take your eyes off the boy tonight; whether you wanna fuck him or steal his act. His erratic personality lies at the heart of The Vines broad appeal; with their mastery of short energetic punk and sun kissed ballads. Craig wants to ride into the sun. We better get used to living in his shadow.
Readers will be pleased to know that our lucky Vines tickets winners had a fantastic time at the gig.
If you weren't lucky enough this time, look out for future connpetitions in B:Art,
And remember to log on to:
www.vodaphone.co.uk/students
for some great mobile offers including 10% off your phone bill for the next three years!

< 14 >
Craig Nichoiis: Erratic drama queen
C music )—
Q and not U
( b:art )

MIKEBURN in a van down a back alley in WCl talks to DC disco liardcore trio Q and not U
The police are suspicious of the Q and not U-mobile which is parked conspicuously round the back of Oxford Street's scuzzy ultraviolet lit Metro bar. Perhaps the police know something you probably don't. Yet. Haling from Washington DC, US of A, Q and Not U are over the Atlantic, in the UK for the first time. Tonight they play the afore^escribed Metro bar and on Sunday they are supporting the almighty Fugazi.
Despite Fugazi man and Dischord co-founder Ian Mackaye producing both the band's albums to date, they have never played together and the band are looking forward to it. And it's been a relatively short journey to the dizzy heights of Dischord stardom. The band formed in the summer of 1998. They were then a quartet comprising of John Davis, Harris Klahr, Chris Richards and Mathieu Bourlique and in 2000 they released their debut album No Kill Beep Beep. This was a release which infused hardcore with more complex, 'mathier' elements. But since then the band have parted company with bassist Mathieu and recorded Different Damage an album with more subtle elements of No Kill Beep Beep combined with a more define(||:j groove and a more pop sound. Different Damage is also an album of intelligence and emotion. It is highly danceable yet highly engaging. A sure fire contender for album of the year; ?$i4'g| Discover Q and not U and you won't be disappointed. Q and not U excite and teach an^important lesson.
It is not the erroneous and despicable bands of the incomprehensibly illusory 'antipodean rock' or the 'no-name' non-genres, created by the fuckwits at NME, who are going to rejuvfr nate or save guitar music from impending death by mediocrity. It is those bands who are causing it. Q and not U are the intelligent, well informed antithesis to that. Instead of opting for plagiarising their influences, they produce music whichjsJofor'TiGd by what they listen to but not formed by it. Chris tells me he listens to Daft Punk and the Meters and as a drummer he is preoccupied with groove. Which is obviously fer better than saying you've been listening to a lot of Bleach circa Nirvana and becoming preoccupied with recreating It.	¦; ^
Q arKi not U are clearly being received well by the kids who know exactly what Dischord is synonymous with. The Q and not U live performance is full of energy and ittias a They ssem to create a perfromance which is unlike many other rock bands. The Metro is sweaty and the kids down the front are loving every minute of it. And wisely.
After meetlnga^watch Q and not U I am left with a renewed passion for guitar music. Q and not U reminded me of now good it can be at its best. Whilst the NME is the PR fuck puppet of corporate rock, bands like Q and not U will hopefully plough away, untainted by their evil brush. Kitty Empire's recent review of Different Damage claims Q and not U are in the wrong zip code to exploit the en vogue post punk explosion which is coming from New York. Music isn't about where you are from or what scene you can into and Q and not U know and prove this. ^
Music and fashion are tragically becoming inextricably linked whilst their relationship is intangible to say the least. But Q and not U are the saviours of rock in that they remind us of everything that is good about rock





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singles
ALICE MARTINEAU IF i FALL
This over-produced bland whining, with repetitive lyrics has clearly been influenced by the Cranberries, but will never come close to being even half as good. This can only possibly be enjoyed by loved up teenage girls with no taste.
KRISTYMACLEOD
JENNIFER LOPEZ JENNY FROM THE BLOCK
It's the return of the big assed beauty from the Bronx. Hot on the heals of the Murder Inc collaborations J Lo's still digging the rap route, adding a layer of honey tinged vocals to an othenwise insipid R'n'B stomp. She may have an ass insured to the value of Tiffanys,
but shes still old plain Jenny from the block. Whatever.
????? CLAIREWILLIAMS
SHAKIRA OBJECTION (TANGO)
Having just reviewed David Gray's album, this is something of a come down. Trying to model J lo (minus pert ass), Shakira clearly has a sexy voice but not as marketable as her front cover picture. Black PVC, puppy dog eyes...very eye catching. With a very latino, perky chorus, this single will sell brilliantly but she should have been a porn star.
ASIBALI
MISSY ELLIOT WORK IT
HELL IS FOR HEROES NIGHT VISION
Hell Is For Heroes exist in musical limbo; they're too metal to be punk and too punk to be metal. Although Night Vision isn't musical genius, it is still an infectiously catchy, riff-laden track that is perfect for when The Dillinger Escape Plan are Just too daunting but there's still a need to rock out. And Trail Of Dead are in their video. Driving a convertible. That by itself is enough to make the band worthy of SERIOUS respect...
JAZMINBURGESS
I AM SPOONBENDER SHOW ACTUAL SIZE
Synth riffage from the band to which Rscherspooner are heavily indebted. Like Add N To (X) meeting Le Tigre in a brothel of robots. Oblique social commentary and corpulent synth grooves are forged together, which making for a fantastic EP Any one who claims to listen to electrocaSh does so unadvisedly if they haven't heard IAS.
MiKEBURN
BIG BROVAZ NU FLOW
Judging by this rather feeble effort, don't expect Big Brovaz to be very effective at protecting you from beatings down in the 'hood'. This is a rag-tag, bandwagon-jumping, poor-man's Outkast stab at garage/r'n'b success, the only distinguishing feature of which is the fact that it's better than Blazin'Squad's barry-boy anthem Crossroads.
????? VICPECKETT
A blisteringly phat 45 from a scaled down, sexed up, mini Missy. This is a lust fuelled gem of a track which drops like a libido bomb, causing waves of horniness on the dance floor. Like all the best, the beat is simple, as are the rhymes but with maximum devastation. Get your freak on and get to work with Missy.
?????
MIKEBURN
TORI AMOS A SORTA FAIRYTALE
I always get the impression that it's PC to like Amos (woman singer/songwriter etc etc). The single is a nice enough reflection on what could have been in a relationship. But it's too slow for my liking and comes across as really girly. It lacks the punch you'd expect from someone with her reputation.
irkirm NAZIARAHIM
RAINBOW IT'S A RAINBOW
This is beyond comprehension. My mind will be fucked for weeks. This is a 'interpretation' of the Rainbow (Zippy, Bungle, George et al) theme song with a 12' remix and rock remix. Whoever is responsible for this was quite clearly whacked out on the ecstasy pipes and fucked & bombed after intravenously injecting the brain with cake. This is a psychedelic happy hardcore acid mong trip from the crotch of the satanic rainbow lord .
RADIO 4 DANCE TO THE UNDERGROUND
As Gang of Four continue their posthumous attempt at becoming band of the year. Radio 4 release the mighty DFA produced Dance to the Underground. This is a disco riot in the making. The component parts of rhythm and groove are both very much in place and the track establishes them as one of the key new (ly emerged) bands of the year. The Faint, DFA and Playgroup remixes are predictably jaw droping. (5)
?????
MIKEBURN
MIKEBURN
LIARS
FINS TO MAKE US MORE FISH-LIKE
Angular guitars so edge cutting it hurts. A rhythm so seizure inducing it is frightening. The Liars have come for our children and I think they'll get them. A more prog, math rock influenced take on the current 80's British post-punk revival. Always manic and crazed, always grooved and aggressive. Can you hear them?
?????
MIKEBURN
1
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Competition!
A
Beaver Music is being lovely to you again and giving you the chance to win a pair of tickets to see Our Lady Peace live in concert at the London Astoria on November 18th.
Also we have a signed copy of the band's latest album 'Gravity' to offer you as well.
We're just too good to you aren't we!
To enter answer this question: What is tlie name of Ouf Lady Peace's lead vocalist? As ever answers to MIKEBURN at m.r.burn@lse.ac.ul<
Best of luck to you all!
yWinner will be notified via email by Friday 15th November.
IMPEICE
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LOSCIL SUBMERS
J-WALK A NIGHT ON THE ROCKS
ISIS OCEANIC
GODSPEED YOU BLACK EMPEROR! YANQUI U.X.O.
