FILM - Stoned, MUSIC - Jack Rose, FASHION - Accesories, TRAVEL - Philippines in Part B

7th February 2006 Issue 636 The newspaper of the LSESU
ISLAM CULTURAL AWARENESS WEEK
LSE Students'
* degrees discredited
FEATURES1 (M1	POLI"

'M INTERVIEW WITH AN OLIGARCH
ovsky
12]SSfofLAWf4
DEBATED
Paper throwing stays; C&S goes
^c&s accuses ugm of illegal conduct a ugm dismisses entire c&s committee ¦ ugm ends in uproar
Elaine
Londesborough
News Editor
The Constitution and-Steering committee (C&S) were spectacularly 'no-confidenced' at the Union General Meeting (UGM) last week. Faced with huge opposition to their decision to ban paper throwing at the UGM, and in the heat of the moment, a supra majority voted to dismiss the entire seven person C&S committee.
The move to ban paper throwing was taken at the C&S •meeting last Monday night, where it was resolved that paper throwing could contravene the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA). Under the DDA, service providers must make 'reasonable adjustments' to their service and that; "service providers should not wait until a disabled person wants to use a service which they provide before they give consideration to their duty to make reasonable adjustments."
After much debate, the members of C&S voted to ban paper throwing by five votes to one, with the chair abstaining. The following morning, James Caspell, C&S member, consulted the Disability Rights Commission (DRC), who informed the Union that they were right to ban paper throwing on the grounds that the UGM is a service that allows people to address policy concerns.
The decision was followed
by the sending of the weekly global email by LSE Students' Union (SU) Communications Officer, Chris Heathcote, containing a few lines on the banning of paper throwing. After announcing the decision, Heathcote wrote "Come to the meeting and hear the reasons why or try to overturn it", a move described by some as inflammatory.
Caspell told The Beaver: "Heathcote's global email was a moral, legal and constitutional disgrace, which has undermined both the rights of disabled students to participate in the UGM, but also the legal position of the Union"
Heathcote, however, refutes the claim. Stating: "It is my job to advertise the activities of the Union and in particular the UGM, that's what the Global Email did," he rebutted accusations.
He continued, "James may have preferred C&S's decision to have been kept quiet, but judging by the higher than usual turnout at the UGM, I feel that students had a right to know and that they wanted to know what C&S had done."
Various emails were passed around the LSE Athletics Union (AU) teams in the intervening days, calling on members to arrive at the UGM with extra paper to throw.
At the UGM, following the report from the chair of C&S, Simon Douglas, who announced the ban, the Old Theatre erupted with heckling and paper throwing and a move to overturn the decision was shouted for from the audience.





Beaver!
Matthew Sinclair was the first student to speak against the ban. To cheers from the audience, Sinclair exclaimed that paper throwing is an integral part of the UGM and that the "DDA doesn't stand up".
Following Sinclair, Dave Cole, former UGM chair, spoke for the ban. Cole suffers from Menieres syndrome, which can have a serious effect on a person's balance, and has been trying to get paper throwing baimed from the UGM for many years.
Cole told The Beaver, "paper-throwing affects some people at the LSE, particularly those with balance disorders, apart from being intimidatory, and prevents them from playing a full role in the UGM. It is clearly discriminatory."
According to the Menieres society, around one in every 2,000 people are affected by the syndrome, making it very likely that there will be at lease one student affected at any one time at the LSE.
Sinclair feels, however, that the current situation , whereby a person can request that no-one throws paper, is sufficient. "As the condition is rare and the difficulties posed by paper throwing can be overcome if people are asked not to throw paper at a speaker with a disability, only limited changes can really be reasonable," he said.
Simon Bottomley, LSE SU LGBT Officer, was the next person to speak against the ban. He claimed that "to ban it outright is wrong" and that "only certain people will have paper thrown Editoriai, comment pages 6 & 7
LSE library to pilot 24 hom opening
Laura Deck
Senior Reporter
The management of the LSE library is intending to extend opening hours to 24 hours. Student feedback as well as lobbying by the Student Union appears to have been successful in the quest to increase the opening hours of the British Library of Political and Economic Science. The budget for the 2006-2007 academic year submitted by the Library and Information Services Committee
includes a bid to keep the Library open 24 hours during the Michaelmas and Lent terms next year.
Library hours are already extended to 24 hours for eleven weeks during the pre-exam and exam periods. After a successful pilot run of 24 hour opening in Summer Term of 2004, the Library agreed to repeat the practice annually. According to the budget submission the "extended opening is extremely popular with students and usage is high." Student opinion however has clearly wanted longer
opening hours during the rest of the year as well.
This was partly prompted by concerns about computer usage. Student member of the Court of Governors James Caspell, who also sits on the Library and Information Services Committee (LISC) told The Beaver "Given that ten percent of students do not currently have access to a computer off-campus, and that from next year on they will be working increas-ingly irregular hours to
Editoriai, comment page 7
Line between life and death
Who should be entrusted to make decisions about the fate of critically ill newborns?
Back Page
LSE continuos its bril-Jiant winning streak against King's College
Football 4th XI
Win tickets to see the legendary band in the Jazz Cafe. Complete review and details in About
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mt ^
02 ^eaverl 7 February 2006
>0 o
d o
K o
Paper kirowins,
Were C&S S6ht ot -rr-^ to b.\n n''%:afik UGM?
Degree dep«:le
nivursity of Lditdon Degree quality uestioned
PROFESSfRiJACQUIN-BERDEL.'fe|iite to well loved InternationlHlelations Professor
Paper throwing ban overturned; library to go 24 hours; cSn-Saundei-s disruption; IR Prof dies; Ming Campbell at tlie TiiE
I .
1
Student opinions of Islam revealed
42%
Nazir Hussain
AFRO-CARRIBE/KN flavour on campus	Photgraph: Magiws Aabcch
To PROMOTii THEIR UPCOMING IXAJs?CE SHOW, THE LSE STUDENTS* UNION AFRO-CARRIBIUN SOCIEIY SHOW OFF THEIR MOVES ON HOUGHTON STREEF.
A survey conducted by the LSE Students' Union Islamic Society ahead of Discover Islam Week has revealed a correlation between the number of Muslim friends students have and their perceptions of Islam. Questions were asked on basic facts as well as general perceptions of Islam to the 93 randomly selected non-Muslim students in the Quad, Brunch Bowl, Tuns and Underground. The survey revealed that half of the respondents knew at least five Muslims whom they considered as friends, while some 15 percent had no Muslim friends at all.
42 percent of respondents held the view that Islam oppressed women. Of those who had more than 10 Muslim friends though, only 15.4 percent held this view, in sharp contrast to 70 percent among those who had no or one Muslim friends. The favourable perception of Islam among those who had more than 10 Muslim friends was a trend mirrored in responses to other questions - only 3.8 percent believed that Islam promotes violence, in contrast 58.2 percent among those who had less than 10 Muslim
friends.
The negative perception of Islam among those who had no Muslim friends was highlighted. 30 percent of those without any Muslim friends agreed with the assertion that Muslims had contributed little to 'world civilisation' compared to the average of 13.6 percent. 19 percent of those with less than 2 Muslim friends believed that Muslims in the West posed a threat to their democracies, in contrast to only one tenth of those with more than 2 Muslim friends.
On the theme of 'basic knowledge of Islam', 57 percent of Muslims with less than 2 Muslim friends wrongly believed that Muslims worshipped the prophet Muhammad, in contrast to only 30 percent of those with more than 2 Muslim friends. Similarly, a third of the former group was not able to name the Quran as the Muslim holy book, whilst the figure amongst the latter group was only 8 percent.
Almost all respondents knew that alcohol was prohibited in Islam and that not all Muslims are able to understand Arabic. However, only half of all respondents could correctly identify Indonesia as the country with the greatest number of Muslims.
think Islam opresses women;
21%
thinkMam encourages violence;
8o%
think Muslims need to integrate more in the west;
y/%
nk Muslims worship Muhammad
Construction will rock Carr-Saunders
Patrick Cullen
Senior Reporter
Students and residents of Carr-Saunders are set to be disrupted during the exam period because of building work next door. Attempts to prevent ARUP's demolishing and rebuilding of a building at the comer of Fitzroy Street and Rowland Street from going ahead failed, with Camden Borough Council's Planning Committee giving ARUP the go ahead despite complaints from residents about the potential disruption to students' academic studies.
David lymms, the School's Accommodation Officer, told The Beaver that he is "not aware of any complaints to the Accommodation Office," and the ARUP development was an unavoidable side effect of the "fortunate location of LSE halls in the centre of a world class city which are from time to time... affected by neighbouring building development."
Citing previous cases, he went on to say that few "would argue that Bankside House is not better now that it has Tate Modern as a neighbour." Defending the LSE's lack of clout with Camden Council, T^mms stated that the School "has no powers to 'prevent building work'. Where we deem planning applications to be unreasonable we do of course object or seek to have designs modified."
Concerning	Carr-
Saunders, however, lymms
reassured The Beaver that "representations by staff and students led to the imposition of a legally binding Section 106 Agreement which means stricter than normal noise controls during the exam period. Camden Council, along with all London boroughs, also has regulations that control the hours work can take place and powers of injunction if these are abused. LSE will use both these facts to ensure compliance "as best it can" while any students selecting Carr-Saunders as a hall of residence would be "fully aware that the hall may be noisy for a period of time."
The warden of Carr-Saunders, John Kent, told The Beaver that there was "no official Carr-Saunders position" and that it was "the views of the students that should be the main consideration." Both the then Hall President, Selina Lam, and Carr-Saunders Sub-Warden Geeta Kulshrestha, had attended public meetings along with the Hall bursars.
Lam and Kulshresha were the main force behind Camden Council's adoption of the Section 106 Agreement, after the pair went to a Council meeting where, according to Simon Chignell, the Students' Union Residences Officer, they were "unable to present a petition they had collected, and the discussion from the Council centered upon the economic benefits of the build, rather than considerations for residents.
Lam told The Beaver: "prior to their planning application being approved by the
council, we launched a campaign and petition against the demolition. We submitted a written deputation to all the councillors on Camden Council's Planning Committee, outlining our concerns ... We were too late in submitting a request for a spoken 'deputation' at the meeting [to have] 5 minutes to speak against the application."
Furthermore, she said, "The council's debate was mainly focused on the economic gain ... rather than the welfare of current residents ... In fact, one of the councillors totally dismissed our concerns as 'temporary student residences'. No need to say what we felt about that."
Regarding the Section 106 Agreement, Lam declared that "one of the councillors found [it] in their heart to require an additional 'sentence' in the planning application requiring special construction arrangements during the exam period." The petition, however, has not yet been delivered to Camden Council, as Lam and Kulshresha were unable to speak at the meeting. However, Lam reassures residents that "we will be using it to put further pressure on the council and ARUP to honour this "sentence" about the exam period."
Kent went on to say thafif there is an official School position the views of the students most affected should be considered when defining such a position and if there is going to be an attempt to influence the Planners or Camden Council's Planning Committee's views then mobilising the students is
the only effective way that the planning process might be so influenced especially in this area."
Commenting further on the issue the SU's Simon Chignell declared that "Obviously my position is that any construction work that disrupts students from working/sleeping in the place they should be able to call home is a bad thing." Chignell went on to say that "sometimes it is a necessary evil that we can't stop and have to put up with, as students at Bankside know all too well."
Residents of Carr-Saunders appear rather sanguine about the work. Paul Latheron, a first year, said that he and his friends felt it "all rather old news" and that "we're not too bothered - we can't stop it now so why should we worry?"
Demolition is due to start "any day now" according to Lam, and ARUP's work is due to "last 14 weeks and should stop just before the exam period. So we live in hope." Lam further commented that, "after a slow start, the LSE are lending us their full support ... I hope this example of co-operation will lead to improved relations between the institution and its students on all levels."
Having handed over her duties as Hall President to Tochi Nnaemeka, Lam assured The Beaver that Nnaemeka "will be working with the [Carr-Saunders] wardens, mangement, the LSE and ARUP to ensure the section 106 agreement is upheld."
Construction near Carr-Saunders Photograph: Magnus Aaljoih
NEWS			leaver		03
					
C&S no confidenced over paper throwing decision
Above: the AU make their point from the Balcony of the Old theatre
Above: C&S CfL\ir Simon Doi/gi-^s ;v:>\kes his report to the UGJN;
Below	vote the no-confjdence
comm"t'"re
Library to open 24 hours
Continued from page 1
pay for their top-up fees, this is an important policy".
Students' Union Education and Welfare officer Sian Errington agreed with Caspell: "I think that it is a signal that the Library and the School are responding to the fact that students are now much more likely to be working irregular hours in paid employment to be able to stay at the university, meaning that academic work takes place during increasingly anti-social hours."
Caspell also credited the threat of a sit-in at a Union General Meeting (UGM) earlier this year "The UGM motion which mooted a sit-in was acknowledged at the highest levels of management within the Library, and certainly helped to tip the balance."
After consulting with the outside firm that provides security for the Library, it was determined that the only way to extend hours during the Michaelmas and Lent terms would be to open the Library 24 hours. This was due to the fact that existing opening hours had been pushed as far as they could go with security guards completing 12-hour shifts. The minimum require-
C&S member James Caspeli, defend's his commritee's decision to ban paper throwing at the UGM
Photgraphs: Latch Kazemi-Vcisari
Continued from page 1
at them.
"If you come up here and spout bollocks you will have paper thrown at you," he exclaimed.
Caspell was the final speaker in defence of C&S's position. He appealed to the
UGM on the basis of the DDA, saying that "whatever our views are on paper throwing, we should uphold the rights of disabled people to speak in their Union."
C&S member Azan Aziz Marwah brought his concerns about paper throwing to C&S on Monday and made his feelings clear throughout the UGM on Thursday. He was frequently told to calm down by the Chair, Vangelis Livanis, and at one point threatened to throw a magazine at Bottomley during his speech.
Marwah told The Beaver: "It is a violent practice that in any other environment would be called hooliganism and unacceptable. If people are being hurt, being excluded and being intimidated away from the UGM, then it cannot be accepted anymore."
The decision to ban paper throwing was overturned by a convincing majority of the UGM.
When asked how sensible it was for the Union's Executive committee to be so vehemently opposed to C&S's decision in the light of possible legal implications, SU General Secretary, Rishi Madlani said: "the Exec noted C&S's decision on Monday and have since sought advice from the School's Disability Office and Health and Safety Officer.
"We are disappointed that C&S have taken it upon themselves to make the decision without consultation and before any external advice was sought. Members of the Exec feel they were acting outside their remit," he concluded.
Following the repeal of the unpopular decision, an angry UGM called for a vote of no confidence in the C&S committee, which, after speeches for and against, passed by much more than the supra majority	needed.
Consequently, C&S attempted to bring the meeting to a close by leaving the room. However, two members remained, the number required by the constitution to allow the meeting to continue.
Arthur Krebbers was one of the two who remained. Stating his dissatisfaction with the behaviour of the committee as a whole , he said: "It seemed to me to be useless to leave a mere 5 minutes before the end, especially when there were still a number of highly important motions on the agenda."
Douglas, as chair of C&S, felt that their dismissal was uncalled for. He told The Beaver "C&S had done nothing to deserve its dissolution. We were acting, in all instances, in the best interests of the Union, and within our remit."
The nominations for the new C&S committee opened immediately after the UGM and will close this Wednesday. Some have been concerned that the plans for this by-election seemed to be in place before the vote of no-confidence was even called. Responding to the claims, Heathcote said: "Certain bitter members of C&S are trying to suggest that I 'plotted their downfall', but this is utterly untrue. I had no role whatsoever in proposing the motion of no-confidence and abstained from the vote to no-confidence them.
"Before the UGM, the Returning Officer and I discussed the feasibility of holding a by-election because in the days after the C&S decision to ban paper throwing, it became increasingly obvious that many students were angry at their decision and that a motion of no-confidence was a serious possibility."
ments for the lengths of security shifts make 24-hour opening the most reasonable solution.
Due to some staff vacancies that were left empty for long periods of time, the Library has some "non-recurrent savings" that could potentially fund a pilot run of 24-hour opening in the Michaelmas and Lent terms during the 2006-2007 year, with the purpose of determining student demand for the service. If the pilot is successful, the Library will require additional funding after next year to continue the service.
Errington pointed out that not all costs of the pilot have been accounted for, and that additional cleaning costs are not being included in the current budget. Caspell felt that funding looked likely however since "the Library has its own funding for the pilot and if that is successful, the School will be hard-pressed to turn down finance in future years."
Head of Library Services Maureen Wade told 'The Beaver that result of the Library's budget bid probably will not be known until May. Wade assured that the Library was well prepared to handle the responsibility, especially since it has provided 24 hour opening in the past.
f
The LSE Library, soon to have 24 hour opening
Photograph: Maria Skundrik
Union Jack
Jack went to the UGM, full
of excitement over the
new paper throwing fiasco, whereby the Cocky&Stupid Committee attempted to kick paper throwing out, yet had the heavy boot applied to their own sorry bottoms. A pint of preparatory beer before the UGM, and an FC group email sourced through IT Services, which alerted Jack to the AU's exciting plan, resulted in a bright and chirpy Jack attending Hack's Paradise.
Fishi's weekly shocker statement this week involved his alleged affair with the penguin - he admits that it is his "pet" which he is "taking care off". While a unashamed admission from Queen B-Lack that she and Sian were trying to steal money from a hardship fund shocked Jack, the rest of the UGM seemed so obsessed with paper throwing, that Jack decided to forget about holding our holy Uhion's Sabbs to account, and go with the flow, or rather the floor.
C&S self-destructing absolutely enthralled Jack this week, with PussyBoy Douglas giving his farewell speech with massive pauses in between each word. Reason - he was trying to make the UGM stretch long enough, trying to ensure that the proposal wasn't voted on. His weird insinuations that the global email educated everyone, each week on the Disabilities Discrimination Act, and that the UGM was actually a debating forum where people came to throw stuff at him for an hour, confused Jack and entertained most of the OT.
Mutt Sink-air made his usual bollocks-spewing rant, which for a change was greeted with rapturous applause. Meanwhile, peaceful Muzzy Marwah's pathetic confession to being intimidated and assaulted by paper throwing by the Balcony Boys, and being threatened by the Bottomless Gayman added yet another dimension to the afternoon, especially after he threatened to throw not just paper but an entire magazine at VanMan. Perhaps the UGM should offer to pay Muzzy's hospital biUs
James Gospel's insistence that our fascist Union was discriminating against disabled people, because they were incapable of standing on stage, seemed a bit discriminatory anyway to Jack. His insistence that people who suffer from anxiety and depression must have paper thrown at them as well, gave Jack a major culture shock.
The CaveMan yet again tried to force the Union to bend under his will even after being relegated to the floor of the OT. Jack hopes he doesn't get too flustered by the following lines, lest he fall over in the middle of Houghton Street after reading this column. Question of the day: why didn't the CaveMan just write it into the Constitution? Why get a bunch of silly paper throwing addicts to vote on it?
Van's brilliant mathematical skills underlined why he was	elected	over
DoAwayWithMe Dewji - his brilliant analysis that 5/8ths was greater than 2/3rds seemed a fitting closing line to a UGM that literally resembled a playground.
04Reaver! 7 February 2006	NEWS
Campbell quizzed at the LSE Student contracts
\
f
Mark Fisher
Sir Sir Menzies Campbell answers questions from students
Andy Hallett
Liberal Democrat leadership contender Sir Menzies Campbell gave an informal 'question and answer' session at the School last Wednesday. The session, arranged by the LSE Students' Union (SU) Liberal Democrat society was the first given by a Liberal Democrat politician since the visit by then leader of the party Charles Kennedy to the School last year.
Accompanied by MPs Sarah Teather and Julia Goldsworthy, Campbell tackled a broad range of subjects, from his opposition to the war
in Iraq to his education policy. Teather stated that he had a "passion for social justice and liberalism", echoing sentiments expressed when he spoke at a leadership hustings held in the Old Theatre several weeks ago. Campbell declared that there would be a Liberal Democrat "war on poverty" if he were elected leader.
Campbell, a former Olympic athlete and QC felt confident enough to remark of David Cameron's newly resurgent Conservatives: "bring them on". He reiterated his opposition to tuition fees, claiming that . having the ancient university of St. Andrews within his Fife con-
stituency meant he had knowledge beyond his foreign affairs brief, particularly in education. Campbell said that his ultimate aim was for every Briton to receive the opportunities he has had.
Discussing foreign policy in detail, Campbell said he was a "passionate European", although he condemned the "unjustified"	Common
Agricultural Policy. Regarding Scotland's place in the UK, Campbell almost dismissed the "West Lothian question", saying he would never exclude Celtic MPs from voting on purely English legislation, a position which differs from leadership rival Simon
Hughes. He stated that the Liberal Democrats were in the need for electoral reform, even admitting that the Party had "failed" women and non-whites in terms of representation.
Finishing with a consensual point, Ming said he would serve under either of his two rivals, should they win. Ben Biggs, Chair of LSE Lib Dems, cited Sir Menzies' "progressive principles and energetic campaigning" as one of the reasons why he was backing Ming Campbell for leader. According to Biggs, he is a "a man who can lead the Liberal Democrats into the 21st century"-
NSS survey far from complete
Chris Lam
News Editor
Participation by LSE students for this year's National Student Survey (NSS) has been very low, raising fears that students may receive phone call questionnaires in order to complete the survey next year.
The aim of the NSS is to assess the quality of students' courses and aid the choices of applicants to Higher Education and contribute to public accountability. In order to be included in the survey, 50% of third year students are required to participate.
This year, the survey has been promoted by the Sabbatical Officers with posters, fliers, and a global e-mails sent to all students. However, by last Friday, only 23% of LSE third years had completed the siirvey.This is in contrast to last year when the sabbaticals effectively boycotted the survey. By the April
deadline of last year, 55% of third years had completed the survey.
The LSE can hand over students phone numbers to IPOS, who administer the NSS to conduct the survey. Once the data has been handed over, they are entitled to call students up to 12 times.
Students' ' Union Communications Officer Chris Heathcote said, "if we miss the 50% target by the time the survey closes in April then the School will not be very happy and will certainly want to use phone numbers next year and may not include the SU or listen to us, since they got 55% last year with an SU boycott."
Heathcote continued, "We really need third year students to look at the emails they are receiving from the NSS and to complete the survey online, as the data collected is enormously useful for prospective students looking to apply to LSE and also to the SU so that we can push the School to work on areas of weakness."
Oxford University has announced that students may have to sign contracts with the university obligating them to study and attend lectures. Students who violate the contract and do not attend lectures or study sessions could find themselves in court opposite representatives of the university.
The contract has been drafted by the Conference of Colleges, and could be in place as early as Michaelmas Term 2006. It was co-authored, by the president of Trinity College, Michael Beloff QC. Oxford University has stated that it will recommend that each of its colleges use the contract in the coming year, though none of the colleges will be forced to introduce it. The Student Union of Oxford University has shown great concern over the contracts, objecting that they were not involved in the drafting process. There is also some concern over the lack of clarity on such issues as the quality of teaching guaranteed to students.
Emma Norris, the president of the Oxford SU, commented to the Oxford Student, "The contract has no minimum level of provision for teaching or accommodation and no commitment to discussing any
serious changes to teaching or courses with students."
An anonymous law professor at Oxford also cast some doubt as to the legal legitimacy of these contracts, "It's not clear because it has not yet been tested in court, but a sizeable body of opinion would argue that the courts might take an interest in these terms being imposed upon students. There could be a future issue with litigation from students... they come off so weak in this contract."
Representatives from the university have countered these criticisms with claims that it is very unlikely that the university would actually take a student to court over breach of contract. Rather, the university sees the contracts as a way of protecting itself from lawsuits filed by students who have not received the grades they desired.
Students at the LSE need not worry about similar contracts making their way to Houghton Street. An LSE spokesperson said, "The School has no plans to introduce student contracts such as those likely at Oxford. We already have in place Codes of Good Practice which students receive when they join us and which are also on the web. These set out basic reciprocal obligations and responsibilities of staff and students."
SE ON
"^Boris The JmERvmw, 'act B pages 4&5.
Pholograph: Laleh Kawmi-Vcisari
IBeaverj 7 February 2006 105
University of London degrees slammed
Wil Barber
The quality of degrees at the University of London (UL) was strongly criticised in a report by the higher education watchdog last week. The report has further fuelled the debate about the institution's future.
The report, released by the Quality Assurance Agency (QAA) last Monday, expressed "limited confidence" in the UL's ability to oversee the quality of degrees of its member universities, of which the LSE is included. It comes at an embarrassing time for the University so soon after the move by Imperial College to seek independence from the federation. It adds further to speculation that other colleges will follow suit.
The main criticism stemmed from the discovery by the five-strong auditing team that the University had been unaware of QAA criticism of a foundation degree at Birkbeck College, even though this was a UL degree. The University of London has, however, rejected the criticism on the grounds that the QAA auditors "misunderstood" the way the UL's federal system works, telling The Guardian that extra checks would be costly for the University, and increase bureaucracy.
Despite this, the QAA auditors have called for the UL to be more accountable over degrees issued in its name,
meaning further interference in each college's affairs. It is likely that colleges will be resistant to this.
The QAA, however, is expecting action to be taken on this report. The chief executive, Peter Williams told The Guardian newspaper, "In a case of limited confidence, the QAA will expect, as in any case, an action plan to be produced, which we would expect to monitor"
Currently, all members of University of London have degree awarding powers, but none choose to exercise them. Instead, degrees from the member universities, such as LSE, carry both the London name and the name of the particular institution. This incident has, however, caused questions to be raised as to whether members should now use their degree awarding powers.
In a bid to counter further speculation a spokesperson for LSE said: "The School's position remains that LSE might wish in the future to exercise degree awarding powers while remaining in the University of London. What other colleges do is for them to decide."
The University of London is 170 years old and comprises 20 members. Although the report is potentially damaging to the University's reputation, some members, including Birkbeck and Royal Holloway who benefit from a raised status have leapt to its defence.


