The Beaver blink battles for democracy in Iraq: page 12 B:about does Valentine's: page 20 Sir Howard Davies silences his detractors at tlie UGM - page 5 'The concrete never sets on LSE' Ben Chapman Managing Editor major consultation project is to be launched by the School this week to gauge attitudes and priorities -regarding the long-term redevelopment of the LSE campus. The estate consultation, which the School claims will be the widest it has ever conducted, will aim to address problems such as maintenance, insufficient capacity and quality of facilities facing the campus in the next decade. Speaking at a Students' Union Executive meeting last week, the School's Director of Finance and Facilities, Andrew Farrell, outlined the need for a strategic estates plan, in order to prevent the "opportunistic acquisition of buildings" that have characterised estates policy in the past. Highlighting overcrowding as a key problem, he said that lack of space is increasingly leading the School to turn down departments' requests for new academic initiatives and courses. He continued; "bringing the whole campus up to an adequate state is necessary." One important coneideration when considering future options for the LSE estate is the unavoidable issue of the glass towers that make up significant parts of St Clements and Clare Market buildings, which will have to be "either demolished or rebuilt in no more than 8 years time", according to the Estates Options Consultation document. However, speaking to the Beaver last week, Chris Kudlicki, Estates Director for Projects and Facilities, said that the towers are "past their economic life, and they're also very inefficient. There's only 60% usable space in those buildings, they're cold, the heat escapes quickly. We just would not pay to rebuild those buildings in their current form." Library New St Clements Building New East Building Old Building New St Philips Building Kingsway The 'Masterplan' Developed in 2002/3 by LSE Estates Division and KPF architects, this plan would provide the required extra space, improve provision of open space and address building quality issues. Phase 1 calls for the demolition of the current St Philips block, and its replacement with a new building. Phases 2 and 3 involve the demolition of St Clements, Clare Market and East Buildings over a five year period, to be replaced by new St Clements and East Buildings by 2013. Condemned: these towers must go within 7-8 years. With this in mind, one possible option to be considered is the 'Masterplan' for the LSE site, as detailed above. However, major concerns have been raised over this proposal, including a major finance issue, in that the total estimated cost of the project is £110m; £50m more than the planned capital investment for the next ten years. When questioned, Kudlicki could not guarantee that the deficit could be made up by donations. In addition, there remains the problem of disruption whilst the work is in progress. Farrell conceded; "What I can't quite get my head around is what we do while redevelopment is taking place- Unless we've moved people out somewhere, either to rented accommodation or our own buildings, it will be hell in terms of noise, disruption and space." Other options included in the consultation include relocating to another site in London, and acquiring additional space around the perimeter of the current campus. The latter is also touted as a potential solution to the problem of decanting teaching and administrative space from St Clements and Clare Market. Although the relocation option has not been ruled out entirely, Fkrrell guessed that "95% of people who work here do not want to move off this site." The possibility of moving administrative staff away from the campus to free up more teaching space has been considered, however, with Farrell stating; "Desirable as it may be that they remain on site, it is clearly not as important as space for research and teaching." On the subject of acquiring new space, the situation is somewhat mixed. Director Sir Howard Davies announced at the UGM last week the acquisition of the Columbia Bar. Farrell confirmed that the new space will provide a "stu-dent-orientated catering outlet" with roughly the same amount of space as the Brunch Bowl, spread over three floors. Long-term the plan is to close down some existing catering facilities to provide more teaching space. In addition, the consultation document states, "the prospective acquisition in Simimer 2004 of Tower 3 Mobil Court will add significantly to the square footage available." However, whilst Farrell mentioned that the School had been considering other buildings in the Houghton Street area, problems remain in terms of cost (St Catherine's House on the corner of Kingsway is too expensive) and in terms of practical space (Aldwych House, between Columbia House and Clement House, would be unsuitable for teaching due to low ceilings). Farrell was quick to concede that a number of LSE estates projects in the recent past had not been as successful as many had hoped. In particular, he talked about the John Watkins Plaza, which has had to be dug up again over the last fortnight due to it leaking into the library archives housed below. The work is not scheduled to be completed at least until the end of February. He also described the concrete bench outside the Peacock Theatre as an "antitank barrier". Kudlicki was keen to stress that any plans contained within the consultation document were not prescriptive, and that the School was very interested in what people had to say on the redevelopment options. He said; "We would like as much feedback as possible, in order to get the community on board as it stands at the moment with the plans. It may be eight to ten years time, but people's views are important to us now. We don't want this strategy to be seen as an estates-driven strategy - it should be a strategy that is actually owned by the entire school." Students will have the opportunity from the end of this week to look at the various long-term options for the redevelopment, as well as to contribute short-term ideas, via a survey on the LSE Estates Division website. All feedback will be collated into a report that will be presented to the School's Council at the end of April. In addition, students will be able to see a presentation of the consultation options at a meeting to be held in the New Theatre this Thursday at 2 pm. There will also be,two open forums for students to talk in person to estates staff at the end of this month. Comment and Analysis, page 6 Editorial Comment, page 7 News The Beaver 10 February 2004 Study says universities could use 'effective' bursuries to offset fees Nazir Hussain and Adrian Li As debate swirls around top-up fees and new research demonstrates the benefits of bursaries, universities are devising ways to deal with the expected increase in student debt. Students who receive bursaries at the start of their courses are less likely drop out of their studies than those who do not receive such help, according to research conducted by the University of Plymouth and the University of the West of England. Meanwhile, universities have begun to announce their plans to offer bursaries and grants to offset higher fees for some students. As part of the controversial Higher Education Bill, the government has proposed grants and bursaries worth up to £3,000 for the poorest third of students. These students currently do not pay the up-front fees of £1,125, and the study shows they are no more likely to drop out of university in their first year than their more well off counterparts. The study demonstrated that the performance of students with full fee support was similar to that of other students, and bursaries seem to have a markedly positive impact. Andy Hannan, one of the authors of the study from the University of Plymouth, told The Guardian: "It appears that bursaries, even those set at a modest level to cover some of the start-up costs of becoming a full-time student, can have a significant positive effect on student retention and progress." Universities are deciding how to give back some of the extra income from top-up fees in the form of financial aid. Fearing that the debt accompanying top-up fees would deter students from pursuing postgraduate studies. Royal Holloway has armounced that it will be giving bursaries amounting up to £3,000 to its graduating students who score at least an Upper 2nd and want to continue with their postgraduate studies for a year. Royal Holloway principal Steven Hill ... nSTli-. -tf- ' tsk:-? if 5 Even lai^e demonstrations like this couldn't stop top-up fees, but NUS continues to oppose marketisation of higher education. told The Guardian that the university is also considering ways to tackle the financial difficulties of students who miss out on fee waivers but are by no means rich, because "the cut-off is so low." Exeter University announced it will use the 30 percent of the additional funds gained from variable fees to pay for bursaries worth £4,000 each, for 1,400 students, in addition to government grants. Its Vice-Chancellor, Professor Steve Smith said that this "would transform our ability to widen access to higher education." [BBC, 19 Jan] George Kiloh, the academic registrar of the London School of Economics, said the LSE's bursary scheme provides more than £4.7 million in financial support to its 8,000 students, though little of that money goes to home undergraduates. "We are constantly working to increase the number of bursaries, scholarships and assistance the School can offer," Kiloh said, citing efforts to raise further financial aid funds through alumni donations. Finally, he had this to say about students having to drop out of the LSE due to financial difficulties: "A small percentage of people drop out of LSE. It is extremely difficult to determine their reasons but financial difficulty is among them. So we are aware of the financial pressures of students living and studying in London. "That is why the School's Financial Support Office and the LSESU work closely to offer as much support as possible to students before they might need to consider leaving their courses." "The Bill currently before Parliament would allow us to be more generous but the School has yet to take a decision about its actions once it becomes law," Kiloh said. According to the LSE Press Office, the university will decide on whether or not to charge top-up fees by October of this year, and that the Students Union will be consulted before any final decision is taken. National Action Day for NUS - the top-up fees debates rumbles on Nazir Hussain Following the passage of the Higher Education Bill, the National Union of Students (NUS) has called for a week of local action, with February 25 being designated as a day of national action. In opposition to what it calls the marketisation of education, NUS is calling for pickets with a supermarket theme and has made available price tags, barcodes and posters on its website. A nationwide industrial action by the Association of University Teachers (AUT), a national union of academics and university administrative staff, is being planned to coincide with the NUS protest. According to an NUS press release, the call for action is "designed to keep the student voice loud and clear while the HE Bill passes on to the Standing Committee and House of Lords stages. Top-up fees have a long way to go yet and can still be stopped." The NUS is urging students' unions to come up with creative ideas to get students involved. LSESU Treasurer and Don't Price Students Out Campaign Convener Jo Kibble said Friday that information on the planned action had just arrived from NUS that morning and that he had not yet discussed the matter with the rest of the Executive and those involved with the campaign. He said though that the LSESU "agrees with the idea in principle." The AUT's 47,000 members are planning a nationwide industrial action against pay modernization to coincide with Leading the campaign: NUS President, Mandy Telford the NUS day of national action. AUT deputy general secretary Malcolm Keight told The Guardian newspaper last Monday the pay modernization proposals "would also lead to under-regulated localised pay bargaining, which could result in unequal pay for work of equal value - and have a detrimental affect on recruitment and staff retention at institutions across the country." The results of the vote will be revealed at a meeting of the AUT's national executive on 12 February. AUT counts about 340 LSE academics and staff among its members. As a sign of its support among students, the AUT cited an independent survey of students at five universities which showed that only 12 percent of students were opposed to a lecturer's industrial action. In a press release NUS President Mandy Telford wrote "students have no desire to be taught by poorly paid, demotivated lecturers." Italy fined for discrimination to lecturers Prashant Rao News Editor The European Commission (EC) has levied a daily fine of 310,000 Euros (£211,000) on the Italian Government until they end their discrimination of foreign lecturers. The penalty, which began last Wednesday, February 4th, followed consistent failures to award equal pay and employment rights to more than 1,000 foreign university lecturers. This is the highest charge ever laid down by the EC, and dwarfs the previous record of 20,000 Euros per day fine against Greece for failure to enact environmental legislation passed by the European Parliament. It represents a much deserved victoiy for the Association of Foreign-Language Lecturers in Italy (ALLSI), chaired by Scotsman David Petrie, who has been demanding equality in the workplace with Italian lecturers since 1986. In the past 18 years, ALLSI have won four cases in the European Court of Justice (ECJ) and have had two motions passed in their favour in the European Parliament, with the ECJ ruling in their favour as recently as June 2001. At the time, the ECJ decided that the Italian Government had broken one of the fundamental principles of the European Union - non-discrimination on the grounds of nationality, and that they had been doing so for several years, despite the fact that foreign lecturers perform similar tasks to their Italian counterparts. The Italian Government, which has stubbornly refused to relent, however, telling its universities as recently as November, to continue their discriminatory practices, had anticipated a fine of up to 250,000 Euros per day. In an effort to counter the rulings, Italy introduced new contracts for foreign lecturers, effectively downgrading their status, and those who refused to signed the new contracts were released. Commenting to The Times newspaper, Italian officials said that they would have trouble enforcing the ECJ's mandate because universities in Italy exercise a great deal of autonomy. The Bearer 10 February 2004 News Police apologise to Simmons Mark Power Executive Editor The Metropolitan Police last week apologised to a group of anti-monar-chy protesters, including LSESU General-Secretary Elliot Simmons and 22 others, for wrongfidly arresting them during protests against the Queen's Golden Jubilee celebration in 2002. The protestors were arrested after attending a public demonstration against the monarchy at Tower HUl, close to official commemorations. It is understood that there were two groups of protestors, one which was arrested in a pub in Aldgate, close to the original protest and another, arrested whilst walking peacefully away from the protest, near Tower BQll undergroimd station. After detaining the protestors for questioning, the police arrested them in two groups and using commandeered buses to transport them to various police stations around the capital. The group released a statement saying that the police's treatment of them became "comical" when a number 11 Routemaster bus was commandeered as one of the vehicles to transport them. Many of the protesters report spending up to 5 hours in police holding ceUs before being released without charge. The poUce have also agreed to pay an estimated £80,000 in damages to the group for the ordeal, which means that the 23 members of the group who took collective legal action wiU each receive £3,500 each. Simmons commented that he thought the incident was "worrying; in that people like me, who protest peacefully and obey police instructions, can be arrested en masse for nothing." He said he was pleased to have the police's apology, and hoped that the group's action had meant that the police would be unlikely to repeat the saga. He conceded that he was not aware of any details as to how the police decided to take the action, nor was it likely that public scrutiny of the actions would occur, because the poUce paid a settlement in order to keep the details undisclosed. When asked how he would spend his compensation, Simmons responded that he would spend it on repaying some of his student loan. Costly chemistry axed nationwide Elaine Londesborough_ Chemistry departments across the country are closing amid fears that unpopular degree courses are dying out. King's College London has recently announced the closure of its department, which once helped create techniques that led to the discovery of DNA. The move has been described by King's as a 'phasing out' of the department and they stress' that the change will not affect students already undertaking the degree course. At the moment there are between 35 and 40 Chemistry department's across Britain but the Royal Society of Chemistry fears that in 10 years time, at best only 20 will survive and at worst only 6. Durham, Cambridge, Imperial, UCL, Bristol and Oxford are the institutions who are expected to retain the courses. Undergraduate applications to Chemistry degrees have dropped by a quarter in 5 years. However, Neville Reed, Director of Communications for the Royal Society, told The Guardian newspaper "At the moment we are seeing departments closing, not because of a decline in student numbers, but because funding is dropping". This problem is exacerbated by vice-chancellors who are more interested in promoting the courses that are the least expensive to teach. The introduction of top-up fees could also have an effect on such departments. Chemistry courses are undoubtedly expensive to run and, if only six departments were left in the whole country, they would be at the top universities who would be charging the maximum tuition fees. Students who need to live at home during university because of financial constraints would also be affected by the lack of choice. Physics departments have also been hit hard recently. Certain areas of the country now have no Physics departments, leaving students with fewer options and the country with fewer physicists. However, some are looking into ways of increasing the popularity of the courses that are in decline. For example, the Institute of Physics and the Institute of Electrical Engineers plan to give bursaries to tackle the problem. easyMusic follows pizza and flights Owen Couglan__ Stelios Haji-Iannou, the founder of easyJet, announced at the LSE last week that he is to launch yet another company from his easyGroup empire. EasyMusic.com intends to give small-time musicians the opportunity to post their songs online and by allowing listeners to simply download the music for free, make themselves better known with the hope of being "discovered" by record companies. The former LSE Economics student, who graduated in 1987, made his first mark on the business world as a shipping tycoon in the early nineties, but it was with the launch of easyJet in 1997 that the Greek bom Haji-Iannou shot to fame and further fortune. Today, the easyGroup, which comprises of many subsidiaries ranging from easyCar to easyPizza, is an officially recognized super brand, whose "outlets" can be found across the globe. Innovation and risk have been the keys to the success of Haji-Iarmou, and it would appear that easyMusic is another perfect example of these attributes. With this venture, the 38 year old will be bucking the current music industry trend, as global record sales continue to decrease in response to thfe rising popularity of internet downloading programs, such as Kazaa and Morpheus. "Rampant piracy and the lackluster effort by record companies to combat the problem is to blame for the state of the record business", said music industry analyst Lee Black, to the Times newspaper. Presently, firms in the industry are very anxious, and are desperately thinking of ways that they can protect Haji-Iannou used his LSE degree to make million in low cost commerce ventures. their music from copyright infringement on the web. Coincidentally, Haji-Iannou's own easylntemet Cafe chain was fined £80,000 for allowing customers to download music from the internet Nevertheless, some firms have begun adopting the "if you can't beat them, join them" attitude. The industry is welcoming the development of various official internet downloading products, including that of computer giant Apple, who have already successfully launched the Apple iTunes service. Whether easyMusic will experience the same success as easyJet, help discover the music stars of the future, or join easyCar as one of the few easyGroup ventures that have not been so successful, is hard to predict. It would appear however, that while many other music companies are desperately trying to prevent file sharing on the internet, Haji-Iannou, like Apple, is simply embracing and taking advantage of its popularity. Union Jack No motions but plenty of shit as the big D came to town for the UGM. We've been treated to two helpings of the director this year, a double D if you will, and as ever there were plenty of tits at the UGM. While we're on the subject of feinale bolse^c.uk and you will be added to the list in next week's paper. The Beaver is available in alternative formats and online at wwwJse.ac,uk/union The Beaver 10 February 2004 Comment &: Analysis The Beaver Comment Campus contemplation The School's estates consultation process is to be praised. The goal of including as many students and other staff in the process of deciding what direction the physical nature of our campus should take is the correct one. Estates strategy is the most serious problem facing the LSE administration. The Beaver has long highlighted the issue of over-crowding at LSE, which seems to be getting worse by the year. Crowded lecture halls and packed facilities are daily problems that frustrate the daily lives of all