IRON MADIDEN EDWARD THE GREAT
Out of Vancouver sprawl loscil on Chicago's highly thought of Kranl<y label. The home of enigmatic music: music which defies convention and has typically been thought of as 'post-rock'. Now, however, the term has been used, dissected, abused and regurgitated to such an extent it means nothing. And besides loscil's music is beyond such crude genre constructions.
If music should revolve around melody and chorus and verse and stringent production values then this album fails on every count. But however, if music is to be (re)claimed as an art form these values should be decimated and made dormant forever. Submers goal is undoubtedly not to do this but it certainly helps.
This is music on the micro level and not the macro. Minute rather than grotesque; a purposeful rather than a narcissistic exercise. You have to listen to be rewarded and preferably with headphones and dimmed lights.
It is true all the tracks here are named after submarines, which is a potential conceptual obstacle but this shouldn't stumble the listener too badly. This a beautiful album of articulate sounds and intricate textures which combine to provide a thoroughly rewarding listening experience. (9)
Incredibly bland fodder this from Fisher and Desai, aka J-Walk. Even the most die hard of Gilles Peterson fans is unlikely to find this album much more then a mildly pleasant experience. There's already a lot of this "lounge bar" music present in the land (St. Germain, Groove Armada, Nightmares on Wax to name but a few) and this fails to add anything remotely new to an already tedious genre.
The main problem with nearly every track here is that none of them go anywhere - hear the opening idea and you've heard the entire track. You keep hanging on, waiting for something interesting to happen and it never does. Gits.
There are good moments towards the end of this stale affair. The uptempo, electro clashy "Tears Like a Wave" does wake you up briefly but consciousness soon starts to fade again with the proceeding track, "Caught On The Hop" which attempts to "get a little funky" but, like the majority of pap here, simply becomes repetitive.
(5)
The realm of avant-noise is certainly a complex area. Metal has always been stigmatised as has music of a more artistic nature. A combination of the two would indeed, to the average pop-consumer, be monstrously preposterous. Isis, it could be claimed, make art-metal. Music which is inherently heavy yet without the prerequisites of goblins, being narked and fucking.
Isis are unquestionably prog but have much more depth to them than your average self indulging, Satan loving, metal fret wank band. Also Isis are not 'metal6' as in the highly polished, highly commercial, heavy rock bands of today.
Oceanic is highly challenging. Hard riffage and frustrated screams are juxtaposed with more subtle, more intelligent passages of music. Similar to noise bands like Zeni Geva and Yona Kit but with elements of the Swans or Brice Glase. Ists is a metal band for the 'post-math-indie-avant-guitar-kids' something that doesn't reek of commercialism or preposterousness like so much of today's supposedly heavy music. (8)
MIKEBURN
NEILGARRETT
MIKEBURN
Where exactly notions of progress in music of a progressive and challenging nature, can be found, and how they can be defined, is obviously a problematic which plagues bands that engage in such music. The latest offering from GYBE! is, in many ways little different from their previous work. It is a consummate piece of outstanding musicianship and artistry, but it becomes apparent here, the Godspeed format is in danger of becoming a little bit too predictable and unchallenging.
They have through their measured success become less enigmatic and potentially less engaging. But this is not to say, however, that they have become passe and unimportant. On the contrary, in fact, they still remain one of the most important groups producing music today. Theirs is a dynamic which they have masterfully explored and demonstrated to perfection on all of their previous releases and this is no exception. The critical niggle aside, yanqui u.x.o., is an astounding work; ultimately as hypnotic and commanding, subtle and aggressive and deep and powerful as ever.
And to nullify the previous criticism. it matures immensely upon repeated listening. Gradually the sophistication emerges and the sound is joyfully cinematic and the tonal contrasts are perhaps more emphatic than ever before. And in conclusion the progression of the GYBE! sound is subtle but sublime. (9)
MIKEBURN
Iron Madien are one of the most important British rock bands of all time. There fan base is unbeleivably hardcore and the music still manages to sound fresher than anything today's British rock bands can muster.
This collection covers all of their best moments. Including many chart hits. Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter is of course one of the greatest songs ever written!
This Greatest Hits collection is a far ¦ more worthy Christmas present than the majority of the wel timed, well packed Best Of's hitting the shops at the moment.
The Number of the Beast and Run to the Hills are other notable tracks but what you have here is documentation of a truly great band.
You will find yourself singing along in no time and that air guitar will come out of the closet.
It is ok still to like the music you liked when you were 12, when all your friends thought you were weird. As long as you're not still playing Dungeons and Dragons, of course.
It is wrong to like Iron Maiden and other 80s metal bands ironically. It isn't cool and it isn't funny.
Iron Maiden can confidently take their place in the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame.
(8)
MIKEBURN
After a blunderous disaster last week the chart returns and it does exactly what it says on the tin.
BeaverMusic veteran JAZMINBURGESS fills us in on what's been gracing her stereo over the recent weeks:
Charts to m.r.burn@lse.ac.uk please!
01 02
03
04
05
06
07
08
09
10
The Get Up Kids- On A Wire
Q and Not U- Different Damage
Karate- Some Boots
Cave In-Tides of Tomorrow
Bright Eyes- There's No Beginning To The Story
Garrison- Let's Fight (from forthcoming iodine EP)
Sean Na Na- Dance Till Your Baby Is A Man
The Promise Ring- Wood/Water
Fugazl-Repeater + 3 songs
Hot Rod Circuit- Sorry About Tomorrow
dO
PAULKIRBY checks out the most rock and roll band in the universe
Lets establish something early on. I fucking love Queens of the Stone Age. I bought my ticket for Monday night's Forum gig before I came to LSE and was not sent there by the almighty Beaver. This is a labour of love. I am hideously, hideously biased. I was Into Kyuss by the time I turned 14 and bought, digested and fell for QOTSA's first album before anyone knew who they were. Now that we've established my holler-than-thou-l-liked-them-before-you-did credentials let me explain that I am a convert. I find myself totally enamored with the sudden popularity of decent tunes and the market led rock renaissance which was so beautifully dispelled by Claire Williams a few weeks back. Why? Because when 50% of the audience are only there because NME told them they should be there's a whole lot less moshing and all the fanatical types at the front can actually breathe. Which meant that I could concentrate on the band and not on that crushing sensation where my ribcage used to be. The Queens pounded out aset so tight and Intricate that their drugs/sex/rocknroll/drugs/drugs/sex/more drugs image might as well have belonged to another band entirely. Josh Homme hardly said two words the whole evening and even the Instrument changes could be measured in seconds rather than minutes. It was one big hour-and-a-halflong wall of sonic pleasure. I am convinced that despite song titles like Better Living Through Chemistry and choruses that go "C-C-C-C-C-C-
COCAINE!!!" none of them were stoned. Well Mark Lanegan probably was. He stumbled on stage for his handful of songs.....sung them note/word perfect and then staggered off before
the music had come to a close. And what a treat it was to see him. (He was in Screaming Trees don't you know!)
The set was always going to be heavy on the new material and it was tunes like Song For The Dead and No One Knows that inspired the most movement out of the relatively lame crowd -few of whom seemed to know anything recorded before the turn of the century. Which is a pity because they didn't get their moneys worth out of first album airings like Mexicola or the simply sublime If Only. It is one of the understated delights of watching Queens Of The Stone Age to witness the polarised stage attitudes of Nick Oliverl and Josh Homme In action. Homme is calm and Buddha-like at the mike....his guitar strokes restrained... his face hardly contorting as he reaches for the high notes. Oliveri is an animal when he sings....screaming...howling....his eyes bulging out of their sockets....his bald dome punctuated by throbbing veins threatening to burst at any moment. He brings a crazed and visceral intensity to songs like Quick And To The Pointless which compels you to thrash your head as if there was no vitally important spinal column to worry about. And then within three minutes its over, Homme is at the mike again and Oliveri is all calm, playing his bass like a professional and looking like your normal everyday chrome domed sociopath with a foot long stoner beard. The inclusion of The Mosquito Song [the acoustic bonus track on Songs For The Deaf] was exactly what the set needed and would have been really quite emotive [sniff sniff] if the technicians hadn't screwed up the amplification on the cello so that we couldn't actually hear It. But that small grumble aside I went to sleep that night indebted to Queens Of The Stone Age for an evening of unmatched sonic satisfaction and with Homme's words ringing in my one good ear....."l want something good to die for....to make it beautiful to live".