Senate House, home of the University of London library
Photograph: Magnus Aabech
IR professor remembered
I
Amy Williams
Senior Reporter
Tributes have been paid to LSE International Relations lecturer. Dr. Dominique Jacquin-Berdal who died on January 24 2006.
Dr. Jacquin-Berdal was appointed as a lecturer in the International	Relations
Department in 1999. Having studied in the University of Montreal, she came to the LSE to study for a PhD. Whilst a postgraduate, she became Editor, and subsequently
Associate ' Editor of Millennium, the LSE-based journal of International Relations.
Following her PhD studies on the quest for self-determination of the African nation of Eritrea, she published the book 'Nationalism and Ethnicity in the Horn of Africa' in 2002. Her work and teaching in the area of nationalism in Africa, allowed the International Politics of Africa course to be revived within the IR Department.
Her colleague in the IR Department, Professor James
Mayall paid tribute to Dr. Jacquin-Berdal saying that she was an "innovative, imaginative and inspired teacher". Mayall, one time teacher of Jacquin-Berdal continued, "Dominique had a special gift for friendship, and she touched and enriched the lives of many beyond the International Relations Department and the
"Dominique had a
special gift for friendship, and she touched and enriched the lives of many beyond the
International Relations Department and the School itself, important as both institutions were to her. We shall miss her greatly but we shall not forget her."
School itself, important as both institutions were to her. We shall miss her greatly but we shall not forget her"
A memorial service took place in the Norwegian church in Rotherhithe on Saturday 28*'^ January. She married Mats Berdal in 1996, with whom she had a daughter Ingrid, bom in 2001. A website has been set-up via the IR homepage where colleagues and students alike are encouraged to leave tributes.
Represent us!
Elaine
Londesborough
News Editor
A poll conducted by The Beaver proves conclusively that students want to be represented on the Director Selection Committee. Following last weeks news piece on the issue, The Beaver asked students in the Quad and on Houghton Street whether they felt it would be
in their interests to have a student representative on the committee that plays a huge role in the selection of the director of the School.
All students approached said that they thought there should be at least one student on the Director selection committee, with many saying they felt there should be two. One student commented; "university is about students after all."
The decision is likely to be taken at the next meeting of council.
ioo%
of students want representa-
tion on the
Director Selecion Committee "Universtiy
is about students after all"
ID card report
Simon Davies, the LSE academic singled out by the Prime Minister in his recent attack on the School's report into the government's ID Card scheme, has written to Tony Blair threatening legal action if the claims are repeated.
Davies is thought to have the backing of several other leading members of the LSE, and told the Financial Times newspaper that he took legal advice following the continuing attempts by government ministers to damage his reputation in their attacks upon the LSE's Identity Card Project report, despite the intervention of the Director of the School.
Howard Davies' intervention came on the January 20 in the form of a letter to Tony Blair, recently published on the LSE's website, urging him to correct his "quite wrong" statement made to MPs about Simon Davies and the report.
Patrick Cullen
Events
The controversial scholar Tariq Ramadan gave a talk at the LSE last week about the prospects for engagement between Muslim Democrats in the Western and Muslim world last Monday.
Ramadan argued that the democratic principles of law, equal citizenship, universal suffrage and accountability were compatible with Muslim values.
He called on democratic countries to start applying their principles consistently. To do this he believes there is a need for 'critical citizenship' in which Muslims are treated as citizens not 'minorities'. This would require more civic education and historical knowledge, but not the sort of history which only dealt with the 'positive aspects of colonialism'.
Asked what he thought of the election of Hamas, he replied that it was hypocritical for America to demand that the Palestinians recognise Israel whilst not making the same demands on Israel recognising the Palestinian state.
Muin Boase
Protest
The LSE SU Respect society turned out to a commemoration for the hundredth British forces member killed in Iraq. LSE Studnets' Union (SU) Respect e-mailed its members in an attempt to gather support, however, only three students turned out at Parliament Square last Tuesday.
When questioned by The Beaver, Lizzie Hull, LSE Respect chair, said of the low turnout that, "In general we tend to get a pretty good turn out to public meetings we've organised at LSE, but there are not all that many of us that are regularly involved in organising for Respect at LSE. The vigil on Tuesday was inevitably short notice and so the turnout was not great."
Hull went on to say, "The events that LSE SU Respect will be organising this term are aimed at building a large core of students who will attend this important demonstration, on the 3rd anniversary of the beginning of the Iraq war, to demand withdrawal of British troops from Iraq and an end to this disastrous war."
Patrick Cullen
061 leaver I 7 February 2006
COMMENT
&
ANALYSIS
Paper throwing discriminates
'They have sown the wind, and shall reap the whirlwind' (Hosea 8:7)
We are very lucky at LSE in that we have an active Students' Union in which we can all participate on an equal footing. We can aU go to the Union General Meeting and propose motions to set Union policy.
That is, of course, unless you happen to be disabled.
There is a long-standing tradition whereby paper is thrown at unpopular speakers on the stage of the Old Theatre where the UGM is held. Now, I could say how this is meant to be intimidatory, how very few people who throw paper actually go up on stage, how it stifles debate, how it puts people off from attending in the first place, how it puts off those who attend from speaking and so on.
I want, however, to focus on a particular aspect of paper-throwing: the fact that it discriminates against people with disabilities. People with balance disorders - I myself suffer from Meniere's syndrome, a condition that affects balance - find it very difficult to be on stage when they are being subjected to a barrage of paper because what they happen to be saying is impopular with a section of the UGM.
The LSE's rules, the SU's Constitution and Codes of Practice and the legal advice from the Disability Rights Commission all say that where someone is put off participation, as in this case, the problem should be remedied. Moreover,
On the advice of the DRC and of disabled students, paper-throwing is discriminatory. I am convinced that if an action were taking place at the UGM that discriminated against female, black or LGBT students, we would be in uproar.
iDave Cole
the advice from the DRC specifically says that, by failing to prevent paper-throwing, the Executive Committee - the legal trustees of the Union - are putting the SU at risk of being sued.
One option that has been put forward is that students with disabilities should identify themselves and thus not have paper thrown at them. This raises a series of problems. Given the atmosphere of the UGM, I submit that people who throw paper would consider those who don't want paper thrown at them to be in some way weak and not participating in the 'spirit' of the UGM. Secondly, I fail to see why anyone, under any circumstances, should be forced to disclose a disability. In line with current best practice, the LSE does not require anyone so to do; why should the Union? Thirdly, this idea won't work. I tried to remove paper-throwing from the UGM two years ago. At that time, I said on the stage of the UGM that I suffer from a balance disorder and that I didn't want paper thrown at me. I was also assured that I would be 'put under the Chair's protection'. I still have paper thrown at me.
On the advice of the DRC and of disabled students, paper-throwing is discriminatory. I am convinced that if an action were taking place at the UGM that discriminated against female, black or LGBT students, we would be in uproar. I fail to understand why the Executive Committee, and particularly those officers associated with the Liberation campaigns, are not opposed to paper-throwing.
It has been said that by
removing paper-throwing from the UGM, we will decrease turnout and so end the last weekly students' union meeting in the country. In the five years I have been attending UGMs, there has been a decrease in turnout. This largely started when Will MacFarlane was elected and brought his 'students not politics' mantra to the UGM. The decrease in turnout is because we rarely have controversial motions, instead having only motions that deal with the minutiae of SU affairs. While these motions and the accompanying discussion is undoubtedly important, the highest turnout I can remember is when discussing a motion on boycotting Israeli goods, that filled the Old Theatre and half the New Theatre and did not have paper-throwing; people are attracted by intelligent debate.
It is also often said that paper-throwing attracts people
to the UGM. This question is usually put in the UGM, and so is answered by a self-selecting group that accept it, without reference to the vast majority of people who do not attend the UGM.
Paper-throwing at the UGM is discriminatory - some people are prevented from speaking at the UGM - it could easily be removed and would have no detrimental effects on the Union. The only arguments for keeping it seem to be based around tradition. I'm sure I don't need to enimierate other, less attractive actions, that have been justified on the basis of tradition.
I hope that when you read this, you are somewhat aghast that, at the LSE, this centre of academic excellence, there are people who feel it is appropriate to throw paper at each other This childish tradition must go.
In defence of C&S
Former C&S member James Caspell defends his recently no-confidenced committee.
After last Thursday's show trial of the Constitution and Steering Committee, I thought it only right that the case for our decision was spelled out in this publication.
Last Monday, a discussion was held at a C&S meeting regarding the conduct of the UGM. After lengthy discussion.
in the presence of our General Secretary and Communications Officer, as well as four 'ordinary' students, it was decided by an overwhelming majority that paper-throwing should be banned. During the debate, which included first-hand evidence from a disabled student, it was acknowledged that paper-throwing excludes people from speaking at the UGM if they



: k. ' ¦ ¦
have any of a range of disabilities, including balance disorders, photosensitive epilepsy as well as ailments such as anxiety or depression.
Aside from this, every speaker has a constitutional right to be able to speak at the UGM 'without intimidation'. Finally, Annexe A.3 of the Codes of Practice states that the 'Students' Union is committed to implementing positive action in order that students with and without disabilities have the same opportunities.'
On that same evening I notified C&S and all four Sabbs. that I was consulting the Disabilities Rights Commission to find out if there was a legal obligation for us to ban paper-throwing under statute law, as we had also suspected. There is.
The DRC (Disability Rights Commission) advised that paper throwing was a breach of the Disabilities Discrimination Act and that the Union 'should not wait until a disabled person wants to use a service which they provide before they give consideration to their duty to make reasonable adjustments.' Given that advice, it became clear that the Union was breaching statute law, as well as its own constitution.
In the meantime, our ability to communicate the need to
uphold the Union's legal obligations was entirely undermined when Chris Heathcote, a paid legal trustee of the SU, decided to send a global email to 7,500 students inciting them to 'come and overturn [our] decision' with no explanation of why we had banned it. On Tuesday evening, we had emailed all four sabbatical officers the advice that we had received from the DRC and reminded them that they had a legal obligation to. keep the Union in line with the law. We received no reply and presumed, naively, that they supported the legal justification.
The UGM itself was a disgrace to what used to be a progressive Union. Firstly, two Executive Officers submitted an emergency motion to discuss the issue of paper throwing in a clear attempt to undermine our decision. In the debate that followed, the immoral vociferous-ness of Heathcote and Black in criticising our resolution to uphold the rights of disabled students also undermines their own electoral promises to 'create an environment where everyone feels they can get involved' and 'ensure the services we provide reflect the diversity of our students' respectively.
Only two weeks ago. Black deemed Heathcote's mere censure 'excessive' after he took a
day off to go running around Kings dressed as a vicar. However, she did not feel it necessary to defend C&S from a no-confidence merely for doing their job in keeping the Union in line with the law.
The UGM of course had a right to discuss our decision, but the sentiments of certain members of the Sabbatical tetrarchy seemed clear from the outset. To add to this, it has emerged that Heath'cote and Returning Officer Doug Oliver had discussed a potential by-election even before the UGM was held, 'in anticipation of a no-confidence'. Meanwhile the sight of LGBT Officer Simon Bottomley rejecting our argument, despite admitting that paper throwing could constitute assault, would have been laughable, if he himself was not elected to defend discrimination within his own remit.
The real victims of this outcome are not the seven men who have been removed from office, but the hundreds of LSE students that have permanent or temporary physical and mental difficulties, who will continue to be excluded from having a voice in their Union. I hope in future that their rights to participate come before anyone else's right to throw paper.
UnlM
EXECUTIVE EDITOR
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COMMENT&ANALYSIS	leaver] 7 February 2006 107
IBeaver
Et tu, Brute?
Two weeks ago Natalie Black, The LSE SU's Iron Treasurer stood up and told the UGM why it should not pass censure against the then belea^ered Chris Heathcote. A motion of censure, it was commendably argued, was something of grave significance: to be passed not without serious consideration. In the history of the UGM, we were told, censures had only ever been passed for embezzlement, gross incompetence and illegal practice.
Why then, this week, should many of the Union's Executive Committee fall whole-heartedly behind the no confidencing of C&S? C&S committed no malpractice; they did no wrong and they obeyed the constitution.
Admittedly feelings were running high, at it was no surprise that people would seek to take action.
C&S made an error in judgement: taking onboard a volatile political issue without consultation or support. They acted unilaterally (though crucially, did not do so without the force of the constitution behind them.). The decision they took, though controversial, was theirs to take should they so choose. It turned out to be a stupid mistake the UGM saw fit to correct through a vote which rapidly rescinded the ban on paper throwing.
Alas, the politiques were out to get the unpopular C&S committee. Members of the Union's Executive have made no secret of the fact that they would like to see C&S hung out to die a death for some time. Fortuitously, by shirking consultation and taking a foolish plunge, C&S made their own house their gallows.
So here's the rub: C&S were cavalier in their decision; but the Executive Committee had an obligation to ensure balance at a UGM they knew would verge on anarchy. (Perhaps Ms. Black should have volunteered to defend C&S from no-confidence in the same way she defended Heathcote from censure?)
The truth of the matter is that all the Executive want is an impotent C&S: a committee that manages the UGM and administrates the order paper; anything else threatens to infringe upon their god-given right to represent the panoply of Houghton Street opinion.
Thus a serious issue became a political football; grievances were settled and the Executive got to see the end of the upstarts. Replaced next week- this one's a cracker - by an entirely new committee in time for the most constitutionally complex four weeks of the year: elections.
However, the concrete issue will not go away. The Executive are still going to have to face up to the pandoras box C&S have left wide open in their wake. By not acknowledging the issue and the concerns raised, and dealing with them sensibly, the Exec will find itself between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, the inescapable unpopularity of banning paper throwing, and on the other, their legal obligation as trustees of the Union.
Whether they will deal with the predicament in a calm, balanced and judicious manner remains to be seen. After all, when the knives came out, it was the Exec who were holding them. Better that than paper we suppose, Congruis, Brute?
24
This paper commends the efforts of students and staff alike in piloting the termtime opening of the Library 24 hours a day.
There has long been a demand among the student population for longer opening hours. Of course, such a development should be taken as both a sign of the good and the bad: good for accommodating student needs and recognising the necessity of increasingly flexible working hours, bad for being a sign of growing academic pressure on students.
For now, we think this is a welcome change; and a definate recognition of the fact that students deserve the best from LSE services as members of one of the world's foremost universities.
Retraction
The Beaver would like to apologise for the inadvertent inclusion of offensive remarks in last week's 'Auntie Shaw' column. We deeply regret any offence which may have been caused by the comments, which were made in poor taste and with an utter lack of tact. A full enquiry will be made at the next collective meeting, details of which are available from chairperson, Alexa Sharpies:
a.c.sharples@lse.ac.uk
Letters to the Editor
The Beaver offers all readers the right to reply to anything that appears in the paper. Letters should be sent to thebeaver.editor@lse.ac.uk and should be no longer than 250 v^^ords. All letters must be recieved by 3pm on the Sunday prior to publication. The Beaver reserves the right to edit letters prior to publication.
Banning paper throwing
Dear Sir,
I am writing to share the experience of my first UGM in 2001 with your readers.
I asked the Ents. Sabb. why strobe lighting was used at Crush without signage or warning - having an Acquired Brain Injury and photosensitive epilepsy, this was preventing me from accessing Freshers' Events.
After I'd asked this from the ground floor, a shower of heavy paper missiles rained down onto my head from the balcony. Stunned, I turned and said, "Don't do that, I have epilepsy". To my amazement, rather than stopping, they replied, "She's epileptic, throw it harder!" and continued. This is not an urban myth, the Sabbatical team of 2001-2 will corroborate this as an emergency meeting was held following this event. This happened at a time when I was having seizures frequently that were triggered very easily - a shower of paper could have done it. If I were not such a determined character, I would have left the Union.
Having campaigned for disability rights through the SWD Society, Circles Network and within the School, I know of many students who did not speak at the UGM due to the intimidation of paper-throwing. There were many motions I wanted to submit - paper-throwing prevented this. The one time I did speak, I was taking a severe risk
With the introduction of the Disabilities Discrimination Act, the time has come for this "tradition" to end and for the LSESU to take a principled stand.
Your sincerely
Priya Bose
LSE alumnus and Honorary Life Member of LSESU (2005)
Dear Sir,
I would like to thank the LSE Students' Union for wisely rejecting the decision of the (former) C&S Committee to ban paper-throwing at the Union General Meeting.
I am a non-AU, non-office-seeking postgrad who has attended nearly every UGM this year, amid throngs of undergraduates, AU members, and SU office hopefuls. I am struck by the energy exhibited at the UGM, in debates both serious (living wage, school budget, 'incitement of religious hatred') and less so (banning Christmas, screening Neighbors in the Three Tuns). I have overcome my annoyance at the cliquishness of the UGM because of my interest in the debates and my fondness for honest, ripe, and yes, sometimes brutal, public confrontation. The UGM is a imiquely LSE experience and I intend to enjoy it during my year here.
It's true that the UGM is about much more than paper-throw-ing, but it is that tradition which
The Rogue's Gallery
No. 9 : Barbarians thwack Rome