students and staff alike, and it is high time the School adopted a co-ordi-nated and concerted effort to improve the somewhat decrepit nature of the estate. Andrew Farrell and Sir Howard deserve due credit for their commitment to finding a solution. The proposal outlined on the front page, which is the result of a plan drawn up KPF Architects, is an excellent one. It introduces coherence to the campus hitherto unseen. The idea of a Harvard Yard inspired central courtyard between Houghton Street and the Library Plaza is a commendable way of addressing one of the LSE estate's most glaring deficiencies: the lack of green and relaxing space. It has been suggested by some that this would go largely under-utilised because of London's climactic conditions, and therefore it may not be wise to spend so much money on space that may be under-utlilised. This is wrong on two counts. Firstly, the buzzing atmosphere of Houghton Street, and even the use of the Library Plaza by students taking a break from the Library throughout the year, show that although the weather conditions may not be ideal, many still chose to sit outside and socialise in central areas in spite of the discomfort caused by London's many months of cold. Such a space would be used in the winter and the warmer months alike, and would be a particularly pleasant focal point for the campus. The second problem with this argument is that a pleasant campus atmosphere cannot be created inside :)uildings alone, and an attractive outlook from the buildings would contribute much to the general attractiveness of the campus and the atmosphere from within the buildings nearby. One of the major benefits of the architects' plans is that the proposed square is overlooked by many of the planned new buildings, maximising this benefit. F^rrell is right to point out that the plaza and library rede-velopments have been less than satisfactory in their outcomes. The Norman Foster library, although visually attractive, has some major downsides in terms of its clinical" feel and awkward staircase. The Library Plaza lacks greenery, although it is at least a move towards creating more open and visually appealing space on campus. It is good that the School has had a dose of realism and decent strategic direction in terms of estates, but it should not mean that the goal of an attractive campus should be cast aside because of more mundane and practical considerations. Of course the KPF plan will be costly, but before writing it off, the School should redouble its attempts to find a way of financing what seems to be a much needed and welcome move towards a cohesive and appealing campus. Red facing the reds Sir Howard's appearance at the UGM this week included a welcome dismissal of James Headway's ridiculous attempt to stop the Director from answering the queries and concerns of the students of this School. The one welcome aspect of Headway's risible campaign to obstruct the administration's accountability was the clarification of a few myths regarding Sir Howard's involvement with GKN, a supposed arms manufacturer, which in reality is a relatively innocuous engineering conglomerate. A company whose main strms production is helicopters, which even then accoiints for a relatively modest part of its business activity, cannot be compared to a dodgy RPG vending businessman dealing with murky third world dictatorships and revolutionary and rebel groups, some of which Headway and his gang support. The SWSS attempt to stop Sir Howard from speaking shows their politics up for what it is: a triumph of ideology over good sense. Instead of engaging in debate, the SWSS faction would rather deliver embarrassment to a man who they have come to regard as somewhere to the right of Atilla the Hun. Headway should be wary of letting the story override the facts with regard to the Director, and engage in constructive debate rather than pointless and petty charades. Ol^eCToK TAKCS /goAft TO SMVUSboM .. >imi 1-4 / Letters to the Editor Dear Editor, I refer to the letter of Taris Graf Ahmad von Velasco in last week's edition of The Beaver (3 February). In it, he alludes to Daniel Preedman as "an outspoken Jew". What does "outspoken" mean? It connotes the idea of being 'frank', 'imreserved', 'not holding back one's opinions'. In this respect, Hr Graf Ahmad von Velasco actually has a point. In this country, people are forced to leave their jobs for displaying traits of outspokenness. Just look at the BBC. And Daniel Freedman. "Outspoken" has undeniably come to signify something far more profound: it often serves as a pretext for attacking those in the public eye who dare to state what they think. Is this letter an allegation of anti-Semitism? No it is not. I merely wish to express my frustration at Hr Graf Ahmad von Velasco's badly-conceived and inappropriate use of language; an illustration of outspokenness on my part, if you will. The way I see it, I am not being unfair to Hr Graf Ahmad von Velasco. It is true that I have isolated his words from their context, in which he correlates the fact of Daniel Freedman being Jewish with an understanding of what it means to be oppressed. The history of the Jewish people, as Hr Graf Ahmad von Velasco appears to acknowledge, demonstrates that this association is not in the least bit objectionable. What I perceive to be fundamentally wrong, however, is the way in which Hr Graf Ahmad von Velasco connects a negative and implicitly derogatory adjective such as "outspoken" with racial or religious disposition. To turn his assertion on its head, were I to invoke Mr Graf Ahmad von Velasco's nationality or political views by l^^Uing him an "outspoken German" or an "outspoken Palestinian sympathiser", I suspect that he would feel the same twinge of anaeyance that I did. On a final note, Hr Graf Ahmad von Velasco claims to deplore "deep ignorance and closed minds". His one-sided depiction of Israel (as a practitioner of "oppression, crime and torture"), though, indicates that this may not be the case. Here, he has in fact shot himself in the foot, or maybe, if we are to believe his professions that he is apolitical and most of the time "hardly bothered", he simply fails to see the other, side of the stoiy. But who am I, "outspoken" as I may be, to challenge the words of an advocate of "the plight of humans" (with the exception of the Israeli people it would seem) and a "normal student" just 'going his way'? Yours sincerely, Ben Fryer Sir, Blinded, as always, by their hatred of America, the hard left of the LSE (Socialist Action in particular) have sunk to new lows. When one of their members denounced the campaign in Kosovo as an "illegitimate war," the socialist remnants in the UGH cheered mightily. The war was in response to a slaughter in the former Yugoslavia. A slaughter carried out against Huslims. A slaughter which the once-mighty European armies could not end. It was only because the United States rescued the Kosovars that an actual genocide was averted. Shame on Socialist Action for putting politics ahead of principle and demeaning Huslim lives as "illegitimate." For dignity and human rights, Alykhan Velshi Sir, I'm writing in response to comments made about me by Taris Graf Ahmad von Velasco in last week's beaver. But first, a defence of Hr. Power, whom von Velasco criticises for calling Israels security fence, a fence rather than a wall. Since 95% of it is a fence, and only 5% is a wall, it's logical to call it a fence. In the same way that we call Heathrow, "Heathrow Airport" rather than "Heathrow Shopping Centre," since although it does contain many shops, we label things based on 95% of it rather than 5%. Von Velasco calls me an "outspoken Jew," a title I'll add to my collection, along with "member of the Jewish lobby" and other no doubt complimentary titles the left have labelled me during my time at LSE. He next teUs me given my race I should know what oppression means. He's right, I do. Hy family's experience under the totalitarianism of communist Russia means I know we have as much to fear from the aims of the SWP—and similar groups such as Socialist Action—as the BNP. Hock trials in the various fascist states makes me treasure the western system of justice that presumes innocent until proven guilty. I think Kilroy's explanation that he was referring to Arab states rather than Arabs in general but it was mis-edited, deserves a fair hearing, rather than accuse— destroy a career—and only then try and establish the facts. I know the left love to jump on the bandwagon of any supposed injustice to try and start their revolution, unless of course it is occurring in North Korea, Cuba, China, Russia, Sudan, Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia etc etc, but maybe it's finally time to realise communism has badly failed. Hy family, along with countless others, leamt the hard way. Yours Flaithfully, Daniel Freedman 40k 8 blink The Beaver 10 February 2004 blink Editor: Matthew Sinclair (M.Siiiciair1@lse.ac.uk) Politics Musings Internet Presences // Matthew Sinclair blink Editor So many Internet users have had their first experience of the Internet negotiating their way past Connie, AOL Bint, before finding their way to the copious quantities of pom, obscure and misleading "facts" and Flash cartoons of badgers that make up the rest of the Internet. Connie, previously given the advertising industries prestigious Turkey of the Year award for a crappy advertising campaign, has now been consigned to mascot heaven, along with the BT Silver Internet Surfer and Michael Jackson. Phew. Combine the end of the assumption that any Internet service needs to be ; accompanied with characters who make it seem "fun and safe", undercut by the nxmibers going to prison for KaZaA, and widespread broadband and developed world Internet is improving markedly. Unfortunately for the Cubans things are not going quite so well in their neck of the woods. Recently a new law came' into force restricting Internet access to foreigners with dollar accounts or public areas where the surfing habits of Cubans can be carefully monitored. The Cuban government and media, the two go hand in hand, have praised the new law as an admirable way of making sure the Internet is used for the social good while BBC quote Amnesty International describing it as "an attempt to shield Cubans from alternative views". Quite why the Cuban authorities have not described their move as anti-pom I do not know but the real reason surely has something to do with "Is it Castro or Hitler? Photo stirs speculation" stories that can be cleaned up quickly when doctored pictures appear on the front page of Granma, the official voice of the Cuban government, but will persist when the story can be found through the website for the Miami Herald. Vladimir Putin this week unveiled a more pro-active approach. Uznay-Prezidenta.Ru is a veiy smart animated website filled with all sorts of information on the president intended for the youngsters. Such engaging questions as "who's more important - the president or your mum? Your mum of course" put things in perspective for youngsters facing the wall-to-wall Putin offered by a sympathetic media. What if technology had allowed some of histories more extravagant dictators a web presence; Goebbels would have had a field day, Pol-Pot.Com would have been... well... creative and Stalin could have explained the happy existence of his charges in the Gulags. Now that Saddam is gone the best the Internet can do is KOREAN CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY of DPRK, with its accounts of a "Stong Defence Power Called for", and Cuba Web. At least Connie's gone. I'm a Democrat, get me in there" None of the democratic candidates are terribly inspiring... but they're affecting the Republicans. Chris Pope Millions of voters, ten high-profile individuals, one humiliating televised contest. Yes, it's the race for the Democratic Party's presidential nomination. Well, after over a year of campaigning, the field to take on George W. Bush is down to an elite six. Or so I'm told. In the minority in both houses of Congress, and out of the White House, Democrats are desperate to oust the incumbent president. A battle which started off in house parties and town halls is now largely played out over the airwaves. State by state, the candidates must accumulate enough "media, money and momentum" to win their party's backing. In the process they wiU throw about much empty rhetoric and, as the LSESU Treasurer would say, prostitute themselves to a multitude of special interest groups. So, who are these would-be leaders of the free world? WeU, first meet Howard, 55, from Vermont. Govemor Dean is a fiery anti-war populist, who tries to portray himself as George W. Bush's polar opposite. Unknown at the beginning of 2003, Dean built up a decentralised intemet-based support network, and seemed to possess an unassailable lead in the polls. Yet, although he articulated a clear message, he failed to inspire, and his antagonistic, polarising, anger succeeded in little other than pandering to the prejudices of his base. Following a series of gaffes and coordinated attacks from rivals, fears that his temperament would be poorly suited for executive office seemed to be confirmed after his unexpected defeat in the initial Iowa caucus, when he concluded a blathering rant with a savage howl. Presidential? Most Americans now think not. Having flirted with Dean's passionately anti-war candidacy, Democrats were forced to examine the other candidates. Rev. A1 Sharpton, by far the most charismatic and gifted public speaker of the group, is unlikely to gainer much support from the mainstream, who see him as a rabble-rouser with a questionable history. Nor is Dennis Kucinich much of a serious contender Though he is probably closest to many Democrats on the issues, that probably says more about them than it does his credibility. The only candidate openly hostile to free-market capitalism, he favours replacing the Department of Defense with a "Department of the Peace", which would "remove the need to employ principles of force in the world" - apart from when seizing taxes from citizens unwilling to pay for his socialist projects, of course. Don't worry though; he knows how he'll pay for it. Indeed, he made a pie chart poster to show everyone how, and unveiled it in the middle of a debate. Unfortunately, it took another candidate to point out that the debate was for radio audiences only. Yet, some people are clearly impressed. Indeed, 80 single ladies have already applied to a website, set up to find a wife for the bachelor congressman. Regardless of Mr Kucinich's appeal as a husband, America is looking elsewhere for a President. The Democrats have not won the White House without a Southern candidate since 1960, and so much hope was vested in Alabama's General Clark and North Carolina's Senator Edwards. Darlings of the media, and perpetual Time/Newsweek cover stars, both seemed ideal to take on Bush. Primary voters, so far, have disagreed. The telegenic John Edwards is though to be inexperienced, but, as a highly successful trial lawyer, is seen as a formidable exponent of "progressive" politics. Wesley Clark, seemingly a Republican until a few months ago, is now unhesitant in his belief that all the world's problems are down to insufficient public subsidies for influential Democrat support groups. Nor does he seem more assured on foreign policy, where he has experience. In testimony before Congress, he supported the Bush administration's policy and went as far as to say that he was pleased with the President's team and glad that "we have them there". On the campaign trail, he is now a fierce critic of the President, whose Iraq stance he supposedly "opposed from the beginning". Still, he loses the award for "most pathetic flip-flop between principle and populism" to the current frontrunner, John Forbes Kerry, who, in 1991, sent two letters to the same constituent explaining why he was both for and against the Gulf War Kerry regularly harks back to his Vietnam opposition, when he confronted senators with the question: "How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?" Yet, the husband of Ketchup heiress Theresa Heinz has offered 57 varieties of opinion regarding the current war Though some may dub the current situation in Iraq, "mess-o-potamia". Democrats are particularly self-conscious about appearing weak on national security (just google "Dukakis" and "tank" to see why). As a result, neither Clark nor Kerry misses the chance to remind you of their impressive military backgrounds (with regular stage-managed reunions with long-lost comrades conveniently shot before the media). Yet, Kerry's victory in seven out of the nine primary states so far, has surprised almost everyone. The Massachusetts Senator was thought excessively aloof, elitist, and uncharismatic, almost the stereotype of an out-of-touch "liberal" that Democrats always struggle to avoid. Indeed, it is hard for many Americans to believe that a man with a $300 haircut and recent botox treatment fuUy understands their day-to-day concems. Although America is a polarised nation. President Bush will have to do more than simply accuse Kerry of being a "Massachusetts liberal", as his father did Dukakis. Sure, many Democrats have little to propose other than opportunistic sniping and a return to the failed big gov-errmient policies of the past, but the Bush economic recovery is yet to produce jobs and the President is certainly vulnerable. In 2000, Bush tried to rally Reaganesque sentiment, telling Americans: "My opponent trusts government. I trust you." And, athough he has made some moves to reduce the burden of regulation on enterprise, government nannying and spending has expanded faster than under the most ambitious of Democrat administrations. There seems to be no area where Bush cannot find an excuse to spend other people's money. Education, Healthcare, Energy, Farming... You name it. Even a Hooters restaurant received $30,000 in subsidies. (Yes, silicone-enhanced themed restaurants apparently need government help to be energy efficient). If someone wants your money, he'll let Congress spend it for you. Yet, every dollar locked into sleazy political battles in Washington is one less dollar creating opportunity for ordinary Americans. Ultimately, trying to out-Democrat the Democrats is an impossible job. If there's one criticism that the opposition have of the $2.5trillion federal budget, it's that it's not big enough. But, as PJ O'Rourke said: "When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators." The Republican establishment, blinded by rage against Democrats, refuses to criticise the president and forgets that there's a difference between being pro-market and simply handing tax money to business. So, with the left desperate for power, and the right running out of reasons to keep Bush, it is not inconceivable that the President might lose. This may be no bad thing for conservatives. So long as the Democrats choose someone who is sound on economics and national security, divided government will be the only way to give the Republican Congress some spine. Besides, a Democrat win in 2004 will block Hillary in 2008. Regime change in November? Watch this space. Chris Pope is a 3rd Year Government and Economics Student. The Beaver 10 February 2004 blink 9 Politics Capitalism ... we can do better Capitalists are selling their soul to a system that keeps most of the world in poverty. Angela Koh Darling, so you've resigned yourself to the way we are. You've looked around at the world around you and decided that it's true what they say -it's money that makes it go round. You've decided that what you're after is the naked accumulation of material wealth and luxury. Let's have champagne and diamonds and supermodel lovers and the most that life has to offer is a bad rap video. Or maybe I'm being a little dramatic here, and so fucking what, you just want a comfortable life. Go on vacations in Spain, drive a nice car - not that flash or anything, find another human being you see yourself having sex with for the rest of your natural bom life and you know how you've always wanted to be able to buy those cute little jumpers at Baby Gap -maybe one day... wouldn't that be nice? So if you hack upper second class honours, let's say, at the end of your university career and it could all be yours. That's not asking too much, is it? But I'm afraid it is, it's this collective desire to settle for a comfortable life™ that undermines the state of the world today. The survival of the status quo requires exactly this act of collusion on our parts. Because of how we endorse capitalist values - the idea that we have some inalienable right to consume, the interests behind this right burgeon and thrive. And then we don't even have the decency to admit our complicity since we've been sold that old liberal snake oil spiel - honey, don't you see how the free flow of goods and services will bring about peace, progress and prosperity for all? This is what we should ask for our happiness: Want Everything Right tin Now. This is a post-modem age, what that means is that we should know better. But even if we don't believe them, we let ourselves be bribed with their nifty gadgets and shiny things. And so we are letting ourselves be cheated by the lies of self-interest the economists tell us. What we should be asking of our happiness is that everybody gets everything they need all the time, but for the sake of accessories and a good night's sleep - we agree to nod and smile when they say that there is this unparalleled munificence and inexorable dynamic of capitalism in creating a better world for human beings to live in. But take a look around, kid, and it's just not good enough. I mean, it's all right for some but this supposed marvel of the market mechanism has been prone to systematic failure; the miracles of equilibrium meant to be wrought by the intema-tional division of labour have not materialized in any adequate manner for the vast majority of the world's population. Instead, they remain starving, fighting and going without basic needs in utter disbelief. And we allow such a desperate distribution of resources to continue just because we like shiny things too much... However else we might want to look at it, magpies are mrming the world in the year 2004. And I think this is an emergency so why don't you break the glass, dear? Instead of climbing down to join them in their gilt cages and so eagerly searching for the key to tum the padlock upon yourself - baby, it's breaking my heart to see us ending up like this. Especially given the current economic climate, if it's not mbbing salt in self-inflicted wounds, there's a certain irony at the spectacle of individuals cringing in front of computer terminals trying to sell their souls to the devil - and finding out, it tums out he isn't interested. That implicit questionaire so many of us here seem to have answered when we sent in our UCAS form: do you want to make a lot of money? are you willing to sell your soul to the devil in order to do so? Well., it appears that it got it wrong - the correct answer wasn't "yes" after all. There has been such a whole sale of human dignity in our time that the poor devil can no longer afford any more Faustian bargains. We may have overvalued ourselves as economic units - to the detriment of everything else in the world around us. And maybe it's time we leam that not everything in the world can or ought to be put up for sale. There are and should be things too dear in the world to allow to be bartered away. Our lives are not commodities, our passions go beyond a cycle of production and consimaption, and not every choice we make is exclusively in terms of our own personal gain. And surely as thoughtful individuals who seek the good life - whatever it may be, we should resist attempts to tell us otherwise. We do more than exchange good and services, and we are capable of far more than merely maximizing utility (the fact that we consistently fail at this to the consternation of the economists is simply part of what it means to be himian). There was once a man called Adam Smith and he wrote of an end to his vision of a world organized by the free marketplace - that no society could expect to "flourish under the tenets he set out beyond 200 years. By this account then, it means we are essentially now living on borrowed time. Even if one does not hold too much faith in Smith's powers of clairvoyance, there is much to suggest that the largesse of growth clung onto so fervently by the developed world is simply unsustainable. Furthermore, there is also much to suggest that we have done enough damage to the natural environment and humanity at large by the relentless commoditification of land and labour that the sheer social costs may very well outweigh the cynical benefits of ever-increasing economic productivity. Re-orientating ourselves away from the pursuit of profit for profit's sake might lead to discovering how there is a bigger and incommensurably wonderful fairer world out there waiting for us. Returning to Smith's prophecy, one can consider that pretty much since the 1960s, the world economy has been playing in injury time. There have been studies indicating that it is unlikely that we will be able to subsidize the same standard of living our parents did (or at least those of us who were brought up in developed economies with nice things such as pensions, multi-plex cinemas and health-care systems). But even if the game is almost up - it's still all to play for. If you'd just be willing to give us a chance, love, that's all I'm saying here. Any enterprise of encompassing socio-econom-ic transformation will not be realistically close to culmination within a generation, and we can only hope to see eloquent indications of its beneficence in the next. But, even if it wiU take 500 years or more to change the world - the least we can do is try as much as possible now to ensure it will be a better one. This is the time of the year when we start to break our resolutions... but sweetheart, weren't we only supposed to quit when we are ahead? Angela Koh is a 3rd Year International Relations student trying to kick her penchant for champagne, diamonds, and supermodel lovers - by which she means the 3rd football team... Caption Competition 'Howey D? Ya... Big Mike says he , needs your signature of support pronto' 4' : I > A ¦ W Last Week's Winner was RusseU Bennetts... much kudos What does our poor demonstrator have to say? E-mail your captions to thebeaver@lse.ac.uk with the word Caption in the subject line. ff - S" 10 blink The JBeaver 10 February 2004 Broadly Left Tuition Fees and Hutton Matt Willgress blink Columnist Contrary to popular demand, I'm not going to write about TV this week. However, I can say that if Dr Karl continues to hide whisky under his table and have an affair with Izzy I would advise Lynn to go somewhere else to have her baby cheeked on. And it is to such social policy matters I now turn; specifically to the issue of childcare. During the last week the Mayor of London Ken Livingstone announced plans for moving towards free childcare provision if re-elected. Contrary to the view of some dogmatic ideologues, giceater public funding for adequately provided childcare is not inefficient economically or unjust in some way. Anyone, for example, who argues that free childcare at university would create an 'incentive' to have children is clearly missing the point. The real issue is the reverse; how we create incentives to enable people to work, train and study when they wish to. An opinion poll commissioned by the Mayor last year showed that half of mothers not currently in full time work, and a third of those not working part time, said lack of suitable childcare prevented them from taking a job. One third of women with children using paid childcare spend more than £100 a week on childcare. Parents in Britain face the^ highest bills for childcare in Europe. At LSE, there is often over a years waiting time. Only 5% of employers help towards childcare costs. This creates a situation where large sections of the community are excluded from work, hampering economic growth and vibrancy. Furthermore, the lack of affordable, good quality childcare is a major barrier to providing people with the skills, education and training needed in London's employment market. This is reflected in the labour market - in London 54% of women with children have jobs, compared to 65% nationally. The lack of paid employment for parents, especially mothers, is the major factor leading to London having the highest rates of child poverty in the country (48%). Many in London are further trapped in this situation because of the high cost of living, seen in the high cost of childcare, meaning that Government policies which work better in the rest of the country have less impact here. Recent research conducted by PricewaterhouseCoopers has shown that the cost of providing childcare for all one to four year-olds would break even in 20 years as a result of the generation of revenues from taxation and social and economic benefits. This recognition can be seen as part of a pattern of realisation that more public intervention is necessary in this area across Europe. In Denmark, for example, universal provision allows 91% of Danish 3 to 5 year olds to obtain places in publicly supported day-care centres. Britain's economy, parents and children need higher levels of investment in childcare, and an understanding that public provision can support economic progress as well as welfare. Politics Not just our defeat The vote on top-up fees is a defeat for students... and the country. James Meadway_ " Five votes. After weeks of frenzied arm-twisting and late-night pleading, Labour MPs just managed to save Education Secretary Charles Clarke's higher education funding bill. The Blair government now lurches from week to week, haunted by the ghost of Iraq's WMD programme, dead and buried years past; however, in all the chaos of a tottering administration, on so close a vote, the question of higher education funding remains unresolved. Disentangling anything approaching coherency from the mass of "concessions", promises, special pleadings and fudge that make up the current Higher Education Bill is difficult. But within this sticky mess there is a bitter kernel: the government could bribe, flatter and delude MPs as much as it wished but the principle of variable individual fees - "top-up fees" remained sacrosanct. The attempt to shift the burden of university funding onto the system's weakest element - the individual student - is quite illogical. You don't balance huge public institutions on a bunch of debt-ridden, low-income students with very few assets and uncertain prospects. In order that the scheme can stand at all, a baroque structure of props - "Access Regulators", interest-free loans, and so on - has to be thrown together: what is on offer is not a clear and sustainable system for university funding, but a fairly crude attempt to extend the government's public sector "modernisation" programme. The actual benefits to universities would be slim: the Institute of Fiscal Studies estimates that around £500m per annum will be raised from the current scheme. Given that the government's own estimates suggest universities require another £9bn a year, it is obvious the current proposals will do little to ease the funding crisis. It is equally clear that the pressure to remove the £3,000 fees cap will be immense. The impact of that funding crisis is less felt at institutions like LSE, safe on the £11.2m profit it made last year, and similarly for Oxford, Cambridge and the other big names. The crisis afflicts the newer, less traditional institutions most severely; precisely the institutions that have done the most to broaden access to education. Yet the current proposals, by still further decentralising university funding, will serve to exaggerate this existing bias. Those institutions with established brand names will no doubt have little worry in i enticing private finance through fees - and to hell with the consequences for equity, the "Access Regulator" a toothless sop and the £3,000 fees cap a forgotten joke. Those without will doubtless struggle on with miserly public funds. The likely outcome from decentralised funding is to see a few overgrown show-stealers flourish at the expense of other, less show^ blooms. Not the diversity so vital to academia, but an absurd concentration on the most gaudy. Within institutions, those departments most able to display an immediate commercial benefit are those that can attract private financing: of course, the nature of academic research is that much work without immediate commercial impact can still be vital - think, for example, of the world wide web, devised as a by-product of pub-licly-funded research and now of obvious commercial benefit. PubUc research funding already tail-ends private.;^the government's 1998 White Paper on the issue stated that higher education funding councils should "ensure that higher education is responsive to the needs of business and industry." It is hugely squeezed, so that between 1983 and 1999, public research fimding declined in real terms by 20%. We shouldn't be surprised, given both the poUtical steer and the cash squeeze, that universities inchne towards the private sector. Further decentralisation, through the government's HE Funding Bill, wiU here merely exaggerate an existing trend. But there are enormous consequences for both public accountability and academic impartiality in relying increasingly on private funding. Take a more glaring example, from the natural sciences: five times as much is spent on research into oil and gas in British universities as is spent on research into renewable energy; but as an emergent industrj', renewable energy clearly has more substantial research requirements. There is a clear divergence between allocation of resources and research needs that has little to do with public interest (and the government's own apparent desire to reduce greenhouse gas emissions), and much with the interests of the oil and gas multinationals. In the social sciences, the situation is less clear-cut: BP presumably has its own reasons for endowing LSE's Centre for the study of Global Governance with £1.5m. The case remains, however, that private finance tends to drive a narrowing of research and a imposition of short-term priorities over longer-term The government's proposals would have one immediate effect on research, however. Those wishing to enter an academic career already face the hurdle of postgraduate fees; if they are also bur- dened by the £30,000 debt that top-up fees are expected to impose, and can expect only the comparatively low starting salaries of academia, they will not clear that barrier. The lottery of scholarship funding may assist some, but it is a lottery (as any who have got through it will attest), and a badly-funded lottery at that. Quite how any economy is expected to maintain a research sector without researchers is unclear - let alone the "world-class" research sector that Charles Clarke wishes for. Quite how an expanded university system as a whole can function without lecturers and tutors is equally uncertain. It is little surprise that both lecturers' unions have spoken out against the proposals. So what is the alternative? In the first instance, arguments to the effect that the binman should not, through taxes, subsidise the Eton scholar are wide of the mark. This is the fault of a regressive taxation system, not the education system. By all means tax those who earn huge sums after they graduate; but, with the differential between average graduate and non-graduate salaries shrinking constantly, let's not assume everyone will earn huge sums. Ex ante, we cannot judge who will become rich from university, and who will not. Fees and debt deter would-be students, especially those from lower-income households. The argument for a more progressive taxation system is a strong one, if we want to offer the binman's children (and the binman himself) the opportunity of higher education. This is an argimient for social justice. Second, we should address the concerns of academic impartiality and the consequences of privatised research: private firms benefit enormously from public education systems, whether through the provision of a large graduate labour market, or through publicly-available research. They should contribute towards the costs of those benefits - Britain, at present, has the lowest rate of corporation tax in Europe, but also some of the lowest university research funding. There are clear economic advantages in redressing this balance, as there are in providing a university system more generally that maximises individual choice and opportunity - something fees, debt, and private finance will never achieve. Third, it goes almost without saying that demanding £0.5bn off students ill-placed to afford it whilst spending £6.5bn on invading Iraq is a breathtaking piece of hypocrisy. James Meadway is an Economic History Research Student and the Student Union's Postgraduate Student's Officer. The Be^ve]^^ 10 February 2004 blink H- Law Law Correspondent; Stephen Gurman (s.d,guman@lse.ac.uk) Credible expert evidence: fact or myth? M', ¦ Raymond Ng The beginning of a new year does not halt the erosion of public confidence in the criminal justice system. Following the high-profile case which saw the quashing of Angela Canning's conviction for the murders of her two sons in December last year, the spotlight was once again focused on the reliability of scientific expert evidence after the overturning of another murder conviction last month. Mark Dallagher was jailed for Life in 1998 after the jury found him guilty of smothering Dorothy Wood, a 94-year-old woman. In what was believed to be a legal first, the conviction was based on the ear prints found on the glass of the window that the intruder had forced open to gain entry to the victim's home. Experts submitted that the distinctive print was a unique match to Mr. Dallagher and there was "a remote possibility that the impres-sions dh ths witiddW niay bfeeii left Oiere by SoineBody otiier dant". On appeal, Mr. Dallagher relied on the evidence of three other forensic scientists, all of whom cast doubt on the evidence given by the experts- instructed by the prosecution. The. Court of Appeal' ordered a re-trial after his conviction was found to be unsafe. It was not until two weeks ago that Mr. Dallagher was cleared, as new DNA evidence had implicated a different person. This outcome, together with the string of cases involving cot death, brings up the contention in regard to the credibility in the use of expert evidence in courtrooms. In particular, in cases where expert evidence is the only available evidence pointing towards guilt, it has long been argued that expert evidence alone did not make a conviction safe and those convictions involving such evidence will be fast-tracked to appeal. Sharing the same view, Dr. Chris Pamplin, the editor of the UK Register of Expert Witnesses, stressed that the special nature of expert evidence needs special handling by the courts. "If the only evidence in a case is expert evidence which is disputed, they really should not be able to 'Until they are more sceptical of expert witnesses and more willing to challenge their evidence, convictions relying on expert evidence as circumstantial and supporting evidence would remain questionable and contentious' Expert witnesses have long been regarded as an indispensable part of the justic system. The quality of expert opinion must be closely monitored, however, to avoid more disastrous mistakes If you're interested in writing for blink Law or have an article you would like published then e-mail s.d.gurman@lse.ac,uk. come to a decision by all reasonable doubt", he said. "Undoubtedly, there are some expert witnesses which when they stand up in court bring with them a very stirbiig {jeirsuasive element to their evi- lakes on" a greater weight because of the way they deliver it". To prevent a conviction by the jury purely on expert witnesses' testimonies, therefore, he suggested that contested expert evidence should introduce enough doubt in the minds of a juror. Another major problem concerns the ever-growing advancements in technical evidence. In a science conference last year. Miss Angela Gallop spoke about the advances in DNA analysis by. giving the example of a man charged with.burglary in 2000. His DNA profile matched one obtained from the scene and which had been estimated to occur in one in 37 million people. When a retest was performed using a newly upgraded form of analysis that looked at ten areas Of DNA rather than a traditional six, it emphatically demonstrated that he could not be the source of that DNA. What follows is that, due to the change in the evidence basis, what was once accepted as a fact is now discredited and no long holds true. Convictions that have relied upon scientific opinion are now at stake in the sense that they could possibly be regarded, as in Mr. Dallagher's case, as wrongful. But the self-evident truth indicates it is simply not practicable to review all the cases where experts today would reach conclusions different from those that they would have reached in the past. These possible miscarriages of justice will remain buried. Is there any future for the continuing use of expert evidence? On the one hand, this kind of evidence is deemed as the most powerful evidence ever used in the courts, since it has the potential to improve trials by making identifications much more certain. Take the use of DNA as an example. Everyone's DNA is unique; accordingly a sample could only belong to one single person in the world. On the other hand, the techniques used in DNA profiling rely ofily on small sections of an individual's DNA. Because we are all related, these individual sections cannot be presumed to be unique. These limitations contribute to a point where we can no longer take the credibility and reliability of expert evidence for ^granted-.