29f[B 2000
""i/7 "1
erbruary 28th, 2000
BRITISH LIBRAfly OF POIIIOL SECONOMICSCIENCE
ished May 5, 1949 paper of the LSESU Executive Editor: Ian D. Curry E-mail: beaver editor@hotmail.com
Make your voice heard
Tola Soleye
A voting frenzy is currently sweeping the world at large. The McCain-Bush saga, the elections in Iran, the farce that is the mayoral race in London, one could go on. But why isn't there a similar urgency towards the Lent Term Elections for the Sabbaticals and there Executive members of the Student
Is Student politics thei domain of rabidi extremists on should 'normal'\ people geti involved? And\ more importantly, how does thisruj,^ affect you?
Union? Is It because it is 'pointless' and ' they are only doing it to look good on their CVs'? Granted, for a lot of people, the political savvy they hope to display in the future is already revealing itself in their undergraduate years. One only needs to take a look at Home Secretary Jack Straw as evidence of how far a Student Union politician can go.
But is that all that it is really about? Is student politics the
domain of rabid extremists or should 'normal' people get involved? And more importantly, how does this affect you? Well, these elections will affect policy on all Student Union issues for next year. This concerns EVERYTHING - SU ents, class sizes, library policy, the lot. The Students' Union covers every single sphere of your university life. In a matter as integral to the success of your education, it would be an act of gross negligence not to concern yourself with who is to be in charge of making these decisions that ultimately impact on everyone.
Elections are to be held this week and you van do your bit for this process by getting hold of the manifestos and finding out what each candidate has to offer and what they're promising to do. The successful candidates will be working for you so it's up to us all to make sure the best people get the places. Hustings are a very good way of finding out what candidates have to say for themselves and to ask any questions on policy or election promises that you have. The final hustings will take place on Tuesday the 29th of February and it's vitally important to ask difficult questions and watch the candidates squirm to come up with something original!
Voting is on the 1st and 2nd of March and will take place across the campus and in all the halls. The Union has a successful past year and it really is up to you to ensure that the good work
Two down, two to go: voting for Sabs at the ballot-box
continues by picking the best people to carry on the work.
The current General Secretary, Jonathan Black had this to say, 'The "'future of the union" changes, backed overwhelmingly by students were about increasing participation and ensuring the Union remains relevant and responsive. Elections and democracy are the foundation upon which this happens. By voting, students get a chance to get their vote heard. If you don't voice, your voice wiH be silent. I hope all students take the chance
to decide who will be running their union next year by voting this week.
You heard him folks, apathy is sooo 90s, taking an active interest in your union ids totally noughties and totally now!_
Positions up for grabs
sabbajical positions:
\
General Secretary Treasurer
Education and Welfare Officer Entertainments Officer
Pic; Bona Fide Archives
executive positions;
Executive 'Slate' (4 positions)
Equal Opportunities (Female)
Equal Opportunities (Male)
Mature and Part-Time Students Officer
Finance and Services Committee (4 positions)
International Students Officer Constitution and Steering Committee (7 positions)
Returning Officer
Representatives to NUS Conference (5 positions) Representative to NUS Women'ns Conference
Demonstrating against injustice
Mark T'unt Ready
In 1982, Mumia Abu-Jamal, a leading American black rights' activist, was convicted of murdering the Philadelphia police officer who had shot him. The prosecution relied on the eyewitness accounts of two prostitutes and a taxi driver who had previously terrorized a high school class. It has since transpired that they were offered immunity from arrest for their testimonies against Mumia. Such a case would be laughable, except that Mumia's final appeal to have
new evidence heard in his struggle against the Death Sentence is due to be viewed by Judge William H. Yohn Jnr. in March.
For there to be equivalence, the death penalty would have to punish a criminal who had warned his victim of the date at which he would inflict a horrible death on him and who, from that moment onward had confined him at his mercy for months.
Camus once wrote about how terrible the Guillotine was. How much more repulsive is an execution that involves broiling the condemned with electricity?
Only few can realise the American Dream Pic: Archives
Does any ';humane being require more evidence to debunk the myth of 'civilized' Western society? And yet, even if you believe in the dusty principle of retribution - an eye for an eye -there are convincing arguments against capital punishment.
The mistakes of the judicial system are the nail in the coffin of the argument for the death penalty. The argument against capital punishment in Britain has long rested upon the case of James Hanratty, hanged for a murder he did not commit. In the United States twenty-three innocents were
executed between 1900 and 1992, according to the report In Spite of Innocence. The state was the murderer in these ceases. Could you live comfortably in a state that could murder you?
Mumia himself highlights the case of Jay Smith, a man innocent of the crimes for which he spent twelve years on Death Row. He asks "what security exists in a system that plotted, lied, connived, and hid evidence to destroy one man's life." The parallel cases in Britain are the Guildford Four and the Birmingham Six.
Continued on page 4
Bedding Down in Houghton Street - Page Three
TheBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
2
LSE consider moving Muslim Prayer Rooms
FEATURES
Making it at the interview page 8
Lord Strathclyde bringing the House down page 9
look whos bombing now page 10
UNION
Getting into Election Fever	page 31
Election Special - The Candidates pages 27-30
BART
Fed up walking down those same old streets?
pages 16-17
The Underwolves howl back for Clubbing
pages 24-23
Watering down at a musical Oasis
pages 18-19
Going that extra mile with
Films	^ c
pages14-15
Ramez Mikdashi
TheBeaver has learnt that the LSE is considering plans to move the Muslim prayer rooms currently located in the basement of King's Chambers on Portugal Street. The proposal is being backed by the Government Department, whose offices are also located in King's Chambers. The matter was discussed last Monday at a meeting of the Security Advisory Group, which advises Bernard Taffs, the House Manager, on security issues. The meeting was attended by members of the academic community, IT Services as well as representatives from the Students' Union.
Mr. Taffs has described the motive for the proposed move as a security concern. By moving the prayer rooms to the ground floor of nearby Lincoln's Chambers, both the Government Department and LSE Security hope to better control the flow of outsiders entering King's Chambers. The proposal is based upon the refurbishment of a post-graduate study room and of an adjacent furniture storage room, including the installation of a swipe-card controlled entrance as well as washing facilities which are essential for Muslims, who must perform ritual ablutions before each of their five daily prayers.
Yet both Bernard Taffs and Professor O'Leary, Convenor of the Government Department, have maintained that they do not perceive LSE Muslim students as a threat to King's Chambers. Professor O'Leary told the Beaver last Wednesday that: "I have checked very carefully with my staff and all of them are of the view that the men least likely to be of threat to them are men who are about to go and pray." King's
Chambers is currently freely accessible during the day and even though access is restricted during evenings and weekends by a code, that code is widely known,
However, such incidents have been rare and have only been reported twice to LSE Security in the past two academic years. Harris Waseem, Treasurer of the

mm
Heading for Upheaval
King's Chambers Prayer Room
Picture: IVIark Simpson
according to SU General Secretary Jonathan Black. Mr. Taffs insists that installing a swipe card system at the main entrance of King's Chambers for weekend and after-hours access would not be sufficient. According to him, much of the issue is psychological and hinges upon on the concept of control: "[There are] fears, irrational though they may be, of workers seeing people they don't know come in and out of areas which .they share. [...] My job is to try and make people feel secure."
An additional concern voiced by the Government Department was the occasional leafleting conducted by political Islamic groups such as Hizb ul Tahrir outside King's Chambers.
LSE Islamic Society (ISOC) told the Beaver last Tuesday that he had spoken to Hizb ul Tahrir in late January and expressed his disapproval of their actions: "We've always made it clear from the very start that the LSE Islamic Society has no affiliation with outside political factions."
The move to Lincoln's would hinder Friday prayers, as ISOC usually book K05, the classroom opposite the existing prayer rooms, to cater for weekly rise in attendance. Veteran ISOC member Badrul Hasan spoke to the Beaver last week: "...We'd like to help with security and we'd cooperate with any measures that were taken but we didn't feel that justified moving the prayer rooms,
particularly since the new prayer rooms would be much smaller; we're already short of space and ideally we'd like more space."
Surprisingly, Jonathan Black was even more assertive than ISOC in his stance, taking the position that the prayer room issue was	more	an
accommodation/facilities issue than a security issue: "For me, the Muslim prayer rooms is not mainly a security issue but an issue of facilities for students. I think there's a problem with the prayer rooms . because I don't think the facilities are good enough, not because they're a security risk."
The matter has now been referred to the Committee on Accommodation, which will next meet on June the 6th. However, no decision will be made without the consent of those affected, as pointed out by Jonathan Black: "It is totally inconceivable that there would be a compulsory move; that would have to be based on the consent of the SU representatives on the Committee." Yet the issue highlights the continuing problem with security at the LSE. In an interview with the Beaver last week, Bernard Taffs voiced his concerns about the limited resources made available to him by the School: "The issue is trying to use the small force that I've got most effectively [...]. I really have got to try and structure the way the campus is used so that they [LSE Security staff] control it most effectively and with least effort." Even though the School is moving towards a swipe-card system of access, it is enlightening to learn ' that there are currently only four security guards available at night to patrol the 20 buildings of the LSE campus.
SPORT |_SE Copy Shop questioning democracy?
Over hill and yonder vale : LSE X-Country
page 32
Anyone for tennis?
page 33
A story of credit cards, Paris, apd prostitutes /	page 35
Paris Special; The AU goes mental page 36
IVIatthias W. Benzer, News Editor
he following article is based on
an occurence reported to TheBeaver only hours before publishing.
The elections are coming up, and, as you do, the candidates are campaigning. Apart from the hustings, held last Thursday, posters, flyers, and similar serve as means to get the voters' attention. These posters have decided elections in the past, for the simple reason that it is often the only way how people are actually made aware of the candidates' manifestos, their aspirations, ideas, programs and -as profane as it seems - their
faces.
As it was reported to the Beaver candidates wanted to have their paper allocation printed in the LSE Copy Shop after the agents' meeting last Thursday. The questioned institution was very busy at that time. As a result candidates were told they had to expect a delay until the following Friday, 12 o'clock. The problem was the fact that other candidates running for the same positions had already received their posters on Thursday. This fact gave some candidates the opportunity to start their poster-campaigns on Thursday - one day before others were able to do so. When pressed, the Copy Shop did print for a
candidate whose running mates had both got their posters.
Some might argue that this is the punishment that late-comers have to face. Another aspect of the story, however, puts the concept of democratic campaigning in a different light: It was reported that the same candidates who had been 'outsmarted' before were allowed using machines to print their posters themselves and others were not.
On the one hand some candidates' posters could be seen by LSE students on Thursday night and throughout Friday morning, whereas on the other hand other candidates had to face the disadvantage of having to start
their poster-campaign at the beginning of last weekend. The campus was practically empty from Friday afternoon to Monday morning. What was left were the posters in the residences, where efficent campaigning is possible during weekends too.
General Secretary Jonathan Black: "The union will always be completely impartial in union elections. The Copy Shop prints candidates' publicity as quickly as it can. Priority this year is being given to our new manifesto booklet, which has the statement of all candidates [...] LSE students can make a more informed choice, when voting for the people who will run their union next year."
-News
7/ieBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
Have you lot not got homes to go to?

You can tell those who had joined the Cubs Picture : Brendon Cox



All tucked in and ready for bed
Picture: Brendon Cox
Fuzzy Monkey, Editor Without Portfolio
So, you may be asking, what is a monl<ey doing sleeping rough for the night? Many traditional reasons for a monkey being thrown destitute to the streets do not apply. I have not been thrown out by unloving parents when reaching the age of responsiblity, nor have I become the victim of a vicious divorce. I don't have a gambling, drinking or drug addiction.
The real reason is that 1 was helping out on the sponsered sleepout, raising much needed money for Centrepoint and Shelter. These two charities'both work for the homeless who flourish in and around our Houghton Street campus. Joining me on the streets where many of my journalistic buddies from the Beaver, along with a crowd from the AU, and a rare cross party truce to allow the Conservatives and Labour to join in solidarity for a worthy cause.
What exactly where we targetting on that chilly, chilly night? Homelessness in London is a chronic problem. Not only does London suffer like all big cities, its dominant position in the world of entertainment, politics, the economy and society mean that it acts as a magnet for all those who want to change their lives. Although many manage to move to London and change their lives positively, many become trapped in a vicious circle of homelessness.
Put very simply, no address, no job, no job no address. It is in order to break this circle that the
Rag Week: what?
Sib Hayer
Right, this is a special week. And why is that? Well, what's been going on this week in LSE? Come on, you must have seen some activities out of the ordinary. No... not Mukul Devichand trying to pull females. Didn't you see that bloke wetting his pants abseiling down the Old Building on Thursday morning? Well, that was actually for a reason, not just for our amusement. Yes, this week is RAG WEEK. "What is that?" Matt Scullion, typical (yes, I know he's not to those who know him, but for the sake of this article, he is) undergrad in LSE dumbfoundedly asks.
Well, Rag Week is about charity, something we seem to lack here at LSE. All of the universities
in England participate in Rag Week, and it supports institutions like-the Imperial Cancer Research fund. Basically, it is that time when people are supposed to open their eyes a little more to those in need. So are we doing that? You know the answer already. True, as Alan Hatton (Ents Officer) tells me, LSE is expecting to raise around ?5000, but other universities are raising much more. Five thousand pounds averages out to no more than fifty pence per student in LSE. What kind of tight-ass people are we?
Of course, there have been acts of true generosity in the spirit of charity and good-will: witness the sixty or seventy people who slept on the hard, biting, cold streets of London a few nights ago. I hope the rest of you go to sleep
tonight on your warm, comfy double mattress with a tortured soul thinking of the brave exploits of those people. On Friday night at the Tuns there is going to be a bar subsidy in aid of Rag Week. Oh, now you love Rag Week and want to get fully involved, don't you!?
So, why is there so little awareness, and what can be done to improve the situation. I posed the questions to Alan Hatton: "1 think it needs to be more than just events like abseiling, it should bea wider thing." he tells me. Basically, Alan has quite ? a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and it's slightly unfair of us to ask him to cope with all of it, even though other SU members help out. Other universities actually have committees organised for Rag
charities step in. At an immediate level they can provide emergency shelter, ensuring that the homeless can at least benefit from a safe bed, access to washing facilities and a hot meal. At the same time they run longer term projects aimed at taking people off the streets permanently.
So what actually came to pass on the crisp and clear winter's night as we stepped with trepidation towards our evening's lodgings. The sense of forboding was neutered for many by a generous splash of alchohol fostered from drinking in the Tuns previous to the sleepout. Any further Dutch courage was to be supplied by the various bottles of brandy and Tia Maria circulating amongst the huddled masses.
Let no one doubt that it was a cold night. It did not bode well that the Met. Office had suggested it was to be the coldest of the year. As the air condensed at the touch of our breath, one could sense the chill affect every part of the body. The money that was raised, in excess of ?5,000, was obviously raised with just hardship.
How much sleep was gained on the sleepout is questionable. Whether this was because of the rapidly plunging temparatures, or the hard, cold concrete floor is hard to tell. Perhaps it was even the excitable AU with their tomato ketchup throwing shenanigans.
The cause is obviously a fine one, the participants obviously suffered enough for the money, so all that now remains is for the sponserers to pay up, and for Centrepoint and Shelter to begin the hard work of improving people's lives on London's mean streets
Union Jack
Week especially. But what is it fundamentally abowt LSE students that makes the shape of their asses so tight? "It's mainly a cultural thing." The established idea of a Rag Week is a British thing, and a lot of students just are not aware of the tradition. Plus, Alan thinks there should be better promotion of the week next time. Fair enough. But even if there was, just ask yourself, what would it take for you to put your hand in your pocket? If you ask me, the only way to seriously persuade people to be charitable is to ask them to put themselves in the position of those who are in need. Then you would appreciate it, if people like us, who maybe have a little more, could do anything to help you out.
(After an ill-advised bet in a pub in Gamberwetl, Jack has this week allowed his column to be written by his old mate Quentin Tarantino - whp was studying Economics at the LSE when he got the idea tor Reservoir Dogs, after an attempt to nick some crisps from Benjys went badly wrong. Anyway, Jack is in no way responsitjie for what the crazed Yank comes up with)
SCENE ONE
INT, DAY, TUNS. Keith, a former gangster considering a go at a Sabb position, is" talking to Mr Black, an underworld boss who operates under the cover of a civil service job.
KEITH So, run this by me again - self-indulgence is legal there right?
BLACK It's legal, but it ain't a hundred percent legal. You can talk total bollocks, but you can only do it in certain designated areas - the Old Theatre, Houghton Streeti I'uns. But that doesn't matter, cos, get this, if you make a total prat of yourself, it's illegaf for the Beaver to write about it. That's a right the fuckers don't have,
KEITH Ah, that's tt man, I'm fucking going for it,
SCENE two. Hustings at the OLD THEATRE.
BLACK For fuck's sake. Why the fuck is the England Cricket captain here?
NASSER HUSSAIN (for it is he)
Anyone got afiy fucking questions? No? Good. Right, Keith, you have the floor. KEITH I think fees are really bad, we should have loads of parties and 1 was bullied at school. I'd really like to be popular, please vote for me.
BALCONY BOYS For fuck's sake. HUSSEIN Any fucking questions? (spots gimps) OK, bring out the Gimp. AN LSE TORY (for it is he) Where does Keith stand on the most important question in these elections, namely . homosexuality?
KEITH Er..,l think fees are bad.
SCENE THREE, Tuns. Richard, a dropout philosophy students, is talking to Candi, who is running for a Sabb. position.
CANDI 1 love you Pumpkin RICHARD I love you too, Honeybunny. (Gets up on Chair) OK everybody be cool - this is a robberry. (to Candi) Point your gun, bitch.
CANDI Hang on I'm fiddling with my as.,,
GUT TO
SCENE FOUR. Tuns Entrance. Black and Nasser Hussain are talking, when they realise what's going on.
BLACK (pulls out a gun, shoots Candl and Dave) Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick. Always been my biggest asset -1 never fire blanks.
HUSSEIN You gonna sort Keith out? I heard he was giving your lady a foot massage.
BLACK I'm gonna get medieval on his assets man.
(Surf guitar plays as Black cruises around the Tuns with his civil service ring binder, cackling demonically as he homes in on the hapless Keith),
KEITH Fuck man, I'm sorry -1 just didn't want to get a real job, I can't face the real world,,.(Keith is blown out of shot by the Lord of Darkness).
BLACK When will people learn that I run this joint? Fuck, you can't trust anyone these days. Hussein, tell Charterhouse to get me a whore, I'm fucked with ail this election crap.
FADE TO BLACK.
Et tu Fabius? Exquirere Castor
Mark T'unt Ready
A member of Tony Blair's policy unit, James Purnell, blessed the LSE with his presence last Tuesday. He talked about being Tony's media and sport guru, and informed the audience of his particular interests in film and the long-term development of the internet. Who enticed this rising star to come all the way to the Aldwych?
"One of my friends was sure that the Fabians were Irish. When I told another friend at Imperial that I was writing an article about the Fabians she said 'Sounds like a cult'". "Well, they set up the LSE", I replied. Mark Tunt Ready searches for the soul of Fabianism.
The Fabians wielded intellectual power over British governments of the first three decades of the twentieth century far out of proportion to their numbers. They were founded in 1884, but didn't influence British political culture until they helped found the Labour Representative Committee (the fore-runner of the Labour Party) in 1900. In the meantime they contributed to 'progress' in a piecemeal fashion, founding the LSE in 1895.
The idea of progress was central to Fabian thought, and the Fabians accepted the prevalent view that British Imperialism would 'civilize' the subject peoples. The Fabian theorist Sydney Webb, active in the Labour movement from its conception, was appointed Colonial Secretary by Ramsey MacDonald in the 1929-31 Labour