makes it so unique and, dare I say, fun. The fact that Matt Sinclair, the voice of LSE conservatives who is so often bombarded with paper by a sea of hostility, was an outspoken opponent of banning paper-throwing is a testament to its value. He said that by trying to save the UGM (by passing the ban), C&S was actually killing it, for attendance would surely dwindle. He is right.
If those in office are really concerned about the difficulty of getting members of the student body to participate in the UGM (and if a true cross-section of the LSE attended the last meeting, C&S may not have so quickly dissolved!), they should be more innovative and less humbug in their approach to governance.
Sincerely,
Cynthia Cook
LSE Postgraduate student
Dear Sir,
Following the UGM's decision last Thursday to no-confidence C&S and my later announcement of a by-election to be held in week 6,1 was more than a little surprised that one of the outgoing members of the committee accused me of having "colluded" with the SU Communications Officer to bring about their "urmecessary downfall".
Whilst his strong implication that I was somehow responsible for the no-confidence vote is risible, I do not particularly blame the former member of the Committee for being miss-informed by a false rumour had been widely circulated. The claim that I had printed nomination forms for the C&S by-elec-tion, before the old committee had even been fired, is false. In order to clarify, no nomination forms were printed before the UGM - as SU Receptionist Anna Ngo or Jime the Su Admin assistant can attest.
Following C&S's decision to ban paper throwing on Monday -the merits of which I shall not comment on - It was clear that it did not require the Kaiser Chiefs or Lord Scarman to conclude
that the ingredients were mixed for some kind of "riot" at the next UGM. A no-confidence vote having been widely anticipated, I made the decision on Tuesday to hold a by-election in such an eventuality, and informed the Chair of C&S, the Communications Officer and several others of my intention- I can therefore sensationally reveal that there was no plot on my part to bring about the committee's downfall.
Though I was not technically compelled to hold a by-election-as the new committee will only serve for four weeks- I decided it would have been extremely improper for the current one to remain in a position of authority, having been sacked by the Sovereign body of the SU. On Thursday, after The UGM had spoken, It was clearly necessary to give students the opportunity to elect a new committee which it has faith in - particularly as the important Lent election approaches.
Under the rules for organising by-elections, nominations are required to be opened at 14:00 following the UGM. I therefore had to print nomination forms out very quickly to fulfil my constitutional commitments - I did this by about 14:20 and this must have been what raised suspicion that I had printed forms off beforehand. However, it remains unclear how even if I had been better organised, this would have affected the decision of the UGM - perhaps the outgoing member could explain.
Despite the unpleasant nature of his allegation, I happily invite him to run again, as I do any student committed to upholding the Constitution and Codes of Practice of the LSESU.
Kind regards,
Douglas Oliver
LSE SU Returning Officer
Statistically suspect_
Dear Sir,
In the article "Requestioning the racial divide?", which appeared in last week's Beaver, Simon
Taken from the Beaver archives
Douglas writes that "Indeed, I remember seeing an ethnic breakdown of national exam results; of all the ethnic groups, only those of an Indian background had comparable results with those of white students." Obviously Mr. Douglas did not conduct his research properly (indeed, no source was mentioned). According to research published by National Statistics Online on January 8, 2004, his claims are completely false. "In 2002 Chinese pupils were the most likely to achieve five or more GCSE grades A*-C in England, with 77 per cent of Chinese girls and 71 per cent of Chinese boys respectively. Indian pupils had the next highest achievement levels: 70 per cent of Indian girls and 58 per cent of Indian boys achieved these levels." After Indian pupils followed white students and students of "any other ethnic group". Such results have been consistently replicated for A-levels, too. I quote from the Times Education Supplement published May 7, 2004, "Chinese pupils are the highest-performing ethnic group at all ages."
Seeing such inaccuracies, I implore Mr. Douglas to conduct his research more carefully and thoroughly from now on. For others to truly find credibility in your article, it is important that statements come from real, substantiated evidence and statistics, and not merely from hazy memory.
Yours Sincerely,
Jessica Ho
(Web links for citations supplied - ed.)
Sir,
As I am sure you are aware, a survey is a statistical analysis of answers to a poll of a sample of a population. If, as is claimed, last week's front page article (Laura Deck, 'Pushed to the edge?', 31 January 2006) was based on an 'exclusive survey by The Beaver', it is good journalistic practice to publish its methodology and results in full.
Chris Colvin
08 iBeaver^ 7 February 2006
FEATURES
Politics/Law/Business/Careers | thebeaver.blink@lse.ac.uk
ISLAM
The right approach
If you were to open the official newspaper of the Palestinian Authority on November the 18th 2005 you would have seen a shocking cartoon depicting a jew (of the Nazi stereotype mould) with a grim reaper style scythe dancing through a pool of blood. It would only, in fact, be shocking if you were not used to the typical disposition of much of the arab press towards jews. The revulsion I felt from looking at this cartoon helped me to understand just what it must feel like for a devout muslim to see your Prophet Mohammed lampooned in the world media, as has happened over the last few weeks. The cartoons are indeed offensive (one depicts the prophet with a bomb for a turban) particularly for a faith that believes any depiction of the divine is sacrilege.
Whereas the cartoon in Al-Hayat Al-Jadeeda led to a listing on www.intelli-gence.org.il a website that tracks the inexorable rise of anti-semitism in the Middle East the response to the cartoons published in Europe was quite different, 500 people marched outside the Danish Embassy in London calling for the killing of editors and broadcasters who were responsible for showing images of the Prophet Muhammed. This demonstration showed the chasm in understanding between some muslims in this country and the rest of society. It has always been difficult for people of faith to accept that in a liberal democracy there is no protection from being offended. If you hold an opinion like, Mohammed is the perfect being and should not be depicted in drawing, you must be prepared to have that criticised. It is only from this tolerance that society can flourish, I do not wish to return to the Tudor practise of burning people to death because their beliefs are offensive.
How did we get here? Why does a certain group, i.e. a few of the sons of hard working pakistani immigrants, not fall into line with every other weird and wonderful group who has come to this country? Previous immigrants felt the warm glow of freedom and subsumed British values that come with it into their own. Anecdotal evidence would suggest that the current crop of Muslims who hate us so much are part of a confused and lonely generation who feel no allegiance to Britain and no allegiance to the countries of their parents. Prom this position they fall into the comforting certainties of militant islam, and with a little indoctrination cross the boundary from open debate and into intolerance and violence.
Where does the blame lie? Partly with our bizarre take on tolerance and inclu-siveness, for too long the media agenda has been set by a cosy coterie in north lon-don who, by virtue of having two black friends decided that there is no problem with integration. What is more they band about terms like 'institutionally racist' to silence anyone who tries to bring a different opinion. Constantly barracking the Police, the Media or even LSE as racist builds a culture of mistrust between communities. Where there is racism it should be vigourously stamped out, but accusa-
G8 - What Now?
We ai
really%ct^Ped at Gleneagles
SRI
A HISTORY
tions should be based on evidence and those in prominent positions should realise the damage they do to integration by labelling particular groups as racist.
I have written previously about the damage Britain's constant self-criticism inflicts on the health of our society. The lazy liberal consensus talks of 'outreach' while simultaneously undermining the history and achievements of this country. Radical mosques we must remember do not 'outreach', they provide an unapolo-getic uncompromising message, something young people can feel a part of and gain confidence from. It is no wonder the most disaffected choose this over some wet social worker who wants to talk about their 'issues'.
Up until now the damage inflicted on racial and cultural harmony in a free society has come from well meaning but incorrect thinking on the nature of disaffection. In the Religious Hatred Bill (now thankfully modified) we saw a direct betrayal by Labour of a free society, by prohibiting criticising someone on the basis of their religion they showed the same incomprehension of the axiomatic western values as the lost souls outside the Danish Embassy. Religion we must remember is an opinion like any other and unlike race it is also a choice, therefore there can be no justification to prohibit criticsm of it. Once again the West has to win the battle of ideas not only with its enemies but with its own citizens; Labour, predictably is running the wrong way.
Eyes to the left

And^ Hallett
Listening to George Bush's State of the Union address last week, I was once again struck by how terrifyingly similar tyrants on all sides sound when addressing their acolytes. Apart from being an incredibly banal speech, as we have come to expect from such a poor orator as Bush, it reinforced the prescient idea that so many men (they are always men) prominent in world affairs seem to be living on a completely different planet to the rest of us. This applies equally to Muslim fundamentalists as it does to Christian ones, and both have more in common than they would ever admit.
Both Bush and his opposite number, Osama bin Laden, are multi-millionaires who use violence to achieve their ends whilst convincing large numbers of incredibly stupid people they are brave war leaders, religion often providing a backdrop to their murdering and mayhem. Apart from illustrating, once again, the inhumanity and intellectually mind-numbing ability of mass religion, it should convince people across the political spectrum that a desire for raw power, rather than any sophisticated type of ideology, is what drives these oppressive men. As to rumours regarding Freudian sexual frustrations driving their violence, I shall only remind readers that Bush hates any-
one but him having big, phallic missiles whilst bin Laden likes knocking down enormous towers that symbolise Western virility.
One can thus pick apart their speeches and pronouncements for the populist drivel that they are. Bin Laden talks frequently of Palestine, and how it grieves him to see his "Muslim brothers" suffering under Israeli occupation. I'm sure this is comforting to those unfortunates living in Jenin or Ramallah, that a blustering murderer who does little but causes other men's deaths feels their pain. In fact, bin Laden's actions, principally the mass murder of 3000 people in 2001, have made Palestinians' lives, if anything, even worse, as it has allowed the US to increase its support, in both arms and diplomacy, for Israel's violations of international law and become closer in a so-called "war on terror" (only the terror from the other side of course).
Similarly, when Bush proclaims the march of freedom in the world under his leadership, referring specifically to the disaster that is Iraq, remember how nice it must be in sit in cosy Washington whilst other men's sons and daughters (well over 2,000 currently) are killed whilst more young people become killers. Like bin Laden's connections to the Saudi royal family. Bush managed, through his father's influence, to escape going to Vietnam and instead defended the realm by serving in the crucial unit that is the Texas Air National Guard. These are men who, like computer nerds who never grew up, find war great fun as long as they are directing it using computers miles from the fighting.
Indeed, it is an enormous irony that Bush and bin Laden have been so successful in projecting an image of being Everyman. Bush in particular likes to play the cowboy, which of course fits in with his elite education at Phillips Academy and Yale, the latter of which he apparently only got into as it was the alma mater of both his grandfather and father. This is a man, like bin Laden, who has little in the way of positive qualities and yet has found financial and political success easy.
Indeed, the greatest prize of all fell in Bush's grasping hands not due to a popular mandate, but because daddy's friends on the unelected Supreme Court voted to stop ballot recounts that would have shown A1 Gore received more votes in Florida, and thus deserved the Presidency in the Electoral College as well as in plurality terms.
The only problem with this picture is that in the West, only bin Laden is treated as the murderous loser that he is. Bush is still, even as Iraq unravels, feted as a Great Man rather than a lazy war criminal. As long as Murdoch and the other components of the media elite benefit from Bush's rule, they shall continue to support him, fuelling the ignorance of most Americans that allows a loser like Bush to get anywhere near the White House in the first place. Whilst 2008 cannot come soon enough for anyone even remotely progressive, we still have around two years of Bush and possibly more with bin Laden. All I can suggest is using them as a motive for getting up in the morning. At the very least, their existence provides an incentive for every Lefty to do something instead of sinking into apathy like so many, as the religious and conservative will succeed all the more easily if, in the words of Voltaire, good men and women do nothing to stop them.
log 07/02/06
Newspapers across Europe are already reaping the backlash from the publication of the now infamous 'Prophet Muhammad' drawings. After the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten published cartoons of the Prophet, some which depicted him wearing a turban shaped like a bomb, saying he had run out of virgins to award suicide bombers, the result was flag burning, a bomb scare and death threats against the staff. Many European newspapers have since reprinted the drawings. While Muslims cry foul, the European press is digging in its heels.
Let us be clear. The issue is not whether it was a good idea to publish these pictures. This is about the freedom to express something - even something offensive - without fearing for your life. We have fought a long battle to safeguard certain political rights. No freedom comes for free, however, and usually implies that one must sacrifice something else. The more freedom of expression there is, the less protection can be afforded to those who may be offended by that expression.
Though Christians have resigned themselves to Jesus being ridiculed in the art world, other religious groups have not been as accepting. Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses earned him accolades from reviewers and a fatwa from Ayatollah Khomeini. The play Beshti was forced to close after angry crowds broke the windows of the theatre and threatened the staff. Theo van Gogh's film Submission, depicting a woman with verses from the Koran written on her naked body, brought him a brutal death from a Dutch Muslim.
This controversy comes at a crucial time for free speech in the UK. The proposed bill outlawing incitement to religious hatred was narrowly defeated. Writers and artists were concerned that satirizing religious practices could land them in jail. While some people may dislike the content, the fact remains that European media has made a career out of constantly pushing the boundaries.
Muslims in Europe have struggled to have their fundamental rights respected by their host countries. They must now recognize that those rights are not unidirectional - that they cannot ask for acceptance and at the same time not accept Europe for what it is.
After the 7/7 bombings, people were quick to argue that Islam does not advocate violence. Those same people must now reconcile the fact that armed gunmen in Palestine have threatened to kill anyone from countries whose newspapers have reprinted the offending images, and that they have done so in the name of 'protecting the Islamic faith.' Last Friday, the London protesters carried placards with slogans saying 'Behead those who insult Islam' and '7/7 is on the way.' Defenders of Islam now have the difficult task of proving their claims are not just political spin, hiding a darker reality.
The irony is that it is now fundamentalist Muslims who are seeking to impose their beliefs on Europe. The story of empire and colonialism was in many ways an attempt to force European values on the rest of the world. The reaction to such cultural chauvinism was, predictably, a radical rejection and revolt against the assumption that one set of cultural values were superior to another. We should expect no less now from a Europe who feels their core cultural values threatened by an increasingly intolerant version of Islam - one that seeks to force its values on countries that fought hard, and offended many people, for freedom of expression.
Joshua Hergesheimer, Features Editor
FEATURES:POLITICS
IBeaver 7 February 2006 109
Tibbit's test or Britain's best?
Marc Andrew ponders whether our identity is based on who we are or what we do - or whether it is always a work in progress.
Rarely has the question of European identity been so contentious. In an era of suddenly obvious heterogeneous populations, European societies are being forced to redefine themselved in a manner that is inclusive to all citizens. Salman Rushdie, in a December letter to the Times, appealed to the necessity of defining who Europeans are in a positive form: "No society," he argued, "no matter how tolerant, can expect to thrive if its citizens don't prize what their citizenship means — if, when asked what they stand for as Frenchmen, as Indians, as Britons, they cannot give clear replies."
What, then, is a Frenchman? Who is a Briton? In Europe, the answer has relied on history, on the national historical idea of the Western European state that is almost exclusively white and Christian. European peoples, in this view, are the descendants of a storied and unique national population, and therefore possess a distinct tie to the land. "Prance for the French!" goes the old nationalist cry, "Germany for the Germans!". Contrast this with North America, where the state was, in fact, constructed by immigrants. As Ronald Reagan once argued in his paternalistic tone: "You can't become a Frenchman by going to live in France, but every immigrant makes America more American."
This simplistic conception of a European national identity does not, however, hold up to close scrutiny. An extension of history to its grander scale reveals early Britain as a nation of Saxon and Scandinavian migrants. The arrival of successive groups of European refugees to the United Kingdom proved a source of almost as much creativity as they have to the United States. London's status as a mosaic of national cultures is not
new. Modern Indians and Bangladeshis and Jamaicans are but the recent inheritors of a long line of immigrant groups than enriched the city before them. On the continent much of the the same logic applies. The great Greek story-teller Aesop was born a slave of African descent. Napoleone Buonaparte is not the most francophone of names. Marie Curie was from Poland. The Moors controlled a large part of modern Spain for almost 800 years. For much of that period they were among Europe's more tolerant rulers.
The point here is in the importance of historical construction. Identity is anything but simple. The notion of who anyone "is" is open to interpre-tion upon re-interpretation. We are almost unnervingly multi-faceted: products of a family, a community, a city, a region, a state, a country, and a continent. At the same time, we are atheists or agnostics. Christians, Muslims or Jews, Zoroastrians or Bahai. The idea of a Muslim or a Catholic does not entail ethnicity. A Jew or a Sikh, on the other hand, is a matter of race as well as of belief. A hundred years ago, a Frenchman would quite clearly have been Christian. There is little point in the reminder that this no longer holds true today. Finally, there is the conception of any individual as the product of their own individual experience, constantly shifting and fluid and never easily categorized.
Despite its difficulties, however, identity is clearly important. There is a powerful need for a construction of who and what a citizen of a given state is. To flourish, state populations require some form of common bond; a mild and positive form of nationalism that provides legitimacy to public goods. There is some relief in complexity here, because it ensures that Europe is
not doomed to inevitable conflict between the more rooted occupants of its nations and their more recent arrivals. History matters, and a correct interpretation of European history reveals its status as continually changing place. Races, ethnicities, and religions have shifted back and forth over the centuries in a constant state of flux. In that, modern levels of migration, while perhaps unprecedented in volume, are not new.
The answer that is increasingly being turned to is the importance of a national creed, a "British Dream" (to use the American term) that can sustain the national bond among groups
of widely disparate orgins. Here lies the roots of Gordon Brown's recent call for a "Britain Day" and his desire to increase the visibility of the Union Jack. Britain, as a country built on immigration, will have an easier time than the rest of Europe in this. Not that France, the Netherlands, and the rest have a choice. The era of homogeneous populations is over. So is, for that matter, the confusion of multiculturalism for what Amartya Sen has labeled a plu-ral-monoculturalism. The answer to diverse populations is not the relativistic idea that "you have your ideas, I have mine, and we agree	to	disagree."
Multiculturalism should repre-
Multiculturalism should represent the sustained interplay of ideas, the mixing of religious
creeds and political beliefs in a sustained dialogue of what differs and what unites
sent instead the sustained interplay of ideas, the mixing of religious creeds and political beliefs in a sustained dialogue of what differs and what unites. That invitation to dialogue, that core freedom to discuss and debate, is what we as the West should stand for.
There remains, of course, the core question of what to do when a group of citizens within an open state explicitly reject the values that sustain that openness. The current firestorm over
images of Muhammad printed in a Danish newspaper (and by now, several others throughout Europe) is a case in point. Freedom of expression should not be confused with deliberate provocation, but heeding to calls for the banning of such images and the sacking of the editors who printed them are a line which cannot be crossed. Appealing to ideals of liberty is not worth much when they are abandoned at the first hint of controversy.
There is of course a key role for security forces in targeting those small minorities who seek to challenge those values, but this should be vigilantly guarded from spreading into the wider arenas of freedom that we stand for. The defeat of Blair's bill banning the incitement to religious hatred is a welcome development.
The fundamental ideas that can sustain a heterogeneous Europe are, therefore, political. The Enlightenment beliefs of tolerance, of justice and due trial and of freedom of expression and faith have sustained the West for two centuries and will continue to do so. They entail a welcoming of complexity, and they require their own defenders.
It is, ultimately, all too easy to sink into the pit of very simple forms of individuality as an answer to difficult questions. The idea of us versus them is the repository of small minds. Modem Europe was built on the fruits of a wide diversity. Overcoming fundamentalist ideas requires a sustained exposition of the compexity of what Europe is to counter the simplicity of what its opponents (both domestic and foreign) would have it be.
10 ^Beaver I 7 February 2006
FEATURESrPOLITICS
		
		


i
A cat's tale
Iqbal Chowdhury(3rd Year Economics & Economic History)

Discovering the essence of Islam is a process that different people go through in different ways. However, there is one little story involving the Prophet Muhammad that has always stuck in my mind, because at the time I remember thinking it was just so petty. Awakening from rest one afternoon with the call to prayer resounding outside, Muhammad discovered a cat sound asleep on the fringe of his cloak. Instead of waking the cat he started tearing around the area of his garment where the cat lay. Having cut his cloak he went about resuming his daily duties and left this cat in its slumber.
I now realize that in what was seemingly a trivial action, is entrenched a truly resonant message. For me this story is a micro-
cosm for our interactions in society at large. Little wonder that the English scholar David Margoliouth	(1858-1940)
described Muhammad as a man whose 'humanity extended itself to all creations'. For if we can maintain peace with all living things, surely this would help us become more tolerant of one another.
Perhaps the biggest lesson I have leamt in my time here at the LSE Islamic society is that merely treating Islam as an armchair theology will never do justice to it, and this is why there is much to learn from people of the stature of Muhammad, who took it upon themselves to treat it as a way of-life.
Islam
This week, a poll conducted on Houghton Street revealed that those who stated that they had more than ten Muslim fiiends had a favourable view of Islam.
In light of this, B;Features, with help from the LSESU Islamic Society, presents a few experiences of Muslims at the LSE, and invites you, with an open mind,? to discover Islam for yourself...