-The use oJJ foiMfrei*- suteiilific tvi-^ dence, once being seen as "a special type of evidence, precise and irrefutable, beyond challenge or question", is opened for challenge. Yet, a study for the Royal Commission on Criminal Justice conducted a decade ago found that in three out of four cases forensic scientific evidence went unchallenged and that more than half of the challenges were made by cross-exami-nation only. A general ban on the use of evidence of this kind is undesirable. Instead, lawyers should be more equipped with the ability to recognize the importance of when and how to consult a forensic science expert and assess the exp.ert's competence. Unless and until they are more sceptical of expert witnesses and more willing to challenge their evidence, convictions relying on expert evidence as circumstantial and supporting evidence would remain questionable and contentious, regardless of how forceful prima facie expert evidence is. Raymond Ng is a 3rd Year Law Student. Smite 'n' Spite Feminist Fabrications AlykhanVelshi blink Columnist I have some bad news for my chick readers: over the course of your lifetime, you'll" earn 73% as much as your male counterparts. According to the National Organization for Women (NOW), that bastion of something or another, this figure is proof that sexism remains rampant in the workplace. Before you start hurling epithets and burning your bra in indignation, let me share a little secret with you. No wait: bum your bra first, and then I'll tell you the secret. The 73% figure is meaningless and deceptive. Intuitively, if women could be paid 27% less than men for doing the same work, shrewd businesses would replace their male workers with cheaper female workers to save on labour costs. In doing so they'd be able to slash their prices and wipe out rival firms still using overpriced male labour. Tliat this is not happening exposes the pay gap as a gross exaggeration. In fact, recent studies have shown that the actual pay gap between men and women is much smaller and not caused by gender discrimination. Women between the ages of 27 and 33 who have not had children earn 98% as much as their male counterparts, according to the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth. That childless women earn practically the same amount as men reveals that it is not gender bias that causes the pay gap, but motherhood. The Independent Women's Forum explains that women with children spend fewer hours at work than men, thus accumulating less experience, resulting in perfectly understandable pay differences between men and women. That the wage gap among younger workers is only 2% shows that the stated goal of feminists - equal pay for equal work - has largely been achieved. How does one account for the actual pay gap of 2%1 Sbmfe of it might be daused by discrirnBifftion, though mosT of it is due to the amount of time women spend at work-. According to the United States Monthly Labor Review, women work 4 hours less per week than men. The choice of women to have children, work fewer hours than men, and generally enjoy life to the fullest is perhaps the reason why women live several years longer than men. But these choices are hardly evidence of discrimination -institutional or otherwise. The feminist tactic of blaming "institutional discrimination" is just a way of saying: I can't find actual instances of discrimination, but I want your money anyway. The tendency of women's groups to label everything they disapprove of as sexist - Page 3 girls, spit-roasting, objects whose length exceeds its width -degrades their cause and prevents attention from being focused on actual discrimination. It's SU Womyn's Week (apparently that's how it's spelled). If you hear a hirsute feminist shouting about pay equity, tell her to help close the pay gap by getting a real job. 12 blink The Beaver 10 February 2004 International International Correspondent: Anchit Sood (a.sood@lse.ac.uk) Iran's Battle for Democracy Reformers in Iran have their supremacy in the Masjid threatened by the banning of candidates by the reactionary Guardian Council. Democracy can be combined with Islam and should be. If you're interested in writing for blink International or have an article you would like published then e-mail a.sood@lse.ac.uk. Jaideep Shah The year 2004 could have been a landmark year for democratic progress in the Middle East. Iran's hope to establish democratic government and subsequently set an example for other countries to follow is on the verge of vanishing. Iranians recently suffered emotional trauma after a devastating earthquake that killed over 30,000 people in the ancient city of Bam. Now, as Iranians head for the polls this month for parliamentary elections, a further blow is about to strike all aspects of their lives. Reactionary forces led by the Guardian Council, Iran's executive body, are very close to securing control of the current reformist-dominated Seventh Masjid, Iran's Parliament: If this outcome arises, Irans' reformist elements will be squeezed out of the political system aira~an~absoixrte^a\itiiDTitarian regimrwitir prevail. Democratic progress is once again being hindered. How? Blatant distortion of the the electoral process. When Pouya Jahanda from Tehran goes to elections polls to vote for her preferred candidate, Mohammad Reza Khatami, to sit in the Seventh Masjid on the 20th of this month, she will be shocked to see that his name has disappeared. She will quickly think of her next preferred candidate, only to find that he is also not included on the list. The reason is that they have been disqualified without any justification, along with 2400 other parliamentary candidates, by the Guardian Council, a 12-member un-elected body led by the Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Moreover, it just so happens that nearly all of these candidates have been blacklisted are reformists; those whose political ambitions are to reform the current authoritarian regime by encouraging the transfer of greater political power to Parliament. Iran attracted the attention of the world's media inl979, when the Islamic revolution toppled the Shah Mohammed Reza Pahlevi of Iran, a pro-U.S ruler, and brought to power anti-American hardline 'Iranian students are the driving force behind the reformist movement. Yet their power is limited because of their fear of the harsh punishment that the government may inflict on them' 'With less than a fortnight to go until the polls open, prospects for a fair and free electoral vote are bleak.' clerics. Mr Khamenei, who is appointed for life, is head of the Guardian Council and can override aU authorities. He appoints 6 members of the 12 member Guardian council, while the other half are appointed by the Head of the Judiciary, himself a Khamenei appointee. Conversely, the Seventh Masjid consists of 290 directly elected members that are responsible for introducing and passing laws subject to the Guardian Council's approval. Furthermore, the President, directly elected every four years, is currently Mr Mohammad Khatami, who came to power in 1997 and was re-elected in 2001. Since 2000, reformists have dominated Parliament using it as a platform to press for social and political reforms. The arrival of President Khatami, who is known for his support of greater social and political freedom, was seen as a victpiy for the reformist camp. Mr TChatarni~^^dged to^^ weaken the hard-line forces and push for democratic reform Yet today he is seen by many Iranians as having betrayed their hopes for change by not taking a hard enough stance towards the clerics. This has been demonstrated by his inability to persuade the Guardian Council to reinstate all of the 3600 parliamentary candidates on the electoral roll. With less than a fortnight to go until the polls open, prospects for a fair and free electoral vote are bleak. The largest pro-reform party in Iran, the Islamic Participation Front, has vowed not take part in the parliamentary elections. In addition, 100 MPs have resigned in protest against the disqualification of the candidates. 'An election whose result is clear beforehand is a treason to the rights and ideals of the nation,' said Mr Mazrouie, addressing Parliament before his resignation. Although Mr Khameni has agreed to a review of the candidates that have been disqualified, there is no guarantee that those falsely accused will be re-instated in time for the election. Simulataneously, the government has banned all student protests against the boycott of the elections. Iranian students, a vociferous political entity renowned for their resistance to the regime, are the driving force behind the reformist movement. Yet their power is limited because of their fear of the harsh punishment that the government may inflict on them. Last time anti-govemment protests occurred, more than 4,000 people, a majority of them students, were arrested and are to be held indefinitely. Public apathy is increasing in Iran. Many people, especially those with progressive political views, are deciding not to vote in the coming elections in defiance of the regime. This has two dangerous implications. Firstly a low electoral turnout may lead to the question of legitimacy for a minority reactionary government, and secondly may result in reformists pursuing violent means to achieve their democratic ^dea[s. The current domestic climate is depressing and Iran's international position is far from secure. In George Bush's famous axis of evil speech given to Congress in 2001, he branded Iran as part of its axis of evil and thus unilateral regime change, as in Iraq, has not been ruled out as an option towards Iran. However, the imposition of democracy by a foreign power is absurd especially if the Iranian people are themselves ready to embrace it. Given the opportunity, change in Iran can be catalysed from within. There are some who argue that democratic governance is neither compatible nor realistic for a highly Islamic country like Iran. Shirin Ebadi, the Iranian 2003 Nobel Peace prize winner, begs to differ and rightly asserts that there is no conflict between democracy and Islam. Iran can pave the way for increasing democracy in the Middle East. Yet the current political climate is making this outcome very unlikely. Jaideep Shah is a 1st Year Government and Economics Student. j?1^e"Beaver 10 February 2004 blink 13 Features London School of Political Science and Economics , K .A. a 0 niy The Economics Department's teaching fails to relate economic problems to social reality, provide students with necessary skills and inspire. It should do better. The Economics Department In Numbers 9 - members of staff or students awarded the Nobel Prize. 50 - approximate size of the faculty. 1000 - approximate number of students. 23/24 - the departments grading from the UK Quality Assurance Agency. Laura Mann I came to LSE, thinking that I had fallen for Economics. I loved the way curves came together almost to musical harmony. I loved the simplicity, the way the models carved out understanding from a complex reality. My teacher used games and field-trips to make the facts and models come alive; trips to farmers markets, stock markets and the downtown bartering districts made us realize the limitations of our study, and gave our assumptions human faces and stories. When our teacher first tried to explain how money was "created" and that it did not always take the form of the metal and paper that everyone presupposes it to be, we sat with a swelling of interest within our minds; this subject was real and alive, and happening all around us in ways that were hereto unknown. I decided that Economics was something into which I could really sink my teeth. After three years at the prestigious London School of Economics, my gums ache from such a bite. I feel that I have either been tricked by my former inspirational teacher or have been fed a second rate economics education. I must confess of the beat, that I study economics on the side, as a "minor" if you like. If you work out the fraction of classes I have taken. Economics clocks up only a third of my classes. But this relatively small fraction is a veiy fortunate detail, as I have come to know another LSE, where my studies do in fact inspire and interest. My classes within the Geography department have offered me something that no economics class has ever afforded. I have had exciting debates in class, written complicated and deeply researched non-assessed essays, and have read thousand plus page books simply because my classes have been so engaging that I have not been able to limit jnyself to the required reading. This excitement has not been matched by a single class or lecture within the Economics Department. The first lectures in both Macroeconomics and Development 'I'm not sure what type of graduate the LSE Economics Department hopes to produce from such an education' 'I feel that I am slowly being trained to be a non-communicative being.' economics held some promise, but this prospect was short sighted on my part. Discussion of external reality soon gave way to strict formulaic models. Answers in weekly classes usually involve a dry formula, and if the teacher tries to bate us into more socially informed answers, he quickly learns that is beyond the frontier of the exam, and therefore not important. Occasionally a teacher tries to impart some interesting knowledge, but he will soon find his place within the faulty system, I know economics can be interesting. Joseph Stiglitz has me on the edge of my seat, and there are plenty of books in the library that are economic in nature but social in revelations. These books are seldom on the reading list. In fact, there seldom is a reading list at all. Government and Sociology students are probably better versed in Smith, Ricardo, Kejmes, Hayek, Friedman, Spencer and all the other Economists that have a minor place in Economics lecture footnotes. After hearing a group of girls in an economics class this year complain about how easy the Geography Department classes are, I feel that this battering was unjustified. Partly because I gathered that they were basing their analysis on the first week of the easiest first year class (this girl was in her third year), and partly because, as I know from my own experiences, they have simply missed the boat. I'm not sure what type of graduate the LSE Economics Department hopes to produce from such an education. People often suggest that their complete exclusion of social awareness is in part induced by a focus on business and finance. But from talking to city bound friends, such jobs in the city require highly competitive rounds of interviews and seminars, where communication skills are key. After a routine economics class, I feel that" I am slowly being trained to be a non-communicative being. In most of my former classes, I never even heard the voices of some of my classmates. Sometimes someone will ask a question outside the curricula, but this seldom leads to any sort of discussion or debate. Other classes within the school make students lead presentations and discussions, allowing them to develop skills relevant to the business world. But such communication and presentation skills are not to be found in Economics. So if this education is not training future leaders of business, are these graduates bound for academia and imaginative economic thinking? I do not think that the next great economic mind will emerge from a system in which no one ever discusses the implications of their models, nor thinks about' their limitations in the real world. Coase once described the firm in Economic thinking as a "black box" that seeks no further exploration, nor deeper scrutiny. Such an approach is rampant in the Economics department. Mainy things become black boxes when viewed through the filtering glasses of the Economics department. LSE will cease to produce distinguished undergraduate alumni if it fails to address this faulty way of teaching. If there are some economics students out there, that feel I've been too harsh, then I urge you to speak up. If you have left a class bursting with enthusiasm and gone straight to the library to find out more, then perhaps I've been too shortsighted. Similarly, is there anyone out there who has taken economics as an outside option and felt that they were at all impressed with the classes as compared to classes in their own department? I would venture a guess, and say no. I have been told that Economics is taught much differently in other universities, that it is just at LSE that interest has been so battered. But why when the school is known for its Economics, why must we sit through year upon year of silent alternative visions? Why must we always Ifeam from single textbooks? Why can't we have lively discussions and read from the original texts of the famous economists whose names and formulas we have memorized so well? Should I tell my friend who wants to pursue a master's in the Economics Department that she should go elsewhere? Perhaps, things are different at the master's level. I do not know. From an undergraduate perspective, economics has ceased to be the foundation of this university. Perhaps we should change the name, to the London School Of Political Science, and in the sub-heading, "and Economics", relegating it to its deserved place. When top-up fees come down upon our institution, will then, the people demand an explanation? I certainly would like an explanation as to why I am graduating with that "with Economics" in my degree title, when I have lost all faith and interest in further study of Economics? To this, I beg reply. Laura Mann is a 3rd Year Geography with Economics Student. 14 B:music The Beaver l^Februa^^004 B:art Edited by Neil Garrett: N.Garrett@lse.ac,uk B:music - P14-16 B:literature - P17-19 B:medla - P19 B:about - P20-21 B:fllm - P22-23 B:theatre - P24-25 Brinail - P26 music edited by Jazmin Burgess and Neil Garrett Jeffrey Lewis BONNIE JOHNSON hangs out with New York folkie and comic book artist Jeffrey Lewis... Cult hero Jeff Lewis generously agreed to do an interview with me when he came to open for The Fall at the Barfly Monarch last Tuesday. After the soundcheck, unable to find peace and quiet anywhere near the Barfly, we ended up holding our interview in an alleyway off Chalk Farm Road. Later we talked over falafel about hitchhiking, the Lower East Side, and the pros and cons of the Pixies reunion, while Jeff colored in a couple of giant comic books to show onstage during his set. So you have a new box set? Is it available in the UK or the US or both? Theoretically it's available in both, but part of it's a DVD which I think only plays in British DVD players, and there are only about 500 copies. I think it will finally be ready soon. When are you going to start recording again? We're going to our friend's house in Birmingham next week, and he's got a bunch of audio equipment set up, so hopefully we'll be able to get some stuff done while we're there. What are you doing with your comics right now? I've been doing this sort of scavenger hunt series of stories that are just short fictional pieces. Each one is just a short, strange little story, and at the bottom it's like 'if you're interested in the next story, you have to go to the Internet and find such-and-such paper'. . . The last one that I did, I said, 'For the next one, email Bonnie!' I haven't drawn it yet, though. "...the way people of another generation talk about punk being really empowering, I think that the generation after that, bands like Beat Happening and people like Daniel Johnston had that do-it-yourself thing, but it was do-it-yourself without needing to be aggressive also" ilE ^ ^ Do you want to say anything about the New Yorit "anti-folk" scene, working with the IVIoldy Peaches and all of that? It's been sort of a mixed blessing, because the press in England really glommed onto it and blew it up in this really preposterous way where it's like, "Ah, it's the famous Underground New York Anti-Folk Scene!" and in print it really looks like something that it's not at all. When people come to New York, I'm sure they're not expecting a bunch of people just sitting around at an open mic. But it's been really cool that there is this kind of community of people in New York who are doing really different stuff from each other; there's a really wide range of weird things. It's just my favorite music that I've heard in the past few years, these homemade albums that I listen to as much as anything else. I know that you've been inspired a lot by Daniel Johnston. What's the story with that? I really don't think I'd be making music at all if I hadn't heard his stuff ...it wasn't until I heard Daniel's recordings that I realized that music didn't really have anything to do with recording quality or musicianship or vocal ability - it was just about songs, and not about anything else ...the way people of another generation talk about punk being really empowering, I think that the generation after that, bands like Beat Happening and people like Daniel Johnston had that do-it-yourself thing, but it was do-it-yourself without needing to be aggressive also, and that, I'm sure, meant a lot to a whole lot of people. You used to be a Dead Head, right? And still am! But there's no more Grateful Dead to go watch. I'd probably still be going to see the shows if they were happening. Fans say that your live performances are a lot more "rock" than your recordings. Do you take a different approach onstage than you do in the studio? Well, I've been really uncomfortable with being alone onstage the past couple years ... I feel like I'm not at my best when I'm alone up there. For a while it was a lot of solo stuff, but I would always play with my brother on tour dates, at least a couple songs, and other friends, and then in the past year we started playing with drums, and it's kind of starting to reverse now where it's more band stuff with a couple solo things thrown in rather than the opposite, and most of the songs I've been making up in the past year have been that format Are most of your narrative lyrics based on true experiences? Yeah, at first that was definitely that was the majority of what I did, which was really an offshoot of doing autobiographical comic books. It goes back and forth now. Is it true that your middle name Is "Lightning"? Yeah! It was going to be my first name when my parents were coming up with names, and then they were persuaded to come up with something more normal and move that to the middle name. BONNIE JOHNSON The Beaver 10 February 2004 B:music 15 MATCH BOOK ROMANCE If you're a fan of anything along the lines of Thrice, Thursday or Finch, there's absolutely no way that you can't love Matchbook Ronnance. As one of Epitaph's newest and most exciting bands, and one of the few who've added a touch of originality to that notorious melodic hardcore sounds,the New York State residents look set to cause a major stir this year. So, at their recent London date, JAZMIN BURGESS caught up with singer Andrew Jordan, guitarist Judas dePaolo, bassist Ryan Kienle and drummer Aaorn Stern to get the 411 on all thins IVlatchbook Romance... So Is It your first time In the UK? How have you found the audiences? Adrew Jordan (A.J): No, it's our second-.We haven't toured intensively though before. The audiennces have been really great actually - we weren't expecting many people at all, but we've totally doubled the size of our audiences since the last time we were here... It's somewhat of an urban legend how you signed to Epitaph, can you give us the full story behind it? A.J: I got an email from Brett, out of nowhere and I didn't believe it at all and I thought it was a joke. So I emailed him back and was all 'If this is a Joke, then it's really fucked up, but if not then my numbers..' and I kept asking the guys if it was one of them and if they were playing a joke on me. So, I Just kept it to myself even though they said it wasn't them.. Ryan Klenle(R.K): Yeah, he didn't even tell us (laughs) He was Just like 'Who's playing a fucking joke on me??' and we were just all like 'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??' A.J: I didn't want to give them the satisfaction if it was a prank so / waited a couple of days, and then I told them and there were ail like 'This is fake. Someone's playing a Joke on us' (laughs) You're one of the bands who are part of Epitaph's big diversification to include more than their traditional punk emphasis. Do you ever feel out of place? Has it been hard being associated with a label with a reputation for just punk? A.J: We found that when we got signed that a lot of people weren't going to believe in us the way that Brett and everyone at Epitaph does, and everyone there seems to back us like 200% - and that in itself makes us want to be on that label above anything else. The whole punk thing doesn't really affect us; it's actually pretty cool because it means we can open up our music to a whole new crowd, that wouldn't normally hear us. (laughs) Besides, it helps to hit every target market possible! What are the Matchbook Romance your plans for 2004 then? World domination on the cards? Aaron Stern(A.S): Well we're going on a full US tour with Mest and Fall Out Boy when we get home and then we're doing the Warped Tour this summer which we're really excited about, because we did it last year and it was loads of fun - so we're stoked for this summer! R.K: We don't have any plans of yet to record a new record. We're going to be taking some time in April to write some more music. So we won't be in the studio until the end of this year probably - we have a hard year of touring ahead of us first (laughs) So, what are your records of 2003 then? R.K: (laughs) I'll do this one!! Cursive 'The Ugly Organ', Radiohead 'Hail to the thief, the new Grandaddy, Brand New 'Deja Entendu, Coldplay-like a million times over, Boys Night Out, Maxeen... If you could recommend one up and coming US band to a UK audience, who would It be? R.K: Maxeen.You gotta love Maxeen - they're just amazing musicians and their songs are just brilliant. You'll listen to it once and you might not like it. Just because it's not everyone's style at the moment... they're all way too into this whole emo thing... but if you just keep listening to it you'll Just fall in love with it... A.J: Seriously, they're like from a different period.. Very U2, The Clash, The Police, really 80s but really good. And they all dress in 80s outfits. Actually, they're coming here soon so go check them out. Go see them when they come and tell them we sent you (laughs). How would you describe your sound to someone who had never heard you before? A.J: Power rock and like not emo as in emo music, but emo as in emotional. Emotional Power Rock. I like that, maybe I'll copywright it (laughs) Weil leading on from that.. I'm sure you've been labelled everything under the sun.. Are there any labels that you actually agree with? R.K: Aw, man! We've been labelled some really bad things - 'generic emo at its worst' we don't care what people think of us really... we're Just four individuals who play music that we like playing. If we feel like playing salsa we'll do it... (laughs) A.J: Criticism and endless categorizing just make s you grow and want to improve. And in fact with our next album, I truly believe we're gonna create a brand new genre Just because we're working so hard at it... R.K: Our next album is going to be so far out there. Just because we're working so hard to define ourselves. Our first album lays it out there and shows 'this is what we are and the direction we're going in' but the next one is going to be something really different and special... I don't think its going to end actually I think it's just going to be 58 minutes of solid music... we're gonna find out how many minutes exactly we can fit on a double disc set and fill it completely... (laughing) Always a good plan! So, your sound's quite different to lots of other bands that you tend to get lumped in with.. Do you feel that you have any contemporaries that share your sound at all? A.J: People that are like us? Not really there are bands out there that can play like we do and write songs like we do but there's a certain kind of emotion that comes through when we play that I thing a lot of bands Just don't hit. Not to sound egotistical or anything but our songs can really strike a chord with some people unlike other bands who just slap songs down.. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I think a lot of bands can't pull of harmonies like we can. I mean maybe in the studio but not onstage too. R.K: I think we just got lucky that we all got natural chemistry... it Just all falls into place nicely. And finally what Matchbook Romance song are you most proud of and what are you most ashamed of? R.K: I'm so proud of 'Shadows like Statues' and I'm most ashamed of is 'She'll Never Understand' A.S: I'll second that. That song needs to go.. It's our oldest and Just not us anymore A.J: Playing for keeps is my favourite... and yeah 'She'll Never Understand'... dump it... R.K: (laughing)So, you'll notice that 'She'll Never Understand' isn't on the set tonight then or ever for that matter, (laughs) and that's for your benefit as much as ours.. JAZMIN BURGESS 16 B:music The Beaver 10Febrag^^200^ Franz Ferdinand - Better than going to tlie circus? JON DE KEYSER catches 10 minutes of the busy Scottish trios time... Few bands.can boast the meteoric rise to fame tliat Franz Ferdinand have experienced. Progressing from gigs in a friends' front room, to three sell-out London shows (they added the second and third nights due to demand) in 18 months is no mean feat. So have they been overwhelmed by the speed of their own success? Nick McCarthy, the cheeky-looking guitarist, describes it as "absolutely mad", even though he is no stranger to performing - he once travelled Europe with a band called Embryo...following a circus. "We just travelled around with this circus", Nick chuckles. "The guy I was travelling with was some hippy dude in a band...he was like a mentor to me". Strangely, this seems like a wholly appropriate prologue to the band's formation. Brought together by fights over who stole who's vodka, abandoned warehouses full of old gym equipment, and numerous run-ins with the police, this is not a conventional group of Glaswegian art students. Despite enjoying their current hectic lifestyle (FF have been touring the UK on the NME Awards Tour for the past few weeks, and have their own headline tour coming up, not to mention interviews, promotions, and in-store gigs), the band is anxious to avoid overexposure in the media. "When I first heard Nirvana I loved them...but then they were everywhere and I stopped listening to them. It's nice to be able to discover a band for yourself, comments Nick. I ask him about NME, and their reputation for going, shall we say, a little over-the-top in their promotion of bands who, quite frankly, lack all semblance of musical ability. "It's ridiculous", he says, not sounding too bothered either way. But then you wouldn't be bothered if NME had recently put your face on the cover, proclaiming "This Band Will Change Your Life". The initial premise of setting up a band came from Alex Kapranos's (lead vocals and guitar) desire to "make girls dance". So is this more important to them than record sales, money, or even (sharp intake of breath) artistic credibility? "Performing is what it's all about. We just enjoy ourselves on stage, but obviously it's a lot more satisfying...when everyone dances around", replies Nick. Live, what really strikes you about the band is that they're so damn likeable. Kapranos's seductive voice punctuates Nick's random German lyrics ("Ich hei6e Superfantastich", indeed), while catchy guitar riffs attack from all sides, taking over your body with a disease called boogie. It really is futile to resist. The name, Franz Ferdinand, comes from the Archduke whose assassination led to the start of World War 1. An historical website offers this description of him; "Shunned by the elite of Viennese society, [Ferdinand] was also called 'the loneliest man in Vienna'. He lacked the two key elements for success in this social scene - charm and elegance." Thankfully, Franz Ferdinand the Archduke, is nothing like Franz Ferdinand the band. At their recent in-store shows, they showed that they possess the necessary talent, charisma and wit to make them a hell of a lot more successful than the Central Powers' were. They write songs that make The Darkness look like tuneless buffoons. They're wittier than Blackadder on a pogo-stick. They put The Strokes to shame with their deliciously fashionable tight shirts, bad haircuts, and even tighter trousers. So, maybe, this band will change your life. Or at least they'll have a lot of fun trying. JON DE KEYSER Genre Spotlight Go-Go Context: Go-go music originated in Washington, D.C. in the late 1970s, first designed for house parties. Rooted in hip-hop, funk, and island music, go-go became quite popular in the D.C. area in the mid-'80s, and fans believed that the style would follow the success of rap. Unfortunately, go-go never received much publicity beyond its region of origin, where it remains a local phenomenon. Contemporary go-go acts perform at "go-gos" in large dance hall venues or outdoor spaces, usually in the eastern quadrants of D.C. Defining features: Go-go's most identifiable characteristic is its use of distinctive conga beats. Emphasizing percussion and heavy bass, go-go's syncopated grooves are traditionally overlaid with sparse, MC-style vocals, and sometimes feature keyboards and guitars. Go-go songs are dance-oriented, and can be sprawling and free-form with improvisational elements. Some great bands: Chuck Brown and the Soul Searchers, Rare Essence, Trouble Funk, EU, the Backyard Band, Junkyard. Since go-go centers on live performance, it can be difficult to obtain recordings, especially outside of the D.C. area. However, contemporary go-go bands often record their gigs and sell homemade copies at D.C. record stores. Some older go-go albums are better distributed and easier to find (Chuck Brown's records, for example). BONNIE JOHNSON SINGLE REVIEWS nNL£Y OUAYE SOMETHING TO SAY What happened Finley? Quaye's rapid transmutation from rugged vagabond funky stoner (and Brit Award® winner) to quasi-foetal gurning MOR stoner (and Paula Yates® nobber) epitomized the rise and fall of the 90's celebrity. Sadly, this latest joint only serves to make you cherish your copy of Maverick a Strike even more. JOHN MCDERMOTT HUNDRED REASONS WHAT YOU GET A quick glance at the names on the fans' forum of the hundred reasons website tells a great amount about the type of band we're dealing with here: 'Dumbexcuse', 'Smelly_George', 'Gazza the cunt', and 'Dave' all reveal the cultural calibre behind this irksomely banal rock group's fanbase. Dismal. JOHN MCDERMOTT OCEANSIZE CATALYST Like Muse? Hate soap? You'll love Oceansize. This underwhelming new single from the 'experimental' Mancunian space-rockers failed to precipitate any reactions in this reviewer. I'd rather do the dishes than inflict this on my innocent house mates again. SARAH TAYLOR LONGVIEW STILL Crikey! This is perhaps the most bland piece release since the first Embrace album. 1 would advise that all stick well, well clear if a pulse is still active. Music from people who are far too content with their lives to be exciting. LAWRENCE KAVANAGH BUSTED WHO'S DAVID? Infectious easy tune which graces my ears. They've got nice string backing and bouncy rythmns that make your feet tap and arms swing wildly. True Busted style pop/rock guitars, and crooning American voices, yet not too sickly sweet because they're singing about a slag. SIAN BEYNON LEMAR ANOTHER DAY Cheesy, smoochy ballard, so nowt special. His voice is competent (Fame Academy finalist don't ya know) and they whack in the commercial effects. It had a quiet rain effect at the start, i liked that, but it could have easily been mistaken for the sound of frying bacon. SIAN BEYNON THE HERY FURNANCES TROPICAL ICE-LAND Ok then fellahs, here's a single that will split peoples opinions. Either people will see it as a delectable summer single, albeit one released in mid-winter, or as a horribly catchy annoying fucker of a song that should face the real realities of the British weather. Debatable. BEN HOWARTH KID SYMPHONY MEET YOU ON THE OTHERSIDE WOAH!! Somebody's been listening to a lot of Queen, eh? They're a two-piece, they're uber-melodic, also being influenced by Bowie & a bit of early Pink Royd. Okay, so they're a modern band making ballsy rock music, but unlike the Darkness, they aren't an embarrassing pile of shit. MATT BOYS The Beaver ^^Februar^^OO^ B:literature 17 BMiterature edited by Dalia King Reviews Just Ths Facts... Author: Soheir Khashoggi Publisher: Transworld Date: Out now so hurry along ^rice: £6.99 I]K K I I Ti '* f ' t-' VJ J MO-SAK MOSAIC AALIADATOO takes in some symbolism and is inspired. Mosaic is Kliasiioggi's third novel, and seems sure to be yet another success. Set in parts in the epitome of Western life, in New York, and in other parts in the "white city" of the Middle East, in Jordan, we are transported into the life of the Ahmads; a family that appeared to be stable and settled, perfecting the 'East meets West' combination in their smart residence in New York. However one day Mrs Ahmad, Dina, returns home from work to find that her husband Karim has taken her children and returned to his homeland for good. So out-of-the-blue is his action that the reader readily empathises with Dina, sharing her shock, horror and desperation. The possibility of never seeing her beloved twins pushes Dina to her limits and as she seeks help she realises that little hope is left for her; after all, its not kidnap - she's still married to Karim. In the face of no help from the police, government officials or lawyers, Dina takes the brave and audacious step of investigating other, perhaps more sinister methods of getting back her children. The novel takes some unusual twists and turns, and engages the reader in suspense entirely as plans are ruined, new resolves arise and different characters emerge as having a role to play. It is in times like this that friendships really count and Mosaic demonstrates the beauty of true friends, coming together to help each other and stand by one another. Crossing cultures, professions, lives, Dina and her two friends stand united in her fight to get back her children. Khashoggi skilfully handles the modern conversations of women's status and even homosexuality in the Islamic context, . avoiding simple contempt of Islam and generalizations. Moreover she addresses tactfully the current displacement factor of many Muslims post September 11th: the struggle for acceptance in the very country in which one has been born and bred, while maintaining links with one's religion and cultural heritage. Mosaic is an inspiring read, and the title is symbolic of the nature of the world it seeks to portray: a myriad of cultures, languages, peoples and lifestyles inter-twined uniquely. AALIADATOO Just The Facts... Author: Shane Maloney Publisher: Canongate Date: Out now so hurry along Price: £9.99 THE BRUSH-OFF JOANNELANCASTER: Aussie politics - it's exciting stuff! •Wt'i.WtM THE BRUSH-OFF A MURaAY WHELAN HOVEL The Brush-Off is set in the vibrant world of Australian politics. But don't let that put you off. I finished the book knowing as much about it as I did before I began- Australian Prime Ministers refuse to say please and don't like giving out winners medals to anyone else. But politics only matter as far as Murray Whelan has to keep anything dodgy out of the public eye to protect the reputation of his boss, the new Minister for Water and the Arts. The Arts is supposed to be an easy job. But that would be boring, right? It all kicks off with a body in a moat, a young artist. Worrying about bad publicity Murray goes to check out his bedsit, and finds the first clue... As detectives go, he is the most amateur possible (despite apparently being halfway through a series, it would seem), but he manages to get his investigation going. One body becomes two, and they pile up-nearly including our hero at one stage. Murray finds himself on a trail involving fake paintings, infidelity, financial corruption, murder, suicide, blackmail, bankruptcy and strawberry sandwiches. All the while looking after his son and looking for Jove. How sweet. Along the way he has a few rather convenient dream sequences (so useful for explaining the back plot) and wets himself. Just to warn you. But there are plus points; some bits are really funny. In fact, it's a useful tool for the Central Line in rush hour because people start to edge away when you burst out laughing (just a tip). The book is very easy to read and to relate to. It's written like speech; it's witty and very sarcastic. Murray is likeable, and the plot is interesting- if almost as much of a fantasy as the Lord of the Rings. Oh, and there's a nice little summary at the end of what all the characters get up to afterwards, so you aren't left with any loose ends forcing you to actually think or anything. This isn't a book to change your life. But if your brain is tired, or you need a little light relief, this is perfect. At the very least the description of the weather in Melbourne might warm you up a bit... JOANNELANCASTER 18 B:literature The Beaver l^^ebruM2j^^2004 Creative Writing The Blackboard Author: Purvi Amin Even whilst playing hide and seek as a child, I would secretly dream of love. Girls could dream and talk of love; boys had to do it secretly. But no one taught you about love, about romance, about relationships. So who is to say whom one can or cannot love? Many hours of contemplation have led me to believe that love can only be defined as an overwhelming desire to have and to belong to that one person. Feeling as though I had turned every street, every corridor, in search of this one being who would complete me, I can now say that she is mine. Our first meeting remains vividly engraved in my mind. I had discovered that she was in my Geography class. As she casually strolled into the room, sweeping her hair Into a ponytail, her unspoiled figure excited me and my eyes were locked to this image. Glancing casually about the colourful room, noticing my eyes transfixed to hers, she quickly averted her gaze to the closed door. Marking, unmarked, for some time, her every action from afar, I decided to approach the girl with the pretence of having noticed that she had dropped something. 1 began to talk to her -1 lie -1 spent most of the time listening. Immersed in a state of total awe and admiration, I acknowledged very little of what she said, but recall her complaint of each school day seeming to creep by. Yet to me, this seemed absurd, for each new dawn offered another opportunity for me to become closer to her. She never did realise the extent of my desires, and saw me as an acquaintance, at the most. Unable to open my heart to her, fearing once more feeling the sharp pangs of rejection, my passion haunted me like a cancer, slowly infecting every cell of my body. Yet each day, this symbol of perfection possessed my every cell and despite my attempts to eliminate the origin of so much pain, that overpowering fixation led me to observe this brown-eyed beauty as she twisted her hair around her perfectly manicured index finger; as she sat and pondered over each question in class; as she laughed with her friends at her faintly dented locker. Realising that she was to embark on a field trip to Berlin, I immediately volunteered myself for this same excursion. She would talk to me about far away places she would like to visit; I would imagine discovering these new lands with her by my side. My infatuation continued for some months, reaching a new height with each new day. The yearning inside of me also intensified, until I knew that I could not abandon the prospect of a sincere attachment merely because of the anxiety of feeling some pain. Then, one day, after Geography class, I called her name. Her unsullied smile greeted me as she turned in one swift movement to see the owner of that voice. A quick glance at her friend expressed her surprise, as she remained lingering by the door. As the other students left the classroom, I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. Closing the door, I was close enough to hear her irregular breaths and notice her biting her bottom lip. Afraid of alarming her, I sent her, in vain, a reassuring smile. Waiting for the creaking door to close, she shifted towards the window and glanced about the colourful room, oblivious to my eyes discerning her every motion. "Was it my essay Sir? I know it wasn't that great." "No, not at all...I was impressed by the essay. But there is something else..." My concise words became an inaudible murmur and I felt again that excitement in my blood, as the prospect of confessing my sentiments drew closer. Glancing at her watch once, and again, I felt her discomfort. Moving closer to her, I cleared my throat. "I have something to tell you. Over the past few months, well, over the past few months, I have come to appreciate that you are an excellent student. And... And you are a wonderful girl. You are beautiful and you have a good heart. rve...l have come to realize you as more than a student; more than a friend..." By this point, her formerly curved lips had tightened, her soft brown eyes had lost all their warmth, and the distinct image of the blackboard was reflected in her watered eyes. I moved closer still, to reassure and calm her, but she immediately leapt up, and stumbled out of the room, stuttering, cursing me in silence. As the door slammed shut and her overturned chair lay by my feet, my eyes too lost their tenderness and, for the first time, I accepted the reality; no one should or could know of this. She had tormented me the past months, flashing me her crude-soft smile and her piercing-gentle laugh, and now she must be silenced. Yet the image of that pretty face, framed perfectly by her smooth brown hair, was imprinted in my every pore and every word she had ever but whispered hummed about my ears and in my brain. Placing myself in her position, I saw my own image reflected in the window- a grown man with rapidly thinning hair, an educator, with "improper" feelings towards a seventeen-year-old girl - in short, not me. For the first time, my opinion of this "being of perfection" was slightly tainted; her soul, poisoned by society, would never see my devotion. I kicked aside the upturned chair; it screeched as it skidded across the polished floor. I crept out of the room, apathetic to everything and anyone about me. By now, the students had dispersed, leaving but a few stragglers lurking amongst the darkened buildings. Knowing where she would run to, I approached that bench behind the Geography block. Seeing my figure approaching seemed to her to be an unbearable vision. Had she realised that, to me, the sight of her own figure symbolised the pain I had endured for so long, for her, perhaps she would not have run further away from me, further away from the school, further away from people. She was still living in a world where grey did not exist; a world where girls and boys courted and men and women married. Although I admired, and even cherished her naivety, and wished and hoped and dreamed of a more perfect world, a feeling of having irreparably damaged something invaded me. Pacifying this potentially dangerous situation was now an obligation. Hearing her muffled cries, amongst her sobs, 1 watched as the faint figure diminished. We both knew that she had made a fatal mistake. She should have opened her mind, just slightly. Or she should have escaped long ago. Fatigue was overcoming her whilst my own strength grew with my intent. Approaching her from behind, followed only by the black clouds slowly moving westwards, my fingers pitilessly