CARROSSELL # 5 (LSE SU 05/11/02): NOT A PATCH ON THURSDAYS
Sometimes it's hard to believe how much people change. A few months ago McArthur Wheeler could have been filed under dad-rock and quietly forgotten. Yet, on the basis of tonight's performance, it seems they've binned their Paul Weller records and discovered a fusion of punk geetars and chipped vocals. Even the customary Elastica cover sounds exciting. Whatever next?
With the Oasis tour bus once again crisscrossing Britain, tribute acts like Idol have fallen on hard times. However, instead of learning the chords to 'Mr Writer' the boys have decided to write their own tunes. When I say write I obviously mean steal -in this case from the same wholesalers that clothed their hero's at their peak. Incredibly the end product is something akin to 'The Music'. Talk of being stuck between a rock and a hard place...
The Phase are a bunch of school kids trying to do an 'Ash'. Surrounded by family and friends cheering them on, they showcase their finest air geeter moves (with real geetars): their sights firmly set on a feature in their beloved Kerrang. If only they didn't take themselves sooo seriously they might not be so distasteful.
CARROSSELL # 6 (LSE SU 07/11/02): B4 THEY WERE FAMOUS...
Like their namesake 6oxer are a solid rock group, but they also possess the charm to appear on the Frank Skinner show without looking like twats. They start off in a playful mood before delivering a series of knock out blows.
Rocket Reducer really should be French -seriously their electronic influenced geetar pop is enough to have you emptying your wallet for Euros. However, like the Euro Star they take a while to build up momentum, but at top speed they are a sight to behold.
Sanitised rock 'n' roll, on a corporate tour, is the equivalent of a trip to the zoo -animals that were once sleek and exciting now overfed and dull; gaped out by people who will never know better. Rock 'n' roll in the klubs -intimate, loud, aggressive, full of self-belief- a chance to see musicians in their natural habitat. M.A.S.S -kinda like Debbie Harry fronting an ace garage rock band with tunes- are going eat you alive. N.Y.C finally as a natural predator...
CARROSSELL # 7 (LSE SU QUAD THURSDAY 14/11/02): THE FUTURE...
STOP PRESS: ENTRY NOW ONLY £3 FOR LSE STUDENTS!!! DNA Dolls
An album launch can only mean one thing -free cds & t-shirts to those that come down early! From a glamorous group that conjure up early Manics, Bowie, Mansun and Roxy Music. Featuring 'him' out of the Sneaker Pimps.
Koogaphne
Utterly charming female led geetar pop.
Doubledown
LSE's finest band play LSE's finest student night.
Elliot - e.c.simmons@lse.ac.uk
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^ THE END: 22ND NOV
For all the bassheads out there, this one looks like it could go off in a way that only D+B events can. Serving up the treats in Room 1 are:
DJ Hype
Twisted individual Mampi Swift Marcus Intalex DJ Zinc Friction Transit iVIafia
IVIC's: Skibadee, Det, Foxy, Eksman And for your delight in Room 2:
High Contrast DJ Addiction IVIarcus Intalex TK & Slider
We all know that this is destined to be a night of extremes-up to you what they are...
f Do you go out? ^ Course you do so why not write about it? Experience the heady rush of your name in print and never shell out on artificial stimulants ever again. No experience is welcome, just write your review and E-mail it to:
lseclubbing@hotmail or T.0.IVIiskin@lse.ac.uk Also, if you want to get involved with the section in any way just drop us a line.
t
and yesHTfin
t for you- DJ'S from
INTRODUCING... the hidden genius of the LSE's very own ' record changers par excellence.
This week sees the first in a series of profiles of Dj's who regularly play out at all your favourite Ise music events. Ranging : from the beautiful to the grotesque, there's something here for everyone and the series starts with El Presidente of the UDMS, Rick Visinho.
For those who don't know,
the UDMS is the underground dance music society but don't take this too literally- its a very broad church.
Anyone Interested in hearing some decent music and thought that crush vras only about "its raining men" (the geri version) need to check this out. Regular events are held in the undergorund bar- keep your eyes peeled for the posters and you can also hear the dj's doing their thing on the web at www.ise.ac.uk/clubs/udms, every thurs-day evening from 6-8pm. Anyway, over to the man...
Name; Ricardo Visinho
DoB; 30/10/1980
Course studying:
BSc Government & History, 2000-
DJing since: August 1999 Musical genres;
UK Garage (old sHool & nu skool), also
some US Garage, Fuhfq' House & Jungle
Venues played at;
The Quad (LSE), The Underground Bar
(LSE), Corks, Boo Bar, Ministry of Sound.
Favourite DJ; EZ
Favourite MC; Viper and CKP »
Favourite producers; Todd Edwards, New
Horizons, Grant Nelsons -
Tuff Jam, MJ Cole, Jameson, Zinc... (1 could
go on forever!)	^
First Record purchased:
Armand Van Helden - You don't know me; Cassius Feeling for you Best rave ever been to:
Defected @ Ministry (went to quite a few of these but there was one in particular [I think it was in Spring 2001] that was too much - HEAVY!) Buskin's Birthday Bash @ Gass Club in Ayia Napa {Summer 2002 - To put it simply... FUCKING AMAZING!)
Worst thing that has happened whilst playing out:
Quite a few things have seemed to happen in the Underground Bar but perhaps the . worst was two years ago when 1 got asked to mix for Swing Ting only to find that everything was set-up wrong.^ When they finally fixed it (after everyone in there had been listening to silence for about 15 mins), I realised that they had plugged the decks in the wrong way round- fucking disaster!
MCAN FtDDUBR BY ARnANOeMENT WITH THB AOENCY PRESENT
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( b
^ film )
Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets
ELEANORKEECH: has got magical powers too
Director: Chris Columbus Starring: Daniel Radcliff, Kenneth Branagh, Richard Harris Running Time: 160 mins!
Certificate: PG
Release Date: 15 November 2002
Chris Columbus, famous for directing such films as Mrs Doubtfire, Home Alone and Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone now brings us the next instalment in the Harry Potter series. But what can we make of it? I know I'm going to get lynched when Harry Potter fanatics read this. Believe me - I love him in the books just as much as you do. I loved the first film too. But there's something that's not quite right with this next instalment in the Harry Potter series, and I think it's the fact that too much happens in the film.
Although it is a spot-on visual depiction of Hogwarts and the wizard and witchcraft world and the sets, computer graphics and costumes are fab, this is a.trap that so many book-to-screen interpretations fall into: they have too much matter to deal with. When I read the book, I thought that the plot was quite complicated for children's literature (and this was a child book? What am I doing at the LSE?... no, honestly - it's all complicated with the Slytherin's heir business and also the diary that writes itself...) but J K Rowling is such a good writer that she manages to tell an intricate story in a graspable style. This complicated
plot, however, is compacted down into a two and a half hour film (compact? That's pretty long going for a kid's film - another downside of book-to-screen films: can most kids maintain their attention for that long?) and, while it's definitely action packed and fun, it's also completely confusing.
The pace of the film is fast and the explanations of why stuff happens are neglected, leaving the actions of some of the characters and some parts of the plot bizarre to those who are less well-informed of the Harry Potter world. It pretty much takes for granted the fact that the audience has seen Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. If you've never read Harry Potter then I imagine that you wouldn't appreciate this film, purely for the reason that you won't know what is going on. But, instead of completely condemning the film, I recommend you read the books and see the first film, then you'll like this. Kenneth Branagh is fantastic as the pompous Gilderoy Lockhart, Daniel Radcliff is still the best at playing Harry, and don't forget the late Richard Harris as Albus Dumbledore: his last screen performance.
If I've upset you fanatics too much and shattered too many well-meant illusions, then I apologise. But as ever, the Beaver gives it to you like it is...
t
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Harry and Ron were shocked at the sight of seeing lain Bundred strip
CLASSIC FILM REVIEW Stand By Me (1986): ANNASEKULA hates the irony of it ali
Don't be fooled by the name, wfhich will no doubt conjure up Meg Ryan- type Romcom imagery. Instead, this is based on the horror-master Stephen King's book The Body, telling a tale of four boys battling to find a dead body before anyone else. Contrasting nicely to their adolescent take on life, the gang of older boys Intent on finding the body first, make for a nice change from Dawson's Creek wholesome teenage characters, with none of that wishy-washy school-pride and team spirit. Although it strays somewhat from the typical thriller genre King is so fond of shocking us with, it makes for an entertaining


Vern: Ha! Ha! Very funny, what
am I gonna eat?