Unity through diversity
Woman in black
Quratul Ayn Zainul (1st Year Law)
Being here in London, at the LSE, is something I have always dreamed of. However I sometimes feel as though the dream is shattered by reality. Being away from everyone you love and away from everything you are familiar with is not as wonderful as you initially thought. The loneliness sometimes breaks you down but despite the bleakness, there are bright days, especially moments when I am in the prayer room. I find again that familiar sense of comfort, the similar unity in diversity. As Muslims, I feel like we are all sisters and brothers no matter where we have come from or what language we speak. And with this support, I go on.
Sania B Jahir (1st Year Law)
Covering oneself is not oppressing oneself, but feeling the need that you have to look a certain way to achieve something, act a certain way to accomplish your ambitions is oppressive. The hijab liberates a woman; it allows a woman to maintain her dignity and respect without being viewed as a sexual object. A woman can be seen as an individual with a unique personality who doesn't have to be a slave to the desires of others. As a Muslim woman, I feel the hijab helps me to maintain my Islamic identity and makes me feel honoured to be recognised as a Muslim woman in public life We all know beauty is only skin ^
deep, and if what's in the inside w h a t ' sj impor- I t a n t then I
ask, why is wearig a hijab labelled as oppressive? Why is it okay to reveal oneself, but not okay to cover oneself?

is,;!
Religion vs culture
Farhan Islam (3rd Year Government and Economics)
What frustrates me most as a Muslim living in the "West" is that there is virtually no recognition between the cultural and religious traditions that exist in the many majority Muslim nations across the world. Where the Saudis find it necessary to ban women from driving, the Pakistanis have democratically elected an Oxford educated woman prime Qinister twice (I'm still waiting for the first female US president). To make blanket tatements about Islam and Muslims as so many in the national and international press have done is to try to I characterize a billion people from all corners of the globe with varying worldviews and in many ways differing ideological roots.

1
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AROUND^i^CnY
Fashion
Nice clothes won't save you, if you got nothing to pull out of your pocket j

Architecture
- % We review two exhibitions and I contemplate pointless buildings
Music
Two legendary musicians Jack Rose and Ghris Gorsano will be playing in the Shaw Library


Travel
You got a better chance of getting laid in the Philippines than in Salt Lake city
Film
We take a close look at Stoned and Portable Stones

TODAY
imogen heap
scala
7:30PM
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goldfrapp brixton academy 7PM
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fantasy: brian griffiths, chad \ mccail and saskia ^ olde wolbers ^ tate britain ^4,	6.30PM
10/0272006
scratch perverts fabric
9:30PM
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simple plan
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silver piercing jewellery demonstration victoria & albert museum 2PM
astoria ¦
6:30PM I
fiery dragons and faithful dogs british museum 11am-4pm
EDITORIAL
Busy week. Alex did his first interview and apparently it went down pretty well. He's had to do graphics this week as well, so neither slept on Saturday night, while everyone else who in any way belongs to this newspaper was out partying. Sometimes, especially at 4am on a Sunday, we wish that one of you readers once walked in and shouted: 'Guys that was amazingl'When.we watch someone do what you are meant to do with PartB, i.e. pull it out, our hearts fill with joy.
Elsewhere in PartB we have another Fashion centrespread. This time it features various accessories for men and women. Our subeditor Ben Lamy put in a tremendous amount of effort, so be sure to congratulate him if you bump into him on campus. The Visual Arts section also uses this week's issue to focus on architecture. We would also like to mention that the names of two authors were accidentally omitted from last week's issue. Apologies to Nimesh Mistry and Nathan Capone.
7 February 2006
B
Drugs in the playground
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YOU THOUGHT THE STUDENT SCENE WAS BAD? WHEN SEVEN YEAR-OLDS START TAKING HEROIN, ONE WONDERS WHETHER KIDS ARE OUT PLAYING 'STUCK IN THE MUD' OR 'TAKING A DRAG'
'11
Year-Old Schoolgirl Collapses in Class' - Typical, whilst Bush pokes Iran like Tim Treadwell in Grizzly Man, The Express is twisting their knickers about primary school kids getting hot under the collar. Give me that paper. 'Girl, 11, Treated For Heroin Use' - I'm sorry, what?! Halle H. Salassie: the schoolgirl who was rushed to A&E with heroin intoxication and was at the centre of the biggest story to rock the media and the country since our beloved Wally (may his soul and fins rest in peace). And what's more, this is considerably more serious.
The most alarming news wasn't that she had been smoking a class A drug tor two months; it was her obliviousness to the fact that she was doing something out of the ordinary. The Year Seven pupil admitted to buying £10 bags of heroin from a supplier outside a Glasgow shopping centre. Presumably she needed them for a game of kiss-chasing the dragon.
Okay okay, this is really bloody serious, but how would you know it when police and politicians are busy stating the obvious in front of flashbulbs, instead of working out how they are going to tackle the problem? Alistair Ramsay, director of Scotland Against Drugs offered priceless advice: 'Parents should not overreact, but if they know their child well they will spot changes in the behaviour very quickly and this will help with and early identification of a problem.' Well Alistair, next time a preteen collapses with a cocaine overdose, we'll remember not to whip out the latest Penelope Leach and start mouthing off blame at the parents who failed to bake fairy cakes with little Kyla.
Last weekend's story sparked larger issues and the government will now have to
face up to the harsh realities of drug usage in the playground. At least until the stories dry up in a couple of weeks. The thing is, pre-teen drug abuse grabs public attention beacause it's such a visual eruption from the bubbling sea of deprivation that haunts a Britain where one in three children live in poverty. Such a story manages to pierce the wall of media silence on the plight of the less fortunate amongst us beacuse preteen drug use is painfully black and white. There is no 'recreational use,' no 'occasional line,' no 'it just
The elephant ate the penguin.
helps me relax' in the primary-coloured world of the children's playground. The handy excuses that help us look aside from the underground economy of drugs simply don't hold when an 11 year-old girl is taking heroin in school. But in a few days the media will have forgotten. It won't be mentioned on Question Time, the two page specials from Kelvinside will stop and the abuse will continue uncharted. So whilst it's still 'newsworthy' PartB's going to use this space to give you facts, not headlines.
The Scotsman revealed that 50 primary pupils (age 11 and under) are heroin addicts. Stewart Stevenson, the Scottish National Party's deputy justice spokesman, claimed that charities battling Scotland's rampant drug problem had told him they were dealing with dozens of children of a similar age taking heroin. He said the youngsters were more likely to smoke the drug, than inject it.
Of the 11-year-old girl, he said: 'Unfortunately, she's far from alone in that there are several dozen identified heroin addicts at primary school age in the Glasgow area. I understand there are probably as many as 50 primary school addicts in Glasgow. The Executive have spent practically nothing on training teachers in primary and early secondary to deal with this...I talk to a lot of people working with drug users and this is what I have been told.'
Last year, experts at the University of Glasgow found that children as young as ten have been experimenting with heroin and cocaine. The researchers found that children aged between 10 and 12 north of the Border were twice as likely to take drugs as their English counterparts.
Neil McKeganey of Glasgow University's centre for drug misuse research said he was
shocked to find that just under a third of children under 13 in Glasgow and Newcastle had been exposed to illegal drugs and 3.9% had tried them, 1.5% in the previous month.
After intei^fiewing 2,318 children aged 10-12 in the two cities, he estimated there were 60 pre-teen heroin users in Glasgow and 34 in Newcastle. The government-funded study found 30.7% of the children had been exposed to illegal drugs and 9.2% had been offered them.
Drug testing in schools is backed by Prime Minister Tony Blair, but there is currently no Government cash for testing. When there isn't the money to police kids, let alone alleviate the desperate poverty they find themselves in, you know there's a problem. Solving the problem is going to require more than chaining kids to radiators. And fortunately some people are talking sense.
The deputy justice minister, Hugh Henry, said: 'Everyone is shocked when they hear about such a young person's life being put at risk. This story gives further reinforcement, if any were needed, that we must keep up our broad approach to tackling drug abuse in society.'
Let's give the last word to Glasgow councillor Gaille McCan, who helped set up Mothers Against Drugs after 13 year-old Allan Harper died from a heroin overdose in 1998: 'This is the harsh reality of the drug problem today and it must not just become a seven-day story but instead act as a wake-up call to us all, particularly the policy-makers in their ivory towers.' Now go read about bread and circuses.
ismatabidl

Heel llapper By Anonjinous
You probably know I love you. It's probably not anything worthy of soul-destroying sonnet-writing or anything. It's Just that you probably get that feeling too when we're making small talk and both touching our hair that we both think that, y'know, it'd probably work.
But then I'm probably in love with most women I meet. I jtist think that, well, we'd probably make it work. With that girl it'd probably be croissants in bed and going to the Columbia Road flower market on a Sunday morning, and with her I'd wear brogues and we'd probably go for country walks.
The only problem is that I'm already in love with this someone, and there's probably nothing I can't do with you that I couldn't do with her. And there's a good chance that this one is the one who I will be with for a long time. We will probably have three kids. They will probably have her eyes. I will probably be pretty proud when I give the youngest away. We will be really happy.
So when we pass on Houghton Street and we're both five minutes late for lectures, and you don't see me (so I can stare at you unhindered as we're passing each other)l'm thinking that you really are pretty gorgeous, and that I'd probably have tickets to something and you probably might like to come along, and we probably would. And as the usual three months of our being together flash in front of me we'i'e two paces closer and then I hear the clack of your heels on the pavement, and somehow everything about you is summed up in those four swift, stilletto-ed steps. And suddenly 1 can see just how completely different my life would be with you, though it'd probably be just as good with her. My folks would probably stop get over the shock. It'd probably be a home counties wedding. You'd probably earn more than me. I'd probably make a grand gesture that makes you realise why you're with me when you're thinking of having an affair, And the whole thing, the next fifty years, they'd probably work. So will I? Probably not.
Send anonymom thanks, confessions or accusations -changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent- to thebeaver.art@lse.ac.uk with 'Hey Youi' as the subject line. Hey You! inspired by the OC Weekly of Santa Ana, California.


h-
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7 February 2006
i
Vi

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HE WAS BORN IN A POOR FAMILY AND OBTAINED A PhD IN MATHS AND PHYSICS. AFTER COMMUNISM COLLAPSED IN RUSSIA HE OWNED A CAR COMPANY, AN AIRLINE, A TV CHANNEL AND AN GIANT OIL EMPIRE. HE LEFT
THE COUNTRY TO AVOID POLITICAL PERSECUTION AND SOLD MOST OF HIS ASSETS TO ROMAN ABRAMOVICH. NOW IN EXILE HE TALKS ABOUT DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, AND RUSSIA'S FUTURE.



ON HIMSELF
I wasn't even sure how to address him. Boris Berezovsky, son of factoiy builder and a nurse, who has just celebrated his 60th anniversary with his family in London, formally changed his name to Platon Elenin - 'for security reasons.' Having won the court case against the Russian prosecution ser\'ice in Moscow and London, he is frustrated that Vladimir Putin's government still has not dropped his arrest warrant in Interpol. He smiles at the ironic situation: 'They would have to arrest and then release me according to the Geneva Convention [of Human Rights], as an asylum seeker.'
This unusual asylum seeker has an estimated fortune of $3bn; it was a surprise to see only one bodyguard around him. Both Russian and Western media have damaged his reputation, linking him to the mafia; nevertheless the Old Theatre was full half an hour before the lecture. After he settled his famous case against Forbes (in 'Godfather of Kremlin?' he was accused of his influence on the Russian government), his activities in the mid-nineties were legally justified.
As in the case of Khodorkovsky, public opinion in the East and West isn't based on the judge's verdict, but on the nationwide perception the person. Most Russian students attended the lecture told me that they thought he was 'a hero' and 'a great man'. Most Russians in Russia still think he stole their money. Berezovsky's financial genius and foresight are, without a doubt, extraordinaiy, is it the case that he has always adhered to the principles of freedom and democracy that he would so often mention to me?
ON RUSSIAN HISTORY
About twenty-five of them made a fortune in the early nineties, snapping up the key industries during the rapid privatisation conducted by Yegor Gaidar and Anatoly Chubais. Most of the assets after the 'loans-for-shares' program ended up in the hands of the few. Corruption scandals surrounded the privatisation - Chubais later admitted that the £20bn loan from the IMF was a swindle. I could see that Mr Berezovsky was tiying to brush off some of the blame and he didn't want it to be taken outside the political context.
He has his own views: "Privatisation is never fair, it can effective, less effective or more effective". He gives an example ofYukos, which has become several times more efficient after privatisation and, in fact, the government fax receipts increased as well.
At the time Boris Yeltsin's political index was very low and there was a chance of the Communist regime coming back. Support for Communists was explained by the absence of the middle class. Its creation takes generations, but the urgency of the Communist threat forced privatisation reforms to be implemented in the short period of time. Essentially, it succeeded and by the election of 1995 with privatisation out of the way, democracy won and Yeltsin was re-elected. "The huge capital literally ripped the Communists" throats with its teeth... Tanks won't help Yeltsin. Histoiy of Russia would be different. Communists would have won...everything would have finished. Putin is rebuilding the old Soviet regime. He is a very greedy man. Believe me if there weren't any capital, the rebuilding would have happened a lot faster".
1 have many facts that Putin is a government criminal