STffiSrÙç


James Purnell speaking at a meeting of the LSE Fabian Society.
government.
The Fabians had not been dormant in the meantime. Their political and cultural agenda was conveyed in the works of H.G.Wells and George Bernard Shaw. Wells believed in progress through science, but founded Imperial College in 1908 (yes, we do have more tradition than them). Shaw made prudish audiences writhe in their seats with his implicit criticism of Victorian and Edwardian morality. He himself was an almost perfect showman. His forked and wispy beard displayed the eccentricity which he carried into the realms of morality.
He was a vegetarian, not because he pitied the poor animals, but because he felt awkward with the idea of eating carcasses. Such was the cult of Reason, interpreted by Fabianism.
Sydney Webb contributed to the Royal Commission on the Poor Laws which proposed the provision of Old Aged Pensions and National Insurance. The proposals were implemented in 1909 and 1911 respectively. The Fabians had always opposed the 1834 Poor Law Reform, and supported social security especially for the elderly. And yet, during the unprecedented unemployment of the Great
Pic: Mark Simpson
Depression era Beatrice Webb was to complain that unemployment benefit was a disincentive to work.
Sydney Webb also sat on the 1920 Sankey Commission, which recommended the nationalization of the coal industry. The Fabians did not stop there - they would have nationalized the railways, land, and the drinks' industry. They leaned towards Marxism, believing that the 'full fruits of the labour' of the working-class should be held collectively by a government representing the working-class.
This Marxist bud of the Fabian
movement was to blossom in the 1930s. Appalled by the inability of the Labour government to reform capitalism during the onslaught of the Great Depression, most Fabians turned to the Soviet Union in their desperate search for the 'progressive' model of the future. The curators of British culture, the conservative and labour parties, cried 'Red' and the Fabian movement sunk into its grave.
But I heard a rumour that the faithful still offer oblations at the tomb, though not quite so many as shuffled past the mausoleum of Lenin in 1924. 1 posed the question "What character do you think the Fabian foundation has given the LSE" to the worshippers who still congregate at the LSE once a week to pay homage to the founders of our glorious institution. A selection of the replies follow;
"Passfield is named after Sydney Webb. After he had been made a Lord."
"If you look around the LSE we seem to have moved beyond Fabian support for (social) Imperialism."
"I think the Fabians' image is unfair. They may have glorified reason, but this did not make them the miserable old gits which people portray them as. Students at the LSE often glorify reason, and they're not miserable old gits (...well they're not old anyway)."
"Anyone who's been to the Shaw library knows how ridiculous are claims that the Fabians were a bunch of dogmatic ideologues."
"The drinks' industry should be nationalized in student hands."
Libra defiled: Tipping the scales of justice
continued from page 1
The story of the Guildford Four is told in the film In the Name of the Father, starring Daniel Day-Lewis. The portrayal of the physical abuse which prisoners suffer is harrowing, but , it is the psychological effects of incarceration which are most striking. Mumia quotes from a study into Death Row carried out by American penal reformers, Johnson and Carroll, that Death Row is an austere world where condemned prisoners are treated as bodies kept alive to be killed. If prisoners have been wrongly committed not only have they suffered physically, lost years of their life and often contact with loved ones, but they have sometimes lost the will to carry on.
to put in the effort which turns existence into life.
The most profound message of Mumia's writings is that the attempt to sap Death Row prisoners of their will is only one method of the wider attempt in American society to beat the energy out of movements for black rights. Mumia cites the Baldus study's evidence that in capital cases there was a significant chance that race would play a prominent role in determining if a defendant lived or died, and remarks that the injection of narcotics into America's black ghettos during the CIA's Operation Black Eagle was intended to divert attention from the underlying causes of black poverty. Oliver North realised that "the drugged-
out zombie about to rob you' doesn't care too much for the black rights movement." How fitting that the U.S. Supreme Court has allowed prison officials to drug inmates into unconsciousness since 1990. Crack is a contemporary opium of black people.
But not the only opiate. Mumia displays that the cult of personality surrounding black role models such as Oprah and O.J.Simpson is just an attempt to entice blacks with the American Dream, a dream that the vast majority of them have the slimmest of chances of living out. However, where does,the attempt to divert attention from the suppression of movements for equal rights stop? Can we be sure
Ihat the huge prominence of the capital punishment issue in the United States is not itself a diversion from more pressing political and economic issues?
This Saturday 4th March at 1pm a demonstration in support of Mumia will assemble at Embankment Underground station to call for a retrial, and throughout the week petitions will be passed around the LSE. In attending the events and signing the petitions LSE students will be sending a message of support to Mumia that they understand his cause, and that they will not let the agenda in 'democracies' be set by those with vested interests in the persecution and exploitation of minorities.
A touching story about prison-cruelty: 'In the Name of the Father'	Pic: Archives
TrteBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
5
Time, gentlemen, please! Britons say no to longer pub hours
M
Raphael Kimberiy-Bowen
ost people are opposed to extending drinking hours, especially In residential areas, according to the latest survey conducted by NOP for the Institute of Alcohol Studies. The opinion poll, released on Tuesday, revealed the extent to which the public is opposed to relaxing drinking Jaws in this country. The poll was supposed to gauge public opinion in advance of the Government's proposals for reform of the licensing laws and for a national strategy to combat alcohol misuse.
Despite the widespread perception of alcohol laws as outmoded, the report has showed that many people are not yet prepared for the comprehensive ?liberalisation of licensing laws that the Government intends. The Government feels current laws are unpopular with the public, and is preparing a White Paper for March.
With 59% (71% of women) of the population against extending drinking hours at night and 41%
Last orders... but for how long?
(54% of men) for it, there is no clear consensus on which direction the UK should be moving in. Regional variations are apparent in the poll's results: people in London (47%) and Yorkshire (48%) are more likely to favour extending drinking hours. But even those in favour of extending drinking hours are mainly against extending them beyond midnight. It therefore seems unlikely that the government will push drinking hours beyond midnight in the near
Pic: Archives
future, despite hopes raised amongst heavy drmkers, pub crawlers and students over the Millennium celebrations period.
While a majority of students invariably support any move towards European continental-style licensing laws, claiming that not feeling rushed to finish one's drinks by the 11pm watershed avoids situations where drinkers consume too much alcohol in too little time and reduces the incidents of alcohol-induced violence and
breach of the peace, the survey has shown that there is little support towards European-style drinking laws. In a statement, the Institute of Alcohol Studies said, "These findings give the lie to the claim that there is strong popular demand for change. On the contrary, they show clearly that the majority of the public sees the present laws as useful social safeguards which they believe should be retained. They are right to believe this. Experience elsewhere shows that deregulation of closing times causes problems and serves the interests of parts of the licensed trade and a minority of drinkers at the expense of the wider community. The Government should remember that it is there to serve the interests of the majority, even if it is normally a silent one."
Three quarters of the public are in favour of retaining the present law restricting people from buying alcohol in restaurants except with a meal. As compared to countries like France where you can order a beer in a McDonalds, the fast food chain is banned from serving alcohol in the UK, and 84% of the public believe the ban should be
Letter from Westminster
David Blunkett, Secretary of State for Education and Employment, wrote TheBeaver a letter...
M
y years at university meant a great deal to me. Higher education opened up new opportunities for me and lifted my ambitions and expectations. In the community in which I grew up it was unheard of for anybody to enter higher education, and in too many communities that remains the case. In today's knowledge-driven economy higher education has become critical to both our ability as a country to compete and prosper in the world - and to our life chances as individuals. This belief in fairness is why I think the current arrangements for student fees and paying living expenses are the right ones.
Let me first of all, however, put the record straight. I have stated that I am opposed to top-up tuition fees, and the Government's position on that matter has not changed. What I do recognise is that a debate is going on in the |
wider world about how to finance I world-class universities. I can't pretend that debate isn't happening, but I do
should conduct it openly and with intellectual rigour.
The current student funding arrangements were designed precisely to prevent universities from having to resort to top-up fees. With the fairer system of funding in place we have a substantial income stream to maximise the resources available to universities and colleges in future years.
Fee contributions and loan repayments in England and Wales will total ?710 million in 2001/2. We can invest these resources in expanding access and driving up quality, building on the extra ?1 billion (an 11 per cent real terms increase) which we have already announced for higher education, in this Parliament. Further education will get a 10 per cent cash increase in 2001/2. This ploughing back of resources is an essential purpose of the new system that the media often ignores.
Any student who comes from la family with a low income pays nothing towards their fees. And paying back loans is now fairer and easier for students - through the new loans scheme this Government introduced repayments are now based on what students jean	afford,
according to their
income levels.
The alternative to our package of reform is for ordinary people to subsidise the cost of university education for the well off through general taxation. Until the Government's reforms, this was what happened with higher education spending, and it represented a substantial transfer of resources away from ordinary people to the better off. Graduates had nearly twice as much spent on their education by the state than someone who left school at 16, and they went on to earn more over their lives. Yet still only 17 per cent of the lower social income groups enter higher education.
This bias had to be tackled. That was why this Government accepted the Dearing Report's recommendation that those who benefit from higher education should contribute towards its costs. Unlike the proposals in Dearing we thought it essential that those from poorer backgrounds should not have to pay fees.
Now more than 40 per cent do not have to. The rest pay a contribution, but only the wealthiest students pay in full. Those who say that fees deter students from less well off families are simply wrong: they do not have to pay them.
Nor should we forget other
groups of students, such as those who study part-time, who used to get no state help. Lack of support for part-time study was an injustice typical of the bias in the system, ignoring the reality of flexible, differentiated attendance. We have now extended the disabled students' allowance to part-time students; offered fee payment for those who lose their jobs while studying or who are on low incomes or benefits; and have made available a new loan facility.
These measures will be particularly welcome to mature students, the majority of whom now study part-time. I recognise that full-time mature students need extra consideration, especially those with children. Two years ago I gave a commitment that I would review application j;ates to higher education from mature students. With a buoyant labour market and more part-time study it is true that applications from full-time mature students have declined. I am therefore increasing the resources for mature students. There will be a ?1,000 access bursary, primarily to cover childcare and travel costs. A grant will make up for the loss of free school meals for those who move off income support to become students, and new income disregards will raise the thresholds at which tuition fees are paid, which will also help students from
kept in place.
While the public is in favour of the government doing 'more to reduce the level of alcohol abuse in society,' with one person in two claiming to be acquainted with someone they would describe as a problem drinker, two thirds are against taxing alcohol to achieve this and three quarters are against banning alcohol advertising on TV.
The new poll shows that, in fact, the majority of people are against radical change and that there is little support for a move towards continental-style drinking laws. The idea of complete deregulation of late night closing has been floated.
Pubs In
Picture: Archives
poorer families. Hardship ^ support for mature students will be better focused.
I am also creating a new bursary system for young entrants, targeted on pupils from the lowest social income groups in schools and further education colleges with poor rates of progression into higher education. I am pleased that more young people have accepted university places this year than last, and that the proportion from lower social class backgrounds has not declined. But I want to go further in widening access and to strengthen the role of universities in the drive for social inclusion. The bursaries will be offered by higher education institutions in partnership with designated schools and colleges from September this year. They will build upon links which already exist, and will help to develop institutional commitment to wider access on both sides. '
Globalisation has increased the competitive pressures on UK higher education. New technology is making learning available to anyone across the globe. More and more people need the knowledge and skills higher education brings. We have to meet these challenges - facing the future, not looking back to the past.
TheBeaver says: that's all fine, but where's our grants? We want money to buy Mochas at Starbucks, Frozen Sausages from Tescos and one of those hot-dogs you get on Oxford Street. And another thing, we want free satellite TV, especially Bravo. Did the other kids call you 'Bucket' at school, David? Why the silly beard?
Flung
TheBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
6
A Weekly Roundup of Student Life from Across the Country with Matthias W. Benzer, News Editor
PhD student Steve Huckerby from the University of Sheffield discovered evidence for a so far unexpected face of the British student. His survey apparently proves that students are not as noisy, drunken and disorderly as they have been described by several annoyed 'neighbours'. Only one in five locals were unhappy with their student neighbours. Some even stated that they sawan opportunity for improving the economic infrastructure in areas with a high students population. One elderly man in Coventry said that students "make me feel young again." Others welcome the rich supply of 'cheap' babysitters.
Universities across the country have been trying to improve their students' reputation for som time now. The University of Southampton mailed 11.000 homes advertising a 24/7 hotline for residents wanting to complain about disorderly students. Furthermore students are advised to warn their neighbours well in advance of a planned party.
A student in Warwick commented on Mr Huckerby's rgport: "The report is pretty much correct. In the two years that I have lived here, we have^Had almost no problems with our non-student heighbours."
^jrt as an opposition to a-stereotype of students' behaviour: "In jfculties With noisy students next door they didn't generalise this
Steve Huckerly sees his j cases where people had! behaviour to all students."
CD CD
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A study from-^e University of Warwick's statistics department - has p r 0 d u c 9id suiprising results about the dangers pf, passive s? .m o k I n g . Research ''- hacl previously shown that almost a quarter of people exposed to smoke were at risk of contracting lung cancer. The researchers have shown that this figure is actually too high and the initial report was blighted by "publication bias". (Does anyone have a lighter...?)
In Week 4 of this term the Academic Affairs Community was vandalised during a Union event. The incident tool place during a fire alarm. Despite the fact that stewards were not allowing access to a particular corrdor of the NEW Union Building, a number of students managed to get into the area. The noticeboard was ripped away from the walls and all of the photographs of the members, with the exception of ONE, were torn out and ripped up on the floor. Now cameras have been installed to act as a deterrent to crom in the Union, although the act is widely perceived as an isolated incident. Ruth Camp, the ONE: "It seems to have been a random incident. We have ruled out the possibility of the involvement of a rival candidate for election, which makes it a pontless and idiotic attack." What disappoints people at Warwick is the fact that the act ocurred in a rather safe area. Anyway, recent measures taken by the security team are seen as "stringent enough to prevent any incidents that may arise in the future."
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Police have issued a warning to Durham students to be
extra vigilant when answering the door to individuals claiming to be policemen.
The advice follows a series of incidents in which men claiming to be non-uniformed policemen have called on student houses and tried to gain entrance.
In one case that occurred towards the end of last term, a house was targeted by a pair of men who demanded to know the name of the property's landlord. When the female students enquired about the pair's identity, they claimed to be policemen but said that they did not need identification. The men subsequently changed their story and said that they were salesmen. However, they still could not provide any identification and were forced to leave. The police say problems of this kind are widespread. Ben Smith, the rep for Trevs, said, "There have been a number of students reporting'that this has happened to them." Police have urged any students who have been "concerned by the activities of door-to-door callers to report the matter to them. In a separate incident, a male student was telephoned by a man alleging to be a policeman, who told him that he had to report to Durham City police station. Yet when the student contacted the police officer whose name had been given to him on the telephone, the officer said that he had not made the call.
It became apparent that the caller was a fraud, acting under the name of a real police officer. When the mystery caller got in touch again, the student explained that he was aware that the man was using a false identity. The student was subsequently verbally abused and has since received further calls that police have beeh unable to trace.
The University Liaison Officer said he was concerned by the reports and advised students to demand official identification from any door-to-door callers. "It is extremely important to be vigilant and, obviously, if you have any suspicions about the individuals then do not let them in." He added, "Even if it is someone claiming to be from the gas board, if they do not have any ID then telephone the company and check that you are scheduled to be visited that day."
The Controversy surrounding research into lethal weapons has escalated to new heights, with over twenty-five students taking part in the campus demonstration, and 700 signatures being gathered, voicing concerns and raising awareness of the issue. The BBC were, also present. The six students pictured represented some of the people killed around the world by plastic bullets.
Once again, the students of Waterfront University are demanding an end to the research into lethal weapons. A spokesperson for the group, Steve Howes, said, "University is a place of learning- not a place where oppressive technology.
is advanced. We want an ethical policy for all research in the University to take into account all human rights issues." The protesters marched from the front of Fulton House to the Engineering block and finally on to Vice Chancellor Robin Williams, where they argued that academics should take responsibility of finding out the full implications of their research.
As only four students were allowed in to see Professor Williams, a campaign leader Rich Butler and representatives from the University based groups Amnesty International, Swansea Earth Action and People and the Planet delivered the petitions and the proposals. Angelique Mullholland, chair of Amnesty International, later informed Waterfront that they were told Professor Williams could not make a decision until he had read the proposals, but when pushed to make a statement was "very reticent and unclear about what he intends to do on this very important issue." The University does have a Research Committee whose job it is to regulate all research grant, though lately their ethical policy' has come under much fire.
li
EcSbtial
As the collective calm of Houghton Street Is once again shattered by the shrill call of electoral candidates, the editorial page will endeavour to take you some place calmer.
Not being able to mention candidates, policies or basically anything with a ten foot barge pole I am going to turn my attentions to some of the nicer aspects of living in our great capital.
Firstly soak in the civilising impact of our capital's fine architecture. Although patchy in places, the grandeur tends to shine through when needed. Its all too easy to keep your eyes fixed to the ground and ignore the visually breathtaking edifices soaring all around. All you need is a sunny day, blue skies and London is transformed, and appreciating this will send your spirits soaring.
When stresses and strains take their toll London has more than its fair share of green spaces in which to unwind. From the Royal Parks to hidden commons, tree lined avenues to salubrious squares London is definately a 'green' city. Catching up on either revision or simply your tan is never more pleasurable than when led on the grass looking out on an urban oasis.
If you feel too narrowed by your studies, and feel an immersion in culture is required, enjoy London's free or student friendly hot-spots. The British Museum, absolutely free, is a great place to start. Followed by the National Galleries and stand by tickets at any West End show and your day of budget sophistication is complete
A great cure to the insularity of the LSE is a big night out on the tiles. Kow tow the budget with a lavish, yet price conscious, feast in China Town. Followed by the delights of Soho you have all the ingredients for a completely unwinding night out. Look your most fabulous and you may be lucky to get your drinks bought!
What has prompted this rant on London's qualities? I thinki have realised it is too easy to fall into the trap of taking London for granted. If we do that without appreciating its glories from time to time we might as well be anywhere, and we certainly pay the premium to enjoy the product.
Eager readers will no doubt have noticed the change at the top. I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself, Ian, as the new Executive Editor, and Mukul Devichand as Managing Editor. I hope we can keep you interested, informed and hopefully involved. Don't forget that this is your newspaper, and we welcome everyone to join our tea.
Ian D. Curry Executive Editor
Comnrtert
SECRET EYE
his is the first of two columns in which we wilt address the issue of the British Welfare State and how it has evolved since its inception in 1945. This week we will be focussing on the 'National (excludes anyone north of London) Health (depends on how old you are) Service (debatable)' (NHS), the Welfare State was the brainchild of William Beveridge (BA Ox.), an idea, which stemmed from what he identified as the 'Five Giant EvHs'facing society. These were want, ignorance, squalor, disease and idleness. (It is somewhat distiirbinig that ait these are still applicable to our fellow "students" at the 'Strand Poly'). The primary aim of the NHS was to establish free healthcare for ail, regardless of geographical position, social background and financial situation. Britain was the first in the world to introduce such a system and as such set the tone for weifat-e provision. Normally, one would expect a country that has developed the idea first to make use of it and maximise its potential. Unfortunately, things have not turned out quite as well as Beveridge intended (nothing new there then).
You do not have to possess a phD from LSE to find some of the small problems facing the NHS. For example, although many emergency cases (such as nose jobs, men desperate for Viagra, etc) are seen to within a matter of minutes, other people with "less urgent" cases (eg those requiring heart surgery) are put on a waiting list. These "waiting lists" are an ingenious Idea and the individual(s) who thought of it should jump for joy (off a cliff). The usual procedure is to be put on a list to see a consultant (which has funnily risen since Blair took office) followed by a further wait on a 'hospital list'. Once you reach this list you usually visit the operating theatre a few times (just for practice) before you are actually operated on successfully (with luck).
Only last month our buddies in Westminster were going on about how the, NHS could cope in any crisis (despite its obvious shortage in funding). This was fully realised by its ability to take the minor flu outbreak in its stride. Blair & Chums would have us believe patients in corridors (oh the floor), multiple cancellations of operations, mobile hospitals and tired doctors were a thing only evident in the last century. Reffecting on these issues how can we resolve this situation? One solution is to build a ?750million construction to celebrate the millennium thus taking our minds off the sorry state of Ihe NHS. Another solution is to let the NHS waste away and get everyone (excluding anyone with income less than ?1 Ok, Northerners, people from Birmingham, Welsh, etc.) to invest in private healthcare and fulfil the wishes of Blair's idol, Mrs Thatcher. Moreover, from the money saved, Blair & Churns could pay for Cherie's maternity ward when the new baby Is born. However, the best solution is for LSE is to buy it. Although it may be costly to undertake an operation and the doctors may have no .idea how to operate at least patients can admire the exquisitely decorated wards...
BERNIE, PLEASE DON'T HURT US -AN APOLOGY
Following last weeks front page article on the Benizir Bhutto visit we have been asked by the LSE security and portering team to clarify a few details. The 'overly heavy handed' security arrangements were in actual fact necessary, both by law and for the protection of students at so high profile an event. Mr Taffs, the head of LSE Security, would like to point out that himself and his staff were under considerable pressure that night, owing to the large numbers and the high profile of the speaker. Under these circumstances the arrangements were proactive, but this was purely for the security and safety of students involved.
We apologise if any offence was caused to the security staff and portering team.
Angry? Annoyed? Enraptured? Overjoyed? Have Your Say on articles in TTKBeawer E - Mail
beaver_editor@hotmaii.com TAdBeauer -IheVoioeaflheLSE,