gripped that same hand I had so many times envisaged holding, stroking... Her cries soon became inaudible to me. Her face, although reddened by a mixture of anger and tears and fear, still appeared to me to be the most beautiful thing. But she was too weak to accept me. I also knew that I could not let her go; I could not let her belong to some other. Her cries soon became inaudible to all. Now I find myself here, feeling trapped, yet contented. She is mine now. I found my love; I fulfilled my childhood dreams. No one else can have her now. Of course, no one else does understand, especially not the school. But then, they never taught me about love, about romance, about relationships. So who is to say whom one can or cannot love? The Beaver 10 February 2004 B:literature & Bimedia 19 US Propose Shark Incarceration, Manatees to Guard Tuesday, US Homeland Security spokesman, Jay Kennedy surprised tiie international community by outlining plans to imprison certain species of sharks in expansive new aqua-jails. Kennedy: "We can no longer tolerate international terrorism, above the sea or below. These creatures have absolutely no respect for the primacy of man, and the vicious attacks perpetrated by certain sharks will not be ignored. We, as a nation, have both a right and an obligation to protect our waters and we will do so." Kennedy went on to note that the depiction of such animals in popular television shows such as 'Street Sharks' and 'Sharky and George' was "wholly inaccurate", not being the crime-fighting heroes or aimable rouges they seem to be in the media. Species that will be summarily incarcerated include the Great White, Tiger and Bull Sharks. Fears that Hammerhead Sharks (Zygaena Malleus), could spearhead a possible jailbreak has meant that separate plans are being drawn up for this dangerous animal. US officials have stated that work on a prototype jailhouse will begin near Liverpool docks in Great Britain next month. Manatees - the gentle giants of the sea - are to be employed as guards in the sea-complexes; feasibility studies judging human guards to be too costly and inconvenient as a result of their refusal to breathe underwater. The manatees are currently being trained to use top-of-the-line head mounted stun guns. The Department of Homeland Security has rejected claims that the colder Northern climate would adversely affect many of the sharks, saying it will simply "put the fear of God in them". After hearing of the new steps, Joey Truman, a New England fisherman responded, "I'll be glad to be rid of them. Those sharks are evil I reckon, lying around all night watching all with their beady eyes. I won't miss them, that's for sure". However, animal rights activists have responded with outrage to the proposals. They feel that the decision not to allow any sharks a trial of any kind, made largely due to suspicions that jurors and other participants may be eaten, violates the animals' rights. Noel Carter commented, "This is yet another obtuse policy from our unrepresentative government" while holding a placard emblazoned with 'Go Fuck Yourself Bush' during a protest outside the Whitehouse yesterday. Furthermore, many critics have voiced concerns about the extent of this policy. In a prompt reply today, Greenpeace publicly demanded to know if the United States planned to add other sea-dwelling animals to their wanted list, such as sea-snakes, giant squid, or more aggressive types of jellyfish. As of yet, spokemen have declined to comment on this issue. DAVE KNIGHT B:media Something a bit different for all you TV loving kids this week. After all, Bimedia recognises that a change is a good have this instead! An interview with Teacher's star Navin as a holiday and, well, we can't afford a holiday so Chowdhry... Over the last few years Navin Chowdhry has become one of the most recognisable faces on British television thanks mainly to his role as the hapless Kurt in the hit channel 4 series Teachers. Teachers is the only UK Channel 4 drama ever to be recomissioned for a third series, and as all fans of the show know, this is in part down to the fantastic on screen duo of Kurt and Brian (played by Adrian Bower.) Navin, now filming for a new Channel 4 show, took time out to speak exclusively to The Beaver. What you up to at the moment? I'm just filming a new series for Channel 4 called Ny-Lon. It's about a transatlantic relationship between an American woman and an English bloke, and how this relationship affects those around them. I play the man's best friend and agony aunt. It's been good fun to do but it's very different from Teachers. It's more drama than comedy. It is unusual for an actor to go to an exceptional university. You are no different as you went to Imperial to study biochemistry. Could you not get In to LSE? Of course I could. I just heard Imperial would give me a higher standard of education. Well at least that's what all the tutors at LSE told me anyway (laughs). I guess it was a bit of a strange decision to go to uni in the first place but I had been acting since i was 15, in different films and plays, and I just wanted a break from it. I always knew I'd eventually go back to drama. Can you remember the first time you were recognised in public and what was it like? I remember it well! I was eleven years old and was walking to the post office when some parents came up to me to congratulate me on my performance as Wizard Grumble in the Xmas play at our school in Elmlee, Bristol. I was delighted. It made my week. Would do you most like to watch on the box? Well my favourite shows are the Sopranos and the new channel 4 series Shameless which is fantastic. It's the best thing I've seen in ages; very funny show but with great drama as well. And the last film you saw? Probably Lord of the Rings; Return of the King. I haven't been for a while actually. What music are you into and what was the last album you bought? All sorts really I'm quite into my R'n'B I guess. I actually purchased a few albums last week, G-Unit, Otis Reading and Al Green - all good! What are you reading at the mo? Lately I've really got into the Northern Lights trilogy. Great stuff, can't put it down. And finally, what's your favourite restaurant in London? There is a lovely Sudanese place near me in Netting Hill called Mandola. Very cute and friendly, bring your own booze type of place, worth a look! . Ny-lon (clever title that -ed) hits pur screens on Channel 4 this autumn. Meanwhile, for those who can't wait that long for their dose of Navin, Teachers Series 1 & 2 are both out now on DVD with fantastic behind-the-scenes extras. Series 3 is out on DVD in March. Next week in B:medla - An exclusive interview with Michael Barrymore! Or if we can't get him the usual old shite, i knowv which one I'd bet on W .vAT eaver 20___B'3bOUt_10 February 2004 .mh -mm: curm t3!,l , p•^f^ "KKKX m I.UV OOO yCA-BB HOT }i.ovE ^voims JBiltii '"'Ou ^S\^CT B:about edited by Sarah Warwick Ms ¦4S^AXiSL'r \WHe svveet I LOVE WM Go for a romantic stroii Top tips for a romantic excursion. Ok, it may be quite cold at the moment. But what is nicer than strolling along with your loved one, clasping mittened hands and gazing into one another's eyes? London may sometimes seem like its all hustle and bustle but there are some places where you can find peace and just enjoy the company of your beloved! Pick a Park London has some beautiful parks... from the larger Royal Parks to tiny Georgian squares. Visit the pagoda in Holland Park or go boating on the Serpentine in Hyde Park (but be prepared to pay for the privilege). Hampstead Heath affords acres of rambling space while squares around Islington are filled with Spring flowers at the moment. Ry a kite on Primrose liill Since it's nice and windy at the moment (!) it's a good time to return to childhood with a and fly a kite. Buy one at any toy shop and visit Primrose Hill to set it soaring. Ttie Banks of tlie Ttiames It's not the Seine by any stretch of the imagination but the Thames does have a romance of its own. The twin embankments of Victoria and Albert, named of course for one of Britain's most famous historic couples, make a lovely place for a stroii if you pick one of the quieter stretches. Wander down the South Bank and have a pizza at the Gourmet Pizza Company, Gabrielle's Wharf while you watch the people go past; stop and listen to the free classical concerts at the Festival Hall complex over a glass of chardonnay. By Chelsea Bridge is another lovely spot to take in 'Old Stinky!' One of my favourite places to sit for a while is the garden in the bombed out remains of St Dunstan-in-the-East an old Wren church (near Tower Bridge). The London Eye The newest way to take in the romance of London. They are running Valentine's 'deals' at the moment but they take the piss out of the student budget. Normal tickets are £9 for half an hour and worth it on a clear day when you can see almost to the very edges of our sprawling metropolis. Take a punnet of strawberries up there to feed each other and you'll find you can block out the sounds of the other passengers quite easily! Book ahead. Little Venice Not the real thing but it is very tranquil. Enjoy the Canals and have a long walk along the Tow Path. Follow the sign posts from Paddington or Maida Vale. Epping Forest Right at the end of the central line is Epping out in Essex where you can lose yourself in the trees. It'll be pretty bleak at the moment but they'll be crops of crocuses and snowdrops sprouting everywhere. It'll melt the hearts of the most cynical couples. Village life Take a walk around one of the 'villages' of London. Hampstead, Stoke Newington, Richmond and Blackheath are all charming places to walk around, especially if you're more one for the frequent stops at nice cafes and restaurants along the way! Visit Alexandra Palace 'Ally Pally' to the locals this place has lovely grounds, a boating pond and an indoor ice rink. It also has lovely veiws down over the whole of North London. (15 minutes by rail from Highbury and Islington.) 9 "mm ymm Get better gifts We suss out places to buy quality exotic gifts for Valentines Day. Don't get rubber burns this yearl aovE xxxx CXJO 9 1Q00( ooo • HOT- stw TBUE Boys never can resist it. The urge to buy you a cheap sex toy for Valentine's day is too strong. With a gleam in his eye he'll shower you with a haul of toys and games; cheap undervi^ear, body paint, vibrating things, fluffy things, rubber things, handcuffs. Those glow in the dark dice that tell you what to do to each other until you lose one under the bed and one is left sadly proclaiming 'toes.' A video of 40 year old schoolgirls which comes with a smile that says 'watch this with me and I'll love you forever.' I have a great haul of red rubber stuff that I will never use and about 7 pairs of broken handcuffs which broke on their first use (obviously 1 was using them in my work with a disadvantaged children's drama production of 'the Bill' and not for anything dodgy!) Most of my friends have horror stories: getting static shocks from nylon underwear; getting videos of horses or donkeys or hav- , ¦ f ¦ ing to look pleased when presented with a size suspender belt and red fishnets! Actually I'm not being fair. Girls also have been known to buy seedy gifts for a lover. CW A good friend of mine once bought her boyfriend edible undies and an ex boyfriend once showed me a valentine's gift from his ex girlfriend - a posing pouch in the shape of a horse which neighed when you squeezed it! Clearly people need some help to choose a more sophisticated type of erotic gift for this and every occasion. Look no further than B:about's guide to our top five sex shops. Batteries not included. 1. Coco de Mer (IVIonmouth St, Covent Garden) When they say sumptuous they mean this shop, if you can afford the designer end of the sex scale head here and you won't regret it. 2. Agent Provocateur (Broadwick St, Soho) Tasteful and chic, saucy and silky. Even if you can't afford anything they'll let you try on most things. (Take photos et voila, ideal present pour homme!) 3. Shi (Coronet St. near Old St. Tube) One for the ladies (men admitted it accompa nied by a responsible lady) this place is the least sleazy of all London's sex shops but you'll still find everything to tickle your fancy. 4. Harmony (Tottenham Court Rd tube) This place is enormous and has everything a young lusty couple could desire (I hope!) Avoid the nasty outfits on the top floor. 5. Internet sex shops such as, sexshops365.co.uk will sell the merchandise without the embarrassment of catching the shop assistants eye. Just remember not to get them delivered to the address on your credit card if your parents live there! Tip: if you're really strapped for cash but still want to treat your lover to a sexy surprise there is always the homemade option. Girls: the plus to being students is that we're not far from school days so we've probably got that uniform hidden away somewhere. Hike it up and add heels. Boys: borrow a stethoscope from a medical student friend and play your own version of doctors and nurses! XXXX ooo lucm mi KKXK MOT StWF lOVf ¦fOyf?s hot- ! LOVF vc»y ir*iF ' CXX? ¦ LUV y'A fC)T STUr-F I VOL- The Beaver 10 February 2004 KfSS Kte xxxx OOQ m KXJRS LUV YA HOT STUWF I LOVE mm YOU SSMrFI Single? Not everyone is coupled up, so if you find yourself alone in the midst of all the smug couples this year do not dismay...you're not alone. LQWe ILOVE YCXJ KXXSC OOO ttxm YOU xxxx ood IM «IUBS Being single on Valentine's day shouldn't be a big deal. The day is nothing to do with St. Valentine after all... it's just an invented holiday which does nothing but make a fortune for the greeting card connpa-nies, right? If you want to go all social science about it you could even say it just supports the bourgeoisie institution of marriage and undermines the right of the individual to retain their autonomy. Especially at our age it shouldn't matter that we have no one to cuddle up and be sycophantic with: we're barely independent, never mind becoming co-dependant. However if you're having the Valentine's day blues then it is probably important for you to know how to get through this day without feeling lonely, jealous or drowning in a well of self pity. B:about has some tips for things to do that'll make the day zoom past. Be selfish. Relish the fact that you don't have to do anything for anyone else. Make yourself an enormous breakfast and lie in bed til midday reading the paper. Boys - leave the toilet seat up and stink out the bathroom. Then spend the day watching sport and talking about video games. Girls - cultivate luxurious leg hair and flirt with unsuitable people. Spend the day buying and talking about shoes and handbags! Pamper yourself You don't need anyone else to treat you well. Take yourself off to a beauty parlour of spa for the day. Girls try the Sanctuary which is a haven in the heart of the city (The Sanctuary, Floral Street, Covent garden, 0870 770 3350). At £65 for the day it's expensive, but you don't have to buy any Valentine's gifts so what the hell! Boys go for the Porchester Spa in Bayswater. Popular with celebs such as Frank Warren and David Baddiel the place is pally (not like that) and you can chill out and play poker all day. Visit a IVieat Marl^et No, not Smithfield, think Hombres. Somewhere w.here even the doggiest dog will pull like a vacuum cleaner. It may not be big or clever but London can supply nights that will mean you'll only go home alone if you want to. Top of the list is School Disco (Pacha, Terminal Place SWl on Friday, and Po na na. Hammersmith on Saturday) where girls in miniture skirts and boys with long arms and many hands abound. It is a good laugh though and the music will make you cheerful even if the talent doesn't! Try also the Clapham Grand (St John Hill, SWll) which is singles night every night. Hmm. The Church on a Sunday is the last resort and should be visited only when all vestiges of self esteem and pride have disappeared. Get pissed enough and you can go topless dancing to win a T-shirt... it's that kind of place, don't say you weren't warned! Go Speed Dating Can't say I've tried it but if getting drunk and letchy isn't your thing there are a plethora of dating set-ups around Valentine's day. Chemistry is the metro sponsored night where 1000 singles meet (quickly!) and Cosmo have started running the popular 'lock and key nights' also. Look on the web for more info on when and where. Book now as most sell out fast. For an alternative take on Valentine's weekend we will be heading for Vauxhall for a fluff free night of clubbing on the river. Details below... Free Boat Party! Avoid the smaltzy trappings of V Day completely with D n B night on the Albert Embankment. RUTHBARLEY will be... VCK/RF SWEET Want to escape the onslaught of sickly romance over the Valentine's weekend? Then I have the perfect refuge for you. "The Virgin Voyage" on Friday 13th February is the launch party for Platform's new monthly residence aboard The English Maid. It promises a night of quality new musical talent, a friendly,^ diverse crowd and an up for it vibe. If; haven't heard about Platform thengiiow me, to fill you in... Platform is the newest, freshest night to grace drum & bass land. It grew out of a dissatis faction with the current state of] the London scene, the feeling that the dominance of the same big names on the same old circuit was holding back new talent and stifling innovation. So Platform aims to seek out the^ unknown, under-promoted talent that\' has yet to break through. The night pro vides an opportunity for bed room DJ's and aspiring MC's to play out and get the exposure they need ¦lOVEi J LOVE YCKl iom om flOME vou xm C5qo rOtmE ^^VEET and deserve. And what do you get out of it? A chance to hear the sounds of the future. Expect the finest selection of drum & bass, funk, soul and hip-hop played to a total-attitude free, smiley crbwd^ The English Maid is a great venue, moored on the Albert Embankment between Vauxhall and Waterloo. The night is unbelievably FREE and will of course be completely devoid of tacky Valentine's decor, swooning couples and romantic muzak. Platform also runs its "Midweek Mixdown" a residency every fourth Wednesday of the month at the excellent Herbal on Kingsland Road, Shoreditch. For more info on n'these nights and Platform artists check out w/ww.Dlatform.org.uk The Virgin Voyage: 13/02/04, 9-1.30am, free entry. Nearest tube Vauxhall. Midweek Mixdown: 25/02/04 then every 4th Wednesday, 9-2am, free before' 10 then £4. Nearest tube Old Street/Liverpool Street. m OUBS B:about are still looking for writers and people interested in helping with layout. If you are interested send articles etc to s.l.warwick@lse.ac.uk. Thank you to those of you who've written in. Keep them coming! itCJVE "SOU m LUV YA 2^ The Beaver 10 February 2004 edited by Simon Cliff and Dani lsmaii Exclusive Preview... Honey ABTEENKARIMI checks out the talent (or, rather, the lack of it)... in one way, Honey is essentially a 94 minute music video somehow woven around a series of contrived subplots. Once you see the first few scenes, and if you've been paying attention at all when you've gone to the movies, you'll know exactly where it's going and how its going to end. Stop me if you've heard this one: There's this girl, right. A down-to-earth type from a rough neighborhood. And she wants to make it big in the music/acting/modelling business, but no-one will give her a chance even though she's really great. Then, one day, a big time producer spots her singing/dancing/whatever and gives her a chance at the big time. For a while, it's all bright lights and bting bling, even though she never has time for her friends, and her mother insists that she should stop wasting her time with hip hop and take up ballet so she can really go places. (Quick - Name a rich, famous ballet dancer). But the producer turns out to be a total sleazeball and gets her blacklisted in the industry for not sleeping with him. But there's also another guy who really loves her. And then as fast as you can say recycled screenplay, she puts on a big benefit that's a huge success and opens up a dance studio that gives all the neighborhood kids something constructive to do. Pretty much anyone could have written the script to Honey, and quite a few of them Director: Bille Woodruff Starring: Jessica Alba, Lil'Romeo, David Moscow, Mekhi Phifer Running Time: 94 minutes Certificate: PG Release Date: 12th March already have. However, the fact that it is trite and predictable does not necessarily make it all bad -the more formulaic a scenario, the more important it is to try and make the people in it seem less like caricatures and more like, well, people. In this sense. Honey doesn't really work either - The characters, like the neighborhood drug dealer and the producer are bad, and Honey and her boyfriend are good, I guess, but none of them are real in any way that makes the movie rise above its source material. I'm being a bit harsh I think, and applying way too much criticism and reason to a film principally intended for 12 year-old girls. While it's unlikely that the film will prove especially edifying for them, it's also harmlessly fluffy enough so that it doesn't really offend, and it's heart is basically in the right place. However, if parents want something a little more substantial, they should probably take their kids to see Whale Rider, a beautiful, wonderfully inspirational film for young girls, which was recently nominated for an Oscar. Generaily iacking any fiimic substance, Honey should be avoided by all but the exceptionally hard-core MTV Junkies among you. the editor's cut This week, I received a letter... 'Twas a Tuesday evening, and as I waded throught the river of oncoming investment bankers, lawyers, students and the odd beggar along our beloved Kingsway, I suddenly remembered I bore a copy of Beaver. With a twinkle in my eye and a spring in my step I continued to the tube stop with the promise of a hearty read on the journey home. As I eventually managed to race half a dozen other tube standers to a suddenly available seat (kicking and pushing past both the elderly and disabled in a selfish lo Terreve~Tny~~tTr'Bw iCrgSTT l Aftt 01 lu- opened my rucksack to reveal a copy of our much treasured weekly university literature. After scanning the pages ladened with the usual politicial shite Mr. Power insists on printing, I eventually turned to my favorite articles wrote by my favourite journo (aka you). Your light hearted influence provides a bleak but promosing ray of light at the end of the LSE tunnel; a weekly dose of energy and positive spirit to remind ones self that although it is shit, LSE can provide a giggle now and again. After around'2 minutes of reading I came to the article named 'Classic Review....G/ad/ator'. 