Teddy: Why don't you eat your dick?
Chris: It'll be a small meal!
[after being handed a gun]
Gordie: Is it loaded? Chris: Shit no, what do you think I am, stupid? [gun goes off]
Chris & Gordie: JESUS!!!
More humourous than expected, scenes such as escaping an oncoming train or finding a leech down their pants will not disappoint and are aimed at a more adult audience than the typical teenage flick. The backdrop against a small, quiet Oregon town, provides a perfect setting to show-case the talents of River Phoenix, Jerry O'Connell (Tomcats and MTV's Joe's Apartment), Wil Wheaton (Flubber), Corey Feldman {The Goonies and The Lost Boys), Kiefer Sutherland and John Cusack.
Rob Reiner's interpretation of Stephen King's novella minimises the rambling most classic films have cherished, while even the adolescent humour enriches the enjoyment. Using Richard Dreyfuss' authoritative narration to capture the bond between men - a precious element missing in the sappy sentimental world of cinema. Stand By Me having been released in 1986, portrays an American childhood that does not even begin to reveal the horror of teenage-shootings that seem to be standard in 21st century America (see Michael Moore interview opposite!), but it does have its moments. Just don't expect any hardylines.
^ 20 •>
( »lni )-
Bowling for Columbine
ELEANORKEECH: thinks Michael Moore's got a point
Director: Michael Moore
With: Michael Moore, Charlton Heston, Marilyn
Manson, Matt Stone
Running Time: 120 mins
Certificate: 15
Release Date: 15 November 2002
M
ichael Moore may be better known for his TV satire of politics and American culture but here we see him delve into the world of film' (and not for the first time - Roger and Me was his first film in 1989 and he's made loads since). It's not often that a documentary makes it big as a film, but the US has just been obsessed by it and I'm expecting that the UK will yield en masse too.
Why this sudden popularity? Bowling for Columbine is a satirical take on the state of violence in the US today, starting from the grass-roots of gun crime in US schools in Michigan (concentrating on the Columbine High School shooting and also the shooting in Flint, Michigan - Moore's hometown - where a six year old boy shot his classmate) all the way up to the US's military interventions in all kinds of international affairs. There are a few mentions of 11th September, but that's not really the focus of the film. (FYI: it's called Bowling for Columbine because the two boys who went on the Columbine rampage started off their day with a relaxing trip to the bowling alley.) Moore directs as well as starring in it (if "starring" is the right word, perhaps "presenting" would be better) and uses a mix of so many approaches - one minute the film is deadly serious (coupled with shocking facts and statistics, especially on a comparison of gun death rates around the world), the next it's satirical (and not in a Daisy Donovan way by setting up people to say stupid stuff, instead he just lets them talk, and it's beyond belief that some people actually think they way they do...
( P
)

like the tofu farmer that defends the right to own a nuclear weapon if he so chose to - he was also best friends with the Oklahoma bomber Timothy McVeigh -and the real estate negotiator who thinks you're only responsible if you can use and own a gun and therefore can defend your family).
It's often billed as a comedy-documentary - I'm sure you'll chuckle at some parts - but in my opinion that's not the right way to look at it. The mix of satire and solemnity are powerful - there are some gruesome real-life scenes of people getting shot, so don't say 1 didn't warn you. And there's an interview with Charlton Heston, head of the National Rifle Association, but he comes across as laughably feeble and unable to defend his arguments with Moore. Moore is often called a bully by the press, but he's simply doing what any good journalist would do, and believe it or not he gets nervous about it (like any normal person). Moore said that he has low expectations of how much of an impact this film will have - he's not interested in becoming politician as such, but he hopes that changes will be made, be they small or large. One event in the film shows Moore taking two child victims of the Columbine shooting to the Wal-Mart headquarters as a means of "returning" the bullets that were used in the shooting back to the chain store where they were bought from (the bullets are lodged in their bodies in a way that means they cannot be taken out). The result of this? Kay Mart issued a statement that they will no longer sell ammunition in their stores. Moore was amazed, as I'm sure you will be. Go see - not just to laugh at small minded people.
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So what does Michael Moore think of his film himself? The Beaver went to the Bowling for Columbine press conference (with real journalists!) to find out. Here are some snippets...
Was the inspiration for Bowling For Columbine simply those terrible events at Columbine High School?
Moore: Columbine was the trigger. But it's been percolating in my head for a long time to do something about the American thirst for violence and why we so often use violence as a means to an end. I've been thinking about this since I was a kid, it's hard not to if you're American. I have clear memories of sitting on the living room floor on Sunday November 25th 1963 at around two in the afternoon, when my mother was vacuuming the carpet and I'm sitting on the floor close to the tv so that I can hear it. They're bringing Lee Harvey Oswald into the garage in Dallas, when Jack Ruby steps fonward, puts the gun in his ribs and shoots him live on tv. That's the first one 1 witnessed.
The film Is by turns shocking and blackly funny, was that a hard balance for you to strike?
MM: The first thing I had to deal with was people asking me how could I call it a comedy, as it's a school shooting we're dealing with. But of course you have to see the film to understand. I'm not making fun of that, there's nothing funny about school shootings. And that got me thinking about how it is important to tread where people are afraid to go, this is exactly where humorists and satirists should be going.
And of course the finale is a shocking interview between you and Charlton Heston.
MM: The National Rifle Association are agitating against the film because they are so afraid of what may come of what he said, and whether the press will start to focus on the racial comments that he made. [As a society] we try to avoid race as much as possible, and even when somebody makes a racist comment we just want to turn our heads the other way and hope that it's something else. So when he says in the film that the problem in America is our mixed ethnicity, and that he's proud of the wise old dead white guys who founded the country, the NRA has tried to shift some of the focus onto something else. But what are they gonna say - that we don't have a lot of murders in the United States? We don't have a lot of guns? What could they possibly say?
Is it true that you really suffer from nerves when you go and confront people for your films?
MM: If you knew me you'd see that 1 absolutely hate going into those places, my stomach is in a thousand knots. So in the film when I'm in the bedroom with this guy, and I can see the bullet in the chamber and he cocks the gun and puts it to his head, and he's crazy, whipping this gun around and I'm wondering what I'm doing there. I'm
frozen, there's no movement and my hands are poised for me to do something if I need to do it quickly. But when I watch myself in the film the most disgusting thing about the film is that I'm in it. What is wrong with journalism in America? I'm not the guy who should be asking the hard questions of these corporate leaders or the head of the NRA. There are people with degrees in journalism who are paid to do this, who are much smarter than I am. There's something wrong about this, this should be an embarrassment to the media to sit in the theatre and see me doing what I'm doing and asking the questions that I'm asking."
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Author: Reay Tannahill Publisher: Headline Review Price: £6.99 [Paperback]
Date: August 2002
THE SEVENTH SON
DALIAKING still can't believe that William lied to her
I studied Shakespeare's 'Richard III' for both my GCSEs and A-levels. After that four year stint, I reckon I could still spew quotes at random. 'Thou dost infect mine eyes!' being a favourite when I'm going through my militant-feminist stages.
Despite this, I can't say the prospect of reading yet another version of Richard's life story had me all agog with anticipation. It was more a sort of 'damn it, not again' reaction. I know he was a Machiavellian villain and longed for war; I know he was eloquent and had a way with the ladies notwithstanding the hunched back; I know he was supposed to have ordered the murder of the Princes at the Tower; I know the essay must be no shorter than 1250 words in length... whoops.
Before even opening the book, I prayed to various gods that Reay Tannahili's latest in her growing string of critically acclaimed historical bestsellers, wouldn't bore me to death. I've finished reading it and I'm still alive - a good thing for both Reay and myself.
I didn't think of dragging out my old notes once during the course of the novel; primarily because the book is markedly different from the play. To be expected perhaps, but it came as a shock reading of this 'attractive' young man. Where was the hunch-back? He certainly didn't seem to be 'deformed, unfinished and sent before his time' (another random quote) - was I missing something? Had William Shakespeare lied to me?