LARGING IT IN INDIA
Dear Sir,
This Is in response to James Corbett's article "Damning the God of Large Things" (The Beaver, February 14, 2000). Arundhati Roy may have 'prickled the International consciousness' but are her motives as sincere as she projects them to be? It Is time we, as Intelligent citizens and readers, begin to question her Intentions and criticise her statistics before accepting what she advocates In her account of 'The Cost of Living".
It Is true that the issue of resettlement has seldom been considered as an adverse consequence of Infrastructure projects,' e.g., hydroelectric and transportation projects. It is also true that proper rehabilitation provisions are rarely addressed and hardly ever systematically Implemented. Thus, resulting In thousands of families displaced, and leaving them vulnerable to new environments where they must rely on their own capabilities In reestablishing their livelihoods post-resettlement.
In the case of the Sardar Sarovar Narmada Project, resettlement and rehabilitation for the project-affected families has received exceptional attention. In fact, the Resettlement and Rehabilitation (R&R) Policies for all three project-affected states in India (Gujarat, Maharastra, and Madhra Pradesh) have been subject to continued criticism by not only the International community but by the project-affected families themselves. In some Instances, persons at risk of being displaced have joined the anti-dam movement led by the Narmada Bachao
Andolan. This Is one side to the story Ms. Roy eloquently presents.
In other Instances, persons have chosen to fight for an Improvement In rehabilitation provisions outlined in policy documents. Contrary to accepted wisdom, these groups of resettlers were not distressed with the onset of displacement, because they sought provisions that enabled them to regain, if not maintain, control over their lives. Unfortunately,this Is a side to the Narmada Story Ms. Roy barely mentions.
For instance, the R&R policy for Gujarat has been a pioneering example for the types of provisions essential for resettlers to regain their livelihoods. Central to this Is the right some local project-affected persons fought to participate in the formation of Gujarat's R&R policy to include two essential provisions: 1)replacement of irrigable land, irrespective of previous landholding; and 2)the option of cholce--land plot, resettlement site, and relocation unit.
Based on an anthropological study I conducted In Gujarat, some resettlers were economically and socially better-off post-resettlement. Moreover, a preliminary analysjs of the Impact of relocation on ^enderl relations revealed that women were beginning to undergo changes In their attitudes and In their behaviours. Most significant of them was how they viewed the future of their daughters, e.g., level of education.
While there are accounts o| resettlers who face hardships and experience high levels of impoverishment post-resettlement, there are accounts of success stories. These accounts are often under-reported and/or overlooked. Why? Because these days. It Is politically correct to advocate 'development' as having a negative connotation and as being at the expense of the greater common good.
Ms. Anupma Jain, M.Sc.
Ph.D. Candidate, Social Policy
London School of Economics
TTieBeaver
EXECUTIVE EDITOR
Ian David Curry
MANAGING EDITOR
Mukul Devichand
PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR
Neha Unia
ADVERTISING MANAGER
Ian Wise
Sectioni
NEWS EDITOR
Matthias W. Benzer
POLITICAL EDITOR
James Corbett
INTERNATIONAL EDITOR
Claudia Junghwa Kim
FEATURES EDITOR
Neelam Verjee
SPORTS EDITORS
Anna Foster Nick Wogan
Section 2 -BART
LITERARY EDITOR
Anna Yacoub
FILM EDITOR
Owen Matthews
THEATRE EDITOR
Linda Morris
MUSIC EDITORS
Shilpa Ganatra Charlie Jurd
STYLE EDITOR
Tola Soleye
CLUBBING EDITOR
Jo Serieux
FINE ARTS EDITOR
Jan Sagan
Collective
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TTKBeewer can be contacted by phone or fax on 0171 955 6705.
All letters for printing should be received by Noon on the Thursday preceding publkatton.
rheBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
8
MOM, THEY GAVE ME AN INTERVIEW
You bullshitted on the application form. You pretended you were cool.
Your fantasy has become reality. They've given you an interview.
What the hell are you going to do now?
Mukul Devichand explores the topsy-turvy world of job interviews
It's that time of year again. The armies of City-I<eenies - the silent, conscientious hordes of potential high-earners that populate LSE - have been busily filling in application forms for jobs and vacation placements. After weeks of filling in answers to puzzling questions such as "how do you react when you get angry" (to which I once replied "I punch people") it's completely shocking when some lowly firm actually does ask you to come for an interview. After all, most of us never even had an interview to get into the LSE. As fumbling, scared, bashful interview-virgins, the first time you are ushered into a boardroom with some bald grey suits can be very intimidating.
Here's what to do.
The interview
What to wear
Apparently, it's not a good idea to wear our Homer Simpson tie to an interview. Too trendy, it seems. So kind of tie is OK? 4^ Bow ties are out (much to the disappointment of the LSE Conservative Party). Worse still, clip-on ties are
considered vulgar. Fascists! This means you will have to do a smart double tie-knot yourself (unless, of course, you have a kindly girlfriend).
Dark suit, light shirt, boring tie is the best for the lads. A snazzy blue-on-blue or something might work well, but not if it has beer-stains on it from the last time you wore it to a wedding.
Women have a bit more freedom in that they can choose between skirt or trouser suit. But they still can't wear leotards, hot-pants or tiger-skin bikinis.
Shoes are important. You can wear smart leather polished shoes. You can't wear your brand new Nikes, your old school shoes or a pair of oversized clogs.
How to arrive
itself
I once made the mistake of arriving to an interview four hours early in a white chauffeur-driven stretch limo. My advice now is to arrive 15 minutes early and travel by tube.
Another tip: if you do succumb to the temptation and have a Benjy's baguette on your way in to the interview, make sure that a) it
The drinks When they ask you if you would like a drink, say yes, but remember not to ask for beer or a McDonalds thickshake. They will not think you are amusing if you ask for "sex on the beach". They will not think you are an international-type if you ask for "cows'blood, to remind me of my brief sojourn with the Masai in Kenya."
If you choose tea or coffee, limit the amount of sugars to below seven,
and pour the milk carefully.
Best advice is to choose a glass of water, drink very little of it and do not You You'll be nervous. This is natural, and they will expect it, dribble.	so don't get drunk and/or smoke copious amounts of illegal
drugs beforehand. Remember to put lots of Kleenex wipes / in your pocket in case you have one of your little 'accidents'.
. I Qittir
is not a garlic-onion-chicken tikka concoction of foul breath and b) you do not leave strips of ham and cheese dangling grotesquely from between your teeth.
Trim your nasal hairs a few days in advance, of course.
Another good idea is to wear a watch, it makes you look organised, provided that it is not a
pink Casio number that you won at a fairground ^
stall.
An d''
switch your mobile off,
you fool.

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V>AsXv./q

Sitting positions and body language speak volumes about you, so sit straight or cross your legs slightly if you're female. s^Girls: do not try that Sharon Stone manoeuvre from 'Basic Instinct', it may go horribly wrong. Boys: control your manly itches.
Although it's very tempting, make sure you don't try and sneakily listen to your Walkman when the interviewers are talking. If you do, it's best to listen to Classical so you create a good impression. Try Schubert, Duran Duran or Chopin.
Parrot It is possible that the interviewers will keep an old green parrot to repeat your pathetic rantings back to you and generally humiliate you. Do not treat him as a rival: in the words of an eminent politico he is "an asset".
The interviewers There's usually two of these student-munching demonic warlords.
The Human Resources Dept. person, usually female This woman is your worst, worst nightmare. She's bitter and twisted. She works in the pathetic realm of the personnel department and is surrounded every moment of every day by people who earn more than her. Even you, if you get the job, will earn more than her. So, she will go out of her way to get you. But don't worry - she's quite easily outwitted.
Female candidates: do not, under any circumstances, try to appeal to the female solidarity of this person, she will devour you as bitchily as a poodle in heat.
Male/lesbian candidates: you should be aware that by some twist of fate, this character is usually very, very fit indeed. Do not ogle or fantasize about her, or try and impress her with tales about the size of your "list of qualifications".
The Senior Manager or Partner, usually male (as we have come to expect in this world of sexism and evii^ This old geezer is usually a powerful figure in the company - but fret not, he's a gentle man at heart. Appeal to his human side by showing how balanced you are - combining tales of your academic superiority with stories about how you once hiked across Tibet on your hands/wrestled to the death with a partcilarly hard alligator in the everglades of Florida. Appeal to his memory of his student days with accounts of your own depravity, praise his company culture and his industry - but do NOT, under any circumstances, question his intellectual stance on things. He would piss on you like the pathetic
young student sapling that you really are. U.S. Govt. Surveillance Camera
Do not be naive. They are always watching you.
aPolitics
T/jeBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
9
THE YOUNG TURK IN THE OLD HOUSE
James Corbett half-expected Lord Strathclyde to represent all that was bad about the House of Lords. And
then he met him and found that he was quite wrong...
Sitting in the visitors' room in the House of Lords, it is remarkable to find how close to the popular stereotype of the upper house the plush surroundings are. The walls are oak panelled, the carpet reassuringly thick, the faux gothic masonry suitably imposing. An electric fire sitting under a monumental mantelpiece warms the room. In the easy chair next to me sits Lady Aldington, waiting patiently for her husband while filling in the Telegraph crossword. As I wait for Lord Strathclyde's assistant to meet me, former political grandees file past, one by one into the wintry February night. Ostensibly it has the aura of a retirement home for old cabinet ministers. Lords Healy, Rifkind and Healey pass me by in the short time I'm waiting in the lobby, each clearly in the autumn of their careers, all a little more stooped or greyer than the mental picture I'd stored from their respective heydays. Once I'm in Lord Strathclyde's chambers, the time-worn image of the Lords as an old fashioned institution steeped in an unhealthy amount of tradition is reinforced by the lines of cloth-bound volumes of Hansard on the shelves, the burgundy sofas and yet more oak panelled walls. It could be a study in any stately home, of any Lord of the Manor. Ùq
Yet Lord Strathclyde belies the ready-made image his surroundings conjure up for him. Far from being the cudmugeonly old noble one might expect someone in his position to be, Strathclyde is a reassuringly fresh-faced, open minded modern politician with forthright views on which direction he would like to see the future of the House of Lords move towards. The Conservative Leader in the Lords thinks that the Government's reform of the Upper House has been "disastrous." Although he initially owed his place in the Lords to right of birth (he is now an elected peer) he "doesn't know of a time when the hereditary privilege was in date." Rather the hereditary principle undermined the role of
Lord 'S' himself
the second chamber. "A hereditary second chamber does not have the authority that it needs to hold the government to account," he says. His criticism is that the Government literally expelled the hereditaries before having any clear idea of what should replace them, while at the same time filling the second chamber with nominated peers. He describes Tony Blair's use of "patronage and cronyism" as "rampant." "There is a rich tradition of patronage and it's an important part of Prime Ministerial power... I'm not at all opposed to that," he admits. His opposition stems from the scale at which the Prime Minister has created hereditary peers. "I think over 18 years Margaret Thatcher and John Major made something like 210 life peerages," he tells me. "Mr Blair in his two and a half years has made 180. Because the house is much smaller than it was, Mr Blair has created nearly 30% of the second chamber: a legislative body." I put it to him that Blair is maybe just redressing the balance after nearly two decades of Tory rule, something he agrees with to a point, but says that the image that
Pic: Archives
the Labour Party has created of the House of Lords as being a bastion of conservatism is a false one. "The House of Lords is not just about Labour and Conservatives, it's also about the Liberal Party and that all important, and very unusual element, the cross-benchers." He says that the Conservatives never even held a clear majority of hereditary peers, that before the act to remove the hereditaries they held just over 40% of the House, a figure now reduced to around 30%. "Blair has created more peers, more quickly than at any other time. Including Lloyd George and including Harold Wilson's 'lavender list.'"
One of the most important recommendations of the recently published Wakenham Report into House of Lords Reform will in effect bring an end to a Prime Minister's power of patronage by implementing an independent appointments commission to create future peers. The Report also laid out proposals regarding the composition of the second chamber, procedures regarding political and gender balance as well as pay and terms of office. Yet
it was greeted with varying degrees of dismay by each of the three main political parties. Robert McLennan, the Liberal Democrat spokesman on constitutional affairs, described the report as "shot through with dismal old fashioned, self-serving clubby attitudes," while a Charter88 survey of back-bench Labour MPs showed that over two thirds of those questioned favoured a second chamber whose composition is directly elected, and a third would like to see a 100% directly elected second chamber. Lord Strathclyde admits that the Conservative Party are still deliberating on the Report's recommendations but says "as a party we would like to conclude that we would like to see a greater preponderance of members who are directly elected by the people than is currently recommended." What the Report actually recommends is that a mere sixth of the reformed Lords 550 members will be directly elected. Strathclyde's vision of a 'stronger... more independent chamber' seemingly lies in tatters.
His overall opinion of House
of Lords Reform seems to be in
keeping with his entire view of the
Labour Party's much heralded
1,000 days in power: one of
disappointment. He claims a failure
to deliver on manifesto pledges,
notably on education and health,
and adds that their presentation
while "excellent" and even "Rolls \
Royce" "hides'the reality that things have changed for the worse and not the better." While the failure of the Conservative Party to capitalise on these failings "is a criticism", many of the most recent problems, such as Jeffery Archer and Sean Woodward, are "superficial" and "born out of issues years ago." When 1 ask him about the alleged rightward shift in the party he sets it in the context of Jack Straw's abolition of the right to trial by jury, which seen against such a backdrop seems to put the accusations into a more realistic context. However when I push Lord Strathclyde on the next General Election, one which he believes is winnable, he only
makes mention of the Conservative Party line on Europe. Even at this early stage this would seem to be their central argument. This opposition it would seem is immovable, the single currency has been ruled out for the duration of the next Parliament by Hague -in theory until 2007, as it it were a central tenet to the Conservative Party's very survival.
Herein lies the Conservative Party's main contradiction. In many ways they are progressive in their policies: their much derided 'Common Sense Revolution', if slightly dull sounding, is, as the name suggests, sensible. Yet other policies, such as Europe, are set in stone and in many way represent all that was bad about the last Conservative administration: narrow-mindedness; inflexibility and a failure to compromise. Lord Strathclyde too, is a contradiction in himself. A former hereditary peer who is resolutely opposed to the hereditary principle should in itself say it all, but he is also charming, insightful, intelligent and honest, while his view of how the Lords should be reconstituted is a good deal more visionary than the watery Wakenham Report. In short he is as far removed from the man I half expected to meet as is possible. And here lies the ultimate parody: that a modern politician such as Lord Strathclyde cannot be part of a modern legislative body. The Lords, even in the new century, will remain as outdated as it has always appeared to the outsider, and after Wakenham, the calls for change will, one fears, remain unheard. '
Ail Lords in the House say 'ho'!
TheBeaver
Ùq p0Q'{'(jp0^ Issue 517 - February 28th 2000 ÙqÙqÙq^-
WHO'S BOMBING
The Beaver looks at last year's mistaken bombing of the Chinese embassy in Belgrade by U.S. planes. Reopening the investigation, we ask the obvious question: what exactly went wrong?
M
ay 7th last year saw the bombing of the Chinese embassy in Belgrade by the United States, probably the most diplomatically sensitive target the US could have picked. At $44 billion, the world's most expensive plane, the B2, flew across the Atlantic and dropped 5 of the most accurate flying bombs in America's trillion-dollar arsenal on the embassy. The 5 Joint Direct Attack Munitions 20001b. GPS-guided smart bombs took out the entire southern end of the building; so precise was the strike that the embassy glass front, the Ambassador's Mercedes and four flower pots were left untouched. The office of the military attache was destroyed, four journalists' were killed and 20 embassy staff were injured.
Since the air strike on the Chinese embassy more than 4,000 letters have been received by Ambassador Li Zhaoxing from over fifty countries and regions, including many hundreds from the United States. No one can believe that such a mistake could have been made by a global superpower using some of the most up-to-date technology in the world.
Thomas Pickering, the Undersecretary of State was landed with the unenviable role of US President's Personal Envoy to the Chinese Government, whose task was to present the US government's investigative report
into the causes of the mistaken strike on the Chinese embassy to Foreign minister Tang Jiaxuan and Vice-Foreign Minister Yang Jiechi.
"Let me emphasize," Pickering said at the outset, "no one targeted the Chinese Embassy. No one, at any stage in the process, realized that our bombs were aimed at the Chinese Embassy. [...] The United States had absolutely no reason to want to attack the embassy facility. Any such decision to bomb an Embassy would have been contrary to U.S. doctrine and practice and against international standards of behavior and established international accords. No such decision was ever proposed or indeed made."
The US official version of events centres on the designation of three fundamental flaws in the military intelligence process employed to locate the target.
First, the technique used to locate the intended target - the headquarters of the Yugoslav Federal Directorate for Supply and Procurement (FDSP) - was severely flawed. "We had a street address of the FDSP headquarters: 'Bulevar Umetnosti 2' in New Belgrade," explained Pickering. "But military forces require precise geographic coordinates to conduct an attack with precision munitions. During a mid-April selection and designation of the target, three maps were
The man they meant to get: Slobodan himself (right) Pic: Archives
used in an attempt to locate physically the address of the FDSP headquarters: two local commercial maps from 1996 and 1989, and the then most recent U.S. government map produced in 1997. None of these maps had any reference to the FDSP building. And none accurately identified the current location of the Chinese Embassy." While the 1989 map predates the embassy's move, the 1997 map shows the embassy at its old address and the 1996 map makes no reference to the embassy at either address. An intelligence officer in Washington reverted to land navigation techniques. "These techniques -which involve the comparison of addresses from one street to another - can be used for general geographic location, but are totally inappropriate for precision targeting, and were used uniquely in this case. Using this process, the individual mistakenly determined that the building which we now know to be the Chinese Embassy was the FDSP headquarters. To use these techniques for targeting purposes was a serious mistake." In what resembles a schoolboy's solution to a textbook geometry problem, military intelligence officers identified and drew on a map three known addresses (two hotels and the Serbian Socialist Party HQ), and used these locations and their street addresses as reference points to draw parallel lines intersecting the known addresses and Bulevar Umetnoshi. "In what proved to be a fundamental error,' explained Pickering, "those same numbers were then applied to locations on Bulevar Umetnosti, assuming that streets were numbered in the same fashion along parallel streets." An assumption no one who's ever set foot in a town or city would make.
The second major error stemmed from flawed databases: none of the military or intelligence databases used to verify target information contained the correct location of the Chinese Embassy. "The incorrect location of the FDSP building was then fed into several U.S. databases to determine whether any diplomatic or other facilities off-limits to targeting were nearby. We do our best to avoid damage to sensitive facilities such as embassies, hospitals, schools
Jiang Zemin with Prince Charles,
and places of worship. In this instance none of the database sources that were checked correctly identified the targeted building as the Chinese Embassy."
Multiple databases within the Intelligence Community and the Department of Defense all reflected the Embassy in its pre-1996 location in Old Belgrade. Despite the fact that U.S. officials had visited the Embassy on a number of occasions in recent years the new location was never entered into intelligence or military targeting databases. Pickering acknowledged that the Chinese embassy address was in the phone book, the diplomatic list and other possible sources, including Y^jgoslav maps, and that "many citizens and officials of the US were aware of the correct location of the embassy." Surely, using recent Yugoslav maps to locate targets in Yugoslavia would be more worthwhile than using American out-of-date maps? Surely when US source maps were found to be in contradiction with each other, intelligence officials would, at some point during the many months of preparation to the air strike, seek the first hand knowledge of officials who had recently visited the embassy? What's more it has since been uncovered that the embassy has long been a prime target for Western intelligence, ever since the Chinese have been assisting the Serbs in building-up their
but is he angry with the West?
military strength, and so well known and well identified by US intelligence officials. Pickering explained that, "in general, diplomatic facilities have been given relatively little attention in our efforts to update our databases because such facilities are not targets. [...] The correct location of the Chinese Embassy was not known to targeteers or NATO commanders because we were not, in fact, looking for it."
The third flaw concerned faulty checks. Nowhere in the target review process was either of the first two mistakes detected. "Persons familiar with the layout of the city of Belgrade were not consulted in the construction df the target and no-hit databases. They were also not involved in a review of this target. This points up a flaw in our procedures."
However an intelligence officer who had doubts early on in the process as to whether the building being targeted was in fact the FDSP headquarters attempted to make some chr;ks about the location, and was continuing to check when the bombing raid was launched, "unable to communicate his suspicions to senior officers" in time so stop tlie attack due to a "series of frustrating miscommunications," in the words of Thomas Pickering.
The press office of the Embassy of the People's Republic of China in the US has published many articles on its web-site
Hpeatures
r/7eBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000 11
WHO NOW?
raising doubts over the validity of the US government's excuses.
"The Embassy building is of a distinct traditional Chinese architectural style with such clear markings as the national emblem on the facade of the main building and a sign plate at the main entrance. And the FDSP is a public agency which many foreign diplomats have visited. There is a long distance between the FDSP and the Chinese Embassy and there is virtually no exterior resemblance between the two buildings."
Equipped with a full array of the most sophisticated reconnaissance means, the U.S. could not possibly have mistaken the Embassy building for the FDSP building. While CIA director George Tennet told the US Select Committee On Intelligence that there were no flags marking the Chinese embassy, photographs show a red flag, a Red China Shield and a sign saying Embassy of the People's Republic of China in the front of the embassy compound. What's more, the sheer exactitude and accuracy of delivery of the four bombs which hit the building (one of the five didn't go off) indicates that a detailed reconnaissance of the building must have been conducted in advance, presumably in enough detail to pick up on a Chinese flag or official emblem. "It is impossible to attack a target from three different angles without careful, prior preparations," commented Liu Guangding, an academician of the Chinese Academy of Sciences (CAC) and former director of the academy's geophysics research center. A Chinese satellite expert underlined how "the resolving power of a visual imaging photo reconnaissance satellite is 0.1-0.3 meters which can clearly see tanks, jeeps and missile transport vehicles. Moreover, it can locate tents, the number of people, and license plates of motor vehicles. With such advanced reconnaissance satellites, the United States can not only obtain accurate information of its strategic and tactical targets, but also monitor any changes of its targets." This means that the US operational control staff would be viewing detailed images of the target before it was destroyed. A group of Chinese missile experts said in Beijing that the attack on the Chinese embassy in Yugoslavia by U.S.-led NATO forces was a premeditated action.
In an interview with the Xinhua News Agency, these senior experts, who have worked on missile research for dozens of years, explained how "missiles will
fly to planned targets following planned tracks," and "that when near their targets, the target coordinates will be readjusted according to the pictures sent back by cameras on the missiles."
The Chinese have also picked up on a statement made shortly after the bombing by NIMA, the mapping agency, pointing out that
in Kosovo from the embassy. Recently intelligence officials (and even a military officer with the rank of general) have been coming forward with testimonies as to why the US bombed the embassy deliberately. The Observer has been gathering evidence from various military sources ever since the bombing, and although the
have recently been criticizing the US for ordering missions outside the Nato command structure and running missions behind the back of its European allies. A French diplomat complained at the UN mission in New York that "US Air Force and intelligence services had a direct hotline to the Nato planners in Brussels. They were

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HOTIEL JUGOSIAVUA
targorn'oni Qiat ntoht
f^ESEKEM
C