1 wouldn't say the word 'Berezovsky' over the phone to Russia
ON PUTIN AND DEMOCRACY
I thought to myself, as he was speaking, that I couldn't put the pieces of the jigsaw together. He admitted he lobbied Yeltsin at the second election, but I also knew that he lobbied Putin as the successor. Knowing so much about the latter, why has he not yet used compromising evidence?
"I have many facts that Putin is a government criminal. In particular, I am referring to those concerning the explosions of apartment buildings in Moscow. Today's Russian government will allow us to prove it. It wouldn't even let us prove it outside Russia. Western special forces know about the genocide in Chechnya, Putin's help to Iraq to the last moment, they know Russia is still helping Iran"
Incredible.
Regardless of the failure of Russia's own, Mr Berezovsky still believes in the democratic system. In his opinion, there is 'deep crisis' in the Western democracies, which is caused by the poor education of its rulers. He gives examples of the U.S., Italy and Russia. But 'democracy is a flexible system...it will push the new, young, clever politicians on the surface, who will be able to combat problems better than their predecessors"
Just two weeks ago Mr Berezovsky made a statement to a Moscow radio station that the only way to replace the 'unconstitutional regime' in Russia is 'forced seizure of power'. I asked him about it. "In Russia there is an active and intellectual minority that understands that the continuation of Putin's regime is the end for Russia. Russia is falling apart".
The Russian government has recently banned foreign financing of non-governmental organisations or more obviously of the ones that criticise it. That was effectively a
L
7 February 2006
move towards eradicating the opposition, which is trying to prove the illegitimacy of the current government. Putin, whose party controls the decision-making lower house (Duma), passed a law, which allowed him to install region governors without a local election. While the president showcases and abuses his power, the opposition is building up evidence against him.
Berezovsky asks the West to listen to Russian opposition leaders: "once they are accepted, their flexibility will allow them to restore the constitution". He tells me he helps them (he wouldn't admit financing, though), but when I ask him which ones (I had several in mind), he smiles:: "they are under too much pressure already"
I wouldn't mention the word 'Berezovsky" over the phone to Russia to avoid my friends getting unnecessary visits from the FSB (the new KGB).
ON RACISM AND ANTISEMITISM
Over a year ago a nationalist party has collected 15,000 signatures, which called for the ban of all Jewish organisations in Russia. At the same time demonstrators gathered in St-Petersburg to force the local governments to do something about
crimes directed at African and Asian students. Both cases indicated the increased racial tensions in Russia and inability or unwillingness of the government to do anything about it.
Mr Berezovsky thinks that the feeling of xenophobia is no less present in the Western countries, however he believes that there is rising hatred against all non-Russians. "Anti-Semitism exists on a government level, but it is very well concealed, during the Soviet times it was open".
ON THE FUTURE
In December I read a recent interview in the liberal Kommersant newspaper, where Putin was interviewed by a prominent journalist and asked if the media were going to get more freedom. Putin said that the media would never be as free as it was in 1996 after Yeltsin's re-election. I ask Mr Berezovsky to comment.
"My forecast is that there will be no Putin and the media will be free"
"Who will be after Putin?" - I want him to give me a definite answer. He hesitates, sips white wine, looks at me and smiles again:
"You know, a year ago I would have given you a definite answer. I wouldn't have told you who, but precisely which elite would present its presidential candidate. Today I will tell you
more indefinitely, but I will tell you what I think - it will be a member of these elites which didn't accept Putin's regime"
You don't even need to guess who he means. "What are you most afraid of?" "My mother"
I would think he is afraid for her
alexfeytelboym
What are you most afraid of?
My mother
OUGARCH
Mikhail Khodorkovsky
Age: 43
Interests: oil. banks, politics Worth: £5.8bn (before arrest)
Roman Abramovich
Age: 40
Interests: oil, aluminium, football, politics Worth: £5.5bn
Mikhail Frldman
Age: 42
Interests: Oil, banks Worth: £2.8bn
Vladimir Gusinsky
Age: 54
Interests: Media Worth: £1.8bn
Boris Berezovsky
Age: 60
Interests: cars, media, oil Worth: £1.8bn
Viktor Vekselberg
Age: 49
Interests: oil, aluminium, art, politics Worth: £1.5bn
Vladimir Bogdanov
Age: 55
Interests: oil, gas Worth: £1.4bn
Olcg Deripaska
Age: 38
Interests: aluminium, cars, insurance Worth: £l.lbn
Vladimir Potanin
Age: 45
Interests: metals, media, banks, politics Worth: £lbn
Vagit Alekperov
Age: 56
Interests: oil, gas Worth: £lbn
QUICK
Favourite industrj-: oil
Youngest; Abramovich
Under scrutiny: Berezovsky, Khodorkovsky, Gusinsky
In favour: Abramovich, Vekselberg
Where to find them: Swiss ski resorts, Nice, on yachts in the Mediterranean, bulletproof cars, outside of Russia, prison
0 6	7 February 2006
Item: Paul Smith Digital Music Player Cover Price: £46 Editorial Analysis: With the iPod boom on a seemingly endless upward spiral, the most fashionable brands have invested time and effort into producing MP3 covers. The trademark stripes should catch eveiybody's attention as you put on that new Arctic Monkeys track.
Item: Alessandro Dell'Acqua 25ml Eau i
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Price: £25 Editorial Analysis:
You will not have an entire I'oom lusting after you.
as this is more of a ~ " day scent. Nonetheless, this eau de toilette is perfect for keeping the girl you love wrapped around your shoulders all day long.
NO MATTER H( MIGHT BE, IF Y YOUR POCKET ALL RESPECT V DOW. HERE IS THAT WILL SER^
Item: Rayban Aviatoi's Price: £72
Editorial Analysis: The must-have sunglasses of last summer and indeed eveiy summer prior, they are so cool that you should keep wearing them throughout the winter. Just keep the lenses safe in a case; if you scratch them you'll be moiu'ning for
Item: Sharp 903 3G Price: £420 Editorial analysis:
Less expensive if you are renewing your contract, this is the most stylish of the multifaceted 3G phones. It features a rotating head, a 3.2 megapixel camera and another internal camera with video , recording capability Play your favourite MP3 tunes, talk using the video phone function or just whip it out at an appi'o-priate moment for maxi-^	mum effect.
Ill ill
ACCESSORIES FOR
Item: Nixon Rotol Price: £200 Editorial Analysis
Custom solid stair with real walnut v inlay and but1 closure. Nixoi in Encinito, C started makir es seven yean make the littl better,' their v proudly states doesn't get mi ter than this.
7 February 2006
B]
DW HOT YOUR OUTFIT OU PULL A BRICK OUJ OF AT YOUR NEXT SOIREE niL GO OUT THE WIN-A LIST OF ACCESSORIES /E YOU WELL
i Item: Alexander McQueen Kingdom Price: £25-35
Editorial analysis: Set your gaze beyond the dodgy looking case. Described as a spicy, fruity and floral scent, Kingdom by Alexander McQueen is for exhibitionists who want to stand out from the rest whilst spending the remainder of their pocket money on the high street.
Item: Dior Sparkling Sunglasses Price: £150
Editorial Analysis: Dior are known for the glamorous style, quality and elegance of their frames. The Sparkling range is no exception, and will help you look fabulous in any situation.
Item: easyWatch Irnperia Sky Price: £3.45
Editorial Analysis; e^asyWatch is the latest addition to the easyGroup that offers affordable, functional and arguably stylish watches. At £3.45, you cannot go wrong with one of these.
Available exclusively online at , i;
easy Watch.cbm'
'
store in Covent Garden.
Item: Paul Frank Elvis Wallet Price: £24.99 Editorial Analysis: The
actual human being Paul Frank started out making wallets for his V friends. He'd make them out of vinyl and come up with witty characters and phrases. Years later, Paul Frank Industries wallets are still some of . | 'i^the coolest accessories around. If you haven't • already, visit the Paul Rrank
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Item: Pink Motorola ^RAZR V3 Price:.£168.95 Editorial Analysis: The
Pink Motorola Razor proves that you can indeed judge a book by its cover. It is the fesentia^	any
LSE fashiomsta.
YS AND
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7 February 2006
Bufld Me Up
Compendium
Where?
When?
Price?
RIBA Gallery Until 10 Feb. Free
The Royal Institute of British Architects (RIBA) is hosting the Compendium, an exhibition by the Department of Architecture, University of Cambridge. This exhibition is an attempt by the department, which recently overcame a threat of closure, to establish The Architecture Design Teaching Endowment, which will enable the department to function independently of government funding and secure the future of the Architecture Department.
The exhibition showcases the achievements of the department over the years, since its foundation in 1912 to contemporary times, and displays the talent that the department has produced. The contributions range from current students to alumni and faculty members and those who are 'building and thinking architec-ture,"Thinking architecture' is the central focus of the department as it is a research based institute. This itself is the reason why it is threatened, as it is not within the practical domain. The exhibition challenges this limited notion of practicality that divorces research from practical application.
Having got an opportunity to interview Professor Marcial Echenique, Head of the Department of Architecture this became clear, 'By building a research Endowment, we aim to ensure that are design teaching provision for undergraduates and graduate studtots remains the best in the UK and continues to develop.' He further explained that the closing of the department was proposed after the Research Assessment Exercise (RAE) as the department did not come out on the top. However, this ignored the fact that the department ranks number one in teaching and had the highest number of applicants per place in the UK and Cambridge itself. It therefore became the question of the survival of an art studied rather than practiced.
The focus of the department is in research on cities, urban designs, buildings and sustainability both economically and socially. Presenting over 3,000 names of those who have studied and taught at Cambridge, the work exhibited delves into the process of construction, housing policy and surveys of public environment. It includes damage to risk management, including aerial photographs and
imagery. The designs have an almost haunting quality as they show structures, complete and in the process of construction, inhabited by shadowy figures representing anticipated human presence in the future. This kind of 'peopled art' adds a humane quality to the design, one that considers the concrete and material with human inhabitation, the desired end of the process of construction.
The exhibits are divided under Cities, Environmental Designs, Risk and Conflict Disaster and Representation. My personal favourite was the design based on James Joyce's Dublin by Peter Carl. Joyce's Dublin is portrayed as a semi-function that strives for both anonymity and coherence. It is a vision of human life that includes the practical, mundane, concrete reality with hopes of progress, improvement and betterment in times to come. Nicholas Bullock's vision of building the post-war world is a reconstruction of Europe after devastation. It is the modem architecture, and the reconstruction of France especially, that saw a rapid increase in housing projects after World War two from 1950-1970.
Under the title of 'Cities of Innovation' is the St. Paul's Cathedral built along the Thames, where art, technology and the social merge as designed by Professor Andrew Saint. The exhibition showcases visional designs of modern humane cities including 'Adam's House in Paradise.' It includes people and spaces as collected fictions to lead the way for better researched practical and innovative desi^.
The exhibition includes Tim Ronald's Architects reconstruction of the Hackney Empire Theatre from 1997-2004, reconstructed to house a variety of cultural events from theatre, poetry recitals, operas, interviews and others. Also present are Books written by past and present scholars at the Cambridge Architecture Department.
The exhibition therefore is rightly a Compendium of the achievements and talent produced by the Department of Architecture, University of Cambridge, and a hope that it will continue to do the same in the future: a future that needs to be secured against the threat of financial collapse in the age old tussle between the practical and the theoretical. In the material world of architecture, it is usually the practical that wins out but the department hopes that this time it will be different.
anjnimakapoor
Pascal Schoening: Cinematic Achitecture
Where?
When?
Price?
A.A.Gallery Until 18 Feb. Free
Wandering the circumference of Bedford Square in search of the gallery, a seemingly pointless and frustrating mission, actually proved to resonate with the mood and theme of the exhibition. When I finally happened upon no. 36, it led into a darkened room, centred on four opaque glass walls forming a 'room', lit with diffused lights and projectors, obscuring what was the real 'content' of the exhibition: four small DVD players behind the rectangle, with nestling space provided by wicker chairs, tables, and bound books of acetate, images, ideas and words. The central concept is 'the production of images by cinema is the epitome of the physical construction of space by architecture.' Or, as one of the boolcs quoted Kenneth Clark; 'with the exception of love, perhaps there is nothing else by which people of all kinds are more united in their pleasure in a good view'.
The artists' approaches are diverse in their scope, mood and even subject matter. The first was as abstruse and conceptual as Joseph Beuys fiddling with a David Lynch script; in a low, ominous voice, it went through the history of a mysteriously disappearing breakwater and a town's relationship to it. Intersected with blank screens on which Jean Baudrilliard quotes were scrawled; 'seduction is not found in the appearances...what seduces is the pause which is trigged by the uncomprehensible uselessness.' Provocatively random images and lines, seemingly stolen from an unexplained narrative ('he comes here every day to smoke. I don't know why') are stylish in a French, Gauloise-smoking, heavy-browed way, but I found the other videos more engaging and informative.
After two more came my favourite film; Clara Kraft's 'Living in a Suitcase'; this work most effectively transmitted the sense of 'place' and how one's person and being are actually constituted by space to either 'place' or things. Through the narrative of a girl who never had a home in her childhood, spliced with images of a multitude of unfamiliar hotel rooms, bathrooms, foreign plates, and constant journeying, Kraft questions how one's; comfort is derived from familiarity and a concrete place in which to belong. A state of 'floating' is induced by constant mobility; she then demonstrate how a suitcase is 'the most basic form of housing'; a quaint series of stills show a forlorn suitcase, as if on an unaccompanied
journey through taxis, airports, check-in desks, unknown hotel beds, and focuses on how the contents of a suitcase serve as a substitute to 'home'. If one loses the contents of a suitcase one is even more ijost in a foreign place, with nothing in the landscape to grip onto. The scope of the film then widens out, drilling pictures of immigrants, trains stuffed with people, refugees, jet-setters, pilgrims, exiles; her voiceover discusses how the onset of capitalism has forced mass exoduses of job-seekers into cities that fail to accommodate them. As someone who clings to a suitcase as a snail does to his shell, she sadly talks of how the suitcases (meaning travelling people) are driven out and pulled back into the city; a cityscape at night has its lights jerkily turned on, off, on, off in sequence to the words.
Another reason for this film being my favourite was its sense of humour; its treatment of the 'suitcase' as having a personality, and then the 'case studies' of people with suitcase requirements. It introduced 'Ms. P' (Maiy Poppihs) with a clip of the famous bottomless handbag scene, hilarious sound-tracked with 90s dance music, and a Groucho Maix film involving bags. The Link with architecture ; is her concept of an extendable and portable house which unfolds, rooms within rooms, encased within an envelope-like structure. It can be placed anywhere to familiarise the; unknown, and stretch out to any dimensioiis you wish for, I felt this 'solution' to the problem of displacement was quirky, more engaging and less abstract than the remainder of the films.
My one gripe with the presentation of the exhibition was that the films were not ; exploited for their unmersive qualities; the screens are miniature, and a projector and i separate walls would have been a far more exciting experience involving the actual space. However, all the while these videos are playing on the ^all DVD players; more people enter and wander around inside the rectangular glass structure. They form faint, then strongly defined, silhouettes through the changing lighting, as the projector's clouds float silently across. In this room, wood chips covering the floor, dim lighting, and solipsistic headphones clamped on, they seem like the hired characters of some bizarre film you are taking part in; then you realise they are just visitors like yourself. Yet maybe this is a comment on how the context of what space you are in makes you a com-plicit participator; and can warp your perception of where and what you are.
sophieknight
let's buiici hing^ t'
Psychogeography. Psychogeography? Depending on the strength of your positivistic bent, a term that can refer to either the softest pseudo-science ever to have been graced with an academic moniker, or a dissolute post-modern intellectual endeavour, unstructured and a bit exciting.
In 2004 Joseph Hart wrote that 'Psychogeography' was 'a slightly stuffy term that's been applied to a whole toy box, full of playful inventive strategies for exploring cities.
Psychogeography includes just about anything that takes pedestrians off their predictable paths and jolts them into a new awareness of the urban landscape'.
The practice is derived from Situationism, a brief but resonant artistic and political movement of the 1960s most noted for its constant factionalising (whilst never entertaining explicit doctrine, Situationist principles almost demanded that groups splintered upon forming) and its talismanic theorist Guy Debord. However exactly where it came from and in what form it exists currently is difficult to say; Psychogeography does not have easily traceable forms or roots.
There is clearly a political dimension. Various factions claim to be, or accuse each other of being; proletarian, instrumental, reactionary, or revolutionary. Manchester Area Psychogepographic, who formed in response to the redevelopment of the 'so-called' Northern Quarter of Manchester cried 'No to gentrification. No to museumification'.
Less forcefully Psychoegraphic organisations carry out 'derives' (literally; drifting) which involve playful-constructive behaviour (I'd build a gig venue on top of that church) and concerted awareness of psychogeographic effects (that multi-storey multi-plex mall uses negative space to mess with my soul).
Public record of the movement takes the form of pamphlets and poorly tended websites, often abstruse, obscurely polemical and framed in a peculiar coyness. The London Psychographical Association (LPA) is in fact a fictional 'association' created by absurdists, presumably as a vehicle for ideas and jokes. If we are looking for a historiography of the fabrication, an entry in wikipedia refers to a 'fictional and non-intemally consistent history of the group which accreted over time'. Wherever this might be and whatever this might mean is frankly anyone's guess. In finality, what Psychogeographer's seem to be
point
saying about themselves is that they are discreet, non-fixable, often working in small and loose associations and most importantly of all, unusually and studiously aware of their built surroundings and the way in which we relate to, and interact with them.
I start out from the doors of Great Dover Street. Not the best of starts, as behind me is a building that lands somewhere in architectonic terms between a vast mental institution and something Bentham designed on an off-day. But no matter, I walk down the wonderfully-named yet bleak-as-fuck-look-ing Spurgeon street.
There is something about Southwark that dulls the mind and the senses. It is London's implacable dullard. In the Greater-London party it is the one ih the corner, grotesquely lacking in character, pallid and antisocial, asking for a doggy bag in which to take home everyone's drugs.
On toward New Kent Road and down some streets of such startling blank-ness that one would be hard pressed to remember a single building immediately after walking down one. Saw a dog looking cowed, reflected that although is conceivable to see a cow looking dogged, I have never seen one. I took this as connected and moved on.
The Elephant and Castle, with its forthright anonymity and casual disregard for the pedestrian. To walk through Elephant is an experience of almost total neglect, this hulking obelisk with its beady awnings is nothing but a concrete hymn to traffic flow and mugging. At this point I thought it conceivable, that with some of the longer-necked breeds, one could see a dog ducking. If one could ever, in this world, see a duck dogging, that would probably be quite good. I moved on toward the south bank.
The posterchild of brutalism, modernism at its most dystopian. It doesn't actually stink of piss but it looks like it should. I traverse angular expanses of crude slabbery, concrete and pebbledash palisades crowd me in. It is a relief to get out into the open spread of the Thames, to our pet placid slug, opaque and turgid. I can see a lot of sky. Across to Lancaster Gate to receive a slap in the face from a dull neo-classical take on bureaucracy, sending me reeling into the exasperating red-bricked fuss of the faux 18th-centuiy-dutch affair crowning Pret a Manger and Cafe Nero. Wincing I stumbled in to LSE where my journey ended, but perhaps with new psychogeographic eyes, yours might begin.
danielyates
Us.
7 February 2006
B
The Shaw Library welcomes legendary guitarist Jack Rose and expert drumnner Chris Corsano this week, and seeing the show won't even cost you a penny
Who? Jack Rose, Chris Corsano When? 10 Febmrary at Ipm Where? Shaw Library How much? Free
The first time Jack Rose's music came to my attention was after a particularly memorable Peel session a couple of years ago. John Peel was in typically sardonic form, playing some incredibly fast grindcore records, obscure German techno and boisterous indie pop. Something, though, was different about this show. After the first session track from Rose, 'Sun Dogs', scattered its twelve-stringed avant-folk into the airwaves. Peel audibly exhaled, said, "this one's allowed back", and silence ensued for another few seconds (silence is an unused necessity on Radio One these days). Something about the way Jack Rose picks or strums or smacks or glides or touches or doesn't touch his instrument makes for some of the best solo guitar work happening in the world right now. Born out of a modem folk tradition spearheaded by
John Fahey and Robbie Basho, Rose truly is taking things forward. 'Sun Dogs' is indicative of Rose's playing, influences fly from all over - his lap-guitar morphs into a sitar, a jews harp, a banjo, a Stratocaster and much more besides with a consistent quality of touch that earmarks it as Jack Rose's very own. Peel's silence wasn't a pretentious moment of deification for Jack Rose the technically gifted musician, it was a moment of true appreciation. In the middle of a programme that prided itself on being leftfield and on promoting genuine innovation or plain honesty of sentiment. Rose still had the power to flummox. The next track Rose played was a straight-forward ragtime piece that was faster, giddier and downright bluesier than anything I've heard recorded since the 30's. This is music at it's best - no strict narrative voice but a point in the right direction. Take my advice and follow this man's finger.
jamiestevens
SINGLES
S;iMr,IFr>FTHFWFt=K_
The Early Years - 'All Ones And Zeros'
Gray's Inn Road is not far from where you picked up this paper. Walk north, turn right at High Holborn, and then a little further on. In less than ten minutes you'll arrive at, or more accurately, over The Contino Rooms. This is the underground lair/super studio where Tim Holmes, one half of Death in Vegas, helped brew up this dark concoction of dirty guitars, whispered vocals and the sort of bass and drums that possess your mind and leave you yearning for another hit. A driving debut that suggests The Early Years have enough about them to take the ambient melodies and garage drone somewhere very interesting indeed.
ALBUAAS


The Go! Team - 'Ladyflash'
Another super-feelgood track from The Go! Team contains the best of their bizarre sonic mix found on debut album Thunder, Lightning, Strike. So by throwing in almost everything but the kitchen sink 'Ladyflash' treats you to exuberant funky beats, sassy playground hip-hop courtesy of female MC Ninja, samples of something that sounds an awful lot like Donna Summer and two drummers beating the hell out their kits. Four minutes of sheer enjoyment.

Be Your Own Pet
Problem)
Let's Get Sandy (Big
Clocking in at barely 59 seconds, Tennessee's Be Your Own Pet's latest single could possibly be the shortest ever released. But what a 59 seconds it is, a tornado of psychotic, ultraviolent guitar punk with singer Jemima Pearl coming across like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' Karen O. on a large consignment of speed. Could have been an appropriate soundtrack to the recent wanton destruction of a certain university's campus...
nathancapone
The Herbaliser
Fabriclive26_
Fabric Records
Jake Wlienj' and OIlie Teeba are The Herbaliser. They have been making sick beats together for over a decade, and you've probably heard their hip hop production whOe listajing to Guy Ritchie's Snatch soxmdtrack or playing 'Tony Hawk's Undei'ground' on Playstation.
Given their talent on the turntables and unique blend of jazzy and fimky hip hop, their contribution to the J^briclive CD Series seems perfectly natm-al. And in the spirit of going clubbing at
Gig of the Week
Who? The Paddingtons When? 12 Februrary 2006 Where? Camden Koko How much? £ii.6o
Hull's finest begin their new tour in the capital on Sunday and it promises to be a gig worth the twelve pound entry fee. Far from being simply mates of a certain Pete Doherty and Hedi Slimane's new Dior poster boys. The Paddingtons' debut album First Comes First was a ferocious assault of hyper-charged, snotty-nosed pop punk that blasted out classic English underclass filth and fury from the barrel of a shotgun. With Doherty behind bars (again) The Paddingtons'	gritty
Whitechapel rock has a good chance of stealing his crown. It demands to be seen live, preferably drunk, so take a pint of gin with you and enjoy.
nathancapone
live Review