Though this is a work of fiction, the author only invented two of the episodes in the book - all other main incidents being fact - as factual as a novel about one of the great enigmas of British history could be any-
way. Richard's story is told from the viewpoints of his long-time friend, Francis Lovell, a character who obviously hit Shakespeare's cutting room floor; his two enemies Edward Vl's power-obsessed queen and Henry VM's conniving mother; and Richard III himself. The story told is one of brother against brother, cousin against cousin; one of love, hate and intrigue; one of women and their men, men and their greed. For those of you who find historical fiction engrossing you should probably add this book and all of the author's other works to your 'To Be Read' pile. It's well written, if a little prosaic at parts and unbelievable at others: "George's handsome nostrils flared"
A new erogenous zone perhaps?
However, Reay Tannahill does delve into the psyches of the people and their time with admirable ease and it was, overall an enjoyable read. No threat of death by boredom here.
If you're looking to wade into the world of historical fiction, this would be a good place to start. Here's an author who knows her subject and has the talent to bring it across to her audience with minimum fuss. The family tree and the road network of England are at the beginning of the book for reference. I would have said 'easy' reference if my eyes hadn't glazed over seconds after watching them - but that's just me. You may well find it helpful to trace the Houses of York and Lancaster over a century or two.
I won't suggest buying the book if you're not a fan of historical novels; but if you do happen across it, don't pass it up.
The Dog-Eared Section
TOMPRING starts us off with one of his favourite Carl Hiaasen books. SKIN TIGHT	/¦
Hiaasen's third book is one of the most entertaining tales I've read for quite some time - another classic Florida comedy crime caper which is, as ever, tightly (but wildly) plotted, with sharp dialogue and is branded throughout with Hiaasen's unique style of dark humour.
Ex state Attorney, Mick Stranahan has been married five times (all cocktaii waitresses) and has killed five people. The fourth person, a crooked Dade County judge, led to his resignation and early retirement. Now it is obvious that someone wants him dead when a guy from the Mafia calls at his home on the marina.
It transpires that Florida's most greedy and incompetent, yet most desirable plastic surgeon, Rudy Graveiine has an interest in Stranahan meeting a premature end. This desire goes back to a past patient that Dr Gravline did a nose job for. Shortly after the operation the patient was seen at the bus stop outside the hospital before going missing indefinitely. Graveline's concern stems from a follow-up feature story on the missing girl by TV's In Your Face program, headed by vain presenter Renaldo Flemm. The connection is that Stranahan interviewed Dr Graveline's nurse after the disappearance and the doctor wants to sever any connections between him and the miss-
ing girl, which might be dragged up by the TV show researchers. If anything it would be bad for business.
One of the great things about Hiaasen's books is the characters that he creates and their typically unfortunate endings. For instance, hit man Chemo stands seven feet tall and has a complexion like rice krispies have been stuck to his face. His unfortunate disposition is a result of a routine electrolysis procedure (to remove two in growing hairs on his nose) that went wrong. The elderly doctor had a stroke midway through and while valiantly trying to finish the job succeeded to burn practically every pore on his face. Following the incident
and perhaps understandably, Chemo promptly strangled the doctor and became a fugitive. My second case in point, relates to Rudy Graveline's brother - George, a tree trimmer. His particular messy end resulted from an encounter with his very own wood chipper.
Outstanding.
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( theatre >
< b:art
The Donmar Warehouse Celebrates Ten Glorious Years of Theatre
CHARLOTTESTEINORTH writes
Mark Strong and Emily Watson in Twelfth Night
Ever since it's opening in 1992, the Donmar has been a leading force in British Theatre. Under the artistic direction of Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition) the former warehouse, turned hotspot for the performing arts, has mesmerized audiences and critics, winning numerous awards for its productions of new plays, revisited classics and small-scale musicals. Its reputation has attracted some of the biggest names in film and theatre: Nicole Kidman famously stripped off in The Blue Room, Alan Gumming caused a sensation in Cabaret and Gwyneth Paltrow's performance in Proof earlier this year was the talk of the town.
Marking the theatre's 10th anniversary and Sam Mendes' departure ( Michael Grandage will take over as new artistic director), the Donmar currently hosts a beautiful production of Uncle Vanya and Twelfth Night. Exploring the theme of desire and love - unrequited and otherwise -both plays are performed by the same stellar cast, which includes Emily Watson, Helen McCrory and Simon Russell Beale.
But what makes the Donmar experience unique, apart from its highly acclaimed productions, brilliant performances and eclectic repertoire, is the venue itself. Housing only 250 seats, the former warehouse has an intimate feel, creating an intense atmosphere where the line between audience and stage is almost blurred.
Though tickets are difficult to get and are likely to stretch your budget don't despair: The Donmar runs a student scheme providing tickets at heavily discounted rates and access to special events such as dress rehearsals and model showings.
For more information about the student scheme e-mail:
office@donmar.demon.co.uk
The Donmar Warehouse is located at 41 Eariham Street (a short walk from the LSE)
Helen McCrory In Twelfth Night
PULSE RADIO
www.pulsefm.co.uk
Amy Cooper, Pulse Programme Controller, gets deepdown and dirty.
In the absence of any decent pics of the lovely Amy Jackson, you'll have to settle for Duncan "I'm Great" Adams, who's Pulse station manager.
Sorry.
Wslcom© to PulsG, the Quite literally underground radio station of LSE. Speaking to people over the last five weeks we at the radio station have realized that some of you either thought it was fiction that LSE had its own radio station or had never known where to find us.
Too many of you have never heard of us. We stream over the Internet from www.pulsefm.co.uk and quite obviously you can therefore listen to us all over the world. With the highest llstenership for a show last year being 80 we're hardly competing with the mainstream of Radio 1 but when we have e-mails from listeners from Sydney, New York and Reykjavik then it all seems worth it.
This year we've been pleased with the enthusiasm of our DJ's and the record labels and companies we've attacked for freebies. Pulse seems to be going somewhere and why not? We're an interactive radio station run by people who want to do it.
The day time gives you lively summaries of news, LSE events, gossip, competitions and reviews of events around London while the evening has more specialist shows. Mondays has a range of cultural and unsigned music shows, Tuesday brings you Az and his teams' Indie and Rock night, Thursday is Drum and Bass with Larry Black, and if you've got nothing better to do on a Friday night you could do worse than listen quality Underground Dance.
The full schedule can be found by logging onto the website at pulsefm.co.uk. So please log on, listen and give us your opinions, praise, and criticisms . We need your feedback! Hope you enjoy the shows!
If you want to get involved with Pulse, mail them at radio@pulsefm.co.uk

>
Page 24
The Beaver Sport
Tuesday 12th November
Shit University Tal^e 10 Of Tlie Best
Jan 'El Capitano' Wojna
LSE 2nds London Met
10 1
After arriving at Holborn tube ready for the days adventure, you could smell a goals-fest in the air. I wasn't disappointed as my boys came up trumps.
After a nightmare journey that culminated in a 20 mintue walk in the rain, we were given 10 minutes to get changed and warm up before kick off. As usual James arsed around in the changing rooms, painting his nails, etc. and, for the 59th game in a row, was last out onto the pitch.
From the outset we knew this team had the organisational skills of a crushed duck (unlike my honorary German efficiency, awarded by Jules) as we kicked-off on a pitch that even the under lO's would refuse to play on.
Their captain must have been giving the defence lessons in organisation as with less than 2 minutes on the clock they gifted us a goal; Lyle (sub 10 second man) popped up in the box and hammered home to give us an early advantage.
This was short lived; almost straight after the Met scum won a corner and equalised from a huge goalmouth scramble.
This must have shocked us into life because we began to pile on the pressure. Our dominance was rewarded with a penalty, after a gross error of judgement, one of the opposition handled the ball in the box for no apparent reason. Alex dispatched this calmly slotting the ball into the bottom right comer.
The floodgates were now ready to be opened; after good strength by Portuguese man Henry he played a defence splitting pass into Alex's path, who raced goalwards. Alex must have been very grateful so in return pulled the
ball back to Henry who gave us a 2-goar advantage.
He quickly netted another, after a good run on the left and a low drive to the far post. As half time approached, we stretched our lead further when Alex crossed in from the right for Jorg to side foot in. At half time we were 5-1 up and cruising.
The second half continued in much the same way as the first, we were ok, but London Met were woeful. Gamel was the next to get on the ever-growing score sheet with a good run and a clinical finish into the far comer.