America: the most powerful military-industrial complex in human history, and this was their best map
"recent news reports regarding the accuracy of NIMA maps have been inaccurate or incomplete." A source at NIMA described the 'wrong map' story as "a damned lie."
Over the past months some important officials have come forward, mostly anonymously, to reveal the truth about what exactly went on during the raid on the Belgrade embassy. But even as early as the day after the attack a US colonel responded to the episode being labeled a 'cock-up': "Bullshit. That was great targeting... we put two JDAMs down into the attache's office and took out the exact room we wanted... they [the Chinese] won't be using that place for rebro [rebroadcasting	radio
transmissions] any more, and it will have given that bastard Arkan a headache." Who is Arkan? Arkan, aka war criminal Zeljko Raznatovic indicted for organising death squads in Bosnia, suspected by Nato, who deny this, of broadcasting messages to his men
version of events these sources all seem to agree on is being emphatically denied by everyone from Madeleine Albright to Robin Cook, it is expected that more officials have yet to step forward with the truth. Rifts have also begun to emerge inside Nato between those who were innocent of the knowledge of the true nature of the target until it was hit, and those who are believed to have known all along that the Chinese embassy was being targeted. Last month a French defence ministry official said the building targeted was bombed because it had been rebroadcasting Yugoslav signals, and that the building had the grid reference of the Chinese embassy. However he emphasized the French weren't informed it was the embassy, "not one of us could ever have imagined this target could have been the embassy. It had been described to us as a communications target that would be taken out." The French have become increasingly suspicious of the US version of the facts, and
making their own selections irrespective of the joint consultation process." Another official said, "we still have an open mind, and there is still reason to believe for us that China's role and position in the Balkans could have led to an attack. [...] The possibility that the Chinese were helping the Yugoslavs in a number of vyays, including militarily, and concern among American intelligence that China had indulged in wholesale espionage against America" could have triggered the attack. After the attack, some non-US Nato staff, suspicious of the official story, tapped into the Nato targeting computer at the Combined Air Operations Centre (CAOC) at Vincenza and found the satellite grid references to locate the embassy in the right place.
One of the sources interrogated by The Observer confirmed that "the fact that it [the embassy] was an operating base for Arkan, an indicted war criminal, was something that convinced the Americans to strike. Had it just
been a rebro transmitter for the Yugoslav Army they might have stayed their hand." Another European senior officer showed how the target figured on a 'banned list' of targets which need approval from the US Commander-in-Chief, Mr Clinton, to have it designated as a target.
In his statement Pickering alluded to other explanatory theories of the bombing, including the existence of one person or a group of people working in the US government who would have conspired to subvert US-China relations, "or who may have concluded that China was too friendly to Belgrade or that the Embassy was playing some role in assisting Belgrade." One Nato intelligence officer said the aim of the attack was "to send a clear message to Milosevic that he should not use outside help in the shape of the Chinese." Another theory put forward, probably more attractive to the Americans than the current theory, is that the bombing of the Chinese embassy was a genuine mistake, only that it was the result of misinformation provided by false Yugoslav informants'on the ground. Nato has occasionally relied on local sources of information, and the Serbs could have intentionally provided the Chinese embassy's coordinates as the location of a rebro to the Americans, via a false informant, in an effort to undermine any potential coming together of Nato and China over the Yugoslav situation. Similar theories abounded to explain how Nato bombers could have attacked a trail of refugees earlier in the year.
However,	whichevec
explanation ends up being the correct version of events, it is becoming increasingly apparent that the US official report is nothing more than a cover-up story.
Endnote: Ex gratia payments
In his statement to the Chinese government, Pickering stated that in recognition of the special status of the diplomatic pefeonnel who were affected by the bombing, "the United States wishes to offer immediate ex gratia payments to those individuals who were injured in the bombing and to the families of those killed, based on current experience internationally for the scale of such payments. As for the damage to the embassy property in Belgrade, this is clearly a more complicated question. There is also the question of damage suffered by U.S. diplomatic and consular facilities in China in early May due to attacks by demonstrators." .
sinternational
TheBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
12
CHATTING TO
Marieke Beeuwkes and Divya Srivistava, news officers of the Grimshaw International Relations Club committee get up close and personal with Benazir Bhutto, former Prime Minister of Pakistan,
chair of the Pakistan People's Party
On the 17th of February, the former Prime Minister of Pal<istan and current chair of the Pakistan People's Party, Benazir Bhutto, spoke on 'Prospects for Democracy in Pakistan' at the LSE. The lecture, which commenced at approximately 6:30 pm in the New Theatre, was organised and hosted by the Grimshaw International Relations Club. The event drew an incredible audience of almost 400. Considering the controversial nature of the event and the formidable turnout, the event went very smoothly. Following the lecture a private reception was held for Ms. Bhutto, her staff, and the committee of the Grimshaw Club. There, after graciously opening the Global Show, Ms. Bhutto granted the two news officers of the committee the chance to ask her a few questions.
How did you end up studying abroad?
BB: I was the first girl in my family who was being sent to school...and my aunts were shocked. My aunts had lived secluded lives...and they used to tell my father that you mustn't send her, if she gets an education no one will marry her, and in those days, women got married. Nowadays, women work, but in those days the role of women was to grow up in the house and rear children. So I remember hearing all these arguments, and I was not really relevant to the decision, but I loved my father and thought that he wanted the best for me so if he wanted me to go abroad then it must be good for me.
He went to Oxford as well, right?
BB: He went to Oxford, and he had also gone to America. ! first went to America. My father had gone to the west coast, and he'd tell me that in the west coast, there's so much sand and so much sun and sea, that everybody has a good degree of fun, and so he said 'I don't want to send you to the west coast where there would be too many temptations. I want to send you to the east coast, where there's so much snow and it's so cold and chilly that if you go out you'll shiver and so stay in the library and work.' So he sent me to the east coast. I did my studies
Geoffry, get your hands off my crisps, I'm talking here!
there. By the time I came to Oxford, my father had become the Prime Minister of Pakistan. Everyone at Oxford knew who I was because of my father. I loved coming to Oxford, I made a whole lot of friends in the Pakistani community and the British community and there were a lot of political clubs, and I loved the time. But people in those days were snootier, and there were some that would make unfair remarks about colour, which I hope has improved since those days in Oxford.
And so the opposition in your house never created any doubt in your mind?
BB: No, I thought he knew best for me. I used to think he had the answers for everything.
So whatever he said I thought 'that's for the best' and was quite happy to go. Only I was a shy girl, I was a little frightened that I had to cross the seas and oceans, so I said that to my father, and he said don't worry, I'll send your mother with you. Then he sent my mother to set me up.
Your time at Oxford was a 'Western' part of your life. When you're away from Pakistan, how do you maintain the Eastern part
of your identity? How do you reach out to people in Pakistan? Do you feel that the longer you are away from Pakistan the more you lose your Eastern identity?
BB: Well actually the world has changed so much, there's a very large expanded community in Europe, and so even though I lived in England, and go out with my British friends, I spend a lot of time with Pakistanis, and I stay in touch
what we, wanted to do in terms of modernity was resisted, very strongly. And people feared change, they were so used to the status
with Pakistan through the party organisation.The word goes down through the party hierarchy. When I was here in the past, it was more difficult, because decisions were
Picture: Grimshaw Club
more difficult...then it was smuggling onto aeroplanes, and now it's smuggling onto a computer in Karachi, to be sent out if it's supposed to be secret Communication has changed completely. There are times when I really want to be less traditional, but I find it very hard, because everybody now knows who I am, so sometimes I long for anonymity and privacy. I remember the old saying when I was young that the grass is always greener on the oth^er side.
Do you feel that during your career in politics any of the criticisms aimed at you have been based on sexism?
BB: Very much so. The attack on my husband is so vicious that I often think he was being attacked for not being a traditional man. Traditional men think that their wives are property, that they're not independent, and keep them out of the decisions. So the traditionalists blamed my husband for not keeping me behind bars or behind the four walls of the house...and they said that we must be having a dishonourable marriage. My opposition used this against me, knowing that it would appeal to the traditionalists, that he's not a good
man, he must be doing something wrong to let his wife work. So this kind of sexism is very difficult - the demonisation of my husband. And I'm an independent woman, I don't listen to him, and he is an independent man, he doesn't expect me to listen. When we come back to the house, the last thing we want to do is discuss work, we want to discuss the family, the children, what's on TV, laugh, relax and unwind.
In the newspapers there would be little incidents which I would find where because I was a woman, it was released against me, in fact on the Mosques, they used to say that she's a woman...and has to be overthrown and there's a duty for Muslims to kill her. So it was very " difficult, particularly in my first term. Even in my second term what we wanted to do in terms of modernity was resisted, very strongly. And people feared change, they were so used to the status quo. So I found that being a woman makes it so much more difficult. And I find that when I talk to my friends, in a way it's the same the world over. Women have to outperform men to be accepted.
How do you deal with it? Obviously it was upsetting you...
BB: It was very hard. We didn't know where to go or how to counter it, and then I remember talking to somebody, and I talked with this gentleman, and he said to me that it's all in your mind. Why do you take it to heart? As long as your conscience is clear, you should not bother about these things. And so i tried not to let it hurt me. But it does hurt. It does hurt because of the fear...I feel I've been victimised, my husband has been victimised, for four years. That's a long time. He's been kept behind bars, and he almost died under police torture. So I just find...where is the humanity and the justice? And then I realised that I mustn't look to the detractors, I must look at all the supporters too, because it is in their love, it is their love that gives me the strength. My faith and the love of my supporters. So many people came to the lecture at the LSE and that really enforces my strength and helps me go on. And it's like that wherever I go. Huge crowds turn out, and 1 draw strength from that crowd's


Going the Distance
How far can the Green Mile so? AKHIL PATEL FINDS OUT...
It's a formula that's worked before: Frank Darabont writing and directing an adaptation of a Stephen King supernatural period piece set in prison. And like its predecessor, The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile should keep most viewers engrossed for its three-hour-plus length. But the film's powerful invocation of racial stereotypes will leave some viewers talking about the film long after it's over.
The movie begins 1n an old-age home, where an elderly man is overcome by emotion while watching a Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers movie. It reminds him about his days as a prison guard, he tells a friend, and relates the story through a flashback
that comprises the rest of the film. Seen now as a young man played by Tom Hanks, Paul Edgecomb is the head guard on death row at Cold Mountain Penitentiary in the Depression-era South. Death row is called the "Last Mile" in some prisons; here it's called the "Green Mile" because the floor is the colour of "faded limes." As the story begins, Edgecomb is suffering from an acute urinary" infection. It's painful -- like "pissin' razor blades," he says.
Edgecomb oversees the arrival of a new inmate on the Green Mile, a giant of a black man named John Coffey (Michael Clarke Duncan). Coffey is easily seven feet tall, but despite his menacing stature, he is meek and childlike, soft-spoken, naive, even afraid of the dark.
Though seemingly harmless, the crimes he has been convicted of are heinous: the rape and murder of two young girls. Edgecomb begins to wonder whether this gentle giant really committed the crimes. However, despite initial appearances, The Creen Mile is not a story about one white man's crusade to save the life of an innocent black man. There are some powerful Stephen King wrinkles as the film lurches somewhat unexpectedly into the realm of the supernatural. And then there's the mouse. Likeable and unusually intelligent this mouse can fetch it becomes a sort of death row mascot, another odd touch that is also key to the story.
The film also delves into the procedures of death row, especially the electrocution at. the end, one sees rehearsals of the film and- also numerous electrocutions in detail, these are pivotal parts of the film and
also the host to the most horrific scene one can remember, the result of a sadistic prison guard that Hollywood loves to see. even this element however is given the Stephen King twist,
making it a refreshing look back at an old theme.
These gruesome details accent the film's odd twist on convention the prison guards are the heroes of the story.
Despite their death dealing,
they are likeable and sympathetic. "You'll be fine.
You'll do fine," Edgecomb tells one fearful inmate just before his execution.
The story unfolds its fantasy gently to an emotional yet gratifying end with numerous plot developments along the way to keep you enthused. Definitely on par with Shawshank but very different I recommend this film as a must.
The Green Mile is out now.
RATING ÙjÙjÙjÙjÙj
Sex: 3/10 Violence: 5/10



m,- .-7 Ùq \
WIN FREE TICKETS
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HAROLD SMITH?
'W1
^hatever happened to Harold Smith' was one of the hits at this years London Film Festival. It is a romantic comedy in whichpunk and disco collide in unpredictable fashion.
Set in the late 70s Eighteen year old Vince Smith is obsessed with disco, until his world turns
upside down when he falls in love with an exotic punk, not realising she is Joanna (Laura Fraser), his workmate in a solicitors office. In the meantime, Vince's father Harold (Tom Courtenay) passes his retirement in front of the television, being ignored by his still glamorous wife Irene (Lulu) who prefers the company of younger men. One Christmas day, Harold reaveals an unlikely knack for perfoming miraculous tricks catapulting him reluctantly into the limelight and changing all their lives forever...
Look, to be honest I really know bugger all about this film apart from the production stuff they've sent me (I just copied that into the last two paras). It might be crap, jj; probably will be crap in fact. But hey, it might not be and if you don't enter you'll never know. Plus since so few people enter these things anyway if you do actually bother to enter you'll almost definitely win! So here's the questions;
1.	The film's lead Vince Smith is played by Michael Legge, what film with an Irish connection has he recently starred in?
a)The	Commitments
b)The	Crying Game
c)	Angela's Ashes
2.From	which famous film starring John Travolta are Vince and his co-star (on the right) striking a pose?
a)Pulp Fiction
b)The	Monkeys
c)Saturday	Night Fever.
Clfarly piss easy questions so what are you waiting for? Send Entries on a postcard to The Beaver Newspaper, Houghton St, WC2A 2AE or just deliver them by hand to our office in the basement of the Clare Market building. - Include your name and e-mail address. The Screening will take placeon the 25th Feb at the UCI Plaza. We will notifyl all winners by e-mail one week before the screening.
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey ... ^Stayin' Alive


HOT NEW TALENT
SHUMI O'BRASKY MEETS THE TALENTED MR RIPLEY
This is a classic! A classic in the making! Everybody ought to see this one, with the exception of those out there that think a movie v^ithout action is worthless (in that case, don't go, you'll be extremely bored). The script is extremely entertaining. It has to be said the director, Anthony Minghella (Well known for The English Patient) has done a remarkable job.
In a nutshell, this guy played by Matt Damon helps out a friend who broke his arm by replacing him in playing the piano at this rich New York party. The rich man who threw the party notices the Princeton jacket Damon is wearing (you know, the university, one of the best ones in America, well I guess nothing is better known than the LSE right) and asks him whether he knows his son who also graduated from Princeton. The fake Mr. Ripley, lying, says he does. Later, the father proposes to him a deal: my son is in Italy and doesn't want to return to the States; bring him back, lill pay you $1000 to go. And so he does, leaving his crappy life in NYC for the high life in acting to be a Princeton grad.
The
acting
phenomenal. Matt Damon was born for his role. And Jude Law and Gate Blanchett play their parts superbly. Though the Academy, was more impressed by Gwyneth Paltrow who was also excellent.
This movie truly captures the era of the 50s. White guys with money enjoying every second of their family's wealth; at times pretending to go down to the regular people, but then quickly returning to their never ending summer camp. Apart from the first ten minutes, the entire two-and-a half hours of film was shot on location in .Italy.
It is rather difficult to point out the flaws in this movie. The real blow to Anthony Minghella became known the
w



1 I


m

same day 1 went to see tne film, after which he spoke about it. He was very disappointed (and rather pissed off) that the film got only one Oscar nomination, while American Beauty and The Sixth Sense sot

hundreds.
He had a good case.
This was a real quality film, certainly
toppling the
questionable Sixth Sense.
Well everybody, prove to yourself that you piss all over the Academy, the Oscars, and the Hollywood nonsense. (I don't recall Trainspotting winning any Oscars) This is movie is well worth seeing!
The Talented Mr Ripley is out now.
RATING ÙjÙjÙjÙjÙj
Sex: 2/10 Violence: 2/10
STYLE
Shopping : Anywhere but Here
Okay, so its like as far from Christmas as possible, and still Oxford Street is busy. Not only buzy. Busy I can deal with. It is also hot, polluted, noisy and frantic. It's this combination of everything that is wrong with humanity that makes shopping on Oxford Street such a uniquely depressing experience.
Its not only that one experiences the pit of humanity on this desparate street. Lets look at the architecture for a moment. Although on a municipal car park grey, pebble dashed concrete might be attractive, on London's main branch of Debenhams it is insulting. I mean really, what where they thinking?
Amongst the other high parts of shopping on Oxford Street are the numerous leafletters and street hawkers. What could be nicer after forcing your way through the unwashed masses of Oxford Street than a lovely hot dog, lovingly and delicately prepared. Oxford Street offers
Top Places to Shop in London
1 .Portobello Road {Notting Hill Gate) 2. King's Road {Sloane Square) 3. Brick Lane Market {Brixton) 4.Covent Garden (Covent Garden) 5.South IViolton Street {Bond Street)

6. Higli Street Kensington
7. Carnaby Street {Tottenham Court Rd.)
8. Marleybone St. {Bond Street)
9. Sloane St. {Knightsbridge)
10. Spitaifields Market
the height in culinary expertise. One is almost spoilt for choice between street sold pizzas, McDonalds or Kentucky Fried Chicken.
And if you eaten your fill and want to get down to the real business of shopping, what delights await you on this famous street.
Well, after passing the ninth branch of C&A you start to realise that Oxford Street is simply a huge, metropolitan version of any English high street. Multiplied, and extended.
What the shopper will find in this veritable shoppers paridise is passage out of here. Close by are the much more exciting shopping zones in Carnaby Street, Bond Street. And one quick leap on to a bus or tube brings one to salubrious High Street Kensington, Brick Lane Market, Sloane Street and Notting Hill.
Shop to your heart's content, my little dahlings, but remember, you don't have to stay on Oxford Street... there's a whole world out there.
BROADWICK I STREErWI Ùq
ElWOf.WfSMINat?
soE
Shailini Ghelani is a women with a problem. She has measured out her life in tissue paper parcels and sturdy laminated shopping bags. In short, true shoppers are not born, but painfully created.
And Shailini's mission to bring Beaver readers the latest and best shopping information has been made all the more difficult. The cause; the crumbling Tube system has forced Oxford Circus Station into the realm of commuter chaos. And Shailini is one girl not prepared to brush Gucci girded shoulders with the huddled masses.
So what can a girl do. The readers of the LSE demand the inside knowledge of the fashion world that requires first hand experience. The solution, phone some fabulous friends from the

fashion fraternity. As soon as she set her mind to this thankless task the phones at Cosmopolitan House werfi ringing. Following her success she moved on, evading one by one the impregnable receptionists of the fashion press. Tattler, FHM, The Times Style Magazine, and Elle.
The result is a shopping guide to be proud of. Never again must the student body of the LSE tread the thankless pavements of Oxford Street. We can break through to brave, new pastures.
Featured in the following article is the pick of the Metropolis' shopping districts. All are accessible by public transport: most are within walking distance of the LSE. So what's your excuse? Get Shopping!
STYLE
Shaiini Ghelani
goes on a roving, whistle-stop tour of London's- most fabulous shopping districts. See you there, dahlings!
We all know and love the main shopping areas of London, but as manky escalators prevent the masses form alighting at Oxford Circus those of us desperate for a shopping kick will have to find other methods of flexing the plastic. So just to help you burn that loan I've got in touch with my fash pack mates (!?!) to get them to recommend some less stressful areas of this wonderful city just so you lovely people are not deprived of plastic power.
There were many places that those in 'the know' seem to love but might stretch the student loan slightly, but this is the LSEI Charlie Anderson, Fashion Assistant at Tatler Magazine speaks highly of Browns on South Molton Street. This little street is a little Oasis of calm, just off Oxford Street greatly dominated by Browns who have shops selling designer gear, cosmetics as well as a Sale Shop. Yes that's right a shop that sells designer gear at sale prices all year around! South tvlolton Street also boasts some shops from the High Street such as Dune and Nine West for shoes and Monsoon and Karen Millen for clothes. Getting there from the LSE is simple, just take the central line from Holborn to Bond-Street. Out of the tube station and its just outside. But be careful, blink and you'll miss it. For those of you that fancy something more alternative try Soho. If you can make it past the bars a whole world of alternative shopping awaits you. For the alternative designer shop try Pineale (pronounced Penal Eye) on Berwick Street. Vexed Generation and Shop are also favoured by the local funcky ones. Carnaby Street has also just been rejuvnated so now, as well as boasting the old retro favourites, the street has has now gone slightly commercial and offers a quieter alternative to Oxford Street. From the LSE, those of you that are keen can walk through Covent Garden, otherwise take a tube to Tottenham Court Road and turn into Soho Square and ask directions or if you're feeling adventerous just go exploring.
An up and coming area suggested by none other than Deputy Editor of this fine publication and fully endorsed by Cosmopolitan magazine is Marleybone High Street. To gain the full benefits of this newly funked up shopping area you'd better rush before the masses find out as it is tucked away behind Oxford Street. Marleybone High Street, is home to funky little outlets like 66 and Agnes B as well as relatively unknown outlets such as Ronit Zilkha. The nearest tube Bond Street.
High Street Kensington is a personal fave shopping destination of mine. It successfully mixes the High Street with the labels, but most importantly it is the home of Urban Outfitters. If you have not yet been to. this shop then make it your sole objective for today to check out this heaven of everything. This delicious shop contains alternative cosmetic brands such as Tony and Tina who
make wicked St. Johns Wort soothing lipstick, this apparently has relaxing qualities (well I fell for it anyway). Urban Outfitters sells almost anything that you could possibly want to buy including magic 8 balls. The only problem with High Street Ken is getting there. My almost every attempt has at some point led me to Earls Court, but for a successful trip go to Temple station and only board a tube that is marked circle line via High street Kensington.
For those of you willing to venture east Brick Lane market in Brixton is favoured heavily by those in the know. Mark O' Connor, assitant fashion editor at FHM magazine recommends it but warns that it has been victim to price inflation. This is true for any shopping area heavily publicised by Time Out! To get to Brixton go to Temple and change at Victoria onto the Victora line or take a mainline service. This departs from Victora as w.ell.
m