fabric, this upbeat mix CD is certainly danceable. Stick it in yom-computer and piss off the hall residents below you if you can't make the trek to F^rringdon.
The Herbaliser scratch theii-I'ecords more than haiiy old men scratch their hairy old backs. But this disc is even more notable for its diverse track selection. Mixing tunes by RJD2, Breakestra and DJ Format with classic James Brown and Jackson 5, The Herbaliser blend one strong cocktail of old school funk, experimental hip hop and everything in between.
This is tixily one of the more memorable I^bri'clive releases, so definitely check it out. Five stars for two hip hop superetars.
jannimakan
Who? The Books When? 30 January 2006 Where? Arts Centre, Norwich
I When The Books announced their first ever UK tour I was rather excited. Unfortunately for me the London date sold out almost instantly, so I was forced to travel to Norwich in order to see them in the flesh.
Support came in the from of neo-classical minstrels Clogs. The members of Clogs combined bassoon, violin, viola, steel drum, glockenspiel and mandolin to create strikingly modern classical music. The compositions played owed a lot to the Chicago post rock scene's tendency to repeat melodies for long sections of songs. The most interesting feature of their sound was the melodious use of the bassoon to mimic the strings.
After a brief interval, Nick Zammuto and Paul De Jong take the stage with their guitar and cello respectively. On record. The Books' sound relies heavily on electronic cut up and arranging techniques, so it was interesting to see how they would re-cre-ate such a unique sound live. The beats and vocal samples were pre-recorded, with cello and guitar played live.
The Books' multitude of bizarre vocal samples somewhat hinted at their wry sense of humour, which was confirmed by their use of hilarious archive footage that accompanied every song. The combination of gorgeous music and interesting video led to an amazing concert, even worth braving Norwich for.
sannashton
o
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7 February 2006
Panglao and Boracay, Philippines
Essential Information
Diving? Better than Guam, not as good as Fiji.
Transport? Comfier than India, but not Malaysia.
Prices? Pricier than Thailand, cheaper than Korea.
Chances of getting laid? Better than Salt Lake City, not as good as Newcastle.
fiNTHE SECOND
Pre-empting my hangover with a couple of judicious Bloody Marys, I flew from Manila to Tagbilaran, on Bohol and took a motorbike taxi to Panglao Island, which has a nice 2km beach, a couple of dozen places to stay (from 5-star resorts to simple nipa huts), excellent diving and pretty good snorkelling. Many resorts, including mine, the 'Alonaland' are run by ex-pat Swiss Germans with local teenage wives, which is not so bad in itself, but half of the tourists are also from that demographic, so the 'vibe' on the beach is not quite Ko Phan Gan. More like a miniature Pattaya. For divers, there are some excellent drop offs, and if you're lucky you can see sharks. For snorkellers the coral is fairly ordinary, although I did see a 'Finding Nemo' clown fish which followed / led me for over an hour in the open sea.
Bohol itself is famous for the Chocolate Hills, a bizarre and photogenic collection of near-identical lumps made entirely of chocolate. Or earth, possibly. From Panglao I rented a dirt bike, two days for £20, and went up to see them. 'The Hills', as we Pros call them, are a two to three hour bike ride from the beach, passing through a number of small villages on the way. Architecturally, there is nothing much in the Philippines to bother Mr Kodak with, except the old Spanish churches, which are actually very picturesque, if you like that kind of thing. The joy of visiting these places is meeting the people; the Filipinos are proud of their friendly reputation, and with good reason. Local people everywhere went out of their
way to help me with directions or advice, always with a smile and all in English!
After taking a couple of hundred identical photos of the hills and getting drunk with a German Brew Master and a TEFL teacher, I headed back to Tagbilaran for the bastard bus / ferry / taxi / flight journey to the magical beach at Boracay.
Boracay is a perennial top 10 'Most Beautiful Beach' in publications such as 'Conde-Nast Traveller' and 'Rich Wastrel Quarterly', but it has been overdeveloped and is somewhat overrated. The beach is indeed beautiful, but rather narrow, and the coast is packed with outriggers from the many dive shops, fishing boats and water taxis. Europeans will sadly recognise the 'English Breakfast' signs and German Sausage bars with Bayem Munich football shirts, from places like Majorca and Corfu. Yes, the Eurotrash are spreading their wings!
There are some superb beach bars such as 'the Summer Place', 'Bom Bom bar' and 'Cocomangas' where you can stay out all night listening to live music, drinking heavy Tanduay rum and cokes, dancing and getting acquainted with (for example) Swiss-Vietnamese girls called Alexandra who necessitate a trip to the doctors three weeks later.
For those who are a little nervous about flying, beware. The little planes that drop you off at islands like Borocay only hold about twelve people and are not large enough to host a decent tantrum, let alone a proper baying-in-the-aisles panic attack.
On the upside, you're close enough to the pilot to smell his breath and there are fewer more beautiful stretches of ocean to be downed in than the swathes of cobalt separating Panay, Negros and Cebu.
My flight was thankfully uneventful, but there was more fun yet to be crammed into my little trip. I am speaking, of course, of the cockfight. Unfortunately, that tale will have to wait for Part 3. Watch this space.
sebastianvansaar
I I I I I I I I I
part of a phiup-pines trilogy,
OUK WRITER TAKES
ON the daunting
task of checking out the best
beach
islands have to offer
Reel People Making Real Music
Win free tickets to a Reel People gig on 19 February at The Jazz Cote by answering the question below
who? Reel People When? 19 February at 9pm Where? The Jazz Cafe How Much? £12.50
The kind people at PhutureTraxx have once again given me a plethora of free tickets, as well as albums for runner-ups. This time, it honestly does look like a fantastic gig, so if you do not enter then I will keep the tickets for myself! Here is the usual promotional material:
'Reel People re-write the musical rulebook combining the finest traditions of 70s soul and boogie with modern brokenbeat and house elements. Reel People are a unique phenomenon in the current musical landscape. Forget everything you thought you knew about dance music. Forget everything you've been told about UK-produced soul. Forget your doubts that an act from the cool London underground could ever crossover into mainstream acceptance; Reel People are here, and with debut album Second Guess they're about to rewrite the rulebook.'
Their gig will take place at The Jazz Cafe in Camden, a London music venue which has played host to just about every significant and upstart contemporary and old school jazz act worth their salt. Performers in the coming months include Incognito, Richie Havens, Kid Creole, Nate James and Average White Band. In the same family as G-A-Y and the Astoria, the venue has a fine pedigree in terms of live music.
To enter the competition and have a chance to win the tickets or albums, just send your answer to the question below to the-beaverart@lse.ac.uk!
garethrees
With which festival is the Mean Fiddler company associated?
A)	Reading
B)	Burning Man
C)	Give it a Name


7 February 2006
n
Bl
Stoned
Bioghraphy/Drama/Music
Directed: Stephen Wholley Starring: Leo Gregory
Brian Jones was the archetypal rock eccentric. Flamboyantly dressed, capable of playing any instrument he laid his hands on and founder member of the band that personify sex, drugs and rock'n'roll: The Rolling Stones. In the middle 1960s he had the world at his feet. Then he was unceremoniously kicked out of the band shortly before turning up dead in his own swimming pool at age 27. He is still disliked to such an extent by the Stones that Keith Richards recently called him 'an asshole. I wouldn't want to bring him back.'
In Stoned, we see the days leading up to Jones' death in mysterious circumstances at his Sussex retreat, Cotchford Farm, although the non-linear format of the film means that the story is told in flashbacks: to high times with the Stones, trips to Morocco and even back as far as his school days. Cotchford Farm was once called home by AA Milne, creator of Winnie the Pooh, which makes for a bizarre juxtaposition of lifestyles: it's hard to imagine Christopher Robin rolling joints whilst surrounded by groupies, but Jones' lifestyle must have seemed just as removed from their own lives as from honey pots in the Hundred Acre Wood to the builders who were brought in by the Stones' management to carry out renovations. Chief amongst the builders was Frank Thorogood, who provides the films counterpoint as the ordinary bloke intoxicated by Jones' house, drugs and glamorous girlfriends. As these two are drawn together in the confined space of the remote house, Thorogood becomes more and more caught up in Jones' world, which merely exaggerates the extent to which he can never be at home there. Jones repeatedly humili-

PROMOTION
Obtain free tickets to see Casanova starring Heath Ledger and Sienna Miller by picking up a winning scratchcard from the SU Shop and then exchanging it for two Casanova masks, which will get you free entry into a preview screening on 9 February!
ates him, often in front of girls he knows Fi-ank lusts after Meanwhile Jones sinks into his own depression, missing recording sessions and pining for former flame Anita Pallenberg, who has deserted him for Keith.
Paddy Considine is excellent as Thorogood, hitting the right mix of contempt and envy that the builder, who reputedly confessed on his deathbed to the killing of Jones, clearly felt for the musician. Meanwhile Leo Gregory captures the arrogance which alienated Jones - in short, he's an asshole. The performer who shines brightest though is David Morrissey, who will hit the big time later this year in the sequel to Basic Instinct. He steals his scenes as Tom Keylock, the manager trying to keep both Jones and Thorogood at their respective, if wildly contrasting, jobs. Stephen Wooley will be proud of his work too. Directing for the first time, Steve must have felt like one of the dangerous lunatics who wandered the narrow streets of Amsterdam on the eve of the New Year, trailing blazing streams of firecrackers: it's unpredictable, it's probably illegal and it could very easily blow up in your own face, but by Christ, you can't take your eyes off it.
kevinperry
PORTABLE STONES
For all lovers of contem porary art or film that redefines the use of multiple forms through the use of language, art, literature and photography, a treat is at hand with the UK premier of Irish artist Orla Barry's latest video Portable Stones at the Camden Arts Centre. This 63 minute film flows like a poetic narrative without a linear story line. It explores themes of loneliness, solitude, escape and survival by tracing the trajectory of a young girl who escapes from the city to camp in an abandoned graveyard. Her narrative parallel's that of a man in self-exile on an island. The reasons for their supposed escape are not explored; instead Barry focuses on their mental state through the use of voiceovers that flow like a stream of consciousness narrative and probes psychic responses to the environment rather than physical discomforts or hardship that exile entails, even if self-perpetuated.
It is a form of 'voiced art' that Barry is known for, as her work is about language and its many forms: thought, spoken and written. Language is deployed to investigate mental landscapes of people caught in a daily drudgery who therefore escape to embrace alternative lifestyles. However as the young girl chooses to camp
Art Film
Directed: Orla Barry
in a graveyard within the city, the cltyscape looms in the background annulling the possibility of permanent escape and highlighting the graveyard space as a temporary removal to the margins to search for the self. The exile is almost a preparation on an order to re-enter the world without the desire to.
Barry also mixes art forms and uses drawing, photography, sound and action that flow into one another and are not circumscribed within any one boundary, instead chooses to mix them to maximise emotive and intellectual engagement. The use of portraiture and the short story form helps her encapsulate dense themes in a short time space, and yet time in the film is stretched and recorded through the sea in the background that captures the paradoxically violent and gentle ebb and flow of the characters lives. It becomes a metaphor for their daily existence that speaks, cries and articulates its seduction through violence and caressing intimacy. The story can almost be a personal diary of daily mundane experiences characterised by a certain
degree of intimacy, as well as by a slight absurdism.
Orla describes this technique as 'a wall of words built from images, or a wall of images built from words.' Her repeated stress on the use of diverse linguistic form is rooted in a poetic need to explore proximity and distance drawing on her Irish heritage, that entails the need to be together and a feeling of permanent exile in loneliness and struggle. Her politics moves from the inner to the outer, emphasising personal experiences that are crucial to political negotiation. The voice over focuses on the psychic space of the man in self-exile on the island and engages with the need to communicate and the inability to do so, even with those closest to him. The struggle between nostalgia and self-perpetuated physical distancing is constantly at the centre of his experiences. It is as if both the young girl and man choose to live in a linguistic dreamworld mixing fantasy, memory, imagination, daydreaming and desire. The crucial questions seem to be how to fill up empty time that stretches endlessly. Each sec-
ond of the film seems painfully drawn as the camerawork is intricate to the point of monotony.
Portable Stones seems to share literary space with Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse and Kate Chopin's The Awakening in that very different narratives unite in their use of interior space to define physical circumstances. Also, they all use the sea to articulate that which words cannot. Bany's medium being film, this task is achieved through powerful imagery where words are inadequate. Therefore Barry's engagement is not only with linguistic success and what words can achieve but also with
linguistic failure. The linguistic failure was central to a post-mod-ern condition and lead to the deployment of stream of consciousness by James Joyce and Virginia Woolf. This defines the painful paradox of contemporary life, the need to articulate and the repeated failure to do so, especially when viewed in the context of her Irish heritage and its art, which, even though personal, is always political.
arunimakapoor
B
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7 Febraaiy2006
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Boys and girls, have you had a good week? Please continue to write your dear old Auntie at thebeaver.art@lse.ac.uk. Your questions are getting rather juicy. Some of you have voiced your fustration on wanting to write in but being afraid of being found out. If this is the case, why not call in anonymously on my new radio show - Thursdays at 11:30am on PuLSE? Enjoy February my dahlings. Wrap up warm and if you're going to use drugs, make sure your supplier is trustworthy!
Love as always,
Auntie Shaw
I never really considered writing to you as I thought that you were just made up. But last weeks confession of the 3rd Year History student struck such a chord with me that I knew it could only be true. I have a secret fetish myself, though its not for jodhpurs and riding boots. In fact, you could say its far from obvious. You see, I just LOVE women in baggy clothes. Really baggy clothes. The sight of a poncho draped over a women's shoulders drives me insane! The mystery, the elegance, the knowledge of the pale virginal skin hidden so thoroughly beneath... I never thought it was that harmful, but my girlfriend has begun to worry because I've grown to prefer the sight of her under a sheet rather than between them. How can I cure myself before she discovers I've been going to Brick Lane at night to ogle the women in Burkas?
2nd Year Economics
What a pickle you seem to be in, chicken! I myself used to have a similar problem; on our honeymoon Mr. Shaw flat out refused to come to bed with me - he'd just hover nervously in the middle of the room. A swift chat later I found out he was just luxuriating in the sensation of the tiger-skin rug between his toes, and so a quick cover change was all that was needed to have him romping away! Now, you have a most revolting fetish, you lucky thing! Auntie always advises involving your partner in such matters, but if she doesn't understand, a holiday is in order. Why not go on a romantic camping trip together? The sight of the night sky will have her thinking of England in a jiffy, whilst you can knock away safe in the knowledge that your lady is enclosed in the most voluminous of garments - a tent!
Stay safe, pumpkin.
Auntie Shaw
I live in a house with five other guys, and even though London house prices mean we live in a scuzzy council estate, the washing up is hardly ever done and the loo is flecked with, well, flecked, we have a great time being lads together. However, I'm worrying about my friend on the first floor, Dave. You see all the other boys are enjoying the fruits of being young, care-free and single if you know what I mean, but Dave never seems to have any luck with the ladies, however many drunken house parties we throw. How can we help him to get his cherry plucked?
I know what you mean all too well, poppet! It's common for your "friend" to be shy when living away from home for the first time, and his attending a University that's as sexually charged as a narcoleptic tax inspector can't help much. I fear, however, that throwing parties is the last thing that will help you, I mean
him. I'm afraid the old saying that was bounded around in my LSE days still holds - 'It's tarty not arty to shag at a party.' Lucky for me I realised this is utter drivel, and Mr. Shaw and I never had any problems courting Fortunately, the answer is close at hand. If your estate truly is as dodgy as Darfur like you say it is, I'm sure there's a rich vein of girls to be mined! As always, the answer is to lower your expectations. So get a bottle of White Ace, invest in a nice pair of Reebok Classics and get down to your local bus stop. You will soon be up to your ears in hoopy-earinged women-hood!
Ever yours,
Auntie Shaw
I'd like to bring up an issue that has been bothering me for a week or so. The penguin and the elephant. Am I the only one who has noticed that while Pingu is enormous compared to a real size penguin, Nelly the elephant is completely unrealistic, even for a baby elephant? For such an 'intellectual' campus, we certainly don't seem to be reflecting this through the medium of animal art. Why is it that the more I think about things, the less certain I am of anything?
1st Year Management
You really are far too deep and insightful for me, my dear aristotelian chum! Invest in a magic 8 ball, they're marvellous! Or just read some Gonbrich...
Many unanswered questions,
Auntie Shaw
How good are the steaks at The Garrick on Friday?!
3rd Year Philosophy and Economics
Oooh, I do enjoy chomping on a nice piece of meat! The steak on Friday is particularly weU done, just the way I like it, not a fan of the semi soft malarkey . I like them very well done hard, mmmm... ahem, back to question at hand! Why ARE they so good on Friday?! Well, it's probably the joy of the forbidden fruit. As a good Catholic girl I was raised to believe most firmly that it was only acceptable to eat fish on a Firiday. Secretly, you probably enjoy the knowledge that you're indulging in something ever so sinful - it's why I always used to love kissing the bishop's ring in the vestry as a gal! Maybe we can discuss it over some medium-rares at the end of the week? I'll be downstairs in the far right corner, alone.
Hugs and Kisses,
Auntie Shaw
What do I do when I'm on a date and really need a good fart?
2nd Year, Sociology
What a dilemma! Do you opt for the silent mean odour or enjoy a nice loud flatulence? I'd say go for the latter hun. We all fart. If she can't enjoy good toilet humour, she's not worth it!
Lots of lovely little farts Auntie Shaw
FEATURES: POLITICS
iBeaverl 7February2006 ill
Proud to be a Muslim
Arshad Azmi (1st Year Economics) & Fadhil Bakeer Markar (1st Year International Relations)
There is a lot to be proud of about being Muslim: historically, the activities of the Muslims as scientists, poets, rulers and scholars. So why not get involved with the Islamic Society? The LSE ISoc is special, with Muslims from different parts of the world. Through it you can get involved with Islamic education, social events, sports, student politics, publications and many others - it's not just about praying together! Being at university is a special time, the opportunities are out there...and it's up to you to make it count!



Only the pentitent shall pass
Fahmida Khanom (2nd Year Government & History)
Prayer for me is not a burden but a beautiful gift from God. It's a form of meditation where I can forget about all the problems in this world and communicate directly with the creator of the universe. Prayer is also a form of purification for the soul. In the same way that we need to take a shower for our bodies to be clean, Muslims pray so that their souls become clean and purified. The prayer rooms are located in the basement of Kings Chambers, anyone who's interested in Islam or the way that Muslims pray should definitely come and take a look!
The path of hope
Nazia Haider (3rd Year Actuarial Science)
Looking around me, concepts such as justice, equality, peace and truth only seem to endure in theory and it hurts even to ask, is this how it was meant to be? The stronger these doubts become, the more I realize that God's Prophets and their struggles aren't just a source to provide us with a message, but rather a means to interpret this world, and the hereafter. Islam, for me, cannot be concluded with one concept or a few meanings, it does however, begin with hope.


Mercy upon mankind
Jinan Bastaki (1st Year Law)
Li
ove for humanity what you love for 'yourself." This is one of the many sayings of the Prophet Muhammad. I think his teachings on the importance of community and helping the needy are needed even more today, in a hectic world of individualistic interests
Cheers!
Mike 'Mustafa' Davies (1st Year Economics)
W'
V V s
"Tasted! Smashed! Pissed!" And my personal favourite, "discombobulated". On many occasions I've been asked why I don't drink; I hope this will go some way in explaining.
Alcohol wreaks and it often makes others look at you in disgust, and at times pity. Having embarrassed yourself a few times in front of ^
your friends (possibly of the female variety),,
you are left with a headache and a hangover.
What's more painful, though, is the sight of.'
your empty wallet.
But the essential question is whether you had fun. "Um...I can't remember!"
The Holy Quran ,
says: They ask you about intoxicants and games of chance.
Say: in both of them there is a great sin and means of benefit for men, but their sin is greater than their benefit.
(2:219)	I
The question I ask is: "why do you drink?"
www.iaw.org.uk
^Beaver i 7 February 2006
FEATURESiPOLITICS

The Commipion for Africa:
To mark Development Week, Alkesh Woods looks back on the aspirations and achievements of Gleneagles.
It's been almost a year since Bob Geldof met up with Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and fourteen others to deliver the Commission for Africa report last Spring. Since then, there has been the G8 summit at Gleneagles, meetings with the EU and the WTO development round currently in session. Yet how much has actually been achieved, and what impact will this have for development in Africa?
The Commission for Africa called upon governments to aim to spend at least 0.7% of their national income on aid.
This recommendation was largely put into practice by the G8 summit. Here the EU, Ftance,
Italy and the UK all agreed to do exactly this by 2015 at the latest, with other countries agreeing to similar arrangements (though not exactly the same) arrangements.
On a similar theme, it called for an immediate increase in aid to Africa of $25bn a year and a further $25bn increase from 2010.
_"There are some
doubts as to how long it will be before the
aid increases begin."
This recommendation has been the one put into place most with countries at the G8 summit agreeing for this to happen. However there are some doubts as to how long it will be before these aid increases begin; some worry that only until 2010 will most of the increases begin.
The Commission also called for debt from the poorest countries to be written off, so long as these countries will use the money for "development, economic growth and the reduction of poverty."
The problem with this target is that it is very open-ended; which countries have corrupt governments and which don't? It
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is even more problematic when you consider that there will always be at least some level of corruption (even if this is very small.) In this case,where do you draw the line between very corrupt and not so corrupt?
At the G8 Summit the debt for 18 countries was written off; yet this is out of 32 heavily indebted African countries. I think there is mixed success here.
Another important part of the report was how it called for Western nations to "agree immediately to eliminate trade-distort-ing support to cotton and sugar and commit by 2010 to end all subsidies and all trade-distorting support in agriculture."
This is possibly the area where there has been least success. On the one hand rich countries look like they're going to agree to end export subsidies, though by 2013 and not 2010. On the other hand this is quite modest; considering the number of loopholes and exceptions the proposed agreement has, and how most Western nations have been slowly removing export subsidies anyway.
"At the G8 Summit the debt for 18 countries was written off; yet this is out of 32 heavily indebted countries."
Worse still, the US will not agree to reducing export subsidies in cotton by any more that the WTO has already ruled that it should. Similarly, Japan is unlikely to reduce subsides on sugar
So all in all the results seem mixed; on the one hand the Commission seems to have achieved its targets on aid and done quite well on its targets on debt relief, yet on the other there is still a lot of ground to be covered before it achieves its trade targets. However, perhaps it is still too early to tell how effective the Commission has been. After all what a country says it will do on the negotiating table and what it actually does after it's government has to spend billions of dollars in disaster relief (not naming any countries in particular of course) is quite a different matter.
Africa's problems
So Yeun Lim looks at the issues behind Africa's plight.
In Africa, it is "far easier to buy a gun ... than to go to the movies, get a decent meal or a book," according to the UN. It is also a continent with a one in 13 chance of dying during pregnancy or childbirth, boasts the highest number of girls out of school in the world (23 million), and has not met any of the UN's Millennium Development Goals.
Tony Blair analyses the situation in Africa in two sentences -"Africa is a wonderful, diverse continent with an extraordinary, energetic and resilient people. But it is also plagued with problems so serious that no continent could tackle them on its own." He is right about the gravity of problems; the list of problems Africa faces is endless, and the statistics do not provide much cause for optimism.
"Africa is home to 32 out of the 38 highly indebted
countries."
It makes up 13 percent of the world's population and 28 percent of world poverty, with the highest proportion of its people in extreme poverty. Sub-Saharan Africa is the only region of the world that has got poorer in the last generation.
Many die from diseases curable diseases such as tuberculosis and malaria, due to the lack of money. AIDS has killed 13 million people so far, with 26 million currently living with the virus. Nigeria alone' has 10 percent of the world's total number of people living with HIV and AIDS.
Marginalised in the process of globalisation, the trade barriers prevent many countries from escaping the poverty trap and its share of world trade has halved between 1980 and 2002.
Africa is also home to 32 out of the 38 highly indebted countries. These countries are trapped in a cycle to pay debts to World Bank and IMF, preventing governments from spending on the necessary health and education.
According to Tony Blair's Commision for Africa, "weakness in governance and capacity" is a major cause of Africa's problems. Weak and corrupt leaders prevent the country from progressing forward, despite the efforts by the citizens or help from abroad.
There have been efforts within Africa through programmes such as New Partnership for Africa's Development (NEPAD). There are consistent and increasing efforts by the Western world as well, such as the Gleneagles G8 Summit and Live 8 in July 2005. But whether the promises will be kept, remains to be seen. It needs to become everyone's interest for the solution to work.
FEAl^URES:POLr
7 February 2006
iBeaver



Tfs

Almost 60 years on from its independence, Fadhil Bakeer-Markar discusses the future for Sri Lanka.