The next 2 goals came from people who are usually more associated with glaring misses (nearly as much as me). To his credit Bos made a sly run across the box and after the initial good work from Lyle to play it to Gamel, his usually sublime control let him down slightly as the ball bounced into the path of Bos.
After a good first touch, he dispatched the ball into the far comer after sending the keeper the wrong way. His celebration matched his usual performances... pretty shite.
It was his first goal for 3 years, but I saw no reason for him to do a Rossi-esque dance (which only Griff will properly understand). James scored next after a bad clearance and smashed home from all of 3 yards.
Steffen managed to get on the score sheet too, with a nice dribble round the keeper before saving the best until last. Gamel - 'the African Nations player' drove a fierce shot from about 25 yards, high into the top right comer of the net to cap an excellent performance.
The ref then decided to blow up 20 minutes early for reasons best known to him, and we headed off the pitch after a

After finding the Grail, much celebratory man-love ensued
good work out that might have been closer had we played with our eye's closed.
The game left me satisfied (not happy), as we continued our 100% record. For the statisticians out there we have played 5 games now, scoring 22 and conceding 4 - an average of 4.4 goals per game which is very pleasing as we count down to our epic 6 pointer against Imperial on the 9th.
Kick off at 2.00pm if anyone wants to come down to, "The Fortress" that is, Berrylands and sample all the love in our team (preferable girls!)!
British Ambassador To Prague Witlidrawn After LSE
Tour Of Gunting
It is a day in September when Georgie Best gets on an aircraft for the first time. He is Going to Prague with Gunt, Oslo, Lynched, Tan, Z-Dogg, Handoncock andYido, to stay at the Clown and Bard Institute of Correctness, near the Prague School of Economics (PSE).
Upon arrival Best and his mates, wearing blue home shirts, begin the antics by pub-crawling into town from the great Viktoria Zizkov, who beat Rangers in the UEFA cup. Splitting up around 7, after a good 8 hours of beer/other admin, Best and Yido set off to a brothel; and Gunt and Oslo to watch Chelsea (draw with Fulham). They all reconvene later in Arena, which can
only be classified as Hombres, but with fit birds. It is after this event, and after Lynched nearly gets lynched by Germans and Tan has his balls stamped on by a stripper, that the seeds of Oslo's and Best's traditional "Sugar Sugar" karaoke are planted. It should also be noted that Yido and Best synchro-vomit after a shot of Burt Bacharach.
On the morning of the First Day of the Pikeys, Johno opens the bidding with "I really need to fuck something, Coxy can I fuck you?" This sets the scene for a day at the Cave, where the boys' popularity eventually culminates in stealing tea towels for bandanas. It was on this day also
that some fuckwit asks if they are computer engineers on tour because their shirts say "Have IT".
On day 3, Best is kicked off tour after an hour long phone call that cost him twelfty bohemian dollars, only to reapply within minutes with a stunning gauntlet run. By this time the boys also know the Ketchup Song dance, rehearsed during steak lunch at the Slav and Cabbage. As Handoncock leaves to have I.T., he bravely downs absinth on the way to the airport.
Absinth only costs 3 potatoes in Prague.
Boho as they are, the boys have to try out the N-11 club.
and Bainzy and Hazza dominate and become famous. Later, Bainzy graces the group with a drinking game that involves touching oneself. Even more Boho, art and pipes are purchased, as are docking tools.
Pints cost 30p in the Goat.
Scam of the tour: Handoncock being blamed for Gunt's vicious loop-fart that lobbed the group but nearly killed a waitress. Just because he is the last to say "it wasn't me".
If you have any stories concerning insobriety, let us know... only if they're Kevin Walitee though...

In the wrong hands, ie: on a tour of Gunting, this stuff could kill you. Fortunately, potato supplies were low that week...
Tuesday 12th November
Page 25
Virgins First IVIudslide Witli Local Poly
Ellie 'not a virgin' Vyras reports
Another Wednesday, another match. More matches than last season, yet not as many as the niimber of Rugby boys Lauren has shared intimate moments with this season (you know who you are) - maybe after Christmas we might break even. After last week's game, when those uneducated from Kent just wanted to re-enact scenes from Fight Club, this week it was a mud bath with Strand Poly -girls, mud, and wrestling - I had a good time and that was nothing to do with the Rugby.
Great start to the afternoon - we had a referee and Helena's boots. Not enough socks but weU done anyway. We started the game off with fifteen and they started with nine plus a tiy, oh well, enough said. They had an almighty No.15 -'She-Man' - she ran, we tried, and feU to the ground, again enough said. Then I woke up and turned my sexually frustrated energy onto the bitches from Kings who were having sex, and the baU was NOT going to go straight through my legs when coming out of the scrum -I must catch the baU, I wiU catch the ball, I need to fuck the ball!! Sony got a bit carried away - wouldn't you when your sympathetic flat mate Sarah 'yes I have bigger tits than you' comes strolling into your room interrupting you from an exciting Real Analysis problem, and starts getting a bit too
naughty on your OWN bed with Xander, and her response was ' It's my birthday, I can have sex wherever I want!' - this did not help matters. The weather changed, as did we. LSE scrum down, I gently roUed the ball to our resident hooker Hester's feet, with her soft, smooth, elongated legs, who tapped it to natural blonde Sarah, who gave way for our Captain number eight in body and on the pitch, who held the baU, which I then caressed with my hands towards Annie, to Kay who ran to the right then to the left, 'She-man' stumbled to the groimd through the confusion, Kay ran, King's ran and we watched - our score board and team gets turned on - we still love you KAY xxxx - it was beautiful, it was art, it was orgasmic. Then they scored again and it rained again.
Second half - and Ho Jo was having none of it. 'She-man' ran, yet again, and Ho Jo ran, big against small, ugly against pretty, a rugby slut against a rugby virgin. Ho Jo leaped and floored the bitch to the ground (about time someone fucking did!) onto the boys football pitch - a hidden agenda may have been there but are we to complain? As Ho Jo took on the very big 'She-man', our very own all-powerful Megan took on the rest of Kings or, through Megan's perspective, ants. Our very own Captain, getting a bit over excited, took


penalties faster than a boy virgin can come, and we had an almighty wall with the back four - Annie, Kay, Sarah and Sexy Kate - no boy virgin or Strand Poly girl was going to come through them. But the crown will go to Sophie, with her cheeky knocks in the lineout -accidentally pushing the Strand Poly bitch back to the groimd where she belonged - we won the ball - mission
completed. Whilst Jane and Lisa just snatched the ball out of their hands -not so cheeky, but stiU effective. The game ended for all except Hannah which just begun when she stepped into the showers and witnessed, larger than the Amazon jimgle, a big King's foofoo -Hannah is still traiunatized, and will be seeing a councilor twice a week - get well soon xxxx
HOT or NOT
¦ li 11 ¦ *
Mike the iVIolester
Randy Rex Walker
Paedo Pete Riley
Darius the Dong
You know how this goes: We'll send these photos in to www.hotomot.com, and we'll see how the general public view these bastions of LSE debauchery. We at Beaver Sports urge you to cast your vote, make your voice heard! Remember entrants, thsi is in no way a genuine rating of your visage, and we all know that true beauty is on the inside...
Naughty Nympho Nerys
Kate the Cleavage
C*ck hungry Chloe
Page 26
The Beaver Sport
Tuesday 12th November
Playboy Bunnies Win The Best
Game Ever'!
LSE 3rds UCL 4ths
5 2
The best LSE 3's' game ever', 'The best LSE game ever' possibly even the 'best ever game of football ever'. It all started on Saturday morning when we arrived at Euston station some two hours earlier than some of the others (for 'name and shame' purposes Dudu went to skool to work before football).
The others eventually turned up and we enjoyed a nice conversation about the intepretation of the word 'literally'. Until 5 minutes before we were supposed to leave we discovered that Will 'literal-ly'(100%) hadn't turned up! Will, our forever dependable, kwaleety keeper. What the fuck were we going to do we think -so we decide to all individually text him the word 'c*nt' to piss him off So Harry calls upon his legendary collection of Cambridgites to come down and help. This is a good job as we leave central london with eight 3rd teamers, Cyril 'ex-LSE 2's legend', Ricky 'pink jumper' ? and Fat 'Harry' Russian to make a formidable eleven.
We arrive in Yorkshire three days later. It is also raining. And really windy. Oh, and it's the fucking coldest place in the world. And the stupid Euston Tech boys decide to play on the pitch that slopes more than a " in a " that also happens to have the wind going downhill as well.