Angela Gokani-Brasier from Sunday Times STYLE named Harvey Nichols (sweddie) as one of her faves. Lots of things under one roof, but take note that the average student budget may not finance a trop here, although the cosmetics department on the ground floor is lovely and has all the top brands. Ms Brasier is also a fan of Aurum jewellery, an exhibition where you can buy individul, hand made accessories. Harvey Nichols is just outside Knightsbridge tube station (not the Harrods exit) and Aurum is on England Lane, you can call them on 0171 586 8656.
A fave of the fash pack is Portobello Road market. This was suggested by Angela Gokani-Brasier, Kristen Akerbad, fashion assistant at Cosmopoltan, Marie Clare (yes that's her real name!) who works for Elle. The Portobello Road combines the ecelectic and alternative. It's a must for bargain hunters, being home to many a sale shop, and those who love boho chic. What's more, turn up at the right time and you might spot the odd celeb. I can personally claim to have literally bumped into Sophie Dahl! (for those of you that care.) The quickest route to Portobello Road is to take the central line to Netting Hill Gate and then follow the signs.
Mr 0' Connor also recommends Selfrldges the slightly more expensive sister of TopShop. For all you girlies out there I strongly recommend Selfridges for bra buying. The department on the second floor has all the main brands as well as more expensive style. The customer service i$ superb and they also wrap them badly! The nerest tube is Bond Street. ^
Havva Mustafa at Sleaze Nation provided a list of places for the alternative shopper. Those living in Manor House/Turnpike Lane area will be pleased to hear that you can get some retail therapy on your way home by stopping off at HoUoway Road Market. Simple just alight at Holloway Road and spend away! Ca'mberwell Road is also good for those who love rummaging in charity shops. Other markets that you may like to know about are Chapel Street and Seven Sisters Road. 1 don't have the the exact tube stops but v^ould guess suggest that you alight at Seven Sisters on the Victoria line.
Those of you heading for careers in the city should take note now! Spitalfields market is recommended by Elle as an up and coming shopping area. Located in the city, you can rest assured that if you venture down on a weekend there will be no annoying people to contend with.
Last but definetely not least is a place very close to us, yes that's right it's Covent Garden. For the ultimate in between lecture shopping spree head for this haven which is approximately^ a six minute walk away (yes, I did time it). Now that the Royal Opera House is complete many more shops have opened here. There is also a craft market and a more traditional market selling lots of wierd and wonderful stuff. However do not be fooled into thinking that the market is cheaper than the high street in all cases. To get to Covent Garden cross the road and walk past Whistle Down the Wind. Go up the street next to the musical and turn left. Simple.
MUSIC
AMERICAN BEAUTY
Lambchop
Nixon
Lambchop is the kind of band I've been dreaming of for ages. The perfect synthesis of country and soul music, two genres that represent the truly heterogeneous nature of America. At first you might think they are contradictory, but you would be wrong to think so. Lush,
despair,
love,
violence.
The City Vs The Country,
the New Frontier,
politics and racism are themes that are present in both genres, and often dealt with in the same musical way. Languid, heartbreaking songs that crawl up your spine and infect your brain. In that sense calling the album Nixon and composing it with that reference in mind was smart since this man was in office at the time when the United States were experiencing some of the most crucial transformations one could imagine. The key
is that Lambchop have managed to make their string arrangements sound as if they had been there all along. Their music has the same majesty , the same depth that could be found on Mercury Rev's last album, but their lyrics are better. Dark, intense, insightful and cruelly funny they show the self derision and awareness that make masterpieces. This album is like a great bottle of Bordeaux, you mustn't drink it too quickly otherwise you miss all the flavours. Take your time while your listening to this gem from Nashville, there's no hurry. PS: Since Lambchop gives its selection of suggested readings on the Nixon era, my only advice is to read "The Great Shark Hunt Vol 1&2" By Hunter S. Thomson. It gives a
different angle.
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Sebastian Aubert
DEATH BECOMES HER
Death in Vegas
@ The Forum
Ping! Pong! Say the projections, sadly I'm unable to understand a word of what this support band are trying to shout through their mikes, but it's quite funny to watch, as three girls (possibly two and one really effeminate bloke) give it pure attitude on stage. The next filler was some incredibly cool reggae DJ which led to the conclusion that all reggae sounds great if you play it loud enough and slam the bass up. The overly excited DJ promises us a DiV appearance soon,
following this record, just coming up, after this tune...
Finally they appear in all their glory,
with Richard Fearless and Tim Holmes climbing the pirate flag covered decks to play their funky music - white boys that they are.
DiV sounds are a mix up of rock, reggae, industrial infused dance with weird vocals. Always surprising first timers as they are a real BAND, not just one bloke and a big machine out of a sci-fi movie; they've got drums, horns, bass, guitar and even a slaphead that has a multipurpose function of playing the keyboards and that kazoo-organ toy we all had when we were

w
SINGLE
Chicane featuring Bryan Adatns
Don't Give Up Pretty awful stuff: aerobics/'stefj' music in the background, while A(|gms sings the most inÙgne lyrics since ? Aqua..."Don't give
up____gotta do what you wanna
do..." Is Adams trying to do a 'Madonna transformation" to make himself hip? Who knows? One thing's cf^rtain, though: this one ain't happening.
1/10 RM
Coldplay
Shiver
The "new-Radiohead" fulfill more Radiohead fans' yearnings; for some of that Radiohead sound as we wait for Radiohead's fourth album. "Shiver" is another very Radidhead-esque song of Yorke-style stirring vocals, Greenwood-style riffs and the bald guy-style di|imming. Like Radiohead really
But that's no,L a bad tWng, more Radiohead please.
' insm tj
Breakbe^tCra
BuUitproof "Bullitproof" is aimed at the, 'tre'hdy hair salonJ^d lounge, not at the dance floor. HeayiAy syncopated breakbeats and many drum-less intervals would make for awkward dancing, whilst subtly placed screeches, beeps, and other miscellaneous sound effects are obviousty; there to be admired at civilised low volume and bass settings. If manic breakbeats are your preferred mode of easy tlstening, this one's for you. If not, proceed with caution.
6/10 LB
Yomanda
Sunshine This tune is co-produced by the fec-LSEiLaw graduate Jfudge Jules and is instantly reminiscent of fluffy bras, glowsticks.and bad Mitsis. It's cack. Too cheesy for his Gatecrasher crowd it'll be played by, 'Dangerous"'pave
Pearce for week before disappearing-iiito the shady world of provincial riightclubbing...be warned <.
3/10 DC
Brassy
Worfc It Out The story .goes...Debbie Harry in a fit of pre-menopausal frustration raids a drugstore and, after making off with a years supply of Benzredine and Viagra, happens upon Jon Spencer and his Blues Explosion making a. racket in a nearby garage. Carnage ensues and Brassy Crawl from the wreckage.' In the words of JS, Brassy 'fuck shit up' big time. _ Kickass.
9/10 DC
The Animalhouse
Animal
Until now I was unaware that 3rd Floar Rosebery Hall had released a record, but here it is. Featuring old members of Ride not so lucky to get spots in Oasis"Animal" is initially impressive but ultimately a bit annoying. Roick it may be, arse it most/certainly is. A
musical haunted house about as frightening as Compo from Last of theSummer Wine.
4/10
Ùq	CJ
Hpneyz
Won't Take It Lying Down
T.
After laughing at this unfortunate double entendre for a good six days 1 finally composed myself to listen to the disc. No surprises really, more soully than the normal RnB wank it still failed to provide anything resembling decent music. The enhanced CD video is also shit.
2/10 CJ
young. First up is a recorded-vocal version of Dirge. DiV dredged the military film archives for this one -expanding their 'soldier-type-blokes marching' projection, to 'International armies and lots of them' projections. Their "latest single Aisha with Iggy Pop started up and crowd waited with baited breath. Was the master going to honour us with his presence? A podgy bloke in a balaclava bounces onto the side of the stage - but no.
ALBUM ROUND-UP
The For Carnation
Empowered Mans Blues
it's just a podgy bloke in a balaclava thinking he's really funny pretending to be iggy Pop. Oh well. With no live singers to help them out, they shortened their tracks and pretty much remixed their albums, creating a fantastic rendition of Soul Auctioneer minus Bobby Gillespie and brought new life to classics like Dirt. Bassey grooves with familiar funky projections made the atmosphere amazing leaving the chilled out/stoned crowd calling for more.
Linda Morris
This mini-album by Washington post-rockers	features
contributions from members of Tortoise and Slint. The For Carnation seem to think a 30 bpm drum beat and two augmented fifth chords - read 'jazz' - featuring a guy who looks more like a chemical engineer than a dead heartbroken murderer whispering about 'his woman' makes good music. Dull, monotonous, pretentious, boring and rude.
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Mira Calix
OneOnOne Drums clatter and skid across deep sub-bass rumbles while disjointed voices mutter inaudibly. Lacking the tunage of previous Warp Records acts such as Aphex Twin, OneOnOne has a somewhat generic feel to it-. Mira Calix exemplifies the drawback of genre-specific labels. It's not a bad album, the opening wash of feedback and white-noise does have an exhilarating beauty but it never really breaks the mould.If you're new to the Warp sound go out and buy last years 'Warp Classics' compilation -that is quality.
DC
Gintare
Earthless Whilst Iceland's Bjork is mostly influenced by Massive Attack and the Bristol scene, Gintare also embraces Enya and especially Craig Armstrong. This leads to an album with an exquisite atmosphere, where her voice functions more as if an instrument or background sound' and not as an attention seeking entity. All the songs in Earthless display a rare melodic maturity that few musicians achieve on their first album (or in subsequent ones for that matter). However, what makes EarthlesS> an excellent album rather than just a good one, is the fact that it is so homogeneous. When you play it, you apprehend an atmosphere, you listen to feelings and emotions, not just to an assembly of songs. This album comes out on March 13th and, like single "Guilty", already playing on hip-hop radio, is strongly recommended. In short, music to make love to.
RV
MUSIC
NEWS
STUDENT RADIO CHARTS
1	All Saints - Pure Shores
2	Moby - Natural Blues
3	Death In Vegas - Aisha
4	Eels - Mr E's Beautiful Blues
5	R.E.M. - The Great Beyond
6	Oasis - Go Let It Out
7	Air - Playground Love
8	Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
- Poodle Rockin'
9	Beliatrix
- The Girl With Sparkling Eyes
10	Asian Dub Foundation
SIBLING REVELRY
Andrew Swann blesses us ail with his opinon of the long awaited album from the Gods of All Things Britpop. and Beatles-esque, Oasis
- Real Great Britain LENNON IS LENINIST As anyone not in a state of alcohol induced coma the last week could not fail to hear about the allegations, rumoured to be contained in an MIS file, that John Lennon funded Trotskyist groups and Marxist magazines as well as supporting the IRA. This news may therefore come as something of a surprise to most of the LSE students I know. More interesting though is the FBI file containing information on one of Lennon's friends who had a pet parrot who said "right on" at certain points in conversation. I bet the Pentagon was absolutely bricking it at the prospect of a parrot-led revolution.
JAY-Z PLEADS NOT GUILTY
Rapper Jay-Z was last week pleading his innocence tb a New York courtroom following the assault charges brought against him for the double stabbing of Lance "Un" Rivera at the Kit Kat Club in NY last December. Rumours that the stabbing was the result of an argument as to whether two or four fingers were the industry standard for one person wishing to take a break and take a "Kit Kat" are so far unconfirmed.
Oasis
Standing on the Shoulder of Giants
rou've seen the hype, you know the story; so here we go again then? No. Put it in context. Five unemployed blokes from Burnage, one massive debut album in 1994's 'Definitely Maybe' and huge media acclaim. Suddenly; drummer sacked after brawl with lead singer Liam, replaced by trained drummer (Alan White). Then: Britpop, Blur wars, huge interest from all corners of the globe. Bring on the cocaine, the lethargy, the arrests, the debauchery, the punch ups, Knebworth, a debacle of a third album a997's 'Be Here No\v'), and the scene is set.
o, where did it all go L wrong? Answer: it didn't. 'Somewhere between 1997 and today, via the edge of the abyss, it all turned round. Oasis are the only real rock and roll stars of our generation. The 60's had the Stones and the Beatles; by the 70's Led Zep and media furore every time Moon the loon threw a TV from a hotel window. Then came the 80's and rock and roll sterility. Suddenly from nowhere, off the back of the baggy revolution came a classic rags to riches story. A bunch of drug taking,
swearing,
free speaking,
spitting,
fighting kids from the streets. With comments such as claims to be bigger than God, notoriety was guaranteed. Oh yes, then there were the songs. Classic rock and roll tunes which the people could initially emphasise with. Then of course tradition called and it
was an abandonment of values followed by either self-destruction, obscurity, or reinvention.
Ùq'Si
tanding on the Shoulder of 'G i ant s ' thankfully, is the reinvention they needed. Since the completion of this fourth studio album, the boys have lost their bassist and rhythm guitarist. Both Bonehead and Guigsy left after completing an album where they were scarcely necessary as Noel reportedly played all the bass and guitar parts. Not a crisis as the media suggested at the time, but a turning point. In came Gem Archer oi" Heavy Stereo and Andy Bell of Ride and latterly Hurricane #1, two of the last decade's most talented guitarists. All of the sudden Oasis looked the part, a mean bunch of real rock musicians. As their recent cover of the Who's 'My Generation' showed (their first work together), they sound the part too. Even so, does the album reflect a pre-jemptive switch to the new super group status?
0:
R
eleased on their own label Big Brother after ,the collapse of Creation,
f course it does. Never jbeing one's to let us down, the voice of a generation have returned with an album that will not only p I e a s e fans of the raw d e b u t album, but also those looking for a new direction. Gone is the string-laden
overproduction of tracks like 'All Around the World.' Yes, this is a return to roots. That said, it is by no means back to basics. It is a darker, more honest album; a musical step forward but their most indie release since the start.
the only way to do It justice is look at it track by track. Standing at a mere ten tracks spread over less than fifty minutes, there is no shortage of media to take in. Gone are the drawn out eleven-minute affairs, in are the short sharp numbers which make five minuies go like a second and your day seem inconsequent.
Starting with 'Fuckin' in the Bushes,' the boys let rip. An instrumental, sample laden track, this may be a look to the future, much like 'D'you know what I mean' was in 1997. Quick and heavy, it is indeed 'mce...beautiful.' How could ydtT |o wrong with Isle of Wight festival samples such as 'Kids running around; they've been fucking in the bushes'?
Next comes the recent number one single, 'Go let it out' which to be frank, if you haven't heard, you won't be reading this. Then the next single, 'Who Feels Love'' sees in a sentimental mood which continues in the main throughout the album. Laced with Beatles influenced effects and (what becomes a universal) brilliant vocal
performance from Liam. 'Put Yer Money where Yer Mouth is' moves up a gear, then comes track five.
ittle Jame is' was written by Liam for hiis step son. Sounding slightly (but not overly) Hey Jude-esque, it contains the immortal lines 'Have you ever played w i t h plastercine, or even tried a trampoline?' Monumental. 'Gas Panic' is a fantastic cry for help from Noel as cocaine related chest pains set in, and is followed by the equally honest 'Where did it all go wrong?' This was originaUy going to be the title track before the two-pound coin-related one was chosen.
'Sunday Morning Call' sees a beautifully melancholy vocal performance from Noel and is one of the standout tracks, whilst 'I Can See a Liar' is a typical Oasis rock out. With the anthemic better than 'Champagne Supernova' finale of 'Roll it Over,' we close the book on the latest masterpiece.
This is a darker, more reflective album and is definitely a move in the right direction. A creative step forward, it holds on to the Oasis legacy^ whilst showing a new, grown up, but more importantly serious rock and roll outfit. They are definitely here to stay. No matter how fashionable it is to slag them off or slate rock and roll, there is no denying that, as always, Oasis are at the forefront of the rock and roll revolution. Job's a good 'un, go get it in.
ÙjÙjÙjÙjÙj
Out Feb 28th on 6/g Brother.
MUSIC
SIX APPEAL
Groop Dogdrill
Every Six Seconds
Groop Dogdrill, you dirty, dirty boys. We know that sex is what literally makes the world go around, we know that it's fun as well as necessary, but the Drill have managed to dedicate a whole album to the very un-Christian act and entitled it after how often the average male thinks about sex. Do we shout at them in disgust or have a laff along with them?
The latter, I imagine.
Should you require convincing, their titles include 'Low Sperm Count',
'The Best Sex in Texas and my favourite 'On Me Not In Me', with a refrain of 'Shut your mouth and pull your pants down'.
stuff.
And far from being obsessive, the concept of the album perhaps was made to fit in with the sound. As far as hillbilly/jazzy/incredibly heavy rock goes, this album is extraordinarily sexy. With big, low booming bass that would make Girls Against Boys jealous, the trashiness of the album is meticulously performed. It's a definite 'grower', although the potential singles are easy to spot. 'The Best Sex in Texas' is rather like former single 'Gracelands', with an overemphasised bass and gorgeous unrefined vocals spewing out a melody that would win the All Saints a Brit Award if they did it properly.

Brilliant
And lead track 'Head of Safety' is by far the most user-friendly song on the album; from the moment it starts, its urgency is hardly veiled and with a burst of energy that is its chorus, it couldn't be the highlight of the album more if it were scribbled on with a Steadier.
However, this album is not designed to be a continuation of their first album, 'Half Nelson'; the Drill have the sense to know they cannot surpass their debut. There is indeed no major moshpit-fillers like 'Oily Rag' and 'Lovely Skin',* but there is a distinct impression that this album is mainly for listening to and appreciating, not for an excuse to aimlessly nod your head.
A must for every fan, but should you be new to the Groop Dogdrill experience, it may be an idea to ease yourself into their world by checking out the more accessible 'Half-Nelson' first.
ÙjÙjÙjÙjÙi
Shilpa Ganatra
Ginsters Food Snacks	
ÙjÙjÙjÙjÙj	Chicken Tikka Wrap
ÙjÙjÙjÙjÙi	Cornish Pasty
ÙjÙjÙjÙiÙi	Scotch Egg
ÙjÙjÙiÙiÙi	Cheese fitOnion Pasty
ÙjÙiÙiÙiÙi	Peppered Steak Slice
BORN TO BE WILDER
Recoil
in time away from the Met Bar former Depeche Mode man Alan Wildems to have had time to record a new album. The result is a cleverly crafted, dark and brooding collection, very much in line with its predecessor, the eritkally acclaimed 'Unsound Methods', in its aural density and use of film imagery and atmospherics.
Creating a confrontational and ernotive symphony, Wilder uses the whole sonic vocabulary of jazz, trance, gospel, classical, ambient, thrash, street poetry and natural sound effects, conducting these into a theatrical/cinematic narrative. For this purpose, he enlists a couple of spdken-word artists as in the former album.
'Black Box*
starts the album with the sound of rewinding and f 0 rwa rd i nÙg
tape, and slowly builds up in intensity as the narrative settles in the picture. You can feel the sense of urgency in the background siren wails. Want' and 'Breath Control' capture the icy chill and quasi-sci-fi erotica of 'Luscious
Apparatus'. For the prudest among you, well they're basically an electro-stomp of obsession and subservience gone awry. The music is ambient and has a defined groove that entices the listener and embellishes Nicole Blackman's extremely sensual spoken-word vocals.
'Jezebel' is by far the most compelling of pieces on this album. With its lush trip-hop beats and semi-mystical tone, it is the pinnacle of Wilder's experimentation with several types of music.
However, it is 'Black Box (Pt. 2)' that captures the quintessence of Wilder's opus. With the background sound of falling rain and of deep intense human breaths, the orchestral
_________ arrangements he
sets up reaches a tragic intensity only matched by Georges Delerue's 'Adagio for Strings' in 'Platoon'. More cerebral than Depeche Mode, less mechanical and angst-driven than Trent Reznor's earlier works, Wilder's 'Liquid' is yet another soundtrack-without-a-film. it is brooding, provocative, tough and ambient, and it has the drama of a David Lynch movie,
Vic Rattlehead
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THEATRE
A BUTTERFLY ROAAANCE
Sad, unrequited love is the poignant story of a young Japanese girl, Cio-Cio-San who marries a US Navy Lieutenant, in what is said to be the Italian , Puccini's biggest and most ambitious opera, Madam Butterfly.
Set in a house in the outskirts of Nagasaki, the creator of this work traces the bitter-sweet mixture of hope and despair that envelops his heroine as her new husband marries her frivolously out of loneliness and then leaves her behind for America, waiting for his return.
Madam Butterfly gives up her religion and becomes a Christian upon her marriage to Pinkerton. She is disowned by her uncle, also a Shinto priest, as well as her other relatives.
After her husband's departure, soon after the wedding, she lives in a world of anxious waiting with her maid and confidante, Suzuki, and her new-born son, whose name is Sorrow, and will only be changed to Joy when his father returns. When he does finally return, he brings with him his new American wife. Madam Butterfly sees the truth that she has for so long refused to acknowledge. She accepts to give her son away to his father as he can have a better future with him in America. She then commits hara-kiri with the same dagger that her father used to commit suicide, as she can no longer live her life with honour.
The music is played with dramatic changes that reflect the changing moods of the heroine, that range from happiness, to hope, to excitement, to
Kripali Manek Madame Butterfly Royal Albert Hall 10/02
calm despair. It is also disjointed, which expresses the misunderstandings and the impossibility of the relationship between Pinkerton and his Japanese wife.
The stage set in the circular Royal Albert Hall is remarkable. A beautiful, simple Japanese house is placed in the centre of a Japanese water garden. This surrounding represents her isolated world. It is later drained in the second half to become a Zen Buddhist stone garden. There is a certain intimacy with the audience encircling the performers.
Puccini, composer of the other great operatic classics; Tosca and La Boheme, was inspired to create this opera after his viewing of a short American play by David Belasco in Covent Garden at the beginning of the last century entitled Madam Butterfly. There was a period of malaise in the music world in Italy at the time, with most of the music importance happening elsewhere in Europe. Verdi's death in 1901 seemed to add to this malaise. Puccini's Madame Butterfly filled in this gap. It was only a triumph at its 'second premiere', after having been revised, and it remains a classic till today. The artist expresses his true grief over the fate of women in this tale of the dangers of racial intermarriage through a modified form of Belasco's work; that is in a superb sequence of music. It is a deviation from ordinary drama as the story is told against dramatic music. Quite a cultural experience!
STUDENT THEATRELAND
Be warned: any trip to the Coliseum to see this compelling production is not going to have you dancing in the aisles, your soul filled with joy and laughter of an average Saturday night at the Three Tuns. It is, however, a great opportunity to witness the conversion of a difficult play into a single and, most importantly, listenable contempory opera.
The Silver Tassie is based on a dark and striking anti-war play of the same name by the Irish playwright Sean O'Casey. The story revolves around young Harry Heegan, an athletic Irish lad who, whilst on leave at home in Dublin from active service In the first world war, wins the cup - a silver tassie - for his football team. Three years later Harry returns from the trenches. Wounded in action, he is paralysed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair. But as if that isn't bad enough, he discovers that his best mate (unwounded and VC-decorated) has done the dirty on him and snaffled his "bonnie lassie"!
Much of the opera works very well, bringing out the intensity and reality of the play. However, the main stumbling block In the opera is the unusal second act - in which none of the principal
characters appear at all - when the action shifts to the Western Front depicting ghostly, shell shocked soldiers. As the act itself advanced like the soldiers, "Cold and tired, ambling and grumbling", came the only flash of comedy as loud snores emanated from an enthralled listener behind me.
Turnage uses the orchestra to its full effect, the sharp and brassy sound effecively reflecting the horrors of the war. It was a pity that for the most part the vocal writing did not match the Instrumental. Only In the final act were Individual voices allowed to break out of short dialogue Into more expressive and lyrical singing. Consequently, the most powerful moment in opera Is In this macarbe act when Harry and his blinded friend, Teddy are left to reflect at length on their plight.
The singing is superb, and it is worth going just to see Gerald Finley as Harry, who sings with great clarity and tone especially considering he spends most of the opera In a wheelchair. This Is not your average opera, which I think makes it a worthwhile and interesting night out, but, with exams on the horizon, those of you with a somewhat bleak few months ahead should perhaps look for altenative sources of entertainment.
KEEP YER MOUSE TRAPPED
Kripali Manek
Phis~^ek"s recommendation is the newly refurbished Royal Court Theatre in Stoane Square. Often the breaker of cutting edge playwight such as Sarah Kane^ Mark Ravenhill and Terry Johnston. The first production to be premiered on the virgin stage is A Dublin Carol by Conor MacPherson, the probaly very rich writer of The We/r (that play where people sit about having a pub conversation which you pay money to see). In any case, here at the Beaver we try to provide top quality entertainment for , well, not a lot really. So, if you can afford a measly lOp, yes, 10p! Then you can queue for a pair of tickets from 6pm, albeit you'll get a slightly restricted view - but still only lOp!
OPERATIC FOOTBALL WARS
Edward Millard The Silver Tassie ENO, Coliseum 24/02 - 03/03
The age-old classic, Agatha Christie's Mousetrap, which has been running in London's West End for 48 years, was brought to our very own stage by the LSE Malaysia Club last Friday.
The eight actors portrayed the mystery surrounding Mrs Boyle's murder in the snowed in Monkswell Manor guest house on a cold winters afternoon. The murderer's identity I cannot reveal, as those of us who watched it are all "part of the Mousetrap secret"!
Some	commendable
performances from Sharyn Tan Peik Mun who played the uptight Mrs Boyle, from Mohamed Omar
who played the amusing but strange Christopher Wren, and from Abdul Latiff Mohd.Salleh who stole the show in his portrayal of Mr Paravicini with his Italian accent. He carried himself across as a true Casanova.
There were some hitches during the show, such as the collapsing door In the stage set, and unfortunately the actors were sometimes conscious of the audience's reaction, which somewhat took away the tense atmosphere that should have been present. But it was no doubt a good effort by the Malaysia Club. Well done!