'This looks interesting', I thought. Simon, who the fuck is Laura Dollin? Is she blind? Did she watch the epic Gladiator you, I and the rest of the world viewed in amazement, wonder and astonishment? Does she have even a basic grasp of the movie scene? Has she got a spike up her bottom? How on God's Earth can a published critic speak negatively of what was, and still remains, one of the greatest contemporary films ever produced? It is sheer splendour. Laura comments ' Gladiator is not only historically inaccurate...' - What? It's a fucking Hollywood film! I would love to read her assessment of Star Wars; 'Not only is Star Wars historically inaccurate but DNA samples prove Darth Vader could never have been Luke's father...'. How can she say Russell Crowe is not fit? For Christ's sake, I'm as heterosexual as they get and have no hesitation in declaring Mr. Crowe to be highly attractive and masculine throughout the film. He's a sex idol hero for God's sake! Get a grip woman! Get a life! Simon, I respect you as a talented writer. Please do not let such trash be published again or the small scatterbrained Brummy you know as Rob will start murdering your co-writers. Yours, Rob Cashmore Esq. Comments, ideas and Johnny s.e.cHff@lse.ac.uk 'Punk-Legend' Lyndon Jungle Quotes: Classic Review... Casablanca Director: Michael Curtiz Starring: Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman Claude Rains, Paul Henreid Running Time: 102 minutes Certificate: U JOANNEUVNCASTER looks back on a romantic nnasterwork... You must have heard them ail: 'Here's looking at you kid'; 'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine'; 'Play it again, Sam'; 'I think this Is the beginning of a beautiful friendship'. Casablanca doesn't have just one classic line; it has most of them. In fact, it has been mimicked, quoted and misquoted so many times that before I watched it I thought it might seem like an extended comedy sketch. Two hours later, with rtiascara^ aadjaars running down mv cheekS; 1 realised I was wrong. Casablanca is a true classic, one of those films that must be watched at some point in everyone's life. A plot this thin probably shouldn't work: lots of I people fleeing from occupied Europe are stuck in Casablanca, and a man called Rick bumps into the-love of his life when she turns up with another man. Who will she choose...? But it isn't hard to tell what carries it off; It's the actors. Everyone in the film from Humphrey Bogart as Rick (looks like a lizard with oodles of charisma) and Ingrid Bergman as llsa, all the way down to the man on the lace stall (a true comic genius if I ever saw one) is brilliant. The best of the bunch -1 dare anyone to contradict me - is Claude Rains as Captain Louis Renault. Corrupt and sleazy combined with hilarious and very likeable can't be that easy to achieve. And he pulls off a U-turn that would make Tony Blair wince without losing a shred of credibility. He comes close to stealing the whole film completely. If you've somehow managed to avoid watching clips or spoofs of the final airport scene, I won't spoil it for you. But if you're at all emotional, don't forget some tissues. On the other hand I do realise that some people hate slushy romances: you will still like Casablanca. The comedy is impeccable. Ignore the central love triangle and focus on the supporting cast, and you'll find very few who aren't playing for laughs. I do find it hard to believe that anyone can stay cynical all the way through Casablanca. Watch it and see if you get converted. Just don't blame me if you start getting emotional over the Andrex puppy... '}T The Beaver 10 February 2004 B:film Another Exclusive B:film Preview... Wondrous Oblivion lONMARTEA is rubbish at cricket... Director: Paul Morrison Starring: Sam Smith, Delroy Lindo, Emily Woof Running Time: 106 minutes Certificate: PG Release Date: 23rd April Wondrous Oblivion is a film that has as its motive one of the most boring sports out there (at least for those who don't play it) - cricket. Thankfully, Paul IViorrison's second feature, after the award winning Solomon and Gaenor (1999), is not about cricket at all. We are given a coming of age story of a Jewish boy, David (Sam Smith), born in the family of two Holocaust survivors in the 1950s England: Victor (Stanley Townsend), a Polish emigre, and a very young Ruth (Emily Woof), coming from Germany. The boy has an empowering passion for cricket, obvious from his massive card collection of cricket celebrities. However, he is totally rubbish at it. His destiny is to change wheYi a Jamaican 6migr6 family comes next door, and sets up an improvised cricket court. Dennis Samuels (Delroy Lindo) teaches the boy the craftsmanship of the sport, and becomes a close friend of David. All seems a very familiar bad-sportsman-turns-great story, but Morrison's script is ingenious enough not to fall in the stereotypical Hollywood filmmaking. The boy doesn't end up the great sportsman that we all wish him to be, but learns something greater, something more important in the process. And this is the 'wondrous oblivion' the author intended to deliver... The 1960s as a whole becomes a decade of surprising changes and animosity, and yet all characters seem to remain static in their conception of their beliefs. This is a good film, and it is worth seeing for the original cinematography and a moving performance from Emily Woof (Passion, The Full Monty), which steals the whole film. Watch out for the dance scene with Lindo, which is dominated both by passion, and religious taboos, and it is surprisingly sexy. The only three problems in the movie are the simplicity with each the Holocaust theme is being treated, the poor knowledge of Jewish faith, as well as the stereotypical two-dimensionality of the entire supporting cast. But this applies only for a picky audience. Wondrous Oblivion is one of those films that one cannot dislike, or at least loathe. Good pacing, beautifully shot, and really quite funny. Goodfellas Classic Review... Director: Martin Scorsese Starring: Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro, Paul Sorvino, Lorraine Bracco Running Time: 145 minutes __Certificate: 18 IVIORWENNABENNETT wants to be a gangster... Goodfellas is a film so cool it makes you want to change your name to Paulie, pack your bags for Brooklyn, and start hanging around the mafia cabstands. With screenplay by Nicolas Pillegi and Martin Scorsese, it follows the real life story of 'wiseguy' Henry Hill and his rise and fall through the ranks of the Cicero family in New York. The film is directed by Martin Scorsese, a man of truly great repute, creating movies ' which generate much critical acclaim as well as cult status {Taxi Driver, Raging Bull). Goodfelias is no exception and his style is apparent throughout as he deals with a subject matter to which he is well adapted. Scorsese guides an audience through the action of the movie by the narration of Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) and his wife Karen (Lorraine Braco). This approach is greatly effective, especially when used over freeze frame shots, and is almost worth it for Braco's Bronx accent alone. The cinematography of the film is also superb. Particularly memorable is the scene in which the camera follows Henry and Karen through the back entrance of the Copacabana club, tipping staff as they go. Throughout Goodfellas, Scorsese creates a superb balance between brutality and humour. Despite the immense violence condoned and committed by the principle characters, you feel compelled to keep watching and at times laugh along with their actions. The dialogue is sharp and amusing, in spite of the obsessive use of swearing (f*ck is said 246 times.) Especially hilarious is the "Do you think I'm funny?" scene with Joe Pesci, which has me laughing every time I watch it. "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster." - Ray Liotta as Henry Hill, Goodfellas The cast is made up of a huge range of talented actors from Paul Sorvino to Samuel L. Jackson, and each take full advantage of their time on screen. De Niro has immense presence as Jimmy Conway, the idol of all rising the mafia ranks, oozing class. The opening bars of Cream 'Sunshine of Your Love' will be unmistakably associated with De Niro forever more. Ray Liotta gives a realistic performance of Henry Hill, thoroughly enabling an audience to connect with the main character of the film. It's a shame he's done nothing of note since. But the star of the show has to be Joe Pesci who won an Oscar for his performance as psychotic gangster Tommy. He fantastically portrays a man who you'd rather cut off your own arm than get on the wrong side of. Although it sounds as though this film glamourises a life of crime, all good things do eventually come to an end. In true Italian American mafia styleee, drugs cause the downfall of the Cicero family and the once all powerful characters are reduced to terrified men, prepared to do anything to prevent ending their lives in prison. As the film ends and the credits role, another perfectly timed song from the soundtrack plays - in the words of Sid Vicious and Henry Hill, "I did it my way....." Goodfellas may not be a favourite with those who abhor mindless violence but it truly is a classic and a must see film. I challenge anyone to watch it and not secretly want to be a gangster for a day. Movie Matters with Dani Ismail I am completely aware that many movies don't get much play time in the cinema, and sometimes due to overwhelming amounts of library time sprinkled with alcohol consumption and sexual exploration, one finds that a film that turns out to be great has totally passed them by when it was playing on the big screen. 1 am also sure many of you will agree that films such as The Ring and City Of God are definitely not of the 24' inch screen era. Well do not fret; this may be familiar to some of you, but www.lon-donnet.co.uk/cinema lists every film playing in every cinema in London every week, and it's a fucking godsend. This week, you can watch The X-Files, Catch 22, Ferngully: The Last Rainforest (wow! 1 loved that cartoon!) and This is Spinal Tap to name but a few random showings, in various cinemas around the city. Please - use this excellent site! Last week Drew Barrymore joined four of her relatives (father, grandfather, great aunt and great uncle) and now has her own star on the walk of fame. She also joined the slightly less prestigious (read: skanky) ranks"of Britney Spears who is looking to be the next Bond girl.'There's a film version of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, a melange of aliens and traffic, in the making, and has notched up a cool crew of Sam Rockwell, Mos Def and cute Martin Freeman (Tim from The Office), teaming up with creepy Bill Nighy again much to everyone's heartache. Tom Hanks is stretching his acting boundaries and playing a player in The Ladies' Man, which seems only fair since his female equivalent has already gone down immeasurably in our eyes. Jacl< Niciioison and Diane Keaton in Something's Gotta Give, showing in cinemas now and reviewed tn last weel<'s B:Film... American 24 actress Elisha Cuthbert has Just risen in my esteem as I read the synopsis of her new film, The Girl Next Door. Everyone must have suspicions that the multitude of talentless blonde (not that I'm discriminating) American ho-sorts that are over saturating the film market must have been blue at some point or another or used the blue industry to get where they are. Well in this film, she basically admits to everyone in the world that she used to be a porn star. Granted, it's make believe and whatnot, but the grain of truth there seems to be more a case of spotting the needle of a lie in the proverbial haystack as opposed to fantasy. Also out this week are The Drean\ers, Charlie, School of Rock and Something's Gotta Give; see earlier editions of The Beaver for reviews (available online atwww.lse.ac.uk/collections/LSESU/MediaGroup/beaverk And if you have a review or news story you want publishing, get in touch at beaverfilm@vahoo.com. 24 B:theatre The Beaver 10 February 2004 :theatre edited by Carolina Bunting and Keith Postler Bally Ho!: 100 Years of Mr. "Ballet If Ballet Composer: George Balanchine (1904-1983) Curtain: 19:30; 2 intervals, 25" each Venue: Royal Opera House, Covent Garden Running Time: 2' 40"; Ends c. 22:10 hrs Dates: Jan: 28-29; Feb: 4,19, 23, 25 Cast List rating: 5 out of 5 stars Performance rating: 4 % out of 5 stars Programme rating: 5 out of 5 stars Ballets-Oh that's where all those ballerinas dance and float around. Oh you thought you knew. No, a ballerina is the principal female dancer-not any female dancer in the corps de ballet (and the prima ballerina Is the chief ballerina when a company has two or more ballerinas. I leave the prima ballerina assoluta to you.). You'd better get this straight if you're going to sound knowing and not make a fool of yourself in the interval chat(up) at the bar(s). For safer gamesmanship try: "Yes, they do show a lot of attitude". This off-hander gives you the advantage on the one hand of appearing as your average cultural idiot in using the clich6 word 'attitude', which is de rigeur i.e. politically correct now, and on the other as a ballet savant using a technical term in ballet for the posture of a dancer standing on one leg, the other raised behind the body with knee bent. It further clinches your status as a man or woman of the world and as a connoisseur of the arts in that you obviously are not using the word in its technical sense in the fine arts (where it means of course the posture of a figure in statuary and painting). Now we've got you suitably sorted out for gawking at the dancers and disporting yourself with panache. Prepare yourself to nod knowingly otherwise as the two Intervals, at 25" each, are for the leisure class who know how to do it right; one actually has time to enjoy an unrushed interval here. Yours truly, your theatre editor, suffered in the stalls furthest back in seats costing £66 a go. At a total dancing time of 99" it costs 66p a minute to sit plush. You might compare that with the cost of sitting at your lectures. Follow this space for affordable tickets in our Tip Box. You can forget about all this and seize the opportunity to see three pivotal ballets-of over the 100 he com-posed-that encapsulate the range of genius in composing ballets by the dominant figure in American Ballet in the 20th Century-George Balanchine. An unparalleled introduction to ballet. Let's clarify that genius. Ballet must traditionally synthesize 4 arts: drama (a story), music (sound), dancing (movement) and d6cor (scenery, costumes, and mechanical effects). Hard Core Balanchine, however, pares down or strikes off the story and formal decor. He goes toward abstract, non-narrative ballets; his are dance-music inventions where the choreographer mirrors in movement (using classical, modern, and avant-garde styles) the rhythms, dynamic intensity, and moods of music. Yet Balanchine does not abandon ballet for modern dance, which, unlike ballet, forsakes the fundamental and set movements of ballet. Balanchine freely and masterfully invents movements using the fundamental set movements of classical ballet. So one wonders whether the choice of these 3 ballets captures this core of the Balanchine brand of ballet. Agon (from the Greek meaning "contest") blends austerity and energy with eroticism and coolness. The piece shows Balanchine pushing classicism towards modern ballet, with its muscular prowess and the expression of ideas and emotion at the fore. Balanchine reveals his boldness and sureness of touch in risking to use the music of his longtime associate Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971), a composer by no means accepted or appreciated at that time. We see a work moving towards core Balanchine. Balanchine uses his interpretation of the story of the biblical New Testament parable of The Prodigal Son as a showcase for dancers as they portray the dramatic contrasts in characters and events that the composer Sergey Prokofiev's (1891-1953) score evokes. Here we have his technique of mirroring music by movement along side the older tradition of showing a story. The Symphony in C has the mark of modern ballet in that it interprets the emotion(s) of the musical piece by George Bizet (1838-1875) orignally composed in 1855: it is non-narrative, rather portraying in movement the melodies, rhythms, and textures in the score. On these criteria, this work might come close to seeming the latest in time. If one did not know the chronology of these pieces, would one place them in the order of performance-Agon, Prodigal Son, Symphony in C-that the Royal Ballet does? The American style of ballet is said to be athletic and expansive, the British precise and lyrical. Does the Royal Ballet capture that difference? Does the Royal Ballet lyricize Balanchine? Go see for yourself. Bonus: Exhibitions on George Balanchine and Serge Diaghilev, with whom Balanchine worked, until March 2004 in the Vilar Floral Hall; free M - Sat 10:00-15:30 and to ticl For further information contact Verena Letzerich, email: v.letzerich@lse.ac.uk tel: 07775 507 038, or Laura Sunder-Plassmann, email: l.sunder-plassmann@lse.ac.uk tel: 07733 185 107. LSE Marxist Forums The rise of Islamophobia - and how to fight it Speaker: Katya Nasim 1 pm, Tuesday 10 February Undergound Bar, Clare Market Building All welcome (bar closed during meeting). Organised by LSESU Socialist Worker Student Society. Post-September 11, there has been a massive increase in attacks on Muslims - whether David Blunkett demanding detention without trial, the BNP calling for repatriation, or Robert Kilroy-Silk's verbal assualts, it is clear that Islamophobia is on the increase. This Marxist Forum is an opportunity to discuss the causes of this racism, and what we can do to combat it. All welcome - bring your thoughts and opinions, join the discussion. LSE Romanian Society ROMANIAN FOOD DAY 12 February 2004 Brunch Bowl A selection of traditional Romanian Food will be served at the Brunch Bowl on 12th of February. There is something for everyone. Enjoy it under the sound of some modern and old Romanian music, in a most friendly environment. On the menu: Cream mushroom served with polenta; Chicken with cream served with patatoes; Romanian burgers, Zucchini stuffed with eggplant salad; Green beans and sour cream; Baked potatoes, eggs and cream; Stuffed lamb; Caltobosi (Haggis). A chance to have something different. Latin American Society holds Weekly Salsa Classes each Wednesday at 7 pm in the Old Gym (Basement Old Building) £2 cost per drop-in session Julian (from Club Salsa) will provide a friendly class with the basics of Salsa dance. No experience required. Singles welcome. ISE FINANCE SOCIETY Presents 'Deloitte Application Skills Session' Tuesday 10th February. 12pm - 1.45pm, D702 An opportunity to find out how to successfully fill in application forms for internship positions. Members Only - No need to register. Non-members can sign up at the door. LSE FINANCE SOCIETY Presents 'JPMorgan Drinks and Canapes Session' Thursday 12th February. 6pm, JPMorgan Office, 125 London Wall. JPMorgan are holding an event for you to find out more about what an internship involves. They'll tell you what they are looking for from candidates and give you an opportunity to chat with JPMorgan people and recent interns over drinks and canapes. To register email www.lsefs.com indicating why you are interested in attending the event, your year and degree subject. LSE Film Society presents-Punch Drunk Love Friday 13th February. 7pm New Theatre "Barry Egan is a small business owner with seven sisters whose abuse has kept him alone and unable to fall in love. When a harmonium and a mysterious woman enter his life, his romantic journey begins" Admission: 50p (non-members sign up at the door) Quite possibly the cheapest cinema in London! The Alternative Music Society presents Braindead. An eclectic night of LSE DJs playing rock, metal, indie, ska, punk, hardcore, emo, electro, hip hop, etc, etc. Wednesday 11th February. 7pm - 11pm in the Underground Bar.SOp for members, £1 for non-members. LGBT society (Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgendered) Misbehaviour - Pre-party for Misshape at Ghetto Every Thursday at half 7 to 11 pm @ Underground Bar FREE WE ALL GET Q-JUMP AND FREE ENTRY BEFORE MIDNIGHT (into Ghetto) FABULOUS INDIE MUSIC AND FREE TEQUILA + ALL THE USUAL CHEAP DRINKS YOU'D EXPECT FROM THE UNION POKER SOCIETY host another successful POKER TOURNAMENT 1 Oth Feb. 7.1 Spm, Room S421 (St Clements Building) To Participate in the illustrious tournament you must register first at su.soc.poker@lse.ac.uk . Hurry Places are limited to 40 people!!!! Russian Society From Russia with Love 9 p.m. - 1 a.m., 13 February. 2004 Parker Place, 51 Parker Street, (near Holborn station) £3 in advance (sold at Houghton street) £5 before 10 Pm, £8 after 10 p.m.- on the night Parents Society UK's school system (information session) Wednesday. 11th February, at 12h00 hrs, in room H208. Dr. Sunil Kumar is a lecturer in the Social Policy department and has recently gone through the process of choosing and applying for a pri- mary school for his son. He is happy to share his experience with other student and staff parents. A brief presentation will be followed by a Q&A session. For more information, please contact Su.Soc.Parents@lse.ac.uk UVE MUSIC SOCIETV PRESENTS: OPEN MIC NIGHT 7 PM, Tuesday 10th February 2004 UNDERGROUND BAR COST: MEMBERS FREE, NON MEMBERS 1 POUND Come watch and support random LSE musicians show off their hidden talent, performing various cover and original songs- ranging from acoustic sets, to Lionel Richie, to full on band performances. MODERN DANCE SOCIETY ANNUAL DANCE SHOW r DANCE VISIONS DATES: WEDNESDAY 3RD & SATURDAY 6TH MARCH - OLD THEATRE IMPORTANT INFORMATION: This is an exciting time of year for all dancers out there ( and those who like watching dance! ) its the 10 year anniversary of the modern dance society and we plan to have a show to top all shows. We're looking for dance pieces in any style ranging from hip-hop/street dance to contemporary to ballet to swing dance, tap dance, break dance... anything that takes your fancy. You can perform a solo or put on a group piece and you don't have to be a member of the society to take part (and its open to both guys and girls) so just send an email to the president of the society (Funke Audu at 0.0.Audu@lse.ac.uk) with all the details. Hayek Society Capitalism: The Only Hope for the 21st Century Monday 16th February. Hong Kong Theatre, 7pm Distinguished speakers will discuss market solutions to modern problems, and take questions from the audience. Chair: John Blundell, Director General of the Institute of Economic Affairs. Speakers confirmed so far: Kendra Okonski, author of 'Adapt or Die: The Science, Politics and Economics of Climate Change', and Mark Pennington, professor of social policy at QM University of London. SCHAPIRO GOVERNMENT CLUB presents... Lord Richard Wilson - 'Reflections of a Cabinet Secretary' Tuesday 17th Feb. Week 6. 