• " TIME LINE
1948 - Ceylon gains full independence.
1985 - First attempt at peace talks between government and LTTE (Tamil Tigers) fails.
1990	- Indian troops leave. Violence between Sri Lankan army and separatists escalates. ,
1991	.- LTTE implicated in. assassins ti oft. of Indian premier.
1;993 President Premadasa. kiJicd in I.TTE bomb attack. 1994 ;;7.^rfi$id,enf; .Kumaratunga'i-G^ra&l tq':'power pledgmg to end war. Peace talks open |i9$5:^-lPiaceitalJ<-s collapse and i^^Es':?gs	cam'-
paign:;; ' -Government, , launcKes ¦. ntiafo>|pifensive..'
1996 vw	capital.
1999 Preside^
Wounded ln;li, bomb attack. She is re el ctid president.	-
2001 July -. Suicide. attack by Tamil-Tigers pn'the international airport;
2001	"December - New, cabinet, led by Ranil Wickramasinghe, is ' sworn in after the opposition-. Uriited . Nation^^ \Parl;y narrowly ' won .the pa^iamentary electr
2002	Februaiiy - Government Tamil .Tiger jebels sign: a. perma^¥, taeiif •ceasefire .agreement, paving the'tway for talks to end the .long-. . cunning, .confbct. The .peace ini-p--.. fciatiy4^|S:^,OTM^	t •.
2003	April rS'Tami] Tigers suspend their-participation m peace talks, sayfrig" fhey are" bemg marginalised
2ff05j^^ast - State of emergeneyi-j Sj^elarS i)g£|er..;.-Foirei^ MiftisteE?J '^hshmmiif^dix^armr is absate?~
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- l&hin^a *
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Previously known as Ceylon, Sri Lanka renamed itself in 1972 to confirm its independence from Britain, obtained a quarter of a century earlier. Yet the pressing question for most analysts must be: What has this island, amongst the most developed in Asia, gained from its own autonomy?
Since achieving its freedom, it rapidly adapted itself to free-market norms. Then followed a consistent and unparalleled surge in literacy and school attendance, placing its population amongst the most educated in the region. Equally impressive results exist with regards to women's rights, with the world's first female Executive President and Prime Minister both originating from this tiny island, which punches above its weight in this respect.
The situation is certainly not uniformly worrying in terms of development. However, one cannot ignore the disappointing reality that Sri Lanka has failed to achieve its dream of a generally prosperous and passive society. The explanations are numerous, yet the core argument is perhaps only two-fold; the devastating civil war which has rumbled on for over two decades, coupled with the flagrant political instability weakening the south in respect to this war The former has seized the lives of over 60,000 and caused the displacement of over a million whilst the southern government's continuous internal conflicts has merely distanced the prospect of peace.
The ethnic tensions flared at the start of the 1970s and unofficial war broke out in 1983, sparked by the death of thirteen soldiers in an ambush by the LTTE - Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam. With time, the situation turned to crisis and increasingly desperate peace efforts failed. Each government since the outbreak of the fighting has attempted to resolve the issue, yet the thousands of dead whom they were unable to save are a haunt-
ing testament to their respective failures. However, the fighting was not purely between LTTE and state, but rather a self-destructive desire for ethnic separation into distinct communities.
"The two faces of Sri
_Lanka have been
revealed through this turbulence: the peaceful
and the brutal."
Unfortunately, children play a significant role in the conflict. Many are recruited at a young age, lured by the propaganda to which they are subjected, which maintains that cultures cannot co-habit the same land. Across mainstream Sri Lankan society, though, the reality contradicts this belief; I myself am from, an ethnic minority but have never felt excluded throughout my eleven years of schooling in South Asia's largest Buddhist educational establishment.
The two faces of Sri Lanka have been revealed through this turbulence: the peaceful and the brutal. The ceasefire agreement co-signed by the government and LTTE and facilitated by Norwegian peace envoys was certainly a positive step. But the drama of events around that time, such as suicide bombings at the prominent national airport and attacks against the Central Bank of Sri Lanka have all too often undermined the process and sown the dangerous seeds of resentment and retaliation. Whilst we prayed for a long-term peace emulating the short-term joy of the original attempt, such tragedies as those just mentioned forced the population to put the so-called peace into perspective. As the notion of any peace slowly
disappeared, the dream survived until a major act in 2005 in which the Tamil rebels assassinated the Sri Lankan Foreign Minister and killed sixty of government's troops from November 2005 to Jan 2006 - the motive being their perceived exclusion from peace talks.
The political instability shows no veritable sign of continuity. The announcement of three parliamentary elections within the past four years reiterates this. Again, the political parties of the south were struggling to reach a consensus, thus proving their failure to learn from previous mistakes. Further tensions have arisen from allegations that the government is ceding too much to the demands of the LTTE... whereas others would prefer such generosity to continue if it can bring peace to the island once and for all. Others go so far as to criticise the intervention of Norway in overseeing the developments, a common belief amongst various nationalist
movements.. Despite these fears, the current Sri Lankan President has finally managed what has eluded all predecessors; the relative unity in the policy of the southern government. The influence of the international community therefore seems capable of .' contributing significant clout to the peace mission.
The original truce is still officially alive, in spite of all the subsequent worries. The violations of the ceasefire are yet to end and the world seems to have accepted that for now, there is to be a volatile state of gridlock. Yet there is, beneath it all, an overwhelming hope for a New Sri Lanka one day. Steadily emerging from the devastation of warfare, accentuated by the catastrophe of the tsunami, is an expectation that peace will be reached. And perhaps 4th February (Independence Day) in years to come will mark not the Independence from Britain, but independence from being ruled by war.
14 iBeaverl y'Febmaiy 2006
FEATURES:POLITICS
Hamas in transition
Features Correspondent Lisa Cunningham charts the possbile paths to peace for the Middle East's newest pohtical party.
The Palestinian Parliamentary elections last week produced a highly controversial result. Hamas, the militant Islamic organisation, took 76 of the 132 seats. What has caused shock waves around the world is that Hamas has been branded a terrorist group by Israel, America and the EU.
What are the consequences for the Middle East? With a militant party in power, the chances of negotiations between Israel and Palestine seem slim. Israel may react by taking a more absolutist stance; the fence, designed to separate the Israeli and Palestinian populations, could be reinforced. This could result in an increasingly violent period erupting in the West Bank, with Hamas continuing their bombing campaign.
More optimistically, the election of Hamas could signal a turning point in Middle East relations. Hamas may settle into their new role as the government, and through this new legitimate authority, begin to lose the need to resort to violence.
The rest of the world faces a difficult conundrum. The international community currently gives a considerable amount of aid to Palestine - the US and EU combined donate $700 million yearly. Can this be directed to a terrorist organisation? It would undoubtedly be highly hypocritical for states who have waged wars in recent years in the name of combating terrorism to fund a government of terrorists. However, the Palestinian Authority needs hundreds of millions of pounds to
fund hospitals, schools, and the police. It would be difficult for Western governments to watch Palestinian children in refugee camps die because their government is starved of funds.
Hamas were elected democratically and therefore their legitimacy cannot be questioned. The Bush administration in particular have been forceful in promoting democracy in the Middle East. After all, that was one justification for the Iraqi War. Unsurprisingly, therefore, international pressure has been put on Hamas to officially renounce terrorism. Bush has stated that for America to negotiate with the new Palestinian government, they would need to reject violence and accept Israel. This call has been backed by the EU, Russia and the
"Democracy has created a situation where there is more potential than ever to resolve a bloody conflict peacefully."
UK
So Hamas, the Israeli administration, and governments across the world have to decide how to deal with the new Palestinian leaders. But this situation is not without precedent. In fact, the UK has dealt with such dilemmas in Northern Ireland for years. Until recently, the IRA were an active terrorist organisation who were affiliated to Sinn Fein, a political party. Arguably, in the past British Government dealt with the problem badly. Sinn Fein
MPs, who had been democratically elected, were denied access to the media. Actors had to speak for Gerry Adams, the leader of Sinn Fein, as his voice was not allowed to be heard on television. Considering the bombing campaigns the IRA have carried out, this policy of censorship is no way to deal with the demands of people who are democratically elected, even if they are also articulating the stipulations of terrorists.
Hopefully, governments across the world will leam from the UK experience. To ignore Hamas would further frustrate them, particularly as they now have a considerable degree of legitimacy. The question remains; has Bush's policy of promoting democracy in the Middle East turned around and bit . him in the ass?
Democratic elections have been held in Palestine and terrorists have been elected, despite the War on Terror campaign Bush continues to spout. I would argue no. This is perhaps an unexpected twist in the road for Bush and his fellow terror warriors, but this is not a crisis bit a unique opportunity. Democracy has allowed an organisation that partakes in terrorism to become a government; becoming a government gives this organisation legitimacy and a stage to make their case; listening to this case may encourage others to enter into negotiations with them. Democracy has created a situation where there is more potential than ever before to resolve a bloody conflict peacefully.
The monopoly on security
Features Correspondent Laura Sahramaa explains why the Democrats need to be more
A few weeks ago, Karl Rove gave a speech to the Republican National Committee in which he said,
¦ "Republicans have a post-9/11 worldview, and many Democrats 'have a pre-9/11 worldview. That doesn't make them unpatriotic -not at all. But it does make them wrong - deeply and profoundly and consistently wrong."
Much can be said about Karl
Rove - the fact that he is evil demon spawn trapped in the body of an overgrown 12-year-old boy, for example - but it cannot be said that the man doesn't have balls. I imagine that every liberal in America who opened up their morning paper to see Rove's statement about Democrats being 'deeply and profoundly and consistently wrong' must have felt, as I did, enraged, while also a bit admiring of Rove's considerable gall. Rove has balls to say that Democrats are the ones who have been 'consistently wrong,' given his administration's track record of screw-up after screw-up.
But rage won't help Democrats if they don't come up with strategies to counter the way Rove is planning on spinning reality during the upcoming midterm elections. As the Washington Post columnist E.J.
proactive in their strategy to win back voters.
mr\r»+Qrm* c+o-rt	Am^iyi/^or
"Democrats must stop ceding ownership of the national security issue to the Republicans."
Dionne Jr. recently pointed out. Rove essentially laid out the Republicans' midterm-year campaign strategy in his speech to the RNC. The strategy is the same as their winning strategies of the 2002 midterm and 2004 presidential elections: claim Democrats would not be as strong on national security as Republicans, and essentially tell people the country will be attacked again if a Democrat is in office. When lacking a track record of competence, use fear as a tactic. Rove figures -and correctly. It's worked so far, after all.
To get anywhere, especially
back into the majority in Congress this year, Democrats need to alter the basic dynamic that makes people run to the Republicans when they're afraid. In the history of American politics the Republican party has 'owned' the issue of national security for years - people are more likely to see Republicans than Democrats as credible and likely to do a good job when it comes to national defense issues. It's unclear why this is the case -for example, it was Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, who led the nation to victory in World War II. This thinking, however, is for
whatever reason embedded in Americans' brains and the Bush administration has been exploiting it ever since 9/11.
Democrats must stop ceding ownership of the national security issue to Republicans. Right now, and probably for a long time to come, national security is the election ballgame. How to take ownership for themselves? Wage an aggressive image campaign, a fundamental re-branding of the party. As a model they can look to Tony Blair's successful recasting of the Labour party on economic matters, challenging Britons' long-held belief that Conservatives were better able to handle that key issue.
To take ownership of national security. Democrats can start with a commercial that begins by displaying Rove's RNC statement about Democrats being 'consistently' wrong. Then show a clip
montage: start with the American military command stating, years after it was the primary basis of the Iraq invasion, that Saddam Hussein did not have WMDs; follow that with photos of some of the troops killed, superimposed with the current toll of 2,239. Then show footage of the aftermath of bomb attacks the insurgency continues to mount in Iraq, and a snippet from the still-at-large Osama bin Laden's videotape message from last week. Conclude with the now-infamous "Mission Accomplished" footage of Bush on the aircraft carrier saying that major operations in Iraq had concluded. Then, superimposed on his smirking face, one word at a time in succession: Deeply. Profoundly. Consistently. Wrong.
Through their stunning, unflagging	incompetence.
Republicans have given up the right to 'own' national security as an issue. Democrats can appropriate it by pointing out to the American people which party has really been wrong, and promise to do better than the Republicans. After all, they can hardly do worse.
FEATURES:LAW
Seaverl 7 February 2006 lis
The line between life and death
Katya Gevargiz asks who determines the fate of critically ill newborns.