CLUBBING
Charts
Week ending 19.02.00
^c'6^
Blackmarket records
25 D'Arblay Street, London W1V 3FH
Top House sates
I.Soul Providers-Rise (Bini & Martini rmx) (Azuli)
Z.Billy Lo-Drop (Sculpture)
B.Julius Papp-Discofied ep (Aquarius)
4.Bim	& Martini-Happiness rmx (Azuli)
5.Romatt-Froggy'z	Congaz (Chez)
Cool Cuts chart
1.Basement	Jaxx-Bingo Bango (choo choo rmx) (XL)
2.Afro	Celt Sound System-Release (Virgin)
3.HL	Phazers-1 know (4th floor)
4.CLeptomaniacs-Funk	It Up (Ultra Vinyl)
5.Kluster-Music	Down (Filtered)
Drum and Bass
1.Bad Company-Inside the Machine (deibc)
Z.DyLan & Facs-Beartrap (Biotic)
3.Chronic	13-Chromc 13 (V)
4.Ray	keith-Something Out (UFO)
5.Aikon-Spectrum	Audio (Ghost Hunt)
6.Ed	Rush Et Optical-Medicine rmx (Virus)
7.Blue-Firewire	(Noir)
8.Underwolves-So	Blue it's Black (Peshay) (Blue Island)
9.Pharoahe	Monch-Simon Says rmx (Rawkus)
lO.Sugizo-Chemicat (White) Hip Hop/R'n'B
1.Common-The	6th Sense (MCA)
2.Craig	Mack-Wooden Horse (White) 3.Sisqo-Thong Song (Def Soul) 4.112/Total-Your Letter (Bad Boy) 5.Black Rob-Whoal (Bad Boy)
Underground
1.	Swing My Way-Swing My Way (WL)
2.Btackmarket	Present-2 Step (Azuli)
3.Reservoir	Dogs-Earth (Planet)
4.	Zed Bias-Touch Me (Sidestepper)
5.	Dub Conspiracy-Mr Big (All Good)
London Underground
Where to head this week...
Joey Negro and Nicky Holder from Toronto headline this Friday at Fridays R Firin', @ The Project, Sutton Row, W1
10-5, ?5 with flyer,otherwise ?7
Also this Friday, Faze Action play live alongside Freq Nasty, Lo Fidelity Allstars, Carl Craig, David Holmes and more at Big Beat Boutique Meets Bugged Out @ Fabric, 77a Charterhouse St., London EC1M
9-5,	?10 b4 11/ NUS, ?12 after, ?10 in advance.
And at MilkN2Sugars, hear the sounds of Miles Hollway and Elliot Eastwick joined by residents @ The Annexe, 1 Dean Street, Soho, W1
10-5,	?8 b4 12! members/NUS, ?10 after 12, ?5 after 3
I P
into th
The Undenwolves will often be labelled as a 'drum'n'bass outfit', even if only for the purposes of commercial classification by middle aged record ' company marketing executives in grey Armani suits, but insert their long awaited debut album 'Under Your Sky' into your CD player and prepare for a pleasant surprise. Alright, hold your horses, yes, the London based duo, Ned Kelly and Professor Stretch do produce drum'n'bass music, but in a musical scene heralded for its experimentation and innovation, the Underwolves uphold a now ever increasingly accepted d'n'b ideology; an ideology which states In no uncertain terms that drum'n'bass is whatever the hell you want It to be (f*ck boundaries and borders) and 'Under Your Sky' is a true testament to this with its magical fusion of d'n'b, soul, jazz, hip-hop, even reggae sounds, all amalgamating into an album which has clearly taken shit loads of effort to produce. Like drum'n'bass itself, the Underwolves dig their heels into the ground and, through their music, stubbornly refuse to be pigeonholed.
The diversity of sounds on the album reflects strongly the busy musical backgrounds of both Ned and Stretch, albeit in different sections of the UK dance music scene. Ned started out DJing about fifteen years back to the street soul sounds before progressing onto rare groove and then jazz. Stretch on the other hand, classically trained since age five, forfeited his music degree in favour of the heady heights of pirate radio. He soon after hooked up with Chad 'Hear the Drummer Get Wicked' Jackson, a beneficial meeting which culminated in Stretch's first real introduction to beats and the history and programming of soul music. He went on to form one third of hardcore trio Dub Conspiracy, scoring hits such as 'Dance Conspiracy'. At this time Ned was being blown away by drum'n'bass as it started to cross pollinate with the sounds he
was already spinning, at clubs like That's How It Is. Their paths crossed when Stretch did some programming work for a trip-hop style band, The Messengers, that Ned had fallen in with. The rest, as they say, Is history.
With early tracks such as 'Nine Lives' on Filter (1996) and their elegant remix of Bim Sherman's 'Can I Be Free From Crying', the Underwolves have been generating interest over the years that they have been producing together, and 'Under Your Sky' re-affirms their position as artists truly able to grasp the full potential of drum'n'bass. The album plays host to a truly amazing team comprising Jeb Loy Nichols, described as 'a soulful country singer', providing vocals as well as throwing his song-writing capabilities into the ring, with additional vocals provided by Madeline EdgeHill of all female reggae band ACABU and Squidly from African Headcharge.
Perhaps Krust could learn a thing or two about using
'Unexpected Days', the meeting of Africa and Asia on 'Prema Redentor' and the seductive male vocals of 'Lay Down'; if you appreciate that which is pleasing to the ear then you won't be disappointed. The chords, strings and harmonies are all there, but it isn't coffee table music by any means. And even if you do like your music a bit harder, then you can go out and get Peshay's remix of the title track which is running up the d'n'b charts and taking no prisoners nationwide.
"w:
1e want", says Professor Stretch, "to create something timeless." Whether we'll still be appreciating 'Under Your Sky' in ten years time is anybody's guess, but f*ck it, the Underwolves sound damn good now, and that's all that matters.
Under Your Sky is out at the end of March on Blue Island records
good,
distinctive and original vocalists	to
compliment your sounds, because the Underwolves hit the nail on the head in this respect. From the beautiful, lazy sounds of 'Thin' and 'Inbetween', reminiscent of the sounds Ùq. of '80s lovers rock, to the continental jazz of
CLUBBING
op
@ Bar Rumba
Friday 11th Feb.
Guest : Lenny Fontana
-Fridays from 9pm till 4am -stop- Listen to the sound of Night People and let yourself go -stop- The best in souljazzhousefunkdiscogaragehiphop presented to you by Ben and Pete from Barely Breaking Even, one of these quality labels you can only find in England-stop-Anyway, in my opinion, a place where you can hear Candido's 'Thousand finger man' and Joe Bataan's The Bottle' is like a second home-stop-Pete starts with a fine selection of house classics and hot new releases, which is ideal to down a couple drinks while you chat and get ready for that mind blowing choreography of yours-stop-Then it's Ben's turn with his awesome mix of disco and funk classics, that's gets the young and cheering student crowd onto the dancefloor-stop-Their guests have included Mateos and Matos, Dr Bob Jones and many more : the cream of the crops basically-stop-On that particular night Lenny Fontana rocked the place New York style-stop-From psychedelic disco and salsoul to his current house garage hit 'Chocolate Sensation' he showed what dance music was all about-stop-Great night, great place, cheap drinks-stop-Go there! 5/5	Sebastian Aubert
That's How It Is
@ Bar Rumba 14th Feb.
Presented as a Ladies night - a promotion aimed at getting the girls in included offering free Bacardis to the first 300 women through the door. I took no notice because I had incentive enough : Giles Peterson and Ben Wilcox playing for 5 hours. And besides, I've got a girlfriend alright!
Anyone familiar with the club will know that the Bar will eventually be documented in Club History books (wait for them!) as one of the most committed to pleasing its punters and this Valentine's was definitely no let down. Peterson warmed up the crowd with his typical special blend of world beats; playing beatifully paced Latino Jazz back to back with uptempo funk instrumental. These rhythms aroused a dance style from the Sagan that was worlds apart to anything most of the crowd had ever seen. Sadly the crowd would be my only downer; because it is where it is (Shaftsbury Ave) it seems to attract a motley crew of chancers and right-out-the-pub punters who for me could just piss off home and read a book to master their native language but this was a small price to pay; especially when by the early hours of the morning Wilcox was spinning classic d'n'bass cuts from the second half of the ninetees.
PhHip Rowlatt
Bart beatz



kl 'Ùq
Ùq ?
^ ~ ft ?ft. ft.' -Ùq Ùq ? Ùq" .1- A'	,a^-

Matrix Sleepwalk
A much anticipated debut-artjsfrallstim from Matrix who decide to put this big project out on big bro Optical, aad' patter in crime Ed Rush's highly successful label of the minut^,Virus;,instead of his own Metro label, a decision aimed at making sure the album Xfealises its full potential" with the backing of the scene',5-t)ig players. And why not, eh, cos by the sounds of It Matrix has put a lot of ^work into his latest offering. Characterised by a wide spectrum of twisted and distorted jazzy, funked up sounds and complex but neat beats, .Sleepwalk has got something for eve9:yc!ne, from the funkf?ts Gap.IheMind.and the title track Sleepwalk, the bubbhng downtempo sounds of Junction, 'sleazy jazz' in the form of opening track The Saint to the dancefloor oriented dark rollercoaster basslines of Temperament, Six and Airhead. Sleepwalk is pure instrumental beats, no soppy vocals here, and sure to be a welcome addition to your ever-increasing collection of drum'n'bass artist albums. 4/5
Jo Serieux
Isolee
Beau Mot Plage
This magnificent gem of cold hypnotic groc^ h.
featured heavily on all dancefloors and sh(xiia as it comes back with awesome remixes fron&pj^^form collective. The 'Freeform Reform part 1&2' is a billliant reconstruction, keeping the main theme b'
Latin twist. A touch of flute and congas, a catchy vocal melody and there you are, ca filler slowly building to absolute delirium.
5/5
Millenia Nova Stow E-Motion Sishtseeins
German duo Mathias Neiiheuser and Michi Mendi who make up Millenia Nova' release Slow E Motioft^gtitseeing, their second chilled to the max album, ideal for those post rave mash up chill out sessions/ what is the meaning of^ife? moments. A cool collection of extremely niellow tr; coupled with floating vocals, ambient instrumentatsj strings and chords a-plenty.
Probably not recommended for jtjmp-i the clinically depressed or people^*
when listening to music, but i%
that it wears ear muffs and |
summer, then you could do worse than to purchase this here album.
3/5
Jo Serieux
core juflglists
wake
little sax,'a devilishly Ùq
nS'"' I ""O' plÙV9Ùç
?freefcmiSsfOfmScrigiiiai versfflii
Sebastian Aubert
Kyoto Jazz Massive Eclipse/Silent Messenger
of the Japanese jazz scene since th^ early Ok>no Brothers show why that scene.
aken into account very seriously and wW^ become one of the most important riei^rd last three years. This 12" is^U aboutf ion, elegant melodies and refined essenger' is built around great piano hanced by the warmth of a sinuoUs b-percussion work. It strikes as an : ;r; al beauty. The second track,
_st on this EP. At the beginning, it^is
deep, melodic and slightly melancholic, with a light Latin touch. Then the bass kicks in and an ethereal voice floats above this harmonious composition.
Delicate and sensuous as can be, we want more of this stuff!
5/5
Sebastian Aubert
if'
LITERATURE
Getting under your skin
DJP reviews the exciting new novel from debut author Michel Faber; the weird and wonderful UNDER THE SKIN, taking the reader down the dark roads of the Scottish
Highlands.
Michel Faber is no ordinary writer. His debut novel is causing quite a stir, sending his publishers CANONGATE into some sort of sexual frenzy: "we hope that once you have read UNDER THE SKIN, you will understand why we are so excited about Michel Faber".
With rumours of film rights flying left,
right and centre, well obviously Faber is very hot property at the moment.
Either that -or his publishers are starting the rumours
attempt to con naive literary editors into reviewing the novels they are promoting.
If good writers are those who make you turn the pages, then Michel Faber surely qualifies. You might say that Jeffrey Archer also is a master of this art but who can deny that his books are instantly forgettable? I promise you that this novel will really get 'under your skin', that it will linger on longer after you put it down. Isserley the female protagonist of this novel must pick up well-built male	hitch
hikers...why? To say any more would spoil the plotline and strange shifts the novel eventually takes.
themselves in a desperate Turning the pages; not only
will you want to know what happens next but also what is Faber getting at, what is he trying to convey. This little novel is original as well as crafty.
Provided it does not put you off some of its more implausible parts and you allow yourself to be carried along by a truly imaginative and weird story,
you'll very soon find yourself ;
flooded by interesting free associations and propelled to consider things from new and unexpected angles. Faber's flowing prose with its ticklish humour brings a certain je ne sais
quoi to the book. Culture, somebody said, is what remains after you've actually forgotten all the books you've read. So, if you want culture, I strongly recommend this novel. I	t
refreshes those parts of your brain that the Archer novels cannot reach.
MICHEL FABER UNDER THE SKIN
HEBE IS A TALENT JN TH6 ASCCNOANT
UNDER THE SKIN by Michel Faber is out now published by Canongate Books Ltd priced ?10.00
White Poison
ALEX KRANZ reviews last year's surprise debut No. 1 bestseller WHITE OLEANDER by Janet Fitch. Selected by Oprah Winfrey as part of her Bookclub choice and with the film rights recently purchased by Warner Bros we will here much more in future from this author.
Janet Finch's outstanding debut novel WHITE OLEANDER is so edgy, so darkly -restive, so-utterly true to its title-beautifully poisonous, it single-handedly lends a hip credibility to Oprah Winfrey's book club, for which it was selected by the talk show/culture queen last year. WHITE OLEANDER is the story of a mother and a daughter and the hardships the younger one faces growing up; that much of it is unremarkable medium-sized novel stuff of the predictably contemporary sort, and the kind of subject one might expect to see turn up as an Oprah selection.	Even the
embellishment wherein the
Fitch's novel magically combines its many themes, forming a poetic, searching monologue of a novel
mother is sent to prison and the daughter is moved from one trying foster home to another makes only a mild stake on distinction. But WHITE OLEANDER shines brightly beyond its setup because the daughter, our narrator, is Astrid: damaged, recalcitrant, introspective, emotionally numb, cognitively insatiate, and most of all, a survivor.
Fitch's novel magically combines its many themes into Astrid's restless mind, forming a poetic, searching monologue of a novel that we watch search and stretch and fold back upon itself as needfully as Astrid's attempt to find her place in the world. The book is in one aspect an ongoing duel between Astrid and her mother Ingrid. Ingrid is an arrogant and pretentious poet who casts an all-encompassing spell over her daughter in her early childhood that was only partly broken with their separation by prison. As Astrid is shuffled through a vulgar, inelegant world completely at
odds with her aesthetics- I worshipping mother, she wavers between revolted rejection and bitter acceptance of the self-worshipping nihilism she learned and continues to learn from her mother. Astrid's journey in the novel is not complete until she has come to terms with her mother, carved out a place between Ingrid's self-centered pride and some sort of more valuable compass for her own life.
Further, WHITE OLEANDER offers a casually critical portrayal of foster care, an enchanting panoramic portrait of Los Angeles, and an insightful meditation on art. An existence ' devoted to art does nothing for Ingrid's humanity, but the artistic impulse largely helps to save Astrid's.
WHITE OLEANDER is somewhat identifiable as a first novel at times, such as in its very pungent
Janet Fitch
Ol'
engrossing and revealing monologue by Astrid, an extended character study, and it is in this characterisation that the Fitch has her greatest triumph.
WHITE OLEANDER by Janet
The Classic Corner
Introducing the Classic
Corner which brings the
more obscure
international literary
classics to our attention.
THE GOOD SOLDIER
SVEJK byJaroslav
Hasek: The Czech
Blackadder.
ar is not meant to be fun. Successive books and films have quite rightly portrayed the lot of your average soldier in the trenches of 1914-18 as hell, and Blackadder Goes Forth merely added the requisite amount of poignancy to an otherwise roaringly funny comedy series.;
J.^ROSLAV HASEK The Gor?i Sold
devotion to similes. But the ? Fitch is out now on paperback writing is overall very fluid, and published by Little Brown fit Co very lovely. In the end it is an priced ?9.99
However, unbeknownst to Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, the Bohemian (by nationality and nature) author Hasek had beaten them to it with decades to spare.
The book in question, THE GOOD SOLDIER SVEJK, is set in the provinces of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. While Curtis and Elton chose to make the hero the madcap captain with the sardonic voice, Hasek's hero is the Baldrick of his unit whose superiors spend more time carousing with buxom Hungarians and stealing each other's dogs rather than doing any fighting. This allows Svejk in his turn to shirk his-own duties in the war, being incarcerated in various asylums and detention centres as malingerer ("wet sheet treatments" and enemas abound). When he finally gets to the battlefield, he is duped by a Russian soldier into putting on the latter's uniform, eventually to be arrested as a prisoner and come very close to being shot. Svejk (pronounced Sh-vaik) is supposed to symbolise the little man against authority, acting dumb but being possessed of more up top. Unfortunc^tely, Hasek - a colourful character himself - never got round to that bit, conveniently dying in a middle of a paragraph. Therefore the one thing missing from this is the poignant ending of everyone going over the top and getting killed.
To be honest, it's good to read: a book about war that for once hasn't got an overpowering self-righteous tone about it. There are enough references to the dirty and disgusting parts of army life (bowel functions included) but maybe it is best if Svejk does not turn into a humbug.
Louise Stanley
issue 517 -
TheBeaver'
February 28th 2000 1
BENAZIR
participation. There are so many people who look towards me, and i see that they want to come, and they care what happens.
Your political career has been so tumultuous, I'm wondering how you keep your faith in politics?
BB: That's a very good question. There are times when I'd like to give it up. But then I look at all the things we did, and literally....as I was saying, bringing down the deficit by foreign governments and asking for help, we have done that. Or bringing down the population growth rate, we brought it down by one third, which is quite dramatic. And I say why don't they look at the schools we are building, the literacy, the little children's lives we are saving, the thirty million child deaths in South Asia which can be avoided if governments do something about it, and people trying to do something. And I would say well why can't they talk about the issues that matter? Like how little children are born with polio and how it can be stopped. And I feel very bitter...but then I remember what my father said, my father told me, 'I don't want you to be bitter. Bitterness destroys a person.' And he wrote me a letter in which he quoted Robert Kennedy on Lord Denison, saying 'what shall I be at 55 if nature so let me live, if I find
the world so bitter at 25.'
Where do you see Pakistan on the economic and international scene in the near
my father told me, "i don't want you to be bitter. Bitterness destroys a person.
future, say, five years from now?
BB: I think Pakistan has a lot of problems now. And so does South Asia. Since the overthrow of my government, there have been 11 nuclear detonations by India and since by Pakistan. There have been a series of missile tests. There's been fighting and carnage and hundreds dying in the icy mountains...and there has been the hijacking of an Indian airliner. There have been a series of steps, which have been very deleterious to peace in South Asia. So I believe that Pakistan needs democracy. You see, all this has happened since democracy was derailed in November 1996. If fair
elections are held, and people are allowed to elect the leader of their choice, the People's Party will win. And when we win, we'll have confidence in ourselves. Because we have the support of the people. When you have manufactured results, the leaders are insecure. So they have to create external diversions, they want to create problems. So in five years time, if Pakistan goes on the path to, democracy, I see Pakistan working with the other countries of South Asia, for a South Asian model of the European Union. Imagine driving across countries without worrying about visas?
In today's age of globalisation, is it a handicap or an asset to stick to one's roots? I think sometimes through the course of getting in touch with our culture and our roots ive run the risk of becoming almost ethnocentric - especially South Asians. So do you think it's a' handicap or an asset?
BB: Well, roots are important, because they give you an identity and they anchor you. And because they anchor you, you have a particular feeling of strength. But at the same time let's remember thatt the roots are very far under the
ground and the leaves are high up in the sky! So you can have roots but you can really wander all over, and the world that I see is a very mobile world. First there used to be
roots arel important} because ttieyi give you anl identity and\ they anchorl youl
tribes and clans and familfes. And now when you look around, tribes and clans are finished, and the nuclear family has changed. When I was growing up there were hardly any people who were divorced. Now if you look at the developed world, most of the people are single mothers or stepfathers or stepmothers. So everything is undergoing a change, and I think it's important for all of us to keep our identities, but to know that we have the whole world as our stage.