17.00, D602 The Cabinet Secretary and Head of the Home Civil Service until 2002 will come and recall his experiences in the Blair government to an LSE audience, including Sir Howard Davies. No man is better qualified to talk about the civil service, or to answer questions truthfully and impartially about work in the Blair cabinet, than Lord Wilson. He is now a Master at Cambridge University. He will also take questions from the audience. Event is FREE, no ticket required. LSESU Southern African Society Tourism and Trade Fair Thursday 19th/Friday 20th February in the Quad between 12-2pm Embassies, Tourism and Travel Operators, Development Organisations, NGOs operating within th Southern African region manning stalls in the Quad, advertising th vyork they are doing, and how students can get involved in their prrjrammes. LSESU Southern African Society South African Wine Party Monday 23rd February in Quad 6-9pm Ticketing through RAG Week Food Fair Due to the resounding success last years party proved, we are holding the 2nd South African Wine Party. Come along taste the different wines from South Africa. There will be over 12cases of wine that need to be finished. Pay £5 for as much as you can drink! Colombian Society 'Ajiaco' Valentine's Day Lunch Invite 2pm, Sunday 15 February. High Holborn Residence. Free for members, £3 for their significant-others who wish to come. Duke of Edinburgh Society One-Day First Aid Course Class begins at 9am on the 21st February at .0109 Cost is 25 pounds, please make your cheque payable to, 'Iman Essop'. Put in in an envelope with your name, LSE e-mail and 'Duke of Edinburgh - First Aid Course' on it. Give the envelope to the SU reception and ask them to put the envelope in the Duke of Edinburgh Society pigeon hole - we'll then e-mail you all the details. Any other information/brief description of event: This is an opportunity to gain your Basic First Aid Qualification. Promises to be good fun and you never know when you'll need it! Cost is £25. For more information contact su.soc.dofe@lse.ac.uk SU Tennis Society has Social Tennis Sessions 12-3pm. Sundays Weekly. Lincoln's Inn Field - coaching available Indonesian Bruneian Society Charity Night 27 February , 7.1 5 pm. IC main dining hall 9 pounds for twelve dish meal. We will be selling the tickets in front of old building starting next week Profit will be donated to UNICEF Iran earthquake relief and for the Indonesian Red Cross from this dinner event. Malaysia-Singapore Society ALIBI - MSS Disco 9:30pm, 17th February. CLICK - 84, Wardour Street, WIF OTG £6 - Standard, £10 - VIP, limited table promotions A night of cheap student-price drinks, and a great mix of music Parents Society Tax benefits available for working parents (information session) Friday. 20th February, at 13h00 hrs. in room L04. David Ealing is an Assistant Accountant, in LSE's finance division, and is very knowledgeable on taxation matters in respect of overseas professors/teachers, etc and self-employed individuals, as well as the UK Paye system, of which taxable benefits forms part of. A brief presentation will be followed by a Q&A session. For more information, please contact Su.Soc.Parents@lse.ac.uk fasttrack » Teaching FROM LEARNING TO LEADING, BE THE INSPIRATION * vr7»* / • % S jjar. students' union Fast Track is a professional development programme to create future leaders for schools across England. Fast Track offers you: • The opportunity to undertake an enhanced PGCE course at a top teacher training provider • National events and tailored development opportunities • A £5,000 Fast Track bursary in addition to the basic £6,000 training bursary • Enhanced teacher starting salary (£19,536 outside London and £22,977 in inner London) • A laptop, colour printer and digital camera. Who will you inspire today? The deadline for applications for London and other Fast Track training providers will be closing soon. We have deadlines at the end of February and March - please visit our website for further details. eepdriment for education and skills creating oppottunliy, releasing pDtcrttijI, achieving excellence Do You Need Help in Your Studies? Valentine's Cards Baseball Hooded Sweatshirts Reduced £19.95 NOW ONLY £10.99 New Range of Beatles and Andy Warhol Greetins Cards Exam Preparation Proof Reading Writing Dissertations All Levels up to Ph.D Contact Dr Donald Sim on 07717 602 559 The Beaver 10 February 2004 Sports 29 LSE Hockey Calls for an End to Animal Testing LSE Women's Hockey.............9 GKT..............................,..............0 Kennington LSE Women's Hockey..............1 RVC............................................1 Somewhere over the rainbow Chrissy Totty Firstly let us hark back to our glory day in Kennington two weeks ago. An epic performance of Jordan proportions against a less than adequate GKT side. After they complained about the number of players we had (max 16), we taught them how to count, and they soon realised that 16 in fact came after 15, not 18, as they had previously believed_J/Vhenj/veJin^^ goalie got her kit on, (what she was ever doing with it off however remains to be seen), the slaughter began. Meenal hitting a double hat trick and the corrupter after having been forced into defence for the past two seasons proved she was an all rounder with an inspiring performance up front making up the remaining three goals. This was all thanks to Captain Spandex and the twigs she kindly gave us from her tree of knowledge, her inspiring words "get the ball and score" will remain with us forever. At 6-0 her instructions to not be mean and only score pretty goals was laughed off the pitch! Next up the Vets.... Concerns that the Royal Veterinary College were illegally extracting bull semen to boost the performance of their women's teams were confirmed last Wednesday when we discovered the women's team charging a red light at Battersea junction. We always knew something was up with the bunny boilers... We were a little concerned about this match anyway, having been gored 4-0 in their muddy pastures earlier this season. Not to mention the fact that Munchkin was hit by a bus en route, an Incident which was later mirrored by our 7 stone star striker Meenal who gave the Vets a taste of their own medicine by bull charging their 10 tonne defender, and coming out unscathed, much like Munchkin. However, if it was not for certain members of Euston Tech, who insisted on "umpiring" our match we would be reporting on our one-nil victory. We are deeply suspicious as to whether this small-footed, curly haired gusset parasite had just passed his umpiring exam or a semaphore course. Anyway, we will get back to that. The match began positively with LSE applying all the pressure and this was rightly rewarded near the end of the first half when we went one nil up thanks to a stunning strike from our glamour puss Pana. We battled on, sustaining our lead until the final minutes of the second half when the air traffic controller prematurely blew his whistle in excitement, (a problem for which there are helplines by the way), as the Vets were hacking around our goal area. Let us detail this for you; 1) ball in our area, vets attack; 2) foul committed on Vets player; 3) whistle blown; 4) LSE and Vets players stopped; 5) ball rolls in to hit back board; 6) goalie looks up and questions outcome; 7) "Newly qualified" referee walks to goal and sees ball over line; 8) goal given; 9) LSE team robbed of victory! So as the final whistle blew it was 1-"1". Thoroughly pissed off after the dogs ate all our teas we decided to give walkabout a miss, yes even Munchkin and Club Sandwich. LSE Netball 1st have a rant about Sod's Law LSE Netball 1st......................22 St Georges...............................25 Wapping Olivia Schofield LSE Netball 1st......................19 Royal Holloway.......................24 Lincoln's Inn leading 8-2. Our amazing passes and general excellence on the court left the whores dumbfounded. However, after this first quarter everything changed. It was as if St. George's decided that the only way to win was to adopt That doesn't even come close to expressing the frustration felt by the mighty mighty LSE first netball team this week. Having reorganised our dynamic squad to account for the loss of Cat last week, we were ready to kick some serious arse. This week we were up against the saints and sinners (aka St. George's Medics and Royal Holloway) - nice pun hey! On Monday night the team dragged themselves over to Wapping for an 8.30pm start. We'd played St. George's before and we lost by 1 goal after their umpire changed the score!!! We wanted revenge and to let those cheating bitches know that they were pikey scum. Unfortunately the plan didn't quite go as we'd hoped but despite a desperately close loss, when they walked away from the pitch they were left in no doubt that we hated the fuckers. The first quarter was a walkover, we were the age old tactic of playing dirty and pushing, shoving and abusing us at every opportunity. This new routine caught us slightly off guard and by half time the score was pretty even. The best thing about our team is that we like to give as good as we get. Our pretty faces, fragile physiques and general goddesslike auras can disappear in a second and the nails come out. Jade's favourite technique is the full frontal charge - she runs as fast as possible into them and they fly like skittles. I personally prefer a subtler approach, elbows in their backs and general verbal abuse pointing out every time they infringe the rules and telling them how shit they are - this always succeeds in pissing them off. With new tactics we went into the third quarter with heads up. After an agonising 15 minutes the whistle blew leaving the score still in a draw. The fourth quarter commenced, both teams glaring at each other and wanting to pause the game to smack them round the face. The match was so close, but unfortunately we lost by 3 goals. However, we've come to terms with our loss, Maame decided that the goal shooter was an Ore (or at least looked like one) and frankly that's enough to put anyone off their game! We're not bitter, we have just acknowledged that the are "ugly fucking cheating whores" whereas we are nymph like goddesses and will get our sweet revenge one day. Well that's Monday over with... Wednesday... Royal Holloway scum. As all AU teams know, their reputation proceeds them. Since they don't do proper degrees at their uni they have time to train 5 times a week (as I was informed by one of their players), and since they are named after a prison they have had tactical tips from the inmates and disregard the rules of netball and generally play like criminals. The LSE beauties still felt slightly frustrated from Monday's game, even though our Ann Summers goodies had arrived, they couldn't take the edge off. We got on pitch ready to fight - which is pretty much how they played the game. It was a slow game with many interceptions which made it tense because the scores were low. After the first 15 minutes it was 5-5. Our game was flawless, we should have taken the lead, but dodgy shooting on our side and lucky shots on theirs caused this result. After another agonising quarter the score was 10-10. And believe it or no after the third quarter it was 15-15. By this time we were getting tired. We had possession of the ball for about 70% of the time but the shots just weren't happening - this might have had something to do with a particularly minging goal defence who kept ploughing down the shooters and standing so close to us on penalties we almost fell over. Another favourite technique was to bum us off the back line when trying to get rebounds - yes, you read right - they would actually use their fat arses to push us off the court by doing a forceful thrust like motion. Not a pretty sight. The fourth quarter started off as tense as the others, one goal each until 19-19, this is where something happened. I'm not sure what, but something went wrong. They broke the centre and it was 19-20. We had our chance to break back but lost it, they took advantage and scored 19-21. It was at that moment we knew it was over. We didn't have the time to claw back and we seemed to stop. They shot 3 more and the whistle went. It was a really tough game which we are gutted to have lost, but hey, at least we know when we leave LSE we won't be back, whereas they will just shift campus into the next door "boarding house" version of Royal Holloway... Next week we're up against St. George's 2nd team so at least that will be a walkover. And then we're playing Gimperial on Wednesday - another walkover, despite the fact Jade is leaving us to get high in Amsterdam, so CAPTAIN PHOEBE will move from defence to be our new star shooter! That will be interesting to say the least... only joking X LSE gives School of Pharmacy a Golden Shower LSE Footy Sixes............ ............8 School of Piss............... ............1 Wariolands Matt Bawden Shitting Crikey what a day. The LSE 6s away trip to School of Piss deep in the wilds of Wariolands (Ealing) started badly. Firstly the ever consistent captain Oyvo was too ill to play. Secondly, one stop on the central line and his replacement Gaz Carter had to make an emergency dash out of the tube to spew his guts all over Chancery Lane. Gaz had been at Crush the previous night and as such Fran pointed out that the illness was self inflicted. Gaz's response: 'How can it be self inflicted when other people were buying me the drinks?' A good point well made. As you probably know Gaz is the first team captain, and I think getting this pissed the night before a ULU cup fixture is a shining example every FC member should aspire to. Eventually we arrived in the Westside. Most of us were a little disappointed that the pitch had no changing facilities, nets or grass. Schwartz, the laughing hoe, took this disgust to a new level. Ranting 'How can they prescribe dmgs when they can't even book a decent fucking pitch. Yo man I'm never going to Boots again.' When asked where he would buy his Viagra during this boycott he stated 'Where I always get it man. Cliff. Anyway with an official photographer and supporters Caustic, Hester and some stoners we proceeded to the game. Replacement captain Oslo led the team out to what looked like the fields of Flanders, minus the machine guns. Our opposition were all Indian. If we didn't have Kesh on our side, kits wouldn't have been necessary. The first half was pretty appalling. Admittedly the ref was a slop badger. The small bean regarder failed to give us two blatant penalties as he was looking at the kiddie playground. But we taught him some nonce sense wh^n we went a goal ahead as one of lheir defenders took pity oh our rubbish shooting and headed the ball into his own net. Joss then .did the same. This marked a rare moment in football whereby the whole team were celebrating a conceded goal. We had lost our lead, we could get knocked out of the cup BUT Joss scored an own goal! Some members of the team felt this cancelled out his consolation goal in a previous game. Yet more of the team refused to even acknowledge Joss' goal against UCL. The second half was tense for ten minutes. Fran and I were under strict instructions not to go over the half way line. This was largely due to our first half performance where we were caught short on innumerable occasions as we ventured fonward like gay Doug in the rubbish old days. Eventually our tighter fonnation paid off and we took the lead. About twenty minutes later we were comfortably ahead. C.Ivan missed toe easiest chance ever arid was immedialfely substituted for Kesh who added two to the total. S.Loppy put in a skilful performance at left back. Mentions must be made to the stand |n skipper who scored and Lyie who Bagged a hat trick. Rich scored. The final score 8-1. Oh yeah and true to fonn, rubbish Doug turned up after the game had finished and we'd all left. The day was commemorated beautifully at Anus house where beer users were getting pissed up on booze. The majority of the victorious team were quaffing champagne well into the early hours of the moming. 30 Sports The Beaver 10 February 2004 Undefeated and Undefeatable!! LSE Women's Rugby............43 Middlesex................................0 Enfield, North London Van and Tasty Not that we're complaining, but quite firanidy, our constant show of superiority, brilliance and successive victories were getting downright repetitive. It can get surprisingly dull being a ridiculously good team, and the LSE WRFC were eageriy anticipating the challenge that Middlesex were hyped up to be. Their equally impressive undefeated record meant that we were finally to meet with worthy competitors. While that knowledge would have made the average rugby bloke quake, we LSE lovelies know how the game's meant to I be played, and thus fearlessly awaited the battle. Half an hour late and still no caniage In sight (what else can be expected when men are put in charge of such arrangements), I and there were fears we would miss kick off. Captain Hannah took it all in her stride, and to the great excitement of the townsfolk of Dalston, we managed a sexy little strip off on the bus and were all changed and kitted up, ready to head straight on to the pitch. Tme professionals let nothing stand in their way, most certainly not struggling to put on a sports bra while contorted under a bus seat. Our lithe and nubile bodies still bruised and aching from being trampled on by the Vets (and their pet bull) on Sunday's fieldtrip to the Back of Beyond, we made it off the bus and into starting formation in super-sonic speed, and minus our usual warm-ups and sprints, the match began. Despite the inconvenient disadvantage of our entire team being stiff, cold, and bursting for the loo, we took hold of the ball and were in their half within seconds. With a stupendous burst of speed, prop Kelly (obviously a closet back-row) deftly picked up a fumbled pass and sidestepped the trolls as they waddled towards her, sprinting fon/vard to place the ball squarely between the goal posts scoring try number one. Full back Laura 'better than Lever* Boyd effortlessly converted it with a swish of her long legs, giving us a clear lead. Awesome. We even forgave them for being American. Cleariy aggrieved that their home-turf advantage had done absolutely nothing for their game, Middlesex turned things up a notch, only to be meant with the force of our fantastic forwards. With Tasty Hastie, Hester and Kelly in the front-row, the unstoppable second-row of Isabelle and Sandy, flankers Jane and Johanna, and Hanimal bringing up the rear, the poor trolls didnt stand a chance. Eight lean mean, absolute muscle machines hit them hard, and with her trademari< accuracy, Scrum half Ellie had the ball out to our back row, and into the hands of Special K, who legged it all the way across the pitch, col- lapsing in an asthmatic heap, but not before scoring try number two. Yet another conversion by Laura and we were on a roll. (Running out of extravagant praise already and still 29 points to account for. A thesaurus for Valentine's Day is in order I think) The back row were not to be outdone, and were determined for their share in the glory. Jen Bush, Kay, JoJo, Nellie and Sexy Kate strutted their stuff with a beautiful perfonnance of perfect passes and fancy footwork before passing it to Johanna who charged through a laughable attempt of a defense to score our third try. Middlesex supporters began to walk away. Four minutes to go which obviously meant plenty of time to score some more. The opposition kicked blindly, right into LSE hands an amazing catch by Louise, fully recovered from the traumas of wnsdom teeth extraction and back on the pitch where she belonged. Conjuring up images of our favorite pair of psycho-netball-blondes (and I don't mean my housemate Fiona) gave Tasty the much-needed incentive for a hasty dash into opposition tenitory. How we ever won matches before stumbling upon the secret of how to ACTUALLY maul I will never know. Thanks to some expert tips from the England Women's Rugby team a few weeks back, our giris wowed the crowds with choreographed rucking and mauling, much to the excitement of Captain Hanimal, who commandeered possession of the ball for a sneaky try number four. We pause the exciting commentary now for some trademari< ranting of how our fat/ugly/defbnned/stupkl/fat opponents are. Alas, the higher v/e get in our league, the more nomnal our opposition become. In all faimess, the Middlesex women's rugby were not outrageously obese or monstrously mutated and they were even rather nice. We were just beginning to enjoy playing fellow human beings instead of the usual beasts and bulldozers when haHUme came, and from the depths of our back row someone cried 'THERE'S A BOY ON THE PITCH". Amidst hoots and cheers from Middlesex, a squat man strutted onto the pitch. A new referee perhaps? Or someone's boyfriend coming on for a quick pep talk? Or mayt)e just the Middlesex mascot wearing what HAD to be a gremlin outfit no one could have possibly been bom with ears that pointed. No no. It was their hooker, and a Welsh Intemational hooker at that. Lucky Vanessa. Having just been subbed on, she simply couldnt wait to get mashed in the scrum. Getting slightly nervous now, but still aware of our massive lead, we got back into the game, detemnined not to let the disturiDing new male presence on the pitch unsettle us... too much. Sarah doubled up her screaming support from the side, and with fresh blood in the forms of prop Ayesha and flanker Gibson, we were charged up and ready to go. The second half passed in a blur of hard tackles and rapidly accumulating stud-mari