Charlotte Wyatt is profoundly ill. She was bom three months premature and weighed just one pound. She has irreparable brain damage and serious lung and kidney problems. On Friday 21st October 2005, a high-court judge ruled that she may be resuscitated if she suffers an emergency health problem. Amid the frenzied media coverage that has followed her plight, one crucial question emerges; who should be entrusted to make decisions about life and death?
Significant technological innovation has undoubtedly played a major role in forcing tragic choices. Sophisticated medical intervention has extended the natural parameters of life and blurred the margins of viability. Critically ill newborns no longer face an inevitable death. On the one hand, it is a triumph for modem science that we are able to rescue these most fragile beginnings of life. On the other hand, we have created a modern-day tragedy where unashamedly real lives and intensely personal concerns are acted out in the public arena.
All manner of disinterested parties feel bound to adopt a position and to cast judgement. However, the intimacy of the subject matter may be forgotten. The birth of a critically ill baby is, above all, a personal tragedy. It is the immediate family who must grapple with the stark realities of
round-the-clock medical support and enormous emotional commitment.
The parents of Charlotte fought a long legal battle to guarantee the resuscitation of their daughter. The initial advice of doctors was that it would not be in her best interests to receive such treatment. Further attempts at resuscitation, they argued, would only prolong an inevitable death. However, Charlotte has surpassed expectations and lived to celebrate her second birthday. She has only left hospital for several hours and remains profoundly disabled. Nonetheless, she is alive and her parents are committed to ensuring her survival.
Charlotte's case is characterised by a deep tension between medical opinion and parental wishes. Unable to find a middle way, high court judges were called upon to act as God-like figures. Human tragedy was plunged into the courtroom and the fate of Charlotte was placed solely and exclusively in judicial hands. Charlotte's parents have spoken ecstatically of their 'victory' but this word seems entirely inappropriate in the context of life and death situations. The balanced language of legal evaluation is no substitute for the restoration of a close doctor-patient relationship where dilemmas are honestly and openly discussed before settling on a suitable course of action. The migration of these discussions to the
sphere of legal decision-making benefits nobody. Doctors' medical judgement is undermined, anguished parents face the tremendous burden of legal proceedings and judges without intimate knowledge of the case are forced to reach excruciatingly difficult decisions.
Amongst the unfolding of legal drama, the lead character is often forgotten. Charlotte Wyatt and babies like her are unable to express their wishes. Parents and doctors simply presume to know what is in their best interests. However, the concept of best
"Scientific advancement can contain life and ward off death, but it
_cannot resolve the
dilemmas it creates."
interests is inherently ambiguous. Babies born with severe physical deformities and profound mental retardation may have little or no ability to communicate. They are tethered to life support systems without any comprehension of their uncertain futures and often without any ability to interact with their surroundings. They are alive but in a strictly scientific sense. Where prognosis offers no potential for improvement, it is morally dubious whether medical intervention to prevent death is really in a child's best interests. Parents understandably cling to
the preservation of life but the interests of the babies involved should not be compromised in order to accommodate unrealistic expectations and to fuel hopes of miracle cures.
Pro-lifers argue that the task of the medical profession is to promote life and that neither judges nor doctors should decide when death is appropriate. However, by preserving life, doctors may be neglecting to focus on issues of health. The slow and often painful prolongation of a premature death appears truly barbaric when it is scientific advancement and not nature that has forced the suffering. This assertion does not deny the human value of critically ill newborns. Rather, it challenges the quality of their life. When babies are born at the very margins of viability and death is certain, to force life is arguably both an affront to their dignity and also therapeutically belligerent. Health and life exist as two diametrically opposed ideals.
However, we will continue to be confronted with hard cases such as that of Charlotte Wyatt. Where disability is severe but prognosis remains uncertain, desperately tragic choices have to be made. There is no reasonable basis for pandering to medical judgment alone. A doctor can never have an interest directly comparable to the parents or the infant itself. Parents' lives will be dramatically affected" by any
decision made and their preferences, no matter how emotional or unrealistic, must be heard. Only after all interests are openly and honestly disclosed, can a sensible and sensitive conclusion be reached.
Ultimately, scientific advancement can contain life and ward off death, but it cannot resolve the dilemmas it creates. The impersonal climate of the courtroom cannot replace intimate doctor-patient relations and cannot offer an appropriate forum for an open and honest discussion of treatment preferences. Faced with even the smallest possibility of life, it is hard for any compassionate human being to deny the interventions made possible by science. Nevertheless, an assessment of the quality of a baby's life should be attempted. While this remains a highly contested approach, it is arguably already an implicit part of the best interests standard adopted by doctors and lawyers alike. It is simply impossible to determine the fate of a critically ill newborn without considering its future life. Rational and measured legal judgement can attempt to reach an objective assessment on such issues but it cannot ever give adequate meaning to the emotional intensity of life and death decisions. Wherever possible, personal tragedies should be resolved away from the arena of the courtroom and should be spared the heavy burden of media intrusion.
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iBeaverSports17 February 2006 |l7
'Topical'
The 'LSE' game; penetrating the secret society of aldwych pickup artists (part II)
Russell Bennetts
Political firebrand girl
who is she?
Two main varieties exist. The Tory girl are notable for their mention of their schools name within 2 minutes of any conversation and the fact that they have never stepped foot into Wrights Bar in three whole years at the LSE! Socialist chick can be found standing up to 'the man' week in, week out at the UGM and their sporting of a 'Support Kibble' badge still on their rucksack.
How to bump uglies To bag Tory girl explain how you were once member of the now-defunct LSE Polo Club and how you believe that "David Cameron has lost touch with his roots, dammit!"Hemp clothes and a Che t-shirt are prerequisites to even chat to Socialist chick who loves to hear how "SOAS is sooo much cooler than LSE". Simply let your Hugo Chavez action figurine 'clumsily' fall from your bag as you tie up your Converse All-Star trainers in front of her to win her heart and access to her unshaved armpits.
How to not end up asking your Liberal Democrat buddy for that dodgy sex line number he 'found in a public telephone box'.
Attendance of an anti-war rally should repulse Tory girl as much as it will attract her counterpart on the Left. To turn off Socialist chick suggest naming your future child 'Baxter' after the dog in Anchorman. She'll dismiss this suggestion, and a date with you, as "utterly frivolous, don't you know people are starving in the world?!" Or simply refer to either of them as "tits".
Tuns barmaid
Who is she?
You see them every other day and have imagined them all in various states of undress. Typically this species comes only in blond but variation in this area has recently been noticed.
How to get involved in naked team push-ups
Nobody knows. Anyone who has previously been successful refuses to divulge their secret. The bastards. However, the sluttier ones can be spotted by their impressive ability to scribble their whole phone number onto the top of your Guinness pint or even atop a snakey-b if they are quick.
How not to fail dismally It is important to remember that screaming, "Can I wee down your back?" as you are being ejected from Crush is simply not going to work.
Great Debate
The great debate no.4 pro evo V fifa
with guest columnist JJ
This year's Christmas vacation for me was a run of the mill f^air. Catching up with mates; from home, eating more greer^ and a token two hours of work In the first week home amo^ted to the fairly standard mix of Christmas holiday activities. However,' what may not yet be a permanent festive fixture is the glow of your 14" portable playing Konami's latest release, Pro Evolution Soccer 5. Should you choose tp' put your degree on hold for a month, you'll be buying into a 10 year franchise deriveq from the Japanese 'Winning Eleven' series and you'll be shunning the capitalist FIFA Empire. Bonus.
The difference betwe® the two, and the reason y^hy the former is an i-generation cult phenomenon, is intrinsic to our own development as self-proclaimed alpha-males. Most of us grew up with early editions of FIFA, sucked in by th^ slick Blur soundtrack and ge&uine player names. With commentary from John Motson and a polished menu system it was soon one nil FIFA. A teeaage-friendly shallow learning curve and arcade type | play, Road to World Cup 98 w^our adolescence by dashbotix-d light. GCSE's in the bag, we* were looking for something more challenging. Evo, with its increased realism and dependence on first tuch, provided what our first taste of snakebite couldn't. We didn't care about being beaten by South East London Reds
(Charlton) at the Red Cauldron (Anfield), learning how to play this game was a rite of passage.
Learning how to play Pro Bvo 5, coming straight from its predecessor Pro 4 is nearly as difficult. The official Konami website suggests "you're more likfely to scuff the ball and make weak in ccurate shots if you attempt to, play them while ¦ off balance or out of step." With Analogue passing power control and a d^jwase in deftness p£ the fabled ti^angle through-?|)all the game has many more facets to learn, appreciate and master." Ben Hutchinson, third 1'ea nlana gement student, says of Pro-evo (or PEZ for short), "The physics engine is ijinpr^ceaented; it's always good to see Newton's equations of motion in full flow."
Jimffi^Parfitt, a major pro-¦ponent of Ronaldinho's flip-flap cpmmented, "Watching a replay of a free kick I^dn't score, the attention to detail was superbv'fou coulia pick o|t players in the walljolting th^T Heads to avoid the bafl, peckham's characteristic leg swing and the despondenTlook Ifn his face as the ball soared ¦into the stands."
Pro evolution however, is fundamentally a late night occasion, narrowly edging Goldeneye into second place as & multiplayer console game. From fixed player World Cups to random team exhibition matches the game transcends both alcoholic effects and any desire to socialise with the opposite sex.
AU Ball from Prcskleut Claudia
THE ANNUAL AU COLOURS BALL
Wednesday 8th March The Hilton Hotel Kensington 7.30pm till late
£350 for table of 10 £37 for individual ticket Price includes champagne reception, 3 course meal and 1/2 bottle of wine. Tickets available from Monday 13th Feb from Jarlath's office (E173, inside the gym)
In Lehmann's Terms
Sam Lehmann
Other Editor
This week has been one devastating defeat after another for me. Last week I had my entire future in front of me, the world at my feet, the sky the limit, with a song in my heart and said heart on my sleeve.
Sure enough, however, one-by-one the cliches came crumbling down, and I ended the week lying face down in a pile of piss and shit and bits of sick. We're all in the gutter, some are looking up at the stars, but my head was firmly buried in the filth. Bleak.
Not the most uplifting start to an editorial, I admit. I think it's the pressures of living up to last week's gloriously beautiful sports section. Since Sancha and I took on Sports we've really tried our best to get more people involved, and you've contributed en masse with fantastic photos and even-better articles. Everyone at the Beaver has been extremely impressed by the quality of sports, almost to the point where my suggestion to have BeaverSports on the front page was seriously considered.
Although, to compound my woes I switched on the television yesterday to watch the news. And everything was shit. Iran = bleak, Egypt = bleak, rioting = bleak, Fulham losing to Man U = bleak, Chelsea ruining Premiership = bleak. There was no 'and finally' news story about a surfing dog or some crisp with an uncanny resemblance some crap celebrity. Climbing to the top of Tower One is becoming more appealing with every miserable day that passes. Or perhaps I'll just sit silently between the moveable shelves in the archive section of the library, hoping someone will turn the wheel and crush me between the first edition of JS Mill's On Liberty and the minutes of the Coefficients Dining Club, 1902-1908.
My only highlight of this week: the UGM. It was fucking brilliant. I pissed myself with laughter as I watched the majority of C&S whining and crying about paper throwing, and then giving them the vote of no confidence they thoroughly deserved. Throwing paper is an integral part of the meeting for most of us, as the AU proved. People with balance problems shouldn't really stand on a 6 foot high stage, so they should get a chair or stool to sit on if they want to contribute to union politics. Then that idiot in the silly hat (Dave Cole) said people with mental problems are affected by paper-throwing and afraid to speak. My agoraphobia, glos-sophobia and lalophobia mean I am afraid to speak, especially in public places and uncontrolled social situations. Perhaps the union should provide a little box in the basement I can sit in, and then email my speech to stage where someone can read it out? Paper-throwing is not against the law, verbal heckling would be worse for people with mental disabilities, and no one really liked you guys on C&S anyway - life sucks guys, get a fucking helmet.
It's also important to note that last week's UGM showed the immense power of the AU. Even after having extremely drunken and debauched Wednesday nights (with myself ending up in Oakwood, near Cockfosters), a huge number of us managed to turn up to expose C&S for the farce they are (or were I should say). The moral of the story - don't mess with the Athletic Union - we are all powerful and can do whatever we want, if we can be bothered to. Let's make sure the union knows that and vote some decent people into C&S this time round, and then celebrate our triumph at the AU BaU in true style (advert to left).
Take care of yourselves, and each other, I'm off to draw some more cartoons.
Ladies Tennis
Artificial intelligence discovered at Kent uni
Sancha B
LSE 1st IV	8
Kent 1st iV	0
Garden of England
Are we the most successful team in the AU? I suppose the prerequisite for such a title would include not losing a match, not dropping a set, having an average of 35 minute court time, not breaking a sweat...So I would have to answer with a subtle YES.
Now that's sorted, I would like to discuss the poor excuse
of a human being that was Kent's 1st IV's Pimp. Having missed the fist Canterbury fixture I had only heard of the legend that was Alex, the stupidest man in the world. I suppose it should be expected from non academic institutions such as the University of Kent, however this young chappy took the hob nob; small build, dark hair, slight American twang (I'm willing to look over a few imperfections) and the brain of a gone-off suede.
There are only a few people in the world I have had the urge to slap, ridicule and rid from existence: my co-editor for instance, Mark form East Grinstead, the boss of South
West Trains. Alex, however, brought tears to my eyes. His first sentence, the one that came after five minutes of disjointed grunts, was a total beauty. 'Im as confused as you are!' he exclaimed smiling. Confused! The only thing I was confused about was why his mother had gone ahead with his pregnancy.
Ironically, Alex appeared to be the brains of Kent's university tennis club) he booked the courts, arranged the meeting times, gave visiting opposition directions and in a strike of intelligence had booked courts for the match. He had, however, failed to book more than two.
As we looked at the 8
empty courts and asked 'why can't we play on them?' Alex again replied 'you're as confused as I am'....No Alex we're just freezing our nips oft and want to get back to civilization so we can eat Nandos and shot tequila, now COME ON. Alex in his defence came up with the theory of the Buffer Zone
Definition of'Buffer Zone': Excuse to get out of the fact you're an incompetent little man.
Accepting that the game of netball going on half a mile away may interrupt our game, if we play on the neighbouring courts, we began the doubles. Apart from the beauty that is the Sainton first serve, the only other balls I hit were a rugby
ball, two footballs Alex's and a hockey puck and not a single netball...buffer zone...TWAT.
The American Al/ British Bainton combo let one game slip due to left handed attempts at serving. 8-1. El Captino Pati and the elusive Erin run a muck on the next court, only losing a few games due to stupidheads insistence of rudely interrupting Erin mid ball toss to ask where his lonely brain cell was.
As Becky took over for the singles, I popped over to watch LSE rugby fall slightly short of victory and throw insults at the Kent supporters by slyly pretending I was on the phone and talking very loudly of the freezing shithole I was stand-
mg m.
By the time I returned we had won all four singles, in straight sets. On the way home we sipped our Strongbows, defrosted our nipples and discussed the possibility of all this winning going to our heads, the pros and cons of marriage and the conformity of society.
My mother told me never to trust people smaller than me; at nearly 6 foot this has ended many a friendship, love affair, employer/employee relationship. As Valentines Day approaches I was beginning to doubt my mother's advice. Then I met Alex, the stupidest man in the world, and my faith was restored.
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SPORTS
iBeaverSportsj 7 February 2006 119
Men's Football
The divine right of LSE to beat King's
K-Lo
LSE 7th XI	4
Kings 6th XI	0
Berrylands	
The most autistic among you cannot have failed to notice that there exists a certain amount of ill-feeling between King's College and the LSE. Moreover, those of you for whom human emotion is not so bewildering will have realised that this is a bigger understatement than 'Todd Buchanan's girlfriend is rather fond of farm animals'.
We despise each other. I honestly doubt that you could increase our mutual enmity if you sent us all back in time and space to 1980s Johannesburg, made all LSE students black, all Kings' students white, and convinced the men from both colleges to rape their rival' women.
You might find such antipathy perplexing, especially if you are autistic and
cannot even understand why somebody would dislike you after you just creamed them in the face with a frying pan. But believe me, there are very, very good reasons for it. I could point immediately to the AU's recent expedition to the Kings' English department and the latter's subsequent embarrassingly wussy reaction, but though significant, these proceedings have but added a contemporary edge to the whole sordid affair; the river of loathing runs far to a far deeper and more fundamental depth. Simply, King's resent our intellectual, social, aesthetic and genital superiority, and we dislike them because they are an embarrassment to the University of London.
As such, the 7ths were relishing this encounter against the Red Scum. The promise of open fighting between the two sides even drew our first spectator of the year, as my girlfriend and life-long Kings' hater Ruth Armstrong braved the flu to stand in temperatures of -15C watching a load of overweight, hungover students thrashing around on a patch of muddy grass like octopodes (plural of octopus,
fuckers) trying to mate on land. Did she enjoy herself, I asked her afterwards?
'No'.
With the wind in our favour, we kicked off. The opening exchanges were dominated by my painfully slow realisation that centre-back is not a good position from which to try and show off to your girlfriend. But though I was falling on my butt with every attempted step-over, parity was maintained thanks to Mike Mcleay and George Karaolis repeatedly mopping up at the back like a proper gentleman who'd just given one to his bird up the arse without a condom. However, even their efforts could not fully stem the King's charge towards our goal, and with 15 minutes gone it was left to Nick Quin to maintain his late challenge for Player of the Season with a point-blank save from 3 yards.
This let-off saw the 7ths spring into action. Ilio briefly stopped masturbating over how good he is and played an inch-perfect ball 40 yards over the top into the path of Kamikaze, who made no mistake to score his 7th goal of the
season. King's saw red and fought back, but in midfield Nick Green, Adrian Beciri and Owain Bevan stood resolute to take the 7ths into half-time ahead, albeit utterly exhausted. While I performed CPR on the hypothermic Ruth, Nick Green delivered a' rousing team talk promising our exhausted troops that a second wind was on the way. Unfortunately, the only thing to get a second wind were the wind itself. As we kicked off for the second half, it suddenly started blowing at Force 9 directly towards our goal. To make things worse, King's set upon us with the vigour with which Todd's girlfriend sets upon a well-endowed quadruped. I have no idea how we survived the 20 minutes that followed. But though the ball barely left our 6-yard area, the best King's could manage was a header onto the bar and a goal-bound shot neatly deflected away for a corner via my left hand, my right hand, my elbow and finally my arse, on which I was, predictably, seated.
Then suddenly, I know not how, we counter-attacked and Kamikaze banged it home to
m
put us 2-0 up. King's were crushed; it was, to quote Knoxy, 'regicide'. 2 more goals quickly followed, one from Ilio after great work from Rupert, and another from Kamikaze Chris to complete a birthday hat trick.
With the game won, I was afforded the luxury of bringing on my crap sub for the last 20 minutes. Enter vice-captain Mike Hales, hung-over and without sleep after treating a friend
in Plymouth to a booty call the night before. Even his appearance could not undermine the 7th's superiority, and we finished the game playing the kind of football that Georgey Best would have had wet dreams about, were it not for the fact that a pre-requisite of having wet dreams is not getting nearly enough sex. As such, it is perhaps more appropriate to say that we finished the game playing the kind of football that Freddie Salt would have wet dreams about.
Ladies Squash
Squash squad squish strand scum
Nat Husdan
Kings IstV I,SE IstV
This is the first lady squash article to appear on these pages of triumphant, victorious LSE sporting life.
Why? Well, frankly we were shite in my first 2 years as captain. Not due to my captaining abilities of course, but because the government is doing little to resolve the dwindling lady player birth rate in the UK today.
It's a serious problem, go to any squash club in this country and you'll see the inferior race (male) players numbering gorgeous ladies by at least 20-1. So the last 2 years have seen Sandy and myself kick fat ass, only to lose pretty much every week at numbers 3, 4 and 5. This was either through lack of
players, or because the girls playing were young, vulnerable, preferably non-English speaking students at LSE who we bullied into playing, even though they'd have been hard pressed to distinguish a squash racket from a football.
So all we needed was one decent player at number 3 to lead us to weekly glory that I could then brag about to the 4 of you losers actually reading this sad squash article.
So when not one, but 3 awesome lady players turned up at freshers, I came harder than Mark...[JESUS CHRIST THAT IS DISGUSTING -ED.]... in a football strip. Oh yes, the day had come, mine and Sandy's eyes glowed knowing we weren't going to be sweating like ho's every week only for the team to lose. And have we lost, why do you think I'm writing this??!!
After 5 ULU and 4 BUSA
matches we are UNBEATEN. Ok, we couldn't be bothered going all the way to fucking Reading so we gave that match to them, but we didn't LOSE it, it was a magnanimous gift from us to the poor girls forced to live in Reading.
So let me quickly tell you about the beauty of this week's match against Kings, or 'poly scum' as I've read they're called in these pages of eloquent literary excellence. Jang played at number 5, hammering her opponent 3-0 in less than 10 minutes. She'd toyed with the idea of playing the last game on 1 foot but I said it might be seen as taking the piss.
Julia at 4 won without having to do much but play her ungetbackable serve, I kept thinking her opponent was constipated but she was actually grunting with the strain of having to bend her legs.
Ridhima at 3 caned her biatch who looked good in the warm up, but turned out to be all power and no technique, typical male player tactic.
Sandy at 1 actually had a decent match and had to do that thing in life she really
hates; move her butt to the T, however her superior ability to drop the ball no more than a millimetre above the line from anywhere on the court came through. ¦
I, er, at number 2, er, well I lost 3-1. I know, I know it could have been a clean slate of hammering, 5 matches to 0, not 4-1, but I had a banging headache, was being well cocky as I'd beaten this girl
before, and had just put on about a stone in weight on a skiing holiday. I managed to get a game after Ridhima screamed at me "move, you fat cow" but I was truly knackered and could not go on. Don't worry, I've been running and playing pure in preparation for our 2nd meeting with the poly scum next week and THEY WILL ALL BE BEATEN.
Team of the Week compiled by Dom Kustnm
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Ultimate PRO-crastination
Guest columnist disciiss^es the ultimate rite of passage
Great Debate
Squash?
LSE ladies sq"ash4w§;ak their Beaver \drgini ? y '''
Nat Husdan
o-.()2.()() thebcaver.sports@lsc.ac.uk
Anyone for tennis?
Ladies 1st IV travel to Canterbur}' and bs3-x)nd...
Sancha Bainton
sports
Women's hockey do most dehght in revenge
Louise & Ju
LSE 1st XI	5
QM 1st XI	3
Battersea Park	
This week saw the return fixture of the epic that is a Queen Mary's vs LSE hockey game. Wednesday 25th January was a victory to the SKANKY east Londoners, which was partly blamed upon their sly tactic of sending us to
the wrong pitch, then waiting for us to call them to ask where the right pitch was. By the time we had risked life and limb trawling through Mile End to get to the pitch we were all half frozen to death.
To cut a long story short, we were very much looking forward to exacting revenge on them this week. We were playing for pride alone as relegation is imminent for us in BUSA, despite our heroic efforts in ULU. The game started evenly, and whilst we were given a rude reminder of their giant on the right wing and persistently violent central players, our counter-
attacking was second to none with Ju pushing up with force and Amanda holding firm at the back with some crunching tackles. Unfortunately the Queens somehow managed to score two goals in very quick succession, a turn of events which may have disheartened any other team, but not the mighty LSEWHC! We did not let our heads drop for a moment and the result was an excellently worked team goal for the forwards, Gabba slotting the ball away easily to make it 2-1 with Kimmy playing an essential central role.
We came out hard in the second half showing increased
enthusiasm and above all, at 3-1 down, sheer stick-to-it-ive-ness. One player who really stepped up to the challenge was Nat Black; there truly are enough words to describe what our Sabb Officer brought to 'our game': she scored. Almost twice. Before you could say 'let's dissolve C & S' the scores had levelled and their complacency was ebbing away. You could cut the tension with a knife, or Jade's unnecessary remarks to their centre-link ("You bitch" *cackle* ).
We powered through and kept the ball in the 'D' and the only way they could think to stop us was the oldest trick in
the book - fouling. Three short corners in a row followed and Andrea relished the challenge to strike at goal, edging us in front to 4-3. One Queen threw herself on the floor in a desperate attempt to break our rhythm at this point, but our mental strength was far above such antics.
Our final goal, scored with just a few minutes left on the clock, summed up our performance perfectly : a great build-up starting from the back and making the pitch seem like Hyde Park with beautiful passes down the right. The goal went to the trusty Sabb, striking from the





.A
K
moment she entered the 'D', at a tricky angle, and fulfilling our dreams of revenge.
All that could be heard after the final whistle were their poor excuses and catty comments to our umpires. Considering how arrogantly they came out, their humiliation said it all. They were humbled, we were proud. Congratulations LSEWHC for our best performance yet!
Big thanks to Geoff and Rich for enduring the bitchiest game known to girl.
LSE continue to smash up Strand Poly
Nail'er
LSE 4th XI Kings 4th XI Berrylands
Other than getting a fourth team tag team on an unsuspecting girl in Calella this year, the only thing left for us to achieve is the cup. Saturday's game was against Imperial Medics 3s and also, apparently, a chance for them to field their new signing, a midget striker with an attitude problem.
With a pitch smaller than Claude Makelele's genital area, and a wind stronger than Rita, the fourths were up against it in the first half, which ended 2-2 thanks to a Bachinho screamer, a Max 5-yarder and a couple of late Christmas presents from ourselves. With Rita now 'blowing' in our favour, the fourths were 'lifted' and 3 goals soon 'came' in quick succession. The Soule-man grabbed hfs second of the game. Then Dobber, the man who's just invited us to his 30th birthday next month, showed his experience in calculating the trajectory of his 30 yard shot if it were to take a deflection of their 6 foot
defender to make it 4-2. Joshua Tender-bender got a shot on target for a change to make it 5-2 and the medics were, much like a certain whale, out of their depth. The fourths were through to the quarterfinals.
Onto Wednesday. Last time we played KCL 4s it ended in an angry Swede attacking a group of 8-year olds, but with Nils restrained on the touch-line, this time round the only fighting was on the pitch.
The standard fourth team gesture of giving the opposition the first goal came against the run of play and proved to be the turning point of the game. From then, the fourths
dominated, crunching their players to the ground, leaving them with just 9 Vz players left on the pitch.
Eventually the breakthrough came; Mugzy slotted a ball through for the chav, who made the finish look as easy as pulling a slag from Roehampton...54 days and counting!!
Then, as some rugby girls strolled past the pitch, there was a momentary lapse in concentration in defence which allowed their striker one-on-one with our keeper. Brett showed more bravery than a cartoonist printing a picture of Mohammed with a turban-shaped bomb on his head in
the Baghdad Bulletin. This resulted in a virtually broken nose and tempers started rising quicker than methane does in the old building lift after a Brick Lane curry. With the Kings lads showing about as much strength as a polystyrene ceiling tile, the fight soon dispersed and it was onto the game in hand.
With Nils and Ramsay singing their rendition of DJ Otzi on the sidelines, the filth-ies were spurred on to push forward. Then, shock horror, the ref gave a decision our way with a free kick just outside the box. Bach, whose porn collection solely consists of clips of Ronaldinho, stepped up and
fired a shot which Max got a toe to, making it 2-1 to the mighty fourths. Joey, so his mother informs me, came in his Primark boxer shorts.
The ref blew for full time. Despite the old git's best attempts to give the game to Kings, like most things at the Strand Poly they crumbled easily under pressure. Following the game was another typical Joshua Tender-bender discussion of whether, if you were forced, would you choose to give oral pleasure to your mother, or your father...apparently he's writing an article on it in time for next weeks beaver...[dear God -Ed)
Inside thi.s week'.s BeaverSnort.s: Rus.sell Bennett.s (a^ain) Sam ranting (again)
AU Ball info A BIG Ad\ ert