Pie: Archives
And you have to learn to adapt...
BB: Qh yes, one has to adapt to survive. One has to adapt or be marginalised.
f you are elected again, what would you do differently now as opposed to 1990? What things would you change or approach the same way?
BB: One of the things in my last term, which I would have liked to change, was relations with India. I left that to the president. And that was wrong. I should have done it myself. My last term I was very hawkish. And now I realise that the world has changed and I look around the world and see the developed countries - I see NAFTA, I see ASEAN, I see the European Union, and I realise that if the people of South Asia are to prosper, we will have to learn from the developed countries. We can't go on fighting amongst ourselves, building wars, creating divisions and dissentions. We've got to come together to create the right atmosphere, to give our people the freedom to compete and succeed in the larger market.
Thank you very much.
Britbh
tjhrify id -T; - PttJttkal & - J '. Ertsn?tt?k
Simplicity
one search
Daughter of the East: looking serene
access from anywhere
multiple electronic resources In Economics
, vi a '
Oecomateil
access for LSE members and further information at:
http://decomate.lse.ac.ukf decomate/


I don't believe in just meeting new ciiallenges
I believe in introducing myself to them.
I work for J.P. Morgan
Potential is an impressive quality, but employers want
to hear what you have done, not just what you think you can do. We place a high value on work experience because it builds your knowledge and sharpens your
professional judgement.
To apply for an internship at J.P. Morgan, please visit our website. The deadline for applications is 31 March 2000.
www.jpmorgan.com/careers
J P Morgan
?2000 J.P. Morgan & Co. Incorporated
Election Special
Candidates for General Secretary
FEDERMAN, Lee
(The Ginger Magician: Recognising, Representing, Reacting')
Charisma, determination, innovation. Accessibility, industry, flexibility.
Ahead of these personal qualities, I possess a vision. An ideology for the new century based on 'The Three Rs': Recognition, Representation and Reaction.
Recognising over-crowding, insufficient computer facilities and falling teaching standards.
Representing the student voice. Encouraging self-Improvement and increased participation at all levels of the union. Making sure that we are not bullied, but respected.
Reacting to merger proposals, sky-high rents and the mistreatment of students. Reacting with zero tolerance to student hardship, racism and all forms of discrimination. Weaving together the strands of disparate groups into a truly cohesive student body.
LEWIS, Dan
(Working for a United Union)
If elected General Secretary I will work for a Union United.
Working for Halls, ensuring accountability from hall managers, IT connection for all halls and value for money for all students.
Working for Societies, creating a societies room, send a global e-mail of events coming up and fighting for fair room allocation.
Working for Academic Excellence, pushing for longer Library opening hours and a compulsory high level of teaching and a minimum standard of English.
Working for Everybody, demanding LT student cards are distributed by the SU and being available regularly. If elected General Secretary I will work for a Union United.
MEADWAY, James
(Socialist Worker Student Society)
New Labour holds those who voted for it in contempt, whether in the stitch-up used to impose Frank Dobson on London, or through the introduction of home tuition fees. The NUS response to this has been dismal; we need a national union that seriously fights for and alongside its members.
At LSE, the Students' Union should be leading the fight against both home and overseas fees rises, and for the abolition of the divisive and discriminatory fees system. The demonstrators outside the World Trade Organisation conference in Seattle have shown the way; we can fight and win against profit-driven insanity.
SELLERS, Robert
(Strength in Union)
As a member of the Students Union here at the LSE, you are as aware as I am of the problems we face both as members of groups, such as hall residents or library users, or as individuals. It is not for me to impose an endless list of would be promises and solution.
This is because as General secretary I would be working for each and every one of you, and your problems would be mine. I will endeavour to be accessible, approachable and accountable as the primary representative of LSE
Students.
?
Vote Rob Sellers for General Secretary
http://www.lse-students.ac.uk/sellers
SWINSON, Jo
(Listening to Students - IVIaking a Difference)
I believe in an LSE that celebrates its diversity by creating an inclusive,
supportive culture for its students. I believe in an LSE that encourages
academic excellence. I believe in an LSE that fights for
the best deal for
students.
As your General Secretary, I will;
*	create a Societies' Resource Centre and increase society funding
*	improve communication (Union e-newsletter, revamped website, student survey)
fight for Library Standards Charter
*	negotiate discounts and sponsorship with business
*	introduce a new students mentoring scheme and international students guide
Any questions? Email me: j.k.swinson@lse.ac.uk
Vote JO SWINSON for GENERAL SECRETARY
Candidate for Treasurer
KNOWLES, Charlotte
(independent)
Charlotte Knowles for Treasurer - Things will only get better
If elected I will:
-	Renovate the Underground Bar for society and alternative events.
-	Co-ordinate a subject-wide Careers Fair for the Michaelmas term.
-	Organise a Lent Term ReFreshers Fayre
-	Improve the handling of fees, grants and loans through staff training and IT upgrades in the Finance Office.
My experience?
-	Responsibility for Athletics Union budgets, Freshers Fayre and Alternative Prospectus (AU Treasurer 99 - 00, Society Treasurer 98 - 99)
-Involvement in The Beaver, the Gym Project, Student Recruitment, departmental research and Primary Union Services.

TABORN, Laura
(TLC for a better LSE)
Careers:
Relocated and improved careers service.
Job directory and campus recruitment.
Student development - volunteering and CV building
service.
Accommodation:
Guaranteed hall places for third years.
Work to keep hall fees low.
Study:
Library drop boxes in halls. Zero tolerance to bad class
teaching. Stronger focus on study skills.
Safety:
Union affiliated taxi service.
Safe transport to halls after Tuns and Library shut.
Subsidised personal alarms for all.
Accommodation:
Guaranteed hall places for third years.
Work to keep hall fees low.
Safety:
Union affiliated taxi service.
Safe transport to halls after Tuns and Library shut.
Subsidised personal alarms for all.
Approachability:
Guaranteed confidentiality, 24 hour emergency help line. If you have any questions, please email or phone me. l.a.taborn@lse.ac.uk	0171 574 5901
Candidate for
Entertainments
Vidyarthi, Amar
(Independent - Go with the Fro)
Amar Vidyarthi - Entertainments Sabbatical - Go w/ith the 'Fro
My Experience
Worked for LSESU Ents for two years Bankside Entertainments Officer '99-'00
*	AU General-Secretary '99-'00 UGM Chair '99
My Promises
Graduation Trip - a leaver's event to end the year with a bang!
*	Ents Roadshow - cross-campus events with other universities
Ents Website - to improve promotion of events and keep students informed Cultural Events - link with societies to present cultural theme nights and to celebrate festivals other than Christmas
*	Musical Diversity - more varied music at Union events
BRODERSEN, Louise
(Brodersen - Breaking Barriers)
If you elect me as your education & Welfare officer I will...
*	Fight for Autumn Resits
*	Create Housing Week
-	Campaign for fair hall rents
-	Give advice on private accommodation
Co-operate with the Careers Service
-	Improve CV and application form sessions
-	Create a careers service website with job vacancies and on-line help
Demand Better Educational Resources
-	Quality Teaching
-	Improved facilities
-	No hidden course costs
-	Monitoring progress of library
Experience: LSESU Women's Officer and Bankside Committee
Please vote BRODERSEN for EDUCATION & WELFARE
PROUDLOVE, Louise
(Independent)
On Welfare:
Publish guide to Student finance
Clear and concise guide to existing funds available
Speed and simplify application process
*	Keep crucial issues on the agenda Referendum on Autumn resits Wednesday afternoons free for all Campaign against student hardship
On Communication:
*	Represent real student views
No assumptions on what students think Publicise up-coming issues and seek views ? Provide constant feedback on developments Develop SU website Electronic alternative course guide Student guide to living out
On Education:
Survey and report on personal tutors
*	Ensure reductions in class sizes
Publicise staff taking sabbatical before students commit
Candidates for Executive
McELLIGOTT, Anna
(LSE Labour)
The Labour Club has been heavily involved in Union life throughout the year and we are proud of our achievements. As part of the Labour team I helped to organise a petition to improve the number of students from deprived backgrounds, and the recent sponsored sleepout has raised approx. ?5,0000 for homeless charities.
If elected I will work as part of a united Labour team to produce real improvements to Union, life and ensure that the student voice is heard. \
i\/lichael Blackwell
(Serving you to improve our Union)
Vote for MICHAEL BLACKWELL for the Executive Slate
If elected I promise to endeavour to:	*
-	Press to TREBLE THE SOCIETIES BUDGET. This should be funded by LEAVING NUS.
-	Focus union activities on things that UNITE STUDENTS rather than on policies that divide students.
-	Make the SU policy making process MORE ACCESSIBLE and LESS INTIMIDATING to our members. I will always be ready to listen to STUDENTS CONCERNS.
-	SUPPORT SOCIETIES in a more effective way.
LITTLECOTT, Chris
(Improving Union Services through Environmental Savings)
Before coming to LSE I worked in Ecuador for a Sustainable' Development charity.
My policies will reduce costs: for students, the union and the environment.
Pledge 1: To Improve Union Services through Environmental Savings, comprehensive environmental audit cost savings for students, the union and the environment Pledge 2: To Inform and Involve the whole of the student body, accessible information, environmental taskforce, recycling in residences, monthly updates in UGM and Beaver
Pledge 3: To Identify and Implement a long-term environmental action plantargets for next 5 years
M0LLE1R, Nils
(Schmeix, the one and only)
Hi there, my name is Nils, I am in my 2nd year, but I am better known as SCHMEIX.
If you elect me as one of your Executive "Slates", you won't be disappointed. I believe I can do an excellent job because of my personal abilities, such as excellent interpersonal and great enthusuasm for whatever I do.
Vote for me and YOU will actually notice that someone does the job throughout the year. I will keep you informed and I will be there for YOU whatver the after. So, go out and vote for SCHMEIX, THE ONE AND ONLY.
ÙqElection Special
TrteBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
5'
Candidates for Executive Continued
Hello Readers,
CLAY, David
(Independent)
Why should you vote DAVE CLAY for the Executive Slate?
-Independent-no hidden political allegiances or motives. -Experienced-Passfield President (98-99) and member of Inter-Halls Committee (98-99).
-Bright Ideas:
-More Union-Student consultation about Union Initiatives. -Innovative use of internet and e-mail to inform students about union activities.
-Commitment to affordable and plentiful Hall places.
-More Union support for students living in University of London Halls.
-More regular and efficient nightbus service between the LSE and all Halls.
-Secure and well lit bicycle storage areas.
So, if you want somebody who is enthusiastic about the Union and will do their best to improve it, VOTE DAVE CLAY!
GITTOES, Jacob
(Jacob G for a better LSE)
Vote Jacob G. for a better LSE
Experience - Chairperson LSE Student Union Constitution Steering Committee
Student Representative on LSE Interhall Committee Ideas - Increased publicity for the Union and Society Events through a regularly updated Societies Webpage Support for a dedicated room for societies to use to publicise their events.
Commitment - If you elect me the I promise to uphold the values of the Student Union and to improve it for everyone. Jacob Gittoes for Exec. Slate.
BELLINI, Peter
(Independent)
If elected to the executive slate I will be committed to representing everyone at the LSE. I am President of High Holborn Residence and am used to dealing effectively with the enquiries and problems of students.
These are things that I would like to see happen.
The existing phone system is extortionate and needs replacing with a value for money alternative!
Secondly I believe that SU ENTS and societies .as highly important parts of student life and should have more cash directed towards them.
An e-mail newsletter about the UGM.
Plus more resource efficient techniques within the school to
save money and resources.
DOSHI, Ritesh
(Together for a better LSE)
As an Independent seeking Re-election to the Students' Union Executive, let me make my intentions clear: to express your views and represent your concerns to the Union and the school.
If elected, I hope to Modernise the society budget allocation process, while increasing Communication and Transparency in the Union, by holding elected officers more Accountable, and making them more Accessible.
Furthermore, I hope to introduce New and Varied services to our Union, in order to meet the needs of our Diverse Population. In order for us to work Together for a better LSE vote, Ritesh Doshi for Executive Slate.
Delegate to NUS Conference
HATTON, Alan
(Independent - Make NUS Conference Entertaining)
TRAINOR, Mark
(NUS Conference)
BELLINI, Peter
(Independent)
FARINGTON, Steve
(Labour)
CARTER, Joel
(Independent)
SWINSON, Jo
(Listening to Students -Making a Difference)
MORRISON, Jessica
(LSE Labour)
BOWE, Andrew
(LSE Tory)
LEWIS, Dan
(Working for a United union)
FREWIN, Jon
(Together for a Better LSE)
ZOMLOT, Husam
(Independent Candidate)
GITTOES, Jacob
(Jacob G for a better LSE)
MEADWAY, James
(Socialist Worker Student Society)
PARKINSON, John
(Stop the Pressure)
TABORN, Laura
(TLC for a better LSE)
Equal Opps (Male)
RAFIONE, Atif
(LSE Labour)
BAKER, Jimmy
(Independent)
RAMLJAK, Vedad
(The Man Fighting for You)
International Students
YAP WERN HEY, Christina CHAPPELL,
(LSE Tory)
LSE Modern Dance Society presents..,
'loaded'
An Explosive Evening of various dance styles
Showing in the Old Theatre at 8.30pm, on, Monday 6th March Thursday 9th March Friday 10th March Tickets ?3
TheBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
6
Candidates for Finance
-c.
IV i
WARREN, Cath
(LSE Labour)
The Labour Club has been heavily involved in Union life throughout the year and we are proud of our achievements. As part of the Labour team I helped to organise a petition to improve the number of students from deprived backgrounds, and the recent sponsored sleepout has raised approx. ?5,0000 for homeless charities.
If elected I will work as part of a united Labour team to produce real improvements to Union life and ensure that the student voice is heard. -
SOUTHWELUPaul
(Independent and Probably Not Mad)
Please vote Paul Southwell for Finance and Services Committee
The LSESU provides an excellent range of services to its students, and offers both value for money and a source of funds for future Union projects.
These services are of importance to every LSE student and I ask for your vote because I believe that I can make a real contribution to ensuring that the Union continues to raise and use its funds to the greatest advantage of its members. In the unlikely event that you're interested, I have a working knowledge of basic accounting principles and some retail experience.
LITTLECOTT, Chris
(Improving Union Services through Environmental Savings)
Before coming to LSE I worked in Ecuador for a
Sustainable Development
charity.
My policies will reduce costs: for students, the union and the environment.
Pledge 1: To Improve Union Services through
Environmental Savings
comprehensive environmental audit
cost savings for students, the union and the
environment
Pledge 2: To Inform and Involve the whole of the student body, accessible information, environmental taskforce, recycling in residences, monthly updates in UGM and Beaver
Pledge 3: To Identify and Implement a long-term environmental action plan targets for next 5 years
SHAPIRO, Shnager
(Strength in Union)
PACKER, Tom
(LSE Tory)
E mUGURAl SPORTS BALL
Thursday 9th March 2000
New Coimaught Rooms Dinner & Dandiig 7.30pni * tm
rickets on Sale:
Wed 2)4M0 to Fri 2SHMH>0 (A.U. Colonn Rec^ents Only) Mob XMfrOO onwards (Afl otiier A.U. Membm)
Flrom Stan in Houghton St
iUnion
TheBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
7'
IGEN SECS COLUMN
You are a wanted person. Wanted for a very simple reason - you have a vote.
;lts that time of year again when you elect the people who will be running; your Students' Union next year, Including the person who'll be writing this column. This is your best, chance to have a say in what type of iStudents' Union you want.
That is why it is absolutely essential; you vote. EVERY student at LSE Ùqhas the right to vote - please use that right.
The Students' Union has modernised the election process so that you can use that right in a more Wormed way. For example, for the llrst time we have introduced a Manifesto Booklet, with impartial. Information from the Union and statements from the candidates these are available from Union Reception now, irom the ballot box on polling days and have been delivered to rooms in Halls.
ffhe aim of these initiatives is to [guarantee the Union's democratic base and ensure that as many students as possible participate in' our democracy. It is our democracy ^at forms the core, of the Union and the base that underpins our legitimacy., -
iRather like buses elections all seem: ;to come at once. Whilst we're busy ielecting people here, ULU and NUS !are busy electing people too. Nominations at ULU close this Tuesday, but have already closed at NtJS. The fun has only begun as the various candidates vie for our votes; In the case of LSE we have six votes - our delegates will be elected athis week with the rest of ou^l elections.
And for the first time in nearly two decades we are guaranteed of a change at the top. Labour students, who have held the position of National President for 18 years,'^nei not proposing a candidate. Nowi don't have a problem with the current leadership per se, but as with ail organisations, a change at the top is needed to ensure that an organisation remains dynamic.
That change I believe will come from Owam James, an independent candidate who I have nominated. I fundamentally believe in the principle of a national union of students, but also believe the current NUS needs changing. The solution is not to leave NUS. but to stay as part of the team, play our irole and change the organisation from within. I trust Owain will lead that change, change which is needed if NUS is to retain its legitimacy.
For too long NUS has been hijacked by people with poiitical motives -wannabe politicians on their way to garllament and the left with their sectional and hidden agendas way beyond students. What is need are people who won't put party or outdated dogma first, but students first.
That is what Students' Unions should be about - putting students first. The best way to guarantee this is through democracy - ensuring that students .y	-
remain sovereign. So please use that sovereign power by voting this, iweek.
ELECTION DETAILS
LENT TERM ELECTIONS 2000
HUSTINGS.
IVionday 28th February 12:00-2:00pnn Quad Tuesday 29th February 7:30pm Tuns
VOTING.
Voting will take place in the Quad at the following times; Wednesday 1st March 11:30am-2pm.
Thursday 2nd March 9:30am-7pm.
Hall Voting will take place on Wednesday 1st March as follows:
High Holborn
Rosebery
Carr-Saunders
Passfield
Bankside
Butlers Wharf
Great Dover Street
African-Caribbean Society Present
A Cultural Evening
Wednesday 8th March
Food from Africa and the Caribbean
4pm-4:30pm
5pm-5:30pm
6pm-6:30pm
6:45pm-7;15pm
8pm-8:30pm
9pm-9:30pm
10pm-10:30pm
Imitation of the Trinidad Carnival
Tickets ?4 members ?5 non-members
Music and Dance
Modelling and excerpts from Nobel Prize Winning Author Wole Soyinka's play
In the Quad
; Honorary President
' Building an LSE for Everyone
appea
major
iiith ottHuelt
This event is free, but ticket only - tickets can be obtained from Union Reception, or call 0171 955 7158 (between 10am and 5pm). Numbers are limited
Email Students.Union@lse.ac.uk for more details
a Beavers ports
TrteBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
EPSTEIN ROUNDS UP THE WEEKS PLAY
No game to report on this time, just another 5-0 walkover that leaves the fourths in second place with only two matches to play. The Wye minibus suffering a breakdown carrying 11 farmers and their sheepdog broke down on route so tbe slow witted Weasel stole the points. Wednesday did see, however, three LSE 4th team stars play above their status for the secontf and ttvird teams. Golden boot elect Tommy 'Natural Born [chicken] killer' Ghatterton made an impressive debut for the seconds at centre half, but the real performances of the day came from Messers 'Coco the Clown' Paxton and 'Bambi on Ice' Stoate who starred for the thirds.
With the score 2-2 with twenty or so minutes on the clock, Caveman Jarlarth sent for our midfield maestro Paxton to help net the side a crucial winner to salvage any chance of promotion that the thirds had. 'Coco' Paxton's initial impact was tmmense - an impressive circus trick that saw him trip over his own shoelaces and fall arse over tit, leading to rapturous applause from the touchline. The children impresario's next trick saw him launched from a cannon into a Royal Vets player resulting in a free kick and Coco gave himself a hat-trick of party pieces by cleverly juggling the ball on his nose while hopping on one ?ff;:his clown boots. Skipper O'Hara was clearly exasperated and irritated by Paxton's antics and decided to make another sub. Unfortunately, his choice on the bench was strictly limited between 'Weasel' Stoate, Calamity Barnes and Epstein, who cunningly hid himself behind a blade of grass to 'avoid Paxton's wrath (and the prospect of the door). Master tactician O'Hara went for the creative option and sent on Stoate to score the winning goal, hopefully this time at the right end. Sadly his unbelievable undying faith in the abilities of our ^skipper were once again misplaced as Weasel was initially skinned by both forwards, then the referee, and then LSE ref. legend William Yates, who came to the touch-line briefly to cheer on his favourite university. Sadly, the goal touch of Paxton and Stoate, which had scored a cumulative total of bugger all goals for the fourths this season, had unbelievably deserted themselves once again, condemning the thirds to another season in division two, where the fourths will join them next season.
CARLOS THE JACKAL AND MR HYDE PARK RELAYS
PADDY WALLACE REPORTS ON THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF LSE X-COUNTRY
I
I_^
ast Saturday saw the main event in the cross country calendar, the Continentally renowned Kyde Park Relays, with a imen's field of over 75 teams of six starting, and women's field of 42 four woman teams, this meant a total number of competitors well into the 500's. Not only were all the top British teams competing, but also 10 or so Dutch, a handful of German and French, and also a Polish side. Needless to say the competition was hot, from an event that has seen the greats of running throughout its 52 year history. LSE managed to field a strong (for us!) men's team and a 3 woman team..
The women's team did well, as Parul Bavishi ran first and last legs (in times of 17.30 and 20.05 for the 2 mile course), Matilda Lee second leg (19.39) and Laura Feldman third leg (16.17). Laura managed a spirited finish taking on one of the Dutch teams over the last four hundred metres. They managed to finish a respectable 39th (the highest position for years).
The men's race was excitement down to the last eight hundred. After a flying start from the captain Paddy Wallace (running 14.40 for the 3 mile course) the LSE lay in 26th and first University of London College, just ahead of Imperial and UCL in a sprint finish, who were given the same official time. The second leg was run by a spirited Lars Hartenstein (16.14) saw us only drop to 32, Fabian Faltin ran third (18.09), thanks to a stunning leg from bandaged Arthur McManus (16.01), we climbed back up to 47, and a solid run from red headband-ed Owen Cahillane (17.07) saw us lie in 44th. Chris McBride (17.18) started 45
seconds clear of the Strand Poly last leg and fastest runner, but unfortunately couldn't make it stick and was passed half way round, in a thrilling duel. In the end we managed to claim 46th from 72 finished teams. Ahead of London Business School, and fortunately LSE Old boys (who came 59th). Perhaps the heaviest blow came in loosing to another economics college, that of Poznan from Poland, who finished only 6 places in front of us.
Winners in the men's race were KV Leuven of Holland, with Cambridge a close second, and Oxford in the ladies race. Fastest times of the day went to Angus McClean of Southampton (12.54), and Emma Brady of Manchester "Old Girls" (11.22).
Glory, Glory, LSE...
On a different note it has now become apparent after the 5th London Colleges league race LSE are within a gnats whisker of getting promoted to division 1. This was after the race on Wednesday in Guilford. Results: Paddy 28th, Chris McB 40th and Keith Adams 43rd. Individually Chris McB is 5th in Division 2, and Paddy is 8th. LSE have a lead of 248 points on nearest rivals of Surrey who are 4th, and only need 169 points to be secure of promotion. Battersea park will see the 6th and final league race of the season, on March 1st. Contact the. captain if you want to jump on the glorious bandwagon (p.r.wallace@lse.ac.uk).
Also it is the start of the Athletics season, and March 4th is the University of London Champs, so if you fancy throwing, jumping, vaulting or running contact Lisa Vernon (LJVernon@aol.com), and join in the fun...........
LSE BADMINTON MASSIVE CRUISE INTO SEMI'S
		