We decide to warm up for once as a tactical masterplan from Harry so 'we don't get injued'. UCL are c*nts as normal and only give us one ball so nobody gets to touch the ball before kick-off.
This is reflected in the entrie first half by a poor touch by most of the 3rds. Only the strength of the central defensive partnership currently exisintg between Harry and Dudu stops a flurry of early
goals for the home team.
However, the breakthrough came for UCL after around 20 minutes with two quick consectuive goals after some poor possession play from us. Without letting heads going down we fought hard for the remaining 25 minutes with Chris The Gremlin and Eddie combining well to create a few chances on the right side of the field. Their keeper was also Katy Lass and produced a world beating save (his first of three) from a drive from Davey B.
Half time arrived.
Harry built the moral up again with a defiant 'lets win 3-2' and we started the second half knowing we had the wind, rain, slope & Dudu with us. The conditions hadn't dropped much but, playing natural 3rd team football with the ball on the floor, Guilliame and Cyril, our FVench left-side, were creating much space on the left with Ricky and Dave unlucky to be caught off-side on a number of occassions. As always our central midfield were in top. Either in a 3-5-2 or 4-4-2 formation the stalwarts of Rossi and Liam have dominated every other univeristy team. The goal eventaully came with a large part played by both. Liam winning the ball and distributing to guillame who lifted the ball into the UCL area where rossi heading nonchant-ly and glancing the ball into the corner of the goal.
The second was on the cards but UCL were still fighting. However the LSE defence were as tight as " in a " and Harry was often in a position to bring out the ball and start the 3rd team counter-attack. The goal from Liam involved a lot of build up play and, although i've completely forgot what
happened, it was a bootiful strike well out of the keepers reach. The score was 2-2 and with 15 minutes left there would only be one winner, although would there be a winner?
The answer seemed to be no as although the possesion was 80% to the 3rds no goal came. After another 5 minutes of possession, instrumented by Liam, Chris and Eddy the balharived at Dave's feet who flicked eet up and hit it on the spin. It was destined for the goal but the keeper just managed to fist it onto the bar. C*nt.
Anyhoo, from the comer the goal came. Ricky popped up and blasted it home after the ball had bobbled around the UCL 6-yard box.
The crowd went wild. Well we fucking did. 3-2 up from 2-0 down away at UCL
one of our biggest rivals in the league. Stuff dreams are made of we think. But then we went to score 2 more courtesy of another excellent finish from Ricky and a badly taken finish after a half the pitch run from Dave Bains.
Kwaleety result.
So the league table shows LSEFC 3's right at the top and on form you really have to look at us for the league & cup double - fucking watch us on Wednesday night.
We're the 3rd team,
we're the 3rd team,
we're the 3rd team LSE
LSE Rugby 2nds Teach Yet Another Poly How To Play Sport
Psycho John tells all
The day started off badly as Woody forced the whole team to miss the train due to the two for one offer in Boots of moisturiser and nail varnish. Yet despite this early setback the team arrived fresh and ready to dominate. The GKT ground is set in an area devoid of any redeeming features whatsoever, things have not really progressed here and the greatest thing to happen to it was probably the good old Hun blitzing the place back in WW2, the Fortress it ain't.
As the Seconds warriors warmed up some tough managerial decisions were being made by	Coach/Manager/Technical
Assistant/Cripple "Psycho" John and the Mighty leader "Can't catch won't kick" Tristan. After a winning formula had been found we were ready to pound the puckered poo hole of GKT. But before LSE could demand satisfaction of the anal variety from GKT a ref had to be found. Making as many excuses as Saddam does for his nuclear missile shaped ice cream vans, GKT were running scared in the face of LSE 2nds might they quickly turned round proffered their a-holes and conceded the points. Would this be the end? Had victory been taken? Had it fuck like every bad poly there was the smell of filth in the air.
Emmo decided he would ref the first half and quickly changed into his ref's kit. After taking off his top to reveal a hideous chest merkin he then decided that his white T-shirt was not sweaty or disgusting enough. He promptly ran to the nearest graveyard dug up a corpse, stripped the poor man of his T-shirt and proceeded to wear it for the rest of the game.
The game was tight with excellent work from the forwards and the man who has never really played at scrum half before Pete. But then the game suddenly looked like it was going to change when a high kick went up. Tristan did his best to run away from it but the wind cruelly blew it back in his direction. With man and ball on an inevitable collision course there were two possibilities to catch it or blame it on a winger. The biggest cheer of the game went up when with previously imthought of skill Tristan caught the ball, it was going to be our day and no poly scum was going to beat us with inspirational leadership like that.
Going into the second half 7 points down it was going to be tough but Emmo was forced to cover his T-shirt with a rugby shirt by Health and Safety and start plajdng.
There was plenty of Shodeston Girls XV shirt swinging tackling but as a whole the team was working much better. Gibbo made some useful runs from fly half but still there was no penetration. Emmo got the ball set off on his run and opened the Grimsby fish market of kippers before breaking through the GKT back line. With Ginger John clean through for a try all Chris had to do was pass it but with fringe to the left of him and fringe to the right he just threw the ball up in the air uselessly.
Many of the players were confused by the second half ref which was stumpy, the whistle had an uncanny similarity to his own wheezing as he tnmdled round the pitch. A bit more fine tuning was made by the Sven like coach John and sure enough there were 3 tries scored in quick succession by who else but Tristan leading by example. There was good work by Tom with some Weasel like runs on the wing and the flankers Andy and Colin worked tirelessly. The Million Dollar face of Kiwi Nick was even risked in the second half, such is the commitment of the 2nds. The game was close but eventually won 14-17 there was room for improvement but also much promise from an early performance.
But no this is not the end of the story GKT have tried to claim the game as a draw to be rearranged it looks like we wiU have to demand satisfaction again.
ith Ginger John clean through for a try all Chris had to do was pass it but with fringe to the left of him and fringe to the right he just threw the ball up in the air uselessly.
Many of the players were confused by the second half ref which was stumpy, the whistle had an uncanny similarity to his own wheezing as he trundled round the pitch. A bit more fine tuning was made by the Sven like coach John and sure enough there were 3 tries scored in quick succession by who else but Tristan leading by example. There was good work by Tom with some Weasel like runs on the wing and the flankers Andy and Colin worked tirelessly. The Million DoUar face of Kiwi Nick was even risked in the second half, such is the commitment of the 2nds. The game was close but eventually won 14-17 there was room for improvement but also much promise from an early performance.
But no this is not the end of the story GKT have tried to claim the game as a draw to be rearranged it looks like we will have to demand satisfaction again.
Tuesday 12th November
The BeaverSport
Page 27
LSE Sporting Legends Dave Bainz
Guess who's back, back again........
Yes, after a Summer of love (erm...) and a Fresher's Week to remember (for a change- can't remember the previous two), the Beaver's favourite slanderous column has returned, and LSE's most wanted have emerged from their shadowy retirement villa on the Costa Del Crime to terrify the Sporting fraternity once more. This week's lucky winner is none other than LSEFC Club Captain, Davis Bains. For more information than you ever knew you needed about his sad pathetic life, read on.........
FAVOURITE ITEM OF CLOTHING:
Dave will usually wear anything as long as it hasn't been washed for three weeks, and has been used for at least three football practises. According to hushed rumours from the Met's finest down in the badlands of Surrey Quays, Dave is also suspected of stealing attire from the deceased in order to get the look he is after, or at least that's what he told the police when he was found cock-in-hand removing the underwear of one Dorothy Martha Winchester, born 1911, deceased 1979.
WORST ITEM OF CLOTHING:	^H|
This is a tough one between the girl's dress in Callela which he
claims wasn't his (yet clearly printed on the label was D.Bains) and
the pumpkin on the head which Dave used to hide his inner psyche lj|y H
from the torturous homosexual experiences he endured in Brighton.
The pumpkin and dress together make a great ensemble but seper-
ately represent a massive fashion faux pas.
AMBITION:
Our sources reveal Dave really wants to follow his hero and idol Ickle Deano into accountancy at Toilet DeDouche and Tomato. But his inability to do anything correctly and a massive self-pleasuring in the toilet at work scandal has left poor Dave checking all the tax returns for the entire UK at PWC. Dave was born to be an accountant with his pathetic grasp of the English language and patent inability to speak properly making him perfectly suited to the mysterious and exciting world of Personal Tax.