		
		
1 VM -i?T?v7n7^ 1 h t?] j H11111		
Booyakasha. The day was a Wednesday. The opposition were not too pretty. Strand Poly never are. I told them that the match would start at 2pm. They arrived at 1:45. They obviously thought that they had a chance. They didn't. Their first pair were too slow. Their seconds lacked imagination from the back of the court. The Thirds were mere beginners.
And then again, there was the competition. Winnoc Lui, the former Hong Kong national had brought with him a group of young friends, prospective LSE students to watch the match. They were not to be disappointed. In partnership with Sharisa, the pairing cruised to two consecutive victories and then conceded the third as Sharisa departed for the airport. Taking her mother to the airport? Importing crack, I think.
Mr. Booyakasha, too, was playing with great dexterity and elegance. The opposition appeared blinded by the brightness of Booyakasha's shorts and his virtually incomprehensible street slang. However he soon found himself a virtual by-stander as newcomer Benedikta took control of the game. She has been a real revelation since making her debut last week. It's just a shame that we didn't discover her raw badminton ability sooner.
And so the match continued. As usual, Captain Suhail Shaikh, and his lover Devna Vora, arrived two hours late but by then the match had already been won. Shaikh's muscularity really is a marvel to watch. His fitness levelsunsurpassable. But he is a taken man. Devna too had her say in some fiercely contested rallies.
The challenge now is with GKT. Yes, with an understrengthed team they inflicted defeat upon us earlier in the season. But that was then and this is now. When they come to the fortress which is the LSE badminton court, the result will be predictable, a 9-0 LSE victory. The writing is on the wall.
Sharisa departed for the airport. Tal<ing her mother to the airport? Importing cracli, I think.

iBeaversports
UNSTOPPABLE SECONDS SNAPPED UP BY SONY
T/ieBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
RECORDS
FOOTBALL LSE2nd- / . Ùq.
SBLH
Griggsy, go on, you're all right
Oh yea, oh yea, hear those bells a-ringing. After last weeks (albeit hopeful) prediction that the seconds would win the league, another victory over those prats from SBLH saw the boys shoot up the table quicker than a whippet up a trouser leg. But quicker than the whippet could come shooting back, bruised like an apple amongst a bad bunch, the second team were in danger of being ripped apart from a money-mad record producer lurking about Andy Gold's Karaoke night. Still in shock from their third Win in a row, the lads trotted down to the Tuns to watch the England match, but before you could say Battistuta, an event was to change the lives of Bruiser Mason, Smart-Boy Raph, Gav the Kid, and Pete the Legend, for ever. It seemed like a harmless
rendition of the Take-That classic "Back for Good", but their performance, even without teen sensation Billie and MC Bolu, was spotted by a hopeful young record producer lurking in the crowd.
So, the boys were each offered contracts which far excelled the ones offered from LSE football, and even included free train tickets to Berrylands, and the balance of second team football is left in the lurch. But, there was a game too.
The first half was a rather onesided affair, the type Slippery Pitt is not unaccustomed to, which saw the SBLHPRATS taking the proverbial piss out of the young hopefuls on the hallowed turf of Berrylands. But, it came to nothing as the SBLHPRATS once again resorted to the old classics "you economicals think you're so hard" said the big nosed PRAT up front.
POPSTAR STATUS COMES QUICK TO THE BERRYLANDS BRUISERS
"I'll have you, you fart!" the blonde PRAT shouted as the air turned blue with his excessively strong language and he squared up to hard-nut Che. But Che wasn't afraid, he just started che-singh the big one around and whipping him with his dreadlocks. Pete, back in goal because the Paris trip left him with not enough water-fluid levels to actually run-around, was greeted on a corner with a bone-crunching scratch of the ear from one of the forwards and Dave Shudduppayerface was called a Pansy. Oh, the second team boys were shaking all the way home I can tell you.
Then the second half came, and the boys turned on the style we're so used to seeing (?). Rickety PP scattered his passes round like an alleycat on the pull. The Welsh Wizard' and his new
found friend, Mark, completely controlled the mid-field. There was even an appearance from Jesus himself, with his sandals turned to football boots, but no time to get rid of the beard enroute, yes... in came... Tommy C. and how he ran and ran. He had no Paris hangover, oh no, and he was out to prove he was worth resurrecting. Two goals then, one a shot from the sweet left peg of Che, and another cracking volley on the rebound from Mark "He's saved the second's season" Buttery. The boys are back, they even managed a trip to the Tuns, and the Wizard even led a trip to Equinox aftenwards, things change so quickly in life. As to the record contracts, watch this space...(but not for too long). (We're still missing Huggy Bear - has anyone seen him?).

Stoate claims that he had a cold but the real reason for his pisspoor performance was his granny shagging activities
ANYONE FOR TENNIS?
This well known clich6 once unheard of in LSE will soon, if captain Jack Wahab has his has his way, will be echoing down Houghton Street. "You cannot be serious" I hear you cry!! Well, he is. Since November this year, about 50 budding Racketeers have munched strawberries and cream, sipped Pimms and generally donned their white skirts and shorts to make like Tim Henman.
The only experience that I have had with tennis is going to Wimbledon and seeing Pete Sampras on a training court. 1 was so encapsulated by him, that I took an entire film of pictures of his ape-like physique, an action that now perturbs me deeply. Putting behind me my school nickname of Martina Hingis, 1 hot footed it down to Lincoln Inns to interview LSE's newest recruits to the athletic union, to see how they have been making their mark.
So far Jack has been delighted with the over-whelming success of the society, "i was sure, simply by speaking to people that there was a definite demand for a tennis society in the AU but someone needed to take the initiative." Jack was definitely , the man with vision
and took it upon himself to pitch a stand at the Freshers Fayre with only a hand written notice and a list of the e mail addresses of those interested. From here they have set up a database of ad those wishing to participate. "Whilst admittedly it's tough starting out, all our present members are in regular contact with each other organising matches on a personal level." Member and co-founder Christina added "The most important thing that we want to emphasise is the social side of the society: if players can get to know each other, organising events and matches will be easy. Building up a large network of connections and raising awareness have to be our main aims at the moment. A lot of people still don't know that there is a tennis society at the LSE but hopefully by next year the society will be fully up and running"
Jack and Christina were eager to emphasise that there is room for all, no matter what your standard. "We have organised , a coach/trainer for those wishing to start playing or just want to improve their game. The guy's name is Milko and he is fully qualified. He is offering members a reduced rate lessons at only ?1 an
hour in groups of three." If this doesn't encourage you to dust off your racket, 1 don't know what will.
The first event on their calendar is a "Play Day" on sat 4th March, It starts at 12pm and continues until 4pm. Everyone is invited to come along to Lincoln Inns for a relaxed social event and tournament. "We want people to come along and meet all the other
members, so that we become a close knit group. Also, it is important that those that want to start playing competitively are able to do so. We hope to put together squads of players of similar standard so that we can enter BUSA and competitive tournaments to get LSE tennis on the map."
All those interested should contact j.wahab@tse.ac.uk or lsetennis@hotmaH.com tor further details on club membership or the "Play Day" on the 4th of March.
A
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mwagi
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^^ÙqBeaversports
TheBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000 10
BRITISH BEEF HITS
PARIS HARD
Jez gives the frenchies a hot meat injection
Once upon a time a long, long time ago in a land far away (actually two Thursdays ago in the Tuns), a swarthy band of pirates gathered quaffing large quantities of rum and ale. The tone of the voyage was set when a small band -of mercenaries (dodgy geezers from Bankside) tried to relieve our galley slaves (I think they also play Football) of their pitiful supply of shandies. Having dealt out swift justice to the rogues we quaffed some more and then at the stroke of midnight boarded our landlubber transport. During the jeurney down to the port of Dover we quaffed some more and being kind-hearted Pirates kept our poor galley slaves cheerful by singing them many an amusing shanty.
As we pulled up in Dover cabin boy Collin was. about to burst so he leapt from the land vessel and proceeded to give a neighbouring caravan a saucy soaking. Others soon followed but were spyed by the caravans' Captain who made
haste and started throttling Bo'sun Burrell. The local guards (the bill) became involved and it became apparent that the only way the crew of our chartered ship would let us board would be by force or if we handed over all our doubloons as security. Despite a strong argument by Captain Bent to put the scroundrels to the Sword and make the other passengers walk the plank (except one lusty maiden .he had his depraved eye on), I decided to hand over my credit card. Thus afforded safe passage to foreign parts we boarded the ship and set about quaffing some more ale.
We all closed our one good eye on the way from Calais to Paris in order to restore ourselves for the battle ahead. Except Captain Bent who felt it necessary to beat a couple of insolent galley slaves with the flat of his "SWORD". But our reputation had obviously preceded us because rather than a spirited defence the enemy in Paris met us with the offer of an inn to
rest in and some victuals to nourish us.
Having purchased some dodgy local liquor and for reasons only known to Captain Bent, the head of a swine. We headed off to do battle with the locals in a mudpit (they called it a rugby pitch). Despite the locals bringing an army of reserves, our crew having had 2 hours shuteye and enough alcohol still flowing round our bodies to kill off Yeltsin for good, me playing in the centres (for a laugh) and not having a f*****g clue, a battle royale ensued. Tries were exchanged one after another until half time when we were knackered, booze oozing out of our pores and we were 22-19 up. At this point Helmsman Harris spewed and Cutthroat Coupe had to retire due to blurred vision apparently due to a collision and nothing whatsoever to alcohol!!! Seaman Stumpy rolled off the field and was replaced by Cutlass Clarke and our Hockey hostage Christian was replaced by Captain Bent.



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The first blood was shed when I handed off a potential tackier (perfectly legally) and bust his snivelling frenchy nose.
The frogs obviously planned revenge and five minutes later I found myself under a pile of froggies with one of them
vigorously attempting to remove my left eyeball! C'est la vie.
Bo'sun Boren and Petty officer Pete gave the enemy a good shoeing in the front row and Evil Epps continued to leap like a salmon in the lineout. With this kind of pressure more tries were forthcoming courtesy of Bo'sun Bad Boy Burrell who had a stormer on the wing.
Suffice to say we beat johny foreigner 32-27 with even JB showing a sniff of British spunk. We celebrated by drinking champers and ejecting Captain Bent from the changing room starkers into the presence of some local totty.
We returned to the enemy castle (ENSAE university) and drank their bar dry, beating them in a boat race on the way. Their wenches loved it when Father Abraham visited ogling the husky manliness that is Pegleg Eavis.
Everyone, retired to a local inn where the wenches were scarce but the Ale plentiful. So plentiful that Eavis, Collin and JB had to be literally carried home.
Saturday was spent munching steak, watching England give France a satisfying thrashing, quaffing yet more ale and getting nailed more times than can be mentioned. Charterhouse

Quote of the Tour Peter Griggs 'Was I drinking last nighit? I can't remember?"
Next week: We reveal the secret identity of the Phantom who shat in the hat
managed to pull a minger; no surprise there but for the fact that I had made sure he told her about his hooker heroics the previous night!!
The night was spent trawling the bars, sex shops and stripjoints of Paris with the police only involved once. Surprising considering we had taken over the stage of a stripjoint and done a slightly flabby take on a Chippendale show. Special mention must go to Captain Fat (whose birthday it was the next day), who, missing his buxom hockey babe slipped a few doubloons into a booth in a sex shop and managed to give the Bishop a good bashing (more than I was capable of at this point). We continued to carouse until the not so early hours, whereupon we returned to the safety of our inn. No one slept with anything apart from Captain Bent who I ensured spent the night with a cows leg in his bed.
Sunday morning was an early but cheerful start back to Blighty, to amuse the pirates we had forced Massive Mouth Mandy (head galley slave) to wear a big dress on the way home, which worryingly enough he seemed to really enjoy?
Arriving back in Houghton street that night loaded with cheap booze and fags, but minus wads of cash and our voices, everyone seemed to agree that it had been a fantastic weekend but we all needed a week of rest to recover from our foreign "Holiday". Pirates not already mentioned include: Denny "don't mess with me fool" Kim, Anthony	the
Alcoholometer, Crazy Craig, Heinous Halfbreed, Mad I Morgan and Mental Matt Embers
T/ieBeaver
Issue 517 - February 28th 2000
11
aBeover^poii^
FISTFUL OF DOLLARS
Charterhouse asks: How much is that doggie in the window?
With a belly full of booze and pants full of hormones the hero of our tale stumbled through the red light district of gay Paris, late at night.
Having been disappointed by the sex shops and the dismal creatures inhabiting the strip club we patronised, everyone was on the look out for some more risque attractions.	However
Charterhouse was unfortunate enough to be enticed into a dodgy den of,iniquity, with the promise of a gorgeous model upon whom he could slake his deviant desires.
This is the point the eyewitness account stops and we must rely on CHs own account:
"The sword and I were up for a spitroast, so we willingly parted with ?25 a piece. After waiting in a dingy foyer we were summoned into the boudoir where a delightful young filly removed her kit seductively, before demanding an extra ?200 for a half hour session of horizontal tangoing. The sword left disgusted at this point while I naively, stupidly and with a raging marrow struggling to get out of my pants, handed over
MENTALISTS ABROAD
After his debacteous activities in a Paris wlioreiiouse, Ciiarterliouse sets out to release his demons by sacrificing his nearest and dearest. Meanwhile, caravan owning Francois de la Fuckwit . contemplates the erosive effects of half the rugby team urinating on his nearest and dearest. Elsewhere in Paris, a random fudgepacker takes a philosophical view on the puli a pig competition:- "I don't feed horses I Just fuck them. I shag mingers, I shag quality, but the bottom line is i shag".
my credit card along with the last vestiges of my morals and any chance of ever pulling at LSE again. Having completed the transaction she gyrated in the middle of the room for another 5 minutes; I then became impatient and demanded my satisfaction. Sensing she had a horny himbo in her grasp, she then demanded another ?600. I. would have given her a damn good spanking for her cheek but at this point two large gentlemen of the neanderthal persuasion entered the room. I then decided discretion was the better part of valour and politely asked what my ?225 had bought. She responded by releasing my marrow and manually assisting my frustration. After pebble dashing the walls I was forcibly ejected and left limp and skint on the pavement cursing my GCSE french teacher for never setting me the brothel roleplay situation."
I hope this serves as a warning to all the virginal freshers out there who may be tempted to buy their way out of their sad situation!



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Cruising for a boozing
Continued from back page
However they returned having seen most of it with their booze goggles firmly strapped on. Even Jarlath had dispensed with his hard Northern habits; "Lads, the expresso's are only a quid next door" he proclaimed. Obviously, the chaps left their pints unattended and rushed straight out...ornot
At this stage, a star was born. 2nd team skipiper Pete Griggs,; normally a mild mannered bioke with a slightly camp streak, transformed into an all singing and dancing entertainment legend. The dull, red lights of filthy Pigaile beckoned for all concerned. Griggsy et al followed in the footsteps of the rugby mob, who incidentaly, made a little boy cry after a visit from the Father Abraham. Dangerous Dan Burell caused andther international incident by dropping his coke over the balcony, drowning a fellow American lady below. Sure enough, back up was called and refuge was sought in a nearby bar.
The Queen may well have two birthdays, but sod it, Captain Fat has shedloads. After watching him chug yet another green monster, Jarlath^ Scottie, Tel and Griggsy got thinking. A drink was needed to, as the fella put it "Fuck Mandie over". The result was the brown monster; a drink so dangerous the barman insisted on repeating the ambulance number several times whilst mixing it. Sure enough, the effect was lethal; the gobbed wonder ceased to spout shite and used his mouth to provide oral pleasure of a different nature. Oh yes, somewhere in existence there is photographic evidence of present and future club captains getting 'jigQy with mr biggy': Rest assured, it will appear in a future edition.
Whilst Wrigfity and the boyz returned to base to perform unspeakable activities on defenceless Mandie, Griggsy joined the TWAT pairing to whoop it up in some downright filthy bars. However, in the words of Kenny Everett, it was all in the best possible taste. The ppsse of rugby players and token football blokes provided value for money by getting their kit off for nothing. Having been thrown out of several more venues, the lads found their way back to the hotel just in time to get the bus home. This was Griggs' finest hour; Accompanied by Mandie, who at this stage was getting in touch with his feminine side, Griggs managed to start a sing-song of Rolf Harris proportions. With the lyrical genius of Vanilla Ice, Jarlath, Scottie and Conor silenced the rugby contingent with some quality variations on innocent school assembly songs - you'll never get to heaven on that performance boys. So there we have it, the few that weren't dead from the liver up finished the tour with some cheeky Sunday afternoon beers in the Shakespeares Head. Go on lads, you're alright...., A
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CRUISING FOR A




BOOZING

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LSE WARRIORS TAKE ON FRENCH f^m ^
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El Tel puts down his pint and picks up a pen.
Paris in the springtime, what a beautiful city to stroll hand in hand with the one you love; or so they tell me, anyone who embarked on the voyage to face the frenchies last weekend will recount tales of a cruder kind. The key feature of this tour was undoubtedly the way in which the chaps from the rugby and football teams united as one big bad bunch of piss-artists. There were no divisions - hell, I even shared a room with the Stumpster, although nobody knows why a darts player was on the tour in the first place. However, it appears that now we're all back in Blighty, the rivalry has returned with a vengence. To present the sights and delights in their true glory and truly separate the men from the rugby boys, each team has
presented their own account.....
Mandraker's Motley Crue set sail for France with the one desire that consisted of drinking like the animals living In Tom C's beard. In fairness, although the lads were well Immersed In their beer submarines by the time they got to Dover, they behaved like diplomats In comparison with Jez and his jokers. Dirty Dave Epps had one
Babycham too many and clocked his own housemate, Matt 'Maddog' Embers right in the mincer (Mince Pie = cockney slang for Eye -Sports Ed.), causing first blood to be spilt before even seeing ttie back of the white cliffs of Dover, Equally so, it was 'caravan' Dan Burrell, who literally pissed our chances of a trouble free trip up the wall. On the whole though, the atmosphere was one of love and lager: this clearly had an impact on Captain Bent, as he showed his true feelings for'Brummy Billy by strolling arm in arm with him through the streets of gay Paris. Surprisingly, he remembers nothing about this in the cold light of day.
It wouldn't be proper if I didn't give at least a mention to the match. Apparently, recent studies suggest tine best way to prepare for a game is not to spend 12 hours on a coach drinking copiously. However, this mattered not, as the opposition were about as useful as a skirting board ladder. Despite the cunning tactic of making us play on gravel, we managed to stuff 'em with six of the best. After Mandle abandoned his ambitious 2-2-6 formation, the lads grabbed the game by the goo-sack and took control. Rob Allen

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got angry and ran the show from the back; Coley made a triumphant return to the football field playing here, there and every sodding-where. Special credit should be given to Gav Russell who did a Salman Rushdie and hid out on the left wing. Star of the game has to be Elvis, who even In his hungover state, managed to hammer home five goals in a 6-3 victory. His finishing was deadlier than than the odour that surrounded the
onion munching opposition. The boys fought their way through a second half that lasted longer than the entire battle of Agincourt; clearly they were hurting. "This is the worst headache I've ever experienced...and I've had a brain tuma" chatted Rude Boy Wright. The prospect of more booze soon got the team back on the trail, even if it was in the ENSAE bar; anyone who disses the Tuns should pop in
for a swift half there.
Saturday continued-In a similar fashion: Whilst the hardcore drinking contingent of Mandie, El Tel, Elvis, and Awesome Wells downed pints and got naked with the rugby boyz (shit, I've said too much - Sports Ed.), the rest of the football team supposedly went sightseeing.... Continued Page 35 Rugby lads have their say Page 35