FAVOURITE TOTTY:
Dave's choice of birds could best be described as a wide church of womeri with many different shaped pews. One week they stink, the next week they are ugly but occasionally to his credit he pulls an absolute rotter. Dave's inability to find love at the LSE has led him to stray further afield (in his mind that is) and you can sometimes see him talking away on the mobile while rocking gently on his seat, staring sadly into the distance. When asked who he is conversing with, Dave will usually reply that it was his new lady friend from Derby, yet a closer look at his mobile will reveal that it was in fact "Big Busty Bertha, Pre-Op Transexual" with whom he became acquainted in a Soho phonebox. Dave has gone so far into his crazy world of make believe that he spends weekends up in his loft pretending to be back in Derby eating cans of tinned food to sur-
than anything else. While most of us put the fact that we were Chairman of Halls or Treasurer on our CV's Dave keeps pride of place for the fact he was voted "Hooligan No.1 2000-2001" at Rosebery. High points of his first year include putting a 40" TV into a lift, removing roof tiles burning them and jumping into a convertible Merc outside a strip joint. Who could forget his activities in the 4th Football team, the infamous pumpkin on head trip to Brighton or the 33hr bender with Harry, Omar, and a giant Christmas tree?
FAVOURITE HOBBY;
Upon moving into his new house in the crime ridden area of Surrey
Quays (The poor man's Bermondsey) Dave discovered the unused loft. This crawl space in the ceiling was just big enough to cram in his computer and all the other parts of his porn
¦ empire. Once safely in his "Museum", as he likes to call it, he passes the hours reading "Guns and Ammo" and fighting a furious battle with the one eyed monk while swimming in pools of his own faeces.
BIGGEST MISMATCH:
^ Dave V Jez's dad
¦ Apparently non-payment of rent results in an irate Mr Healy Still, with a record for fraud at such a tender age, Dave's accountancy credentials will be improved no end.
Dave v Statutory Rape
Losing his virginity at 13 yrs old... he insisted we put it
Dave V London Transport
Picture the scene..... As the LT's finest enter their bus
depot in dark and distant Essex at 7am, what should they find but a confused looking Dave asleep on the rear seat of the number 23 bus, giant shining lovebite testifying to his adventure with Beefy Brian at Tottenham Court Road's finest nighlife emporium, G-A-Y, the previous evening.
Dave V Tube Strike
As veterans of last year's legendary barrel will recall, LT's finest were the guests of honour at the annual friendlydrinks and nibbles with our delightful and much loved neighbours at the King's College Polytechnic of the Strand,	and it was all
thanks to Dave.
Well, there we go folks, another light-hearted look at one of the AU's favourite sons, and after revealing all Dave's pathetic inadequacies to the world, John and I will be returning to our well-deserved retirement. Future editions of Sporting Legends will be issued as and when more legendary behaviour occurs, but with the geekery apparently rampant in the First and Second Years, we don't expect that to be any time soon............
PAST CONQUESTS:	^	If you would like to become an LSE Sporting Legend, please get gratuitously
With little to put in this section apart from the fringe and th^cow we have decided drunk every day of your life and undertake sexual relations with as many horse-to devote his past conquests more to his acts of stupidity \	like creatures as you can find. Then maybe you'll have a chance.
8164 hrs: 32 mins: 12 sees
The Barrel: Are you ready?






BeaverSporfs
Tuesday 12th November	¦	Issue 565
We're looking for new people to fill in the role of Loz and Gaz... entries e-mailed to Beaver Sports please...
L5E Rugby Take On 1,094,486 Dummies
And Win - By Alot!!!
Pyscho John
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell it was the BIG SHOW (Anybody who doesn't understand this should watch more WWE). We arrived at the Fortress keen to reverse the previous weeks sham against Kent 2's. These farmers were going to take a bigger fisting than foot and mouth could ever deliver. As soon as the whistle went there was an atmosphere of domination or even invincibility in the air that was almost tangible. Kent 3's went backwards in atttack they went backwards in defence, in short they were very backward. We punished them and after sustained pressure Rex soon stormed over the line in true bombastic style with the bull bars sending the Kent pack flying(Dummy mmmmm Count 1). Kent simply had no answers for the additions of FC and Lamby in the new look LSE forwards. Mike was putting in some big hits and Kent were lacking in every department.
The backs soon got their chance to impress, as the ball was spread effortlessly by Pete, Rich got out his GCSE geometry kit and made
LSE Rugby	57
Kent 3rds	7
"Darling! Remind Me! Did I really wave my chopper around in the casino last night?"
some telling nms straight through the Kent back line (Dummy Coimt 8). But it was not any of the old boys who stole the show at the Fortress. Rex's young Padowan Weasel, Tom Weasel soon greased himself up and simply whored his way past the entire Kent team for a great try (Dimimy Count 13). As we went into the break our tails were up as was FC's cholesterol and nothing was going to stop us from dominating. In fact we were spurred on by the pros-epect of further violating what can be only described as the man who not only ate all the pies but all the cakes,buns and doubtless to say all the lard. No wonder you cant get Ginsters in the Tuns anymore because they are current-ly all reisiding in number 16 of Kent Tech. Feeling thoroughly refreshed after some citrus goodness a few important changes were made with Ginger John coming on at Hooker and Dipak on the wing. It was more of the same from us and little if anything from Kent. A small bit of pressure from Kent was soon put in its place by what can only be described as a cin-tilating hit from Rich Briton off a Kent penalty. Emmo made some outlandish runs from inside refusing to let anyone else play with "his" ball (Dummy Count 1050). If Emmo could do it anyone could and soon Kent were left watching as the backs and even some of the forwards spent most of the half running around throwing outrageous kippers (Dummy Count 1,094,486). I

am finding it very difficult to say anything polite about the Kent performance so I won't, they were ugly and they were Cunts. As Berrylands began to smell like Grimbsy Fish market on a warm summers day, Dipak made some great runs in the comer and the Weasel finished a great game by completing his Hat Trick. Gibbo's kicking was solid throughout making 6 out of 8 in difficult conditions. The touchline effort was made possible by some coaching tips from John on the sideline. A special mention ought to go to Colin who scored his first try for the LSE and then proceeded to celebrate by dropping to his knees expectant of the 14 man Bukkake he so richly deserved. Unfortunately the remnants of the LSE sperm bank had been used up on the prehistoric faces of Kent technical college.
As the mighty 2's retired to the Tuns for the warm down it was clear things were going to get sloppy. Weasel and Ermno saw off their monsters Uke they were sucking at their mother's teet and a steady flow of drinks was provided by the buxom wenches behind the tuns bar Oliver Reed once said "I don't have a drink problem. But if that was the case and doctors told me I would have to stop, I'd like to think I would be brave enough to drink myself into the grave" and with this life defining piece of advice the drinking continued apace. A special mention must go to Rich "The Callela Ferrymaster" Hayes, feeling enraged that momentum had been lost at about 10.40 he marched to the bar ordered 4 reef then promptly saw them
all off without a straw. Bravo sir. Everyone left at separate times, nobody knows how they got there but everyone knows the exact moment they walked into the great hall at Limeabout. After stumbling around for a while with a bottle of the sparkling finest it was time for the 2's to grope and molest as many women as they could find. The second team players can easily be identified on the dance floor, hopelessly drunk usually in some sort of circle, holding at least four bottles of Tooheys and Reef; drinking one while spilling the other three all over their shirt and trousers. When it comes to women the 2's shit 'em with the tried and tested drunken grope and breast fondle never failing to get a slap or kick in the sack (note to self it works in Leeds but it just doesn't fly down here.)
What can I say it was a great performance on the pitch an even better performance at the bar and I'll leave you with another one of Ollie Reed's quotes "Darling! Remind me! Did I really wave my chopper around in the casino last night?"
First Half - Matt, Piers, Mike, Dave, Lamby, Rich, Colin, Rex, Pete, Gibbo, Woody, Emmo, Rich, Weasel, Adrian
Second Half - Godderz, John, Mike, Dave, Lamby, Kiwi, Balge, Rex, Pete, Gibbo, Dipak, Emmo, Rich, Weasel, Adrian
The Barrel: Check out how long you've got to wait on Page 27
Send e-mails, cars, money, sweeties, lingerie etc. to h.featherstone@lse.ac.uk or g,h.carter(glse.ac.uk... you love it!!!!